A.M. Links: Newt Gingrich Questions House GOP Strategy, NASA Mulls Plan to Tow Asteroid Into Lunar Orbit, Flipping the Bird at a Cop Protected Speech

Ed Krayewski | 1.4.2013 9:00 AM

The U.S. economy added 155,000 new jobs in December according to government statistics.
Newt Gingrich questions House Republicans' strategy to fight the debt ceiling, since everyone knows they'll just cave in the end anyway.
NASA is mulling a plan to pull an asteroid into the moon's orbit. What could possibly go wrong?
A federal court rules giving the finger to a cop is protected speech.
Al Gore may have rushed through the deal to sell Current TV to Al-Jazeera in 2012 to avoid higher taxes this year. He wouldn't sell it to Glenn Beck though.
Switzerland's oldest bank is closing after pleading guilty in U.S. court to helping Americans avoid their taxes.

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Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

Newt Gingrich questions-

Stop right there.
1. PS 13 years ago
  
  I've got a whole bag of shh with your name on it
sarcasmic 13 years ago

A goat that thinks it's a chicken.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....g-pen.html
Funny shit.
1. Jerry on the road 13 years ago
  
  TIMMAY!
2. An0nB0t 13 years ago
  
  Clearly there are plenty of limeys out there who've never spent much time around goats.
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

NASA is mulling a plan to pull an asteroid into the moon's orbit.

Meh. Wake me when the moon's moon gets a moon.
1. hamilton 13 years ago
  
  I totally call dibs on the shapeshifter chick.
  1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
    
    You know that's not really a chick right?
  2. Ted S. 13 years ago
    
    I'm sorry, but you're already on the list for being a red-shirt.
    1. hamilton 13 years ago
      
      I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just "Crewman Number Six."
2. PS 13 years ago
  
  NASA is mulling a plan to pull an asteroid into the moon's orbit. What could possibly go wrong?
  
  Seriously Ed? The gravitation, orbits, etc, are well known and easily calculable. Plenty of margin for error. The next step, of course, would be to put an asteroid into Earth orbit and use it to mine for large-scale orbital solar collection satellites, orbiting habitats and raw materials for interplanetary staging, instead of trying to lift all that raw mass out of our gravity well.
  1. RBS 13 years ago
    
    I see you're just as humorless as ever.
    1. PS 13 years ago
      
      Tomorrow I will wake up brimming with humor, but you'll still be a cunt.
      1. RBS 13 years ago
        
        Awe, you tried to insult me.
        
        PS 13 years ago
        
        Wait, cunt is now considered an insult?
        
        I blame Ken.
        
        Randian 13 years ago
        
        Can I get any of you cunts a drink?
Whiterun Guard 13 years ago

Women complain modern men don't know enough about comics.

I'm here for you ladies!!! DC crossovers/Crises are my specialty!
1. Ted S. 13 years ago
  
  Oh Andy Capp, you lovable wife-beater.
  1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
    
    Comic BOOKS you philistine!
    1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
      
      Comic books??
      
      It's Graphic Novels!
      1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        Good lord, I am going to have to educate you people!
        
        Graphic Novels are for things larger than double issue (and the old school Mega-issues on standard news prints).
        
        Comic Books are still for the single monthly issues.
        
        I don't care how many times john's fatty goth girlfriend swears that the early issues of Sandman are graphic novels, they just ain't!
        
        sarcasmic 13 years ago
        
        Worst. Episode. Ever.
        
        Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago
        
        If you're into DC Comics then you can't educate dick.
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Or jane.
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        I don't want to educate dick. And I wouldn't say 'into' them. And they're the best ones out there, especially now that Rob Liefeld is back! BIGGER MUSCLES AND NO FEET!
        
        Francisco d Anconia 13 years ago
        
        I thought Graphic Novels were novels with smut in them?
      2. Tim 13 years ago
        
        funny papers.
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        I will burn you with the wrath of a thousand Superman: Red Sons.
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Komix?
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        That was a brand name wasn't it?
        
        Ed 13 years ago
        
        Finally read that for the first time yesterday. A bit overrated
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        See? Ed knows how to pick up the ladies.
        
        Enough About Palin 13 years ago
        
        "Red Sons."
        
        RACIST!!!!!!1!!11
invisible furry hand 13 years ago

Cry-baby of the week: the dad who bought Warty's Nintendo, or a judge?
1. Brett L 13 years ago
  
  The nintendo dude. Judges are famously egomaniacal dicks in their own court rooms.
2. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
  
  No way that's Warty's. If the guy cried at 9 images of 'sexual activity', he'd be dead if he saw anything of Warty's.
  
  Well, really we all would be, but this guy would be extra dead.
3. tarran 13 years ago
  
  The judge...
  
  The dad whined on camera.
  
  The judge ordered a kidnapping and held her victim for ransom for 11 days.
  1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
    
    And the victim didn't go all Law Abiding Citizen on the judge, so obviously she's fine with it. Got to go with the Nintendo whiner.
    1. tarran 13 years ago
      
      After being kidnapped would you mouth off at your kidnapper?
      
      Especially after she raised the ransom demand and had you re-kidnapped?
      1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        Mouth off? No, I think I would be a little less subtle.
      2. tarran 13 years ago
        
        And are you being less subtle with people like Obama too?
        
        Or are you just one of those guys who gets very courageous when imagining yourself in other people's shoes?
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        I left the country so I wouldn't ever be in that position.
        
        And I wouldn't exactly call it courageous.
        
        And seriously? I mean a judge doing this directly TO a person is exactly the same as having a shitty president? Your Tulpa-esque comparison notwithstanding, I don't put myself in situations like that because I know I only get one chance at an outcome. I guess you would just sit there and take it like a bitch.
        
        tarran 13 years ago
        
        I see, so because she ran afoul of the judge, and then didn't gun her down (because that always comes out well), she had it coming. The moment she got all those tickets and pissed off the judge, honor demanded that she should emulate the sons of Nippon and charge at the enemy crying banzai until she was dead or victorious. And having failed to follow that honorable course, obviously her injury is less than that of the harried Gamestop manager.
        
        Please tell me you are drunk, because the point you are making is so mind-numbingly & belligerently stupid that it might even be carcinogenic.
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        And having failed to follow that honorable course, obviously her injury is less than that of the harried Gamestop manager.
        
        The chick wasn't in competition, the judge was. Although neither was the Gamestop manager.
        
        And none of this has anything what-so-ever to do with whether she had it coming, or whether the punishment was justified - the answers to those are quite obvious. But, my opinion of her, which I'm allowed to have, nestcepas?, is still what it is.
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        Sorry, I just refuse to feel bad for Americans who get screwed by the system they embrace, until they start standing up for it.
        
        You can weep with them all you want, I choose not to.
  2. Ted S. 13 years ago
    
    What the hell was the reason for upping the bail to $5K in the first place?
    1. SugarFree 13 years ago
      
      Bailiffs? Seize Ted!
    2. sloopyinca 13 years ago
      
      I believe the judge was using the FUTY (fuck you that's why) clause that has been part of American courtroom jurisprudence since the first colonists got off their boats.
sarcasmic 13 years ago

Girl sues Icelandic government over recognition of her name.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....reeze.html

Icelanders are generally comfortable with a firm state role, and abide by the Personal Names Register, a list of 1,712 male names and 1,853 female names.

