Scathing Benghazi Report, Bogus Spending Cuts, Mars Needs … Microbes: P.M. Links


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  1. Those trillions and trillions of dollars in “spending cuts” under discussion in D.C. don’t involve any actual spending cuts at all.

    Fear not, they’re going to save us by building the cliff higher. And adding a cantilevered Rube Goldberg device.

    1. The problem is that the cliff is not high enough. People say they want a grand bargain that avoids the cliff AND solves the longer term fiscal challenges. These are mutually exclusive desires.

    2. Eventually, the cliff will be so high that we hit zero G. Then we can step off it as well

      1. at will. Need edit button

      2. They really do think government spending is the stairway to heaven.

    3. I see that taking a couple of weeks off from my “No, fuck you, cut spending” campaign has been a mistake.

      1. This is all your fault!

  2. Erika Menendez apparently shoved Sunando Sen in the path of a speeding subway train because she hates Muslims and Hindus.

    I knew those pro-Israel posters were going to lead to no good.

    1. “When, oh when, will we ban these lethal mass-transit devices?”


      1. I thought the ban on large sodas was supposed to fix all of NY’s problems? Clearly they having gone far enough. They need to ban medium size drinks as well. That will improve the lives of NY’ers. I think Bloomburg should start taking the subway.

        1. Maybe she was angry because of a sugar craving.

        2. It was an assault soda with a large cap.

    2. Goldman Buddhist fundamentalists!

    3. “I pushed a Muslim [an Indian man] off the train tracks because I hate Hindus and Muslims”

      Serious question: If Menendez had pushed, say, an Irish Catholic or a Black Rastafarian off [sic] the tracks and offered this explanation, what would the nature of the hate crime charge be?

      1. It’s my impression that when faced with an obvious explanation like your hypothetical, authorities have actually been pretty good about invoking hate crime statutes equally (the equality is pretty good, not the laws). The only questionable part is how hard they look for underlying motivations when it’s not a white-on-black (etc.) crime.

        1. Was the last one where the black guy pushed the asian guy in front of the train a hate crime?

          1. It’s just an impression, and again, it was only about the obvious cases. Go ahead and slap a huge [citation required] over that post.

            1. That was actually a serious question ’cause I don’t remember.

              1. Ditto, dude. I don’t even remember the incident.

        2. What if she pushed a Muslim off the tracks because she hated injustice or Martians?

          1. If she chose the Muslim specifically because of his religion I imagine it would count regardless of the lunatic reasoning that led her to that choice. If her thought process were as you describe but it did not influence her specific choice of victim I don’t think it counts.

            1. What I like about hate crimes is that it’s magically worse to hate the victim for their ethnicity, but it’s okay to hate him because he’s, say, a libertarian.

              1. That’s because, unlike your political philosophy, you cannot choose your religion.

              2. I feel like I should emphasize that I’m not endorsing these laws in the slightest; I’m merely trying to explain how I think they work.

            2. No, she chose him specifically because he was gay!


              1. She was rewarding him with 72 virgins. A love crime!

            3. Does either rationale make the decedent any more or less dead?

              1. It’s all about class identity–an individual death is unimportant.

                1. It’s all about class identity–an individual death is unimportant.

                  This. It’s another front the identity politics war that the left accuses the right of perpetrating.

            4. What if she pushed him off because she LOVES, to an irrational degree, Muslims, and thought this one was unfit to carry the moniker? Hate crime?

    4. What about Sikhs? What’s her position on them? Or Zoroastrians?

      1. I would venture that she hates those tower-collapsing fuckers.

        1. I fear that you are correct.

  3. Our massive tax increases though are 100% real. Only seven and a half hours left, bitches!

    1. Is that when milk goes up too? I need to stock up, as much as possible

      1. These fuckers could solve the “milk cliff” simply by repealing the law from 1949 that would case the price increase, but no, they want to extend the 2008 Farm Bill for one year at a cost of $57.6 billion.

        1. They don’t use the ‘R’ word in Congress, it’s considered rude.

      2. The milk I buy is very unlikely to be affected by this situation. Of course, it already costs $8 per gallon.

        1. Please, please tell me it’s human breast milk.

          1. I didn’t want to ask that because I preferred to just assume that it was rather than to find out any different.

          2. Not since the restraining order.

  4. …in a Senate report on the Benghazi fiasco. Expect major repercussions? I’m kidding, of course. Nothing will happen.

