John Roberts Ticks-Off His Colleagues, Young Voters Meh About Obama, U.S. Wants a Piece of Assange: P.M. Links


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  1. From its bloody inception, the French republic has been in the vanguard of fascism. Their latest innovation?
    Mandatory breathalyzer purchases for the peasants citizens

    As of today, motorists and motorcyclists will face an on-the-spot fine unless they travel with two single-use [breathalyzer] devices as part of a government drive to reduce the number of drink-drive related deaths.
    The new regulations, which excludes mopeds, will be fully enforced and include foreigner drivers from November 1 following a four-month period of grace. Anyone failing to produce a breathalyser after that date will receive an 11 euro fine.
    French police have warned they will be carrying out random checks on drivers crossing into France via ferries and through the Channel Tunnel to enforce the new rules.

    1. From its bloody inception, the French republic has been in the vanguard of fascism.

      Truer words.

    2. It’s a tax. Perfectly legal.



  2. Exactly when was Reason planning on telling me that Anderson Cooper is gay? I guess some bombshells are too hot for Hit + Run.

    1. Hey did you know Sulu’s gay?

      1. The lesbian chick from Mythbusters?

        1. Dude, I just heard Rock Hudson was gay! Can you believe it?

          1. What!? Next you’ll be telling me that Paul Lynde was gay.

            1. John Wayne was a fag.

                1. He was, too, you boys. I installed two-way mirrors in his pad in Brentwood, and he come to the door in a dress.

                  1. It’s true. Also, Freddy Mercury was straight.

                  2. Sometimes you are thinking about a plate of shrimp, and somebody says “plate”, or “shrimp”, or “plate of shrimp”.

                    1. You know the way everybody’s into weirdness right now?

    2. Apparently he hooked up with Tom Cruise.

      1. I heard Cruise was seeing the triangle teletubby.

    3. Anderson Cooper is gay?!?

      [fakest gasp ever]

      1. It’s not him. It’s his hair. His hair is gay.

        1. Is there some sort of gel or shampoo that could let him have the heterosexual hair that Gawd intended?

          1. Yes. Palmolive. The green, original one only.

            1. Gawd will love you forever, sir. And in a way that is totally not gay at all.

              1. Madge tried to protect heterosexuality by having people soak in Palmolive. Sadly, her efforts have been largely forgotten.

                1. Most obvious gay coding in old commercials? Dunkin’ Donuts guy’s grim determination at: “Time to make the donuts.” Because everyone knows “make the donuts” is a reference to pre-dawn rim-jobs.

                  1. Yeah, and we all know what that “ancient Chinese secret” was. The Chinese invented gay.

                    1. “You’re soaking in it.”


                    2. “Good to the last drop.”

                    3. Chock Full o’ Nuts is the heavenly coffee…

                    4. “Don’t squeeze the Charmin.”

                      and. . . .

                      “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature.”

                    5. “Where’s the beef?”

                    6. “Home of the whopper.”

                    7. And “Have it your way.” “Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce; special orders don’t upset us.”

                    8. Feelin’ 7-up, I’m Feelin’ 7-up.

                    9. “It’s the real thing.”

                    10. “I’m a Pepper, you’re a Pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too?”

                      The recruitment was never so blatant.

                    11. “Ho, ho, ho”

                      His giant/boy relationship with Sprout was sickening.

                    12. I bet it’s illegal to even watch those commercials today.

                    13. Agreed. Poor Sprout never stood a chance.

                      “Officer, I swear I thought he was a cauliflower!”

                    14. “We call it maize; you call it porn.”

                    15. “Melts in your mouth, not in your hands”

                    16. “Flick your Bic.”

                    17. “Strong enough for a man?.. but made for a woman”

                    18. “Tastes great. . .less filling.”

                    19. “Watch it wiggle; see it jiggle.”

                    20. The real gold is in the commercials for kids’ cereals.
                      Cookoo for Cocoa Puffs.
                      Honeycomb big, yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s not small, no, no, no
                      Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids

                    21. Remember that owl and his perversions with the Tootsie Pop?

                    22. That owl was creepy. You get two gentle licks and then he just hauls off and bites a big chunk out of your ball.

                    23. “Not tricks, Michael, illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money… or candy.”

                    24. So, all the advertising since the 60’s is gay.

                      I feel so….what’s the word?

        2. His hair is gay.

          No, ProL, it’s *gray*. GRAY.

            1. Incorrect.

              The correct response is “nevermind…”

    4. From his email he seems confused:

      The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.
      I have always been very open and honest about this part of my life with my friends, my family, and my colleagues. In a perfect world, I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business, but I do think there is value in standing up and being counted. I’m not an activist, but I am a human being and I don’t give that up by being a journalist.

      You’re not gay, Cooper. You have a fetish for penis, that is all. Just like Travolta. Not gay at all! Just like dick. And you are so in denial about it, and rationalizing it, you build a lifestyle around it and unnecessarily complicate matters with a little martyrdom talk about standing up and being counted.

      You know who else liked to count?

    5. On Larry David’s Birthday, no less.


  3. …the two candidates scoring within the margin of error in the battleground states, Michigan, North Carolina and New Hampshire.

    Ha! You dipshit solid blue or red states are going to get no attention from our would-be federal ?bermenschen.

  4. Anbody seen that movie TED yet? The whole idea of Ted Kennedy reincarnated as some kids’ toy is great.

  5. Oh God here we go again with the worship of CBS News “insiders”. Because WeWantToBelieve!

    Tell me, if they’re going to risk their careers by leaking internal deliberation details, why didn’t they leak the decision itself for better $$$?

    1. If the SC has the same kind of compartmentalization as the CIA, who could have leaked info to press before the decision? Only the justices themselves who won’t have taken the risk.

