A.M. Links: IRS Fibbed About Surge in Non-Profit Applications, Aaron Swartz Left a Tipster-Friendly Legacy, Chicago FOIA Compliance Involves a Paper Shredder


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  1. The U.S. government has taken a strong dislike to Bitcoin…

    When is the government going to realize the internet is more trouble than it’s worth?

    1. I hear chat roulette is still big in the Whitehouse and State Department.

      1. The good bits are redacted.

    2. Off Topic, Beer Thread!


      1. Best thing ever written on Slate.

        1. If by best thing, you mean “entirely wrong”.

          Dont like hoppy beers, drink something else. There are plenty of non-hoppy craft beers.

          1. Stay on those barricades buddy.

      2. Thanks Zod. Someone is finally saying it out loud.

        Every fucking time I’m in the beer section: shitty beer, shitty beer, IPA, IPA, IPA, IPA, IPA, seasonal ale, IPA, IPA, IPA, shitty beer, shitty beer.

        1. Come to Colorado.

          First Portland, OR aint no capital of craft beer anymore…consistently we mile high folk seem to do very well and almost everyone here brews or has a friend who brews.

          Second, in most brew-pubs or local breweries there are maybe 2 or 3 hoppy beers out of a line of 8 or 9.

          I agree with the sentiment of the article but have never had someone unfamiliar with craft beer claim they are all bitter.

          1. I like hoppy beer on occasion, but I certainly think good == hoppy (bitter) in many craft beer drinker’s minds. You can tell who they are because they never go away from hoppy beer even in food and beer pairings. Then you have the real beer snobs who will tell you when to pair malty/fruity/non-bitter beers with certain foods/snacks.

          2. As much as I would like to get out to brew pubs, 99% of my beer drinking comes out of a bottle.

            Married to someone who isn’t really a beer drinker + kids + buddies all in the same boat = near-zero time at brew pubs.

            1. Married to someone who isn’t really a beer drinker


              1. You must break her, bend her to your will, before it is too late.

                1. Oh, no, mine drinks beer. I meant you can escape SOON.

          3. Portland, OR has to be at least a co-capitol of craft beer — went there and found amazing beers everywhere. Went to a second run movie theater and they were selling stouts and IPAs and whatnot.

            Almost got alcohol poisoning there from a 24 beer sampler flight I shared with my GF.

          1. OK, if you say so.

            1. I do say so, its my business to know this stuff.

              There are plenty of non-hoppy good craft beers.

              There are plenty of shitty beers too, but lots of them are the IPAs.

              1. I didn’t say that none existed. I said that few were available where I can easily shop. It’s 90% IPAs and horse piss.

                1. Yeah, big chains like Safeway have decent IPAs but no stouts. The hell?

      3. One of the local breweries – Founders – has, from day one, been an uber-Hoppy maker. And that’s why I stopped going there since the majority of their beers suffer from too many hops.

        1. I like a hoppy beer now and then, but most of time I’m looking for a good, balanced flavor and one that’s easy to drink 3 or so in one sitting.

          It doesn’t help that there are very few places nearby with any decent selection that aren’t 80-90% IPA.

          1. I recommend moving.

            1. http://holygralelouisville.com…..t-Menu.pdf

              Here is the beer list from about 5 weeks ago from a place local to me. They update their “sample” beer list online about once a month, so this isnt at all up to date, but gives a general idea.

              This is literally one of the best beer bars in the world.

              Hoppy options? Of course, but plenty of stuff all around. Including two non-hoppy founders options at that time.

              1. Holy Grale is exceptional in this sense. Lexington has three (almost four) craft breweries. West 6th overhops everything, even their wheat and saison. Over half of the 20 or so beers Country Boy produces at any given time are hop-bombs or just piney.

                Beer bars are the same. Beer Trappe has 8 taps, 6 are always some IPA or hopped version of some other style. Arcadium has 20 taps, the last time I was there they only had two that weren’t hopped-up.

                It’s not about no non-IPAs being made, it’s about hoppy beers being over-representation in the marketplace from a supply side.

                It’s a fad that will die out, but it’s proving hard to kill.

                1. It’s not about no non-IPAs being made, it’s about hoppy beers being over-representation in the marketplace from a supply side.


                  1. But they arent being overrepresented from the supply side, so “this” is inaccurate. Demand says that the supply is right.

                    And there are plenty of good options available, just ignore the IPAs and buy the other stuff.

                2. Im not sure its a fad.

                  IPA almost beat out “seasonal” last year for top craft beer selling style in supermarkets.

                  Seasonal was behind but retook the lead in Oct/Nov/Dec, which is seasonals big time of year.

                  Somehow, for reasons I dont understand, people love pumpkin beers. But you dont see me bitching about it and writing articles in slate saying that pumpkin beer is the death of craft. I just walk around the giant seasonal display and buy something else.

                  And speaking of beer bars, River City Drafthouse is more of a traditional beer bar, they have 24 taps, all American craft, generally nothing too weird like with Grale, and they arent overrun with hoppy beers. I had three different IPAs the other night, so they have a wide selection, but they have plenty of other stuff too.

                  1. Lunch:

                    Bacon sandwich
                    homebrewed APA, 5.5% hop-forward but not overpowering or cloying
                    Sweet, cool conditioned air.

        2. Founders is amazing, and has plenty of non-hoppy amazing beers.

          1. Last weekend I got the four pack of 21st Amendment Lower De Boom Barleywine. It was sweet, boozy, oily and sticky feeling to the mouth, and the hop comno was a little strange, lurid and dank tasting. In other words, one of the best ales I have had in a while.

          2. I prefer Bells or Shorts.

            1. Two hearted is my favorite beer in the world, and is clearly superior to the similar Centennial from Founders, but as a whole, I think I prefer the Founders catalog.

              And that isnt dissing Bell’s at all. I really liked the jazz series from Bell’s, for example.

  2. Goldfish In A Nuclear Reactor — The Simpson’s Or Thoreau?

    It is an act of civil disobedience by workers aimed at highlighting the absurd level of oversight and compliance required of everyone working in the nuclear industry. And it seems to be getting worse.

    You wouldn’t know it from the press, but the nuclear industry is far and away the safest industry in America, with the fewest injuries, no deaths, the best safety record, and the least lost-work hours. Nuclear even has the best environmental record of all industries.

    1. Anything that can’t be seen with the naked eye is to be irrationally feared. Chemicals. Radiation. Genetic modifications. Pollution. Carbon Dioxide.

      1. If it wasn’t for government regulation we would all be living in West Texas or CHERNOBYL!!!!!


      2. Anything that can’t be seen with the naked eye is to be irrationally feared.

        The Bilderbergs and Rothschilds?

    2. I worked in power generation for a number of years and know some of the folks who work at Perry (I worked for the co. that owns it).

      There were a lot of nules who had transferred to the fossil side. Without fail, when I suggested I would like to work on the nuke side, they regaled me with tales of extreme boredom, stacks of paperwork, and bureaucratic stasis, trying to save me from making a mistake.

      It’s a shame but it seems like anyone working at a nuke power plant who has any creativity or sense of humor either has had it beat out of them or is supremely unhappy and looking to get out.

  3. Mysterious Poop Foam Causes Explosions on Hog Farms

    You see, starting in about 2009, in the pits that capture manure under factory-scale hog farms, a gray, bubbly substance began appearing at the surface of the fecal soup. The problem is menacing: As manure breaks down, it emits toxic gases like hydrogen sulfide and flammable ones like methane, and trapping these noxious fumes under a layer of foam can lead to sudden, disastrous releases and even explosions.

    1. Keep your scat porn to yourself, pervert.

    2. I think I just threw up a little.

    3. Sounds like someone never saw “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.”

  4. At one site a couple of workers ran a line of multiple plugged-in extension cords out the window of one building, across the lawn, and into another building ending plugged into a toaster oven, a real no-no in safety space.

    Everyone knew it was a deliberate and symbolic protest against mind-numbing bureaucracy. However, the Tiger Team didn’t see it that way and people lost their jobs.

    The same thing will happen with the goldfish killers. Quietly, people will be fired. We should debate the ethics of that, and whether a more measured reaction is warranted, but this was an act of protest in the great American tradition of Thoreau.

    1. Fuck this was supposed to be a reply to my previous comment.

    2. the Tiger Team

      hah! I haven’t heard that term in ages since working at a bomb plant. Some things never change.

