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    1. Righteous indignation, a bullet proof shield to protect the l’il childrenz.

      1. I just realized I subconsciously used the phrase “under fire” in relation to Sandy Hook.

        Mercy me, I must be an NRA terrorist monster.

        1. Feel like you’re under the pun?

  1. …John Boehner was re-elected with only nine defections from the ranks.

    Now is the time for House Republicans to close ranks behind Boehner and as a cohesive unit roll over for Democrat priorities.

    1. Why not let the Democrats own the fiscal mess and the bad economy? They could easily do that. Instead, it’s like they want to make sure they share the taint fully with the Democrats.

      1. What world are you living in? They won’t own shite. If you recall when the Democrats had a super majority, somehow the Republicans were still responsible for the Dems’ failures and follies.

        1. Well, that certainly will happen if the GOP just rolls over. They could at least try. Fucking morons.

          1. Nobody likes a taint hog.

        2. If you recall when the Democrats had a super majority, somehow the Republicans were still responsible for the Dems’ failures and follies.

          Delaying tactics! Parliamentary tricks! We need bipartisanship!

      2. Heheheheh…heheheheheh

        “Taint”.

      3. Why not let the Democrats own the fiscal mess and the bad economy?

        Really hurts the Dems in Detroit and California.

        1. Point taken, but I think the blame is a little harder to avoid at the federal level. Then again, none of this makes any sense to me anymore, because there’s no way Obama should’ve been reelected, even acknowledging the crappiness of Romney.

  2. In Pakistan, Mullah Nazir, reportedly a senior Taliban leader, was killed along with five companions by a U.S. drone strike. It’s unclear whether military officials were actually targeting a school or a picnic.

    How many senior Taliban leaders are there? Are they ever going to run out?

    1. Keep bombing, they’ll make more!

    2. You can’t spell Nazir without Nazi.

      1. You know what else you can’t spell without “Nazi”…

      2. aziN?

        1. I prefer mexican

            1. No, these are Naxi.

                1. me too…truly the naxis of evil

    3. How many senior Taliban leaders are there?

      Two, I think. Isn’t it always the second in command that gets smoked?

      1. So they’re like the Sith? Always two, a master and an apprentice.

        1. Except the Sith never had scraggly beards.

      2. 2nd in command is a dangerous job.
        I’m shocked people still want it.

        1. If they were worried about danger they wouldn’t be very good jihadi terrorists, now would they? Nobody joins Al Qaeda for the babes, bennies, and pension plan.

          1. The virgins, always the virgins!

          2. Nobody joins Al Qaeda for the babes, bennies, and pension plan.

            No. They join al Qaeda because someone they know was blown away in a drone strike.

    4. When Al Qeda gets low on senior leadership, they just call someone up from AAAl Qeda.

    5. How many senior Taliban leaders are there? Are they ever going to run out?

      We had trouble getting the senior Taliban leaders, so we moved on to juniors, and even sophs and frosh as well. We eventually got to 6-year-olds, which is where we really started hitting our stride.

  3. 2012 was the second-highest year on record for abortion restrictions…

    Thank God. I need those workers to pay into my Social Security.

    1. Do they charge payroll taxes on unemployment benefits?

      1. Yeah, they’re probably going to need to start doing that if they don’t already.

  4. Slate Double X: Single mothers are better for kids.

    Of course I doubt this means the feminists will be calling for the abolition of child support from fathers.

    1. The kids get that magical quality: grit.

      AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      What does that even mean?

      1. It means, you know, they get grit…

        True Grit…

        Like the Duke.

        1. So they catch the gay then?

          1. I truly hope you aren’t calling the Duke’s sexual preferences into question?

            My wife did that once…

            …ONCE!

              1. OMFG!

                Well I’ll tell ya pilgrim… If ya don’t get down offa that horse I’m a gonna fuck ya up the ass.

              2. fag
                I thought they were what killed him?

                1. That and the fallout.

                  1. Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it’s bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day–nothing. Swept away. But I’ll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

        1. I can’t deny this.

          1. Fuel injectors suck my balls.

          2. This is the real reason you are a monster.

            1. I thought it was only one of many reasons.

      2. You are not my friend! You have abandoned me to a congress of louts!

      3. It means they get a job distributing that maganewspapezine “Grit”, like everyone was doing in the 70’s.

        Remember all those people who got RICH doing that?

        Good for those kids! “Get Grit” indeed!

      4. Why not just name all of the boys Sue?

      5. They mean grits. You know, polenta.

        1. Polenta is stuck-together grits for 5x the $$.

          1. As scams go, it’s a good one.

          2. Note that corn comes from the New World, so no bullshit about Italians inventing grits.

      6. grit, but not gumption or moxie.

