AM Links: White House Defends Use of Secret E-Mails, Susan Rice to Replace Tom Donilon, Samantha Power to Replace Rice, Rand Paul Wanted to Like Barack Obama

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  • he'll get his promotion later?
    White House

    Jay Carney defended the use of secret e-mails by Obama administration officials by claiming they were meant for internal communication as opposed to the more "public" (listed) e-mails the officials are supposed to use.

  • Tom Donilon is set to resign as national security advisor and is likely to be replaced by Susan Rice, the current U.S. ambassador to the UN, while the interventionist academic Samantha Power is likely to replace Rice at the UN.
  • Senator Rand Paul says he wanted to like Barack Obama, but there's that "culture of corruption." Senator Chuck Grassley, meanwhile, says the president hasn't reached out to him in four years.
  • Michelle Obama threatened to leave a fundraiser over a lesbian protester who was heckling her.
  • Latvia's bid to join the euro has been approved by the European Central Bank despite concerns about the consistency of the country's economic development.
  • About 20 players, including Alex Rodriguez, are reportedly going to receive suspensions of up to 100 games from Major League Baseball for their relationships with a steroid clinic.
  • An Oregon teen says she was banned from her prom because of the size of her breasts.

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  1. Tom Donilon is set to resign as national security advisor and is likely to be replaced by Susan Rice…

    She has a proven record of parroting idiotic talking points, so she’s in.

    1. Great move, going from “I know nothing, I just repeat the talking points” to National Security Adviser.

      1. What difference, at this point, does it make?

      2. Well those Sunday talk show appearances were supposed to get everyone ready for her to replace Hillary, but we saw how that turned out.

      3. Yep. You can’t make this shit up. 8-(

      4. There’s apparently no limit to the contempt that this administration has for the country. It’s like he’s giving us all the giant “F You”.

    2. Didn’t close the italic tag. I’m afraid this one doesn’t count.

      1. That would make Bee Tagger today’s first. That’s like impeaching Obama and getting Biden. Do you really want that?

        1. Comparing yourself to Obama? I didn’t realize you had such deep-seated insecurities. I will try and be nicer to you in the future and encourage you to get counseling.

          Also, your mom.

  2. Americans Oppose U.S. Military Involvement in Syria
    Public does not expect diplomatic efforts to succeed in ending civil war
    http://www.gallup.com/poll/162…..syria.aspx

    Sixty-eight percent of Americans say the United States should not use military action in Syria to attempt to end the civil war there if diplomatic and economic efforts fail, while 24% would favor U.S. military involvement.

    1. Its obvious that we need drone strikes in the USA in order to take out these terrorist and WMD using dictator supporters.

    2. The public would change their minds if Syria were threatening us via a “mushroom cloud” or “nuclear armed UAV’s” or “mobile chemical weapons labs”.

      Now THAT is how you sell a war.

      1. BOOOSH!1111!!!!CHRISTFAGS!!11!!!

        1. This is one meme I’ve never understood. I distinctly recall hearing about possible WMDs in Iraq during the Clinton years. And there was some basis for the suspicion–it’s not like Iraq hadn’t used them before or did anything to make it look like they weren’t stockpiling them.

          I say this as someone who opposed the war from the beginning. I wish I’d opposed the invasion of Afghanistan, too, but I thought that one was more justified at the time. Didn’t know we were going to hang out.

          1. The UN thought there was enough suspicion of WMD to send in Blix et al to search for several years. So, yes, even France and Russia believed WMDs were there. In the end all they found was a little yellow cake, a few old canisters of nerve gas, and some old SCUDS.

    3. Like that’s ever stopped them before.

  3. About 20 players, including Alex Rodriguez, are reportedly going to receive suspensions of up to 100 days from Major League Baseball for their relationships with a steroid clinic.

    MLB learned their system of justice from watching the IRS.

    1. MLB is just going to keep pretending that the steroid train didn’t leave the station in the ’90s. I wish Congress would pull their anti-trust exemption.

      1. I don’t give a shit if the players used steroids. I find far more disturbing the media’s desire to get people, and Congress’ desire to grandstand on the issue.

        Roger Clemens was pretty much prosecuted for giving the middle finger to Congress. That, and being a dick — they wouldn’t go after somebody who comes across as sympathetic.

        1. I find far more disturbing the media’s desire to get people, and Congress’ desire to grandstand on the issue.

          This.

          Looking past the libertarian-ideologically murky waters of the players union, I find myself hoping they can tell MLB to go pound salt without a positive drug test.

          1. MLB is trying to give aggravated sentences to A-Rod and Braun because MLB feels insulted by their unwillingness to simply roll over for the league. This whole thing is going to be an annoying fixture of sports journalism for the next year.

            1. Just wait until Sergio Garcia calls a black MLB official gay for going after Braun.

              1. NoHomo

              2. Sergio: They were all shooting up testosterone to keep from going all gay.

            2. annoying fixture of sports journalism

              I’d say most sports writing is just an annoying fixture of journalism.

            3. No, the annoying fixture of sports journalism going forward is jumping on anything that is less than 100% positive to gay people and, I assume, various gay rights causes.

              See: Hibbert, Roy for the beginning. I like how he had to reach out to Jason Collins, who now speaks for all gay athletes (Yes, I get he came out. But there are probably gay guys in any number of locker rooms right now who are out to their teammates but not to the world who are annoyed at Collins suddenly getting to speak for them).

              1. Jason Collins, who now speaks for all gay athletes

                I was out of the country when he came out and my 2nd thought )after who the fuck is Jason Collins?) was “great, now anyone who says anything even remotely perceived as anti-gay is going to have a press conference to explain himself.”

                1. I again recommend this essay by Bret Easton Ellis spurred by Jason Collins and being disinvited to a GLAAD awards ceremony for pointing out that honoring the guy who signed DOMA isn’t exactly in keeping with GLAAD’s mission.

              2. Yeah, I found that to be especially stupid. $75,000 for “no homo”? Give me a break.

                The tweet to Collins thing was absurd too. I was immediately reminded of the South Park “naggers” episode.

                1. See, I always thought that was a stupid expression, but now that it’s a $75K expression, I want to see it everywhere:

                  Senator Rand Paul says he wanted to like Barack Obama, No Homo, but there’s that “culture of corruption.”

                  Michelle Obama threatened to leave a fundraiser over a lesbian protester who was “heckling” her, No Homo.

                  Alex Rodriguez, [is] going to receive suspension of up to 100 games from Major League Baseball for [his]relationships, No Homo.

                2. When did “no homo” become offensive. It’s pretty hilarious watching people fall all over themselves to wedge the fact that they aren’t gay into every statement that shows concern, care or admiration for another man. I suppose it could get old quickly if he used it like punctuation like some people did with YOLO, but it’s hardly “offensive.”

        2. It’s against the rules to which they agreed to. They also agreed to accept suspensions without a positive drug test. Nobody is going to jail here. It’s just a suspension from playing the game.

          For the record, steroids should not be banned from the game, but closely monitored by the player and the league to ensure the player’s health, IMHO.

        3. being a dick

          My favorite Clemens is a dick story involves him intentionally throwing at one of his sons.

          1. I could also see Nolan Ryan doing this to his kids.

      2. No, it’s the NFL who gets to pretend, “Nothing to see here, move along” when 300 lb guys run 4.4 40s. I mean, that’s just due to better nutrition and training methods, guys. The NFL certainly doesn’t have a steroid problem, and any media outlet who grills Ray Lewis about it during Superbowl Week can expect not to be included on the next multi-billion dollar NFL TV deal.

        I like football, but the NFL as an organization is just insanely corrupt and kinda sorta evil. Like, y’know, founding an institute for the sole purpose of saying concussions aren’t a big deal… and thus exposing themselves to massive amounts of liability. Or treating media organizations as badly as the White House does because they know they have the networks and other media organizations by the balls because football gets ratings and eyeballs.

        1. Concussions, no big deal. Socks not pulled up all the way, massive fine.

        2. Corrupt and evil? At what point, does a new player not know what he is signing up for? If you were offered a contract would you turn it down? You know, for personal reasons? Blame Joe Camel for the cancer, its the American way.

          1. Well, they do have a special anti-trust exemption and get their stadiums financed at the public expense, so I don’t think corrupt is a harsh enough word for the NFL. Crony slavers perhaps.

            I mean, we can debate anti-trust laws, but it is bullshit that some companies get exemptions and others do not.

