A.M. Links: Death Toll from Sandy Rises, Soldier Accused of Assaulting Child , Anonymous Threatens Facebook

Your morning links


  • rocked it like a hurricane

    The death toll in the U.S. from Sandy has hit 98, including 40 in New York City.

  • John McCain wants to be chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee.
  • Illinois Bishop Daniel Jenky, who once compared Obama to Hitler, has ordered an anti-Obama letter be read from the pulpit this Sunday. Don't boo, it basically says, vote.
  • A U.S. soldier in Okinawa is accused of assaulting a school boy.
  • The LAPD shoots a suspect as he's handcuffed and face down.
  • Anonymous has threatened to take down Facebook because of lay-offs at Zynga. They don't want to see Farmville go.

Follow Reason on Twitter and like us on Facebook. You can also get the top stories mailed to youā€”sign up here.

Have a news tip? Send it to us!

The updated Reason app for Apple and Android now includesReason 24/7!

NEXT: Escape the Holiday Crowds by Flying Through the Bullshit Gary/Chicago International Airport!

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. Looming Tax Hike Motivates Owners to Sell

    A looming increase in the capital-gains tax rate next year is fueling sales of some privately-held businesses.

    Many business owners?mostly founders who could gain a lot from a sale?are looking to close deals before next year, when the maximum tax on investment income is scheduled to rise from 15% currently to at least 23.8% on most capital gains, at least for higher-income households. Many sellers intend to convert their equity into retirement funds or just start anew.

    1. Many sellers intend to convert their equity into retirement funds

      The Federal Reserve will stop them! NO INTEREST FOR YOU!

      1. The Fed does not set interest rates. The market does.

        A common mistake you have made.

        The Fed does set a target for interbank Fed funds transfers.

        1. So when the Fed says that it is buying mortgage-backed bonds in order to keep mortgage rates down and spur a housing recovery, its just fibbing to us?


          1. If I buy one of the few remaining vintage 65 Corvettes I may move the market price somewhat.

            But I have not “set” it.

            Likewise ten.

            1. Holy shit, you are retarded.

            2. If you had an unlimited capacity to print money and announced the intent of buying any and all 65 Corvettes at X price you in fact would have set the minimum market price.

          2. When isn’t the government lying to us?

        2. Don’t be a pedantic twat. The Federal Reserve sets a target rate and adjusts the money supply accordingly. This obviously has a direct effect on the interest rates paid and charged by the participating banks (all of them) to their customers and competitors.

          1. Don’t be a pedantic twat.

            But then what would he do all day?

            1. His nom de plume sums it up nicely.

        3. Through Open Market Operations the Federal Reserve has nearly unlimited ability to buy government debt in order to lower interest rates.

          1. And 30-yr mortgages will still be set by the market – around 4% now.

            1. They’re set by a market distorted by Fed policy that is aimed at keeping rates low.

        4. The Fed does not set interest rates. The market does.

          Right–that’s why interest rates in savings accounts are rock-bottom.

          I’m sure three rounds of QE and the Fed buying $40 billion a month in MBSs plays no role whatsoever.

    2. you mean people won’t sit idly by and accept paying higher taxes as their patriotic duty? Hey Joe, it ain’t so.

      1. Unless all my clients are conservative (I live in MD once again), I have never had one say “Can we discuss strategies that have me paying the most income tax?”

      2. If he’s selling the business, that implies a buyer, so apparently their are.

        1. Certainly, they aren’t taking advantage of a fire sale atmosphere out there to get assets cheap… they are just hoping to load up on their tax liabilities!

        2. So apparently their are what?

      3. Pomperipossa in Monismania, by noted right-wing whack-job Astrid Lindgren

  2. Threatened to take Facebook down because the eveil corporation Zynga wants to outsource jobs to china. Nice Anonymous. Oh, and Fist!

    1. They’re trying to keep themselves irrelevant

    2. Being bizarre has always been part of their charm.

  3. Anonymous has threatened to take down Facebook because of lay-offs at Zynga.

    Facebook is doing that already with its failure to capture the mobile platform.

    1. Maybe instead of acting like a bunch of goony aspies, Anonymous should just wait about a year or two and Facebook will get taken down by the market all by itself.

  4. Whatever happened to a ‘government of laws, not of men’?

    It was a powerful idea because it conveyed a fundamental truth: Government should be based on clearly written laws, consented to by those to be governed by them, and not on the unpredictable will of one man or even a few men.

    So why do we allow Washington politicians not only to get away with ignoring the law but with continually replacing it with the will of one man called “Mr. President” or a few men called “bureaucrats”?

    1. Because de Tocqueville was right. We wants our free shit, our preciouses.

    2. Because we finally have the right people in charge, top men.

  5. Kristin Stewart smiles!

    1. A first time for everything, I guess.

  6. Who ordered the sweet and sour pussies?

    1. Dog meat is also thought to be a staple food in this area of China and people believe it is the best meat to keep them warm during winter.

      “Three Dog Night” — And now you know the rest of the story.

  7. Cop throws woman against car with enough force to rupture her breast implant.
    Several surguries later, nothing else happens.

    1. The comments are pathetic. God nobody can suck the cock of authority like an American. Land of the free and all that.

      1. Well, that is from that bastion of liberty …Texas.

    2. “We respect police officers,” she said.

      That’s your first mistake

      “We’re glad they’re out there protecting us.

      And there’s your second one.

  8. Only four paragraphs, and a great punchline too

    Teen forced to marry cow he had sex with

    1. without reading the article, did this take place in India?

    2. Words fail me.

    3. I see that at the ceremony, the groom passed out and then the townspeople drowned the bride. I’ve been to several weddings like that.

      1. Does he get some sort of widower’s benefit now? Like a one-way plane ticket to somewhere nobody knows him?

    4. Ok, they do have a sense of humor on Bali!

    5. I just read that to the office.

  9. The Department of Cronyism

    You know what could really help the economy? A huge new bureaucratic department in Washington, that’s what.

    President Barack Obama, a man who recently asserted that the “free enterprise system is the greatest engine of prosperity the world’s ever known,” intimated that once he secures a second term in office, he would appoint a Secretary of Business to manage a newly-merged, but still unnamed, agency that would offer Americans that top-down guidance they never asked for ? a homeland security for cronyism, if you will.

    1. “a homeland security for cronyism, if you will”

      So a Business TSA to grope your company?

    2. “We should have one Secretary of Business, instead of nine different departments that are dealing with things like giving loans to SBA or helping companies with exports,” Obama explained …. “There should be a one-stop shop.”

      Good grief, man! Cut out the middlemen and just do it all yourself.

      1. Cronyism works best with a Don that you can petition.

    3. We discussed this one a couple of days ago. I’m too damn lazy to look for the link, though.

    4. He’s not even pretending not to be a fascist at this point.

    5. It will be called minibiz.

  10. Youth continues to be wasted on the young.

    1. That is the worst camel toe I have ever seen.

    2. damn her feet look like those of an 85 year old woman in the heels and yellow dress picture.

      1. It’s no wonder; Shoes like that are rough on the feet.

        I’ve never understood platform high heels. Hey let’s wear things that are both ugly and uncomfortable! It’s the worst of all worlds!

        1. I’m with you, I don’t get it at all.

        2. You make the common mistake of believing that women wear shoe–or anything else–to impress men.

          1. *shoes* sigh

            1. for a happy moment it seemed you were devolving:

              “Women wear shoe not make man happy. Women not wear anything make man happy. Bring snacky cakes”

              1. Me often talk like Hulk.

        3. Platforms are the only way to get any comfort from super-high heels. If a platform is 1″, and the heel is 4″, you’ve basically shaved a whole inch off of the heel height, rendering the shoes about a brazillion times more comfortable.

          1. Great minds, Kristen.

          2. Why wear high heels? You are not fooling anyone.

            “Hey, she is cute and 5’5″ but trying to look taller. It won’t matter in bed.”

            Believe me, your legs don’t look longer with heels on.

            (does not apply to the heel fetish weirdo men)

            1. Why wear anything but sweatpants?

              Heels change your whole posture. They definitely make things look different. But regardless, awesome shoes are awesome, and I like to dress.

              1. Yeah, I’ve never really cared either way about girls wearing heels. Except for when they make a girl taller than me. Not gonna lie, I prefer to be taller than the girl I’m pursuing. Does that make me an evil upholder of TEH PATRIARCHY?

            2. I wear heels to look nice at Christmas parties & such. I’m already 5’9″, so my legs are long and gorgeous no matter what I wear.

              Why do you wear them?

              1. Good reply, both. And nice dig.

            3. Do you really think women wear heels to make themselves look taller?

              Heels are not for height. They are for shape. They enhance the curve of calf and thigh, push the ass up and out, force shoulders back and breasts up and out.

              height indeed.

