Memo Reveals How Feds Use Domestic Intelligence, Aaron Swartz Inspires Legal Reform, iPads for the Kiddies (on the Taxpayers' Tab): P.M. Links

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  1. The feds can collect and use domestically sourced intelligence, and a leaked memo shows how.

    Now we pivot from full denial to explaining how it’s necessary and legal.

    1. Next they will say that the Commerce Clause mandates it, since terrorism interferes with commerce

      1. Beautiful.

      2. Clearly, not engaging in terrorism is also a national security concern.

      3. Terrorists receive their funds across state borders.

    2. It’s a tax. An information tax, if you will.

      1. Knowtax!

        1. That’s what Old Man Bush said, “Read my lips, know new taxes!”

    1. Hot in here, my eyes started sweating.

    2. fucking gawker commenter has to ruin it.

      That is wonderful, but it is also sad to think how the corporate entities involved are thinking “this is going to be a great revenue stream, imagine what money-capable people would be willing to pay for this.. BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Yes, they are. They are. You know they are. I know they are. We know they are.

      1. “Money-capable people”?

        Whoever this is, their thinking is a model of clarity.

      2. Why? Why look? Just enjoy the triumph of money over ignorance.

      3. money-capable people

        It’s a PC term for rich people. Why? Shouldn’t this person be using rich as a slur? Or would using the word rich make people feel who are money-incapable(?) have hurt in their hearts?

        Ugh, just say moneyed.

      4. “fucking gawker commenter has to ruin it.”

        Pretty good retort to that comment, however, just a bit down the thread,

        “And YOU do what for free for the betterment of humanity?”

      5. Wait until they start dealing with the “deaf culture” people.

        1. Def couture?

        2. And money-capable deaf-culture people would be the worst.

          Honestly, though, that was my first thought as well.

      6. As with buying organs, the major fear is that only rich people will be able to buy organs and live longer.

        And if that’s the case, well, then no one should get organs. They’ll just have to die.

        1. “In the early 1930s an assistant of Jane Addams, the famous social worker, went on a visit to Soviet Russia and wrote a book about her experience. The sentence I remember is: ‘How wonderful it was to see everybody equally shabby!’ If you think you should try to appease altruists, this is what you are appeasing.” –Ayn Rand

      7. You know they are. I know they are. We know they are.

        I sure as hell hope they are!

    3. Ive seen a couple of these videos before. They can only be viewed from dusty rooms, apparently.

      Also, because, you know, it has to happen, deaf advocates think the parents are evil for inflicting hearing upon the child.

    1. SLD that he shouldn’t have to choose either.

      (I haven’t read the article.)

      1. His punishment stemmed from an incident last Anzac Day (Australia and New Zealand’s version of Memorial Day), during which Wild “pushed over four port-a-loos, exposed himself and threw his own urine at rangers at Litchfield National Park,”

        Eh, unless you are completely against creative punishments I think an alcohol ban is a suitable punishment in lieu of putting him in jail. Maybe 3 months jail time or 2 years alcohol probation is too much but shorter of each seems warranted.

        1. “pushed over four port-a-loos, exposed himself and threw his own urine at rangers at Litchfield National Park,”

          Heeeeell! that’s juss called “tursdeey” ’round dees pots

    2. O’Neill said he found Wild’s claim “extraordinary,” adding: “There is nothing to do in Darwin for a strong, healthy young man except to drink?”

      “And root, yer ‘onor.”

    1. Do they curse using the phrase “Gods damnit!”?

      1. Do they curse using the phrase “Gods damnit!”?

        Yes.

    2. These Guys are much more interesting, it is just a shame that they attract so many white supremacists

      1. It’s easier to join these guys.

        1. Eh I don’t have to worry, I’m already on register as a founder of a Druidic church in New Hampshire (a splinter group of These Guys) but if I really was going to join up with a neopagan church I figure I may as well stick with one that has a distinctly libertarian origin and promises plenty of free sex (as long as your tastes are closer to John’s) like This one

          1. I’m afraid to click This one now.

            Maybe just before going to sleep.

            1. Lol don’t worry, no pictures that I know of, it is the homepage for the Church of All Worlds, a neopagan church based on the teachings of Valentine Michael Smith from Robert Heinlein’s novel Stranger in a Strange Land

      2. Their gods can’t help them with website design?

    3. I assume that’s just some new bullshit thing, like praying to crystals in Sedona, right?

      1. Some of that, but it’s also tied to Greek nationalism.

        1. Are they also advocating the restoration of the Byzantine Empire? Because if they are, I’m in.

          1. No, that’s Christian. They want to go back to the Athenian Empire, I’d guess.

            1. Most of it was Christian, but the empire itself wasn’t really Christian when it was founded.

              They could claim the Alexandrian Empire, I suppose.

    4. When is the festival for Dionysus?

    5. I’ve read about this attempt to revive the Greek religion before. One big problem is that the public aspect of the religion is well-documented, but the Mysteries that were the private–and probably most important–part of the religion were (obviously) not documented.

      As is also pointed out in the article, this whole thing has a strongly New Agey feel to it that is at odds with the religious attitudes of the ancient Greeks. They didn’t worship gods so much as try to placate them.

      1. Yes, the mysteries are largely lost, right? Or is there a secret cult out there that’s been operating nonstop all along?

        1. Generally speaking this falls into the neopagan religious spectra as many modern Hellenists also consider themselves to be Wiccans (at least in the US) and while you will find a few who claim that there is some secret unbroken line back to antiquity their claims are always bogus linking back to some well documented historical charlaitan like Gardner or Crowley

          1. Some of the Hellenists in Greece seem to be more serious about truly reviving the religion, rather than merely creating a form of New Age spiritualism that features Greek costumes.

            One difference is that the public aspect of the Greek religion is well-documented. Wiccan belief is drawn from Celtic and Germanic tribes that were largely pre-literate. Their beliefs and rituals are only known either from contemporary Roman sources or from later Christian historians. A lot of that isn’t to be trusted, course.

            1. I think it would be awesome if we could dig up a family that had stuck to the old religion for the last two thousand years.

      2. The Gospels were written in Greek by Greeks well after Christ was supposedly executed.

        I maintain Christianity is a Greek religion since its origin is certainly Greek fiction.

        1. Not to mention the strong Gnostic influence on Christianity, which was primarily a Greek phenomenon.

          In fact, Christianity likely started as a form of gnosticism practiced by Hellenized Jews, possibly a century or more before the putative birth of Jesus.

          1. Regardless of your religious affiliation or lack thereof, I think it’s hard to argue that Christianity isn’t, in part at least, Hellenized Judaism.

            1. True, but the theory I described is more a matter of putting a Jewish gloss on gnosticism, not the other way around.

              1. I’ll buy that. There’s not much Jewish in Christianity, not really. Hasn’t been for nearly 2,000 years.

          2. This is rather silly. One can make the argument that gnostic or mystery religions contributed to Christianity or that Christianity was highly Hellenized, but there isn’t much of a case to date the founding of Christianity 100 years before Christ or to cast it as an entirely Greek phenomena. That’s simply poor historiography.

            1. Hell, it’s dubious that gnosticism as a developed set of ideas (rather than a poorly-defined tendency in some non-mainstream religions at the time) pre-dated Christianity; certainly after Christianity’s rise it was almost always defined in the context of Christianity either as an oppositional force to or outgrowth of the religion.

            2. The way I’ve seen the case made stems from one main point: the fact that the Gospels were written decades after Paul’s letters, despite their contrary presentation in the final version of the New Testament.