    2. F Ram-Rod and the Yankees.

      1. It was a solid gay porn, but I felt that the Yankees team should have had more otters.

  4. Senator Rand Paul says he wanted to like Barack Obama, but there’s that “culture of corruption.”

    His white guilt can force him to overlook only so much.

    1. Al Sharpton, is that you?

      1. What you talking about Willis?

        1. I do hope the return of the phrase “culture of corruption” takes hold.

        2. wut chu talkin bout Willis?

          There. That’s how it’s done.

  5. Apple BANNED from selling popular models of its iPhone and iPad in the U.S after judge rules firm ‘violated patent’ of rival Samsung

    Apple’s iPhone models and 4 and 3GS and iPad 3G and iPad 2 3G cannot be imported into the U.S. because they violate patents of rival Samsung
    The electronics are made in China, effectively ending their sales in the U.S.
    Apple plans to appeal the ruling by the US International Trade Commission
    President Obama has 60 days to invalidate the ruling

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..msung.html
    Wow.

    1. Do they even sell new 4 and 3GS phones? iPad 2 has to be well into its sales decline as well.

      1. No idea. I can’t afford Apple products.

        1. Turn in your top hat.

      2. Not sure – looking to recently upgrade my iPhone, I saw that AT&T still offers the 4 (for 99c) and the 4S.

      3. Apple itself no longer sells any of those models (at least not directly to consumers), but they’re still available to be purchased from some retailers. I doubt they’re still shipped to the US.

        Since only the 3G models are affected I assume this has something to do with the wireless antenna.

    2. Didn’t a judge do the same thing Samsung two summers ago? It will not stand.

      1. Pretty much, but it’s a nice bit of Schadenfreude to see the iCult hoist upon its own petard.

      2. I wonder if Judge Samuel Sung should have recused himself from the start.

    3. President Obama has 60 days to invalidate the ruling

      What? How is this even possible?

      Well, we have three separate branches of government, but by separate, I mean the executive is lord over all and can make whatever he wants (or whoever he wants) go away.

      1. Administrative judges, I’m guessing, not real judges. Admin judges rule on day to day application of federal regs, not disputes between parties.

  6. Democrats’ 2014 strategy: Own Obamacare
    http://www.politico.com/story/…..Page2.html

    “Fix the bad, keep the good, and move on” is the message House hopefuls are being advised to use. Offer help to voters navigating the ins and outs of the altered health care system. And flip the script on Republicans by accusing them of wanting to do away with the most popular provisions, the strategy goes.

    As they lay the groundwork for the midterms, officials from both parties are betting that health care will play a starring role. In 2010, Republicans used the issue to tap into a vein of nationwide anger at Obama’s far-reaching agenda. In 2012, health care took a backseat as the personalities of the presidential race, Obama and Mitt Romney, dominated the campaign.

    1. Jesus… The only bolder strategy would be burning the crops and salting the fields of their own constituencies.

    2. And flip the script on Republicans by accusing them of wanting to do away with the most popular provisions, the strategy goes.

      That actually sounds like a decent batch of lemonade considering what a boondoggle the whole thing is.

      My only fault with it is that time they take talking about how republicans want to take away popular provisions is less time talking about the racist subtext of everything their opponents say and alleging team red loves battering women.

      1. What’s popular? The expensive part or the denied services part?

        1. The 22 to 26 year olds whose parents are still paying for it. It’s a niche voting group.

          1. Also the people who are too dumb to bother thinking about what “no preexisting conditions” means.

  7. It’s the worst of times…(these 31 charts will destroy your faith in humanity).

    1. Took me a couple charts to realize they were being sarcastic, not stupid. Then I got to 24 and I am now unsure if they are being sarcastic.

      1. Yeah, that was going to be my question: sarcastic or stupid? Given that it’s WaPo, I’m going with stupid. Remember, they’re statists and, for a statist, ANY bad thing anywhere in the world is an excuse for intervention.

  8. ‘I have an addiction to lingerie’: 90210 star Jessica Lowndes reveals her love of saucy underwear as she strips off for photo shoot

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..shoot.html
    I hope she never seeks treatment for her addiction.

    1. “Addiction”? You mean she gets withdrawal symptoms if she’s wearing plain-Jane panties?

  9. Parents angered after schools conduct ‘Minority Report-like’ iris scans on students as young as six without asking their permission

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..ssion.html
    Might as well take their fingerprints and DNA while they’re at it. I’m sure the Supremes wouldn’t mind.

    1. I don’t get public school parents at all. For every story like this there are 10 others where they are accepting of intrusive policies on school grounds, even encouraging it in some cases.

      I’m not in the least bit encouraged by their reaction to this. Once a kid from a rival school walks in and beats to death or shoots a student, they’ll be begging for iris scanning to “prevent this kind of tragedy from ever happening again.”

    2. I don’t really understand what they are going to use this data for. The article claims it has something to do with “school bus security.” Do they intend to to a retinal scan on each student in order for them to access the school bus? If so…why?

      1. Yes, that’s what it’s for–and when they get off, too. I read they were going to text parents to confirm their kids got to school or some bullshit like that.

        1. Do parents even want this? I’d bet that the school district has no idea how much busywork this is going to generate. SMS messages fail, kids get rides, etc. They’re going to be dealing with frantic parents on a daily basis and 99% of the time the panic is going to be baseless.

          1. That’s a feature. “We needx moar monies!!!”

      2. Lego gun tracking.

    3. They’re going to make us chip our kids. Just wait.

  10. The ultimate cats-travagance! The African wild cat crossbreed that looks like a mini-cheetah costs an astonishing $35,000

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..5-000.html
    Looks just like my boy-kitty. Except he’s got no tail. And he’s deaf. And he farts all the time. But otherwise…

    1. So Carney is just sort of confessing that the FOIA avoidance was deliberate and intentional. Thanks Jay!

      1. Why did this go here, O squirrelz?

        1. it makes sense, man. really. *takes a puff off of the ol’ magic pipe*

    2. A1 Savannah Cattery in Oklahoma is widely considered to be the world expert on the breed, having earned the Guinness Book of World Records title of breeding the largest pet cat in the world.

      Huh. Well, I didn’t really need my savings account.

      1. I was just thinking that I could sell the bastard (although it looks like we’re getting hitched before his or her arrival now) into white slavery when s/he is born and buy one of these. I mean, the gf and I can obviously make more babies.

        1. This only just occurred to you as a possibility? Turn in your monocle.

        2. no no, you’re meant to sacrifice your first-born to a strange and terrible god so the crops don’t fail

          1. I want more for my firstborn. Will they give me a rare kitty, too?

          2. Sacrifice the kid to H&R. Strange and terrible we have in abundance here. Godlike, not so much, but you can’t have everything and 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

            1. If the kid gets us a preview button, sold. Throw in an edit and his girlfriend goes on the altar, too.

              1. When I removed my e-mail address from my profile, the preview button started working.

                1. So Reason will only support you if you’re using secret email? Which one of you is a former Obama department head?

    3. Some friends of mine had a savannah cat. Poor guy got cancer and had to be put down, so that was money well spent.

    4. I “met” a Savannah cat for the first time recently on a trip to Brooklyn–someone was walking him on a leash. He was super sweet, let everyone around pet him and he was just chillin’. I think the guy said he had had him for 15 years already at that point.

      1. Met is the proper term for meeting a kitty, duh. “Hey, we met a tiger! But…then he got murdered.”

  11. Why Finnish babies sleep in cardboard boxes
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22751415

    For 75 years, Finland’s expectant mothers have been given a box by the state. It’s like a starter kit of clothes, sheets and toys that can even be used as a bed. And some say it helped Finland achieve one of the world’s lowest infant mortality rates.

    It’s a tradition that dates back to the 1930s and it’s designed to give all children in Finland, no matter what background they’re from, an equal start in life.

    The maternity package – a gift from the government – is available to all expectant mothers.

    You know who else slept in a box?

    1. Sonny Corleone?

      1. +1 pizza parlor scene from Can’t Buy Me Love

      1. Prince Richard?

    2. You left out the best part:

      In the 1930s Finland was a poor country and infant mortality was high – 65 out of 1,000 babies died. But the figures improved rapidly in the decades that followed.

      Mika Gissler, a professor at the National Institute for Health and Welfare in Helsinki, gives several reasons for this – the maternity box and pre-natal care for all women in the 1940s, followed in the 60s by a national health insurance system and the central hospital network.

      See it was socialized medicine and equality that fixed that gosh durn infant mortality thang, not vast improvements in technology and a general uplift out of poverty due, again, to vast improvements in technology.