      1. I heard it used by our MTLs during an inspection period when I was in Air Force tech school and wondered what the hell they were talking about. Apparently it was just a term the inspectors used to make them feel extra-important.

  5. Their explanation that extra scrutiny was devoted to government critics because of a surge in non-profit applications runs afoul of the actual drop in applications at the time.

    Well, the IRS isn’t good with math.

    1. **Lack of any skills in basic mathematics will not disqualify you from employment.

    2. Well, given what the government means by “cuts in spending” I’m not sure there’s a contradiction.

    3. Neither is Timmy Geithner.

    4. Statist math is different than regular math.

    5. Just change the narrative (and try to get a budget increase while you are at it):

      Of course we applied extra scrutiny when applications dropped. We weren’t spread as thin as we usually are.”

  6. True the Vote Founder: DOJ Scrutinized Us After IRS Filing

    The IRS did not stop there. They demanded to know who had spoken at the group and to see each and every speech the speakers had given. They demanded to know the identities of all members of the group and who had attended their meetings. The list of probing and outlandish questions was exhaustive.

    Soon, the IRS began to audit Engelbrecht’s family business and her personally. And the scrutiny from the federal government did not stop with the IRS.

    Two DOJ agencies, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF) began to make their presence felt in Engelbrecht’s life as well.

    all this from two workers in the IRS – amazing!

    1. Couple of go-getters

    2. Thugs gotta thug.

  7. Eric Holder Just Doesn’t Know

    Start your day with a laugh.

    1. Holder’s only there in case a donor needs pardoned.

        1. urrgh. At once dreary, predictable, idiotic and immoral.

        2. Why couldn’t it have been a beef with Justin Bieber or Lena Dunham instead?

          1. If he had said it was in retribution for abortion and gay marriage, then it would make the conservatives’ heads collectively explode.

  8. For those who missed it last night, Matt Yglesias did us all the favor of watching every Star Trek episode and movie over the last many months and is now ready to share his wisdom. He also ranked a lot of shit. I’m sure you’ll all agree.

    Star Trek Series From Best to Worst
    The Next Generation
    Deep Space Nine
    The Original Series

    The 10 Best Star Trek Episodes
    “The Best of Both Worlds,” The Next Generation
    “In the Pale Moonlight,” Deep Space Nine
    “Equinox,” Voyager
    “The City on the Edge of Forever,” The Original Series
    “Chain of Command,” The Next Generation
    “Cogenitor,” Enterprise
    “What You Leave Behind,” Deep Space Nine
    “The Trouble With Tribbles,” The Original Series
    “Time’s Arrow,” The Next Generation
    “The Void,” Voyager

    1. Yglesias and Krugman are proof that we are in the darkest timeline.

    2. Matt Yglesias cements his standing as a complete moron.

    3. I have to say, for the movies I have always loved Undiscovered Country, Warth of Khan is a close second though.

      1. Wrath of Khan and First Contact for me.

        Although, Undiscovered Country has some great qualities as well.

        1. When a Klingon quotes Shakespeare during battle, you know something awesome is happening.

      2. YOU ARE AN IDIOT OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. There is not movie – not just Star Trek movie – MOVIE movie better than The Wrath of Khan.

        1. That’s only true because Armageddon is transcends film and so can’t really be considered a movie.

          1. Armageddon is a distant second, jerk.

            1. WRATH OF KHAN HAD NO SHAKY CAM!!!!

            2. A distant second to Indiana Jones 4 maybe…

              1. That’s it. Into the fridge with you.

            3. Sick of SHakespeare getting all the space action, John Steinbeck wrote “The Grapes of Wrath of Khan” but it was never picked up.

          2. Die Hard begs to differ.

            A lone off-duty cop, in his bare fucking feet, no less, takes down a giant red herring theft operation with no help from the incompetent, highly militarized local and federal law enforcement departments, which can’t help but follow their stupid by-the-book protocols.

            That movie should be number one in any libertarian movie library.

              1. It’s actually Dunphy’s biography, but he’s too humble to tell you that.

      3. No, the best Star Trek movie is Galaxy Quest

    4. I’ve tried to get into Star Trek but just can’t. Watched the first few episodes of the original, NG, and DSN and found myself dreadfully bored each time. Firefly was the only sci-fi I could ever get into, but I think that’s only because I love westerns, and what was that show other than a western in space?

      1. The first season of TNG is terrible and the first few seasons of DS9 are skippable (although I think you’d go back to them after the war arc of later seasons.)

        1. I really didn’t like TNG that much until the third season.

          1. NG was way too politically correct for me.

          2. The simple TNG rule is:

            If the uniforms have collars, watch.

            If the uniforms have no collars, change the channel ASAP.

        2. I would not write off the first whole season of TNG. It got better as it went along. Yes, the first couple of DS9 episodes are a little rough, but they do set up Commander Cisco’s disgruntled character.

          Now, Voyager. One can easily dismiss the entire first season of that disaster in space.

        3. I would not write off the first whole season of TNG. It got better as it went along. Yes, the first couple of DS9 episodes are a little rough, but they do set up Commander Cisco’s disgruntled character.

          Now, Voyager. One can easily dismiss the entire first season of that disaster in space.

      2. The problem is that the first couple of seasons of each series are the worst. Really you could start TNG and Enterprise in their third seasons, and DS9 gets awesome a few seasons in as well.

        1. Hrm, I’ve got a few bachelor days coming up starting this weekend, I’ll try season 3 on a few different series and see if anything hits.

          1. Should he just start with “Best of Both Worlds?”

          2. Hrm, I’ve got a few bachelor days coming up starting this weekend, I’ll try season 3 on a few different series and see if anything hits.

            I’d vote for “hookers and blow” before Star Trek, but whatever floats your boat.

            1. And all after a couple of hours at the range blowing through lots of ammo.

      3. TOS was supposed to be Wagon Train to the stars.

        1. I loved Wagon Train, and watched it endlessly until we cut off the cable. It made me realize that all shows are based on Wagon Train – new person comes in, new person dies (while making regular characters do things to help/stop them dying) and everything returns to normal.

    5. I dont see “Move Along Home” in that list.

      1. Heh, I love that one.

    6. He’s not wrong about the first two episodes except that “The Doomsday Machine” should be first above all else. It’s awesome. END OF DISCUSSION.

      1. If they were to relaunch Star Trek in the modern day, and go with JMS’ proposed idea to basically remake TOS, I think the Doomsday Machine is the most logical bit of “mythology” to center the show’s serialized elements around. The episode ends with Kirk implying that there are more Doomsday Machines out there, and that they could also be bigger and nasiter ones. The thing eats planets and the Federation has no idea who made it or where it came from. That would be a pretty damn good reason to give a super-young captain (who may have already defeated one in the show) the flagship of your fleet and send him off to explore unexplored space.

      2. That episode scared the absolute shit out of me when I was a kid.

        1. Me too. It is awesome.

          1. Why are you people still talking? I said END OF DISCUSSION.

            1. Because I’m a maverick renegade who doesn’t play by “The Man’s” rules!

    7. Star Trek Series From Best to Worst
      The Next Generation
      Deep Space Nine
      The Original Series

      By my lights he got this almost exactly backward. Deep Dish Nine belongs on the bottom.

      1. Wha … the …

        Wow, you cant be more wrong. I was impressed with the general rightness of his list, except Vger is below TOS.

      2. DS9 belongs below Enterprise? You got some ‘splainin’ to do!

        1. Um, yes, yes it does. DS9 is Star UN, Enterprise is an actual Star Trek.

      3. Move Enterprise up one slot and that is my worst to best Star Trek list.

      4. My ratings from here. I still stand by the list:

        ST:TOS: There is no other. It is and always will be the best. It even works with the new SFX.
        ST:TNG: A snore-fest with some bright spots and yes First Contact kicks as much ass as II and VI did.
        ST:DS9: I liked it towards the end. Seasons 4-6 and some of 7 when it wasn’t taking itself too seriously and they were blowing things up. (!)
        ST: Voyager: Star Trek more boring than TNG and an alien even more annoying than Wesley. Please die Kneelix, please die painfully and with great dismemberment.
        ST: Enterprise: I actually liked this and thought it had great promise for a couple more seasons. Jeffrey Combs A+ as an Andorian. Horrific opening credit music.

        1. BTW, that’s chronological, not best to worst.

          1. TOS
          2. DS9
          3. Enterprise & TNG (tie)
          5. Voyager
          97. Anything by JJ Abrahms

        2. ST: Enterprise: I actually liked this and thought it had great promise for a couple more seasons. Jeffrey Combs A+ as an Andorian. Horrific opening credit music.