              Supposedly, if you read the Letters without having the Gospels as a reference, the entire thing becomes much more gnostic. I haven’t cracked a Bible in years, but other material I’ve read indicates that Paul had only scant interest in Jesus’ human life, but mostly treated him as a divine figure that sounds suspiciously like the divine intermediary found in gnostic belief.

              The letters are also written to far-flung communities across the Mediterranean only a couple decades after Jesus was killed. That seems highly unlikely, given the modest state of Jesus’ followers at the time of his death, as well as the primitive state of communications and travel at the time.

              1. The gospels could be based on an earlier document (so-called Q), so the timing isn’t entirely clear.

              2. That seems to rely heavily on speculation regarding the size and reach of Christianity at the time. I would point out Christianity’s spread in 16th-century Japan as an example of how quickly a religion can spread, and pre-Tokugawa Japan wasn’t nearly as developed as the Roman Empire in terms of political and economic unification. Mediterranean trade and political organization was very far-flung and subject to variation; there are plenty of well-attested migrations and political unions that were both rapid and far-flung (the Greek colonization of the Mediterranean, for example).

                In addition, oral traditions of the evangel had great import in early Christianity — some parts of Christian India still maintain an oral tradition. Even if one doesn’t assume a Q source for the synoptic gospels, there was most likely a strong oral tradition in the churches that Paul wrote to.

                Finally, I would put forth the non-Pauline letters as further evidence against gnosticism predating Christianity, as they can’t really be interpreted as non-Gnostic and rely heavily on the Jewish tradition. (I believe that Paul does as well in certain epistles, especially if Paul is the author of Hebrews, but I agree that the case for pre-Christian gnosticism is stronger if we restrict ourselves to letters of Pauline authorship.)

    6. I’ve always wondered if there were families who kept consistently unconverted over the generations.

      1. Total societal conversion took a long time in many places, but the early Christian leaders were clever in adapting local pagan practices, so that it usually wasn’t a difficult transition.

        That’s the reason for having zillions of saints in the Catholic and Orthodox sects. The older ones are all replacements for one local god or another.

        1. You see the same sort of syncretism in Mexico. The cult of Santa Muerte, for instance, is just some local death goddess or other with a Christian veneer over it. Or so I’ve read. I don’t know shit about Mexico.

      2. Entire towns in the Byzantine Empire kept to Hellenic beliefs as least as late as the 9th Century.

        1. Ancient Greek beliefs still survive in Greek in the form of kourbania.

    7. I hope these guys are into Rotting Christ. ???

  2. Small businesses continue to shy away from expanding their payrolls out of fear of costs related to Obamacare.

    Well, this is coming at us from out of nowhere.

    1. Talk about low-info idiots.

      If you have less than 50 employees Obamacare does not effect you.

      If you have more than 50 just offer them some qualifying group plan at their expense. And if you don’t want to you’re a scumbag anyway.

      Problem solved.

      1. If you have less than 50 employees Obamacare does not effect you.

        It effects your insurance rates and your choice of plans, moron.

        And if you don’t want to you’re a scumbag anyway.

        If it’s so trivial, then why aren’t you out buying insurance for everyone who needs it?

        1. Reason Magazine surely has less than 50 FTEs. I will look forward to their hardship account.

          1. PURPLE MONKEY DISWASHER BLARRRGGGH

      2. Oh yes, huge money-sucking, liberty-smashing government programs won’t effect you if you work for a mom and pop bidness, ’cause you is insulated from the economy.

        And from your own brainstem, evidently.

        1. Now you are onto a different topic – macroeconomics.

          And since you admit Obamacare does not directly effect small business you have a bone to gnaw on.

          More will be insured thus less subsidies to hospitals and other service providers. As those costs are bucketed accurately we will see efficiency rewarded with lower premiums.

          1. AARRGH! Every single one of you. It AFFECTS small business, not EFFECTS small business.

            Now go and effect change in government policy and your own grammar.

            1. Guilty here. I stand corrected.

      3. Palin’s Buttplug| 6.20.13 @ 4:38PM |#
        …”If you have less than 50 employees Obamacare does not effect you.”

        Dipshit has some real fantasies there, don’t he?

          1. My small business suffered a 17% rise in insurance rates already this year. So, sorry, we ALL will suffer.

        1. He’s correct, Sevo.

          Obamacare *effects* only babies.

      4. So, fuck those people who could have been an employed by a scumbag.

    1. I get it now! California’s plan to handle its budget crisis is to drive as many people as possible from the state, including businesses, so that it doesn’t have to pay for…wait, uh…what’s the plan again?

      1. Didn’t someone post an article in the AM Links about Kalifornistan trying to impose regulations on egg farmers, so that any eggs brought into the state had to come from facilities that were up to Cali’s standards?

        1. I have no idea. The AM Links are a disgusting display of early rising and East Coast tyranny that I ignore. Only classless buffoons read the AM Links.

          (stares at ProL)

          1. Anyone who only contributes to one daily Links is half a man.

            1. Call me the Imp, then. I mean, I am an ill-made, spiteful creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning.

              1. I’ve always imagined you as a homunculus.

            2. This. Epi’s west coast snobbery is as dated as the Seattle coffee culture and as coherent as Kurt Cobain’s cerebellum.

          2. Weren’t you born in the sacred time zone that is Eastern Time?

            1. Where I was born is irrelevant. Where I am is what matters.

              “He’s not meltin’, he’s chillaxin’. If you can’t speak the language, go back to Mexico, where you were born, and are from.”

              1. Look, aliens in galaxies 500 million light years away operate principally on ET.

                1. Just as there is only one global temperature, there is but one earthly time zone and it is right now, right here, 5:00PM.

                  1. Embrace the temporal harmony, Eastern brother.

                  2. Actually, it’s just after 2100 UTC everywhere on Earth. Just do your offsets from UTC.

                    1. Really, England is the center of your universe? How quaint.

                  3. Just as there is only one global temperature, there is but one earthly time zone and it is right now, right here, 5:00PM.

                    4 PM, or 4:30 now. Eastern STANDARD Time is God’s time.

                    1. What? No, embrace the extended light, brother.

          3. but then again, the PM links has you, so it’s a wash.

            1. You’re just going to have to live with that. I am an infestation.

          4. Only classless buffoons read the AM Links.

            Careful, Epi.

            Mary got banned for less.

      2. Once Sacramento has driven everyone away, I’m tearing down all of my neighbor’s homes and homesteadding the shit out of their property.

        1. That’s not legal inCA.

          1. Don’t care, who will stop me when there are no more people?

    2. Why don’t they just pass a law which makes the density of lead less than the density of air so the expended bullets will just float up to outer space rather than into the ground – where it came from.

    1. I kind of agree. Until the cost of batteries goes down and they significantly increase the distance while significantly decreasing the charge times, they will not take off.

      1. Pfft. Since we will have already reached the singularity by 2035, this won’t even be an issue.

        1. ^^^^
          this

    2. Well, no shit. I had to do those fucking calculation sfor 3 fucking classes. Chemical storage in liquid hydrocarbons is pretty optimal for storage, transportation, consumption, and safety.

      1. Brett L| 6.20.13 @ 4:44PM |#
        “Well, no shit. I had to do those fucking calculation sfor 3 fucking classes. Chemical storage in liquid hydrocarbons is pretty optimal for storage, transportation, consumption, and safety.”

        And the revolutionary battery is only ten years off, as it always will be!
        Or just waiting for that next gov’t grant.

    3. Especially once we can use solar power to produce gasoline.

    1. “Mr. President… we cannot afford… a mine shaft gap!”

