A.M. Links: Connecticut Passes Gun Restrictions, Japan Doubles Money Supply, Climate Change Appears To Have Stopped

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  1. Concern is spreading among climate scientists over why the global warming they’ve been cautioning us about seems to have stopped almost twenty years ago.

    Concern that they can’t hide it.

    1. Hide the Concern!

      1. Hide the Coal behind the press baron-You lot have been Murdoched.

        1. Ah yes, an ad hom attack on a blog certainly outweighs an evenhanded article in The Economist.

    2. They can’t call it global warming, and if the temperatures are more or less static they can’t call it climate change either.

      1. expect the rebrand to climate crisis in five… four…

        1. UNEXPECTED Climate STASIS!

          1. Also, come on JD. Did you forget to make sacrifice to the sqwerls again? They’re eating 75% of my attempted posts.

            1. They’re not eating my posts.

              1. Its called “extreme” weather now.

                1. Meh, everything is called “extreme” now.

                  1. “Thunderstorm ‘Lois’ is lashing Atlantic City for the third straight hour ….”

                    1. Here in north Georgia, “Drizzlepocalypse Hortense” has been dampening the region for the last 16 hours. Millions are expected to survive.

        2. More like Climate Stasis.

          Or Climate Stagnation! We are suffocating Mother Gaia by keeping the climate the same!

            1. I didn’t have to resort to caps lock (or Fist Lock as I call it). Also, I have provided an even better alternative in mine.

              Though honestly, I wish I’d have gone with CLIMAGNATION.

              1. you have to sing the CLIMAGINATION LAND SONG…

              2. No, no, my real genius (other than looking like 1980s Val Kilmer) is in the use of “Unexpected.”

                1. Reads Cracked, must we…

                  1. I don’t get it.

          1. CLIMAGEDDON!

            The world is ending because every thing’s (except the economy, foreign policy, civil liberties, etc.) doing OK. I blame Bush.

        3. Climate Stalemate?

      2. Unevenly Distributed Microclimate Change. I’ll need a $5B grant to come up with how the statists can revise their agenda using my term.

        1. As long as you never put the word WEATHER in any of your reports, I think $5B is underselling the potential here.

          And what do you mean ‘revise’? I think you mean ‘continue’.

          1. I’ve made a living as a consultant for a decade now. If you don’t change their plans and schedules in the name of “being realistic”, they feel like they aren’t getting their money’s worth. So we’ll do the same thing, but with a $10B “rebranding campaign” run by several organizations giving me kickbacks, then get back to the agenda.

            Honestly, its a good thing that most people are incompetent, because I could probably pull this off.

        2. I think you mean Maldistributed Microclimate Change (MMC)

    3. You watch. Everyone will be talking about climate stasis and the temperatures will start going up again and then here come the carbon taxes, etc.

    4. The reaction was pretty much what I expected when I posted this article on FB.

      AFAIK, The Global Warming/Climate Change hysteria began as a result of Michael E. Mann’s report to the IPCC in 2001 based on his research published in 1998, yet we allowed his work to create a paradigm shift with little resistance. The “science was settled.” A few data points of warming in the 90s is cause for proposing sweeping economic regulations on a global scale, but now that the data is proving to be unreliable at best, if not downright incorrect, the official line is “well, let’s not be haste and draw too much from these findings just yet.”

      It’s nice to see skepticism and restraint return to the scientific realm, but where the fuck were these people 10 years ago? (rhetorical)

  2. Colorado’s Westword alternative weekly may employ America’s first (legal) marijuana critic.

    His columns will seldom be on time.

    1. I give it 5 Golden Bongs. Would smoke again.

    2. and they’ll be incredibly long and multicoloured. Damn his crunchy groove

      1. Actually it’d be pretty good if they did it like a restaurant critic, and he like bagged on EVERY thing he tried.

        “Despite the retro decor, competent, but passionless service, and sparse furniture, Knee Deep in Bud provides only passable fare. Groin-grabbingly bad? Nay, but utterly forgettable. On the plus side, parking was free and access from the 237 was easy.”

        1. or like a wine critic.

          “Hints of apple, cinnamon, kopi luwak, jasmine, burnt rubber, bubblegum, artichoke, yak vomit etc etc”

          1. As long as the guy has better taste than Robert Parker.

            1. How could he not?

    3. Straight people don’t know,
      what you’re about.
      They put you down
      and shut you out.
      You gave to me
      a new belief.
      And soon the world
      will love you sweet leaf!
      oh yeah baby

      1. Nothing like a little Sabbath first thing in the morning.

    4. Bylined “M.J. Chronic for the Colorado Westword”.

  3. NYPD Officer led armed robberies against drug dealers

    A corrupt NYPD officer? This is my surprised face: o_o

    1. Being a cop really is a license to steal.

      1. What I was saying the other day, except with murder. You can get a license from the government to do anything.

    2. If drug dealing wasn’t a black market, the dealers would have been able to go to the cops.

  4. Concern is spreading among climate scientists over why the global warming they’ve been cautioning us about seems to have stopped almost twenty years ago.

    Michael Mann was graphing predicted frustration levels!

  5. …in an ongoing effort to get the country reduced to a parking lot that glows ever so softly at night.

    Then at least North Korea will, like the free world, finally emit light at night.

    1. Hey, plenty of parking is usually good for business, amiright?

  6. NORK’s Twitter and Flickr accounts have been hacked

    Take that NORKS! Now you are powerless! Mwahahaha!

    1. North Korea even had Twitter and Flickr accounts?

      I would have thought they’d still be using Myspace and Prodigy.

      1. I’d have thought they’d have developed their own social networking system that only worked on their knock offs of TRS-80s and Colecovisions.

      2. no… Angelfire and AOL 2.0

        1. compuserve?

        2. Well they probably were psyched to be getting all those free CD’s in their magazines.

          1. They’re called clips, jackass.

  7. one for the twitterati:

    ECONOMIST HULK ?@ECONOMISTHULK
    @ObsoleteDogma @binarybits IF HULK ASKED TO DESIGN MONETARY POLICY RULE TO SMASH ECONOMY, BITCOIN GENERATION ALGORITHM GOOD START

    1. Surprised the rest of the EconomistAvengers didn’t chime in.

  8. Thank you, Reasonoids, for your courage through the dark years. I can’t help you with what you must soon face, except to tell you that the future is not set. You must be stronger than you imagine you can be. You must survive, or I will never exist.

    It’s Troll Free Thursday!

    So whenever you’re thinking of responding to one, think instead of the delicious salty ham tears that they’ll be crying when you DON’T respond!

    Delicious. Salty. Ham. Tears.

    1. You are clearly a Bushpig.

    2. Nobody else respond to the troll as I’ve just done.

      1. Fist is a troll? That explains a lot.

    3. You already used up the next weeks’ worth of Troll Free Thursdays this week.

      1. Every day is Troll Free Thursday!

  9. Sheriff known for ‘Operation Zero Tolerance’ is gunned down in parking lot. Between this and those murdered prosecutors, maybe there is hope yet.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..d-car.html

    1. Please please please tell me it’s Joe Arpaio.

      [hovers over link]

      Darn, it’s only West Virginia.

          1. Yeah, that must have come up within the last few days on my work mix or I wouldn’t have remembered the name.

            1. My favorite album of all time. Only two songs on it I skip.

    2. Mexico is coming to America.

      1. They’d better bring beer.

        1. Tequila and tacos.

        2. Negra Modelo or go home, Mexicans.

        3. “I don’t always have deadly drug gangs over, but when I do, I prefer Los Sinaloas.”

      2. why don’t we just annex Mexico?

        1. Because “The Annexation of Puerto Rico” is the winning play.

  10. Man faces jail time for shooting a dog. Obviously he’s not a cop.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-time.html

  11. …guarantee to criminalize, overnight, large numbers of state residents.