          I agree with this. If they didn’t go off track with all the TimeCop / Xindi bullshit it could have been a really good show. The whole point of a prequel is to delve into all of the stuff that you’ve heard about but never got a chance to see; once Enterprise started getting into that it became very entertaining.

          1. Also the theme song. Not enough negative things can be said about it. They turned off half their audience once it started playing.

    8. Babylon 5 was better than all of them.

      1. DS9 is 4 better.

      2. This. B5 offered a complete story arc and never jumped the shark.

        1. DS9 had Ezri Dax.

          /drops mic

        2. The last season sucked though.

          1. It didn’t suck but yeah, it was disappointing. They thought they were going to be cancelled so they stuffed any key plot points that Season 5 was supposed to address into Season 4… and then got a very late renewal and went, “Oh shit.”

        3. It’s been 14 years, and I’m still PISSED about what TNT did to Crusade.

      3. Yeah, this. A lot of that goes to the incredible acting work they had in the first four seasons, especially J’Kar and Londo. The fifth season, for behind the scenes reason, sadly had to get rid of Ivanova, who was always one of my favorites.

    9. Has the Federation figured out cloaking yet or have the Klingon’s managed to keep that technology uber secret still?

      It was getting a little ridiculous when we are getting to the later Next Generation films and they still hadn’t figured that out.

      1. Especially since Kirk had stolen a Romulan cloaking device in TOS.

        1. Wasn’t that part of some bargain with the Romulans? No cloaking device for the goodie-two-shoes Federation?

      2. There was a TNG episode explaining this: apparently somebody in the Federation did figure out cloaking, but there was a treaty with the Romulans stating that the Federation wouldn’t use cloaking devices.

        1. Super-duper going through solid matter cloaking, but with a few kinks. A good question is why didn’t the Federation use cloaking tech in the Yesterday’s Enterprise episode/timeline – unless that would have brought war with the Romulans as well as the Klingons.

        2. Which makes even less sense, because in return the Romulans and Klingons gave up…oh, yeah, nothing.

          1. They instituted the neutral zones and stopped outright war, right?

          2. Right – thus reinforcing the concept of Federation as the US and the Klingons & Romulans as Russia & China.

      3. in TNG they explained that it was some treaty with the Romulans that said the Federation would never develop “cloaking” technology. FWIW

        1. Who was the asshole who negotiated that treaty?

          1. Who was the asshole who negotiated that treaty?

            Some lefty writer who truly believed that unilateral disarmament was the path to peace with violent, expansive empires.

            1. As an aside on the phase-cloak technology, Data should have all the relevant info on the device in his memory. He worked on it enough when installing it on the Enterprise that he should know it quite well. Plus, I doubt anyone in Starfleet was smart enough to require him to make him “forget” it.

              I always thought that would have been a great movie plot-someone figures out that he has that info sitting in his skull and they find a way to kidnap him and dump the info. Now you’ve got a rouge force running around with phase-cloak ability.

          2. A writer who realized that if the federation had cloaking technology, they’d never run into other ships in mid space, meaning their would be no conflict, meaning the show would suck.

      4. Yes, and iirc they used it on the Defiance during the war with the Dominion from DS9

    10. He ranks “Voyager” higher than the original series? Time to stop listening, I think.

    11. If you reversed that list, with Enterprise as the best followed by TOS, you’d have a good start.

      Yes, Enterprise was amazing, and to the people who hate it- well, I hope you enjoy floating on a boat captained by Sad Beard the Pirate.

      1. I disagree with a lot of the Enterprise hate, but I wouldn’t rank it first. I liked DS9 too much (even though I first thought the idea of Star Trek on a station instead of a ship was stupid).

        1. Enterprise was my first series and what got me into Trek generally, so I am highly biased. Still, I’ve been trying to get into TNG, watching it from the beginning, and it is… not very good, 3 or 4 episodes in. I know it gets better etc., but I have come to the conclusion that a lot of the love it gets is because it was most people’s intro to Trek. I mean, they kept Tasha Yar and Wesley around for like, 2 seasons at the beginning. That was a terrible move.

          1. Also, I think you notice Jonothan Archer’s “Hokey Americana” persona a little more as an adult, whereas kids will forgive that kind of shit from Kirk. Me, I personally always have a soft spot for that kind of stuff.

          2. The first season of TNG was really horrible, only really watchable compared to the other really horrible prior Sci Fi series which were even worse.

            It really did get much better and was all in all a very good show through the middle parts of it’s life.

          3. The first season is not that good, but at the time the production quality and effects were freaking amazing for TV, so a lot of people overlooked that.

            1. Yeah, and Tasha Yar.

              Enough said.

      2. How can anyone get past the shove-an-ice-pick-in-your-ear-to-relieve-the-pain theme song? Seriously? One my dreams in life is to punch in the balls the asshole who wrote that song. Well him and whoever came up with this idea.

        1. What the fuck? Is that a joke?

        2. You mute it during the credits.

        3. I wanna slap him repeatedly in the face with a large herring while screaming “words do not belong in a Star Trek theme song”.

          1. Kinky.

        4. You sing it loudly and ironically along with him. Duh. The pregnancy has clearly addled your brain, my dear (but seriously, how are you doing?).

          1. Very pukey and exhausted but overall I’m doing well. Luckily, I don’t have to work and can live off my husband’s labor. Today I plan on unpacking boxes at my leisure and going to the store. Living the good life.

        5. I remember watching the first episode, giddy* with anticipation, and when I heard the theme song I said to myself, “uh-oh.”

          * Not really, but I was really looking forward to it.

  9. The U.S. government has taken a strong dislike to Bitcoin, what with its anonymity and ease of use for stuff politicians don’t like.

    Does it get any more dog bites man than this? Who didn’t see this coming a mile away?

      1. More like Soviet style propaganda.

      2. We should pay attention to CBO forecasts because they have been spot on to date.


        1. Isn’t this the 3rd year in a row it’s been predicted to be less than a trillion?

          1. I think they have been consistently above 1T. (11=1.5T; 12=1.1T; 13=845B) and the 1-year projections are reasonably accurate (because they release them after the first quarter has already happened!). But a study by the Fed showed the 5 and 10-year projections released each year were off by more than 10%, which cumulatively makes them almost worthless.

            1. Naw, I’m almost positive I saw 900 billion or so for 2012 at one point.

      3. More Manageable =/= Solved

  10. D.C. Considers Mandatory $250K Insurance Policy for Gun Buyers

    The D.C. Council is considering requiring people to purchase liability insurance before they can get a license to own a gun.

    The bill would mandate that prospective gun owners maintain at least a $250,000 policy. The policy would cover damages from negligent acts or intentional acts that aren’t undertaken in self-defense.

    so only the rich will be able to afford guns?

    1. Don’t worry, the supplemental legislation to fix this problem and make gun ownership more will not be far off.

      1. *make gun ownership more fair will not be far off.

    2. so only the rich will be able to afford legal guns. Poor criminals will do what they always have and steal them.

    3. How about a $250K policy before you can vote, in case your vote helps elect a fucking retard.

      1. +1 extra vote

      2. No insurance company would sell you a policy protecting you from something that is guaranteed to happen.

        1. They will under Obamacare!

      3. Your idea intrigues me. Under what conditions would such a policy pay out? And to whom?

    4. Rich? What insurer wouldn’t jump at the offer to sell you insurance for 0.01%/year on the dollar or less. I wouldn’t think it would cost $100/year/customer to insure this.

      1. Sorry, Brett beat me to it.

        The actual rate of negligent use of guns resulting in cash settlements has to be miniscule to negligible.

        “Hey, how much should we price a policy for this shit that never happens ever?”

        “Um, I don’t know, call it $5.”

        1. I think it should be Five Cents

          1. + one Peanut

    5. It’s a great idea.

      There should also be an insurance policy issued before you use any of your constitutional rights. Don’t want troops quartered in your home? Better by an insurance policy. You want the freedom to speak? Pay up, suckers.

      After all, fuck you, that’s why.

      1. You want the freedom to speak? Pay up, suckers.

        Excellent. Insurance in case anyone is offended by your speech.

    6. This policy will cost like $5, embarrassing the hell out of the DC government.

      Fucking actuarial analysis, how does it work?

      1. Actuarial analysis + political machinations = $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  11. Someone won’t stop using the phone in a theatre.