    2. One guy brings bath salts down there and it’s all over.

      1. Wait for it….

        1. *Butts Wagner shows up wild eyed and frothing from the mouth*

          MMMXFDJB!!! YDJSFIHKJ!! SKHGFSJBN!!!

          *He spits and wipes the froth from his lips*

          Cot Damn!! Doing the Mentos and Diet Coke thing in your mouth is fuckin’ awesome!

    1. This needs to be hammered home as often as possible.

      1. And then counted as a victim of hammer violence.

    2. Chris Dorner’s name also on the list.

    3. Is bin Laden’s name on the list? I understand he was shot by guns as well.

      While we’re at it, looks like Hitler was a victim of a shooting incident, too.

    4. I like how their excuse there was trusting Slate’s list.

      1. Slate ran an article today defending the practice. Even though Tsarnaev probably died from being run over and dragged under and SUV, because he was shot in the arm, his death was gun violence.

        1. Yeah, well, like Dirty Harry says, nothing wrong with shooting, so long as the right people get shot.

  3. Small businesses continue to shy away from expanding their payrolls out of fear of costs related to Obamacare.

    Small businesses Kulaks continue to shy away from expanding their payrolls show their racism out of fear of costs related to Obamacare.

  4. STEVE SMITH hunter claims he was bullied by police

    1. You don’t hunt STEVE SMITH. STEVE SMITH hunts you.

  5. The Capitalist’s Case for a $15 Minimum Wage

    Raising the minimum wage to $15 an hour would inject about $450 billion into the economy each year. That would give more purchasing power to millions of poor and lower-middle-class Americans, and would stimulate buying, production and hiring.

    Yikes.

    1. and the price of products would jump significantly, especially on those most needed by the poor — food and clothing. Plus, people making near that amount now will demand more money.

      Fucking economics… how does it work?

      1. About the author:

        Nick Hanauer is a founder of Second Avenue Partners, a venture capital company in Seattle specializing in early-stage startups and emerging technology.

        Again, yikes.

        1. If he thinks that is the way to go, he can be the first to start this process. More power to him if he’s successful.

          But, I have a feeling all the unskilled jobs they need done (janitorial services and such) will be contracted out. Then he can still claim he pays even his least skilled employee $15/hr

        2. He does have a point that the eroding middle class is a huge problem for the economy.
          But a $15 minimum wage is an absurd idea.

        3. He’s a multimillionaire venture capitalist who denies that rich people and businesses are job creators and likes to grind the “income inequality” axe.

          That makes sense to me.

          1. Hhmm… so why do I get the feeling that this is a poster boy example of somebody who made a small fortune by starting with a large fortune?

        4. These things are helpful to know who to never take business advice from.

          1. Alright, so I was curious what this guy’s damage is, so I went glancing around and discovered that he’s had a hard-knock life, graduating with a Philosophy degree that surely prepared him to start climbing the business latter with his first job at the lowly rank of executive VP of Sales and Marketing at Pacific Coast Feather Company, owned by his family.

            This allowed him to be one of the first investors in Amazon, which really kicked the guilt up a notch and so in an attempt to prove his proletarian solidarity he founded a “non-partisan” group dedicated to improving the quality of public education in Washington, and the True Patriot Network: “true patriotism as country above self and explain how patriotism is lived every day in service to others, stewardship of resources, shared sacrifice, and other progressive values.”

            1. business ladder. bleh.

              1. You may have been told that patriotism was someone dying for their country, but no: True Patriotism is a trust fund baby’s faux guilt at having more money than the unenlightened masses.

            2. He walks the low road, so you don’t have to.

              I take it he’s given all of his wealth away to the poor, as an example to the rest of us?

              What? No? Well, I’m sure he takes no deductions on his tax return. That would be stealing food from the mouths of poor babies.

              1. http://www.geekwire.com/2013/s…..-gun-laws/

                http://www.geekwire.com/2011/r…..es-raised/

                Oh, look, he hates guns and low taxes too. If only I was born with a silver spoon up my ass, so I could be known as an “adventure traveler” venture capitalist jet-setting around the world while preaching that (other) people should share in sacrifices and pimping Marxism and environmentalist causes.

            3. “true patriotism as country above self and explain how patriotism is lived every day in service to others, stewardship of resources, shared sacrifice, and other progressive values.”

              Flows better in the original Italian.

        5. A Seattle-area native, Hanauer attended public schools and received a bachelor’s in Philosophy from the University of Washington. An avid adventure traveler, Hanauer has visited more than 60 countries and also enjoys fly-fishing and is an amateur astronomer. He and his wife, Leslie, reside in the Seattle area with their two children.

    2. What’s wrong with that? I mean, there would be no externalities, and prices certainly wouldn’t rise, would they?

      1. Inflation is a right-wing meme.

    3. The fundamental law of capitalism is that if workers have no money, businesses have no customers.

      Wait, what?

      1. This is standard thinking among prog types.

        1. “Standard thinking among prog types” seems consistently to be ignoring or debasing the value of people doing what they want to do, voluntarily, and people doing what the aforementioned prog types want them to do, involuntarily (or voluntarily, whatever, just so’s they do it).

          I don’t know where in the process the word “capitalism” went from “an economic system characterized by private ownership of goods that are traded in voluntary exchanges” to “Slavery with monocles”.

          1. “Slavery with monocles”

            Right, capitalism.

            Stick it to the man, brother! Burn it all down!

      2. I thought the fundamental law was that if workers consumers have no money, businesses will be forced to lower their prices until those workers consumers have the purchasing power to buy their products.

        Oh, wait, I was thinking of price theory. That has no place in economics. Clearly, prices are determined by input costs.

    4. Why limit it to $15? Let’s make it $1 million an hour, and in single month, we can all become as rich as Bill Gates and retire to a life of indolent luxury.

    5. “…inject about $450 billion into the economy each year.”

      Money is not value, it is a symbolic stand-in for value which makes trade easier. Merely forcing employers to give out more money does not create more value in the economy, it just muddies the waters as to the true value of labor.

    6. “Critics of raising the minimum wage also say it will lead to more outsourcing and job loss. Yet virtually all of these low-wage jobs are service jobs that can neither be outsourced nor automated.”

      If they’re service jobs, then they just won’t be done anymore.

    7. The fundamental law of capitalism is that if workers have no money, businesses have no customers.

      Uh no.

  6. Small businesses continue to shy away from expanding their payrolls out of fear of costs related to Obamacare.

    Who could have foreseen this? Who, I ask?

  7. Not sure if anyone has posted this anywhere, but here’s a video of George Zimmerman being interviewed a few days after the shooting.

    Zimmerman interview

    1. Can’t watch now.

      Did it make you find his story more believable or less believable?

    2. I just watched it. There was nothing about it that rang alarm bells.

  8. A bipartisan group of lawmakers has introduced legislation to update hacking laws and rein-in ? hopefully ? prosecutorial abuse.

    Expected result? Even more vaguely defined legislation with increased prosecutorial incentives to creatively overcharge.

    1. when you’ve lost the Germans…

      1. You know who else … Never mind.

    2. Nice to see Obama healing rifts and bringing the world together.

      1. Obama will be trying to put a cost on the social aspects of pollution.

        And you thought global warming models were BS!!

  9. Albino python found slithering near Chilliwack, B.C.

    Walton said new legislation means a permit is required to to own any of these animals.

    “A lot of people never pursued their permits, and so when they decide they want to get rid of them, there’s really no where to give them.”