    Better than Viagra for prosecutors.

      1. God O’Malley is a piece of shit.

        1. The man is a master of talking without saying *anything*.

          Wait until he runs for President.

          1. The progtards are going to love him. The question is who will they love more, O’Malley or his retarded twin in New York?

            1. Which retarded twin in NY?

                1. Yeah, I don’t think Bloomberg is retarded. Just evil.

                2. Cuomo-O’Malley 2016

                3. Please, please, please let Cuomo get the nom I need to see ol’ Drunk Aunt Sandy (Lee) on the national political stage!

          2. I’d always assumed that O’Malley had way too much baggage for a presidential run being that he cut his teeth in local Baltimore politics. Almost by definition, there has to be a lot of dirt.

            Then Obama happened, so I guess I was wrong.

  12. Online sleuths identify mugger caught on camera. Good thing, because it’s not like the cops were going to do any investigating. They only care about victimless crime.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..etter.html

    1. As if the gangsta hand-signals and the punch-face weren’t already a dead giveaway that this POS needs to be removed from society.

  13. Happy Megalesia everyone!

    1. Aren’t you about two weeks early?

  14. A particle detector on the International Space Station may have finally detected dark matter. Either that, or it woke one of the old gods. Pretty momentous, either way.

    It’s Dave, and he’s merely come to forgive HAL…and turn Jupiter into a small sun. And yes, Jupiter is one of the old gods.

    1. Uranus begs to differ.

    2. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu Jupiter wgah’nagl fhtagn?

      1. Good one, Col. That is not dead…

    3. Why is it never the New Gods? Metron and Darkseid want their coverage too!

      1. Because we are Northmen.

  15. As cops cuff a man after tackling him in such a way as to slam his head into a concrete barrier, children are heard saying “Best Easter ever.” Scratch that previous comment about there being hope.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..state.html

  16. Mystery of naked couple dashing through streets with a blow-up sex doll baffles Beijing

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-doll.html

    1. This is news? Doesn’t everybody dash naked through the streets with blow-up sex dolls?

      1. Traffic cops here don’t even blink anymore.

        1. You mean their eyes are constantly open? That’s frightening. 🙂

          1. They must be ever vigilant in the never-ending war against moving violations.

    2. Maybe they were excited.

    3. The surprising part is that it’s not Tokyo.

      1. No freaking joke!

        One time after I got home to my apartment on the east end of Tokyo, as I was closing the drapes I noticed a couple on the park bench below in vigorous oral copulation. People walking by didn’t even seem to notice or care.

  17. Cops bust tanker truck with almost four tons of marijuana.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-stop.html

    1. Street value of an estimated 2.1 trillion dollars.

      1. It seems like they have gotten a lot more realistic with the price estimates lately. The article says $3.4 million which comes out to $435/pound.

        1. Yeah, but that’s before they cut it with baby laxative.

          1. PEG is actually used in many medical applications besides just baby laxative and is far safer to snort (or shoot) than most other easily obtainable substances.

            I know this has nothing to do with pot, but I’ve been waiting for this to come around since I had to do a simulation of the PEG process for work.

        2. $435 a pound? Jesus, that must be some nasty schwag. Surprised they admitted it, though.

          1. After being shipped in a tanker it probably smells like gasoline. I bet it burns really quick.

          2. 16oz/lb = $27/oz

            That must be wholesale. What are franchise termination laws like for pot franchisors in TX?

  18. ‘Nice going, boyfriend’: Woman hit in FACE by home run ball after the man she’s with jumps out of the way

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..s-way.html

    Duck!

    1. I hate the phrase, but god damn it. He just lost his man card.

      Myriad things define what being a man is, and it’s up to each individual to determine their own standards. The only constant is if a baseball is heading your way, don’t dive away in fear to let your girlfriend be hit. Just don’t.

      1. If he thought about it, sure. I could see it being a pretty quick reflexive action.

        I hope she at least got to keep the ball.

    2. That’s nothing.

      That teen hiker in CA appears to have survived by leaving his girlfriend behind.

      1. Winning strategy. Worked for Teddy Kennedy.

      2. He he didn’t have to be faster than the Mountain Lion, just faster than his girlfriend

        1. This probably explains more, evolution-wise, than the need to perpetuate the species.

    3. Once when I was ~12 I was at a Sox game with a cousin and our uncle scalped us some tickets near the infield while he went out to the bleachers. I turned to say something to my cousin and then I got hit in the chest with a foul ball and it landed in my lap. That was a pretty good day.

      1. Sweet. I hope you still have the ball.

        1. I gave it to my dad.

          1. Dude. Total respect. Next time I’m at Fenwway I’ll lift a glass of $8.00 $5.50 beer to you.

            1. That’s only good through April, and only for a 12 oz.

              1. I hate Warner and Lucchino.

              2. The economy sucks in Boston right now. And we are now going on the third straight year of Boston putting out but a lousy and intensely dislikable team. I bet by June a lot of good seats will still be available at Fenway.

                1. This time actually seems a lot more likeable than the past couple of years, though also less talented.

                  The expectation is that the ‘sellout’ streak will end this month. I didn’t buy any tickets this year because I expect I’ll be able to get them below face value when I want to go.

                  1. I guess they can only go up from the fried chicken and beer brigade. The best thing about the last three years, from a non Boston fan perspective, is that it turned out Happy Scrappy Hero Pup Pedroia was actually one of the worst shit birds in the locker room and one of the driving forces that undermined Francona, a guy even Boston haters had to respect. The thought of all the Red Sox fans tearfully throwing away their scrappy Pedroia PJs and jerseys is really funny.

                    1. Pedoria undermined Valentine, but no really seems to care about that because no one liked Valentine.

                    2. Yeah John, I’m sure you’d hate having Pedey in your beloved, precious pinstripes.

                    3. John is a Yankees fan?

                      So many things just became clear to me.

                    4. Over Robinson Cano? I think not. I wouldn’t have Pedroia on the Yankees for anything, noxious little fuck. Now Jacoby Ellsbury on the other hand. And word is Pedroia hates Ellsbury and and Ellsbury is probably is going to leave in free agency because of it. Fuck Pedroia. And I say this as someone who is not afraid to like Boston players when they are likable. Ellsbury is freaking awesome. You can have the annoying midget.

                    5. I liked Bobby V in his coaching days with the Chiba Lotte Marines in Japan.

    4. It was nice of Ilya Bryzgalov to take his girlfriend out to a game and show support for other sports.

    5. Hah! Talk about coincidences. A friend of mine told me about this incident literally seconds before I got to this comment.

      He was at that game and seated nearby when it happened, though I can’t find him in the picture.

  19. What can go 155mph and travel a whole 190 miles on one charge? A $135,000 electric car!
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sci…..harge.html

    1. Sports cars seem like the right place for electrics now. From what I gather, you get pretty amazing low speed torque and acceleration. Still not a replacement for an IC engine, but I’m sure it’s a fun toy.

      1. Sportscars are the *worst* place for electrics – supercars maybe, but who the hell else wants a car that you can only drive for an hour?

        Cause I bet that 190 mile range isn’t at 155 mph.

        Actually, fuck that – I had a BMW 3 series that could do 155, and had a *400* mile cruising range.

    2. What can go 160 mph and 300 miles on a tank of gas?

      My 2009 Cobalt SS that I got Obama Bucks for (Cost me 18K, cost everyone 3.5K; ‘Cash for Clunkers’)

    3. Thought this would be a cop link. Very disappointed.

  20. Judge rules that mathematical algorithms cannot be patented

    What is a computer program but a complex mathematical algorithm?

    1. That’s because mathematics is like territory — just waiting to be discovered.

      1. This might also apply to music or literature…there is no invention, only discoveries of possibilities that already existed.