              1. Azathoth knows things.

                And Cali, I prefer to be shorter myself, but fortunately I’m only 5’2″ in my socks so it’s not really a problem.

        4. Well, it’s worth noting that platform high heels are more comfortable than non-platform heels of the same height.

          But they are motherfucking hideous.

          1. Platform heels do have a trashy look about them, but done right I think that’s feature, not a bug.

            I like these…

  11. Teach her not to sleep it off in her car. Zombie DUI!

    1. No comment in the write up asking why she was arrested for DUI, while…not driving?

      1. “constructive driving”

      2. I’ve heard of people being arrested for DUI for being in a parking lot with car keys in their pocket.

        It’s one of those charges where if you can afford a lawyer* there’s a very good chance you’ll get out of it, but if you’re poor you’re fucked.

        *Most places do not provide a public pretender for DUI defendants. So if you’re poor there’s a 100% chance that you’ll be found guilty, whereas if you can afford representation it’s more like 20%.

  12. Single mom doesn’t leave a tip.

    1. Anything else of interest on the Daily Mail Online? We can’t find that site on our own.

      1. Here ya go; but it’s not very interesting.

    2. ‘Mostly, I think this bill is a fraud because I’ve met very few single mothers who expected to get special treatment for their status. They’re just hoping no one holds their situation against them.’


      1. ‘Mostly, I think this bill is a fraud because I’ve met very few single mothers who expected to get special treatment for their status.

        He must not have met very many single mothers.

      2. I love these type of comments; you see them on the cop abuse stories all the time, too. People just refuse to believe that there are any problems in there rosy world. Politicians only care about making the world better, police never lie and only protect and serve, rules are made to keep people safe, and no single mom would do this because they, too, are a single mom and they wouldn’t do that. It must be a smear job. Fucking idiots.

        1. *their

          Must be a problem with my keyboard.

  13. The NT News sets the bar very high: five different stories about crocodiles on one front page


    1. ain’t she a beauty! /croc hunter

  14. The LAPD shoots a suspect as he’s handcuffed and face down.

    I wonder why they omitted that fact from the original press release.

    1. Um…PR procedures were followed?

    2. As in all officer-involved shootings, investigators will spend months collecting witness statements and other evidence pretending to give a shit and will then submit their findings to an internal review board that will suggest to Beck whether the officers’ decision to use deadly force fell within department policies find the officers’ actions to be justified.

      1. Same as would happen to a civilian unbadged individual.

      2. Since ‘mericuns obviously are not bothered by pigs summarily executing citizens, why don’t we just put this on Pay Per View? After all it won’t be their fighting in the Hunger games, so why not?

      3. Seriously, why does it take months to collect the evidence? They know exactly when and where it happened, who pulled the trigger, etc. You would think a week, tops. 90% of the evidence you need for a shooting is already in police custody, after all. Get the witness statements, see if any video cameras were around, bang, you’re done.

        I mean, if this was actually a priority and they went at it like they cared.

        1. It doens’t take months. But what does take months is figuring out a way to cover everyone’s ass.

        2. Stop answering your own questions RC

        3. They can’t whitewash it right off the bat. That would look bad. They need to wait a few months for people to forget about it.

        4. months allows whatever outrage has been generated to die down. Folks forget and move on to the next episode of short attention span theater.

        5. Unsurprisingly, dunphy hasn’t shown up.

          1. He’s POWERLIFTING.

            1. Shit-stirrer!

              (God bless you for that).

    3. even by h&r standards this one is extreme. Face down AND handcuffed? Maybe it’s my lack of imagination, but I can’t come up with a scenario that justifies shooting such a suspect.

      1. We will probably find out it was a suicide. Those things happen.

        1. Oh I am sure the perp had it comeing. He was probably assaulting the pig’s fist with his face.

      2. I believe he had previously escaped other officers who had cuffed him. So look forward to that being the focus of any discipline. “How was this suspect allowed to escape custody in the first place?”

        1. “Won’t happen again, sir. He’s dead.”

      3. The gun just went off.

      4. The man was a chronic consumer of beer and hard-boiled eggs. His flatulence could be *lethal*.

      5. He refused to wash the cop’s car.

      6. “Fuck you, that’s why” justifies it pretty well.

  15. http://washingtonexaminer.com/…..JPGH6CX-YJ

    Following reports that swing state voters attempting to cast a ballot for Mitt Romney saw the machine check President Obama’s name instead, the Republican National Committee is pushing six states to ensure that ballots are properly cast.

    “I understand that, in a significant number of cases, voting machines in your states have populated a vote for Barack Obama when a voter cast his or her ballot for Mitt Romney,” wrote RNC chief counsel John Phillipe to secretaries of state in Nevada, Ohio, Kansas, North Carolina, Missouri, and Colorado. “I further understand that the causes of this problem are varied, and include miscalibration and hyper-sensitivity of the machines,” he acknowledged.”

    Isn’t anything other than a paper ballot a really bad idea?

    1. Yes.

      Worse case have the electronic voting machine print a ballot that can then later be counted to corroborate the electronic vote.

      Better yet, got back to paper ballots.

      1. In my small town in New York, we fill in a paper ballot (a giant card-stock thing thanks to all the elections being held on the same day) with SAT-like ovals next to each candidate’s name and feed it into an electronic reader which tallies the votes.

        I’d presume they can use the paper ballots to count up the votes if need be.

      2. Actually the most secure system would be 3 pronged.

        An electronic voting machine that is attached to a printer and nothing else and has an internal database to track the votes case at it plus a seperate machine with a scanner attached a remote central database held at the State level.

        The printed ballot has both a plain english readable section indicating the ballots case as well as a QR code type section having that same data encoded.

        The voter comes into the booth, makes his selections, is presented with a confirmation screen. If he confirms the ballot it is printed. The voter then reviews that printed ballot and feeds it into the scanner machine which scans the QR code and uploads the vote to the central database and feeds the paper ballot into a locked box for storage.

        After the election, you compare the vote counts from the local machines to the vote counts at the central database, any discrepancies can be resolved by reviewing the paper copies.

        A system like this would not be impossible to hack but it would be exceedingly difficult to do it successfully because you’d need to compromise all 3 systems, the local machines, the central database, and the paper ballots in a way that did not show what you did.

        1. Ive argued for that exact system.

          As much as I hate saying it, we need a 6 sigma voting system.

          1. You could even take it one step further.

            Each ballot could be encoded with a unique id that would be stored in each system. You could provide the voter with a seperate token containing that unique id.

            The voter could then if they wished go home, log into a website and check that the vote they case was correctly registered at the central database.

            Because only the voter would have the key that tied them to their ballot it would still be a secret ballot but they would be able to independently check that their vote was tabulated correctly.

            1. They won’t allow that, because then you could sell your vote for private money and not just government money.

          2. We need it in OH, FL, IA, WI and a few other states. Not in NY, CA, IL, etc.

    2. I agree.

      Absolutely nothing we have done in the past 20 years on voting has helped at all, and I think all of it potentially hurts (with the exception of ID laws, which of course are being fought tooth and nail.

      Early voting: invitation to fraud.

      Expanded absentee balloting: invitation to fraud.

      Electronic voting: loss of hard copy ballots, invitation to fraud.

      1. It is almost as if one side wants to cheat or something.

        1. Both sides, John. They both want to cheat.

          1. The progressives AND the Democrats?

      2. We obviously need more United Nations poll watchers.

          1. He’s just one man! He can only watch so much!

            1. He has the eyes of Argus!

  16. Sandy Sends Congress a Fiscal Wake-up Call

    Here’s an interesting factoid: If Congress does nothing to block the scheduled year-end surge in tax rates and across the board cuts in government spending, the United States will have one of the most severe austerity policies in the world.

    Quartz’ David Yanofsky writes that without action from Congress and the White House, “the US government’s budget footprint will contract more rapidly than those of Greece, the United Kingdom, Spain and Italy, all countries where post-crisis austerity measures sent protestors into the streets and growth plunging.”

    1. Oh noes! We’ll actually reduce our budget instead of growing it! Oh noes!

      1. Oh sure, you just want grandmas thrown off cliffs and single moms to be dumpster diving while you sit and sip champagne and have your monocle polished!1!111!

        1. Throw another granny off for me while you’re up there, would you kindly?

          1. Tommy Udo for President!

      2. Does the fiscal cliff actually reduce spending? And if so, to what level?


    2. Bring it on. Of course as bad as we are, we are not nearly in as bad a shape as Europe. So I doubt our austerity will cause any riots.