In Iceland you may only use a government approved name for your child.
1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
  
  Yesterday's news, I'm afraid
  1. sarcasmic 13 years ago
    
    I wasn't around yesterday, I'm afraid.
  2. Ted S. 13 years ago
    
    That's only because it's alreday tomorrow for those freaky Antipodeans.
    1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
      
      Nah it's last weeks news to the underbelly of the Earth. Aren't they on a different calendar and clock system down there?
      1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        And don't forget their toilets!
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        You know, I'm kinda fond of our resident Antipodean, and I'll have not one whit of this tomfoolery!
        
        Also, you forgot all their poisonous critters.
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        In Australia you only get one spoon for your whole life, and if you lose it you starve to death unless someone dies and wills you their spoon.
        
        Tim 13 years ago
        
        Crikey!
        
        T 13 years ago
        
        I thought they got food to their maws with bare (albeit dirty) hands or a big freaking knife. When did they get spoons?
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        I see you've played knifey-spoony before.
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

Al Gore may have rushed through the deal to sell Current TV to Al-Jazeera in 2012 to avoid higher taxes this year.

I wonder if these assholes who advocate higher taxes yet scramble to keep every cent of their own money out of the state's coffers see any hypocrisy at all.
1. Restoras 13 years ago
  
  My guess is no. They are so wrapped up in their own egos it is impossible for them to see how it looks from the viewpoint of the others that they purport to represent.
  1. Ted S. 13 years ago
    
    It's OK when they do it. Because they're Top Men.
    
    And because fuck you, that's why.
2. Tim 13 years ago
  
  We're only asking them to do a little more to help us out*.
  
  *Focus grouped phrase or I'm a sea otter.
3. sloopyinca 13 years ago
  
  In Manbearpig-Hunter's defense, I don't recall him calling for higher taxes.
sarcasmic 13 years ago

Gwyneth Paltrow is a dork, but we already knew that.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....stage.html
invisible furry hand 13 years ago

Larry the robot vomits so science can understand gastro bug

more
1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
  
  Oh god why did you program me to feel pain!?
2. Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago
  
  So they made it watch Bridesmaids?
3. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
  
  British boffins have enslaved an anatomically correct robot (at least when it comes to the digestive and throat reflex systems) to a lifetime of projectile vomiting - all in the name of science.
  
  So...STEVE SMITH will be testing the gag reflex accuracy? Or this a job for a patented Warty throatfuck?
  1. Brett L 13 years ago
    
    Seems like there's enough at the pubs in London on any given night that it would be cheaper to just recruit the standard 30 and under piss drunk female Briton to do it.
gaijin 13 years ago

Al Gore is a hypocritical d-bagger. That's news?
sarcasmic 13 years ago

Want to make your teeth look whiter? Tattoo your gums!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....miles.html
1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
  
  Well it worked for Kip Winger.
  1. Atanarjuat 13 years ago
    
    I think this demands explanation.
2. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
  
  Also, could be worse. Could have had this guy do it.
The Late P Brooks 13 years ago

Al Gore may have rushed through the deal to sell Current TV to Al-Jazeera in 2012 to avoid higher taxes this year.

UNMUTUAL
Brett L 13 years ago

California -- so progressive it isn't rape-rape when a man breaks and enters and fraudulently misrepresents himself as a drunk woman's boyfriend. Too bad she wasn't a college student where the very act of drunken sex would've made her a rape victim.
1. Ted S. 13 years ago
  
  And the man wasn't even a cop?
2. SugarFree 13 years ago
  
  Single women can't be defrauded into consenting? Way to keep it classy, Cali.
3. Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago
  
  Seems more like penis fraud than rape.
4. nicole 13 years ago
  
  This is just absurd
  
  The appeals court added that prosecutors argued two theories, and it was unclear if the jury convicted Morales because the defendant tricked the victim or because sex with a sleeping person is defined as rape by law.
  
  The court said the case should be retried to ensure the jury's conviction is supported by the latter argument.
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    It's two. Two. Two rapes in one! Welcome to the Sunshine State.
  2. Brett L 13 years ago
    
    Just to be clear, both are convictable offenses punishable by the same penalty, right? So if 6 voted for rape because he defrauded her and 6 voted for rape because it was statutorily defined thus, it matters why? This is just lawyer-full-employment shit.
    1. Randian 13 years ago
      
      Because 6 for and 6 against on a charge is a hung jury.
      1. Rich 13 years ago
        
        Better not have a hung jury for *this* trial.
      2. Brett L 13 years ago
        
        But it's a single charge with two ways in which the violator could be convicted. So it doesn't matter.
        
        For instance, if you got a jury trial for drunk driving and you were dumb enough to blow and the result was 0.09. But the arresting officer's field assessment was also that you were drunk. Your lawyer calls testimony that the breathalyzer can be off by as much as 0.03 and has several former police officers testify that your field assessment errors are common to sober people who are nervous. You get convicted. Six of the jury decided it was because you blew over period. Three more thought the officers made a good point but the breathalyzer error goes both ways, so its probably okay. Three more thought the breathalyzer wasn't enough, but that the field assessment refutement wasn't effective. Does it matter what they thought? No, because they all voted to convict you of drunk driving. Some on the prima facie evidence and some on testimony.
        
        Randian 13 years ago
        
        You don't just get to 'add up' the votes on different charges to make one stick.
        
        Brett L 13 years ago
        
        Look again. There's one charge and two ways the guy could be guilty. The charge is rape. Not statutory rape and rape by fraud. The prosecutor argued that the defendant qualified for conviction by two different conditions in the same statute. Doesn't matter which qualifier an individual jury member believed.
  3. robc 13 years ago
    
    sex with a sleeping person is defined as rape by law.
    
    What if she consents to sleep sex before falling asleep?
    1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      Get it in writing first.
      1. Enough About Palin 13 years ago
        
        The voice of experience, doc?
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        No, but it certainly seems logical, no?
        
        I deal with informed consent issues, but in a different context: Surgery (usually) requires a general anaesthetic, thus the patient will be unconscious. I have to receive consent in writing for whatever procedure I am going to do whilst the patient is out, be it fixing a hernia, or removing a gall bladder or whatever. I can't just go willy-nilly cutting up stuff unless I appraise the patient first of what exactly I am going to do (there are some exceptions if I see something intraoperatively that is remarkable or peculiar, consistent with a given unrelated disease process, and needs to be addressed).
        
        Seems congruent to me to receive informed consent in writing instead of assuming consent.
    2. sloopyinca 13 years ago
      
      What if she consents to sleep sex before falling asleep?
      
      What if she's a sleepwalker and the raper thinks she's awake? What if she comes on to people while asleep? What if she climbs on top of her partner while both are asleep and proceeds to rouse, and arouse, him into action?
      
      I'm sorry, but this is a can of worms the California legislature needs to spend time investigating...about an entire session devoted to it would be a good idea.
      1. robc 13 years ago
        
        Do you really want to deal with the results if they actually spent a session on that?
        
        Do you realize how much the high-speed sleep sex train is going to cost you?
        
        sloopyinca 13 years ago
        
        I was originally thinking the session would only result in 1 bad law, but your hypotheses terrifies me beyond belief.
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

The U.S. economy added 155,000 new jobs in December according to government statistics.

Are we no longer reporting the revisions? While I've read wildly differing job figures over the past few months, I don't remember seeing anything marked as revised.
1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
  
  We've always been at war with jobsasia.
sarcasmic 13 years ago

Cops lure women into cars and threaten to take them to jail if they don't suck dick.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....years.html
Didn't say if they got a paid vacation or not.
1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
  
  Police officials told the Times that Valenzuela, a 15-year department veteran, and James Nichols, a 12-year veteran, were expected to be assigned to their homes pending the investigation's outcome.
  