        1. Exactly. Everybody knows those musical geniuses just write down what they pluck from the ether.

          1. I have heard several musical geniuses describe the process as exactly that.

            1. Artists, too. I think that mystical horseshit is supposed to make them sound humble, or something. I think it just make them sound like idiots.

              1. I don’t think so at all. And I think some of them mean it. Where does a melody come from? Apparently it kind of floats into their heads.

                It is not like there isn’t a 2000+ year old tradition of thinking that perhaps things exist before we think of them.

                1. I hear music all the time. Unfortunately, I don’t have perfect pitch, so transcribing it (with relative pitch) is hit or miss, and it’s easy to get halfway through and then forget where you were going. It’s also too easy to rely on what you already know; truly unique melodies get lost because you follow familiar patterns.

                  On the plus side, when you have a song stuck in your head, you can just make up something. Because of the active part you play, it’s easier to get the noxious song out of your head. And, of course, sometimes you create something really cool.

              2. To address Rhywun’s point, sometimes the music really comes unbidden. I remember when I was 16, I smoked a little weed, and had to ride along for something. All during the trip, I heard classical music – a symphony. It was unique, and very memorable, since I can remember pieces of it to this day. If I had perfect pitch, I could have transcribed it.

                For me, the process is also partially under my control. I can start it, although whether the music will be great, or average, or suck seems out of my hands (and thoughts).

          2. which is why copyright makes sense to me in these cases rather than patents…at least the way it used to work before you could own the copyright for an eternity.

            1. No; copyrights were limited. Disney is trying to make them eternal, however, to keep Steambot Willie from ever entering the public domain.

              1. Oh dear; there’s a typo. Although some people might like a steambot.

                1. Is it like a Cleveland Steamer?

                2. That would actually make a great cartoon. I’ve actually thought of some really fun transgressive storylines with Mickey and Crew, but it would get the shit sued out of me by Disney.

                  Which is even funnier considering how much stuff Disney has ripped off from the Japanese.

              2. No; copyrights were limited.
                hmm. I am confuse. I thought the changes in the last 30 years significantly extended protections (e.g., 76 and 98). chart

                And, yes, I would like a steambot 🙂

                1. What I meant by “copyrights were limited” is that they’ve always been limited, although that’s been extended greatly (the Disney reference). I didn’t mean that Congress took longer copyright terms and put limits on them.

                  Sorry for the confusion.

        2. you could say that about works of art. Even Michaelangelo (not the ninja turtle) said that the statue was already inside the stone. He just removed the extra pieces.

          1. Yep. I’m too lazy to Google it, but IIRC soem famous painter said he just brushed away the blank canvas to reveal the image.

            1. Turns out there was a stick figure on the canvas I brushed away.

            2. Yeah, in the same way Usain Bolt would tell you he just runs as fast as he can.

    2. This might have serious implications for my company, since all our products are based on mathematical software…. But the article is so vague on what was being copied that who knows?

    3. You can’t get a patent for an algorithm to compute pi. Be you can still get a patent for a method to automatically control an industrial process where the method is embodied in a computer program.

    4. A federal judge has thrown out a patent claim against Rackspace, ruling that mathematical algorithms can’t be patented. The ruling in the Eastern Disrict stemmed from a 2012 complaint filed by Uniloc USA asserting that processing of floating point numbers by the Linux operating system was a patent violation.

      Looks right to me.

      1. That is so vague it could really mean basically anything.

      2. Uniloc is a bunch of fucking slimy patent trolls.

      3. If I am understanding this correctly, you can’t patent an algorithm that does the quadratic formula for you, which seems pretty reasonable.

      4. Wow, that tops Apple’s (apparently successful) patent trolling over regular expressions.

      5. Holy crud. I’m seriously glad patent trolls last for once.

        1. lost

    5. Not just that.

      Any statement can be reduced to a mathematical algorithm.

      And this is a good thing, that is what copyright* is for.

      *yeah, yeah, I oppose it to.

  21. Granny pants! Pron 4 John!
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem…..-them.html

    1. If this catches on, I’m nuking everything.

    2. so that’s what happened to Petronella Wyatt, famous for getting knocked up by Boris Johnson (who first denied the affair by saying reports of it were “an inverted pyramid of piffle”)

      Which is as good a reason as any to link to his greatest quotes

  22. Connecticut lawmakers passed a grab-bag of stupid and intrusive gun restrictions that wouldn’t have prevented the Newtown shooting and guarantee to criminalize, overnight, large numbers of state residents

    WTF Tuccille? Tulpa assured all of us two days ago that idiotic restrictions such as these mightmaybepossibleycouldhave prevented Newtown not too mention all criminal activity by mentally unstable people. Do your research next time, would you please?

  23. Naked man braves flooded river and crocodiles to win some bourbon

    more

    1. Keith Parry, 20, was killed while swimming across the Daly River in April 2009. He was crossing the river because he wanted more beer.

      I see a theme here…

    2. Apparently this is what Aussies do after drinking too much Foster’s.

    3. What’s the Aussie equivalent of “Hey, y’all! Watch this”?

      Also known as the death call of the American Redneck.

      1. I don’t think they have one. It’s just a field that’s omnipresent, like the Higgs.

      2. Remember that planet where the space hippies landed their stolen shuttlecraft, where everything was filled with acid and/or poisonous? That was Earth. Specifically? Australia.

    4. The comments are eye-openingly classic. Basically people from Southern Australia calling the guy a moron, and locals from Northern Australia calling them a bunch of pussies.

      http://tools.ntnews.com.au/you…..email;_me=

      Examples:
      Hey, if this bloke wants to do this, so what ? Its up to him, he’s not making a danger for anyone else or creating an OH+S hazard for the crocs. If the southerners don’t like it, they can: (a) stay down south, and (b) keep on playing Xbox while wearing 2 woolly jumpers.

      Get out of your cotton wool wrapped lives and live a bit , the majority of people here must have some great stories for their grand kids. tell the kids how they used to read about people in the paper having fun, yeh great story

  24. http://www.breitbart.com/Big-G…..-Confirmed

    Aryan brotherhood now connected to Mexican gangs. If there is one area in pretty much all of the world that is a multicultural success, it is organized crime.

    1. Even bigots agree that green is a good.

      1. In the late 90s I spent some time in Kosovo. And the one area where the Albanians and Serbs would work together was in organized crime. Same with the Shia and Suni in Iraq. Gangsters are always willing to go where the money is.

        1. When you are prepared to make moral compromises for power and wealth, you surely must be able to compromise your bigotry.

        2. Ironically, it can be a stabilizing force: war is bad for business and the mob leaned on a lot of local warlords.

  25. http://minx.cc/?post=338854

    How horrible it must be to be a man hating straight woman. It is bad enough to engage in any sort of collective hate. But at least if you are a racist or an anti-Semite, you can avoid the group you hate. But if you are a straight woman misandrist, you still someday would like to marry or at least cohabitate with the very people you hate. Being Marcotte, who as far as I know is straight, would be like being a KKK member who could only marry a black woman. If you were not crazy to begin with, that would make you crazy.

    1. There are plenty of self-hating guilt-ridden men out there as potential mates. She can find one who agrees with her completely.

      1. Yeah, that is a basis for a healthy relationship.

        1. Probably as healthy as Marcotte can hope for.

          1. I’m sure he’ll change his last name to hers too.

            1. speaking of changing last names.

              I’m not big on that tradition anyway. If the woman did not want to change her last name or wanted to hyphenate the last name, I would be fine. It does not bother me. I refuse to change my last name to hers, though. But I would compromise, we’ll both find a new last name to adopt that neither of us currently. I don’t care much for mine anyway.

              1. Just don’t give your kids some crazy mile-long hyphenated name like Spanish nobility – as my in-laws did.

                1. And there is now a problem when people with hyphenated names marry other people with hyphenated names.

                  When Max Eastman married Ida Rauh in 1911, she did not take his last name. The New York Times sent a reporter to report on the oddity of a married couple with two names on the doorbell of their apartment.