    Do you:

    * silently fume
    * grab their phone and throw it across the room
    * complain about how I spelt “theatre”? And “spelt”?

    1. What did she say? I couldn’t make it past her mangling of theater…

    2. The audience, on the other hand, was horrible ? talking, using their phones, and making a general nuisance of themselves.

      And this is why I have not set foot in a theater in nearly six years. Nor will I, thanks to my home theater set-up.

      1. Nor will I, thanks to my home theater set-up.

        …and a universal remote so expensive you have to operate it with your pinky up?

        1. …and a universal remote so expensive you have to operate it with your pinky up?

          I have servants for that. Underage, at that.

          Nor will I, thanks to my home theater set-up.


          77″ of 1080p projector goodness combined with a whoopass sound system. A separate analog system (all vacuum tube driven) for records and regular old CDs. With DVDs being released mere months after the theater release (rather than being close to a year as it used to be), I have no reason to spend $50+ on going to the theater. I can sit in my underwear in my recliner, and eat all the snacks I want.

          1. I can sit in my underwear in my recliner, and eat all the snacks I want.

            Yup. And pause the movie for snacks, bathroom, booze, etc. Why anyone would want to go to an actual theater and deal with the obnoxious audience these days is beyond me.

            1. Agreed. BTW, this was a live dramatic performance

          2. 77″ of 1080p projector goodness combined with a whoopass sound system.

            I’m guessing Opeth Live at Royal Albert Hall is like being there.

            1. Yes.

              Though the Porcupine Tree Bluray (Anesthetize) is better (though the vinyl sounds even better).

              Of course I also saw the same exact set as the Royal Albert Hall set in NYC 2 days later on their 20th anniversary tour. It fucking ruled.

      2. I honor your use of “set foot.” More and more often, I hear people saying “stepped foot.”

        1. Well, I’m middle-aged guy, so shit like “stepped foot” grates on my nerves.

      3. You must not have kids. No amount of people talking on their phones will make watching a movie more difficult than a 10 year old with ADHD will.

      4. Absolutely.

        Other people are the worst. Why people want to go sit in a dark room with hundreds of strangers for two hours in a fruitless attempt at being entertained is beyond me.

        1. I’ve never had someone try to change his kid’s diaper in the middle of the movie, so at least there’s that.

          1. Bullshit. I’m sure you’ve been in a movie theater where a diaper has been changed.

            That said, I’ve never changed a kids diaper in a movie theater either. Nor have I changed a diaper on a table in a restaurant.

            But I would.

    3. I usually go with “shut the fuck up!” Its worked every time.

    4. I mean, I normally would complain about the third one, but as an Australian you’re descended from criminals and the mentally unfit. You can’t help it.

  12. What Did People Use Before Toilet Paper?

    Using the bathroom has come a long way from when ancient Greeks used stones and pieces of clay for personal hygiene. Toilet paper is one of those things that often gets taken for granted in modern times, except for places Charmin has yet to infiltrate. This is definitely one of those unavoidable things in life, so through many centuries and in many cultures, everyone had their own method of staying clean. Be warned: We’re going to get specific.

    Ancient Romans were a bit more sophisticated than the Greeks when it came to cleansing: They opted for a sponge on the end of a long stick that was shared by everyone in the community.

    1. Venezuela hopes to wipe out toilet paper shortage

      Minister blames shortage on ‘excessive demand caused by media campaign generated to disrupt the country’

      Let’s hope this shit doesn’t happen here!

      1. the world is nothing but a big ol’ cemetery and a sewer.

      2. Poor socialists. They have terrible luck. It seems like every time they take over a country it’s right before it collapses economic. Terrible luck, that.

        Don’t worry, guy. Next time socialism won’t produce more poverty and shortages. Really.

        1. That calls for this Heinlein quote:

          Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded ? here and there, now and then ? are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty.

          This is known as “bad luck.”

    2. Dn’t get me wrong, toilet paper is a major advance in ass maintenance, but baby wipes are even more indispensable to my particular operation.

      In the woods while backcountry hiking I have used (smooth) river rocks, and they aren’t bad at all, and very effective.

      1. i look forward to seeing smooth river rocks sold as permanent eco-friendly alternatives to loo paper, followed by anguished stories about how our insatiable desire for clean clefts has led to the destruction of river beds

        1. I look forward to the inevitable lawsuit when a pumice stone finds its way into the smooth stone bag.

          1. Clearly the work of terrorists. We need to add power to Homeland Security to deal with this problem, when it arises.

        2. I’d go for the bidet. After all, the water simply goes through the water cycle, to be used again and again.

      2. Once you buy wet wipes for adults, you never go back.

        Costco has enormous store-brand boxes of them.

    3. What Did People Use Before Toilet Paper?

      Toilet parchment and toilet papyrus, of course.

      1. And the nobility has toilet vellum?

    4. “I wash myself with a rag on a stick” /Bart Simpson.

    5. Sponge on a stick is the weak point in any and all “time travel back to Ancient Rome and invent shit like gunpowder” daydream.

      Well before you could get a workable toilet paper industry going, you’d have to been forced to subject yourself to sponge on a stick. Unless most of the cargo space of your time machine was filled with TP.

      No thanks.

  13. Police under fire after video shows officer grabbing man by his neck and threatening to beat him after responding to noisy party at his house

    Will anything else happen?

  14. Just for the ladies – Ricky Gervais shows off his moobs!

  15. Macaulay Culkin trades smack for a three pack a day smoking habit.
    Who cares, right?

    1. I’ve noticed most “recovering” addicts just trade one vice for another.

      1. Tautology time:

        People with addiction-tending personalities, have addiction-tending personalities.

        /not sure if personality is right word, but fuck it.

        1. /not sure if personality is right word


          1. Weakness?

        2. Mental illness?

          I mean, seriously, a crazy amount of substance abuse is tied to conditions like depression, insomnia, and schizophrenia.

          1. The Bipolars I’ve know seem particularly susceptible to addiction – and particularly obnoxious when loaded.

      2. It’s generally the difference between a legal, socially accepted vice and one that isn’t.

      3. AA meetings are basically where people go to chain smoke and drink coffee by the gallon.

    2. He looks like he’s doing alright financially. Does he get decent residuals from Home Alone?

      1. Or did Michael Jackson leave a lot in his will?

        1. +1 Pet Monkey

      2. I thought his parents fucked his whole Home Alone money situation when he was a kid.

        1. Well, then, thank god for Uncle Buck!

    3. Is it especially rare for somebody to go through a 3-pack/day period in their lives? There are lots of 2-pack/day smokers out there. It seems safe to assume that some of them have gone through periods of even heavier use.

  16. Wooden swimming costumes, a photograph gun and a mill to send water uphill: The strangest inventions of history that show human ingenuity is boundless


  17. The wheels on the bus go round and round…

  18. Lost in translation: Hilarious signs in China are leaving travellers and businessmen lost for words

    I think I’ll try the ‘Fuck the duck until exploded’ please.

    1. “Translate server error” – that’s awesome.

  19. AC repairman: 9:30 Wednesday == 8:30 Thursday.

    1. ==Fired and name passed about town.

      1. Im giving them a little bit of slack, they originally told me that first opening was Friday, then said, “wait, I think we can slide you in about 9 or 9:30 tomorrow morning”. So, not fired, but probably not getting used again.

        1. I’ve found that the key these days is finding someone who is young enough to still be hungry but not so young as to be completely inexperienced.

        2. I don’t mind that stuff, IF they call me Wednesday morning before they’re supposed to show and say, “sorry, we overestimated.”

  20. Venture Capital In Medical Innovation Declines

    Venture capital investment in American life-sciences innovation is suffering an alarming decline. The number of new biotechnology and medical device companies receiving start-up financing has now fallen to the lowest levels in 18 years, according to PriceWaterhouseCoopers.

    In recent decades, the cost of developing a single new medicine has grown more than 10-fold, to $1.5 billion. On average, each new drug spends 15 years in development. And only two in 10 successfully commercialized medicines ever earn a return on investment.

    obviously more regulations are required!

    1. I’m sure the government will step in to fill the void.

    2. I’m sure Obamacare’s medical device tax has and general level of fuckitude and uncertainty has nothing to do with this.

    3. “One of the most powerful incentives is exclusivity periods,” they noted, “which allow sponsors to recover costs and make profits without generic competition.”

      Well, we certainly can’t have that!