    More unintended consequences.

    1. They told us it got too cool in Tampa for the infestation to affect us. In Tampa. If they’re already in BC, though. . . .

      1. Speaking of pythons.

        1. Reminded me of this.

          1. When I saw the title of that video I thought I’d clicked on something much more scandalous.

        2. What hath God wrought?

  10. Vancouver high school teacher reprimanded for duct taping students

    1. Is reprimanded Canadian for promoted?

  11. quest to make the tablet computer a replacement for textbooks.

    “He knows when you’ve be reading ….”

    1. Just wait until little Johnny downloads a creationism app and sets the desktop to be a picture of a .30-06.

    2. This handing out of free tablets is bullshit. The kids don’t need them to learn anything other than how to use a tablet. Oh, and for porn.

      1. Eh, I’m not so sure. Kids don’t have to carry around pounds of textbooks, they’re great for lessons plans and tests, etc.

        1. So, our kids will get even *less* exercise.

        2. It’s not that the idea will never make sense, but I doubt seriously it’s fully ready for prime time. Also, if it’s all about textbooks, why not a much cheaper e-reader?

          Furthermore, don’t tell me e-textbooks are going to be significantly cheaper. That “market” is a fucking scam already.

          1. There are gigabytes of free educational material online: Project Gutenberg, for one.

            1. Sure. Which is why most schools still make kids buy/use books that are in the public domain because they all need to have the same edition with the same page numbers.

              1. Don’t forget the questions must be in the same order, otherwise grading will be hard. I hated teaching courses where the books had the questions in them. Kids clearly just kept their hand in the book on the question page and would scan through looking for keywords. Kids smart, educators retarded.

            2. Don’t you realize how racist and sexist many of those authors were? They have no place in our curriculum, thank you very much.

            3. And there are unions dedicated to making sure the gigabytes of free educational material online never get used in public schools.

          2. I’m sure little ones will take as good care of these as they do their other toys.

            And no, no chance these will be lost, stolen, sold, broken, hacked…The unmitigated disaster this will be is going to be very entertaining.

            1. Not only that, which creates a huge expense, there’s also the misuse of the devices. Schools already have a major problem with kids sitting on their phones, cheating, wasting time on social media, and porn.

              1. My guess is that they’ll be doing some kind of mobile device management, restricting the usage of the tablet, but good luck doing that competently for 30 million+ iPads.

                “I couldn’t read the chapter last night because my iPad is out for repair.”

                1. It’s one of those things where the theory is great, but the practice is a bitch.

                  1. That’s the thing, even the theory is shit.

                    iPads for a specific school or a couple hundred kids in an advanced class, sure. But 30 million? That’s fucking retarded, which is par for the public school course.

                    1. And, don’t forget, Apple is pushing out a new version every six months. So what’s the lifespan of these things, even forgetting about wear and tear?

                    2. No shit. I’d bet that on average they would waste one class period per day just trying to hold the kiddies’ hands through all the updates, patches, fixes, and filter adjustments.

  12. A group that represents civil aviation pilots wants to know why federal agents are hassling its members without cause.

    You’re going to fly on the state’s roads then you’re going to submit to its cavity searches.

    1. Because fuck you, that’s why.

  13. And, because it’s a beautiful thing, here’s a video of Kate Upton topless on a horse. (it’s NSFW. Full on boobs, but nipples censored)

    hehe, boobies.

    1. Those stars are like, a *halter* top.

      Worse than that video gimmick where another person’s head is poorly overlaid on a moving body.

    2. Dear god in heaven.

      Just remember per yesterday’s PM links she’s my slave now.

    3. I wish I could find a good copy of Hedy Lamarr in Ecstasy on Youtube.

        1. Get him girls!

    4. By the beard of Zeus!

    5. Uncensored or GTFO.

    6. You are a saint among men.

  14. SCOTUS strikes down anti-prostitution pledge as a condition for NGOs receiving Federal money to fight AIDS in Africa.

    1. I got a better plan

      Stop giving taxpayer money to Non Governmental Organizations (NGO) that way they really will be non governmental, they can say whatever they want and I can keep my money.

      1. I got a better plan

        Stop giving taxpayer money to Non Governmental Organizations (NGO) that way they really will be non governmental, they can say whatever they want and I can keep my money.

        You are clearly a racist of the highest order.

      2. I got a better plan

        Stop giving taxpayer money to Non Governmental Organizations

        But what will retarded proggy trustifarians do, if they’re not saving the world on your dime?

  15. That Marijuana-Softball story was the lamest thing that Hit ‘n Run has ever done. Ever.

    1. Don’t criticize H&R, otherwise the local sycophants will be on you like stink on shit (I don’t feel like being creative right now).

  16. Did anyone notice that the price of gold got murdered today? – 7%

    1. Gee, watch for Glenn Beck’s fake tears.

    2. Buy on the dips. Anyone who thinks going long on gold is a mistake is welcome to their opinion.

      But my bunker will be well defended, and buxome and svelte women will be the only strangers allowed passed the kill zone.

      1. That’s an excellent point. People should invest in attractive women. They’ll always be valuable.

        1. You should be wary of variable yield as your investment matures.

          1. Buy young, sell a little older!

    1. Obviously she was never a real feminist anyway.

  17. You would think a guy whose elementary school level education was spent in an madrassa would show a bit more self awareness and cultural sensitivity:

    http://www.breitbart.com/Big-G…..us-freedom

    Speaking in Ireland this week, President Obama stated that Catholic schools were divisive: “If towns remain divided?if Catholics have their schools and buildings and Protestants have theirs, if we can’t see ourselves in one another and fear or resentment are allowed to harden?that too encourages division and discourages cooperation.”

    1. “We want Biden!”

    2. There are Catholic schools, Protestant schools, Hindu and Muslim schools in driving distance, a Montessori and Jewish one within a stones throw of one another, all in and around my community, yet we are not at war with one another. So, why is he pitching a common, public school based education as the only answer to violence?

      1. I’ve noticed this story before.

        “why is he pitching a common, public school based education as the only answer to violence?”

        Because, obviously, if you want to have peace in a community, the way to do it is to have everyone go to the same government-run schools, promoting constant quarrels over what the curriculum and policies of the schools will be. What better recipe for social stability?

        1. By “divisive” he means “teaching students things that progressives would prefer not be taught, thus preventing them from joining the unified march to the glorious Big Government future.”

          The worship of “diversity” the left otherwise practices doesn’t apply to something as icky as Catholic schools.

          1. I believe it was Frank Burns who said, “Individuality is fine, as long as we all do it together.”

  18. New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez likely to be arrested in connection to homicide.

    1. Destroyed his home security system, destroyed his cell phone, hired people to scrub his house down. In a best case scenario it’s destruction of evidence, obstruction of justice. He’s screwed.

      1. Yep, between this and Gronk not being able to stay off the surgeons table it’s looking more and more likely that Tebow is going to see some time at TE

        1. Let’s hope so. Hernandez and Gronk are Brady’s go-to guys. He’ll need someone new.

        2. That’s super unlikely. Hernandez probably won’t be there, but there’s no reason to think Gronk won’t make it.

          Even without Gronk, there are still about 5 actual tight ends on the roster that actually know how to play the position before you get to Tebow.

          1. Hey I didn’t say he’d be a started, I said he’d see time there.

        3. It’s not a coincidence that the Gator Messiah is driving off the Gator Anti-Christ.

          1. This is the deepest, most insightful, and most logical thing I have read today.

    2. Amazing how much all the bad karma that built up during the cheating period has come back to bite them in the ass over the last several years. What goes around really does come around.