      1. The U.S. will see deficit reduction equal to 5.1 percent of gross domestic product in 2013.

        Ima bet we will see riots.

        1. I bet we don’t.

    3. the United States will have one of the most severe austerity policies in the world


    4. It is truly terrifying how going off the “fiscal cliff”, which doesn’t even begin to reduce our debt, causes everyone to shit their pants.

      We are so fucking screwed.

      1. The outcome is relatively certain, so it makes planning a little easier.

      2. What’s killing me is the name. I’m like, this isn’t the fiscal cliff–the fiscal cliff is what’s going to happen if we don’t actually cut spending for serious!

    5. Let’s just get this out of the way: Austerity is what we’re living through right now, as the government pisses away our money and keeps taking and spending more.

      1. There’s no austerity for government workers. Washington has been a boom town for a couple of years now.

        1. Right. I meant the rest of us.

          I need an investment hedge against government. Could I do some sort of swap agreement with a government employee or something?

  17. Non Union workers turned away!


    If only they would just swallow their pride, and join the union.

    1. those stupid rednecks…what were they thinking with their non-union ways.

      1. What does Alabama know about restoring power after a disaster anyway?

        1. true…no hurricane or tornado has ever hit the state. We jus’ tryin’ to hep, boss.

    2. Excellent.

      I look forward to more stories like this in the near future as disaster relief and reconstruction takes a back seat to union work rules.,

      1. Assuming the lame stream media decides it fits the narrative.

  18. 181,000 private sector jobs added last month.

    Conservatives all pissed off.

    1. Yes, that is is not enough. Long term unemployment rises, rate shuffles back toward reality (up). Bleah.

    2. Seasonal Adjustment accounting for 90K of those. Population growth of 211K per month means, on a population adjusted basis, we continue to lose jobs.

    3. Unfortunately those jobs all seem to involve calling my home concerning the election.

        1. campaigns are exempt. survey calls and political polling calls are not covered by the definition of “telemarketing” or “telephone solicitations.”

          1. It was an ironic award – I got two months straight of f’ing robocalls and pollsters – thank God this crap is ending.

          2. “Congress shall make no law…” strikes again.

            Seriously, having done that shit, I both feel bad, but kind of also hate the people who get all huffy, “Uh, we’re on the do not call list…” or “HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?”

            The latter was especially ironic when I worked for a guy who was using lists from the Secretary of State, who only gets the number when the person puts it down on a Driver’s License or some such. When I told them that, people would legitimately not believe me. “Well, I NEVER put my number down…” I was tempted to one time respond with, “Welp, clearly you did asshole”

    4. I see 171,000, but the rate went up.

      Rejoice asshole.

        1. +1 Buttplug


    5. politically speaking, going from 7.8 to 7.9 won’t be seen as an improvement.

      1. You’re not counting jobs saved! Without our savior Obama that number would be like, 12% or 13%, man!

    6. Less than population growth. Effective job loss.

      Interventionists keep their heads in the sand.

    7. You are a complete dickhead. Fuck off and die in a fire.

    8. 181,000 private sector jobs added last month.

      Number of unemployed unchanged. Win!

      1. It woulda been worse! IT WOULDA BEEN WORRRRRRSE!!!

    9. 181,000 private sector jobs added last month.

      LFP rate still in the shitter.

      Palin’s Buttplug remains a moron.

  19. A U.S. soldier in Okinawa is accused of assaulting a school boy.

    Bring the fucking troops home. Stop giving anime fanboys a government paid vacation.

    1. Apparently you’ve forgotten a little thing called PEARL HARBOR.

      1. YEAH! and you forgot Saigon too!

      2. Completely forgotten… until now!

        (runs into other room sobbing)

      3. Apparently you’ve forgotten a little thing called PEARL HARBOR.

        So put them in Guam. No reason whatever to have troops stationed all over the world.

        1. But it would tip over!!!1!

          1. That man should have been expelled from the House for being an idiot.

            1. Expelled? They probably celebrated his triumph of stupidity in the backroom.

      4. I mean, that justifies our bases in Germany, but I see no way in which it relates to Japan.

        1. You’re on a roll this morning.

      5. Move them all to Pearl Harbor! That we won’t get surprised AGAIN.

    2. “Bring the fucking troops home. Stop giving anime fanboys a government paid vacation.”

      Apparently, the Japanese are afraid that if they developed their own military capabilities to defend themselves against China, they wouldn’t be able to resist the overwhelming impulse to use it to stomp all over their neighbors again, and then we’d just end up nuking them again, so they think they might as well just skip the formalities and keep the U.S. here because we’d just gonna end up occupying them again anyway.

      1. They do tend to take a longer view of things. Perhaps they’re right.

  20. Byron York: In Ohio, Romney battles Obama — and the polls

    Team Romney argued that something was wrong with the poll because with both parties about even, independents will decide the race. “Chances are if we win Ohio independents by six, we win the state,” pollster Newhouse said in an email exchange. “Period.”

    The Obama campaign scoffs at such talk. On a Wednesday conference call with reporters, top aide David Axelrod predicted the president will win independents in some swing states, but an Obama victory will not depend on it. “I think we’ll be competitive with those voters,” Axelrod said. “We may not win those voters, but we don’t have to win those voters.”

    “We have the math, and they have the myth,” Obama campaign manager Jim Messina said on the same call. “At this time next week, President Obama will have been re-elected for a second term, and we can all get some sleep.”

    1. Axelrod is just a criminal. So I have no doubt that he plans to cheat. But even still, unless Ohio has suddenly become like New York and they have all gone Democrat, you are not winning the state unless you are really close among independents.

      1. I’m surprised when he gives a straight answer to *anything*.

    2. It seems ridiculous to suggest that independents will break for Obama…

      They’ve seen the president at work for four years. and if they’re still not sure they can hold their noses tight enough to pull the lever to for him? Then there’s good reason to think they might break for his opponent.

      Obama had four years to seal the deal with those “independents”. They ain’t buyin’ it. That’s why they’re “independents” and not “Democrats”.

      1. yup…it’s not about them being for Romney, it’s about their being against Obama.

  21. According to AFP, the Chinese state media reported that accidents involving sex toys are on the rise “amid loosening attitudes towards sex.”


  22. “Getting Personal: Please Tell Me If I Stink!”

    What if I was the one who smelled bad? What if I had a grotesque mop of hair on my back and had no idea? What if I latched on to the girls I was dating, cluelessly thinking that I was being endearing? What if I ain’t as smarts as I thunk?

    If someone broke up with me for any of these reasons, wouldn’t I want to know? As much as they might sting, wouldn’t it be helpful to find out that I embodied some foul qualities that rendered me repulsive to women? After all, none of the traits the LW mentioned are unchangeable, and the fixes seem ridiculously simple: 1) Listerine; 2) Nair (painful as it might be for back use); 3) a therapist; 4) night classes at the local community college; 5) “Common Sense For Dummies”

    1. OK, Lord Humungus, you really, really stink.

      1. Living in the Wasteland does that to you.

    1. Picture of a flippent idiot.

    2. You don’t know. Maybe that picture is reversed!

    3. Ha. I think that about does it.

    4. I wanted to hit my computer.

      1. He looks like he just left a Choom Gang reunion with those glassy eyes.

        1. Where’s Monica? She’s not there under the table, is she?

    5. Is that Michelle in the background? I don’t understand why people think she’s unattractive.

      I am not being facetious, I really don’t.

      1. Her personality. And it is a backlash against the media’s rediculous hype of her. She is an average looking middle aged mom. Nothing wrong with that. But the media’s claiming she is some kind of super model makes people slam on her worse than she deserves.

        1. OK, that I get.

        2. Guys care about personality now? She’s hot and that just is what it is (and yes, her personality SUCKS!)

      2. Maybe you are just into Wookie sex.

      3. For me it it’s the Simian jaw.

          1. I understand that you’re joking but I have of course heard that in earnest before when I say that. The question is, is it racist if she actually has a simian freakin’ jaw? If it is, what pray tell do we do about Ron Perlman?

            1. Usually, we cover him in makeup and make him play monsters.

    6. Drunk calling while Rome burns.

  23. Illinois Bishop Daniel Jenky, who once compared Obama to Hitler, has ordered an anti-Obama letter be read from the pulpit this Sunday.

    Hitler, eh? Doesn’t that mean the bishop should be ignoring Obama?

  24. Two 14-year-old German boys have been charged with stealing ?3,000 worth of jewellery from one of their mothers, to pay for a visit to a brothel. Police said the boys were still grinning as they were being questioned.

    Caught in a “delirium of hormones,” as a police statement on Monday put it, the two boys got only a tenth of the value of the jewels when they sold them to a canny gold dealer.