  Well that's OK then
  1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
    
    Well, in the department's defense, I'm sure their homes are high crime areas.
    1. sloopyinca 13 years ago
      
      Why are they high crime areas? Are they forcing their neighbors to suck their dicks also?
      
      Seriously, if a cop moved in next door to me, I'd probably put my house up for sale.
      1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        I was implying because the cops would be in them.
  2. Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago
    
    Assigned to their homes? What the hell does that mean?
    1. sarcasmic 13 years ago
      
      It probably means paid staycation, but I'm not sure.
2. Jerry on the road 13 years ago
  
  She should have given him the finger.
sarcasmic 13 years ago

Julianne Hough still has nice legs.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....horts.html
invisible furry hand 13 years ago

"I'm probably such a racist, but a black man dressed as Santa is just wrong"

Hurrah! A bumper crop of new microaggressions for 2013!
1. Bobarian 13 years ago
  
  A black man should obviously dress as Black Peter
  
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DI04VuOYWp8
2. $park? 13 years ago
  
  Entered an informal backgammon tournament (8 players, all men but me) and won my first round. Was told by another player that I was "good?for a woman." My vanquished opponent called him out on that ? and noted that it was likely the attitude why more women don't play.
  
  Ken Shultz plays Backgammon...
  1. Kaptious Kristen 13 years ago
    
    So this chick backgammon player needs a man to defend her, eh? I would have just said "You're a really shitty player...for a man."
  2. Red Rocks Rockin 13 years ago
    
    My vanquished opponent called him out on that ? and noted that it was likely the attitude why more women don't play.
    
    shitthatneverhappened.txt
3. Randian 13 years ago
  
  I think calling out insensitive behavior is one thing, but maaaan those people can stretch anything into an alleged grievance.
  1. Rich 13 years ago
    
    "Microaggression is only a problem now because people continue to think they're offended."
4. Warty 13 years ago
  
  "Hey baby, how much for you and your sister!"
  
  Shouted at me (bisexual low femme) and a genderqueer friend by men in a car just down the street from my house Angry, unsafe, ready to fight
  
  January 1, 2013 | 0 comments
  
  What's "low femme"?
  1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
    
    i think the idea is that the butch / femme dyke distinction can be further refined into high / low femme (think quasi drag queen vs basic girly girl). Not sure if there's high / low butch. Not sure I want to know either. It really is rather difficult keeping up with these girls
    1. Randian 13 years ago
      
      i think the idea is that the butch / femme dyke distinction can be further refined into high / low femme (think quasi drag queen vs basic girly girl). Not sure if there's high / low butch.
      
      Jesus Christ it's like Sexual Politics meets D&D
      1. $park? 13 years ago
        
        Are we going to start seeing Lawful Queer and Chaotic Dyke showing up in our games?
      2. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        +2 Ring of Not Giving A Shit
        
        Warty 13 years ago
        
        +5 Sawzall Dildo of Shocking
        
        mnarayan 13 years ago
        
        I vaguely remember only vorpal weapons being +5. Though I guess a vorpal dildo would be pretty intense.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        "What's that noise? Are you snicker-snacking in there?"
        
        hamilton 13 years ago
        
        The Holy Avenger was +5. Um, just saying, is all.
    2. Rich 13 years ago
      
      You seem to know about this stuff, ifh.
      
      Can a high femme also be a stone femme?
      1. Randian 13 years ago
        
        You know, if people spent as much time working as they did crafting arcane yet irrelevant identities, we'd all be millionaires.
        
        Rich 13 years ago
        
        MICROAGGRESSOR!!
        
        Randian 13 years ago
        
        Don't marginalize be. There's nothing 'micro' about my aggressions.
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        "Be" verbs are the worst and best used sparingly.-D
      2. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        These are the sorts of questions that should only be answered by a professional
        
        Rich 13 years ago
        
        Apparently you're a low professional.
      3. Enough About Palin 13 years ago
        
        There are no stone femmes.
    3. AuH2O 13 years ago
      
      There is a "soft butch". Instead of a suit, tie, and no tits, think sort of girly-looking, but in a modern action movie sort of way.
      
      Like, cargo pants and a tank top.
  2. tarran 13 years ago
    
    You start with a femme, and then you replace the tires with ones that are an inch less in diameter and do some work on the underside so that hitting a pothole won't rip off the entire exhaust system.
    1. Randian 13 years ago
      
      All my friends
      know the low femmer
      The low femmer
      is a little crier
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        I've got femmes in low places
        Where the queerbois drown,
        And teh ghey chases my blues away
  3. Randian 13 years ago
    
    I don't even see how that's supposed to be a microaggression against a minority.
    
    I mean, it's rude and kind of jarring (I've had dudes yell out of cars at me and it's weird) but if he's calling you two low-femme genderqueer folkken women and you want to look like women, then what the hell?
    1. SugarFree 13 years ago
      
      and a genderqueer friend
      
      She is unclear, but this might refer to a born-male dressed like a woman. There's no kind of huffy like huffy produced when people can't read the nearly-non-existent cues you choose to present.
      
      "I'm a skate punk, not a crusty punk! Waa!"
      1. Randian 13 years ago
        
        Bingo. You hit the nail.
        
        This is why I say that offense should be correlated to the intent behind the offender, and you can't say the offender intended to insult you when the thing your offended over is his failure to read your mind
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        you can't say the offender intended to insult you when the thing your offended over is his failure to read your mind
        
        Don't know much about women, do you?
        
        [ducks, run out of room, proves why there are no women libertarians without cunting up the place]
  4. Redmanfms 13 years ago
    
    genderqueer
    
    What's "genderqueer?"
    1. SugarFree 13 years ago
      
      A deliberate problematization of your gender display, but one that falls short of exterior asexuality.
      1. Randian 13 years ago
        
        Er, but also somehow falls short of wholesale adopting the "other" gender, right?
        
        That's the one thing that bothers me about genderqueer - they define themselves by what they're NOT.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Yes, it falls sort of cross-dressing. Pat from SNL is their patron deity.
      2. Rich 13 years ago
        
        Wow. No wonder people get Ph.D.s in Gender Studies.
      3. Redmanfms 13 years ago
        
        A deliberate problematization of your gender display, but one that falls short of exterior asexuality.
        
        That makes no sense whatso-fucking-ever.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        You're--say--a girl, but you dress like neither a girl or a boy on purpose and do what you can to not identify yourselves as either, but you don't go so far as to completely obscure sexual characteristics--you don't strap your breasts flat or attempt to fake having facial hair.
        
        Redmanfms 13 years ago
        
        Ok.
        
        Do people do this shit just to be assholes? Is it some kind of scam to generate microaggressions about which they can later complain?
        
        Randian 13 years ago
        
        Redman, people who play with sociological gender stereotypes may be doing it because they feel like it or because it feels 'natural' to them (that is, they feel more like themselves when they do it), not necessarily to piss off the squares.
        
        That said, I agree that there is a contingent that gets uppity about the fact that we can't read minds, and that sets off the Randian Rage-O-Matic.
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Genderqueering may not be a deliberate bid to piss people off, but the closely related genderfucking is overtly that. It seeks to transgress gender expectations and confront assumptions in society. So brave!
        
        They used to just call that childishness.
        
        Randian 13 years ago
        
        I feel sort of like an old-fashioned second-wave feminist must feel about third-wavers. I'm all in on people who are gay, bi, lesbian, experimental, fisters, fetishists of all types, I think Dan Savage in general and GGG in particular is great. Hey, I even get and understand butch/femme and bear/twink.
        