  26. Jeremy Irons? Who knew?

    JEREMY IRONS: I’m a complete libertarian. I think it’s very, very dangerous. I really mean that. I think the smoking ban is a tip of an iceberg of society — the leaders of society telling us how to be. I think it’s not their business. I think it is their business to tell us to care for and respect each other and each others happiness and each others health, and we are responsible enough to do that.

    1. Great actor too. Sadly, this means he will never get another part.

      1. Dungeons & Dragons

        1. They didn’t even let him be in the sequels.

      2. I don’t know about that great actor part, I saw Dead Ringers

        1. He was great in that movie. Not his fault it was one of the most deeply strange scripts ever put to film. And that does give him the distinction of staring in the worst date movie of all time.

          1. I took a date to that. You’re right.

            1. I would make fun of you, but I can understand how that happened. The previews did not make it clear that the movie was about a pair of sadistic gynecologists. I would imagine you are not the only guy who thought he was taking his date to a typical art film.

              1. That relationship never caught fire.

                1. You might have been in worse trouble if it actually had…

                  1. She went on to enlist in the Army, got pregnant in basic by a Drill Instructor, took a general discharge, and moved in with his family in the hills of North Carolina to raise it.

                    I know this because she sent me a letter listing her woes. I was 23 and single and I told her good luck. No way was I signing up to raise another man’s kid.

                    1. she had woes? She was in an earthly paradise, according to George Jones:

                      Well in North Carolina way back in the hills
                      Lived my ol’ pappy and he had him a still
                      He brewed white lightning till the sun went down
                      Then he’d fill him a jug and he’d pass it around
                      Mighty mighty pleasing pappy’s corn squeezing
                      Shhhhhhh “WHITE LIGHTNING”

          2. I think Todd Solondz’s “Happiness” takes that cake.

    2. Nope. It is not their business to tell us to care for and respect each other.

      NEXT

      1. Care and respect is doublespeak for spy on and rat out.

      2. “I think it’s not their business. I think it is their business to tell us to care for and respect each other and each others happiness and each others health, and we are responsible enough to do that.”

        He’s clearly saying it’s not anyone’s business.

      3. It’s their business to say whatever they want to.

    3. I’ve always liked his work. Now I can like at least some of his politics.

  27. Somebody affected by the sequester has a sad.

    Tradition says that after the last note of the country’s national anthem, a military flyover of some sort should put the final exclamation point on the last note of “?brave!!!” But this year, thanks to the military’s decision to ground all military ceremonial “flyovers,” millions of Americans were left without a critical opportunity to not only showcase our military might, but perhaps the first opportunity to see the military in action and think of a future of service in it.

    1. Oh for the love of God.

      1. Good thing Merliners can still shout “O” *for free*.

    2. A slight backing off on the fascist traditions started by man-crushing-on-Mussolini FDR? Quelle horreur!

      1. *rolls eyes* How about a middle ground? Fighter jets are pretty fucking cool, and flyovers are pretty fucking awesome, but at the end of the day are wasteful at a time of insane debt.

        I mean, yeah it’s fascistic, but so is promoting physical fitness in the schools.

        1. I’m not interested in ‘middle’ ground. Martial shit like parading the colors and singing patriotic songs before sporting events is not compatible with living in a free republic.

          1. Martial shit like parading the colors and singing patriotic songs before sporting events is not compatible with living in a free republic.

            So by your standards, since the US has been doing that sort of thing since day one, it has never been a free Republic? Ever?

            Hyperbole much?

            1. Really? What sporting events?

              1. Pretty much every one since they started having them in the late 19th Century. And there has always been patriotic parades ever since Revolutionary war veterans decided to have a march every once in a while and they made the 4th of July a holiday. So what exactly is so sacrosanct about sporting events anyway?

                1. Pretty much every one since they started having them in the late 19th Century.

                  So, not actually since day one.

                  And there has always been patriotic parades ever since Revolutionary war veterans decided to have a march every once in a while and they made the 4th of July a holiday.

                  Not relevant to tarran’s point.

                  So what exactly is so sacrosanct about sporting events anyway?

                  Beats me, ask tarran.

                2. Nope. It really started in baseball in WW-1 and then spread to other sports in World War II.

                  And yes, it’s no accident that the same changes in attitudes that led people to accept such a barbaric custom as military displays at sporting events also led them to accept an utterly massive power grab by the nation state.

                  In my opinion, if you aren’t filled with disgust at the spectacle, deep down, you really don’t want to be free.

                  And yes, I don’t have to watch them, and I don’t – not because of the spectacle, but because the idea of wasting hundreds of dollars to sit in a noisy crowd peering from a distance at other people exercising strikes me as a huge waste of money.

                  1. I’m pissed that God Bless America seems to now be SOP during 7th inning stretch. I already had to sit through the damn National Anthem circle jerk at the beginning of the game …. that should be enough.

                3. The 4th of July was not really widely celebrated until people saw some kind of mysticism about it when both Jefferson and Adams both died on July 4, 1826 ? exactly 50 years after the signing of the DoI.

                  As a veteran myself I don’t like to see a lot of flag waving and patriotic fervor. Patriotism for me is a deep and personal thing and has more to do with maintaining freedom than waving a red, white, and blue war-boner at the world.

            2. Maybe not day 1, but we have been doing it for quite a while. However, it’s a Wilsonian tradition and as such should be scorned.

              http://espn.go.com/espn/story/…..n-magazine

          2. Oh, bullshit. Hell, you aren’t even compelled to attend or watch.

    3. At this point on other websites I’d be telling people that I’d get rid of the national anthem at sporting events entirely.

    4. Holy shit, that is pathetic.

    5. Well maybe we can have a grand May Day parade with tanks and missiles rolling down DC streets while the President and top military leaders observe from on high…it should create enough B-roll to play on the jumbo trons for years. Either that or they could just make all stadiums domed…then there would be nothing to miss.

    6. I go to ~9 NFL games a year and the flyover pisses me off every time.

      1. I have to admit being wowed by it (with seats in the upper deck it helps). It usually takes a minute or two for the nausea at the complete waste of taxpayer money to set in.

        1. The only time I had a passing feeling like that was during the Veterens Day game last year.

      2. I’ve been to one NFL game in my life and was completely shocked at what a massive Americafest it actually was. I knew they were into America, but it was a lot worse than I was expecting.

      3. I find the most important thing about the ” final exclamation point on the last note of “?brave!!!” is to shout CHIEFS!, espescially at someone else’s home stadium. (The Chiefs vs. Rams games are really delicious, because there are more Chiefs fans than Lambs fans.)

    7. Hmm, I wonder how this is gonna affect the Thunder over Louisville ceremonies?

      1. I havent heard anything. The fireworks will still go on. As will the private planes.

        1. Yeah I was just looking it up, apparently everything else will go on and they have signed up more private airshow teams but no military flyovers and it looks like the airshow will be a lot shorter than it usually is.

          Which is no big loss for me since I don’t live in Louisville anymore

          1. I was never a fan of the airshow anyway.

            The few years the stealth bomber flew over was cool though.

    8. Tell me more about how you’re concerned with the opportunity to see the military in action and think of a future of service in it…

      1. Yeah, they could have watched me as an enlisted guy digging a fighting position in the red clay of Georgia in July to see the glamour of the service and flock to the colors.

        Bah.

        Waste of $ and manhours. Tell the Air Force to buy better commercials.

        1. Yeah, they always hide the pictures of the guys serviceing latrines. Nobody wants to hear my heroic stories of my early days in the navy cleaning the head from top to bottom and then bottom to top and then back to the bottom again for 12 hours a day.

          Fuck was I glad to be put on the watchbill.

    9. Could we get a formation of armed drones to circle the stadiums?

      1. I presume that’s already part of the Executive’s plan.

        1. We already have them, but STEALTH…

          so don’t tell anyone.