      1. As long as no-one’s suggesting adopting another of Finland’s 1930s healthcare measures – compulsory sterilisation …

        1. What’s wrong with properly cooked food?

          1. As Nietzsche said, “Eat dangerously!”

            1. “When you smell the three-day-old chicken, the three-day-old chicken also smells you.”

    3. Justin Timberlake’s penis?

    4. Layne Staley?

    5. “You know who else slept in a box?”

      Cool Hand Luke.

  12. Horrifying image of ‘woman in red’ being doused with pepper spray becomes symbol of Turkish protests

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..tests.html
    Cops are so manly.

    1. R’hllor will punish the guilty.

    2. Horrifying image of ‘woman in red’ being doused with pepper spray becomes symbol of Turkish protests

      “The Woman in Red” did a lot to deserve getting pepper-sprayed.

    3. It’s actually Chris Deburgh doing the pepper spray to work out his frustration over being known as a one hit wonder.

    4. The U.S. and the European Union as well as human rights groups have expressed concern about the heavy-handed action of Turkish police against protesters.

      And yet they stand idly by when American police go apeshit on the citizens. Fuck these “human rights groups”.

  13. Jay Carney defended the use of secret e-mails by Obama administration officials by claiming they were meant for internal communication as opposed to the more “public” (listed) e-mails the officials are supposed to use.

    Some guy named Tarack Tobama emailed the White House Press Corpse backing up the press secretary.

    1. Recall how the Bushpigs “lost” several million email messages in violation of several laws.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/B…..ontroversy

      This current bunch are mere pikers – pretenders you might say!

      1. You do realize that “Bush did it” isn’t really a defense.

        1. Hey, when all you have is a “BOOOOOSH!”…

        2. The Plug isn’t even tryin’ any more.

        3. No… it really doesn’t.

        4. Wait, you mean there are more than two sides?

      2. BOOOOSH!!11!!!CHRISTFAGS!!111!!!

        1. WOO HOO!

          John’s meme achieves lift off!

          Now that it’s officially a meme, I can use it too.

      3. BOOOOSH!!11!!!CHRISTFAGS!!111!!!

    2. Most transparent administration in history. *snort*

  14. Jack White saves legendary Detroit concert venue where The Who and Rolling Stones played by paying $142k tax bill

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-bill.html

    1. Pretty cool. I still can’t believe no one stepped in to save CBGB though.

    2. that’s pretty cool of him. He still looks like a Victorian illustration of the dangers of masturbation, though

      1. Speaking of furry hands…

  15. Al-Qaeda sets up complaints department
    In an effort to show it takes its new responsibilities in government seriously, Al-Qaeda’s branch in Iraq and Syria has set up a complaints department.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/new…..tment.html

    Now this would make a good reality show

    1. “Yes, yes, I understand that cutting off your mother’s hands because she wore nail polish could cause you distress – but policy is policy.”

      *click*

      “Wahid, go behead that whiner!”

      1. Thank you for calling Al Qaeda Customer Service. We value your loyalty. Press 1 for claims of Apostasy; press 2 for Heretic services; press 3 for billing. Press 4 for Al Qaeda recruiting. All others, please Press 5.

    2. There was a fun thread here years ago that touched on customer service in terror.

  16. Boy, 10, fights off home intruders by firing one of the would-be-robber’s guns

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-guns.html

    1. I’m sure Nurse Bloomberg is having the family exiled as we speak.

    2. He should have just accepted that the robbers were bigger and stronger than he was, so he would have to wait for the police to show up after the robbers left.

    3. Two guys in FedEx uniforms? Thats a little more elaborate than your typical burglar.

      A wife and two teenage daughters? If that was my house and the house didn’t already have a gun, it’d be getting one or two. If it does already, it’s going in the nightstand.

    4. Shouldn’t he have called the police and waited calmly for them to professionally handle the situation? Obviously this kid is disdainful of authority, impulsive, and dangerous. Not only does he refuse to respond in the approved manner, but he has gone so far as to violently act out against others: most recently by firing a handgun indoors in a crowded New York City neighborhood.

      Just saying – if I were social services, this seems like it would be a pretty open and shut case.

      1. He was “involved in an incident.”

  17. World’s Funniest Human now getting rape threats, proving how bad rape jokes are!

    Let me be clear: I don’t believe that previously non-raping audience members are going to take to the streets in a rape mob after hearing one rape joke. That’s an absurd and insulting mischaracterization. But I do believe that comedy’s current permissiveness around cavalier, cruel, victim-targeting rape jokes contributes to (that’s contributes?not causes) a culture of young men who don’t understand what it means to take this stuff seriously.

    And how did they try and prove me wrong? How did they try to demonstrate that comedy, in general, doesn’t have issues with women? By threatening to rape and kill me, telling me I’m just bitter because I’m too fat to get raped, and suggesting that the debate would have been better if it had just been Jim raping me.

    This isn’t just coming from anonymous trolls. Local comics ? whom I know and work with ? have told me to shut the fuck up. One hopes I’ll fall down a flight of stairs. (He later apologized?to my boyfriend, not me.)

    Holy fuck. I do stand up. I can’t even imagine having to do it with Lindy West, or any other hardcore feminist with no sense of humor. How does she make money at comedy and I don’t again?

    1. Umm… Are we sure these aren’t rape threats sent to herself? Because IIRC, you could throw her into a prison full of violent rapists and she’d be safe.

      1. because only sexually attractive women get raped? Jesus Brett, not you too

        1. You’re right. That was on the wrong side of the funny/ugly line.

          1. Didn’t mean to snap at you mate

            1. While Brett was out of line, given that we just had that case in Montana of a woman falsifying rape threats against her self, I do now have a bit of suspicion when some feminist comes forward and goes, “I said X, and I got threatened with rape!”

              It also doesn’t help that I just view the internet as terrible, and such bullshit as kind of inevitable (I mean, there are websites dedicated to molesting kids. Rape threats… amazingly one of the less offensive things on the internet)

            2. Oh you were serious?

              Fuck off and die then cunt.

    2. Putting her comedic powers to one side, she has a point. Tell a woman to shut up = fine. Saying she’s bitter because she is too fat to rape = stupid, vile, misogynist crap. And I don’t play the misogyny card lightly.

      1. And you have a point, ifh, but sadly with Ms. West, it has become boy who cries wolf syndrome. When you complain about everything being misogynistic and compare any offense against you to rape, actual bad behavior doesn’t look as bad.

        1. boy who cries wolf

          i see what you did there 🙂

          1. Well, if it was a girl crying wolf no one would care the first time.

            1. Well, girls cry at the drop of a hat, Auric.

              1. men don’t cry. They mist.

                1. They mist.

                  That’s me. Except during sappy movies when I weep copiously. It’s embarrassing, but I’ve learned to carry a handkerchief and “blow my nose” every time Ilsa gets on that plane.

                2. men don’t cry. They mist.

                  My eyes get sweaty, I don’t know what you sissies are talking about.

                  1. No Homo.

      2. ” I don’t play the misogyny card lightly.”

        Except today apparently.

        Again, fuck off and die cunt.

    3. Norton talked about this on O&A Monday, pointing out that a flood of idiotic comments wasn’t exactly helping things. He was almost overly respectful of her silly point of view

      The Comedy Cellar podcast tried having her on, and *shock*, Lindy didn’t want to defend her nonsense at the comics table.

      But I do believe that comedy’s current permissiveness around cavalier, cruel, victim-targeting rape jokes contributes to (that’s contributes?not causes) a culture of young men who don’t understand what it means to take this stuff seriously.

      It seems they get the point of stand-up comedy, while Ms West does not.

  18. California To Wal-Mart: Enough! No More Taxpayer Subsidized Profits For You
    http://www.forbes.com/sites/ri…..s-for-you/

    For years, Wal-Mart?and other large retail operators?have been piling up huge profits by controlling their labor costs through paying employees sub-poverty level wages. As a result, it has long been left to the taxpayer to provide healthcare and other subsidized benefits to the many Wal-Mart employees who are dependent on Medicaid, food stamp programs and subsidized housing in order to keep their families from going under.

    With Medicaid eligibility about to be expanded in some 30 states, as a result of the Affordable Care Act, Wal-Mart has responded by cutting employee hours?and thereby wages?even further in order to push more of their workers into state Medicaid programs and increase Wal-Mart profits. Good news for Wal-Mart shareholders and senior management earning the big bucks?not so good for the taxpayers who will now be expected to contribute even larger amounts of money to subsidize Wal-Mart’s burgeoning profits.