        But genderqueering/fucking, high/low femme / stone femme blah blah blah? Fuck that shit.
        
        nicole 13 years ago
        
        I'm very "who the fuck cares?" on all of it, and all the associated problems just seem to be the product of identity politics to me. Everyone has to have a group, and if you get their group wrong, they're really pissed (as SF says above). How about you just don't worry so much about having a fucking group that represents exactly what and who you are, because that is impossible and retarded?
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        How about you just don't worry so much about having a fucking group that represents exactly what and who you are, because that is impossible and retarded?
        
        That would be the logical thing to do, nicole. However, when things like employment and other relevant situations are involved, in keeping with the D&D theme, out comes a freshly brandished +2 Axe of Perpetual Dullness. The expectation is that because someone finds that gender role or identity normal for themselves, others must be forced to accept it and validate it, legally if necessary.
        
        mr simple 13 years ago
        
        Being called "hearing impared," instead of deaf or hard of hearing.
        
        The term "hearing impaired" seems silly to be upset over, but when used over and over to describe you, you begin to believe that you are indeed broken instead of just different. I fight against the use of this word everyday.
        
        That term you started using just to make everyone happy? Yeah, that's offensive now.
  5. John Henry 13 years ago
    
    What's a low femme?
    
    A femme lesbian who is, pershaps, not quite so stereotypically feminine as a high femme, usually preferring jeans and a blouse or t-shirt to skirts for everyday. Also known as a blue jeans femme.
    1. Brett L 13 years ago
      
      Shit, I've been dating straight low femmes for years.
    2. Randian 13 years ago
      
      See, again, that's defining people by what they aren't. And that's annoying. So if my wife prefers jeans and a blouse or t-shirt to skirts for every day wear, what, she's a 'low femme' now? But she's straight so she doesn't get to join the vaunted genderfucking club.
  6. seguin 13 years ago
    
    Jibbery style oinkery what make no sense t'all.
5. rac3rx 13 years ago
  
  "You can stop by the next time your husband takes you to New York."
  
  I don't even know what this is supposed to mean.
  1. Rich 13 years ago
    
    This microaggression is based on the alleged assumption that the woman is too whatever to go to NY on her own.
    
    The fact that you don't understand this is microaggressive in itself.
Fist of Etiquette 13 years ago

Switzerland's oldest bank is closing after pleading guilty in U.S. court to helping Americans avoid their taxes.

Should have sold it to Al-Jazeera.
1. Drake 13 years ago
  
  Looks like Wegelin is being sold not "closing". I assume they had U.S. branches - foolishly giving American regulators a shot at them.
  
  http://www.bloomberg.com/news/.....-case.html
  1. np 13 years ago
    
    Looks like it's both:
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-20907359
    
    The rushed sale protected Wegelin's non-US clients from the fall-out of any legal battle, and reflected fears that few clients would want to continue doing business with a bank being pursued by the US anyway.
    
    The businesses were bought by Raiffeisen Bank, Switzerland's co-operative bank, which has since severed the few business ties that it had with the US.
    
    The sale left Wegelin responsible only for its American clients, including those at the centre of the US authorities' probe.
    1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
      
      Seems like they could have figured out some way to screw over America. WTF, Switzerland, you're not even trying.
      1. Drake 13 years ago
        
        I bet there are many Americans who will get screwed.
        
        Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        Yeah, but that's different than the institutional screwing that I figured they'd be capable of.
invisible furry hand 13 years ago

Unless she's othering Black Dennis, Nancy Pelosi will fuck up the 30 Rock finale
1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
  
  They did it.
  
  They actually did it.
  
  They figured out a way to make that show less funny than it already is.
2. Bobarian 13 years ago
  
  To be fair, Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey have been fucking up 30 Rock for years.
  1. sloopyinca 13 years ago
    
    What the fuck is a "30 Rock"?
The Late P Brooks 13 years ago

Who the fuck listens to Newt Kwan Yew?
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

Fred Barnes: The President Who Wants It All
The essence of bipartisan deals is win-win: Both sides are satisfied. Obama's approach is he alone wins.
http://online.wsj.com/article/.....on_LEADTop

"Each president defined these deals as success, as principled compromises,"Keith Hennessey, Mr. Bush's chief domestic policy adviser, noted recently, "and both parties shared the credit."

Not so the stopgap bill signed Tuesday by President Obama to avert the fiscal cliff and spare most taxpayers from paying income taxes at a higher rate. It left Republicans despondent, Democrats not quite thrilled, and represented Mr. Obama's latest failure to achieve a major bipartisan agreement. It fell short, he said, of "my preference" for "a larger agreement, a bigger deal, a grand bargain."

Indeed, it fell way, way short.
1. Ted S. 13 years ago
  
  The president wants it all?
2. VG Zaytsev 13 years ago
  
  The republicans really need to stop acting like such whiny pussies.
  
  They got most of the Bush tax cuts made 'permanent', got a permanent fix on the AMT and got the death tax exemption raised.
  1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
    
    That's like saying that penguins should stop acting like flightless birds or something.
    1. VG Zaytsev 13 years ago
      
      It's the stupidest public relations fail that I can remember. They basically got 90% of what they wanted on taxes but are acting all butt hurt and demoralizing their own base through self flagellation.
      
      Just declare victory and STFU already.
      1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
        
        Let's face it, if they were competent politicians at all, they'd have the White House.
        
        VG Zaytsev 13 years ago
        
        Good point.
3. Spartacus 13 years ago
  
  There are no win-wins when you're campaigning. One person wins, the others lose. And since Obama has never done anything other than campaign, it's no surprise that he views everything that way.
  1. wareagle 13 years ago
    
    yup...the campaigner in chief knows no other way. I used to hope it would dawn on him that he actually had the job and could quit stumping for it. Then, it dawned on me that he's like the proverbial dog chasing the car - no idea what to do if he ever caught it, so he just chases for its own sake.
sarcasmic 13 years ago

Ballsy Denny's manager kicks out cops for being armed.
http://stlouis.cbslocal.com/20.....ing-armed/
No news yet on how they retaliated, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.
1. Tim 13 years ago
  
  Also yesterday.
  1. Kool 13 years ago
    
    Sarc, here:
    1. Kool 13 years ago
      
      Fucking SF'd
      Sarc, here:
      
      the Chief says no Denny's
      1. Kool 13 years ago
        
        And we linked to the same article. Good that I read yours before posting, right?
        
        NEED MOAR COFFEE
        
        Ted S. 13 years ago
        
        And while I was typing up my post, both of you responded to each other to say the same damn thing I was writing. 😐
      2. sarcasmic 13 years ago
        
        Thank you for linking the article that I linked.
      3. Ted S. 13 years ago
        
        You know, that's the same link Sarca Smic posted. It's as if he didn't read the article, or Menthol Cigarette Man SF'd the link again, or something.
        
        Kool 13 years ago
        
        Those are all true statements, Ted.
        
        Kool 13 years ago
        
        Also, I will mentally refer to sarcasmic as Sarca Smic from now on. That's almost as good as Longoroso changing to Longtorso.
        
        sarcasmic 13 years ago
        
        Or you could dishonor my Irish heritage and think of me as the sarcastic mick.
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Or you could dishonor my Irish heritage and think of me as the sarcastic mick.
        
        I prefer to dishonour it with dreaded superfluous "u"'s, saurcausmic.-D
        
        Also, Kate Moss is a disgusting whore-stick unworthy of harbouring Hepatitis C.
        
        sarcasmic 13 years ago
        
        Also, Kate Moss is a disgusting whore-stick unworthy of harbouring Hepatitis C.
        