  19. “Farm” bill defeated.

    1. Wat? Really?

      1. Yeah, but they’re just going to extend the last one.

        It’s not the coming of the Libertopia as you so gullibly imagined.

        1. There’s always a fucking catch.

  20. George Zimmerman to be tried by an all-female jury.

    A jury of six women, five of them white and the other a minority, was picked Thursday to decide the second-degree murder trial of George Zimmerman, a neighborhood watch volunteer who says he fatally shot Trayvon Martin, an unarmed black teenager, in self-defense.

    Prosecutors have said Zimmerman, 29, racially profiled the 17-year-old Martin as he walked back from a convenience store on a rainy night in February 2012 wearing a dark hooded shirt.

    The race and ethnicity of the minority chosen for the jury was not immediately available. Zimmerman identifies himself as Hispanic.

    Two of the jurors recently moved to the area ? one from Iowa and one from Chicago ? and two are involved with rescuing animals as their hobbies.

    One juror had a prior arrest, but she said it was disposed of and she thought she was treated fairly. Two jurors have guns in their homes. All of their names have been kept confidential and the panel will be sequestered for the trial.

    1. A six-person jury is like a square circle. I don’t care what the US Supreme Court says.

      1. It’s OK. Women have to perform twice as hard as men.

      2. Given that it’s Florida, maybe each woman is a double-wide.

        I think this makes it even less likely that he’ll get convicted. Most women dislike street thugs like Trayvon.

        1. You are assuming that the panel will hear anything about Martin being a street thug. Maybe the texts he send about the fight he had will get in, but didn’t the judge exclude the rest of the character evidence?

          2 gun owners. I’m not sure how that cuts. It could be “He had a gun and he got out of his car?!” vs “Thank god he had the gun to prevent that kid from killing him.” I don’t think an all female jury is going to be O.K. with Z getting out of the car in the first place.

          Not sure how they’ll swing, to be honest.

          1. A better article from the Orlando Sentinel on the jury makeup.

            A jury composed almost entirely of white women, with one, maybe two token Hispanics out of a 10 person pool. Are they trying to have a riot?

            1. All female? Wonder if they had a hard time finding a man who hadn’t already formed an opinion about the issue.

            2. I wondered the same thing.

              1. Or are women more likely to pretend they are undecided?

          2. IANAL, but my understanding is that if the prosecution tries to claim Trayvon was a young angel, the defense can counter with evidence that he was not.

    2. Why do reporters keep saying that he “racially profiled” Martin, as if it’s some kind of crime?

      1. In today’s PC world, those who are not blind to the obvious are considered to be “profiling.” If your neighborhood has had a series of break-ins, and you see a black male teen who doesn’t live there walking around in the rain at night looking at different houses, you are not supposed to be suspicious.

      2. Would Martin be dead if he were white? Would Zimmerman have even called the cops? Would he have told the 911 operator that “those people always got away with it” if Martin had been white?

        Martin wasn’t killed because he was black, but the situation in which lead to his death was set in motion because of it. Which isn’t a crime, shouldn’t be a crime, but the prosecutor is going to play it for all it’s worth.

        1. “Mr. Zimmerman had evil thoughts that day, Ladies and Gentlemen. Unspeakable thoughts. Sick thoughts. Criminal thoughts!”

        2. “those people always got away with it”

          Serious question.

          How would you, not being criminal, refer to the general group of criminals, without using a phrase that some butt-hurt somewhere will claim is some kind of racist code?

          1. I don’t think there is one. It’s a shame, but the proggie thinking is so damn ubiquitous in our culture that it even bleeds in here. I found an article on rawstory I’m gonna post tomorrow, in which I found Marcotte in the comments making some of the same arguments I’ve seen regulars use here. Should chap a few asses.

        3. Martin wasn’t killed because he was black, but the situation in which lead to his death was set in motion because of it.

          Huh??

          Are you saying that his being black ‘made’ him suspiciously wander around the hood on a rainy night?

    3. The only thing left is to have the judge issue instructions to the jury that essentially say you must convict this guy no matter what you hear at this trial. Of course, anything that portrays Trayvon in a bad light will be off limits to the defense anyway. That goes without saying.

      1. Trayvon could have been a serial pedophile rapist/murderer, but unless he was in the process of committing a crime there was no reason for him to be accosted by Morbidly Obese Batman.

        1. This. Plus points for Morbidly Obese Batman.

        2. Zimmerman’s wounds support his version of events.

        3. Is it a crime to be Morbidly Obese Batman? If so, this guy is screwed.
          http://www.goodmeme.net/meme/21294

        4. Since he wasn’t accosted at all we’re fine then.

          Trayvon was killed because he attacked someone. Someone with a gun.

  21. Compare and contrast These two articles.

    1. Both fit in the “men can never do anything right” category.

    2. However, new research from Victoria University in Melbourne, Australia indicates that men are not actually concerned about their penis size in the bedroom

      Well, no shit. Once we’re in the bedroom, what are the chances we’re not getting laid? (I mean consensually)

  22. Regarding the KKK death ray from earlier, obligatory Charles Addams cartoon.

  23. Catholic School Districts in trouble!

    A computer teacher at a Catholic school signed a contract agreeing to obey Catholic teachings. Then she got pregnant from artificial insemination and they fired her.

    Now a jury awards her damages for the oppression she suffered.

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013…..rtificial/

    1. Oppression? Really?

    2. The “war on religion” nuts seem a bit less nutty now.

    3. At first I thought “A computer teacher” referred to a computer that was a teacher. That made the rest of the post quite confusing for a moment.

    4. “She said she thought the contract clause about abiding by church teachings meant she should be a Christian and follow the Bible.”

      Oh c’mon. She should be fired for being a retard. How the fuck can you not realize that there must be at least something particular about Catholicism, even if you have no idea what?

    5. I’ll feel bad when the Catholic Church starts fighting to repeal laws demanding employers give special accomodation to Catholics who don’t want to do their job for “religious reasons”. Until then, what goes around comes around, Francis.

      1. Ah, yes, the libertarian purity test again!

        So I assume that marijuana smokers are pure libertarians, since only then would they deserve to have their rights defended?

        1. There’s a distinction between not caring about a particular issue, and actively fighting for more government with an exception carved out for yourself and then trying to pretend special pleading counts as a love of liberty.

          1. So do you defend dope smokers? Have you looked into their libertarian purity? How many of them voted for Obama?

            1. Dope smokers? Does the alzheimer’s clinic know you’re out?

              1. I suppose drawing comparisons between the rights of Catholics and the rights of dope smokers represents too high a level of intellectual abstraction for some folks to follow.

                But for those who *do* get the comparison – there are a couple of possible reactions when some group is being mistreated by an arbitrary government:

                (a) “Now you understand what we’ve been saying about why government should be limited! Join us!”

                (b) “Ha ha, you’re getting a taste of your own medicine, you statists! I hope you choke on it!”

                Which approach is better in terms of libertarian outreach, do you think?

                1. But I don’t want to be a libertarian if there’s going to be Catholics in the club.

  24. “Los Angeles public school kids will get iPads courtesy of the taxpayers. Edukashun outkums are sure to improve.”