    10. I wondered why we had vintage warbirds at the Braves game on Monday. I think last year we had T-38 Talons.

    11. Yeah, because kids never get exposed to the military via ROTC and recruiters and job fairs.

      Cry me a fricken river.

  28. If you’ve ever wanted to see police tazer an 8-months pregnant woman because she got upset about how they were handling the automobile accident she reported, well now’s your chance.

    Bonus points for the police spokesman that said they tazer preggos for the safety of the baby, because they don’t want the women to fall while being taken down.

    1. In fairness to the spokesman, look at the options and look at who we are dealing with here? He actually told the truth which is that the cops are such fucking animals that we are better off having them taz people than their normal method of beating the shit out of them.

      1. But then she’d get a free abortion too! Everyone’s a winner.

  29. Serious question: What will happen when NK nukes an uninhabited island for show?

    1. We nuke it 5 times.

      1. We nuke an inhabited island, just to one up them. I think maybe Japan again. Its close, they’re used to dealing with fallout, and they could use an economic stimulus.

      2. But … Godzilla!

        Better nuke the moon five times.

      3. “He sends one of your islands to the hospital, you send one of his to the bottom of the ocean.”

    2. We laugh mightily at their saber rattling. And also at the fact that they just wasted their one nuke. Or something.

      1. This. Let them disarm themselves.

      2. I doubt they even have the capability to nuke an island.

        1. Sure they do. What they lack is the capability to deliver the nuke via missile.

          1. A couple of guys are gonna row the boat out there, then throw it down in the middle of the island and press the button.

          2. NO, they can deliver it via missile, they even have one that can almost reach the west coast.

            Of course *hitting* what they aim the missile at is well beyond their capability.

    3. The chinese invade NK and take out the Un

    4. The world applauds because nukes are expensive, and that’s one less nuke they have.

      1. BUT NUCLYEAR WINTERZ!

        /Carl Sagan’s Ghost

  30. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..ghton.html

    Just for you sarcasmic.

    1. As Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear said “She looks like a bobblehead… but it works!”

      1. So does Emma Watson these days. Both of them are so tiny, their heads look a bit big for their body. But they both still work.

  31. Subway fare in New York City is $2.50. The penalty for allegedly not paying it because you used a service entrance so you could more easily push a stroller and three children through it is for you, your husband and your three small children to get pepper-sprayed directly in the face, inducing fits of vomiting in the 2-year old as well of PTSD for the two- and four-year old.

    I repeat: $2.50

    1. If I only have one small child will they pepper spray her 3 times?

    2. But giving the meter maids back the respect that was taken from them? Priceless, sloop.

    3. I thought you were supposed to use the service entrances if you have a stroller.

    4. Hmmm, psychotic cops vs. people who think rules don’t apply to them because they have children. I’m not sure which side I want to lose more.

      1. Well seeing as th turnstiles aren’t designed for strollers to pass through them and service entrances are, I’d hope the sides are pretty easy to choose.

        Should the woman and her brood have gotten the attention of a transit officer before using the service entrance? Perhaps. But the pepper-spraying an entire family without first discerning what was or may have been happening is an inordinate use of force for a situation where one wasn’t warranted at all, as it is not a criminal offense.

        1. So society has an obligation to design everything so strollers can pass through them, and if they don’t you’re now free to do whatever they hell you feel like? That’s exactly the sort of entitled attitude that pisses me off about so many parents. The entire world does not revolve around you and your precious snowflakes.

          And yeah, what the cop did was unexcusable, but people like the mom really annoy me.

    5. Not that the story is unbelievable, but… I would withhold judgement until someone is actually found guilty (or given a promotion, as the case may be). Until then, it could just as well be another scam to rip off the taxpayers for millions of dollars.

  32. Seeeekwester! What can’t it do?
    Due to Medicare price fixing and structural inflexibility, a third of Medicare cancer patients are thrown under the bus when you make a 2% cut in care payments.
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..sequester/

    We are all going to die!

    1. There is only so much money and there are important things to spend the money on like abortions and birth control.

  33. Model police officer in Ohio given reduced penalties and sentence for drunk driving. He also has quite the colorful past.

    But unions are only there to protect the good cops, right?

  34. DEA upset ‘caue they can’t break Apple’s iMessage encryption

    Aww… poor widdle guys. Can’t viowate the wights of Amewicans.

    1. For the first time in almost 30 years, I’m considering an Apple product.

      1. They’re trying to crack the Apple one.

        Go with the ones they’re not even attempting to crack (and are more personalizeable and secure).

    2. “Nice widdle, uh, little, encryption technique you got there. Be a shame ….”

    3. This “leak” is probably just an attempt to pick off some low level dealers.

  35. American troops? In Uganda?

    See, Obama did implement Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson’s foreign policy. The liberaltarian alliance lives!

  36. http://dailycaller.com/2013/04…..liberties/

    Holy shit, the ACLU might actually get something right, although right now they are only “concerned”. Whether that means they will actually do something remains to be scene.

    1. Fuck them. They are concerned about protecting my privacy while I’m being stripped of my Second Amendment Rights.

      Fuck them.

      1. But I am told constantly on here how the ACLU are good Libertarian allies.

        And yeah, fuck them. Fucking assholes.

        1. I don’t think it’s constantly.

          And usually the support for them is fairly restrained on here.

          Well, from the commentariat at least. The writers maybe not, but I never read the articles, so who knows.

          1. John gets regularly challenged when he starts whining about how the ACLU are the worst people ever. But in John’s world that’s “constantly.” Poor John.

            1. Yeah, but I don’t even think it goes that far. Usually when he craps on them (deservedly), a COUPLE of people chime in with “yeah, they generally suck, but every so often they do something good” or “nationally they suck, but there are a couple of decent regional chapters.”

              Hardly constant or resounding. But whatevs.

          2. Articles?

            1. I am confused too – I know there are pictures that mostly have alt-text, but articles?

        2. Yeah, fuck the organization that speaks up and litigates in defense of liberty because they don’t stand for exactly what you want them to.

          1. When they put themselves out there as THE DEFENDERS of liberty, then give silent consent to tyrants who want to strip away my Constitutional Rights, they are just another bunch of useless fucking assholes.

            1. They choose which cases they take with their limited time and resources, just like anyone else would. They don’t have to litigate every single case that violates someone’s rights, nor do they have the ability to do so. And they’ve kept up their litigation under the current president, which earns them major kudos from me.

              It’s not like they’re the only legal organization out there that stands up for liberty, nor are they asking for any kind of reward for doing so outside of the funds that their nonprofits bring in.

              1. So when issuing a press-release regarding a piece of gun-legislation, they can express worry over privacy – but not the Second Amendment? Because of “limited resources”?

                Want to try again?

                1. If I were trying to please you then I might consider trying again, but I’m not so I’ll just repost what I put up earlier: Yeah, fuck the organization that speaks up and litigates in defense of liberty because they don’t stand for exactly what you want them to.

                  We can talk about their general activities, or we can talk about this specific story, but either way THEY DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING, and yet they are.

                  You’re like that fucking kid who smashes his Lego set because his mom got him the cowboys instead of the astronauts.

      2. Hey, they aren’t all things to all people. Their goals largely, but don’t completely, overlap with the goals of libertarianism. Yes, there are some areas in which they work against libertarian causes. But on balance they are more our friend than our enemy.

        And John, whining is not the same thing as disproving. Tears…yummy…sweet.

        1. On some issues they support civil liberties, on other issues, they oppose them. So it depends on the issue, doesn’t it?

  37. When dog owners are compelled to rally in front of their state legislature to stop the puppycide being carried out by police in their state, there might actually be something to it.

    FTA: However, the bill creates exemptions for law enforcement to exercise discretion during calls, taking into account their safety and the safety of others in dealing with dogs. Sheriff’s deputies assigned to courts or jails are also exempted from the training, as are code enforcement officers.