      It sickens me how progs prefer we all move forward with medical innovation slowly, but together. Why can’t we move in a dead fucking sprint without a majority of riders bitching about how those in the caboose aren’t as far along as those in the engine?

      I know there are a wide range of views here about intellectual property and exclusivity periods, but R&D in biotech and medical fields are well fed by it IMO.

  21. Hurrah!

    High School Student Won’t Face Charges for Exploding Science Project

    Not hurrah

    She’s still expelled and will have to do a diversion program

    1. No details were released about the diversion program.

      “Diversion program”? I *really* don’t like the sound of that.

      1. “Diversion program”? I *really* don’t like the sound of that.

        Don’t worry. It’s just the new term for Re-education Camp.

        1. Don’t worry. It’s just the new term for Re-education Camp

          And it’s run by the Ministry of Love.

      2. If it means the same thing it did in my high school, it’s where they send you if you get knocked up or caught shoplifting or something. So, not exactly reeducation, but not exactly education either.

    2. That’ll teach her to be curious. Must be diverted from self guided education, I guess.

      What I want to know is what good is a science experiment that doesn’t explode?

      1. Climate change model?

      2. According to Mythbusters Nothing.

        And I agree with them 100%

  22. Among the off-message excesses of the U.S. Army sexual-assault prevention coordinator now under investigation for coordinating nothing of the sort was, allegedly, convincing a soldier to try her hand at prostitution.

    I cannot for the life of me remember what Field Manual that dealt with “Pimpin’ Operations”….was it FM 69-10?

    1. MOS 69A: Madame
      MOS 69B: Prostitute

    2. Ask Collins. He seems well versed.

    3. On behalf of the AF, thanks.

    4. Could be in the FM used for special operations.

  23. I’m surprised most government officials haven’t learned the trick of conductung their shady business on burner phones and anonymized e-mail.

    Wait, what? Why are you laughing?

    1. That explains why I was so well managed in college.

      1. Serious or sarcasm?

        1. I was thinner and had better fasting blood sugars for those years, despite eating terribly, drinking to excess and hardly exercising. I’m sure much of it was youth, but not all of it, certainly.

          1. i read that as “better tasting blood sugars” and did not think it unusual coming from you

            1. and did not think it unusual coming from you

              There’s a reason for that.

            2. Crazy factoid: “Diabetes mellitus” has the suffix from the Greek word for “honey.” Our ancient Attic ancestors used to diagnose the beetus but drinking the patient’s piss which was, yup – you guessed it, sweeter than average.

              1. Dr. Ke$ha will see you now.

    2. Were the patient groups controlled for age? As Sugar Tits indicated above, a lot probably has to do with youth and and a lower average age for users.

    3. Does this mean my carb-cutting is less effective than it would be if I were…in the control group?

      1. Nikki, you just want an excuse to eat carbs again, don’t you? It’s not about your love for marijuana at all!

        1. Actually it’s about the precision with which I want to direct my self-loathing.

          1. Precision Guided Self-loathing would be a good album name.

            1. Especially if it was by some artist who targeted 16 year old girls in that goth chick/daria/rebel mode.

  24. Robert Gibbs: Obama response to scandals sounds like me scolding my 9-year-old

    Former Obama White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs ? now an MSNBC contributor ? explained to Andrea Mitchell Tuesday afternoon that President Obama made White House Press Secretary Jay Carney’s job more difficult.

    Carney would have had an easier time defending the president, suggested Gibbs, if the president had spoken out on the IRS scandal over the weekend.

    1. cause it’s the President’s job to make his press secretary’s life easier. Everyone associated with this administration is good at one thing: blaming someone else.

  25. The Dominique Strauss-Kahn movie about his rape charge, starring actual ra[pist Gerard Depardieu, now has a trailer. Directed by Abel Ferrara and probably NSFW, unless you work with STEVE SMITH


    1. It would be more appropriate if it were directed by Roman Polanski.

        1. ++1 or, +=1

      1. Was it “directed directed”?

  26. His DeadDrop project allows anonymous tipsters to communicate with journalists in a secure fashion.

    I think we can see a bright future for federal prosecutors who can successfully hound the government’s enemies into, at worst, unwarranted prison sentences or, at best, suicide.

  27. In Jacksonville, being a cop’s ex-girlfriend means all your records get searched. Internal affairs assures us nothing improper happened:


    1. Procedures were followed; nothing else happened.

    2. it was low level functionaries in the cincinnati precinct.

      1. Nice

  28. Do you mean to tell us that our benevolent overlords either weren’t forthcoming with the truth or just plain lied? Gosh oh golly, my worldview is shattered.

    1. They’re only fibs, not lies.

      1. Yeah, they’re only lies if the other party says them

  29. Kevin Williamson: The Nine Lies of Lois Lerner

    Lie No. 1: Lois Lerner’s apology last Friday was a spontaneous reaction to an unexpected question from an unknown audience member. In fact, the question came from tax lawyer and lobbyist Celia Roady. Ms. Roady has some interesting career highlights: She was part of the 1997 ethics investigation of Newt Gingrich, but, more to the point, she was appointed to the IRS’s Advisory Council on Tax-Exempt and Government Entities by IRS commissioner Douglas Shulman. She is a longtime colleague of Lerner, who is director of tax-exempt organizations. Ms. Roady has declined to comment on whether her question was planted, but it obviously was.

    8 more lies in the link.

  30. Microsoft is reading every Skype chat message you send, and tracking down “suspicious” links.

    1. I wonder if the government is reading every post on reason and tracking down the suspicious posts/links?

      If this is so, how many jobs are created/saved by Reasonoids?

      1. “This Palin’s Buttplug character? I like him.”

        -Gubmint Links Stalker

        1. That’s right, there will be no Troll Free Thursday this day! I’m breaking all the rules!

      2. VG Zaytsev is clearly an East German Stasi officer.

    2. This story has been making the rounds, but I’m not sure there’s anything there. Clearly the client is parsing out the links; that’s how they’re hyperlinked. I don’t know that it’s great that they’re being sent to the server, but I don’t know that’s it’s a big issue.

    3. Funnily enough, the sheer volume of information that they are trying to collect limits the effectiveness of their snooping. I mean, unless they were to ignore most of the data and just focus on opponents of the government, but I mean, when has that ever happened?

  31. And this is the After . . .

    A couple of weeks ago, I introduced you to Ihsahn, ex-member of the venerable Emperor, who has delved in to a very unique brand of avant-garde black metal. Incorporating strange, unexpected times signatures, rhythms, and instruments (saxophone in black metal?), Ihsahn has set a new path in metal and created a sound all his own.

    “After” is the title track from his second album (which is arguably his best) from 2010.


  32. Congressman: Justice Dept. Wiretapped the House of Representative’s Cloak Room

    1. Is there anyone that Obama hasn’t wiretapped?

      1. Well, since I got rid of my landline I suppose it would be difficult to wiretap me.

      2. Scarlett Johnasson?

    2. I miss the dagger room.

      1. “Cloak room” does sound so 1840s.

    3. The Cloak Room in Austin was a fun bar off-season from the Legislature.

    1. I’m sorry, guys, just because YOU weren’t directly involved with keeping women in the kitchen, that doesn’t absolve you from the realities of our ugly past.

      1. unto the third and fourth generation…

        1. They want men to provide for them out of a sense of obligation. Is it really any different than it always was?

          1. They want men to provide for them out of a sense of obligation. Is it really any different than it always was?

            The message is pretty much the same–Take care of us! We can’t do it ourselves!

      2. Actually, yes it does.

        That is exactly what not being involved does.

        1. Yeah, that is well and truly disgusting. And another chance for me to plug Thomas Sowell’s Intellectuals and Race, which deals with exactly that point wrt race, and I just finished yesterday. Very good read–partially repetitive of Intellectuals and Society though, FYI.

          1. I’m listening to his Economics in 3 volumes on my commute. He’s awesome because he just keeps beating the same drums about people responding rationally to their incentives and “efficient allocation of scare resources”. Its fantastic. I’d love to force several liberal friends to listen.

            1. “When history shows how hard it can be to maintain peace and cooperation among contemporaries, why would we take on the complex, divisive and ultimately futile task of redressing issues between our long dead ancestors or pass on to generations yet unborn the seeds of strife to blight their lives?”

            2. I’d love to force several liberal friends to listen


              1. I’d love to, but I won’t. NAP and other principles of mine preventing it. I’ll have to settle for trying to convince them by persuasive argument.