    2. Speaking of child support, what do you get when the institution set up to enforce contracts is also the institution passing out free shit to single parent families?

      This

      1. Perhaps I didn’t sell that link very well:

        Lesbians! Sperm Donor! Forced Child Support!

        1. Late last year, after she and Bauer broke up, Schreiner received public assistance from the state to help care for the girl.

          “My ex-partner and I wanted to have a baby,” Schreiner said in a written statement to the department in January 2012, also included in the department’s latest filing. “We were a gay couple so we had a sperm donor.”

          Here’s a novel idea: how about the girl who abandoned the child she wanted pay child support?

          Fucking contracts, how do they work?

    3. That’s such obvious nonsense.

      1. But single moms need to feel good about their situations! Screw the fact that most of the non-widows in the sample can point to more than one poor decision that led them to where they are. Sure, sometimes they marry the dude who turns into a piece of shit drunk or addict from a fun and outgoing guy who nobody suspected of being a fuckup, sometimes people grow apart over several years of marriage, but for the most part, it revolves around poor life choices.

        1. Sounds like my cousin. She is constantly going on about how hard it is. Yet she knew what a fuck up the father is/was and knew he didn’t want to have anything to do with the kid and she still went ahead and stopped taking her birth control and stopped using condoms.

          1. and she still went ahead and stopped taking her birth control and stopped using condoms

            I just…can’t even…

            I thought women only did this when they were trying to entrap a dude? Why do it if you already know he’s a fuckup?

            1. Maybe she thought entrapment would work? And also magically change him into a non-fuckup?

              YOU TELL ME, NICOLE. ALL WOMEN THINK ALIKE.

            2. I think her thought process was something like “I’m getting older and I want a kid and I don’t care how.”

              1. Ah yes, that’s what I was wondering/assuming was the most likely alternative.

              2. divorced five years with two daughters aged 19 and 15 and here’s what I’ve concluded:

                I wanted a family. There mother wanted children. I was a sperm donor that just didn’t work out in the long term for her.

    4. As someone who was raised by a single mother, this is retarded. I’m not going to waste my time reading the whole fucking thing but ‘m getting tired of “studies” that always seem to validate the particular life choice of the people doing the study.

      1. It’s not even a study, it’s personal anecdotes of why growing up with a single mom proves it’s better.

        1. Nothing like seeing your mom cry over whether to pay the iight bill or buy birthday presents to make you hope that one day your child can be raised in a single parent household.

          1. Seriously, I learned that maybe life for my son might be a little easier if he has both parents around.

      2. It’s not even a “study”, RBS. It’s an op-ed by a twit who merely wrote an essay full of anecdotes about how her “hard-knock life” as a suburban single mother has provided her 2 daughters with grrrl power or something.

        1. To be fair, the twit is pretty hot.

      3. Really, all that matters is how good or shitty the parent or parents or other custodial figures are.

        1. Yeah, look at me – raised by my mom after my dad died when I was 12.

          Oh, wait…move along, nothing to see here. Nothing GOOD anyway…

    5. Readers, we invite you to submit your testimonies on why being raised by a single mother, or being a single mother, has its benefits and might even be better than having both parents around.

      We will counter statistical studies with unverified anecdotes!!!

      1. anectodes are a type of data, right?

        1. anecdote even.

          1. I like anectoad better.

    6. Slate Double X: Single mothers are better for kids.

      The statistics on crime, poverty, mental illness trump one mother’s experience (or rationalization).

  5. …though it would grandfather existing guns, subject to registration.

    Gun manufacturers in the state will have to go into overdrive to fill orders. Well played, gun lobby.

    1. It gets better, Fist:

      Gun manufactures in Illinois have already threatened to leave the area if laws limiting guns are put in place. ArmaLite owner Mark Westrom told FoxNews.com that he’s been fielding offers from at least two others states to move his operation if gun control laws in Illinois are pushed through.

      1. I suppose they can manufacture them anywhere to meet panicked demand. It will be the gun dealers in Illinois who will be working overtime while the legislation is debated.

      2. All the manufacturers should agree to stop selling guns to the State of Illinois and all its municipalities.

        1. This. Fuck these clowns.

      3. I’m going to repost from the other thread because the proposed restrictions are that impressively bad:

        Among other things, House Bill 815 would:

        – Prohibit anyone without a FOID card from using a commercial shooting range, which in many cases would make it impossible to introduce new shooters to the safe and responsible use of firearms.

        – Grant the State Police broad discretion to impose design, construction and operation standards that could shut down most commercial shooting ranges.

        – Ban possession of magazines and other feeding devices that hold more than ten rounds of ammunition. A “grandfather clause” would require registration by owners of such devices and give the State Police discretion to impose and charge fees. Registration would require “proof of ownership” that could be impossible for most people to provide, and even registered owners could not transfer magazines within Illinois, except to an heir or a licensed dealer. Transfers of “grandfathered magazines” would have to be reported to the ISP.