    “With their proceeds of ?300, the pair didn’t just buy pizza, kebabs, and have a game on the fruit machines,” police spokesman Ralf Minet said. They also paid two visits to a brothel in the red light district of Karlsruhe, southwest Germany.

    Buoyed by the night’s experiences, “one could still see a delighted smile on the faces of the thieves during their interrogation,” Minet’s statement said.

    “But the little rascals’ smiles, who are not unknown to the police by the way, disappeared soon enough, especially because they will have to pay for the reversal of the transaction out of their pocket money,” he added.

    The boys are to be charged for theft.

    1. The bar story and the VD will last them forever.

    2. “Jah,” grinned the little oberbehfelplayboy, “Ve kicked ze shit out of her mit der shteel-toe boots.”

    3. delirium of hormones

      Nice band name.

    4. “a game on the fruit machines?”

      1. IIRC, slot machines – bars have a few in them.

      2. Slot machines.

      3. That is the gay section of the Red-light District … or so I am told …

  25. Government removes Australia from the Australian migration zone


    1. So wait a minute…a place that was in part colonized/populated by people forcibly sent there, is in fact, going to forcibly transport people who straggle ashore to f’ing Papua/New Guinea?!

      1. Give them credit, they finally figured it out.

    2. Currently, only asylum seekers intercepted at sea or at Christmas Island, the Cocos Islands or Ashmore Reef can be sent for processing on Nauru or Papua New Guinea.

      “This isn’t Australia, it’s a fucking jungle.”

  26. Historic boardwalk and amusement park of Seaside Heights made famous by Jersey Shore totally destroyed by Hurricane Sandy

    Oh thank you so much Sandy! Over/under $10,000 from the Jersey Shore castmembers towards rebuilding efforts.

    1. If only it would have destroyed the cast as well.

      1. That would have been the highest rated show, evah!

        1. Caskets ah heeyah!

    2. Has anyone heard from the Flamingo Kid this week? Anyone?

  27. Where is the entitlement culture really going?

    Does it go here?

    Berlin said the 40-year-old Polish immigrant told investigators that her husband used to bring her flowers and gifts, but she resented him being home only on weekends and that she had to work as a maid, which she felt was beneath her.

    Or maybe here?

    “She said something like, ‘I’m paid to watch the children, not clean up and do housework,’ ” the source told the Post of Ortega’s statements to cops after she woke up from a medically induced coma Sunday.

    1. Sorry. That story is a bit too horrifying to use as a political talking point.

      1. On the contrary, these are exactly the kinds of stories people need to see more of. People taking out their rage by killing children because the job they do it “beneath them.”

  28. If you have children, take them to see Wreck-It Ralph. If you don’t, wait until a late showing and sneak in booze and drugs.

    Seriously, very very very good film.

    1. Glad you had a good time.

      1. Not a bad way to begin my Jack Bauer.

        1. Jack Bauer

          Is that rhyming slang?

          1. It could be, with 24 hours, but I wouldn’t imagine that’s the real origin.

          2. 24rth birthday. Got it from a friend.

    2. As far as that genre goes, it is better than Brave or Tangled, but not as good as Up. Then again, Up is in the running for best animated movie of all time, so there is that.

      1. One that my kids (and I) never grow weary of is Chicken Run.

      2. Better than Rabbit of Seville?

        1. Nothing beats classic Looney Tunes. If you don’t have the complete Looney Tunes Golden Collection on DVD, get it. Now.

        2. Better than Plague Dogs?

          Honestly, I don’t know. That movie sounds hella depressing.

        3. Rabbit of Seville and the take off on Wagner’s Ring are THE BEST!

      3. I can’t believe nobody on here has mentioned the animated version of The Hobbit yet.

        And besides, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut is the best animated film of all time anyway.

        1. I’m a Bakshi fan. Although American Pop would probably be my pick from his work. Of all time, I don’t know, but worth seeing if you haven’t? Yeah, absolutely.

        2. Forget The Hobbit. Ralph Bakshi’s amazing Lord of the Rings is the gold standard. Now fully redubbed and better than ever!

      4. Our family loves The Iron Giant.

        1. That movie is great. Also directed by Brad Bird, who also did The Incredibles

          1. “. . . Superman. . .”–it chokes me up every time.

            1. That and the montages from up are the two movie things that can make me cry.

              1. SAME HERE! And I do not cry easily. Actually, I start tearing up if I hear even the first few notes from “When She Loved Me” from Toy Story 2; it reminds me of my dog when I left for college. (sniffles)

      5. What? No love for Cars 2.


    3. Happy Birthday, Goldy!

    4. I suppose if I take my kids I’ll have to be on the lookout for drunken stoners hanging around.

  29. So there was actually a deadline trade for a rental player in the NFL yesterday (Aqib Talib and a 7th round pick to the Patriots for a 4th round pick). I’d say this is partially due to the deadline being moved back 2 weeks this year. Do you guys think this is a good development, or do you not want the NFL having the kind of trades that happen in baseball?

    1. Fuck yes I want deadline trades. The lack of them make the NFL boring. I was hoping for some conceivable scenario where Dwayne Bowe ended up on the Bears, but alas.

      1. The problem is that the NFL is so over coached that it is almost impossible to bring a player in mid season.

        1. The smaller amount of games also hurts. In the NBA, it is conceivable that a deadline guys gels by the playoffs.

          Still, you would think you could plug in running backs in all but zone blocking schemes, and pass rushers should be pluggable at least on 3rd downs.

          1. I think getting players into a scheme is part of the things keeping these trades from happening, but I think the bigger issue is that no teams want to sell when there is still 10 games left and even just 8 wins in a season can get you in sometimes. Moving the deadline back this year made it clearer which teams weren’t going to turn it around and make a run to grab a playoff spot. I think next year there might be a couple deadline trades, after teams adjust to the new deadline.

      2. I am just hoping for some inconceivable scenario where Devin Hester switches jerseys with another player like in Mighty Ducks 2 so that when teams continue to squib kick on kickoffs he will end up with the ball and take it to the house.

        1. I am just hoping for more sports scenarios where the Mighty Ducks movies seem an apropos comparison.

    2. I don’t follow the baseball reference, but after reading the story Aqib Talib sounds like a douche who should be in jail but isn’t because he is a professional athlete.

      1. I don’t follow the baseball reference

        Baseball has a late in the season trade deadline, and prior to this year’s second wild card, there were always a lot of teams that knew they weren’t going to make the playoffs. These teams would trade their good players on expiring contracts to good teams with a need in exchange for either draft picks or young prospects, to rebuild for the future. This is a deadline trade for a “rental” player (since the player only has a small amount of time before their contract is up). The NFL hasn’t had these kinds of trades in the past.

      2. In baseball, even superstar players get traded at the trade deadline, especially if they are in the last year of their contract.

        A contending team will pay a high price to “rent” a player for 2 months.

        Sometimes too high of a price. In 1990, Boston needed a relief pitcher for the end of the season, so they traded for Houston’s Larry Andersen. He gave them 22 innings with a 1.23 ERA. Boston won the division by 2 games over Toronto. So a good trade right? Maybe won the division for them?

        They gave up a AA player named Jeff Bagwell.

        1. *sad trombone*

          1. *happy trombone* for Astros fans.

        2. An aside, the Andersen for Bagwell trade was actually a waiver deal AFTER the trade deadline.

          It was on Aug 30, so the Red Sox only got Andersen for a month. They used him hard that month, he pitched in 15 games.

          1. And anytime you can take a month rental to lose to the McGuire-Canseco A’s, you gotta take it!

            /John Madden voice
            /Who is commenting on baseball for some reason

            1. My Reds swept those A’s.

              Jose Rijo is greater than steroids

              1. IIRC, Rijo is the last player to play in the majors AFTER receiving a vote for the Hall of Fame.

                Huh, the most similar player to Rijo is Jake Peavy, never would have matched them up.

                Of course, Peavy isnt done so that will change. Next is Sid Fernandez, which is much more reasonable.

                1. Rijo was an 18 year old Yankee phenom prospect. Then Steinbrener traded him for Ricky Henderson, which wasn’t a bad trade for either side.

                  1. Speaking of the Yankees, can we all just marvel at the fact that A-Rod still has 5 years, 114 million left on his contract?

                    And they can’t waive him because any team could pick him up off the wire and the Yankees would have to eat that whole salary. And he has a no trade clause.

                    It seriously might be the worst contract ever. Man, is it awesome that the Yankees have it.

                    1. the Yankees would have to eat that whole salary.

                      minus the major league minimum.

                      The team picking up a player off waivers has to pay the MLB minimum, the other team is on the hook for the rest.