                1. I’ll have to settle for trying to convince them by persuasive argument.

                  Because that’s been working so well thus far.

            3. Its fantastic. I’d love to force several liberal friends to listen.

              Who needs t know anything about economics when unicorn farts will do?

      3. In fact, it gives you an excellent ethical opportunity to atone for our collective sins ? and generally just be an awesome person ? by recognizing that you still benefit from a corrupt system, and you’re down to even the playing field.

        “atone for our collective sins” = hopefully the most disgusting thing I’ll read all day

        1. My few collective sins are covered under conspitacy statutes already, and the statute of limitations has run out by now. No atonement for me, thanks.

        2. “atone for our collective sins”

          It has all the makings of original sin. They are just riffing on the oldest story ever told.

        3. generally just be an awesome person

          Fucking emotional retards. It’s telling how they have to appeal to popularity rather than logic to make their case.

          Just another example of life’s losers who can’t stop obsessing about being picked on in high school.

      4. In fact, it gives you an excellent ethical opportunity to atone for our collective sins


      5. Well, I can give her the mule, but I do not have the money at the moment to buy 40 acres.

      6. BTW, I am now eagerly anticipating Jezebel’s next “Why aren’t more people feminists?” article, just so I can use a dummy email to get an account their and hyper link this.

      7. So…women can’t be chefs?

    2. So, the Millennial bros ? or, really, any bros ? who are stressed about women getting all the advantages these days can sit back and relax; men still have it much, much better than ladies. However, if we can all support each other, we can have a fair and awesome workplaces the world over and just binge eat from the giant office pretzel jar while watching unusual animal friendship videos on YouTube and trolling Reddit while we’re supposed to be working. You know, the stuff we all love to do.


        1. “Death or Mau Mau?”

          1. i choose cake

            1. You choose lies, ifh, lies.

      1. We will not be equal until we are all equally lazy and fat. The real divide is not between men and women, but between useless losers and everyone else.

        1. I got bad news for you, I am already fat and lazy, but life hasn’t changed.

    3. Well, at least they’re dropping the pretense of “fairness” and “equality” and going for the more honest “You get screwed because I say so” routine.

      I imagine this attitude will help keep the men folk of the next generation from being deceived.

    4. I can read the words in this article, but I can’t force them into any semblance of meaning. What is this zero sum gender war game that all of these collectivist whiners seem to be playing? And, for that matter, what “place in society” has been lost to be mourned?

      When I see an individual doing well and generally getting after it, my first thought is not to twist their success into an excuse for my own lack of it.

      1. Time to go atone for some of the guilt of the not-hating-the-patriarchy collective, Dagny. Please tell us how you plan to do this, including details of where exactly you will “lean in” and what the fuck that even means.

        1. I knew “lean in” had jumped the shark when Obama used it in a speech. Still don’t know what the fuck it means.

          1. I actually do know what it means. You’re supposed to think of things in terms of “leaning back,” i.e., consuming stimuli but basically letting things happen to you, vs. “leaning forward” or “in” where you are actively directing the shape of your own life. So Sheryl Sandberg’s book is supposed to be telling women to lean in and just go and get what they want for themselves, not sit back and wait for things to happen to them.

            1. how did I miss this.

              I hear “lean in” and immediately think of trying to get hit by a pitch.

              1. I actually think of that too, still, and I’m far from a baseball fan.

            2. Is “leaning in” related to “throwing shade”? Because, like, if I lean in the right direction, wouldn’t I throw more shade? Whatever the fuck that means.

            3. The funny thing is that most of the Jezebel commenters (and all of the writers) have very un-“lean-in”-y jobs.

              If I had the choice, I might consider trying out how leaning back feels, for a change. Leaning back in Aruba.

              1. I would lean back in a second if I could.

                I mean, if I were constitutionally capable of doing so. Or if some rich dude wanted to keep me, I would be pretty cool with that too.

            4. “where you are actively directing the shape of your own life”

              I just caught this part. I thought that’s what separates adults from children.

            5. “leaning forward” or “in” where you are actively directing the shape of your own life. So Sheryl Sandberg’s book is supposed to be telling women to lean in and just go and get what they want for themselves,

              There is no way the feminists signed on for that. I think they’re using it to mean “make someone give you what you want”.

              1. There is no way the feminists signed on for that. I think they’re using it to mean “make someone give you what you want”.

                Nah–many feminists don’t like Sandberg’s book, and this post is telling men to lean in. Lean in and actively help women get more jobs, or something.

            6. Then she gets angry when it turns out that what women want is a “traditional” career as a homemaker.

          2. I didn’t even know it was a thing. Does anyone know what it means?

            1. In the original German, it means “whales vagina”.

        2. I don’t really get what is so fucking magical to these people about “the workplace.” What is that, even. I don’t deserve a fucking cookie for having a goddamn grownup job. I have a job because I need to have one so I can pay for things like shelter and food and exotic vacations, not to make some fucking political statement.

          1. Well, there are people who work to get money to pay for things, and people who think working or not working is a political statement along with everything else they do in their lives.

          2. Because they don’t like the actual gritty part of human interaction where a guy could make an actually funny rape joke or being propositioned at the office could be non-horrifying. They like to think in big, conceptual terms that let them look at society as an interaction between groups, who they can then shunt into the two key groups “privileged” and “marginalized” and not have to deal with reality, like when a black person discriminates against a white person based on race.

            Hence, “The Workplace” “The Patriarchy” “The Rape Culture” etc.

            1. I’m not sure where it was about 20 years ago when I subconsciously recognized that mastering the Japanese language (written & spoken) and moving to Japan would allow me to :

              a) Opt out of the politically correct path which the US was/is tied to
              b) Give me more well paying, professional career options than I found in the US
              c) And provide more and higher quality bed and/or life partners than I found in the US

              Anything remotely similar to the Jezebel mentality is a mere sideshow now.

              1. You find things to be less PC in Japan than in the U.S.? I had quite the opposite experience during my time there as a student and as an English teacher. Of course, I just ignored their PC bullshit, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. Everyone was always walking on eggshells in order to not offend so-and-so.

                1. I doubt there is a human society on this earth which does not have its set viewpoint of “how things are”. I find the standard Japanese cultural viewpoint does not concern me as much nor to the extent as the PC atmosphere in the US did. At least I generally get props for anything good I do as an individual and don’t carry around some debt for “centuries of racism/sexism.

    5. So, uh, they know the change must and will come ? but they’re not really doing anything to hasten its arrival. Which, honestly, fucking sucks. Men in the workplace should be the most vocal proponents of women in the workplace, and I’m sorry, guys, just because YOU weren’t directly involved with keeping women in the kitchen, that doesn’t absolve you from the realities of our ugly past.

      There are like 4 puke-worthy sentiments in that paragraph alone, every assertion completely bogus. It is crystallized stupidity. And is there some Jezebel.com prerequisite that everything is written in the style of rejected Cracked articles?

    6. …expecting guys to stay home to cook, clean, and put the kids to bed, too?

      Given the low level of intelligence generally assigned to men by a certain segment of the population, wouldn’t leaving them alone with the children be considered a form of neglect?

    1. I’m sure Obama has several layers of cut-outs in place to keep his hands clean.

    2. What difference, at this point, does it make?

      1. this, however, claims the same emails prove the adminstration has been exonerated.

  33. The 9 lies of Lois Lerner.

    Yeah, it’s national review, but I can find no fault with the article. Plus, there’s actually 10, when you include the one up there in the morning links.

      1. Ah, so I didn’t refresh. So sue me.

        1. My lawyer will contact yours.

          1. Fuck that noise, I’m a southern hick. Unless your lawyer is also your second, like mine is. He’s also my nutritionist.

            It’s a tough economy.

            1. aha! An old fashioned duel – now that’s more to my liking.

              *strikes Coeus with glove*

            2. I read a book about this. Can’t remember, but the super-smart guy started life as a dirt poor “lawyer” in East Tx, where lawyers stood in place of their client in pistol duels.

    1. It may be NR but Kevin Williamson is worth reading regularly, IMHO.

  34. The Atlantic posts an article excusing the IRS because the Marxist that flew his plane into their building was “similar to the Tea Party”

    They’re not even trying anymore. Any excuse, no matter how obtuse, gets thrown out there.


    2. throw something against the wall and see if it sticks.

    3. Read the comments and despair.

    4. So they have force IRS commissioner out too. So no gun laws and no tax laws for them. So there is going to be more a lot NRA type organizations but no unions because Walmart does not like them.