    1. Um, aren’t wal marts profit margins sub 5%?

      Kinda makes it hard to argue that they are using the indirect subsidy they recieve from the welfare state (and there is no mistake on that part, the welfare state is a subsidy to employers like wal mart) to pad their profits and not that they are taking the subsidy and passing the savings on to their customers.

      1. Um, aren’t wal marts profit margins sub 5%?

        Irrelevant. They use roads and utility services that were paid for by “the people.” Their workers were also educated by “the people” so those subsidies need to end.

      2. Damn, I had this discussion yesterday. WalMart provides a distinct and mesureable benefit to the poor by lowering food prices. Is the aggregate benefit provided by WalMart greater than the subsidy received by their workers? If yes, then maybe CA needs to STFU or start kicking WalMart back some of that money they would otherwise be paying in food stamps.

        1. It’s an excellent question: Which entity does more to really help the poor, the government or Walmart?

          1. I think that’s a pretty easy question to answer. Look at it this way: Suppose Walmart didn’t exist. Would their employees be more likely to have higher-paying jobs whereby the state would not be subsidizing their employment or be more likely to be unemployed whereby Walmart would not be subsidizing their welfare benefits?

    2. not so good for the taxpayers who will now be expected to contribute even larger amounts of money to subsidize…

      Screw whoever wrote this and the California politician who uses this as justification. When exactly did any progressive or California lib ever give a shit about how much a taxpayer is contributing?

      1. They don’t. I see this as a revenue grab by a broke(n) state. CA needs money, and this is a thin justification to grab some more from businesses. I’m going to guess it will also hammer small businesses, who don’t have the legions of lawyers WalMart does to figure out a workaround.

    3. Couldn’t this apply to any business that pays “below the poverty level”. What does that even mean?

      The level of jack-assery in that column is astounding.

    4. The phenomenon of people not only insisting that you follow their rules to the tee, but also that you alter your behavior to match their intentions, when they didn’t write the rules exactly right, is fascinating.

    5. For years, Wal-Mart?and other large retail operators?have been piling up huge profits by controlling their labor costs through paying employees sub-poverty level wages. As a result, it has long been left to the taxpayer to provide healthcare and other subsidized benefits to the many Wal-Mart employees who are dependent on Medicaid, food stamp programs and subsidized housing in order to keep their families from going under.

      Why do you think these employees live below the poverty line? Why are individual healthcare plans so expensive for them? It couldn’t possibly be because of the ridiculous tax burden in California or the government subsidization of all services, could it?

  19. Michelle Obama loses her cool: First Lady threatens to leave fundraiser after lesbian protester heckles her – and the White House deletes exchange from official transcript

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..cript.html
    “That’s ’cause droids don’t pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose.”

    1. “First lady loses her cool and said: ‘Listen to me or you can take the mic, but I’m leaving. You all decide'”

      If the audience had any brains this would have been met with thunderous applause.

    2. Wookie joke!

      NICE…

    3. LOL at them putting Sturtz’s and Carney’s pics right next to each other.

    4. Flannel… hikining boots… tastes in sexual partners, uh… heckling klingon women…

      THINGS I HAVE IN COMMEN WITH LESBIANS!!!

      DING-DING-DING!!!

  20. Senator Rand Paul says he wanted to like Barack Obama, but there’s that “culture of corruption.”

    Fine, I’ll update my dog whistle detector app with this new phrase.

  21. Australian High Court says pathological gambler who gambled over a billion dollars is not the casino’s victim

  22. The FDA launches first inquiry into medical iPhone app
    http://venturebeat.com/2013/05…..phone-app/

    The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) this week launched its first investigation into an unregulated mobile medical app.

    Medical diagnosis on-the-go offers a new opportunity for health entrepreneurs. But the FDA believes that patient safety is potentially at risk with some ? but not all ? of these apps. The agency has said that it wants stricter rules to govern these apps and devices.

    The FDA’s final guidance on mobile medical apps, when it comes, is expected to resolve some of the uncertainty that plagues health entrepreneurs who aren’t clear whether their app should be regulated.

  23. 71 year-old heavy drug and alcohol user and hardcore liberal Lou Reed gets a liver transplant. Thank God organ transplants aren’t subject to the free market but given to the neediest and most deserving recipients.

    1. In Lou’s defense, I think he’s been clean for a couple of decades.

      1. considering the quality of his recent output, that might have been a huge mistake

        1. Transformer was really the pinnacle.

          1. What, no love for Metal Machine Music?

            1. No. None whatsoever.

    1. Definitely not something I want to try. It seems like it would be very unpleasant, and would last for an entire month.

    2. I wouldn’t be surprised if they just bypassed food addiction with alcohol addiction as happens with gastric bypass surgery. However, unlike GBP I doubt this costs many thousands of dollars and has a ~5% mortality rate.

  24. Prepare your Facebooks:

    5 Scary Myths You Probably Believe about the Economy

    Numbers 2: “Deficits are always bad.”

    Number 1: “We don’t have a debt crises (Not yet, anyway)”

    See, stupid glibertarians? Cracked has decisively proved you wrong!

    1. Wait, which of these is the myth? If they can’t even be consistent with presenting their points as “false thing I will then refute” or “true thing I will then justify” why should I believe them?

      1. You shouldn’t believe them, because it’s comedy dick joke writers trying to write about economics.

        1. Shreek works for Cracked?!

        2. Kinda like Krugman & Ezra Klein.

    2. Unfortunately, the same class of people who see nothing wrong with getting their news from Jon Stewart also see nothing wrong with getting economic advice from Cracked.

      Number 1: “We don’t have a debt crises (Not yet, anyway)”

      Social Security faces $9.6 Trillion dollars in unfunded liabilities, $83,894 per household.

      Shouldn’t our debt count all the money we’ve promised people, not just the amount that we’ve actually spent? Because if we don’t radically reform social security, we’re going to be 20 trillion dollars in the hold pretty soon.

      1. Yeah, but that’s why we don’t have a debt crises yet! So everything is a-okay!

      2. GAAP accounting does. Those are periodically available to cringe at.

        1. If businesses kept their books the way the feds do, legions of people would be in jail. And rightfully so.

          1. You can’t compare business/household budgets to government budgets. They are completely different.

            /derp

      3. Shouldn’t our debt count all the money we’ve promised people, not just the amount that we’ve actually spent?

        Well, it depends–the unfunded liabilities figure is a guesstimate, and I wouldn’t take it any more seriously at this point than a CBO forecast. Depending on tax rates, unforeseen circumstances like a massive die-off, inflation, etc. that figure could drop, or end up being WAY worse than advertised.

        1. Given the way things have been, I’m going to assume the “WAY worse than advertised” scenario will be the most likley.

      4. The promises were made by politicians. Those don’t count.

  25. Utah Deer Dies After Mounting Moving Motorcycle
    http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2…..otorcycle/

    Authorities say a Utah deer was mortally wounded after she mounted a moving sport bike during rush hour.

    Cottonwood Heights Police Sgt. Scott Peck says the doe dashed into traffic about 7:30 a.m. Tuesday and leaped onto the motorcycle.

    Peck says the 19-year-old rider was knocked off and slid about 100 yards, while the bike kept going for about 300 yards.

    1. Simply trying to leap over it seems more likely. I think the Utah police were having a slow news day.

      1. Maybe the Deer was Questioning.

        1. Bike-urious.

        2. Bike-Curious?

    2. She was practicing for the next John Woo film.

  26. So, it’s not secret! Which means it should be no problem releasing the contents of the emails to the press, right?

    1. Good luck with that theory.

    2. FOIA is really inconvenient for transparent administrations.

    1. But guns kill kids- at twice the rate of cancer!

      Because that’s such a fucking valuable comparison, y’see, according to Jezebel.

      1. After grandpa died, we suggested grandma get a gun since she lived in a bad area. My bet is Jezebel wouldn’t like that idea. I bet they would like the cancer comparison even less too, in that case.

        1. She should just try to give any attackers cancer.

          1. If they were kids, they’d only be half as susceptible.

            That’s how statistics work, right?

            /jezzie logic (no homo)

    2. I plan to have a very nice day by not stabbing myself in the eye with a fork, or by clicking on Jezzy links. If I must choose, I’ll take the fork.

      1. HFS, you made the correct choice. I am down brain cells after reading those posts.

        What was it Whoopi said in Jumpin’ Jack Flash–something about $100 bills and screaming “Vicitim here!!!”…?

    3. Not only is this PSA the funniest best to make fun of ? it’s also the reason people think gun violence is on the rise, even though recent statistics prove the opposite is true.