                    2. The idiot son who gave him that contract is no longer involved with the team. I wonder why.

                    3. No not even close to the worst contract ever.

                      realistically AROD will at least be an above replacement level 3B for the next 2 – 3 years at least.

                      Compare for example with Carl Pavano, at the end of the 2004 season the Yanks signed him to a 4 year $40 million contract, over the next 4 years he pitched in a grand total of 26 games spending the rest of the time on the DL for a variety of often mystery ailments and when he actually did pitch he never even approached being a league average pitcher.

                  2. A’s traded Rijo and Tim Birtsas to the Reds for Dave Parker.

                    Tim Birtsas was also part of the Henderson trade.

                    1. My favorite baseball trivia question:

                      What do the following players have in common (and the answer is not that they havent been in your kitchen):

                      Frank Robinson
                      Pete Richert
                      Rick Dempsey
                      Tippy Martinez
                      Rudy May
                      Scott McGregor
                      Dave Pagan
                      Adrian Devine
                      Pepe Frias
                      John Montefusco
                      Andy McGaffigan
                      Ted Wilborn
                      Duane Ward
                      John Smoltz

                    2. I have no idea Rob.

                    3. The giveaway is Robinson/Ward/Smoltz, especially the last two.

                      Unfortunately, its been ~25 years so its getting to be a dated question.

                      They are all MLB players traded for Doyle Alexander.

                      Its a damn impressive list.

                    4. That is a great question. I remember the Smoltz trade. But I had no idea there were so many others.

                    5. Alexander went 9-0 with a 1.53 ERA with Detroit in 1987. Its like the Bagwell trade, they gave up a future HoFer in Smoltz to win now.

                      But its a lot better than Andersen for Bagwell.

                      Like Boston, though, they won the division then lost in the ALCS.

                      And the Frank Robinson trade was the other way around. It was in 1971 after Alexanders rookie year, Dodgers gave up a bunch of young guys to get a fading Robinson.

                    6. Doyle Alexander sounds like the type to always shit the bed in the playoffs, based on wiki.

                    7. They have vowels in their names!

              2. Hell yes the 1990 Reds were my team!

  30. Wanna know what movie had really weird pacing? 1996’s The Phantom, on Netflix Instant now.

    1. You’re watching this intentionally, I assume?

      No involuntary bondage is involved, I hope.

      1. No, this is his kidnapping alert. Like my friend who owns a snob-beer bar and beer store says, “If you ever see me drinking Bud Lime, you’ll know I’ve been kidnapped and am signalling for help.”

        1. Mine is if there’s a picture without alt-text and I comment on the article without complaining.

        2. Naw, the hint would be me raving about a Nicholas Sparks movie.

          Incidentally, Nights in the Rodanthe? Secretly a great film.

      2. I remember it from when I was a kid. Man, it is a badly made film.

        Wasn’t that a weird era in the 90s when everyone went, “Lets revive 1930s pulps as movies!” The Rocketeer (technically not based on a strip), Dick Tracy, The Shadow (with Alec Baldwin!)…

        1. You hush your mouth about The Rocketeer. Jennifer Connelly is in that movie looking like a goddess.

  31. Woman Sues Pantego Police Over Burst Breast Implant

    A North Texas woman who says a Pantego police officer caused her breast implants to rupture during an arrest is suing the town.

    Rebecca Van Hooser said the officer threw her against her car when he arrested her during a traffic stop on Bowden Road.

  32. Mein Kampf: One Woman’s Brave Tale of Survival in Storm-Ravaged New York

    We found a place to eat, but they weren’t making margaritas, which we’d specifically been hoping for. The menu was limited; they were running out of things, having not received any deliveries. Stephen told me that a friend working in midtown claimed it was “like the Hunger Games” down there ? a bunch of aggressive banker-types trying to find lunch in an area with limited resources. As we ate, we talked about how reliant on smart phones we’ve become, how no one knows anyone’s phone number by heart anymore. How, it used to be, if you were trying to reach someone, you could look in a phone book or ask the operator. All you needed was a last name. A gorilla, a sorcerer and a witch took a table near us, and I couldn’t help but stare. I kept forgetting it was Halloween, and the costumes seemed more weird and scary than usual. After we finished eating, a restaurant employee cleared our plates, and about 2 minutes later, he returned with a salad and a burger. “That’s not ours,” I said. And as he walked away, I joked to Stephen, “maybe we should have taken it?” Stephen laughed. “This is the Hunger Games, Katniss.”

    1. the horror, the horror…

    2. rarely is the nobility of the human spirit captured so eloquently

    3. How did we let the Hunger Games become a thing?! That AND Twilight?! Fucking jesus christ teenage girls, this is why we can’t have nice things!

      1. Teenage girls have nothing to do it. After Harry Potter, women–the only people who still read–discovered that plot-heavy novels were actually more fun to read than the latest tombstone from Franzen or the five-billionth Bridget Jones rip-off. They plunged into modern fantasy, found it a bit too dense as well and then started reading at their grade level in the young adult section.

        1. A lot of them went to light historical fiction, books like A World Without End and the White Queen and such.

        2. I read.

          Currently I’m reading American Buffalo by Steven Rinella. I just finished Meat Eater.

          Both are fucking excellent.

        3. started reading at their grade level in the young adult section

          This is so true of so many women. You know who the only person I actually know who likes Twilight is? My mom. I’m going to go cry in my oatmeal now.

          1. Dude. Your mom? I’m so sorry.

            My wife reads voraciously. She’s about to go murder/death/kill on the next adult that urges her to read The Hunger Games.

            1. Yeah. It’s rough. She is…not an intellectual.

              1. My mother is still pimping the Left Behind series. [*eye twitches*]

                1. As long as we’re revealing embarrassing book choices by family, my father was quite the Da Vinci Code fan.

                  1. My wife made me read most of the Sookie Stackhouse mysteries.

                    They were from a purely technical standpoint some of the worst written books I have ever read and definately the worst edited but they did make for a compelling world which in some ways is superior to the TV series. That said I’d rather watch the TV series for the boobies.

                    1. Try “Micro” by Crichton (think it was written after he died by the guy who bought the name. Written in the Crichton style) – but not for the feint of heart.

                    2. They are awful. I read a few and then I got sick of them. It’s almost like a caricature of a bad middle aged female writer – bad, plodding action scenes…Sookie describing her over-accessorized outfit in each chapter…Sookie listening to other people’s judgmental thoughts and then judging them. The last one was the worst. Oh, so it’s cool when you think bad thoughts about other people’s thoughts because you’re pretty, or something?

                    3. That was to Rasilio, re: sookie stackhouse books

      2. Actually the first Hunger games book was really quite good. The second two got progressively worse and the 3rd was downright horrible

        1. The concept of the Hunger Games is good, but the execution is horrible. It’s clearly the product of an emotionally stunted sensibility, dripping in modern Ackshun Grrrrrl/ progressive cliches.

          It’s not just the illogic behind an advanced society that can fabricate firestorms and flesh-eating creatures at will, yet has to rely on resources from The 99% to keep everyone in the central metroplex functioning. It’s the laziness expressed in the protagonist, who the author saves time after time from ever making a difficult decision or confronting a moral dilemma.

          1. Not really.

            How long would Washington DC continue to exist if the food, Gas, and Coal trucks stopped running? How about if all the Manufacturing plants shut down?

            If you pay attention there is some kind of disaster that wipes out pretty much all of Humanity save for a few small pockets in the US and the Capitol of Panem is all that organizes the recovery efforts (thereby setting them up as the capitol).

            With this disaster the survivors loose access to most natural resources that we take for granted and all that is left is Nuke power and Coal power. Well the capitol loses access to Nukes in the revolt that leads to the Hunger games leaving them dependent on Coal as the source of electricity and they get their food from at least 3 of the other districts.

            The one real open question that is never resolved in the book is why Panem never attempted to resettle any lands outside of what they currently occupied when presumably some of them would have been habitable.

            Also they could not fabricate firestorms at will, they could only do it in a carefully controled environment that had been set up for that purpose in advance.

            1. How long would Washington DC continue to exist if the food, Gas, and Coal trucks stopped running? How about if all the Manufacturing plants shut down?

              That’s the whole point. This is a society that can fabricate a firestorm, flesh-eating monsters, and killer wasps that can kill the Games participants–remember that these battlezones are entirely created out of thin air by Panem’s central command–but I’m supposed to believe this high technology can’t create fuel, housing, and a daily supply of food for the city’s inhabitants? Hell, that would even be consistent with the idea of an oligarchic society hoarding the best technology for the favored few while the rest of the population starves.

              But that kind of logical consistency would kill the storyline completely, because what the hell would Panem need the other districts for when they can create a decadent paradise for themselves out of thin air, AND the defenses needed to keep the starving hordes from taking it over?