    Hey, didn’t the buck already land on a couple of very important low-level staffers? Or am I thinking of Fast and Furious?

    1. Probably wearing red shirts, no?

  5. I think I may have been understating toast my whole life

    1. The Toast song.

      1. He’s from my wife’s hometown of Howell, MI. Used to come back every Thanksgiving to do a concert – don’t think he’s doing that any more.

        Also, “How Many Wheels on a Big Rig Truck”…”Oooooooh there’s…..1, 2, 3, 4, 5 , 6, 7, 8, 9, 10….”

        1. He used to visit the local radio station must have been over 20 years ago and do this song. I would occasionally sing it to my kids when they were little. Was always good for a giggle from them.

  6. Increasingly euro-skeptical Britain could be offered second-class “associate member” status say senior officials in Brussels.

    It’s embarrassing when you’re begging the Limeys to be in your club.

    1. But they have such posh accents!

      “Oh, you English are so superior, aren’t you? Well, would you like to know what you’d be without us, the good ol’ U.S. of A. to protect you? I’ll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that’s what! So don’t call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.”

      1. “Winners like North Vietnam?”
        “I’m tellin ya baby, they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whipped yer hide real good.”

  7. Trojans are getting fucked

    1. What you did there, I sees it.-)

  8. Remember the Matthew Stewart case out in Ogden, Utah? He’s the one who started shooting when the cops kicked in his door in the we hours of the morning back in January. They were there in full paramilitary s&m gear executing a search warrant for weed. Anyway, he killed one officer abd wounded five others before being wounded himself. His trial starts soon, if it hasn’t already. Anyway, here’s an article from PoliceOne written by one of the chief of that department, extolling the virtues of the heroes who put their lives on the line that night.

    1. According to Balko, there have been 2 other raids gone bad from that same department since the shooting in question.

      1. According to Balko, there have been 2 other raids gone bad from that same department since the shooting in question.

        I guess when you’re hailed as heroes whenever one of these things goes horribly awry (usually for the occupant of the home being invaded), then there’s really very little incentive to stop conducting such raids.

  9. The bipartisan report, “Flashing Red: A Special Report on the Terrorist Attack at Benghazi,” released Monday by the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Government Affairs

    Argh! Can there *never* be a title format other than “Cute Catchphrase: An Explanation of What This Is About”?

  10. Scientists say that very basic Earthlife could survive and reproduce on Mars.

    Get your amoeba to Mars!

    1. It would be quite simple to just heave various biotic packages at Mars, thus ending the debate.

      1. Now, now Pro’L Dib, we can’t have Genesis Devices getting into the wrong hands. Than would be disastrous. Besides, do you really want to summon the pristine-eviro-nut-jobs?


        1. Fuck that. I’m calling Elon right now and finding out how much it would cost to collide a biotic package with Mars.

          1. Better yet, go there yourself and drop a freshly spooged load of Pro’L Dib. “Space Seed” is your favourite ST:TOS episode, you know.

            1. He totally wants to ejaculate on Mars’ face, doc. See how much he wants that?

              1. Well, who wouldn’t want to deface (in every sense of the word) Mars’ visage?

                And in private spacecraft! Throw in Rip Taylor throwing confetti, and one has pure, unadulterated, concentrated win!

              2. Until now, no. But now that you mention it, why not my own personal biota?

      2. It would be quite simple to just heave various biotic packages at Mars, thus ending the debate.

        I recommend Jesuit Nukakke.

    2. In a hilarious mix-up, the rover is probably covered in microbes from people touching it and is now depositing them all over Mars.

  11. Holy shit, Howard Dean was just on CNBC, and *he actually made sense*.

    Rough Quote: “I have no real moral imperative to run around demanding higher taxes on wealthy people, particularly when i know that it does little at all to address the real problem, which is out-of-control spending obligations…”

    He supports “going over the cliff” because, as he put it (roughly), “…possibly the only way politicians will ever succeed in cutting spending is if they *DO NOTHING*”

    He wasn’t 100% warming-my-heart, but I was genuinely surprised at his candor and sincerity. Another example of a politician who ceases being a complete asshole as soon as he’s out of politics?