    While I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that this will turn out to be a boondoggle the concept is sound in theory (although using a cheaper android tablet would probably make more sense) because there are all manner of ways that the tablets could be used to aid the teaching process and putting all of the textbooks on the tablet could even save money over issuing the kids paper books and worksheets, the ultimate question is how high is the loss/breakage rate amongst lower income kids (presumably higher income families will have to pay some portion of the cost for lost or stolen devices)

    1. I bet they are giving them the Ipads before they have come up with a way to use them to teach. This happens over and over again in education, give them a shinny computer but no software or curriculum to use it. They then ditch the computers after a couple of years and then start all over again

      1. I’m frankly stunned that people accept the insane waste of education. They could actually teach the kids in classrooms from 1900, with maybe some A/C and electricity added in. But noooooo.

        1. And film strip projectors. No education is complete without viewing film strips.

          1. To this day, I have a vivid memory from sixth grade of seeing The Odyssey in filmstrip form. “Odysseus! Help us, Odysseus!.

            1. It just isn’t the same without the warbly audio from the accompanying tape recording.

              1. Which didn’t always synch up exactly with the filmstrip. That, coupled with the inhalation of mimeograph fumes, made middle school very surreal.

                1. I think you mean fumes from ditto (a.k.a. spirit duplicator) printing. Purple ink, right? Mimeos used ink (usually black) that didn’t particularly smell.

                  1. Yeah, that’s it. Purple ink from some sort of clear fluid.

            2. BIIINNG!

              Saw a Dukane filmstrip projector at a church sale recently. Took me back, it did.

    2. What happens when Johnny “loses” his iPad?

      1. Or points it like a gun?

      2. I’m willing to bet 75% of Johnny’s classmates will have their Ipads “lost or stolen” in the first semester.

  25. Did you invite the gator to the picnic?

    “In the end the gator was chased back into the water by someone with a bit more experience but sadly we lost all of our food.”

  26. Not should but rather how could we engineer humans to have more empathy. Some straight up fucking fascist eugenic shit from the fuckwits at io9.

    1. tr;dr

      Isn’t Anders the source of many of the stupidest (and that’s saying something) of io9’s articles?

      1. Yes. “She” is the worst.

        1. I’m convinced that it isn’t real. It’s some chimera of several staffers’ writing from late-night sessions fueled by adderal and cheap fortified wine.

          1. cheap fortified wine

            Apropos of nothing, MD 20/20 poured in a plastic dish on the floor works as a good Roach Motel.

        2. On a similar note, some fuckwit who shall remain nameless was bloviating about how you should read more SF written by women because diversity of viewpoint = good or something, an argument I’ve never found particularly convincing.

          After all, until he brought the issue up, I never would have read Ursula LeGuin or Leigh Brackett or Andre Norton’s entire fucking catalog.

          How about write shit that’s interesting and and I’ll read it? Also known as: why I don’t read io9.

          1. On a similar note, some fuckwit who shall remain nameless was bloviating about how you should read more SF written by women because diversity of viewpoint = good or something, an argument I’ve never found particularly convincing.

            No thanks, I’ll just stick to reading James Tiptree Jr.

    2. Why do you tortured yourself browsing io9? It doesn’t even sound like fun time torture.

    3. I get the feeling that even after writing this whole thing, the author doesn’t understand the difference between sympathy and empathy. I feel empathy for a lot of people, which is why I expect them to do the same thing I would in a similar situation, which is not the sympathetic response.

    4. I’ll allow the empathy if there’s a logic circuit.

    5. You know who else lacked empathy?

    6. At least it’s not another Dr Who article, or a “50 best sci-fi” list that puts Enders’ Game as #1.

      1. io9 was gushing about some new science fiction having a female lead. Because that’s what’s important.

        1. They have also ran at least three articles that the next Doctor should be a woman. Which I think is a fine idea. Does anyone but women watch that Saturday Morning cartoon dreck anyway?

          1. I know some dudes who used to watch it but they’ve both stopped watching at this point.

            I think we can broadly conclude here that women are horrible.

          2. The only time in my life that I have even seen moments of it on my TV was back when Tom Baker was the Doctor.

            1. The only time in my life that I have even seen moments of it on my TV was back when Tom Baker was the Doctor

              Same here. Can barely imagine anyone else in that role.

              1. Ha! Didn’t need the fancy copy’n’paste your quote there. It threaded after all.

          3. I was a tremendous Doctor Who fan as a kid. The new series, not so much – the new Doctors are a little too superhero-y narcissistic as opposed to the sort of bumbling professor types of old. The screaming for a female/minority Doctor is just irritating. It’s like screaming for a female or minority captain in a Star Trek series. Just can’t happen.

            1. What episode was it that Janeway whipped out her penis?

              1. The one where she turned into a salamander because of going too fast.

                1. You know a surprising amount about VOY, NutraSweet. A suspiciously surprising amount. Do you also watch Remo Williams on a weekly basis?

                  1. Fuck you, Fred Ward is GOD. You are merely an ant in the afterbirth.

                    1. I was merely asking a question, NutraSweet. One should watch Remo Williams on a weekly basis because it’s awesome.

                      But you’re surprisingly defensive. Your wit moves like pregnant yak.

          4. Fuck you, man. Bow ties are cool.

            1. Hell yeah.

            2. Karen Gillan is cool. The rest, not so much.

            3. +1 Fez

      2. io9 is the scifi equivalent of a site about horror that thinks the best horror movie of all time is Twilight.

        1. I believe this statement should be io9’s official motto. Well done.

          1. Agreed. They should put it on the masthead.

        2. the best horror movie of all time is Twilight.

          Judging by the horrified reactions from the internet isn’t that a true statement?

    7. Forget it Jake, it’s Gawkertown.

  27. John Goodman loses his shit.

    1. This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.

  28. How Brits see baseball

    1. Given their obsession with cricket, the Brits making fun of baseball is kind of like a retard making fun of a kid with a speech impediment.

  29. Girl gets raped by an older teenager. The state Planned Parenthood people comments on this case on Facebook: “Comprehensive sex ed can make a difference in preventing sexual assaults.”

    http://www.lifenews.com/2013/0…..-the-rape/

    Yes, without comprehensive sex education, how can teenage boys know that rape is wrong?

    1. We ought to have alcohol education, teaching teens how to drink responsibly. Because we know they’re going to drink anyway.

      1. I had a high-school teacher who one day decided to share with us his wisdom about drinking. Most instructive 15 minutes I ever spent in a public school.

    2. They just want to make rape safe, legal, and rare. Honestly, prudes like you are a real impediment to rape education that is responsible and effective.

    1. Oh man, that is fucking hilarious. Commander Horatio Magellan Crunch.

    2. You can hold the rank of commander and still captain a ship. On the other hand, he is displaying medals for which he doesn’t qualify.

      1. I was going to raise this point. Heck, even lieutenants can do that if the vessel is small enough, right?

        1. Exactly. JFK was the captain of PT-109. It’s a courtesy title.

          and I think if there is an O6 on board who is not the commander of the vessel, he gets referred to as commodore.

          1. Then he flies a shuttlecraft into the maw of the planet-killer, right.

            1. Only if he’s awesome.

              1. I was about to say his son was lame, then I remembered that he got to have space sex with robot Persis Khambatta.

          2. You don’t even have to be in the Navy at all. The guy in charge of a civilian ship is normally referred to as captain too.

      2. Stolen Valor!!!!

      3. + 1 Sisko

    3. Well fuck him. That cereal was always the worst thing to eat if you had a sore in your mouth because of the abrasive texture.