      So you realize that “gun violence” is going down, but you still think we need to get rid of guns to make people safe?

      1. No, Auric. See, these PSAs lie to people, and make them think gun violence is on the rise, and that they need guns too. But really, they don’t need guns, because gun violence is declining and guns are icky.

        Heads I win, Tails you lose.

    4. more kids drown by falling over head-first into 5 gallon buckets than die from gunfire.

      I personally know three women who, over the last 30 years, used a gun to prevent being assaulted and probably saved their lives.

      I had one such experience myself. Fuck the gun grabbers.

      1. My wife recently had a run in with a group of 5 guys harassing her in a bad neighborhood. All she had to do was move the back of her shirt up so she was no longer concealing. They left her alone immediately.

        This is only one of many many times women I know have protected themselves with a gun. A few have escaped rape and at least one protected herself from being murdered.

        1. The moral thing for her to do is let them have her way with her and file a police report later.

          1. Yeah, if there were a police report to be filed, it would have been for the 5 dead/wounded thugs laying in their yard.

            My wife is really really good with a gun.

    5. After my grandfather died, my grandmother started carrying a .22 Derringer around, since her business involved sometimes carrying large amounts of cash around isolated, rural areas. She had to pull it once or twice when a local lowlife got too close. Never fired it at anyone, but she was a good shot so I’m pretty sure she would have won that battle.

      Kept a shotgun in the trunk for your larger variety scumbags.

      1. This is why insurance was invented. The moral thing to do is to let them steal her money and file a claim with the insurance company.

        /Tony

  27. Tom Donilon is set to resign as national security advisor and is likely to be replaced by Susan Rice, the current U.S. ambassador to the UN, while the interventionist academic Samantha Power is likely to replace Rice at the UN.

    Jesus Rocket Propelled Goatfucker on a stick.

    When will a worldwide “coalition of the willing” rise up and put this country out of my misery?

  28. Caffeine withdrawal is now a mental disorder
    http://www.philly.com/philly/h…..order.html

    Ask anyone coming down from the high of one too many cups of coffee, and they’ll tell you that the headaches from caffeine withdrawal can drive you crazy. So much so, that the latest version of psychiatry’s bible, DSM-5, is naming caffeine withdrawal as an actual mental disorder.

    1. NO GUNS FOR YOU!!

      1. Now, if we can only make the leap to naming “naming caffeine withdrawal as an actual mental disorder” as an actual mental disorder ….

    2. How about drinking bad coffee? That sounds more like a mental disorder

      1. the coffee at my office is terrible. But hey, it’s free!

        There’s an old joke – um… two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of ’em says, “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.” Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life – full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.

        1. That joke was terrible. And you’re terrible for telling it.

      2. I think the need to drink “trendy” coffee drinks is the bigger disorder. What’s wrong with plain black coffee?

        1. Nothing as long as it’s properly made, with decent beans etc. I include trendy coffee drinks in the bad coffee category

        2. Plain black coffee can be wonderful or terrible. Trendy coffee can be wonderful or terrible too.

        3. Thai iced coffee is my preferred indulgence when I have the time.

    3. I wish caffeine worked for me, but I have to drink 5 Hour Energy and go for a niacin flush if I want to get a pick-me up.

      I do like a good cup of Irish Breakfast tea on the occasion though.

      1. Is caffeine resistance officially a thing? I never believed it did much for me, either.

        1. Up the dose.

        2. Well, I’ve been diagnosed with ADD for what that is worth, and I heard something about the brain chemistry of ADD means caffeine works weird for you. Same reason that what is essentially speed normals you out, not that I take that crap.

      2. When I was still caffeine dependent that Irish Breakfast tea was the best! Better than an espresso.
        I have been mostly caffeine free for about 10 years. I’m so glad I broke the habit, but I still get the craving once in a while. Like today.

      3. Dude, the main ingredient in 5 Hour Energy is caffeine. The equivalent of two premium cups of coffee, I think it says on the label.

    1. There aint no such thing as free.

    2. TANSTAAFWIFI

    1. You want to be a dick with no accountability? Then join the police force! But not Taco Bell, and certainly not THIS Taco Bell!

    2. I do quite a bit of taco licking. This is a bad thing?

      1. I do quite a bit of taco licking. This is a bad thing?

        You might get cancer!

      2. It’s not a bad thing if you provide pro-tips. Or publish a newsletter.

  29. The Problems with CALEA-II
    http://www.schneier.com/blog/a….._wi_3.html

    What the FBI wants is the ability to eavesdrop on everything. Depending on the system, this ranges from easy to impossible. E-mail systems like Gmail are easy. The mail resides in Google’s servers, and the company has an office full of people who respond to requests for lawful access to individual accounts from governments all over the world. Encrypted voice systems like Silent Circle are impossible to eavesdrop on?the calls are encrypted from one computer to the other, and there’s no central node to eavesdrop from. In those cases, the only way to make the system eavesdroppable is to add a backdoor to the user software. This is precisely the FBI’s proposal. Companies that refuse to comply would be fined $25,000 a day.

    The FBI believes it can have it both ways: that it can open systems to its eavesdropping, but keep them secure from anyone else’s eavesdropping. That’s just not possible. It’s impossible to build a communications system that allows the FBI surreptitious access but doesn’t allow similar access by others. When it comes to security, we have two options: We can build our systems to be as secure as possible from eavesdropping, or we can deliberately weaken their security. We have to choose one or the other.

    1. We went through this with the Clipper Chip. Build in a backdoor for the government, and every bad guy on Earth will try (and eventually succeed) at exploiting it. Or hacking into the keys held by the government in escrow.

      1. every bad guy on Earth

        the government

        Wait a minute…let me draw a Venn diagram here…

        1. Johnny, tell Warty what he’s won.

          1. Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat! Every family deserves a treat! Treat yours with Rice-A-Roni, now in economy-sized boxes! Back to you, Pro L.

            1. Yes, I remember eating Rice-A-Roni while in San Fran. Good times.

  30. Jay Carney defended the use of secret e-mails by Obama administration officials by claiming they were meant for internal communication as opposed to the more “public” (listed) e-mails the officials are supposed to use.

    They’re fortunate enough to work in an office without a person prone to forwarding email chains. Else, who knows how many layers of secret e-mails they would need to maintain pristine inboxes.

  31. An Oregon teen says she was banned from her prom because of the size of her breasts.

    No, she was banned because of the amount of cleavage she was showing. This is not to say she should have been, but it wasn’t because of their size. Nothing like turning a potentially valid complaint into bullshit.

    1. Saw this in another thread last night. They let her in once she put a shawl over the exposed parts.

    2. This falls firmly within the category of “first world problems”.

  32. Rugby Team Fined $15,000 Because Player Pissed On Field During Play
    http://deadspin.com/rugby-team…..-511144989

    New Zealand Warriors forward Russell Packer heard nature calling and figured the green grass of a rugby field was as good a place as any to relieve himself.

    You can sort of see him tinkle and then, disgustingly, shake himself dry (and his shorts likely wet) while standing with his hands on his hips. The league was aware of the incident almost immediately and his team was later fined. In case you were unconvinced by the video, Packer even admitted to taking the piss in a since-deleted tweet.

    Good win when u gotta go u gotta go lol

    1. Wait, they’re fining a rugger for pissing on the field?

      What next? Fining them for drinking and signing off-color songs?

      1. Then you may find me in debtor’s prison.

        1. To be precise, it’s not rugby (union) but rugby league.

          He pissed on the Broncos’ home ground, and on live TV, so frankly he’s a deadset legend.

          1. Rugby league is the only real rugby. Rugby union is a boring punt it out of bounds fest.

          2. Oh, so not proper rugby then. Gotcha.

            1. Rugby Union is the quidditch of footballs.

          3. “League” is not rugby.

            If you do not have rucks, mauls and continuous play, you have a winter training game to play indoors.

            1. ^THIS.

              Rugby is a fucking physical sport, not some pussy-ass, “Oh, so sorry, been tackled, now back up 10 meters and let’s start again.” What is that bullshit?

            2. Ive never seen a union game with continuous play. Mostly punts out of bounds and lining up for throw ins.

              line-outs are anti-action. League figured this out in 1897. Union elitists are still too dumb to figure it out. Probably too much inbreeding.

      2. Aren’t they trying to cut down on the pre-game nonsense the NZ teams do?

        1. If you mean the haka is “nonsense” I shall meet you at dawn – your choice, pistols or swords.

          1. I liked the choice of cannons in The Baroque Cycle.

  33. Local news: Python escapes at Grand Rapids KFC
    http://www.wzzm13.com/news/art…..Rapids-KFC

    A Grand Rapids family is hoping you can help them find a missing pet: 4 foot python named Bianca.