        You're just jealous that my wife makes size 4 Lucky Brand jeans look good while you sit at home and masturbate.
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        You're just jealous that my wife makes size 4 Lucky Brand jeans look good while you sit at home and masturbate.
        
        I am admittedly very envious that you are happily married, and glad your wife suits your fancy. As for the rest, I am the master of my domain and will wait for my Mrs. Groovova.-D
        
        sarcasmic 13 years ago
        
        -D
        
        Dude, what happened to your other eye? Are you a mutant cyclops or something?
        
        Ted S. 13 years ago
        
        I mentally refer to Tim Cavanaugh as Tim Cavana Ugh.
        
        $park? 13 years ago
        
        Just imagine Christopher Walken reading sarcasmisc's posts.
        
        Enough About Palin 13 years ago
        
        I prefer Sarca's Mic.
SugarFree 13 years ago

Why Are Dogs Racist?

Dogs: why are they so racist? You know the type: prancing along as merry as can be until a human of a certain skin tone walks by, and then?bang!?all the barking and snarling and biting. It's been a source of uncomfortable comedy for years. Some dogs are just racist. But why? We turned to the real live dog psychology experts to find out.

I imagine some hipster hand-wringing over whether cats are ageist is next. Or why goldfish hate fatties.
1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
  
  I once met a homophobic slug.
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    I think the important part is that SIV let you leave with your life.
  2. gaijin 13 years ago
    
    Gerbils, on the other hand...
    1. Whiterun Guard 13 years ago
      
      We're all pink on the inside.
2. sarcasmic 13 years ago
  
  One of my wife's snakes is sexist. The thing hates men. She and any of her female friends can handle it just fine, but when I or any other man comes near the thing will start to strike. Seriously. A sexist boa.
  1. Tim 13 years ago
    
    "One of my wife's snakes is sexist. "
    
    This is disturbing in ways you did not anticipate.
    1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      I am now convinced sarc is married to Medusa.
  2. Restoras 13 years ago
    
    So, your wife is MEdusa?
    1. sarcasmic 13 years ago
      
      She likes to rescue pets, and as a result I live in a zoo. We just got another dog yesterday. So that makes two dogs, three cats, a rat, several snakes (one of which is a rescued boa that hates men), a toad, a couple salamanders, a couple scorpions, and some tarantulas. Never a dull moment.
      1. Tim 13 years ago
        
        So do you hide your weed in with the tarantulas? The scorpions or the Boas?
      2. AlmightyJB 13 years ago
        
        I'm guessing that the boa likes women because they're easier to digest.
      3. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        are any of these dogs pregnant? if so, there could be a payday for you
        
        https://twitter.com/FindPregnantDog
    2. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      PWND
3. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
  
  Nonsense. The next kerfuffle will be over whether or not pigeons purposefully aim at pedestrians.
  
  Or why boas are clearly homophobic.
4. Ted S. 13 years ago
  
  Frankly, I don't know the type.
5. tarran 13 years ago
  
  I had a racist dog.
  
  It was incredibly frustrating. He'd even attack black men's faces on the TV. He also hated bicyclists - although I was able to train him out of that.
  
  He was a year-old stray living on the streets of Chelmsford when he got picked up by animal control, so no idea why he was that way. Obviously there was some trauma.
  
  He did mellow a bit with age, eventually you could watch James Earl Jones or Yaphet Kotto in a movie without having the crate him.
  1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
    
    Well, at least he appreciated the great ones.
    
    The true test: Did your dog try to attack the teevee when Darth Vader spoke or when you turned on CNN?
    1. tarran 13 years ago
      
      Nope. He would run into the room to search the TV screen if he heard something that told him a hated enemy was about to be shown on the TV and only attack the visual target. I can't recall if the voice of James Earl Jones was one of those triggers. It could have been though, because he'd come blasting into the room to glare at the TV frequently.
      
      The list of crap he would attack on the TV was pretty impressive now that I consider it.
      
      He hated animals. he had all the ad jingles memorized associated with animals. He hated some individuals as well. He hated the shows that showed lots of animals and memorized their opening jingles.
      
      I put him in his crate so much that he developed this Pavlovian thing where he'd charge into the room, snarling, lock eyes with me, and go into his crate and sit there with the door open crying and whining that I was allowing this unacceptable provocation to continue.
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        I had a cat that would attack the TV when bagpipes were played. I chalked it up to good taste.
        
        Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        Your cat was Satan! How could you watch ST2:TWOK in peace?
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        His most hated scene was the bagpipes at the wedding scene in So I Married An Ax Murderer. He was a big, strong cat and almost tipped a TV onto himself.
        
        Brett L 13 years ago
        
        "We have a piper dahn. I repeat we have a piper dahn. Its okay, he's just pissed."
        
        invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        And with that admission, we can be sure that you and your cat have no place in decent society. If bagpipes are good enough for Bon Scott, then they're good enough for the rest of us
      2. Kaptious Kristen 13 years ago
        
        he had all the ad jingles memorized associated with animals.
        
        My dog is the same way. Goddamn Carmax commercials, even without dogs, cause him to become a vicious doom-beast that will kill all that stand in his way, because of the stupid piano soundtrack.
  2. Lord Humungus 13 years ago
    
    White Dog!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhkrvBNnAcw
    1. VG Zaytsev 13 years ago
      
      WTF???
      
      Was that a real movie?
      1. Lord Humungus 13 years ago
        
        C'mon, Burl Ives was in it! BURL IVES!
    2. Heroic Mulatto 13 years ago
      
      Paramount never released this film in the U.S
      
      WHAAAA?????
      
      Tarantino...this is your next project.
  3. JD the elder 13 years ago
    
    Well, you don't know what he'd been through before.
  4. Enough About Palin 13 years ago
    
    I had a German shepherd that hated black people. But she didn't always hate them. It came about because a black neighbor kid would stand in front of the house and aggressively pester the dog with arm movements and staring and whatnot. After that, she hated the blacks.
6. Ed 13 years ago
  
  I thought race was a social construct?
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    Race is a social construct, but racism is all too real. If you don't understand why, you are a racist. Obvs.
    1. generic Brand 13 years ago
      
      Not sure if serious... but my uncle is among those who actually thinks this way, which is sad.
      
      I say: "Why can't people just not be racist? Why do groups need a helping hand anymore?"
      He says: "If you even have to ask that it is evident of your white privilege and the fact that you are racist."
      
      E! True Hollywood Story.
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        No, I said it with the gravitas it deserves, but there are tons of people who think that way. I had even toyed with throwing in a privilege line.
        
        AuH2O 13 years ago
        
        The tip off there is "obvs". It's a phrase lifted from Jezebel.
        
        The more you know!
  2. Stormy Dragon 13 years ago
    
    And dogs are social animals.
7. Drake 13 years ago
  
  When I lived in LA, had a Bullmastiff who hated homeless people. It made walking through parks in Santa Monica more fun and he tried to kill the bums and I pretended to discourage him.
  1. Restoras 13 years ago
    
    To be fair to the mastiff, everyone hates homeless people. They smell bad and push you in front of mass transit vehicles.
  2. T 13 years ago
    
    My wife's grandmother had a chihuahua/westie mix that was so racist it would only play with white toys. One of the most deranged little dogs I've ever met.
    