      1. You’ve had a lot of oral sores in your life, I see. You should probably get that checked.

      2. When I got older I figured they were trying to encapsulate the Royal Navy experience (rum, sodomy, and the lash)

    4. Shit. Next you’ll be telling us that Count Chocula sparkles.

      1. Don’t you DARE speak such blasphemies about our beloved Count!

        1. I bet Lucky the Leprechaun isn’t even Irish.

        2. I bet he wasn’t even a Viscount.

          1. Said England unto Pharaoh, “I must make a man of you,
            That will stand upon his feet and play the game;
            That will Maxim his oppressor as a Christian ought to do,”
            And she sent old Pharaoh Sergeant Whatisname.
            It was not a Duke nor Earl, nor yet a Viscount —
            It was not a big brass General that came;
            But a man in khaki kit who could handle men a bit,
            With his bedding labelled Sergeant Whatisname.

    5. I’ve got Cap’n fever!

  30. 8 Horrendous Pieces Of Sex Advice From The Most WTF Book Ever Written

    On trying to sleep with feminists:

    “Stop prospecting a woman immediately if she is an angry feminist. ? They have a venemous streak in them for you just because you are a man. They will want to lecture you about women’s suffering and the hardship of their lives. You can never win with a woman like this. If you do anything she will misconstrue what you did and fight with you.”

    All feminists are angry feminists who are looking for a fight!

    Truth hurts?

    1. ” You can never win with a woman like this”

      Honestly while I agree about never getting involved with a feminist you could take the last 2 words off this sentence and be equally correct.

      Never argue with a woman, you can’t win and anything you say can and will be used against you

      1. It’s like playing checkers against a five year old. Despite it being trivial to best them under the rules, once they realize they’re losing, the best case scenario is that they start to cry and you let them win. More likely, they flip over the board and start throwing pieces at you.

    2. How does the italicized statement follow from the quotation?

    3. As one of the tenants of the Feminist Faith is:

      “Thou shalt always veiw the posessor of the penis as rapist or potential rapist.”

      You also run the risk of ending up on the wrong side of a felony trial.

      1. Yeah, I see these articles written by women who are absolutely obsessed with “rape culture” and think, “What idiot would be stupid enough to date her?”

    1. As I suspected, Prudence’s reply was along the lines of “are you a moron, or do you just play one on TV?”

      1. What, she didn’t recommend therapy?

    2. First of all, we need to know why you are in this situation. Is the point of fucking this guy to have fun or is it to live out an episode of a soap opera? If it is the former, tell him to shut the fuck up about his personal business and pay for the hotel room already. If the later, well, just make sure you make a grand entrance, chew up the scenery and finish with an unforgettable exit that will have the entire town talking about your performance for years to come.

    3. Being a piece on the side for a married dude with a consenting wife (provided you can confirm that the wife actually consents, and they don’t have an “understanding” that is just him understanding he can get away with it)

      Morally objectionable? No. Totally retarded? Absolutely.

    4. I’m mildly surprised how negative she was to this given how generally open Prudence is to non traditional relationships and how common open relationships are becoming.

      I mean as long as he really is in an open marriage and is willing to get the STD testing done it all comes down to her, does she think that she can be sexually involved with someone without automatically developing possessive feelings towards them.

      In my experience contrary to popular belief women are actually better at not developing overly strong romantic attachments in no strings attached sex/friend with benefit arrangements so there is a fairly good chance that it could work out well for her.

  31. Two dudes using Kickstarter to fund Havoc Boards: the game of localized urban domination.

    World domination is all well and good, but sometimes taking over a city is more than enough for one night. That’s the feeling that Luke Costanza and Mackenzie Stutzman had a few years back while playing the board game Risk in Boston. So they sketched out a rough map of the metro area, split neighborhoods into six distinct regions, and laminated the pages. Then they invited over a few more friends to test it out ? and discovered it was a rousing success.

    “That’s when it kind of clicked that we could maybe make these for other cities,” says Costanza. “It’s just tons of fun to be able to play this classic game in a place that you know.”

    That initial urge to conquer the Bay has since expanded into Havoc Boards: a series of 15 Risk-style games that Costanza and Stutzman are funding through a Kickstarter campaign. Instead of limiting the action to the global stage, Havoc Boards offer a variety of territories for conquest. To date they’ve created boards for ten cities ?Boston, New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles among them ? as well as two countries, a continent, a college campus, and even the solar system.

    I dunno, I’m not sure I see the appeal unless you are really intimately familiar with a city.

    1. Well, yeah, the main audience for this would be city dwellers. The Seattle one looks fun, except Belltown has been folded into Downtown?!? WTF?

      1. I’d rather see all of Southern California from Ventura to San Diego be made into a domination game.

        1. Of course you would, you sore-infested pervert.

          1. You live in Washington, don’t you? Once I have consolidated my control over the south I shall march up the coast and remind you that A Serous Man always pays his debts.

            1. You will have to cross the Columbia River, and Portland is controlled by my bannermen. Have fun.

              1. Enjoy your uncle’s wedding boy, I’ll send my regards.

                1. You’d better be careful when you’re taking a shit, buddy. It’s not me you need to worry about.

            2. I’ll throw my support in with ASM as long as it means I won’t have a governor Villaraigosa in my future.

              1. Villaraigosa will burn in honor of the Lord of Light and I shall name you Warden of the South Bay and Lord of the Beach Cities.

                1. I find nothing in that statement objectionable, although playa manhattan may not be keen on being my vassal.

                  1. I’ll be in my castle in Vegas.

    2. Which is why it’s perfect for kickstarter. The long tail strikes again.

    3. Sorry, I spent all my geek money on Kickstarter funding the 7th edition rules for Call of Cthulhu.

  32. Unfrozen caveman throws spear at car.

    1. Technically, Warty was never frozen.

      1. I feel like Warty would have done more damage than this guy.

    2. Well times have been tough for that guy since he was fired from being the GEICO spokesman.

    3. It was not clear why Jones threw the spear.

      Sheesh, just *ask* him.

      1. but speculation is so much more fun!

        1. Spearchucker Jones?

          1. He used to throw the javelin.

          2. +4077

      2. Spearchucker Jones didn’t come back whole from Korea?

  33. Ex-Wife Of Exonerated Man Wants Cut Of Restitution Money

    Through the magic of really spot-on DNA testing, another convict was found guilty of the attacks that robbed Mr. Phillips of his better years. The state of Texas, a believer in the ultra-firm but a kinda-fair brand of justice, awarded him with a package worth more than $6 million as part of his restitution. Included in the restitution was a lump sum of $2 million and various non-factored “perks” such as education and health care.

    In the wake of this awful windfall, the former Mrs. Phillips, now Traci Tucker, wanted her share of the pie. Her argument states that she was entitled to some of his missed wages while he was incarcerated. She was awarded $150K for the 10 years they remained married during his stint in the pokey. Naturally, he’s appealing but also faces a suit for missed child support from a different ex and another suit or two from a legal eagles who believe they too are entitled to some of the blood money that Texas paid him as a result of errors that held him in a cage for than two and a half decades.

    1. So he gets out of prison after being wrongfully incarcerated and these people are all trying to bleed him? Holy fuck what repulsive ghouls.

      1. I wonder if the lawyers going after him are the same ones that failed to keep him out of the pokey. I wouldn’t be surprised.

        1. Here’s the one they mention in the linked article:

          Phillips sued a lawyer who billed him more than $1 million for lobbying lawmakers to increase the compensation for exonerees.

          Seems legit.

  34. English Major, ladies and gents:

    Rest assured, I got everyone’s emails and tweets yesterday about the “pick-up artist” on Kickstarter who was raising money for his handbook on how to bully women who don’t like you into sex while preserving your claims to believe you had consent should you need to tell the police. I was traveling, so the fact that the guy was scrubbing the actual “advice” that he was promising would be in his book off the internet, made following the story doubly hard, but Casey Malone saved all that stuff (here’s the cached version) and to that we are grateful.