              The one real open question that is never resolved in the book is why Panem never attempted to resettle any lands outside of what they currently occupied when presumably some of them would have been habitable.

              That’s because Collins never created the books with the intent of making them logically consistent–the whole story uses a superficial pastiche of dystopia in order to push the Ackshun Grrrrl archetype that feminists and nerds can’t get enough of.

            2. Also they could not fabricate firestorms at will, they could only do it in a carefully controled environment that had been set up for that purpose in advance.

              They can plan ahead for this environment to create killer wasps and firestorms, but not basic needs like food and shelter? THAT’S the real open question–if you can do that for a glorified gladiatorial environment, why not apply that to the day-to-day functioning of your actual society, just to simply avoid having to waste resources and manpower getting that stuff from the districts, if nothing else?

            3. How long would Washington DC continue to exist if the food, Gas, and Coal trucks stopped running?

              See NYC, today. And it’s gonna get worse.

    4. Have these assholes never heard of brown-bagging it?

      1. How uncouth

      2. They’re way too cool for that.

        1. Wouldn’t they want to ensure they get artisanal mayonnaise on their sandwiches?

          1. Of course. They will find someone else to prepare to taste and preference.

            Oh, you were suggesting they prepare their own…

            1. No, they’ll just go here.

    5. If there was any justice on this Earth, they would become victims of a cannabal.

      1. Well, they’re in NYC. Maybe they’ll run afoul of a cop.

        1. A cannibla cop! I had forgotten about him – well played, well played indeed.

  33. 50 NFL Players Whose Careers Were Absolutely Pathetic

    Some players just aren’t meant to be NFL players. Granted, they’re capable of playing in the NFL, but they’re just not meant to have a successful stint in the NFL.

    With that being said, there have been quite a number of pathetic NFL players over the years. I will admit that they’re not pathetic athletes, because the average Joe isn’t able to say that he played in the NFL, but these guys have. Unfortunately, they just didn’t have successful careers.

    Let’s put it this way: These are the very worst of the best.

    Here are 50 NFL players whose careers were absolutely pathetic.

    1. How many pages does this list run to? I hate having to click through to a bunch of pages for a list post.

      1. believe it or not, one page.

        1. Amend that: one page with script blocker on, otherwise a slideshow.

        2. I tried it, and amazingly enough everything wound up on one page. Probably has something to do with using Opera.

      2. Bleacher Report – it’s a slide show.

    2. Where do they stick Ryan Leaf?

    3. isn’t “pathetic NFL player” a relative term? We’re still talking about guys who are pretty good.

      1. Exactly.

        There are probably literally thousands of guys who made a roster for one year and never did anything but a few special teams plays.

        Even Ryan Leaf might be better than that.

        1. And if you are a marginal player, just making the team is a good career. “Pathetic” should be resevered for high draft picks who got a huge pay check and were expected to do something.

          1. Pathetic is always reserved for the Lions.

          2. And that was pretty much what the list posted by LH was.

      2. Players drafted in the first round are theoretically supposed to be much better. Justin Harrell, for example.

        And then there’s Mike Sherman trading up in the third round to grab BJ Sander, who was… a punter!

    4. First one listed: Maurice Clarett.

      1. Aundray Bruce has to be on it.

        #1 overall in 88 by the Falcons as LB. Complete bust.

        1. Mike Junkin – drafted 5th out of Duke (!!) in 1987 by the Browns.

          Nicknamed “A Mad Dog in a Meat Factory”, washed out after starting 7 games.

  34. Teachers’ Union nixes Fed funds:
    ‘Cause they’re all libertarians, right?
    Naah. The dough comes with a requirement that teachers get rated on their jobs! The horror!

    1. I assume liberals will be crapping all over them, like they did on the governors who turned down HSR funds.

  35. Obama is a near lock now, John. Prior to today I have just said he is the favorite.

    Ohio and Virginia polls show that Romney cannot win in both states and Iowa, NV, and NH are strong Obama states.

    You may cry now or Wednesday.

    1. Whatever retard. That is why Obama is buying ads in places like Minnesota and PA. Go back in your hole you retarded little wierdo. No one is feeding you today.

      1. Obama sent two people to knock on my door this weekend.

        I am a registered Libertarian married to a registered Dem.

        But they were looking for me. Had they talked to my wife there’s some chance they could have convinced her to vote, but no, they wanted to talk to me.

        Obviously they were wasting their time.

        1. Where do you live?

          1. Cheltenham, PA. They’re just trying to run up the score here to compensate for the western part of the state.

            1. They are worried about PA and Michigan and Wisconsin too.

        2. 1) That’s creepy. I don’t get the whole knocking on doors to argue into voting their way.

          2) Did you tell them to Fuck Off?

          1. I said “he’s going to keep on blowing up Pakistani children and I’m not going to vote for him.”

            They left in a hurry.

            1. Missed opportunity.

              Should have burned as much of their time as possible.

              “Well, I feel like I ought to vote, but what’s the difference between Obama and Romney, really? What’s the point?”

              That should push every button for a nice long chat, preventing them from hitting as many other houses and possibly getting some votes for Obama.

              1. I know, but I got too obviously upset about the whole random-kid-killing thing.

                1. That’s what you bust out at the end of the chat when it’s too late for them to go anywhere else.

          2. I live in a noncompetitive state, and in the middle of nowhere. (1000 foot driveway with forest on three sides) Nobody knocks on my door to vote, and I don’t think I’ve ever had any trick or treaters either.

            I’ve had fucking Jehovah’s Witnesses, though. Never had the courage to answer the door naked, however.

            1. Naa, not naked; the way to handle them is with Satan-worship regalia.

              1. I don’t have any Satan-worship regalia.

                Naked is a bit easier to pull off.

                1. I don’t know; pulling off is probably pushing the stunt just a bit much.

                2. Can I suggest you don’t go full nuddy – why not affix a cardboard party mask to your pleasure zone and have the old chap flop out through the mouth-hole? JWs are probably trained for naked sinner, but wouldn’t be expecting that

            2. I’m like you Ted, only with a longer driveway. And yes, those Witnesses are tenacious sons of bitches.

            3. I get more Mormons than Jehovah’s Witnesses. The Mormons are always two young males (duh). The only JWs were two women, and the younger was smokin’ hot.

              Oh well, I already knew she was above the Mendoza diagonal (or is that below? which side has the excessive crazy?).

              1. Below, apparently crazy is the X-axis.

              2. Ya know, the Mormons and JWs don’t really bother me. They’re always polite, and I’m polite right back when I tell them I’m really not interested. They know not to push their luck, I guess, because they don’t.

                In West Texas (well, outside the barrios, anyway), we won’t be seeing Obama canvassers.

              3. My buddy hit the jackpot. He had a smoking hot JW come canvassing, and she was driving a Porsche!

        3. Obama supporter in our neighborhood called 911 to report a Romney canvasser. Cop was not amused when he showed up.

          1. where’s police brutality when you need it?

        4. Similar thing happened to me. Except it was an canvasser for Liz Warren.

          My suspicion based on some hinky stuff going on is that they are going to send people to vote on behalf of non-voters.

          I think the Democrats are talking to everyone registered as a Libertarian in the state to try to gauge how likely they are to show up at the polls. There’s no ID requirement, so when I show up I give them my name and my address, and the nice old lady slowly fumbles through a computer printout until she finds and lines out my name.

          IF I were a unscrupulous politician (that’s redundant, I know), I would have a list of names of people who are very unlikely to vote and after offering them a ride to the polls, send a ringer to vote on behalf of anyone who declines.

          1. I suspsect you are correct. Why else show up at someone’s door? You are not going to do anything but annoy them. Especially someone who is not already a Democrat. You should have told them you were not voting and then showed up to vote first thing in the morning.

            1. Listened to a piece on the subject while driving home yesterday, on NPR I believe, and it talked of how they’re combining phone GPS, apps, and computers for this whole canvassing thing.
              They’re able to bring up maps that show who has been visited, if they’re likely to vote, and who they’re likely to support.
              The point was that pretty soon polls by sampling will go the way of the buggy whip.

              1. That is interesting. That also tells me that the campaigns know what is going on a hell of a lot better than the public polls do. You can really only tell what is going on by looking at what the campaigns are doing.

          2. Yeah, they wanted me to sign a “committed voter card” for Barry.

            I told them I was voting for Johnson up front, and one of them snickered and the other didn’t seem to know that was a presidential candidate.

          3. Voter ID is racist.

            We all know that minorities are too stupid and lazy to carry valid identification, so only a racist would want to have them present ID to vote.