    1. Yeah, he does that (i.e. makes sense) once in a while.

    2. I heard him speak at an event a couple years back. He was approaching rational!

  12. HAPPY NEW YEAR, REASONOID FAMILY! I have seen the future, and it’s hipster plaid. With neckbeards and scarves.

    1. I have seen the future, and it’s hipster plaid. With neckbeards and scarves.

      I would want my future no other way. Happy new year to you too, Doc. 🙂

      Now go fire your AK in the air!

    2. Happy Happy, Groovus! May you score all the hot Ukrainian babes, and none of their ugly mothers.

      Also, fried chicken.

    3. You’re not seeing my future old man. Mine is going to be totally different.

    4. I have seen the future, and it’s hipster plaid.

      Don’t be ridiculous. Nothing can go faster than plaid!

      Happy New Year, Doc.

    5. Neckbeards? You just wish you could have hair like Yulia Timoshenko.

      1. Wow. She looks more like the Prime Minister of Alderaan.

  13. Hello Hot T-shirt Girl. I see you have a new T shirt. No, I’m not reading what it says.

    re: Benghazi … “Expect major repercussions? I’m kidding, of course. Nothing will happen”

    Oh, but wait for Journalists to ask those hard-hitting, tough, *penetrating* questions… about “WHY IS THIS STORY BEING PERPETUATED BY THE RIGHT WING TO DISCREDIT OUR LEADER???””

  14. Another reason to keep close to family

  15. A nice little love story to warm your cold hearts.

    A Kansas sperm donor who was ordered to pay child support for the baby he helped a lesbian couple conceive plans to fight back in court, and suggested he might be a victim of bias against same-sex parenting.

    William Marotta told he might never have agreed to provide sperm to Angela Bauer and her former partner, Jennifer Schreiner, had he known the legal morass that awaited him after responding to the women’s Craigslist ad for a donor in March 2009. The Kansas Department for Children and Families (DCF) recently filed a child support claim against Marotta after the couple filed for state assistance this year, leading the department to demand they provide the donor’s name so it could collect.

    The best part, the apparently destitute (and now separated) lesbian couple are parents to eight adopted children.

    1. I guess we’re not in Kansas anymore. Oh wait. Shit!

    2. Oh shit, not this story again. The Kulturk?mpfer brought it up over the weekend.

    3. It’s all for the children! The state exists to protect the children, even when the parents won’t (by honoring their good-faith, contractual obligations with the biological father)!


  16. There is no better cure for a breakup than treating yourself and that is exactly what one woman did after selling her ex’s most prized possession.

    1. There is no better cure for a breakup than treating yourself and that is exactly what one woman did after selling her ex’s most prized possession.

      That’s OK. Wait until she sees what he posts online, of hers.

  17. Mass Transit Is Like Inviting 20 Random Hitchhikers Into Your Car

    1. SF’d, Archduchy.

  18. The Tolerant Left

    The privileged daughter of a prominent city doctor, and her boyfriend — a Harvard grad and Occupy Wall Street activist — have been busted for allegedly having a cache of weapons and a bombmaking explosive in their Greenwich Village apartment.

    1. For once probably not a frame up, since these two were actually smart enough to plan this themselves.

    2. Gliedman, who grew up on Park Avenue, graduated from Dalton in 2002. Her dad, Dr. Paul Gliedman, is director of radiation oncology at Beth Israel Hospital….

      Greene attended Harvard as an undergraduate and did his graduate work at the university’s Kennedy School of Government.

      WE ARE THE 99%!!!

    3. And of course if this is reported at all via national outlets, it will be all about the guns with nary a word about their OWS affiliations.

  19. Tawana Brawley found living under an alias in Virginia. She’s the one that falsely accused a New York lawyer of raping her back in 1987, drawing Al Sharpton out into the limelight:…..p=obinsite

    1. Clearly the shame of her attack forced her into the shadows.

    2. If someone had told me back then that Sharpscum would have a nationally televised show one day, I would have thought he was completely nuts.

      1. No shit. The man once set off a race riot, you’d think that would have put an end to his time in the public spotlight.

      2. “Sharpscum”? Hey, that sounds kinds of like “Sharpton”… and Sharpton is kind of a scumbag…


  20. lol, I wis hthe US would jsut start minding its own business!

  21. Rockin’ my Choom Gang shirt…..12128.html at the NYE shindig tonight. Wonder if anyone will get it? Wonder if anyone will get mad? Wonder if anyone will want to join my choom gang? YOU’LL NEVER KNOW because I don’t plan on remembering anything tonight.

  22. Sometimes dude you jsut gotta roll with it man.

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