    Tina Austin and her family were in the process of moving the snake to a new tank when they decided to take a break for dinner. They say they made a quick run to the KFC on Michigan Street and Diamond Avenue NE and decided to take Bianca with them.

    Austin says here 10-year-old son, Chevy, left the window of the car open about an inch and the snake managed to escape.

    Austin says the snake is well fed, curious and loves to feel warm skin.

    1. And will shortly become a main course at Mounty Pythons.

      1. What? Oh, I see how it is. Now mega-corp KFC thinks it can threaten the Mountie Python franchise. Well, fuck them. They’ll never match the quality of our offerings.

        New this week–Python hotdogs!

    2. Austin says the snake is well fed, curious and loves to feel warm skin.

      Also loves pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

  34. An Oregon teen says she was banned from her prom because of the size of her breasts.

    Diana Moon Glampers would be proud.

  35. An Oregon teen says she was banned from her prom because of the size of her breasts.
    What, no H/T? I posted this in the PM Links… *grumble*grumble*

    1. You need to earn an adjective before you are worthy of hat tips.

      1. “h/t to grumbling commenter Matrix”?

        1. Hmm, that might work.

  36. Lesbian feminist porn sounds insanely unappealing

    Here’s what I look for when I’m looking for “real” lesbian porn: I look for agency ? I look for production companies that celebrate the acts that the performers want to take part in, and that don’t force models to take part in sex acts that they don’t want to do. I want to see what people are really doing in bed, not what someone at the top of the chain of command thinks people are really doing in bed. I want those models to be treated fairly and to be compensated fairly. I look for sex positivity ? not shame. People shame others enough. I look for body positivity ? nothing says “patriarchy” like the selection of only traditionally attractive humans for porn. I want to see a good mix of humans. I also think racial diversity without fetishizing is huge on my list.

    Basically I want my porn to intersect with my feminism. I want real women really fucking the way they really want to. I don’t care if you’re fucking a shoe (with a condom on it) or you have v. long nails (with gloves on them) or if you wink at the camera because you know we’re watching. I won’t yuck your yum, even if it doesn’t turn me on. But if porn does treat women of color like racist stereotypes, or glorifies the subjugation of women without disclosing their company practices, I will call it out.

    1. I’m certainly not the only one who starts seeing red and gets enraged by their use of the word “patriarchy” am I?

      1. No sir!

    2. I just… ITS FUCKING FANTASY!! Your every thought and dream doesn’t have to be ideologically pure. Try relaxing and letting your ID off the chain “in a safe and accepting space” called “porn”.

      1. whoops, not ID as in identification but Id as in animal self.

        1. I’m sure there’s Driver’s License porn somewhere out there, God help us.

          1. I’d pay top dollar for Dora’s ID.

    3. I look for body positivity ? nothing says “patriarchy” like the selection of only traditionally attractive humans for porn. I want to see a good mix of humans.

      There’s far more than just “traditionally attractive humans” in porn. One of our favored pastimes in high school was wallpapering each other’s cars in fat chick and uggo porn. Lady needs to spend some time in the deeper reaches of her local adult video center.

    4. I just want whatever buffers fastest, but hey whatever gets you off, I’m sure its out there.

    5. The real question is, does anyone think people actually get turned on by porn that’s selected on this basis?

      Or maybe they do, because they’re turned on by feminism.

      1. nicole, are you really one to judge?

        You get turned on by Melville!

        1. I don’t get that kind of turned on though.

    6. Dear Ali,

      You live in a time when every new laptop has a webcam, and webcams cost very little. If you can’t find lesbian porn on the internet that meets your criteria, you’re either not looking hard enough or it doesn’t exist. None of that requires a studio telling performers what to do, hop on a webcam website (or better yet, start your own!) and make a “safe space” for the performers you prefer. Stop waiting for others to fix the problem for you.

  37. Has anyone seen any mention of whether Bosch is getting something in return for his cooperation with MLB?

  38. Here’s the Thing. I KNOW that despite the comments that sploosh all over it, this Butch Please series, about a lesbian feminists “adventures in queer masculinity”, is actually terribly written. I just can’t put my finger on why. Please help me out here, Reasonoids. I will give you a sample passage:

    I do not like to be exposed. I do not like to be gendered. I am about to be both, and neither.

    My body unwinds for a moment. I want to clarify the meaning of unwinding here: I do not mean a state of relaxation, the kind of unwinding that is used as a tagline for beach resorts. I am talking about the state of a body unraveling, a brain backfiring and backtracing and then, since it is most often tightly wound up, unwinding, organ by tiny organ.

    I step to the center line. I am about to go through the full body scan. I am wearing my binder, my hood is up. I am trying to imagine what a binder looks like on a scanner. Are my nipples still visible? Will he see the impression of my breasts even where I have attempted to erase them? My body is typically so bound and modified that it is impossible for people to see my actual shape. I have not allowed most lovers to see beneath the binder. There is a stranger here who will see it, though, and in two minutes, he will have placed me in a box that took me years to crawl out from.

    1. And a little later in the piece:

      I am hyperaware of myself as many signifiers of gender that are carried in muscle tone and hip width. I give the sign on the bathroom door my fuller attention, check it and double check it like an error on a page. I use a higher voice when talking to the lady at the register. I feel like buying tampons, even though I don’t need them. I feel like buying makeup, something pink, hairties that my hair won’t hold. I feel like making up for whatever part of my old gender identity I’ve lost. They used the female officer for me. They put me in the female line. But female feels like a label I don’t deserve, something I’m supposed to be apologizing for with every unladylike step.

      When I go to sit down at the gate, I find myself gravitating towards clusters of women: mothers and children, an older lady with pearls and a wide-brimmed hat who looks like she’s dressed up for church. I want to hide in the skirts of these women until that last segment of my heart stops shaking. I want them to reassure me of my place among their ranks, their familiar presence like a shoulder squeeze from my aunt. The few men sitting in this section feel like impostors, and I do not want to be one of them.

      Its very wordy and uses big words… but somehow I feel like it is total and utter crap writing.

      1. Unleash SugarFree on that – he could punch it up proper.

        1. Actually I was hoping for nicole, as I am almost all out of eye bleach.

          1. Not even I dabble in self-hating neuterporn.

          2. It’s incredibly self-conscious and self-important. Not in the sense that the writer thinks the issue is important–I think it is too–but in the sense that the writer is trying to sound very. serious. in a sort of lame artsy way.

            Part of this is due to the mix of normal narrative nonfiction (“I step to the center line…my hood is up” etc) with academy-speak, like the sentence you think is the worst:

            I am hyperaware of myself as many signifiers of gender that are carried in muscle tone and hip width.

            How about, “I am hyperaware that my muscle tone and hip width signify my gender, and my gender defines my self.” We don’t need things like “signifiers of gender” mixed in with direct sentences like “I step to the center line,” but the writer clearly thinks this makes it sound more serious.

            So I would say that the writer is a bad writer, because they can’t tell good from bad writing. Also, “trying too hard.”

            1. “Thank you,” he says, and hands the card back to me. He looks at me while he does this, and then glances down at the card before I take it. And then back to me, and then back to me. I am blushing and shoving it into my wallet, hurrying to catch up with the line. I am pulling off my shoes and emptying my pockets long before I get to the queue. My palms are already sweating.

              Despite the poor editing, this is also horseshit. They do that to everyone, dear. It has nothing to do with you “problemtizing your gender.”

              It’d be like her spinning a conspiracy that because she doesn’t wear girly shoes, someone from the government comes by her house every day to drop off advertisements and personal letters.

              1. the resemblance between that quote and the set-up for a “woman-friendly” erotic story is purely coincidental

              2. They do that to everyone, dear. It has nothing to do with you “problemtizing your gender.”

                I didn’t RTFA, but I didn’t realize that’s what it was actually supposed to be about. I thought it was just about how the normal activities of the state are fucking personally invasive.

                1. But they’re extra doubly personally invasive if you are performing your gender differently nicole!

                  1. Meh, they are. They’re more invasive the less you are like the average American. The average American being a complete jackass who is willing to give up all privacy for security. I mean, after all, there are people who don’t really find these security measures invasive because they just don’t care about their privacy. They’re more personally invasive for me because I’m performing my status as a private individual differently. I mean the language is retarded but it’s not completely wrong.