      Argumentum ad streamum de conciousnessum

      1. Look, if they let their guard down, even for a moment, then violent Republicans right wing extremists are going to round up gays into camp, replace the industrial base of the Midwest with rooms of women strapped down to be literal “baby factories”, destroy unions, and use a giant magnifying glass to melt the polar ice caps.

        That is why they can never, ever, ever let the Republicans win. Even if it seems like the government has blatantly violated the rights of Republicans, they can’t be allowed to win, because the consequences are just that horrifying.

    5. Dammit. Refresh, Brett.

    6. I thought it was BOOOOOOOOOSH!!! that flew the plane into the IRS building.

    7. Well Coeus, I had to leave a comment on that page, and it was basically what you said.

      ” Shorter Garance;” He wouldnt beat you if you didnt make him so mad.”

      Then I went and made an egg sandwich. I sat back down, eating the sandwich, and looked to see if I had any replies. I did. From Garance. She deleted the comment.

      1. The majority of the staff at the Atlantic has started taking Coates’s draconion view of comments. Many writers are just turning them off now. The more progressive they get, the less feedback they want. Your account may be banned now.

  35. listening to The Wild Swans – if you like Echo or Ocean Blue

    a song about WWI

  36. I ran across this somewhat randomly. Apparently someone created a new eldridtch horror with multiple saggy tits.

    1. “somewhat randomly”

      *slowly nods and backs out of the room*

      1. Tell me that’s not gonna haunt your dreams.

    2. Huh! That cost $300,000 of taxpayers’ money, and was commissioned as part of the celebrations of the centenary of my home town Canberra, the capital of Australia.

      And no, no-one knows WTF is has to do with the centenary.

      1. And I thought your wildlife was scary. You people have some serious issues.

      2. Maybe it has to do with the hideous crime your people committed against nature when you hunted the tit-whales to extinction.

        1. Now, SF – that was the Kiwis next door that did that, wasn’t it? I thought the tit-whales had been beaching in frantic attempts to eat New Zealand sheep. Drunken All-Blacks followers stormed the beaches and beat the whales to death with empty Steinlager bottles.

          1. Y’know, somebody should be collecting all this for the “Hit & Run History of the World”.

            1. It begins in the time before time, the nothingness of the pre-Big Bang, when The Jacket was vomited forth into existence.

        2. A guilt we can never expatiate. And let’s not even talk about the loss of the native cock-rat

          The skywhale might also be a sort of joke about Canberra’s name. Officially it’s an indigenous word meaning “meeting place”. Unofficially, it acquired the secondary meaning of meeting place because it was used as one. It made a great meeting place because there are two distinctive mountains on a plain, which made the indigenous people think of “canberra”, which is their word for breasts.

          So our national capital is Tittytown

          1. This is why I love this place. There is no where else I could have posted this random picture and gotten that much info.

            Thank you. And may your future be drop-bear free.

  37. Map shows world’s most racist countries (and the answers may surprise you)


    1. India, huh. Not terribly surprising.

    2. Nothing surprising there, including the fact that they left the most racist off of the key. The grey countries are far and away the worst.

    3. Hong Kong, the home of Darkie toothpaste

      1. My Chinese friends inform me that their word for “black person” also means “ghost” or “demon”.

        1. When I worked with Mexicans they told me their word for “black person” translated to “bat”, as in flying rodent.

          1. Que los negros?

          2. Those Mexicans were probably kidding you.

        2. My Chinese friends victims inform me…


    4. We should be more racist. Every other first world country is doing it!

      1. WOP’s up? How’s your dago?

        1. After googling, I feel the need to inform you you are using the wrong kind of racism on me. Try something more like ‘queeb’ or ‘snowfrog’.

          1. You’re a French Canadian with excessive vaginal flatulence?

            If I was capable of sympathy I’d offer you some, but since I’m not I’ll just invite you to look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

            1. You’re thinking of queef.

                1. That’s fucking stupid. Why the hell did people start using a separate word to mean the same exact thing as queef (especially when it already has another meaning)?

                  1. Cuz language improvization is fun?

          2. Interestingly, ‘you people’ are referred to as Coonasses here. However, the culture is so well liked that almost no one considers that a derogatory term.

            Once upon not so long ago that was not the case. I have a buddy, he is 70ish, who learned english when he was 12, and his family always warned him to “stay away from Americans, they are trashy and nothing but trouble.”

            Ironically the American kids at that time were told the same thing about the Cajuns.

            Nowadays we all get along famously.

            Come to think of it, this redneck cracker is due another crawfish boil in Ville Platte.

            1. They named the paddywagon after my people and not because they were driving it. Also, we have a reputation for anger. But kind of senseless anger and violence that doesn’t acheive much.

    5. I’m sorry, but I just can’t put stock in to this map. Any country that has Nega Meluca (Crazy Nigger) as a nationwide symbol that they are very proud of can’t be thought of as not very racist.

    6. The fact that Japan only rates a 10-14.9% makes me question the authenticity of this map as well. Japanese people are easily 35% or higher. I really want this to be true though so that I can trot it out anytime someone wants to tell me about my white, heteronormative privilege. Fuck that noise.

  38. Nerd fight!

    I’m picturing something like this.

  39. “…he (Obama ) may want to do something about that smell of BS clinging to the tax collectors’ offices.”

    The all-time king of BS would do this….why?

    It is also interesting that they would lie about the surge in applications when they know there is a record of said applications, and they know it will be checked. That is the ultimate ‘fuck you’, or the behavior of a pathological liar.

    A friend of mine has his own business and discovered his secretary/book keeper was stealing from him. She denied it. He showed her the checkbook where she had written checks, forged his name, and paid her rent, bought groceries and gasoline etc.. With incontrovertable proof right in front of her she offered no explanation but still denied it. He showed her a judgement he had discovered hidden in a file cabinet that ordered her wages garnished. When it was served, naturally she was the one who signed for it. She denied having done so, and even denied that there was such a judgement against her.

    Wait a minute…I better shut up. If I keep going on like that about her and some lackey for obama might read this and try to hire her on at the White House.

    1. Well, what happened?

      Did your friend discharge the embezzler?

      Put another way, did he fire the bitch?

      1. Yet to be seen.
        I am guessing it will end with a jail sentence. She signed for a judgment and then did not deliver it to her boss, instead hid it from him. Judges tend to frown on that sort of thing.

        I doubt he will get his money back.

  40. Wold’s funniest human says “fuck your delicate sensibilities”. The fact that her brain doesn’t implode is proof that there’s no god.

    1. There is more proof that there is no god. Namely that lightning doesnt strike those who post links to Jezebel on H&R.

      1. They should just tell us the grade level of the comments and be done with it.

  41. This IRS scandal is all the Tea Party’s fault. Daddy has to hit us because his discipline is how he shows his love.

    1. Get’em Ted.

      1. Unfortunately, Bret already pointed out his error before I spotted it. 🙁

  42. Yet another example of the Althouse rule in action:

    Women are naturally better spies.

    1. My gf is a stalker type. Be it FB or watching out the windows. If I’d let her get away with it, she’d totally have binoculars to spy on the neighbors.

      1. Telescope. It’s for ‘astronomy’, don’t you know. Because you can see more than six stars in the Houston sky at night.

    2. So, women are naturally deceitful and psychotic and sometimes that’s good?

      I’ll admit, I didn’t read the article, so correct me if I missed anything important.

      1. For those not in the know, Ann Althouse noticed something about feminists a while back. The rule is “There are no differences between the sexes. Unless women are better at something.”

  43. Should he just start with “Best of Both Worlds?”

  44. The kid who chewed his pop-tart in to the shape of a gun is fucked for good.

    Robin Ficker, the family attorney, met with school system officials Wednesday after filing an appeal asking that the suspension be reversed or that the child’s record be cleared. Schools officials did neither, and the family now plans to go to Superintendent Kevin M. Maxwell to argue that the boy, now 8, was simply playing, Ficker said. “No one was hurt,” Ficker said. “No one was scared.”

    snip . . .

    In Anne Arundel, Ficker said, school officials offered to change the reason for the suspension to “general disruption” and remove references to the pastry gun, but they told him that they would not clear it from the child’s record.

    [. . .]

    The child’s father, William “B.J.” Welch, said he had hoped that school officials might be more receptive. “I guess I expected more of a fair result,” he said Wednesday night. “I don’t view the punishment and the mark on my son’s record as a reasonable reaction to the situation that took place.”