            1. The one that snickered would have gotten a big middle finger in the face from me. Talk about a shithead.

        5. The O campaign called me last night (twice, until I actually picked up) offering me tickets to the live election night party with Obama himself in McCormick Place in exchange for my spending a day getting out the vote in Wisconsin.

          Wisconsin! That can’t be a good sign for them. And I have no idea why they would have thought I was a supporter, which their call indicated. Are they just calling everyone in Chicago?

          1. I also heard this morning that online display ads in Republican-leaning states are selling for cheaper than ads in both swing stages and Dem-leaning states. So at least one of the campaigns is tilting advertising toward the blue states…

          2. and your reply was

            a) “I’d rather give myself a hysterectomy with a broken pencil”
            b) “Fuck that, what are you offering for my vote?”
            c) “Which statist warmonger is he again?”

            1. Sadly, it was a robocall.

              Even so, it wouldn’t have topped a solicitation I got earlier in the week from MADD. They do not get a lot of people telling them they suck, based on the confusion on the other end of that phone call.

          3. I got a call from a pollster one time and, while I was decided, they put me down as ‘Undecided’ because I did not support either of the two major candidates.

    2. Who gives a damn? No federal policy I care about will change.

      Obama’s not dumb enough to push an AWB, and if he is, Congress isn’t.

      1. That too. Watching the village idiot do a second term having lost seats in both houses of congress and probably lost the popular vote and also runnning from the Bengazi scandal will be made for TV entertainment. If I really hated Obama as much as some do, I would be hoping for him to win. Things are not going to end well for him. It is probably better that he just lose and be done with it.

        1. Things are not going to end well for him. It is probably better that he just lose and be done with it.

          I think you are probably right, but think that perhaps he’s in such deep shit that he knows as soon as he is out of office some scandal could land him in jail. The incompetence, cronyism and plundering these people engage in is so barefaced that I would be unsurprised if Obama doesn’t end up in the dock on some corruption charge.

          1. We would never do that to a President. The other problem is that he will become so embarassing that the people who voted for him will refuse to admit the truth because doing so will be such an admission of failure. He will have to do something so bad that his own suppoerters deny they ever supported him the first place. And that is going ot be bad.

            The other thing is he could barely act as President when he had both Houses of Congress. He has been totally absent the last two years. In a second term he will be completely impetant beyond stealing and issuing exectitive orders doing shit the country hates. Basically the cabinet heads and the bureacracy will be running the government. He sure as hell won’t be.

            1. The other problem is that he will become so embarassing that the people who voted for him will refuse to admit the truth because doing so will be such an admission of failure. He will have to do something so bad that his own suppoerters deny they ever supported him the first place.

              “Truly I say to you, before this Presidency is over, you will deny me three times.”

        2. Pjmedia has an article today about how Obama would be lucky to lose considering what is coming on Benghazi. The media dam will break soon and Congressional hearings could well become impeachment proceedings.

      2. If he does try to push an AWB, who’s going to pick up the pieces?

    3. Nothing motivates people to vote for the incumbent like waiting 2-3 hours to fill up their car.

      1. How many people in Philadelphia don’t vote because of this? Obama’s entire hope in the state rides on the ability of the Philidelphia machine to lie cheat and steal.

        1. My wife’s going to Philly today to visit here sick mom. Her relatives say that there aren’t lines there, at least yet, but it’s hard to see how the shortage in NJ won’t spill over to them.

          But I think that the vote in NJ and NY is going to be way down and I won’t be surprised if the douchebag senator from NJ loses.

          1. Menendez is one of the if the biggest crook in the Senate.

            1. And he doesn’t pay his hooker bill.

            2. I have a college friend who has worked for Menendez on and off since the mid-1990’s. I can probably bet my house that she wouldn’t be too pleased if I asked her about the hookers šŸ™‚

              That’s what you get for investing your entire career in a fucking politician. But I doubt he’ll lose his next re-election. Those Jerseyites like ’em corrupt.

          2. Oh, dear. I’m going to Pennsauken (or thereabout) with my 89yo father to visit his sister as soon as things seem normal. He’s hoping for next week. Since he refuses to fly (go Poppa!), we’ll be tied to gas stations (we’re in St. Louis).

            I don’t want us to get stranded somehow. A week in New Jersey is plenty, even for my aunt. Right now, I don’t even know if my cousins are planning to house us (I wish they wouldn’t, but that’s not likely to be my choice).

            I’m hoping the folks in NJ will be on top of that stuff, but I like to know things for myself. Any suggestions for sources of information?

        2. Philadelphia is basically normal. South Philly didn’t even lose power.

          It’s Allentown that got boned, which is much more of a swing area.

        3. Obama’s entire hope in the state rides on the ability of the Philidelphia machine to lie cheat and steal.

          The machine manufactures votes out of thin air (well, outdated voter rolls). They really don’t need anybody to show up.

          1. You guys are gonna be insufferable conspiracy mongers when Obama wins, aren’t you?

            1. Just trying to maintain the cosmic balance with the insufferable Obama taint-lickers.

            2. Gosh, T O N Y, we all figured you found us insufferable already.

    4. “You may cry now or Wednesday.”

      Regardless of whether Obama wins, he will still be a withered little asshole of a man.

      A disgraceful piece of shit, forever urging his sheepish followers forward.

    5. A lock to leave office, sure. There’s no way he wins, barring something bizarre or successful attempts at electoral fraud.

      The economy isn’t getting any better and nothing’s been done at all to curtail the budgetary problems. Not to mention the crappy foreign policy.

      Only the blindly partisan and the totally ignorant are voting for Obama this time around. Not enough.

      1. So what, your woman’s intuition or whatever the fuck outweighs the actual data out there showing Obama a strong favorite to win?

          1. High as a kite! Goofballs!

        1. What’s your “actual data” that Obama is a “strong favorite”? I wouldn’t go as far as Pro Lib and say he’s a lock to lose (I think the country might be too racist for him to lose), but I haven’t seen any evidence stronger than somebody’s “intuition” that he’s a strong favorite to win, unless you’re going to assume that the Dem turnout is as strong as 08, which early voting shows to be insanely unlikely.


            1. Yeah, that’s the impression I’m getting from the “this election is already over” claim. Trying to decrease turnout in non-Dems.

              1. What’s odd is that shit works both ways. Obama probably won’t bother voting, figuring he’s a shoe-in.

                1. I’ve got to imagine that he’s not stupid enough to believe that himself, even if he’s trying to get his opponents to think so.

                  On the other hand, he thinks that the key to budget success is “asking the wealthy to pay a little more”.

                  1. I hope Romney somehow doesn’t suck as much as he probably will. I think there are good odds he’ll be an immediate improvement, but we need a hell of a lot more than better than one of our worst presidents ever.

                    1. I feel like Romney is the same as the cornerback the Patriots just got. He doesn’t need to make the Pats a top defense to be a success. Just make them not-the-worst defense.

                      I suspect Romney will be in the exact middle of the Presidents we have had while I’ve been alive. Which is saying still way worse than he should be.

                    2. Talib is a good player, but he makes dumb decisions on a regular basis. Good luck with his next suspension.

                    3. He’s only got to get through 7-10 games…

          2. Just go to any electoral college analysis anywhere.

            1. So… you don’t actually have anything. Come on, if you’re going to sockpuppet, you should put the effort in to at least give some evidence so we can refute it.

              1. http://fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/

                It’s like you people don’t have any internets. But that’s impossible, since you’re here.

                Nate Silver, let it be understood, is not saying Obama is 100% going to win. Just 80% likely, meaning there’s a shot for Romney. If you have access to a methodology more sound than his, I’d love to see it. The only reason he’s the New York Times’s election forecast specialist is because of how well he did in 2008 (and he repeated the performance in 2010), so take that for what it’s worth.

                1. Nate Silver is a hack who is paid to tell people like you what they want to hear. And he didn’t repeat his performance in 2010. He totally under estimated the R win in 2010.

                  He had the Rs at 232, not the 250+ they ended up with.


                  He predicted a change of control, but everyone knew that the village idiot in the White House was destroying the Democratic party.

                  1. No, you are a hack. Silver was actually 8 off in the House in 2010, 1 off in the Senate, and 1 off in governorships. Pretty good, and all within the confidence interval.

                    Show me the better methodology. Or not. Either way there’s an 80% chance you’re going to be drinking your sorrows away on Tuesday as of right now.

                    1. You really are retarded Tony. The link I gave is to the NYT site with his “final prediction”. You link to wikipedia, which is clealry wrong. Silver is an idiot con man paid to keep morons like you from panicing.

        2. Get the fuck out, sock.

          1. Are you saying Tony is a “happy sock”?

      2. A lock to leave office, sure. There’s no way he wins, barring something bizarre or successful attempts at electoral fraud.