      2. Its very wordy and uses big words… but somehow I feel like it is total and utter crap writing.

        That’s because being wordy and using big words doesn’t make good writing. Good writing is about the flow and cadence, not the syllable count. Look at this sentence:

        I am hyperaware of myself as many signifiers of gender that are carried in muscle tone and hip width.

        This is the worst sentence I’ve ever seen. Also, you SF’d the link.

        1. I know wordiness and big words don’t for good writing make, but it has some weird elements of good writing…

          Wanna know what it’s like? Reading a college freshman’s paper. It’s like, “Okay, I can see how we could make a good writer out of you, there are elements here… but you really suck.

          1. First one had a grade level of 5.87, second one was 7.44.

            1. Well, I am also probably influence by the comments on that site, which treats every one of these articles as the most amazing thing put to paper. Like, from this article alone:

              This was amazing, deeply moving, incredibly well written. ANd you described so well the way you miss your mother’s hugs and the time you made her happy, much like I miss the time mine was happy about me and gave me those hugs full of a love that seemed so pure I’ll never get to understand how it can fade away.
              Thank you. Also, to us, you are enough.

              “Her accent sounds like a kiss after lemonade.”

              Damn.

              I have yet to have, “a kiss after lemonade.” But now, I’m looking forward to it.

              Kate, I wish you would write a book so I could read your beautiful rhythm in something longer than your articles.

              Ugh. So gorgeous. Melancholy and gorgeous.

              I think that’s what fucks me up. I know it’s crap (“kiss after lemonade” WTF does that even mean?), but the queer feminists can’t get enough, so I think I’m crazy.

              1. (“kiss after lemonade” WTF does that even mean?)

                Her writing is both sour and sickly-sweet. And sold by neighbor children.

              2. Just remember that most people have really bad taste.

          2. I also hate when people write in present tense when the thing they’re talking about happened in the past. Right now I’m writing in the present tense because I’m talking about things that are happening write now. But if I wrote about the first day of kindergarten and said ‘I am about to enter my first day of school’ that would be annoying, gimmicky and stupid.

            1. because I’m talking about things that are happening write now.

              Joez law?

            2. The “historical present” tense sucked then, sucks now, and will suck in the future.

              1. There’s a scene in Red Dwarf that discussed tenses for a time travel situation. I found it pretty good.

                1. There’s a scene in Red Dwarf that discussed tenses for a time travel situation. I found it pretty good.

                  Did they steal it directly from Hitchhiker’s?

                  1. No, it was a lot funnier than the bit in Hitchhikers.

            3. ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE is scrawled in blood red lettering on the side of the Chemical Bank near the corner of Eleventh and First and is in print large enough to be seen from the backseat of the cab as it lurches forward in the traffic leaving Wall Street and just as Timothy Price notices the words a bus pulls up, the advertisement for Les Mis?rables on its side blocking his view, but Price who is with Pierce & Pierce and twenty six doesn’t seem to care because he tells the driver he will give him five dollars to turn up the radio, “Be My Baby” on WYNN, and the driver, black, not American, does so.

            4. Wow. No fans of Damon Runyon around here then

              1. There’s a “former newspaperman writing fiction” exception, ifh. You should know that.

      3. Based on those passages, now we know where Charlie Brown’s teacher started her second career after retiring.

  39. Latvia’s bid to join the euro has been approved by the European Central Bank despite concerns about the consistency of the country’s economic development.

    Latvia shouldn’t join a club that would have it as a member.

    1. The euro might be drowning but it’s going to make up for it on volume.

  40. there’s nothing secret about the secret email accounts held by administration officials, and defended the practice as sensible time management. [T]he subterfuge “makes eminent sense” because those officials would otherwise be swamped with unwanted messages.

    With all due respect, doesn’t it make even more sense to ban email?

    1. Well no, it is sensible, however if that was truly the reason for it then the contents of those emails would not have been obscured or left out of FOIA requests. When someone requested “all emails related to X sent to or from Y public official” then the default would have been to include emails from both accounts merely redacting the actual email address from the private account.

      Since they did not do this and in at least some cases they took efforts to deliberately obscure who the account holder actually was it is clear that the intent was to obscure and hide those emails at least as much as it was a sensible policy of mail management for a very busy executive.

  41. Treasury, UAW health care trust will sell 50 million shares of GM stock
    http://www.detroitnews.com/art…..s-GM-stock

    The Treasury, which initially held 60.8 percent of GM as part of the U.S. $49.5 billion bailout, now owns just 16.4 percent, or 241.7 million shares. In December, the Treasury sold GM 200 million shares of its stake for $5.5 billion to reduce its stake to 300 million shares.

    In total, Treasury has recouped $30.6 billion. At current trading prices, Treasury would lose around $10 billion on its GM bailout.

    ah, yes – a reminder of why I won’t be buying a new GM any day soon. Not that anything in their lineup really thrills me.

    1. Why don’t they just sell their very profitable truck unit and use that cash to restructure everything else? Everyone wins except the UAW workers who no longer have jobs on the truck lines, which doesn’t break my heart at all.

      1. You are assuming that the Union and or government would not require GM to include include a clause in the sale requiring the buyer to honor the current union contracts of those workers.

      2. Why would they sell the only profitable unit they have? How about this, lets get rid of the idiotic CAFE standards and let them just make whatever vehicles are profitable?

      3. Sell the truck unit to whom? They can’t spin it off, CAFE restrictions ensure that whatever iteration is created would have to do the same thing GM does: make a bunch of smaller cars at a loss to satisfy the regulatory requirements.

        I also doubt that a buyer of the marques would simply be able to kick the unions away – they’d have to build new plants for that and I don’t think that’s a realistic option. If you’re buying that you’re taking the capital that comes with it, including the workers.

        1. CAFE restricts are one of the most damaging and dumbest laws on the books. In the day and age of boutique manufacturing there is no reason why there are not tons of start up car companies out there. The only reason there are not is CAFE standards and the idiotic requirements for safety testing.

          1. The only reason there are not is CAFE standards and the idiotic requirements for safety testing.

            Not the only things, but they’re certainly huge hurdles. The industry is really not conducive to a boutique operation because it’s so capital intensive. I don’t think it’s impossible to get a start-up to work, but it would be really difficult even in a deregulated environment. Which is a shame, I’d love to find a company that could actually tailor to my taste in cars (which aren’t even that nutty – all I want is a goddam stickshift with a V6 in a mid size sedan without having to pay $45k).

            1. But it is getting less capital intensive all of the time. And by boutique I don’t mean out of your garage. I mean why can’t a company like caterpillar make a kick ass diesel pickup? They have the skills to make bulldozers, I bet they could make a killer pickup. But that will never happen because you can’t just make a pickup.

              1. like back in the days when International made pickups? *sigh*

            2. You don’t need any manufacturing capacity. You order a run of production from someone who has capacity, like GM. The only capital you need is to pay for a run, the engineering and design, testing, and marketing. Not the factory.

        2. Okay. I forgot about the CAFE stuff.

          1. What is tragic comic about CAFE is that it is greens screwing unions. The reason why foreign car companies do so much better making small cars is that small cars are a low margin business. You can’t pay high wages to make a low margin product. Trucks, SUVs and luxury cars in contrast are high margin. There you can pay high wages and still make money. The immediate reason why American car companies lose money is that they have to sell huge numbers of small cars at a loss to make the CAFE standards. Get rid of the CAFE standards and American car companies could concentrate on just producing high margin vehicles and would, while smaller, be much more stable and profitable long term.

            1. CAFE also had perverse effects on what vehicles can be made. One reason (among many) that the Ranger was dropped for the U.S.

              http://www.thetruthaboutcars.c…..on-wagons/

              1. A bit ironic that CAFE killed that ultimate symbol of the NPR listening enlightened green, the Volvo wagon, which of course was a great car.

  42. Its very wordy and uses big words… but somehow I feel like it is total and utter crap writing.

    No fucking shit; did the president of The Colorado College write it?

    1. Oh, Jesus, Brooks, did you get that email too? Her reflections on her first year and all that nonsense?

      Sample of that bullshit:

      It brought back memories of my fall installation ceremony ? a ceremony that is meaningful and humbling for a first-time president. Such ceremony, in Carol’s words, “seals and ennobles” what we do here. At that time, in that special place, I committed myself to serve the college ? to join with faculty, students, staff, alumni, and the wider CC community ? in honoring all that has been accomplished by those who came before us by building on their work to move the college forward in positive and productive ways appropriate to our time.