    It would go absolutely apeshit when a black person or a dark hispanic came in the house, but it was the size of a large sandwich so it's not like anybody was particularly frightened or anything.
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

WP: Iranian nuclear talks need to come to a close
http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....story.html

As the year begins, the Obama administration and its diplomatic partners are expecting the renewal of negotiations with Iran over its nuclear program, after a six-month hiatus. But there is scant indication that a breakthrough is in store. The international coalition, composed of the five permanent members of the U.N. Security Council and Germany, intends to offer a slightly modified version of the deal Tehran rejected last June, with the faint hope that the pain of economic sanctions might have caused Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei to soften. But there is no public sign of that: In fact, Iran has been slow to agree to a new meeting and, according to the New York Times, did not respond to a post-election feeler by the Obama administration on direct, bilateral talks.
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

Are We All Europeans Now?
We need to be honest about the size and scope of our government.
http://www.nationalreview.com/.....ona-charen

The difference between Americans and Europeans is that we aren't honest about our appetite for big government. We hide it through a variety of proxies, private contractors, and public-private partnerships. Leaving aside the Department of Defense, which employs 3.2 million Americans, government employs more than 20 million civil servants. Only 2 million of those are full-time federal workers. The Department of Homeland Security, for example, employs 188,000 federal bureaucrats, but also 200,000 privately contracted employees. Medicaid doesn't employ an army of civil servants but instead pays private employees of medical practices, hospitals, and nursing homes.
Groovus Maximus 13 years ago

In happier news,George Lucas proves that the "Half-Plus-Seven-Rule" is excellent advice indeed.
1. Kaptious Kristen 13 years ago
  
  Fuck George Lucas, and not in a good way.
  1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
    
    In former Soviet Ukraine, George Lucas fuu...ew, never mind.
    
    Also, Kristen dear, the proper Yakov joke syntax always end with "YOU", e.g. "In former Soviet Russia, keyboard lays out YOU!"
    1. Kaptious Kristen 13 years ago
      
      I ain't no Yakov Smirnoff - I'm merely stealing and modifying his ideers 😛
      1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        I ain't no Yakov Smirnoff
        
        Thank you for the best laugh I have had in a couple of days. That was...unintentionally hilarious.-D
2. SugarFree 13 years ago
  
  I guess she's only seen The Phantom Edit.
  1. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
    
    Or thinks the Phantom Menace is what he keeps in his underpants
    1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      May The Farce be with her, then.
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

Saudi jets bolster US drone attacks on Yemen: report
http://www.france24.com/en/201.....men-report

Saudi Arabia has provided fighter jets to assist the United States with its drone strikes against Al-Qaeda targets in Yemen, the London Times reported on Friday.

US drones are backing Yemeni forces combating militants of Al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP). The group's Yemen branch is considered by Washington to be the most active and deadliest franchise of the global jihadist network.

The Times cited a US intelligence source as saying that "some of the so-called drone missions are actually Saudi Air Force missions".
1. T 13 years ago
  
  Well, given that we sold them the planes & the missiles, and trained the pilots, it's only fair for them to help out a little every now and then.
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

Squash Holds Decapitated King Louis XVI's Blood
http://www.livescience.com/259.....id=dlvr.it

More than 200 years ago, France's King Louis XVI was killed (along with his wife, Marie Antoinette) via guillotine, and legend has it someone used a handkerchief to soak up the king's blood, then stored the handkerchief in a gourd.

Now scientists have confirmed that a squash emblazoned with figures from the French Revolution indeed contains the dried blood of the executed king.
1. hamilton 13 years ago
  
  The acorn squash of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of tyrants.
2. Tim 13 years ago
  
  Can we use it to grow a French version of that thing from Little Shop of Horrors?
3. Citizen Nothing 13 years ago
  
  Now that it has confirmed the blood came from Louis XVI, the team is planning to reconstruct the entire genome of the deposed French monarch.
  
  So soon we can clone Louis XVI! What could possibly go wrong?
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    MechaAntoinette.
    1. Tim 13 years ago
      
      Her head detaches by rocket and flies around lasering angry peasants to bits. When can you have the first draft of the script ready? I'm thinking Uma Thurman in silver facepaint.
      1. Citizen Nothing 13 years ago
        
        "Let them eat death rays!"
SugarFree 13 years ago

Hit & Run Favorite the largely impotent, lesbian-marrying, student-porking, attempted murderer Hugo Schwyzer adds Heroic Fisherman of Tampons to his resume.

Note the point at which he seems to have no trouble getting an erection...
1. tarran 13 years ago
  
  You are a sick fuck Sugarfree. I know I've said this before, but it's been a while and I didn't want you thinking I hadn't noticed or had stopped caring about you.
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    Testify, Brother tarran!
    1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
      
      Worthy of induction on your Wall of Shame testimonials, no?
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Exactly what I was thinking.
  2. John Henry 13 years ago
    
    Tarran, you didn't actually click on that link did you? You should know better.
    1. tarran 13 years ago
      
      No I didn't.
      
      I have a big meeting in an hour, and I don't want to show up smelling like vomit with freshly burst capillaries freckling my face.
2. invisible furry hand 13 years ago
  
  what a bitter little shit he must be to write this about his third ex-wife.
  1. Ted S. 13 years ago
    
    Taylor Seift became a zillionaire by writing songs about all her exes. Why not try such a strategy?
  2. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    In his tale of his two lesbian wives, he doesn't mention a third wife, just skips to his current wife. I wonder if this one was gay as well.
    1. Tim 13 years ago
      
      How many snakes does she own?
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Oh, here's is a picture of him with his fourth--and totally not a lesbian for realsies this time guys--wife.
        
        Randian 13 years ago
        
        What is it that drew me so often to women who were same-sex attracted?
        
        Here's a theory, Hugo: YOU'RE GAY.
        
        mr simple 13 years ago
        
        I was already teaching women's studies; I worked with gay and lesbian students and activists on an almost daily basis; I volunteered with AIDS Project Los Angeles. I was open about my past of sexual experimentation with men. If anyone had exquisite gaydar, it was me!
        
        Yup.
        
        invisible furry hand 13 years ago
        
        So where's the humiliating anecdotes about her? She only merits this rather dull (yet dependably self-serving) article
        
        SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        He waits until you dare leave him to humiliate you.
        
        If you notice, he mentions the third wife in the story you linked, but not in the lesbian wives one. Although he does suggest that the fourth wife (the one pictured that looks 100% straight as an arrow) is the first non-lesbian he dated.
        
        As a failed writer, I am fascinated by real life people you could never write as a character because they would be far too unbelievable.
    2. nicole 13 years ago
      
      Hey, that's only a tale of one lesbian wife. "After a disastrous and brief first marriage"--what, is he suddenly not confessional?
      1. SugarFree 13 years ago
        
        Oh, yeah. I read over that. A string of lesbian girlfriends and crushes and one admittedly gay wife.
3. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
  
  Elisabeth and I may not have had much sexual heat together, but we'd always had kindness and at least flashes of empathy. I thought of what the last few minutes must have been like for her before she came out of the bathroom, as the realization set in that she couldn't get the tampon out without my help. From her face, I guessed she'd tried absolutely everything (including, she told me later, using her toothbrush handle) to avoid having to ask for such intimate assistance from a man she was determined to leave.
  
  Kinky. Has Jezehell and Lindy West weighed in on this blatant example of PATRIARCHY?
4. nicole 13 years ago
  
  I don't know whether to feel bad for her or think she was an idiot for marrying the dude in the first place. I mean, you're married, getting no sex, actually at the point of asking for a divorce at the beginning of a family vacation, and then you want to avoid asking him to do the tampon thing so badly you stick a toothbrush inside your vagina. That's how badly you want to keep him out of it. Ugh.
  1. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
    
    I think it was a ruse, and he called her out on it. She was obviously teething. I think she's a fan of Camille Paglia.
Fatty Bolger 13 years ago

The Next Big Thing From The Official Who Predicted Communism's Demise

A little optimism for a change. We could use some around here.