        – Violations of this magazine ban would be a felony. Failure to report theft or loss of a magazine would be a misdemeanor until the third violation, which would be a felony.

        1. House Bill 1263 would:

          – Ban, at a minimum, all detachable-magazine semi-automatic rifles and pistols. Remington 7400 deer rifles, Ruger 10/22 squirrel guns, Glocks, 1911s, etc. This ban would include about 80% of handguns now sold in the U.S.

          – Possibly ban all semi-automatic rifles and even revolvers or single-shot pistols with the capacity to accept muzzle brakes or compensators.

          – Ban “assault weapon attachments,” so possession of a thumbhole stock, a pistol grip,or a fore-end (a “shroud” that “partially or completely encircles the barrel”) would be a crime even if you didn’t possess a firearm.

          – Ban all .50 BMG rifles.

          – Contains “grandfather” provisions that would require registration by owners of devices and give the State Police discretion to impose and charge fees. Registration would require “proof of ownership.”

          – Create felony penalties for violation of this ban on guns or attachments.

          – Create lost and stolen penalties that would criminalize victims of gun theft.

          1. Hey, remember when liberals made fun of people who said that registration leads to confiscation? Me either. That totally never happened.

          2. Where are you getting this from? The version I saw only banned semi pistols with detachable magazines and one of a list of other features, none of which looked common. One was weight more than 50 oz, which even my behemoth Hi-Point 45 wouldn’t qualify for. The only pistol other than a ridiculous caliber like .50 that I could find that would fall under that rule would be the Ruger Charger.

            1. From the NRA. Last I checked the bills had not been posted publicly.

            2. It is not the easiest to track down, but Senate Amendment 7 to IL House Bill 1263 has much of the offending language within it, and can be found here. Relevant language:

              “…it is unlawful for any person within this State to knowingly possess a semi-automatic assault weapon, an assault weapon attachment, a .50 caliber rifle, or a .50 caliber cartridge.”

              Now, how are they defining assault weapon? The definition can be found in this bill. Not sure if it’s, or something like it, has been enacted into law into IL.

              1. Thanks, GG. The pistol portion of the latter bill is

                (C) a semi-automatic pistol that has an ability to
                19 accept a detachable magazine and has any of the
                20 following:
                21 (i) a folding, telescoping, or thumbhole
                22 stock;
                23 (ii) a shroud that is attached to, or partially
                24 or completely encircles the barrel, and that
                25 permits the shooter to hold the firearm with the
                26 non-trigger hand without being burned;
                1 (iii) an ammunition magazine that attaches to
                2 the pistol outside of the pistol grip;
                3 (iv) a fixed magazine that has the capacity to
                4 accept more than 10 rounds of ammunition;
                5 (v) a manufactured weight of 50 ounces or more
                6 when the pistol is unloaded; or
                7 (vi) a semi-automatic version of an automatic
                8 firearm;

                I don’t see how the NRA is claiming that most handguns would fit that definition. The Ruger Charger fits (iii) and (v) but I’m damned if I can think of any other common semiautomatic ones that do.

                1. It could well be that the definition is somewhere else in the morass that are the IL state laws, and that the definition is far more inclusive.

                  But at first glance, it doesn’t look like it applies to pistols other than things like the cut down AR’s, AK’s; the various TEC garbage (and some high end competition pistols like the Sako Triace), and the semi-auto Mini-Uzi. I’m sure there’s another bill somewhere that takes this definition and runs with it though.

                  Here‘s the actual definition clause in 1263. It’s in Amendment 5 to the bill.

                  Could you argue that the semi-auto version of an automatic firearm clause reins in all Glocks, as I don’t think there’s much difference between an 18 (the full auto, Jason Statham version) and the rest of the product line? I mean, the frames are different, and the calibers are different, but the preceding link indicates that the rest of the Safe Action System is basically the same.

                  1. Hmm, I don’t know. I guess there’s enough there to make people’s lives difficult if they’re on the boundaries.

                    It would be hilarious (and unfortunate) if the most common pistol to fall under the ban turned out to be this poor little ugly .22. It’s not even black.

          3. If they take away my cosmic shooting range nights, where am I going to take my acid and ecstacy loving dates before we go to dubstep shows?

            1. Downtown Detroit, any old time?

            2. Give Warty a call.

              1. She admits she has made some youtube videos in the past that are not 100% accurate.

                Poor thing, Having worked in a mental hospital, I have seen a lot like her. It is pitiful really.

                1. Now when I picture Rather, I have a new face to associate with the screen name.

            3. I really don’t understand all this talk about going to shooting ranges. Can’t you people just go into your back fields and shoot into the berm you have set up in front of the mountain your property butts up against?

