Zero Tolerance

Brickbat: Not the Sharpest Knives

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davidfntau / photo on flickr

Officials at Wamsutta Middle School in Massachusetts suspended Morgan LaPlaume for one day after they caught her with a butter knife. The girl was only using the knife to cut a pear, but officials say the school has a zero tolerance policy on knives.

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  1. I first read that as Wassumatta(witU) Middle School

    1. Too much Bullwinkle.

      1. No such thing as too much Bullwinkle.

        1. Have you ever cleaned up moose shit before?

          1. My sister was bitten by a m00se once.

  2. I love so much that schools have Zero Tolerance for considered action, reason and assessment of appopriateness.

    Fuck you, public school adminitards, and your “Zero Tolerance” for the use of whatever meager intelligence you possess.

    1. And for grooming children to follow bad rules mindlessly.

      1. This sort of thing is our dream come true and ought to be encouraged. No real damage to the girl, but she’ll remember how stupid, mindless, and arbitrary the agents of state power actually are.

        Every time a libertarian is made, an angel gets his wings.

        1. Or she’s beaten into submission too early to understand the difference. After all, unless her parents defend her like we would, she’ll probably become “one of them.”

      2. OBEY

  3. but officials say the school has a zero tolerance policy on knives.

    Then they should suspend all the kids who get a plastic knife out of the bin between the forks and the spoons.

  4. The school did the right thing. She should be learning to defeat her enemies with her bare hands, fangs etc, and not the effete coward’s weapon, the butter knife

    1. Of course, you live in a country that has feral venomous knives running around the countryside.

      1. at least we no longer face the menace of giant sporks. They are now extinct – wiped out by the barbed napkin

  5. In the future, if she ever goes through a government background check, she will have “Possession of a Dangerous Weapon on School Grounds” on her permanent record. Good luck ever getting a security clearance or a permit for a concealed weapon. You just branded yourself as untrustworthy in the eyes of government for the rest of your life.

  6. Girl’s lucky they didn’t call in a drone strike.

    1. only drones here are the school admins

  7. Reason #956482958721348754 to homeschool your kids.

    Reason #956482958721348755 is that your kid will learn which knife is supposed to be used for which purpose. Butter knives are for butter. A paring knife if for pealing fruit or other intricate work.

    1. I don’t think fruit should peal when yuo tap it.

    2. Reason #956482958721348755 is that your kid will learn which knife is supposed to be used for which purpose. Butter knives are for butter. A paring knife if for pealing fruit or other intricate work.

      Yeah, that will teach the stupid kid to work with the tools she’s been given. Never mind that a butter knife can actually serve the purpose.

      1. And a butter knife can be used as a screwdriver sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it is the best tool for the job.

        1. It is if it’s all you have. Come on, man.

  8. Doesn’t this sort of thing happen multiple times every day?
    For it to be newsworthy the school would have watched her cut the pear with the knife and not say or do a thing like there was nothing “wrong” or unusual about it.

  9. Morgan’s mother said her daughter needed to slice the fruit because she has braces and is unable to take bites out of whole fruit.

    The school allows BRACES?! What a pussified “zero-tolerance” policy!

  10. The only thing I have a Zero Tolerance Policy towards is. . . Zero Tolerance Policies.

    Zero Tolerance also means Zero Thought & Zero Sense – I cannot tolerate such mindlessness. . .

    1. No, but the unions probably love it. It’s right up their alley.

  11. OK wow, so who comes up with all that crazy stuff. Wow.

    http://www.Anon-ISP.tk

  12. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, school officials should be replaced with the rule book. Just prop that thing up behind the superintendent’s desk. Save districts an ass load of money on all that studied, case by case discretion they’re paying for but not getting.

  13. The next big thing in PC textbooks will be an expurgation of Cicero featuring The Spoon of Damocles

  14. Without these sorts of good policies, this sort of thing would once again become a regular occurrence in our classrooms:

    Step right up and taste a little of this daddy-o.

    This little girl was on a track to be Vic Morrow. Thank god she now has a chance…

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