Regarding the next big world event that no one is paying attention to:

When you stand back from all the yelling and the screaming?you can see what I believe is the most important trend in the word?the world is emerging from poverty fast. This is the biggest under-reported news story in the world.

By 1980 or 1990 about two billion human beings were out of poverty, since then another half billion have crossed the line out of poverty; a lot of them in India and china. In the last six years 20 million Brazilians have emerged. When you put all these numbers together?each year between fifty and one hundred million human beings are leaving poverty behind.

If we can continue this trend within our lifetimes, and certainly within our children's lifetimes, the overwhelming majority of human beings will no longer be poor. This is the biggest thing that's happened in the entire world.

By the way it's going to be a five billion-person middle class. This will become the most powerful force in the world. Their demand for our goods and services will set off an economic boom?I believe that we're heading for not just a sonic boom, but maybe a supersonic boom.
1. Tim 13 years ago
  
  Basic economics tells us that each rich bastard requires 98 others to live in squalor supporting him.
  A five billion person middle class would require the creation of thirty trillion new shit gruubing paupers to support them. Clearly this won't be happening.
  1. tarran 13 years ago
    
    Basic economics tells us that each rich bastard requires 98 others to live in squalor supporting him
    
    No it doesn't....
    
    Crack open Man, Economy, and State and read the chapters on production. No squalor needed.
    1. Tim 13 years ago
      
      It. Was. Sarcasm.
      1. $park? 13 years ago
        
        This new year has been having some strange effects on people around here. People are becoming too ... serious. It's as if the very notion of sarcasm has been erased from their brains.
      2. tarran 13 years ago
        
        Sorry, I'll go recalibrate the detector.
    2. Ted S. 13 years ago
      
      5 billion * 98 = 30 trillion??
      1. T 13 years ago
        
        I see you've mastered government accounting, Ted.
    3. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
      
      I may be reaching here, but I suspect sarcasm on the part of Tim...
      1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        Grah - too slow!
2. wareagle 13 years ago
  
  each year between fifty and one hundred million human beings are leaving poverty behind.
  
  and nothing pisses off leftists more than this.
  1. VG Zaytsev 13 years ago
    
    And they're working overtime on ways to keep the poor with us always.
  2. mr simple 13 years ago
    
    Where will they go for third world disaster tourism? The regular places won't have the same soul and smell all commercial now.
Tim 13 years ago

I'm looking forward to future budget crises where, in addition to the threat of national default and seniors eating cat food, we'll be able to add the specter of the Moon's moon crashing down on us.
Lord Humungus 13 years ago

A Pickpocket's Tale
The spectacular thefts of Apollo Robbins.
http://www.newyorker.com/repor.....z2GsrF2DYt

A few years ago, at a Las Vegas convention for magicians, Penn Jillette, of the act Penn and Teller, was introduced to a soft-spoken young man named Apollo Robbins, who has a reputation as a pickpocket of almost supernatural ability. Jillette, who ranks pickpockets, he says, "a few notches below hypnotists on the show-biz totem pole," was holding court at a table of colleagues, and he asked Robbins for a demonstration, ready to be unimpressed. Robbins demurred, claiming that he felt uncomfortable working in front of other magicians. He pointed out that, since Jillette was wearing only shorts and a sports shirt, he wouldn't have much to work with.

"Come on," Jillette said. "Steal something from me."

Again, Robbins begged off, but he offered to do a trick instead. He instructed Jillette to place a ring that he was wearing on a piece of paper and trace its outline with a pen. By now, a small crowd had gathered. Jillette removed his ring, put it down on the paper, unclipped a pen from his shirt, and leaned forward, preparing to draw. After a moment, he froze and looked up. His face was pale.

"Fuck. You," he said, and slumped into a chair.

Robbins held up a thin, cylindrical object: the cartridge from Jillette's pen.
1. Pro Libertate 13 years ago
  
  A "fuck you" from Penn is like winning a Nobel Prize. Better, in fact.
  
  Come to think of it, Penn should start an awards show called the "Fuck Yous" in honor of people of true skill. Teller to host.
  1. Kool 13 years ago
    
    It could even be on a non-HBO/Showtime channel. Just have Teller nod at the camera while holding the award. A nice silent "Fuck you."
    1. Pro Libertate 13 years ago
      
      "And in the category of great Monkey Tuesday stories, the winner is. . .The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay! Congratulations Cornelius! And fuck you!"
np 13 years ago

Southington, CT Violent Video Games Return Program

http://www.courant.com/communi.....4488.story

Other families may determine that games based on shooting, stabbing or running down characters with cars aren't good for their children's mental well being, speakers said. For families who decide to get rid of titles like Sniper 2: Ghost Warrior, Manhunt 2 or Resident Evil, Southington SOS will have a Dumpster available Jan. 12 from 9 a.m. to noon ? and gift certificates for families that participate.

Southington SOS will accept games from other communities, and is leaving it up to families to decide which games ? or even CDs or DVDs ? are too violent to keep owning.

A week and a half ago, 12-year-old Max Goldstein of Newtown publicly called on children in his community to dump their violent video games in the garbage. He is calling his idea "Played Out," and said the message to other youngsters is "Choose not to play."
1. $park? 13 years ago
  
  My son has been playing Assassin's Creed 3 since we got it on Tuesday. He seems to have made it his person mission to kill every person that can be killed in the game world.
  1. Brett L 13 years ago
    
    I like a kid with that kind of commitment. He'll do just fine as a drone pilot.
    1. $park? 13 years ago
      
      He helped the colonists take over a fort from the Brits last night. On his way out, he killed a few then took of running into the woods. Of course he got a little ways down a road, ran into a troop of British soldiers, then started killing them too. When I asked him who's side he was on anyway, he said "I don't know, what are the sides anyway?"
      1. $park? 13 years ago
        
        *killed a few colonists, took off running
      2. Groovus Maximus 13 years ago
        
        This type of dispassion needs...guidance. You can never frag too many Brits.
      3. Brett L 13 years ago
        
        So you've already got a libertarian in training? Excellent.
      4. mnarayan 13 years ago
        
        To be fair...I'm not the AI is all that sure what the sides are either. At one point I liberated a British fort, then had the colonists start attacking me as I was peacefully walking out.
        
        nicole 13 years ago
        
        Yeah. Or, it was designed by anarchists. What seemed to happen in my game was that as soon as you handed power from one to the other, the new rulers became just like the old and would attack you for the slightest offense. It was pretty annoying.
        
        $park? 13 years ago
        
        I've noticed that too. You run around stealing from people and knocking them down in the roads, not to mention climbing all over houses, and the ungrateful bastards get mad at you for it.
2. wareagle 13 years ago
  
  new year, new run at peak retard.
3. T 13 years ago
  
  Max has a long and bright future ahead of him as a moral scold. Perhaps he can aspire to be a politician so he can back his scolding with force.
  