              Jeez.

  6. Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic is expected to make its first commercial flight to the edge of space sometime this year.

    I can’t imagine the probing that will be required from the Space TSA before those flights.

    1. Well, we’ll have to disembowel everyone on return, just in case there’s an alien in there. That’s for starters.

    2. Does TSA check spacecraft?

      1. If they don’t already, they will. Count on it.

      2. Surely they will. I mean, standing back from the absurdity, I don’t see any way there’s no security check on something that can be used as a ballistic missile of sorts.

    3. Can you imagine the probing required when they fly to uranus?

      1. I’m imagining it right now!

        1. BOTH OF YOU GROW UP. There are no Klingons on Uranus, or are there?

          1. Do you really need to make g and Epi the butt of your little jokes, Fist? Don’t be an ass – we have enough shit flingers here? Of course, I suppose this will all stop – WHEN MONKEYS FLY OUT OF YOUR RECTUM.

          2. Well I guess we’ll just have to go to Uranus and find out, right? BEND OVER.

  7. In Pakistan, Mullah Nazir, reportedly a senior Taliban leader, was killed along with five companions by a U.S. drone strike.

    Homeland is real?!?

  8. The disconcerting silence from Venezeula’s Top Men about Hugo Chavez is creating a backlash from Venezuelans.

    I’m guessing the Top Men are thinking of a way to get Hugo to run the country from Havana while dead, Weekend at Bernie’s-style.

    1. Didn;t PK Dick write the Simulacra about such a case as this?

  9. A 15-year-old is suing the Icelandic state for the right to legally use the name given to her by her mother. The problem? Blaer, which means “light breeze” in Icelandic, is not on a list approved by the government.

    I despise statists

    1. I posted this in the morning links

      1. Sorry, wasn’t up in time. đŸ˜‰

      2. So what?

  10. Credit agencies Moody’s and Standard and Poor’s say the U.S. government needs to work a little harder to get its financial house in order.

    As long as that hard work doesn’t involve debating the debt ceiling.

    1. debating is fine…it’s the negotiating that’s off limits!

  11. Colorado officials are still trying to wrap their control-freaky minds around the task of regulating marijuana like alcohol. Here’s a suggestion: Don’t regulate either one.

    Looks like 2chill-E can turn in his cosmo club card.

  12. One time, as a kid, I got pissed off and thought about murdering some guy. Then I didn’t. Therefore, guns should be banned.

    Also, AR15s should be banned, because according to data which I have pulled directly out of my ass, they’re too long to be useful for home defense.

    1. “able to penetrate both sides of a standard Army helmet at 500 meters”

      what’s this about not being useful for home defense?

    2. I guess he couldn’t stab his father… dipshit…

      And there is plenty of use for an AR15 for home defense. It’s nice when fuckers who know jack shit about guns spout some inane shit to get them banned.

      1. Guess I’ll just have to stick with the old M-1 carbine. A friend has watched me salivate over it for a couple of years, and I think he’s willing to thin the herd of his collection for the right price.

      2. After you get a big disaster and 911 puts you on hold because the police aren’t coming, do you want an AR or a 5 shot .38 to protect your family?

        1. A 12 guage.

        2. I’ll take my camp shotgun, my SKS, and my CZ 97B, thanks. The rest of my guns can be split up amongst my friends.

          1. How do you, of all people, not own an evil black rifle? SKSes don’t count.

            1. Because I never go rifle shooting, don’t want to maintain it, and I made a resolution with myself to not own any guns that I either never used or that would be redundant in a zombie apocalypse. I already have my never-needs-to-cleaned SKS, I have no need for a black rifle. Also, I hate the look of “military” looking guns for the most part.

              1. Ah, I see. I have the solution then: the Norinco Hunter.

                1. No, you misunderstand when I say “military”, I should have said “tactical”. Tons of Picatinny rails and folding stocks and plastic and lights and all that bullshit. A nice, simple AK? Oh yeah, I’ll take that. But your average AR is all tactical-ed out and I dislike it.

              2. You could have just said it’s because you’re a cosmo.

                1. Or that it’s because I’m the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown.

      3. If you have any alleys in your home that have any distance at all, an AR is the best weapon for the job. I have shots within my home that are 30 yards long. I’m not taking that shot with a pistol. But I’ll take it with a long gun and eat my target’s ass up.

    3. You expect any less from slate?

    4. Remember, Warty: it always projection with these scum. Always.

    5. The details of the story matter only because they’re so petty.

      Uh, huh.

    6. The “too long” thing is stupid, as there are specifically designed home defense shotguns that are longer. But unless you have gigantic rooms in your house, I doubt a rifle of any kind is an optimal choice for indoor defense.

      If you have acreage to defend, that’s another story.