      That has been on my mind throughout my “Year of Planning.” Our strategic plan, inspired by input from hundreds of students, faculty, staff, alumni, parents, and friends, will be approved by the trustees this summer and shared with you and all members of our community soon after.

      It has become so clear to me that our alumni and many of our parents are hungrier than ever to engage in the ongoing life of the college ? intellectually, socially, and with direct, concrete support. As our advancement division reorganizes and builds, we are planning to make that happen more effectively than ever.

      I didn’t think we could get any worse than Dick “I married my daughter’s college roommate” Celeste. I was wrong.

      1. She’s no Gordon Gee, that’s for sure.

  43. Latvia’s bid to join the euro has been approved by the European Central Bank

    DON’T GO IN THERE!

    IT’S A TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

    1. Latavia is a hard working generally free country that has done well for itself post communism. In short, it is a good candidate to supply more of other people’s money for Greek, Italian and Spanish socialists to steal.

    2. Slovakia seemed to get a boost from joining the euro and they were pretty smug about it vis-a-vis the Czechs ’cause they have that Canadian inferiority complex thing. Now, they might be regretting it.

  44. I didn’t see this here yet, so apologies if this is a duplicate nutpunch:
    Baby dies in house fire, father tased trying to save him

    Soon after the fire started Miller says his son rushed to the burning home. San Antonio Police had to tase Miller’s son to keep him away from the burning home.

    1. SF’d the link, which is probably good for my blood pressure.

      1. Miller says he believe tasing his son saved his sons life. “Because he would have definitely perished in this fire, ” added Miller.

        Fuck you, grandpa. Maybe, but that’s his fucking job as the dad.

        1. My thoughts exactly.

          And if the cops are going into a burning building to stop him going in after his son, why can’t they grab him, did they really need to whip out the taser?

        2. To die pointlessly and orphan his remaining child?

          1. Trying to rescue your kid from a fire is dying pointlessly? What’s your definition of dying non-pointlessly?

            Perhaps the guy would’ve backed out if he realized things were pointless given the chance to go in.

            1. Trying to rescue your kid from a fire is dying pointlessly?

              When it becomes objectively impossible, yes. At some point you’re not going to make it back out. Real fires aren’t Hollywood, you can’t run through a thoroughly burning room without being crippled a considerable distance from the flames, assuming smoke inhalation doesn’t get you first.

              I get pissed off a little bit about how the army indoctrinates “leave no man behind” during basic training, too. At some point that can be coldly, rationally recognized you’re throwing further lives away to no purpose.

              1. Yeah, I agree. Fires are *nasty* things.

                I’d imagine it takes an experienced eye to see what’s objectively impossible, though. And again, the guy might’ve just turned back partway in when he realized things were pointless.

                1. Maybe. I’m just open to the idea that there is some theoretical situation where the cops/firefighters were right to restrain the guy. The grandfather is hardly an expert, but his quote leads me to believe there’s a decent chance they were in that zone.

                  1. I’m open to the theoretical situation of firefighters restraining a parent. I’m not so open to the real situation of a cop tazing a parent.

          2. Or to bring out his child against the odds. I understands cops and firefighters not risking their lives but let the dad go in after his kid. Dad already lives with his parents, so its not like he alone was carrying the material provider status.

  45. San Antonio Police had to tase Miller’s son to keep him away from the burning home.

    Stop playing hero.

    1. Stop playing hero.

      More like “Stop making us look bad.”

  46. New York Mom arrested for growing marijuana.

    No, this wasn’t a small amount for personal use. She had a warehouse and a sophisticated hydroponics set-up. It was a growing and distribution operation.

    Despite all of this, I think this woman should be issued an apology by the government for wasting her time, an apology to the tax payers for wasting our money, and she should be let go to go about her business.

    1. The cops needed to put a stop to this. We don’t want soccer moms peacefully growing pot. That job is for killer Mexican drug gangs.

    2. Why haven’t the mass hydroponics thing caught on in the growing of any plant but weed?

      Like, you could grow a shit ton of tomatoes in a warehouse hydroponic set up, right?

      1. Yeah, but if you do the cops will show up and kill all your pets assuming it was weed.

      2. Because it is expensive. You can’t sell tomatoes for $200 an ounce or whatever weed is going for these days. You also don’t have to incur the expense and risk of going to prison of smuggling tomatoes into the country.

        1. $500

      3. Why haven’t the mass hydroponics thing caught on in the growing of any plant but weed?

        The sun is free. Fertilizing dirt is cheaper than hydroponics.

        1. but most places can’t grow year-round.

        2. Tomatos are grown commercially with hydroponics.

          A lot of the tomatos you see in the store still mounted on vines are hydro grown.

          They make a good cover for having hydroponic equipment in your home, as well.

  47. http://www.latimes.com/busines…..6874.story

    “It’s not a recovery,” [Edward Leamer, director of the UCLA Anderson Forecast] wrote. “It’s not even normal growth. It’s bad.”

  48. Breaking: @0 increase in allergies since GMOs were introduced.

    1. Um, @0 increase

      1. 400 percent

  49. Australia’s corporate watchdog has admitted to inadvertently blocking access to about 250,000 innocuous websites in addition to the 1200 it had already accidentally censored.

    ASIC made the concession in a statement at a senate estimates hearing on Tuesday night, after it caused controversy by interpreting a 15-year-old law in the Telecommunications Act as giving it the ability to block websites.

    Read more

    1. At least you can still make it to H&R…for now.

  50. No fans of Damon Runyon around here then

    I don’t recall his collection of “sexual ambiguity” and “identity confusion” stories.

  51. “Michelle Obama threatened to leave a fundraiser over a lesbian protester who was heckling her.”
    Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

  52. Holy shit, Gawker is fapping themselves silly over this Michelle Obama thing. A sample comment:

    Three reasons the First Lady is a certified badass:

    1. She said “do you understand?” but her tone said “I can have you removed by men with guns.”

    2. She made the audience choose, showing the protester she had the power of her status as the speaker plus the will of the people. This was a teachable moment in manners and bitch was gonna get some learnin’.

    3. When Barack asked how her speech went, you know she said “fine honey, how was your day?” even though she knew he’d see it in the papers later. Coz a boss doesn’t need any emotional handholding

    1. Wow. I love it it was lesbian activists. If it had been anyone on the right Gawker would be wondering why the Secret Service didn’t just shoot them. But since it was Lesbians, big mama is going to have to answer for her behavior.

    2. 1) So she’s a badass for having men take care of her.

      2) She’s a badass for… being popular (at a speech she was giving).

      3) Maybe not mentioning it to her husband, but with no actual proof of this.

      I don’t think they know what badass means.

    3. “I can have you removed by men with guns.”

      They love it when the guns are on their side and in the hands of government men. If one of us were to show such giddiness over the use of force with a gun, we’d be terrible racist teabagging clingers.

      She made the audience choose, showing the protester she had the power of her status as the speaker plus the will of the people. This was a teachable moment in manners and bitch was gonna get some learnin’..

      GODDAMIT! RESPECT MY AHTHORITAH!

      even though she knew he’d see it in the papers later.

      Well duh, that’s the only way Barack hears about anything.

      1. Yeah, this is just sick. “This was a teachable moment in manners and bitch was gonna get some learnin’.” Some learnin’ about men with guns. What a bunch of fucking slavers.

        1. How about learnin’ this: When the only people around with guns are the government men, you have no choice but to do what they tell you. Including shutting the fuck up.

      2. Well duh, that’s the only way Barack hears about anything.

        WINNER!

  53. did you get that email too?

    I don’t get the emails, Cthulu be praised, but I’m on the mailing list for the alumni mag, and I have slogged my way through a couple of her moronic word salads. What a heaping helping of vapid self-absorption.

    That place has completely gone to shit. I wouldn’t send the dumbest kid I know there.

  54. Such ceremony, in Carol’s words, “seals and ennobles” what we do here. At that time, in that special place, I committed myself to serve the college ? to join with faculty, students, staff, alumni, and the wider CC community ? in honoring all that has been accomplished by those who came before us by building on their work to move the college forward in positive and productive ways appropriate to our time.

    Good grief.

    What a fucking retard.

    She probably does skulk around pretending to be a teenage boy.

  55. Great news everyone! Now you can check your privilege level by answering a few idiotically phrased questions.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/soci…..ilege-quiz

    I only got a 90 out of 150.

    1. You SF’d it…

      0 out of 150; turn in the monocle.

      1. The link works fine for me.

        1. 80 out of 150

          1. HA! My monocle is shinier than yours!

    2. 115 of 150 – I am sickeningly privileged

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