    Nevermind. I guess they’re not serious after all.

    1. In fairness the jail guys don’t deal with the public and the code enforcement people probably are not armed.

      1. However, the bill creates exemptions for law enforcement to exercise discretion during calls, taking into account their safety and the safety of others in dealing with dogs.

        This is what I was referring to. It gives them carte blanche to use the old “I felt like the dog was going to come at me” bullshit line, since the dog does not have a waistband to reach toward.

        1. Yeah, for cops, discretion means, do whatever the fuck you want.

      2. The jail guys probably feel left out of the action and by virtue of being “Sheriff’s Deputies” are probably packing heat even when off-duty.

        1. I would hope they could pack heat while off duty even if they aren’t cops.

          Hell, I regularly walk the streets where I live with a loaded pistol hanging on my hip, which is totally illegal out here. I’ve even been stopped by a state trooper while pushing a baby stroller while carrying. The trooper asked if I had seen a few loose bulls and drove off. And yes, she took a long look at my gun.

          Even in California, rural living has its advantages. If I had done that in Compton, even though there is a greater need to do so from a safety standpoint, I would have been locked up (if I had survived the initial police encounter).

          1. Yeah, I’m with you. But these guys are probably carrying their service weapons and itching to fire them. Cheers.

    2. My dad was a code enforcement officer. I can’t imagine him shooting dogs.

  38. “If we have not passed it already, we are on the threshold of global observations becoming incompatible with the consensus theory of climate change,” he says.

    1. He is honest.
    2. And yet, he is still referring to a “consensus” theory, which is bullshit.
    3. So, maybe, ignore #1.

    1. And then the article veers out of science and into politics.

      These guys need to do fucking science.

      1. Science doesn’t get you column inches on the Op/Ed page.

        1. Op/Ed pages are worse than the sports page. Who would want inches there?

          1. Oh, its just a marker. If you get Op/Ed column inches in the right papers, you also get asked to go to Davos and rub elbows with the right kind of people.

    2. Reality does not conform to theory. Reality is wack.

  39. Panhandler-in-Chief, doing what he does best.

    Obama launched his efforts Wednesday ? after a brief stop in Denver to rally support for gun control legislation ? with a cocktail reception at the home of former hedge fund manager and climate activist Tom Steyer and his wife, Kat Taylor. About 100 donors paid a minimum of $5,000 to attend. The guest list was smaller for a dinner later Wednesday at another private home, but the price for attendance was higher, $32,400 ? the maximum individuals may give to a national party committee per year. Israel and Pelosi joined Obama for both events.

    The president will continue the fundraising blitz Thursday in the ritzy town of Atherton, where he will attend a $32,400-a-person luncheon near Stanford University, according to an invitation obtained by The Associated Press. He’ll also appear at a brunch at the home of philanthropists Marcia and John Goldman, where donors can pay $1,000 to attend or $5,000 for the chance to take a photo with the president. Both events benefit the national Democratic Party.

    He’s “giving back”part of his paycheck, though.

    1. President Obama has a net worth estimated between $2.6 million and $11.8 million; he makes $400,000 per year before taxes, lives rent free at the White House, pays absolutely nothing in official travel costs, and gets $169,000 to cover expenses, personal travel, and entertainment. The government pays for state dinners and other official functions, but the president pays for personal services like dry cleaning and food that he, his family, and personal guests consume.

      But he’s giving up about $1,666 per month, so, hey. Shared sacrifice

      God I hate that fucker.

    2. Panhandler-in-Chief,

      Perhaps he could hold an Americathon.

      1. I so want to see that movie again.

        1. I think they should do a remake of it

          1. I could live with that if it were done well. It’s not like the original was perfect, though it had some great moments.

    3. You know who else threw cocktail parties and started a blitz…

      1. Cosmotarian linebackers?

        1. winner!

  40. Double-standard report of the day!

    Police officer given one year for misdemeanor “deprivation of civil rights”.

    Wanna know what he did? He forced her to perform sex acts in his police cruiser. He got probation for the state charge a couple of years ago.

    And here I thought rape while carrying a gun led to enhanced penalties. Looks like it’s all but a get out of jail free card if you also carry a badge.

    1. the badge neutralizes the enhanced penalties, and even reduces the regular penalties.

      1. The badge is also an indirect enhancement that helps to negate the awful, awful effects of Police Officer Micropenis Syndrome. They’re just compensating.

  41. MD: Beretta Group Representative Delivers GREAT Testimony to Maryland Lawmakers; Company May Relocate (video story)

    http://gunssavelives.net/blog/…..-relocate/

    “Jeff Reh, member of the Board of Directors for Beretta USA, Corporate Secretary for Benelli USA, President of Stoeger Industries and general counsel for the Beretta family of companies for the Beretta family of companies addressed lawmakers in Maryland ahead of their vote on a proposed assault weapons ban and a proposed limit on magazine capacity.” …

    ———–

    Leave now, Beretta. Move to Texas or Missouri, or something.

    1. Leave and never sell a single thing to the state of Maryland.

      1. Attach “Fuck Maryland” bumper stickers to your mover convoy when you close for the last time and leave, Beretta. Please.

    2. If they move to Virginia, O’Malley would say it’s a win for “the region”.

      Also, Reh was way too polite with the “why do you *need* …” line of questioning.

      We really need to come up with some immediate put-downs of that crap.

      1. “Fuck you, thats why”

        Hey, it works for them, it can work for us too.

      2. I need it so I can tell you to mind your own goddamn business.

        1. May be perceived as a threat.

          May I suggest: “Why do you *need* to ask that question?”

  42. “”People have to be increasingly aware, particularly in matters of morality and sexual offending, that the long arm of the Australian law can extend to wherever in the world an offence takes place.”

    Read more: http://www.couriermail.com.au/…..z2PVBPtzOv

    1. Translation: The long cock of totalitarian governance shall ravage you wherever you are.

      1. the arm of US law is as long, if not longer, and has more muscle

        1. Yeah, my first thought was that the Aussies are taking a page from Uncle Sam’s book.

    2. You know, the last time their law extended wherever in the world they wanted, there was a freaking Second World War. Supid chicken leg country, why didn’t we chop them up and dole them out permanently.

  43. http://pjmedia.com/eddriscoll/…..um=twitter

    Now Obama is pushing subprime auto loans. You can’t make this shit up.

    1. What’s the matter? Not enough inexpensive used cars on the market for lower income folks to buy? Whatever could have caused such a problem?

      1. I cannot tell you how insanely pissed I was when I had to buy a new car. The insurance gave me 10 grand for my totaled Mazda, which did not go as far as it used to. Fucking Cash for Clunkers.

        1. Tell me about it. It was the state’s fault I had to get rid of my old car (emissions problem too expensive to be worth fixing but not actually a big deal of any kind), and the state’s fault that a new one was so fucking expensive.

          1. No, it was obviously a market failure.

    2. I guess I will be on the lookout for cheap used escalades and navigators soon…….

    3. “No credit! No problem! At Crazy Barry’s Used Car Lot, we sell to anybody!”

  44. http://www.gazette.com/article…..-fire.html

    CO: County’s move to laud NRA draws fire

    “Even before the El Paso County commissioners vote, a proposal to name April 4 ‘Friends of NRA Day’ is drawing flak.”

    “‘Our objection is that we just feel that the county commissioners, as elected officials, should try to represent the view of everyone in the county,’ said Monica Hobbs, one of a group fighting the proposal.”

    “‘By creating a day like that for the NRA, it’s going into a niche area,’ she said. ‘And with the heated debate and direction the county has already gone, it’s just another way of saying that we are not listening to everybody in our constituency.'” …

    1. In other words, hoplophobic prohibitionists and their degenerate arguments aren’t much liked by the aforementioned commissioners, clearly indicating that they’re just being unfairly ignored.

      WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

    2. Im all in favor of laws requiring unanimous consent of all residents.

      I support Monica Hobbs if she really means that.

      Hint: she doesnt.

      1. She’s just a prissy pinko who’s angry her side of the argument isn’t sticking. Fuck her.

  45. Not according to the real estate market up here. Or the packed mall parking lots.

  46. What happens when cops try to cover up the criminal behavior of a fellow officer found wandering the streets naked from the waist down (aka: “Donald Ducking”)? Nothing, that’s what!

    FTA: In court filings, the district attorney’s office noted that when Garcia removed the items, he wasn’t hindering an “official proceeding.”
    “Joe Myers was not being detained or arrested but instead sent home on the orders of a superior officer allegedly acting under the belief Myers’ conduct was a reaction to multiple prescribed medications,” the motion to dismiss states. “The items removed … have no relevancy to the subsequent charges developed against Joe Myers as there was no alcohol in his blood and the pornography is not contraband.”

    Yes, when a non-cop goes to a crime scene and begins to remove evidence to cover up a crime, the prosecutor usually makes the same kind of statement.

    By the way, the pervo cop who was jacking it in the bushes outside the girl’s window was allowed to retire with his full pension.

    1. Shut up. There’s no preferential treatment. It’s all a libertard fabrication. THINK OF THE CHILDREN. COPS ARE SAINTS.

  47. Shit I am late again for the links…..
    Reloading is taking too much of my time…or not enough.

    “Climate Scientists Can’t Explain Pause in Rising Temperatures”

    Their persistence with the ever changing falling sky scenarios is really starting to piss me off. I am a denier….right. I said they were full of shit when global cooling was around the corner….and that didnt happen. I said they were full of shit when they said the oceans would boil away…and that didnt happen.
    yeah, I am a denier.

    Fuck you tony and all like you.

    The most damage that has come out of all this fiasco is the damage done to science and it’s credibility by the politicization of inquiry. Fuck every single mendacious douchebag political activist who has been masquerading as a scientist.

    1. The science is settled, you science hating teabagging rethuglikan!!

      /progtard

    2. “Fuck every single mendacious douchebag political activist who has been masquerading as a scientist.”

      I have a hard science degree and used to work with these people. In my experience, most scientists have an agenda, and all of them want more money with which to conduct experiments, buy new equipment, etc. It’s just that a lot of experimentation doesn’t lend itself to politicizing the way that studying the climate does.

      And not that it’s uncommon knowledge, but a sizeable majority of scientists are left-leaning dweebs whose love of conformity eclipses even their fear of speaking to women.

  48. finally, the book of juggalo photographs your coffee table has been yearning for

    1. The black haired girl in the black strapless bikini top in the last photo is actually pretty cute. Honey, what are you doing there?

      1. Meth does a body good. For a little while.

        1. Meth or not, cute is cute. And pretty girls don’t have to hang with jugalos.

          1. There’s a certain class of woman who loves a man who will wear more makeup than her.

    2. I really like the Priest-Warlock-MethSamurai-“Roadie too skinny to move the amps” guy. Absolutely everything about him says “My mom found a picture of me with my entire hand up my ass. I live in the forest now.”

      1. I like the incredible collection of shitty cars they are driving. Literally no one there can get an auto loan.

          1. you are too cruel. His elfin ears suggest he has unearthly powers

            1. I suppose epic unemployability is a power of a sort.

              1. “My mom found a picture of me with my entire hand up my ass. I live in the forest now.”

                I suppose epic unemployability is a power of a sort.

                Stop, just stop – you are going to get me fired! I have been laughing and choking back even harder laughter because of this thread.

                I think I am just going to have to avoid anything “Jugalo” related on H&R.

      2. The FiveFingers are a nice touch. You may laugh, but that man’s clothes are way more comfortable than yours.

    3. Juggalos are just as human as Australians.

    4. I knew better, I really did. But, I clicked on it anyway. Sometimes I just cant help myself…..

    5. Well, they are certainly of the species H. Sapiens. Human is going a bit far.

      1. Sort of disproves Darwin. No way did those people evolve from apes. Devolved maybe but not evolved.

        1. Just remember, most people of European descent have Neanderthal DNA. Part of evolution is the desire to fuck anything that will hold still for it and has the proper equipment or a close enough facsimile thereof. You can be the skinny weird chick or the Queen of the Juggalos. There’s always gonna be someone trying to make an end run around the status tree. That’s evolution, too.

          1. Yeah, nothing says evolution has to move towards what you or I would value. Perhaps Juggalos are the next stage for humanity.

        2. Sort of disproves Darwin. No way did those people evolve from apes.

          Except that Darwin did not say that humans evolved from apes. He said that humans and apes share a common ancestor. Not. The. Same. Thing.

          1. That’s the problem with the word “evolution”. It makes it seem like there is some end or good that it all moves toward, which is just not true.
            Darwin had a theory of natural selection, not evolution.

            1. Natural selection is, basically, what drives evolution. They aren’t synonyms. Further, I don’t think evolution has a connotation of having an end or goal.

              1. Some people seem to think so. Perhaps and end or goal isn’t the right way to say it, but at least there is some implication of improvement in “evolution”. People talk about some things being more evolved than others. If you are comparing the present to the past, perhaps that makes sense. But every living thing today is equally highly evolved.

                1. Yes, Zeb. They say “evolution” when they are thinking of “entelechy.”

                  The pernicious idea of entelachy–a form of magical thinking when not emperical observed–is the central fallacy of the Progressives. They think that their idea of what society should be is not only the only possible way it can, but also that is what society was meant to become all along. It’s straight-up Marxism.

            2. True, although it is trivial to acknowledge an increase in complexity among life-forms throughout the fossil record. Complexity != better, as sharks and monitor lizards remained apex predators until widespread tool use took some mid-level omnivore out of his naturally selected place.

          2. We share a common ancestor that was an ape. But given these people, perhaps a really dumb ape.

            1. We share a common ancestor that was an ape.

              Um, no. I won’t bother. Your ignorance on this subject is obviously willful.

              1. You’re an ape.

              2. Oh give me a fucking break. Why does this subject make you into a humorless prick unable to get a simple joke?

              3. It is almost as if I am insulting your religion or something.

                1. The only thing here that you insulted was your intelligence.

                  1. I will try to be more respectful to the believers sarcasmic. You guys get touchy I know.

              4. John’s right. The immediate common ancestors of humans and the modern great apes are considered to have been apes themselves.

    6. Speaking of Fast Company, why haven’t we seen a reboot of “FuckedCompany?” Or is it too sad to document all the small businesses failing while TBTF, well connected ones get bailouts?

  49. Orlando Police officer preparing to participate in real-life version of “Death Race 2000”.

    FTA: The accused officer, Patrol Tactical Officer Michael Fiorentino-Tyburski, has not been suspended despite police saying he struck the man.
    -and-
    An iris camera at the intersection caught the whole thing on video, but police won’t release it. Their report said Nunn walked across Hughey and when he got halfway across, he stopped for a passing car and was hit by the officer a second later.

    Yeah, that’s a felony for one of us peons. This guy doesn’t even miss work.

    1. An iris camera at the intersection caught the whole thing on video, but police won’t release it.

      One of the stories on local TV (Albany, NY) last night was of how when a police car and ambulance were responding to an accident on the highway, another car lost control and crashed into the scene. They made certain to release the video, and get all the reporters to repeat the cops’ assertion that the driver of the car that lost control was on her cell phone.

    2. I dunno. Don’t have to be a cop to get special treatment. At least the kid who hit me on my bicycle after he ran a red light wasn’t a cop, yet the report made it look like I jumped in front of his car. Even though there was a bunch of witnesses who told the cop what happened. Since I looked like a homeless person who obviously could not afford to defend myself in court, the cop did what cops do: filed a false report.