      1. From the Box o’ Truth website, IIRC the owner recommends rifles because they are more accurate and more likely to stop an intruder, as well as being harder to wrestle away from you if you are holding it properly. Generally speaking, they also have higher capacity magazines than a pistol or shotgun (unless you live in a limited capacity magazine state, of course).

      2. Not to mention that with a shotgun, you don’t have to worry about accidentally shooting one of your neighbors through the wall.

        1. Not to mention that with a shotgun, you don’t have to worry about accidentally shooting one of your neighbors through the wall.

          Au contraire. The box o’ truth is a blast to read.

          Anything that will penetrate enough to stop an assailant, (12 inches, though I’ve read the FBI recently up’d that to 15.) will also penetrate several interior house walls (and exterior ones too, in some cases.) Oddly, the link supports other research that .223 bullets, properly selected, may actually penetrate less in wall board/building materials than either handgun bullets or shotgun pellets.

          1. One of the instructors at my last NRA class (PPITH) said roughly what Dragon posted. I just sat there fuming but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to start trouble before our practical exercises. She was really pushing the wonders of the Taurus Judge which was even funnier, since the defensive .410 rounds are literally just lines of pellets, so you get even less diffusion at short distances than you would with a 12 gauge.

            1. FWIW, I got the same lines as Stormy growing up, from my LEO father and devoted Fudd. Blah, blah, shotguns won’t go through walls, rifles will; there’s no reason anyone needs an assault weapon. Wonder what he’d say about most of the High Power rifle wins these days coming from AR platforms? Albeit with barrels that look like surf casting fishing rods.

              Admittedly, he was talking about 165 grains coming out of an ’06, which is a little different than the behavior of many 55 and 62 grain .223 bullets. I’ve no doubt that one of those will zip right through a house, and resemble that Korn video.

              It’s amazing what actually doing some research will show.

            2. The Judge is a great car gun.

              I’ve seen the judge in action at the range. I wouldn’t trust those 410 shots any further than 5 yards to do the job.

      3. But unless you have gigantic rooms in your house, I doubt a rifle of any kind is an optimal choice for indoor defense.

        I would also like to be able to kill violent home intuders who wear vests. They are increasingly dressing like cops.

    7. Also, AR15s should be banned, because according to data which I have pulled directly out of my ass, they’re too long to be useful for home defense.

      Put it to the test. Pick someone who owns an AR15. Put $1,000 on their kitchen table. Tell the author of that article that they get to try and take that $1,000, and the homeowner gets to try to shoot them.

      Prolly should get some waivers first, though.

      1. If AR15’s are too long for use in home defense, why did we all use M4’s in buildings in Iraq?

    1. Applying FdA’s law of extremes…

      If being moderately overweight is good, being extremely overweight is extremely good.

      1. Your logic is flawless. Newsletters, subscribing, interest, etc.

        1. I mostly use it with alcohol.

    1. So they play football, too?

      1. Monsters play football, sure. They just don’t see nothing when their friends murder people outside nightclubs, that’s all.

        1. I find it a little weird, all the homage paid to a guy who apparently was involved in a murder.

          It’s kind of like how people think Mike “Convicted Rapist” Tyson should be treated as a funny guy these days.

          1. Well, that’s different. Rape is funny.

            Carl: See, you don’t know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. Oh yeah! Rape’s so funny. Until you’ve been raped.

            1. The prosecutor in the Tyson case spoke at my law school. He came across as reasonable and relatively unevil, and I got the impression that he was personally appalled that the guy was convicted of rape and got out in three years.

          2. Well, it’s not like he’s Rae Carruth.

        2. Greatest inside linebacker. Ever.

          Sorry. Ravens fan.

          1. I bet you still whine about the Colts, don’t you? Fuck you and fuck Art Modell.

      2. Apparently so.

        1. Huh. I’m thinking the Bucs should sign a monster from the other side.

    2. If only they would do that for Whatsamatta U.

  13. http://www.foxnews.com/politic…..-warns-no/

    Illinois tries to surpass California as most retarded state.

    1. HA!
      We’ve got Pelosi, Boxer, Feinstein and moonbeam! No way any state can beat that list.

  14. Dear Prudence: Help! My white boyfriend just used the n-word!

    Unfortunately Prudie did not advise she watch this clip from Boondocks.

    1. (Even if your boyfriend had been discussing the dialogue in Django Unchained, he should have stuck with saying “the N-word.”

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

      What a bunch of trembling fucking puritans. Fuck you, cunt.

      1. What must it be like to be so scared all the time? Like John Cleese’s explanation of what it’s like to be English in A Fish Called Wanda?

        “Wanda, do you have any idea what it’s like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing, of saying to someone “Are you married?” and hearing “My wife left me this morning,” or saying, uh, “Do you have children?” and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, we’ll all terrified of embarrassment. That’s why we’re so…dead.”