    Man, can this womyn write!

    1. BTW, I hope it’s not too much to ask that PUAs and feminists destroy each other in a cascading series of Scanners-style head explosions upon reading the others’ delusional nonsense.

      Three generations One generation of idiots is enough.

      1. They really are perfect for one another. It keeps them both locked into mortal combat with each other, which keeps them both out of everyone else’s hair to a certain degree.

        1. Isn’t that an episode of Stargate or something?

          1. I think it was an episode of Manimal.

    2. Pot, Meet kettle:

      Ovary?Action? 4 hours ago ?

      Your username ensures that you have only pure intentions and should be taken with the utmost seriousness. Please tell me more, mr. Fawkbagge McKiuntinberries. That’s not even clever or funny.

      Give it up, you’re losing the battle. Male feminists get all the sex. Get with it.
      ?

      1. Hilarious. I would bet my left nutsack that male feminists do not, in fact, get most of the sex much less all of it.

        1. How many nutsacks do you have?

          1. As a pair of trousers, unfortunately too many to count.

      2. Male feminists get all the sex.

        Citation needed.

        1. Male feminists get some of the sex, cry on the subway on the way back home, and then spend the rest of the night masturbating to female weightlifter porn without a speck of self-awareness intruding.

          1. + 1 Schwyzer

      3. “Male feminists get all the sex”

        Not only do I doubt this statement has even a shadow of truth for me sex with any of the feminazis I’ve known would be worse than screwing a cactus.

    3. Why are you doing the 24/7 recursive linking thing? You think you’re as good as Reason? How dare you?!

    1. Wasn’t one of Obama’s ancestors a slave-owner as well?

      1. Both Obama and Rommney’s grandfathers were polygamists.

        1. I imagine that being married to Michelle cured Obama of his family’s historical predilections.

          1. Eh, I think competition makes things better. Two wives competing to be the favorite either gives you better wives.

            Or you know, they kill you and/or each other.

          2. What, liking women?

            1. Killaz got it.

        2. So was Barry’s dad.

      2. Isn’t Obama related to Bush?

        1. Indeed they are!

          Mr Obama is the son of a white woman from Kansas and a black man from Kenya.

          He was previously identified as a distant cousin of US Vice-President Dick Cheney.

          His political lineage includes not just President Bush but also Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S Truman, Dick Cheney and Winston Churchill.

      3. Many of my ancestors were slave holders.

        So the fuck what? I wasn’t.

    2. Ye gods, we all have slaves and slaveowners in our ancestry. Next!

      1. Some of us were only serfs, Pro L.

        1. Sorry, you’ve got both somewhere back there.

        2. Yeah, well some of my ancestors were black chattel slaves. Pretty sure that’s just a tad better in the Oppression Olympics than some mongrel Slav serf ancestry, nicole.

          All shall bow before my superior claim to oppression!

          1. I got me a quadroon sex slave pushing out her master’s babies in my past, do I go to the front of the line?

            Oh, I more resemble the master, you say? Very well, guess not.

            1. Yeah, you stay in the back of the bus, whitey.

    3. My god they’re pathetic.

    4. Now, now, don’t dismiss this. I think we should disallow political candidacy to all who have a slave trader in their ancestry.

    5. Boy, they’re really scraping the bottom of the “buh-buh-buh-but Buuuuuush!” barrel, aren’t they? Sippenhaft: if it’s good enough for the Nazis, it’s good enough for Slate.

    1. Yeah, that sounds like the opposite extreme of ‘stop and frisk’.

    2. “All units, a human killed another human near Time Square. Please be on the lookout for a human, approximately 5’10.”

      1. Why allow height? Are you saying you are okay with the profiling of dwarves? They all be bastards in their fathers’ eyes but they have rights too you know!

        1. That’s a fair criticism. I will amend: “All units, a human killed another human near Time Square. Please be on the lookout for a human.”

          1. “My God, they’re everywhere! Call for backup, we’re being overrun!”

            1. “All weapons released! Fire at will!”

      2. “Suspect is reported to be wearing clothing. I say again: clothing.”

        1. Clothing?

          I can solve that case. I’m ON IT!!!!

      3. All units arrest whomever you want, or kill them, it really doesn’t matter!

        1. Indiscriminate killing? Social justice…finally.

    3. preventing cops from using little more than the color of a suspect’s clothing in descriptions

      “The suspect was wearing an utterly chic, dramatically draped asymmetric magenta blouse with fierce sheer lace accents ….”

      1. The problem with describing the clothing is that it can be used to indirectly derive the race, gender, and/or economic class of the suspect. DENIED.

        1. *** rising intonation ***

          Not in New York City.

          1. and yet again, their stop/frisk program is most likely blatantly unconstitutional, but the claims it are racist are completely rebutted by the fact that the disparate stop rate mirrors the disparate offender rate as accounted by crime VICTIMS (not cops) in crime victimization surveys. Interesting how these datapoints are NEVER challenged.

            See Heather MacDonald’s work, for instance.

            NYPD is sucking and mayor bloomberg is an authoritarian piece of garbage… however, the racism claims fall flat unless and until disparate rates are accounted for, which has yet to happen.

            1. You’re not even arguing that it isn’t racist. You’re just saying it’s justifiably so. If the cops stopping people on reasonable suspicion, then offender rates would be relevant. The vast majority of stop and frisk stops reveal the person being detained is doing nothing illegal (or in some cases, doing something that is illegal, but shouldn’t be).

              1. *were

            2. yeah and all those stop and frisks are on park ave right?

        2. Yeah, I was totally imagining Beyonce in that above description.

  35. I see that stocks are getting hammmered and treasury yeilds are moving up pretty quick. Where’s the Shriektard? I want to know so we can all point and laugh. Lets also all point and laugh at Toney because the easy money his policies feed off can’t possibly be supplied in great enough wuantity. The last decade and a half was the high nate for those assholes and they don’t even know it.

    1. wuantity:

      a quantity of stuff people want.

    2. Meh, I don’t agree with PBP’s “everything is fine! pay no mind to the man behind the curtain”, but on the other hand, nothing has actually changed from yesterday, so I have to think the massive swing over the fed maybe doing something a year and a half from now is a bit of an irrational freakout.

      1. What’s most important is not necessarily the loss of wealth, but that the loss of wealth is a tell.

        Wall Street has been living and breathing based on stimulus. WIthout it, even the faux recovery it has had is toast.

      2. The market has been even more fucked up than most people realized. It’s not just QE that’s keeping it inflated but the expectation of endless QE. It’s a classic late stage bubble where everything is a momentum play.

  36. The worship of “diversity” the left otherwise practices doesn’t apply to something as icky as Catholic schools.

    Progiberal Diversity only applies to things people have no choice in, like skin color or gayness. They didn’t choose to be wrong, so you have to accept and tolerate their misfortune.

    When you have a choice in the matter, like religion, then you’re just not being a team player and should be punished accordingly.

    1. What’s wrong with Joe Jackson?

      The worster one personifies the pure drek of the 80’s, so it’s worstiest

      1. The melody stuck in my head for days makes it worst

      2. Ah, the comments…

        Charles Wells 18 hours ago
        This is a cool song , no cursing, no disrespecting women, and? a good up-beat tempo.

    2. “The captain of her heart”

      It’s a guitar, asshole, not a bongo drum.

    3. Goddammit! I have to listen to this twice just to cleanse myself.

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