    3. ORLANDOOOOO!!!! Fuck Lake Eola.

  50. These are the Lastros I was expecting.

    The Astros K’d 43 times against the Rangers. That’s 13 on Sunday (a game Houston won) and 15 on both Tuesday and Wednesday. Through three games, here are the Astros’ individual strike-out leaders: Brett Wallace (8), Chris Carter (7), Carlos Pena (6), Rick Ankiel and Justin Maxwell (5 each).

    Here’s a little more context: The entire NL East has 35 Ks coming in to Wednesday’s games.

    Oh, by the way, that’s a record going back to at least 1900.

    1. Starting the year off right!

  51. No opportunity left unexploited.

    The rupture of an ExxonMobil pipeline that sent a gooey black stream of heavy Canadian crude oozing across lawns and driveways in suburban Mayflower, Ark., last Friday has been seized upon by opponents of the Keystone XL pipeline as proof that the controversial project should be halted.

    The break in the more-than-60-year-old Pegasus pipeline, environmentalists and homeowners say, illustrates the inability of oil pipeline companies to prevent spills that can wreak havoc on local environments, including important water aquifers along the 1,700 mile Keystone XL’s projected route. An Obama administration ruling on the pipeline is expected sometime this summer.

    “The oil companies have made it clear that their priority is not safety, it’s profit margins,” Glen Hooks, a spokesman for Arkansas Sierra Club, said in a statement. “Why should we trust oil companies when they say their pipelines are safe when there have been spill after spill?”

    If only toasters and blenders and cars ran on bullshit.

    1. If the oil companies were smart, they’d jump on it too.

      “See, this is why we need new pipelines approved. We’re forced to expand the capacity of 60 year old lines instead of building new ones.”

    2. Gee, why do you think they haven’t touched that pipeline in 60 years? Couldn’t be permitting and regulation, could it?

  52. Connecticut Maryland lawmakers passed are about to pass a grab-bag of stupid and intrusive gun restrictions that wouldn’t have prevented the Newtown shooting and guarantee to criminalize, overnight, large numbers of state residents.

    Maryland’s so called Firearms Safety Act passes MD house

    Gov. O’Malley is a stateist’s stateist that jokingly believes himself to presidential candidate material. I have to wonder if his running up against a term-limit wall isn’t allowing him to push this bill harder than he would otherwise if he had the opportunity to run for a third term. He’ll have to remember when Kathleen Kennedy Townsend ran for governor with a strong anti-gun expectation that she had her butt kicked by the 1st Republican governor elected since Spiro Agnew (38 year gap, if I remember correctly). Bob Erlich may have only lasted a single term, but his election did seem to squash the anti-gunner’s efforts a bit.

  53. Posted this last night, but I’ll do it again. The Cooch spends taxpayer money to “petition” the court, so consensual anal and oral sex will remain illegal in Virginny. For gays and straights (yes, Eduard, even your steak & BJ day is illegal in VA!)

    Five felonies a day, people!

    1. This is why I laugh whenever a VA politician is mentioned for a possible national office run. Government so small, it fits in your uterus!

      Hey, at least he didn’t call anybody Makaka.

    2. What the fuck? I thought Lawrence v. Texas settled this entire issue. I hope the appeals court just sends back “Denied, Lawrence.”

    3. Jesus H. Christ, what a fucking moron. Does he really think he is going to get the Supreme Court to revisit sodomy?

      So basically he is going to piss away what should be an easy campaign and let the Democrats turn Virginia into Maryland all so he can chase butt sex windmills. Why do we allow these people into politics?

      1. The better question is: How do we change our political system to NOT select for venal scumbags.

        1. I have an idea. How about instead of having a set salary for an office, you pay the person that wins twice their average annual salary over the past 5 years.

          That would assure people of running that would see a financial benefit, as opposed to ones that look upon it as some familial rite of passage or a plaything.

          1. Just make it a lottery. Require a payment to enter the race, and the the winning candidate receives regular disbursements over the period of his term totaling the amount paid in to the pool minus the costs of the election and his office expenses (including staff salaries and travel expenses).

          2. Okay, but only if the tax fine for going to work in any form of paid lobbying gig after you leave is 125% of any compensation received. I mean, if you truly believe in the cause, you’d do it for free, right?

            1. I would totally support this under any system.

      2. That is exactly what he’s going to do.

        McDonnell sweeps into office in a fucking landslide on a platform of small government and deregulation, and Kenny thinks its a mandate for all of his SoCon pet issues.

      3. According to the article, he doesn’t want to apply sodomy statute to consenting adults – he wants to apply it to adults who sodomize children.

        The legal question is whether to strike down the Virginia law in its entirety or judicially rewrite it so it no longer applies to consenting adults but still applies to cases like the one being litigated, where a 47-year-old man solicited sodomy from a 17-year-old girl.

        As I understand it, the judges said that the law must be fully struck down, and the state legislature should amend it to specifically protect children. Cucinnelli says it can be applied to child-sodomizers even if it can’t be applied to adults.

        The framing you’re giving is misleading.

        1. Cucinnelli is a prominent limited-government activist who used his position to challenge federal overreach. I don’t get the hate on him because (correctly or not) he wants to keep a guy in prison who solicited sodomy from a child. Maybe the law under which the guy is in prison is so flawed that he should be released, but don’t pretend this is about consensual adult relationships.

          1. Finally, there is the issue of whether the federal courts should be intervening in this case where, whatever the legal merits, at least there are good arguments on both sides. The Supreme Court has made clear that federal habeas corpus (which the convict is invoking) can’t overrule state courts except for fairly clear error, not debatable legal points. So Cuccinelli is defending federalist principles.

            Here is the opinion – the dissent starts at p. 22.

            http://www.ca4.uscourts.gov/Op…..7427.P.pdf

            By the way, the 47-year-old started the case when he claimed that the 17-year old had kidnapped and tried to ravage him. He later pleaded to filing a false police report – it seems the solicitation was in the other direction. Charming guy.

            1. You really should not have linked the opinion of the court, because it completely deflates your bullshit.

              He asked her to suck his dick, she said no, and nothing else happened. Then he filed a police report like a dumbass, probably because his wife found out that he was in a car with a girl 30 years his junior, or maybe he was so stupid he told her about it.

              There are three “crimes” here that are pure social engineering bullshit:

              1. Contributing to the delinquincy of a minor,
              2. Encouraging a minor to commit a crime,
              3. The act of oral or anal sex.

              In case it was not clear, there was no coercion and in fact there was no actual sexual activity whatsoever. Let me state that one more time: THE GIRL WAS NOT FORCED AND NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

              Brave Cuccinelli, taking a stand against non-aggressive middle-aged pervs!

              1. I was not in fact defending this guy’s prosecution or sentence. I was replying to kk’s original comment at the head of this thread that Cuccinelli “spends taxpayer money to “petition” the court, so consensual anal and oral sex will remain illegal in Virginny.” Prompting several “OMG he wants to punish consensual sodomy” remarks.

                To quote myself above: “Maybe the law under which the guy is in prison is so flawed that he should be released, but don’t pretend this is about consensual adult relationships.”

                I think, with respect, you’ve moving the goalposts.

                1. In more moderate tones, I will agree that the original thread mischaracterized Cuccinelli’s position, but I will also reiterate that this particular case is complete bullshit.

                  Nevertheless, Cuccinelli’s position is untenable because there are other laws forbidding sexual activity without qualification between minors and adults in Virginia. The sodomizing of children by adults will remain illegal even if this law is overturned.

                  Also, on a more philosophical level, I believe it should be within the purview of the courts to either uphold or strike down bad laws, but not to rewrite them, Supreme Court jurisprudence not withstanding. It is the job of the legislature to craft good laws, and to amend bad ones; it is the job of the court to prevent legislative overreach, not to supplant the legislature.

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