        1. These people are animists, like you said. They believe in evil spirits called corporations and guns and patriarchy, and they believe that saying the magic word NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERNIGGER will bring ruin down on them. Fuck these primitive screwheads.

          1. [Points at Warty and screeches ? la Donald Sutherland.]

          2. Of course. They are incredibly superstitious morons who want to impose rules on the rest of us based on their ridiculous superstitions. Why do you think they’re constantly accusing Christians of wanting to do that? What’s that word? PROJECTION.

            “Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This…is my boomstick! It’s a twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about 199.95. It’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That’s right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?”

      2. I would have suggested watching The Dam Busters.

    2. I prefer (otherwise irritating statist) Louis CK’s approach to “the N-Word”.

  15. IL cops vs. Denny’s: plainclothes detectives chilling at Denny’s, other patron complains they are packing, and the manager asks them to leave. When he finds out they are cops, he says it’s fine, because that’s the Denny’s policy, but OH NO it’s not fine because now you pissed them off:

    “Upon further discussion, we became aware the individual was a plain-clothed police officer,” Denny’s spokeswoman Liz DiTrapano said in a statement, according to the News-Democrat. “Denny’s policy permits law enforcement officials to carry their firearms in the restaurant, and we regret any misunderstanding.”

    Denny’s sure does, because despite the efforts of a general manager who tried (and failed) to clear up the misunderstanding before the detectives left, the department’s chief banned on-duty and off-duty police in uniform from returning to the restaurant.

    “This was an insult, a slap in the face, to those detectives and to all of the men and women who proudly wear the uniform or badge and serve in law enforcement,” Police Chief William Clay said…

    “This individual was the manager of Denny’s. He therefore speaks for Denny’s, in my mind. This policy effectively prohibits on-duty sworn police officers from dining in a Denny’s Restaurant, but allows ‘registered sex offenders,’ ‘felons’ and or ‘pedophiles’ to enjoy a dining experience in Denny’s.”

    1. “‘This was an insult, a slap in the face, to those citizens and to all of the men and women who proudly exercise their constitutionally protected freedoms.”

    2. You mean some cops were acting like self-important, entitled pricks? Hold on, let me find my shocked face.

    3. I wish I ran that fucking Denny’s. I’d turn the fucking cooks loose on their food every time they came in.

      1. LOL, then you missed the best part: now the head cop has banned any of them from going to Denny’s, on or off duty!

    4. Upon further discussion, we became aware the individual was a plain-clothed police officer,”

      “This was an insult, a slap in the face, to those detectives and to all of the men and women who proudly wear the uniform or badge and serve in law enforcement,” Police Chief William Clay said

      So wait, he’s angry that we “civilians” don’t possess telepathy so that we know when our “heroes” are undercover without asking them?

      1. RESPECT HIS AUTHORITAH…even if you have no idea who he is.

    5. The Kshatriyas cops will not be insulted by mere Shudras workers! Off with this peasant’s head!

      This individual was the manager of Denny’s. He therefore speaks for Denny’s, in my mind. This policy effectively prohibits on-duty sworn police officers from dining in a Denny’s Restaurant.

      And this is a bad thing? Denny’s is too classy an establishment to serve cops.

      1. “Sworn?” What does that mean? Cops swear a lot in my experience, but I’m not sure how that’s relevant to anything in this situation.

    6. That’s because ‘registered sex offenders,’ ‘felons’ and or ‘pedophiles’ are a higher caliber of people.

    7. The hilarious part. Their policy is to lick the jackboot, but the wearer of that boot doesn’t find them to be obsequious enough to satisfy their need for subservience. Let that be a lesson for you cop lovers. You’ll never bend down far enough for their liking.

      1. satisfy their his need

  16. DO NOT REGISTER YOUR FIREARMS.
    UNLESS YOU ARE TULPA.

    1. Never. But in Tulpa’s case. Yes Tulpa register them all!!

    2. I LOOM LARGE!!!

  17. Six year old student suspended for making a gun gesture with his fingers at school.

    Rodney’s parents say they are upset about more than the suspension. Rodney told them school officials asked him questions, such as whether his family owned a gun, without them present.
    “I had to tell her all my video games,” Rodney said about his teacher.

    1. I don’t thnk I could have children without ending up in prison for beating a school administrator.

      1. Single biggest reason I homeschool.

        1. Megyn Kelly pretty much went full retard on Bill O’Reilly and justified the decision by the principal at that Amerikan Pulbic Skool dat teeches 2 red an wriet to suspend the little boy because “he had been warned 2 previous times” about doing make-believe gun gestures.