    He expected the people who suspended his child for chewing his pasty in an unapproved manner to be fair? No offense, but this dude has abused spouse syndrome.

    1. I’m pretty sure not removing references to the pastry gun and changing it to “general disruption” will actually be better for this kid’s record. After all, is he really going to come into contact with people this insane later in life? Well, maybe.

      1. That was my thought as well. How is that possibly any better for the kid?

      2. Does anyone really give a fuck why a kid was suspended as an 8 year old?
        Are we so fucking gone in this country that 20 years from now this is going to cost that kid a chance at a job, a mortgage or his Obamacare?

    2. …they would not clear it from the child’s record…

      What, exactly, is the result of derogatory information on a 7 year old’s school record?

  45. What the fuck is a “highly qualified” teacher? Because we’re pretty sure that a watered down college degree from a diploma factory and 5 weeks training afterwards isn’t it.

    1. Teaching requires talent and a good knowledge of the subject being taught.

      All the fucking teaching classes in the world cant make up for a lack of that.

      I have known a number of talented teachers. Every single one left the public system and either teach in private schools or have chosen another line of work.

      1. Yeah, I am currently about to go back to school to become a teacher. I want to do High School social studies. Now, I’m coming into this with a history/poli sci major and am also going to take some extra history and econ. classes at the local community college to round out my knowledge. If I get into a program and meet someone whose undergrad is education and they want to teach past the 5th grade level, I have no idea how I will resist the urge to point out how unqualified they are.

        1. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. YOU POOR STUPID IDIOT.

        2. Warty is 100% correct. DO NOT DO IT.

          A libertarian teaching HS social studies will last about a week and end up fired, in jail, or both.

          Seriously, dont do it.

          1. Thirded. Plus, it’s soul crushing to have to constantly brush off the eager early bloomers.

          2. Unless the girls are hot and willing.

            1. Unless the girls are hot and willing.

              That’s why it’s soul crushing.

          3. Look, I know all of the reasons not to do it, but it’s what I’m passionate about. Don’t worry, I won’t go too off the reservation. I may highlight Japanese internment and what a dick that makes FDR more than most, though…

            Seriously, one thing I have noticed around here is how many people mention a good history teacher/one willing to buck the usual narrative as a big factor in influencing their life. And I, who love history, had some GREAT history teachers that made me so passionate about it.

            So, while the pay will suck, and the curriculum will suck until I can find a charter or private school(I mean, I have no problems teaching SOME of the reheated Howard Zinn at least I got for a lot of stuff before high school, but I would like to point out that there are other views. And that the Civil War was only kinda-sorta about slavery), I actually would like to do it. Shape young minds, contribute to society and the next generation and all that bullshit.

            1. I mean, I would love to ultimately end up at a prep school/boarding school somewhere in the middle of nowhere New Hampshire or Montana, but that’s going to take a good amount of shit eating and hard work. Oh, and pissing on the union (Or going all Manchurian Candidate and rising to lead it)

            2. I taught US history as a substitute for 6 months (their teacher had surgery an complications) in Junior High. Always taught 2 lessons. What was in the book, and what happened as best as we actually know it. But if I had gotten much farther than 1800, they would have ended up tarring and feathering me.

              One parent took a rather large offense to me teaching that pirates won us the revolutionary war. I can only imagine what would have happened if we gotten up to the 16th amendment.

              1. Coeus, it is thinking about stuff like that that makes me a fuckload more sympathetic to tenure. I went through public schools, so I know it is a terrible idea that should die, but I do worry about nutso parents with an axe to grind. I know first hand that it is abused, but I also have met enough people to know that they are nuts, and they are especially nuts when it comes to their progeny.

                1. Tenure is there to protect you when you abuse and molest the kids, not when you deviate from the approved syllabus. That’ll get your ass fired in a heartbeat.

            3. I had a pretty good history teacher. I still have no idea what his politics were, because he made it a point of principle that he should be able to argue either side of an issue well.

        3. Don’t do it. For the good of your soul, get a job, like, slaughtering puppies instead.

          1. Well, there’s always the nun option.

        4. Fortunately (?), I think most people who actually do education for undergrad are too into BABIEZ AND CHILDREN to want to teach past the fifth grade level.

        5. My stepbrother double majored in history and education.

          Right out of college he was hired by the Postal Service and has been delivering mail ever since.

          1. The fool! His pension is even more unerfunded than the one of wherever hires me!*

            *Seriously, that is the only reason I am doing a masters and not a cert. program. It looks way better to have the credential when you apply to private schools, apparently. Thanks, credentialism!

            1. Keep us informed as to how it goes. I dont see it ending well though. My honest advice is not to do it.

              You sound like you have a half-way decent plan. I truly wish you luck.

              I was reading over some of the comments from he article Brett posted earlier. Holy shit. You should have a look yourself. Those are parents.
              My favorite is the guy that claims Hitler, Pol Pot, Stalin etc were only socialists in that they took what the rich didnt need.

              I admire your passion, but I dont think you know what kind of mind-numbing, soul-destroying willful ignorance you are up against. Or just how nasty things can get.

          2. Does it really take 2 college degrees to drive a truck with the seat and steering wheel on the wrong side and sling mail in to mailboxes?

            1. No, but I imagine that the Postal Service figures that anyone with 100k in debt to service will be desperate to stay employed and will do anything the job requires.

              Unlike someone without that debt who could tell the boss to take a fucking hike anytime he felt like it.

      2. Teaching requires talent and a good knowledge of the subject being taught.

        I don’t know. Probably so in advanced high school and college classes. Until then, as far as I can tell, it takes being one day ahead of the class in understanding the material.

    2. “Highly qualified teachers” are called professors.

      1. Having had my fair share of dealings with professors, I’d have to disagree.

        1. Not that most of them are any good as teachers, it’s just that they have a lot of letters after their names, which is what people who care about “qualifications” really care about.

          1. This is why they are “qualifications,” not “quantifications.”

  46. If I get into a program and meet someone whose undergrad is education and they want to teach past the 5th grade level, I have no idea how I will resist the urge to point out how unqualified they are.

    But where else are you going to learn that math is racist if you don’t get an education degree?

    1. we all know better than that

      1. We may know better, but it is impossible not to click on that, isnt it?

  47. Glenn Greenwald rightly calling out the media for carrying Obama’s water until they were the victims of Obama’s government.

    1. I like how many liberals (I’m thinking of Gawker specifically here) consider Greenwald to be “annoyingly liberal” because he isn’t a purely TEAM BLUE shill.

      1. Greenwald, while holding some awful positions on various policy issues, is one of the very few principled liberals I can think of. When it comes to civil liberties and issues like murder drones he has no time for partisan shillery.

        And watching liberals call him out for being too liberal is fucking hilarious.

        1. Yeah, I’ll give Greenwald props for that. Unfortunately his arguments often consist of just repeating the same thing over and over again, but he is very consistent and is no partisan hack.

      2. I think it would be more accurate to say that, unlike progressives, he is an actual liberal.

    2. I want to like Greenwald, but I can’t stand that he needs 22 paragraphs(plus two updates w/ 1000 words each to redefine his arguments) merely to state, “Fuck off, slaver”.

  48. Okay, serious question here: how does everybody get hyperlinked text, indented quotes, italics, you-name-it in the comments here. All I have it plain friggin text…?

    1. You have to join the secret society to get access to that stuff.

      1. Becoming a registered user is step one. Next, he must get a hat tip. Then it is time to get a hat tip with an adjective. Then he must get to ‘beloved’. Only then can he have access to things such as Sugarfreed links. EDIT BUTTON is something we are all still striving towards. Blink tags are a memory of when we flew too close to the sun.

      1. I didn’t realize it did the html for you. That might help convince me it is worth switching to Chrome for.

    2. HTML tags.

    3. Thx, had a feeling it’d be something I couldn’t do anything about–at least at work (stuck w/ IE), but maybe at the house.

    1. I clicked anyway.

    2. Better than lolcatz.

    3. Why does this child not have a monocle?

    1. I never understood the macho badass thing.


      1. Are you claiming that Indiana Jones isn’t a macho badass?

  49. Quintessential FL Story: Mark it zero, Dude.

    A Florida man entered a world of pain Tuesday when his gun accidentally discharged during an evening of bowling at Jupiter Lanes, WPTV reports.

  50. Never really thought about it liek that dude.


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