  Seriously, if you're like that at 12, I can only imagine how insufferable he'll be at 20.
  1. AZ 13 years ago
    
    Look what anti-bullying programs have caused!
4. Ted S. 13 years ago
  
  Didn't we discuss this one recently, too?
mr simple 13 years ago

Stay classy, Stuebenville, OH.
1. Citizen Nothing 13 years ago
  
  And he's wearing an "Ohio State" shirt. O-H...!
  1. Brett L 13 years ago
    
    I think he's a better fit at Miami University of Ohio.
    1. robc 13 years ago
      
      You dont need to add the "of Ohio". Miami University distinguishes just fine from University of Miami.
      
      And I like the "Miami was a University before Florida was a State" shirts.
      1. Brett L 13 years ago
        
        Some people, especially in my neck of the woods, are unclear on the UM vs. MU distinction. Although, come to think of it, he'd fit in fine at UM, too.
Fatty Bolger 13 years ago

Filed under "I'll believe it when I see it":

Byron York: Republicans bet on stronger hand in spending fight

"We're making a hard pivot to spending," says a senior GOP Senate aide. "Our view is that the revenue question has now been settled. It's behind us. Now we fight on spending, and we've got two good opportunities to do so coming up -- the debt limit and the continuing resolution."
1. Pro Libertate 13 years ago
  
  The fact that they even entertained the total and absolute irrelevancy that was raising taxes shows that they aren't very serious about spending.
Brett L 13 years ago

I have a grammarian question. Is the phrase "could have swam" as correct as "could have swum", because it is my understanding that "swam" is the active past tense and "swum" is the past perfect form.
1. Randian 13 years ago
  
  It's definitely "swum".
2. nicole 13 years ago
  
  You are right, but "swam" is the past tense and "swum" the past participle. Past perfect (pluperfect) is "had swum" and (present) perfect is "have/has swum."
  1. Brett L 13 years ago
    
    Just wanted to make sure I was still smarter than an AP editor. I still can't identify all the English verb forms, but I can conjugate the fuck out of them all the same.
    1. Kaptious Kristen 13 years ago
      
      I can conjugate the fuck out of them
      
      Oh my. *fans self*
    2. T 13 years ago
      
      Just wanted to make sure I was still smarter than an AP editor
      
      Do you go pick on retards to boost your self-esteem, too? Geez, man, set a higher bar for yourself.
      1. Brett L 13 years ago
        
        Dammit man, I'm an engineer and former software programmer. I'm supposed to be in the Special Olympics of written English. Now if you need translation from Hinglish or Chinglish to not quite grammatical English, we're your guys.
3. AlmightyJB 13 years ago
  
  I'm not sure either is a word.
  1. SugarFree 13 years ago
    
    "swimmied"
    1. Pro Libertate 13 years ago
      
      Swammy!
      1. LTC(ret) John 13 years ago
        
        Swummed.
4. Resto Druid FTW 13 years ago
  
  I offer the following. Passive voice suck. My advice is to write in active voice ONLY.
Drake 13 years ago

Anyone else notice their paycheck is substantially lighter this morning? Payroll tax and big increase in medical expenses got me good.
1. Brett L 13 years ago
  
  1099. Mine weighs the same, the quarterly check is gonna hurt, though.
mad libertarian guy 13 years ago

According to NY, the best way to change a failing school system is, in part, to indoctrinate harder and longer, along with make students even more dependent on their local prison schools for basic medical and social services.

Forcing teachers to pass a kind of bar exam, like the ones aspiring lawyers and doctors must sit for. Extending the number of hours and days students must spend in school, to break with academic calendars formed in an agrarian age. Consolidating school districts; making schools a hub for health care and social services; and giving 4-year-olds in the state's poorest areas access to full-day prekindergarten.

Start 'em younger, work 'em longer. Make them dependent on schools for medical care and other "social services" (whatever the fuck that is).

And of course, they also promote strenuous testing for teacher qualifications, a measure they fight at every opportunity when it comes to measuring their students for scholastic aptitude.

Of course the best way to help the students in a failed system is to force them to take part in the system even more.
1. $park? 13 years ago
  
  Well duh. I thought it was common knowledge that the only reason something doesn't work is because you're not doing it hard enough.
  1. T 13 years ago
    
    The only activity I've ever found that to be true about is drinking.
    1. Drake 13 years ago
      
      Virgin.
The Late P Brooks 13 years ago

When I asked him who's side he was on anyway, he said "I don't know, what are the sides anyway?"

If they're wearing uniforms, they're your enemy.
$park? 13 years ago

If they're wearing uniforms, they're your enemy.

That's pretty much what he's up to. I did tell him that as an Indian, neither side really wants him around anyway. Shortly after that he rode through the streets of Boston trying to trample everyone else.
Sevo 13 years ago

UC law prof seems to have trouble reading:
"The Supreme Court must change the cost-benefit analysis it applies in these types of First Amendment cases."

http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/.....166234.php

Lefty assholes need to study up on ..."MAKE NO LAW"...
1. mad libertarian guy 13 years ago
  
  That these are the people who are teaching future generations of lawyers is scary. This guy deserves a rusty chainsaw up his man-cunt.
  
  And he actually did it. He made the argument that I didn't think anyone would make. That The Founders? could never have imagined a world in which we have internet and TV and therefore we must limit free speech.
  
  We have to grasp that this isn't 1789, when the only ways to communicate were in person or in print. The First Amendment must be adapted to today's media environment.
  
  He's a progressive of the worst sort. The kind that brought us prohibition and eugenics, and lament their passing.
  1. Sevo 13 years ago
    
    He's also be the first to whine if *his* screed were found wanting.
  2. Sevo 13 years ago
    
    Oh, and:
    "We have to grasp that this isn't 1789, when the only ways to communicate were in person or in print. The First Amendment must be adapted to today's media environment."
    Guy named Shakespeare would disagree. As would some folks who tossed some tea in Boston harbor.
    The shitbag's either stupid or trying to be clever.
    1. mr simple 13 years ago
      
      Here is where breakout thinking is needed.
      
      Well, he's all for just making shit up when it suits him, so I say both.
2. Gbob 13 years ago
  
  That has to be one of the vile pieces of crap articles I've read in a while...and for the love of God I even force myself to read Slate.
  
  Nationalize lawyers. I'm serious. I think it could be made to happen. Everyone hates the bastards, and since they created a world here everyone is in violation of the law just by living, then force them to work for minimum wage. Makes it like the NHS in England, but with lousier working conditions for lawyers.
  
  In a single generation we could wipe out the majority of the maggots.
Enough About Palin 13 years ago

Macy's leaves St. Paul

Schuneman's, the Emporium, the Golden Rule, Donaldson's, Dayton's -- which was briefly Marshall Field's -- and finally Macy's. They are all gone, relics of what the politicians and central planners, if there is a distinction, call the 20th-century model, implying that we are now creating or developing a 21st-century model, which seems to have as its only defining characteristic a new emphasis on public transportation, most principally a light-rail train that will feature a stop just a block away from a building that will be closed.

http://www.twincities.com/stpa.....along-20th
1. Sevo 13 years ago
  
  "a light-rail train that will feature a stop just a block away from a building that will be closed."
  
  Just like the CA choo-choo; taking you rapidly to a place you don't want to go.
Red Rocks Rockin 13 years ago

Looks like Mary Stack is now trolling Zerohedge:

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/.....nt-3121847
1. Randian 13 years ago
  
  Do we tip them off or just watch?
  1. Red Rocks Rockin 13 years ago
    
    Just watch--there's enough half-insane commenters on there already that she'll get canceled out pretty quick and eventually get bored.
  2. mad libertarian guy 13 years ago
    
    I do kind of feel bad for them. Could you imagine Albino Native all over again?
nannasin28 13 years ago

everyone knows they'll just cave in the end anyway.SSM2164

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