      2. I don’t thnk I could have children without ending up in prison for beating a school administrator.

        I chose private school, but I’m not convinced that it couldn’t happen there. But at least the private school has to react to feedback, so there ought to be a way to obtain satisfactory recourse. Hopefully. Because otherwise there is an ass beating in the works.

  18. Sandusky victim all mad and stuff over sanctions imposed by the NCAA against Penn State:

    http://sports.yahoo.com/news/n…..58865.html

    1. That’s because it doesn’t.

      I wasn’t aware the NCAA were LEOs or had the authority to pass sanctions based upon non football related criminal behavior.

      1. Delete line one. Misread.

  19. Jezebel: Why it’s okay to mock the “Nice Guys” of OkCupid.

    I don’t know, it still strikes me as rather cruel and somewhat ironic given that online bullying is supposedly a major problem.

    1. Because “no one is entitled to sex.” Right, great. So…why are you unable to extend that principle to like, anything else?

      1. Seriously:

        Generations of children have misunderstood Thomas Jefferson’s line that we have the inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness. I was one such kid; when I learned those words in fourth grade (in 1976, the bicentennial year), I marched home and told my mother that I was owed joy. Mama firmly set me straight on the distinction between the right to want the right to be given. Nice Guys need a similar sort of come-to-Jesus talk to disabuse them, once and for all, of their insistence that in a just and democratic society, hot young pussy ought to be distributed equally to every Tom, Harry, and Dick who demonstrates a minimal level of civility.

        Sex with other people may be a basic human need, but unlike other needs, it can’t be a basic human right. It’s one thing to believe that the state ought to provide food, shelter, and health care to those who can’t afford these necessities of survival. It’s another thing to say that the state should ensure that even the hideous and the clueless have occasional orgasms provided for them others.

        1. Mama firmly set me straight on the distinction between the right to want the right to be given.

          And that’s why I support Obamacare!

        2. What you posted doesn’t say anything, nicole. It literally says nothing. It’s just some gibberish with whining and non sequiturs sprinkled about.

          1. That’s where you’re wrong, Commander Glib. It contains multitudes.

            1. Just like your ass?

              1. No, not like my ass. That’s completely different.

        3. It’s one thing to believe that the state ought to provide food, shelter, and health care to those who can’t afford these necessities of survival. It’s another thing to say that the state should ensure that even the hideous and the clueless have occasional orgasms provided for them others.

          Blind squirrel finds nut, inspects it carefully, realizes it’s a delicious nut, rejects it.

          1. It’s another thing to say that the state should ensure that even the hideous and the clueless have occasional orgasms provided for them others

            Several European countries will pay for the disabled to visit prostitutes. It’s not far down that slippery slope to Zamyatin’s We.

            1. He mentions that next, HM.

            2. At least we’ll all get to watch.

            3. That was one weird book.

          2. I don’t know if “rejects it” is strong enough. More like “strokes out and dies” or something.

          3. the hideous and the clueless

            But all women are beautiful, right?

        4. WTF? Nice guys are simply offering something up for sex. And it’s bullshit that it doesn’t work. It does. With some women. Just as bitchslapping works with others.

      2. Because they have a vagina, and having a vagina gives you special rights because you’re all equal to men except when you need to be more equal as reparations for centuries of patriarchy.

      3. Because “no one is entitled to sex.” Right, great. So…why are you unable to extend that principle to like, anything else?

        They don’t even apply that one to women.

    2. Lord knows that we have too much civility and niceness in this country. Let’s destroy it all.

    3. These are all fat girls at Jezebel, dude. They have been shit on and rejected for being fat their entire lives. Of course they’re going to have a frenzy if they scent a little blood. They have an entire life’s worth of impotent rage built up.

      1. Oh, but Warty, it’s the dude. They got the resident dude to write this one. So it’s even more awesomely horrible.

        1. Then this dude can be an honorary fat girl.

          1. I think fat honorary girl is probable.

      2. I always figured the love affair they have for Lena Dunham is because her show is wish fulfillment for them: she’s an overweight, homely girl that gets to live in Greenpoint and party and have consequence free sex with men she finds attractive all while soul-searching.

        It’s the feminist answer to the Twilight novels for teen girls and 50 Shades of Gray for unsatisfied housewives.

        1. That’s why epi likes it as well.

    4. Because their “feminism” is really just hate, bitterness, and anger. That’s why. They are just like misogynists.

      1. That’s what I said. Retard.

        Also, they are misogynists.

      2. At least Christians love everyone in theory. Feminism seems built on hate as a starting principle.

    5. For once, I agree with the Jezzies in their conclusion, but not their reasoning:

      Mocking people on the internet is ALWAYS the right choice. All that blabber about not having a right to sex is a red herring. Building on that, anyone who exposes emotional weakness to the world, such as “WAH! WAH! I’m nice! WAH! WAH! Why don’t women like me?!” it’s an open nerve begging to be drilled.