        The RCP average is basically a dead heat on the popular vote, but Romney’s got a hill to climb to get the electoral votes he needs.

        I still think we’re looking at a Romney winning the popular vote and Obama squeaking by in the EC.

        1. That’s the current meme, but I don’t buy it. Given the economic mess, I’m still predicting a decent margin for Romney. In popular and electoral votes.

  36. The LAPD shoots a suspect as he’s handcuffed and face down.

    We already heard this story. What? Another, separate incident? Oh.

    1. Expect more. You know how cat breading suddenly became a thing? This is cat breading for shitty cops

      1. I had to look “cat breading” up… thanks, now I have given up almost all hope for humanity.

        1. Isn’t it a bit worse that I already knew exactly what she was talking about?

          1. No. If you didn’t, I would have suspected dementia.

        2. You’re not the only one who doesn’t get these newfangled internet meme things.

          Of course, I’ve thought for years that the “lolcats” stuff was incredibly stupid.

        3. Hah, that’s fucking absurd. At first I thought it was a typo for cat breeding.

      2. I prefer my cat au naturel, not breaded.

        1. I find them a little dry. Au jus, for me.

        2. and plunging the depths of existence to find it is essentially shallow?


          1. French cats are so perfect in their nihilism.

            1. they smell the unchanged kitty litter and feel anew the sense of disenchantment which led them to abandon writing their novel

              1. The ennui that is existence is soul-numbing yet I love the pain.

                1. Perhaps once as a kitten I loved my pain – loved it as passionately as a dog does its master’s leg. Imperceptibly, as my limbs lengthened into cathood, love faded as an old photograph – no, not faded, but was revealed as the mere shadowplay of a genuine emotion I could never feel. Thus I tasted life, and learnt it was unsauced.

                  from Chapter 2 of L’Orgasme Ennuyeaux

  37. “John McCain wants to be chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee”

    And retired Lieutenant Colonel John Tammes wants that dust farting old “maverick” to go away.

    1. It really shows what politics does to people. The guy is nearly 80 years old. He has health issues. He is a gazzillionaire. He has done pretty much everything in politics he is going to do. Any sane person would have retired in 2010. But once those old bastards get in there it just takes their soul.

      1. While 70 is different than 80, it isnt that much any more.

        Pitino just signed a contract extension at Louisville until 2022, when he will be 70.

        Paterno, ignoring the stuff that took him down, was another guy that couldnt quit what he was doing.

        Its not just politics.

        But it does tell you one thing, McCain is no Cincinnatus.

        1. It isn’t so much poltics as an obsessive personality and love of power. Paterno was sick and dying. And he knew that big size 20 was out there ready to drop. What a selfish prick. He should have resigned so they didn’t have to fire him mid season.

          1. He should have resigned so they didn’t have to fire him mid season.

            No way he or Penn State was going to quit until he got the wins record–which, not coincidentally, he acheived right before he resigned.

            Thankfully, the NCAA rendered that cynical stunt moot when they forfeited all his wins going back the last ten years.

            1. He didn’t resign. They fired him. He said he was going to leave at the end of the year. And they said, no Joe, you are leaving now. What a crap weasel.

      2. Have blowjobs gotten worse than back in the day?

        Or BETTER?!

        1. Going to guess better – there are actually manuals to consult whereas before I think women approached it like a Tootsie Pop.

          1. I’m going with better too, along with heart medication, which keeps these fuckers alive.

      3. IIRC McCain isn’t all that wealthy. The wife has the fortune and it’s locked away due to a pre-nup.

        The wife’s family pretty much run the alcohol distribution oligopoly, and they support McCain because he gives them great political influence in AZ (via his position in Congress). Once he retires he becomes much less valuable.

        As long as he stays in politics, he is pretty much assured of a comfy life. If he gets out, then only loyalty, fellowship and love will bind his stepfamily to him, and in politics those are weak bonds indeed.

        1. You are a cold, cynical and ruthless man…

          May I shake your hand, friend?

          1. IF you’re ever in Boston, look me up.

        2. I agree that McCain personally isn’t particularly wealthy, but between his military and Senate pensions, plus opportunities for speaking fees, book royalties, etc., it’s not like he would be on the street either.

  38. The LAPD shoots a suspect as he’s handcuffed and face down.

    Well you wouldn’t want him to shoot the suspect while he was uncuffed, facing him, and armed now would you? That would be dangerous for the officer. He’s got a wife and family to go home to at the end of the day.


  39. So, this morning NPR completely fails to miss the point on gasoline prices in New Jersey:

    Apparently, if you’re an NPR reporter you can get through an entire story about how economists are saying allowing prices to rise would ease gas shortages without EVER ONCE mentioning the fact that higher prices would incentivize people to deliver more gas to the area.

    The profit motive. How does it work?

    1. Er fails to GET the point.

    2. You expect an NPR hack to actually understand basic economics?

    3. they’re just showing their commitment to being non-commercial.

  40. Got my Ohio absentee ballot in the mail yesterday. Will be completing it and mailing it back today.

        1. Me, too. In Florida. There are two votes!

          1. THERE ARE FOUR VOTES!

            1. How funny–I thought the same thing after I posted that comment.

              1. We are the board. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

          2. +1 in FL.

    1. AND voting on Tuesday?

      … just to test the system, of course.

      1. Tempting…

  41. What, no love for the alt-text? They had a blackout, baby!

  42. Here’s hoping Reason has an official election-prediction post, so we can all put our calls on the record, for memory-machine mockery, abuse, gloating, and ball-spiking (both kinds) on Wednesday.

    1. Seconded. I think the editors would go for it, considering how much grief we have given them (and each other) over the years.

        1. I am pretty ambivelent. If Obama wins, his second term is going to be an epic disaster for the Democrats. He is not going to accomplish anything. He will have no mandate and no plan to do much of anything other than let his appointees go full retard. The 2014 mid terms will make 2010 look like a picnic for the Dems. I think there is at least a 40% chance he won’t finish a second term and would resign in disgrace.

          That said, I think it is fairly unilikely he wins.

          1. It’s not impossible that he’ll win, but I’ll be quite shocked if that happens. There’s blood in the water now, especially when people on the left and in the moderate camp began realizing that Romney’s clearly no ideologue.

            Only partisanship/religion explains the refusal of the faithful to jettison a bad president. He’s awful, even if you like socialism and statism. And if you don’t, he’s horrific. Him and most of his administration.

            1. Only partisanship/religion explains the refusal of the faithful to jettison a bad president.

              Don’t forget racism.

              1. Look, we’re a post-racism society. We elected a black president. Time to drop the identity politics and move on to actually worrying about results again.

                1. Being post racial means not only electing a black President but also firing him when he does a bad job.

                  1. Being post racial means not only electing a black President but also firing him when he does a bad job.

                    Almost exactly what I mean. Except that being post racial only means electing a black President if he’s not elected for being black.

            2. I would be shocked if he won the popular vote. That means he will most likely have to pull a Bush and win the EC. That could happen. But given history it is very unlikely to happen.

              1. I wonder if it’s more likely now with such Dem stalwarts as NY and NJ under water. I mean, he’ll still get their EC votes, but turnout may be way down.

          2. there is at least a 40% chance he won’t finish a second term and would resign in disgrace.

            Have to disagree with you there. Resigning in disgrace would imply that he has the ability to feel shame and embarrassment. Everything we’ve seen so far would seem to indicate that those are foreign concepts for him.

      1. I predict that it will occur primarily on Tuesday.

    2. I’ll stick with my New Year’s prediction: a 60% chance of a Romney win.

      (see, I get to hedge my results).

      I will remind everyone that I did get the Obamacare ruling correct – even though I didn’t want my prediction to come true.

      1. You predicted Roberts being the fifth vote against?

    3. I already have bets going on facebook, winner (me) gets to choose the losers’ profile pic for a week …

  43. Ghetto Deer (sound track is funny but full of profanity – use headphones!)

    Check out the earnest suburbanite comments on youtube for extra laughs.

  44. rarely is the nobility of the human spirit captured so eloquently


  45. Last night, somebody I know was talking about a call he got from Team Tester. This person was trying to browbeat him into making calls on behalf of Tester, and even go door to door.

    Apparently, when the person said, “You’ve got to get out there and help!” he replied, “I don’t GOT to do shit” and hung up.

  46. I don’t see much of a chance of a Romney win. You guys are fooling yourselves. Obama won’t have a “mandate” whatever that means, but he’s here for another four years. The US economy, despite all of Barry’s attempts to destroy it, will also spring back a bit, and he’ll look like a success in 2016.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.