5 Govt Videos Every Bit as Terrible as the IRS Star Trek Parody
Just how rotten and outrageous is the IRS' notorious Star Trek training video that cost $60,000 to produce? It's so bad the William Shatner—the man, the myth, the legend who played the interplanetary poon hound Capt. James T. Kirk on the original series—is appalled.
"So I watched that IRS video. I am appalled at the utter waste of US tax dollars," tweeted Shatner yesterday.
Say what you will about the star of such cinematic underachievers as Kindom of the Spiders, The Devil's Rain, Big Bad Mama, and Incubus, an all-Esperanto meleagro ?eleto (look it up!), he didn't directly waste taxpayer dollars while pursuing his career in stage, screen, and spoken-word poetry of the highest order.
While Shatner is absolutely right to be appalled, the real tragedy is that awful government-created videos are a dime a dozen.
Here are five more government videos that are every bit as insulting to the average taxpayer—and moviegoer—as the IRS Star Trek vid.
We don't know what they cost to make, but we want our money back.
NEXT: What Were They Smoking When They Made This Anti-Drug Reel? (And Can I Get a Dime Bag's Worth?)
Back in 2007, the prohibitionists at the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) created an elaborate website that followed the adventures of pith-helmet-clad explorer Dr. Barnard Puck and his assistant Baldrick as they tried to study potheads in their native habitat. The results were more embarrassing—yet no less trippy—than a Dude, Where's My Car? marathon.
The ONDCP has scrubbed the "Stoners in the Mist" site and its long-form videos from the web and all that remains (like an LSD flashback) is this short promo for the series.
NEXT: Worst. Indiana. Jones. Knockoff. Ever.
Brought to you by the Treasury Department geniuses behind such disaster flicks as "Too Big To Fail," "TARP," and "TARP II," "Montana Jones and the Raiders of the Forgotten Bonds" manages to combine the elaborate-yet-unconvincing setting of Land of the Lost with an aimless plot lifted from the least-interesting porn you could imagine. Suffice it to say it has something to do with a jungle, a father and daughter, and—wait for it—savings bonds.
If you've ever wondered why Americans don't save money, it's probably because of videos like this one.
NEXT: The U.S. Navy is Full of Old Salts…Who Are High on BATH SALTS!
Remember the good old days when the Village People sang about navy life as one big floating party? Those days are over, according to this December 2012 video from U.S. Navy. Inspired by the pathbreaking first-person POV first used in 1947's The Lady in the Lake and random capitalizaton patterns popularized by Kitten on the Keys, "BATH SALTS: It's not a fad…It's a NIGHTMARE." includes the best bowling alley action scenes since Kingpin and The Big Lebowski as our hero struggles with demons real and imagined in a military setting.
It's not From Here to Eternity—it only feels like it.
NEXT: Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not for This Video of the White House Easter Egg Roll.
As this 2009 production, "White House Easter Egg Roll Highlights," documents, tragedy struck when President Barack Obama declared that despite the sequester, this year's Easter Egg activites would proceed as scheduled.
Kenneth Anger and Luis Bunuel were never so surrealistic as this terrifying mix of pagan ritual and forced-march frivolity. "Our goal today is just to have fun," announces First Lady Michelle Obama, who has replaced Easter candy in years since with pre-screened fruit and hand-washing stations. "We want to focus on activity, healthy eating. We got yoga, we got dancing, we got storytelling."
The result is something darker than all of Bergman—and in just 2.30 minutes!
NEXT: David Berkowitz, Your White House Dog is Calling…
Of all the tragic decisions emanating from the Bush administration, none was more perfectly realized than "Barney Cam 5: Barney's Holiday Extravaganza," the official 2006 White House Christmas video. Featuring an all-star cast that includes George W. Bush, Laura Bush, Karl Rove, football great Emmitt Smith, and B-list presidential pets Kitty and Ms. Beasley, the video follows First Dog Barney in his attempt to stage a celebratory pageant. The problem is, as Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson explains (a full two years before he admitted it to the American people), "We're outta money."
The mainstream media announced in early February that Barney had died this year at the age of 12. As viewers of "Barney Cam 5" know, that's way off. He died years ago, about a minute into this video.
Got other government videos that we should be talking about? List 'em and link 'em in the comments below.