      In short, ugly men, take back your dignity. Delete that OKCupid profile and hire a prostitute.

  20. Daimler snubs coolant after explosive tests

    New European rules regarding refrigerant fluid in car air conditioning systems were due to come into force at the start of 2011. The older chemical mix was to be phased out and replaced by a new, more environmentally friendly one ? known as R1234yf.

    And while the rest of the automobile world geared up to make the swap, Daimler refused. It said cars using the new fluid burst into flames during crash testing, presenting “huge risks for those inside and helpers at the scene of a crash,” a Daimler spokesman said.

    The German car giant won two years’ grace as the company making the new refrigerant had problems delivering enough of the product, meaning that the swap over was pushed back ? until now. Cars certified from the end of 2012 should only use the new coolant, while it must be phased out of older cars from 2016.

    http://www.thelocal.de/sci-tec…..OYDkuTAe8A

    1. I’m Torgue, and I am here to ask you one question, and one question only: EXPLOSIONS?

      1. I haven’t started that DLC yet. So shut up.

    2. “DuPont co-developed HFO-1234yf in response to Europe’s Mobile Air Conditioning (MAC) Directive, which requires an automotive refrigerant with a global warming potential (GWP) under 150. HFO-1234yf refrigerant has a GWP of 4, which is 99.7% lower than the refrigerant used in most cars today.”

      “Flammability: Risk assessments have shown that there is no significant additional flammability risk for HFO-1234yf versus R-134a, which it was developed to replace. Multiple industry risk assessments have been conducted, involving extensive testing in real life conditions, simulating many sorts of leaks, using various ignition sources, and simulating front-end crash conditions. In these tests, the refrigerant was extremely difficult to ignite even with very high temperature sources and flames did not spread in any of the tests.”

      Enviro-stupid, junk science at Daimler.

  21. Alt text.. is that a Gundam reference?

  22. Gerard Depardieu ‘pleased’ to become Russian citizen

    Actor Gerard Depardieu has hailed Russia’s decision to grant him citizenship, following a tax row with the government in his native France.

    In an open letter, he said he loved Russia, calling it “a great democracy”.
    ?

    Under France’s civil code, dual citizenship is permitted but it is unlawful to be stateless.

    A person must obtain another nationality before giving up French citizenship.

    1. Under France’s civil code, dual citizenship is permitted but it is unlawful to be stateless.

      A person must obtain another nationality before giving up French citizenship.

      I’m thinking if I liquidate all my French holdings and mail my passport back, there ain’t much they can do to me. I mean, it’s not like Dassault makes drones…

    2. How shitty must your country be if one of your citizens prefers to be Russian?

  23. whoops
    linky

  24. Police say two California teenagers used prescription sleeping medication to drug the milkshakes of their parents so they could use the Internet.

    1. Their milkshake puts all the boys to bed?

  25. Justin Bieber has a new tattoo!

    1. Tramp stamp?

  26. Man wakes up from coma, speaks a different language.

    1. It just sounds like Welsh. It’s really just disemvoweled English. The stroke prevents him from using vowels.

    2. Same thing happened to a cousin when he was stationed in Germany. Went out drinking with his friends, came home, got into an argument with his wife because she could not understand him. He was speaking fluent German and did not realize it. Nor was he able to switch back. They decided a visit to the hospital was in order. Severe alcohol blood poisoning.

      He knows German pretty well, but that evening, native Germans were surprised he was an American.

  27. LOL learn how to drive!

    1. Wow.

      cutthewhat ? an hour ago ?
      Thank goodness it’s a private sector project. As we all know, private sector always does a better job than public on everything they put their hands to. It must just be a matter of time before all the public sector bridges in Canada start to suck even more than this one seems to.

  28. There is a dude that clearly knows what time of day it is wow.

    http://www.otAnon.tk

    1. There is a dude that clearly knows what time of day it is wow.

      I know what time it is – it’s time for me to order whatever goods/services you’re selling! My checking account and credit card info is on the way!

  29. Ronald Reagan’s mid-50s Pacific Palisades house is on the market.

    http://homes.yahoo.com/blogs/s…..20703.html

    (Yes, there’s a slideshow)

  30. Don’t you have anything without spam?

  31. Rub out breast cancer!

    http://www.foxnews.com/health/…..latestnews

  32. Illinois lawmakers are considering legislation that would ban most firearms, though it would grandfather existing guns, subject to registration. Good luck enforcing that.

    Good luck keeping it on the books – they’re inviting MacDonald-derived lawsuits just as soon as the ink from the governor’s signature starts to dry.

  33. it would grandfather existing guns, subject to registration. Good luck enforcing that.VIPER12A

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