      1. If these people had knowledge of all this back and forth between Kennedy and Roberts, they knew what the decision was.


    In other news Bill Ney is a retarded hack.

    1. Ney? Neigh! Nye!

      1. Marshal Ney?
        He totally kicked british ass at Banos.…..al_Ney.jpg

    2. God dammit. I loved him. He was integral to my childhood.

    3. That’s not really news. Paul Zaloom was better on TV, too.

    4. It’s sad how much people get sucked into ideology who’d you’d think would be immune. Same thing happened with Phil Plait, who just cannot stay away from politics. That does incredible damage to everything he’s trying to say about science, most of which has nothing to do with climatology.

      Note that one is an engineer, the other an astronomer. Neither should be making pronouncements about climate science.

  7. http://blogs.the-american-inte…

    Very long and interesting article on meritocracy and the problem of our elites.

    1. About a 3rd into I realized that the techno progressives of America are almost exactly like the techno commies of the Soviet Union.

      In every way. The only difference at all is the history of the respective countries.

  8. The US should have gotten out of NATO after the Cold War. Now we’re talking about pulling Turkey’s chestnuts out of the fire.

    Why can’t they just use some of those weapons we keep supplying them with?

    1. Whoah whoah. Turkey is not the one with its chestnuts in the fire. They will roll Syria if it comes down to it. Unless Russia gets serious.

      Yes America should’ve left that shitshow forever ago.

      1. I assume a great deal of Turkey’s maneuvering in this has the purpose of finally putting Russia in its place.

        1. There is serious potential for a regional rupture over there, especially with Azerbaijan getting hot. A perfect opportunity for America to not get involved.

          1. Agreed. Turkey isn’t Georgia, however, and the only thing Russia will demonstrate if it opposes Turkish actions in Syria is impotence.

            1. Do not underestimate the tolerance of the Russian people for stupidity in the name of drunken national greatness!

              And that’s another thing: I’m sure Saakashvili (sic) watches and waits. As he should.

              1. ‘Why Turks, you are lucky we have this other matter to attend to [kicks Georgia] or we would TOTALLY show you up in Syria!’

          2. “How to Not Get Involved.” Narrated by John Cleese. An instructional video on American non-interventionism.

            1. I don’t see what you’re worried about. A modern full scale war involving Turkey, Syria, Russia and many of the former Soviet states? What’s so dangerous about getting involved with something like that?

  9. Article: Make fun of ad suggesting that vagina are malodorous.

    Comments: Talk about our malodorous vaginas.

    Disconnection complete.

    1. paarka21 6 hours ago
      I really have to say, my vagina smells AWFUL if I don’t use my vagisil odor block wash. I do not use condoms with my fiance since I am on bc, and old semen smell mixed with my natural odor is NOT GOOD STUFF.

      1. Barfman?

    2. I clicked that link and read things. I now hate you.

    3. I forget sometimes what a sick man you are.

      1. You can never forget, John. NutraSweet is not sick. He is evil. There’s a difference.

        1. I just try and make my way through this fallen world like the rest of you.

          1. Yes, but evilly.

        2. Sick can be cured… or at least treated. Evil… Evil is forever.

    4. saltywench 6 hours ago
      Omg, do you smell yourself on your hands for hours afterward, too? I thought I was just some unsanitary freak who cannot wash her hands well enough. God forbid I eat onions ever.

      2 replies to saltywench
      LibraryChick 6 hours ago

      Ha, yes! It’s like, God! Why can I not stop smelling like cooch! And I don’t like, hate the smell of myself, so sometimes I find myself absentmindedly sitting there with my chin on my hand thinking “hm, interesting smell,” and then I realize what it is. So now I wash all relevant bits off with Vagisil or the generic afterwards and it seems to work.

      In conclusion, I am probably gross

      1. What the holy living fuck.

    5. So…. are these women masturbating at work?

    6. saltywench 2 hours ago
      Have you ever smelt your hand and realized that you were shaking hands with people all day!??!?!?! My biggest stank-fear ever!

      Jesus. I need to dedicate the rest of my life to making sure I never fuck a Jezebel whore.

      1. I’m going to go ahead and say that probably was never going to happen anyway, for a variety of reasons.

        1. Shut up. Play it cool and pretend like nothing happened.

      2. Never shake hands. Either greet through a stern eye to eye acknowledgement or a punch, everything else is submissive.

        1. Demolition Man handles the unsanitary hand-shaking issue in a joy-joy manner. There is no need to be boggled.

    7. roveberg 5 hours ago
      There’s nothing wrong with smelling, anywhere. If you think there is then the corporate douche-bags in advertising and marketing have grabbed you by the ovaries and shaken all your money out.

      1. Mary…we know it’s you.

    8. Comedy gold, I tells ya!

      1. funniest…

        I never realized Jezebel is actually satire…

        Like ‘the Onion’, only topical and funny.

    9. Or you could skip this scented pad business altogether and, you know, just let your vagina smell the way God intended it to: like a beautiful cave filled with secret lady scents and steaming womanly juices.

      Sugarfree, have I told you how much I hate you? Because I do.

      And reading a Jezzie rant about nature and vaginas is hilarious. Now please point out the tree that orthotricyclen grows on.

      1. I’ve got one behind teh house. It’s called a Walgreen tree.

    10. “….just let your vagina smell the way God intended it to: like a beautiful cave filled with secret lady scents and steaming womanly juices.”

      Is there really anything I can say about this?

      1. Something popped in my head after all. I wonder what these women would have to say if they knew how many men deliberately keep that ‘scent’ on their hands so that they can sniff it all day long?

        1. You should pose that question. Is it creepy? Offensive? Flattering?

          That might start a hell of a sub thread in there.

          1. Is it creepy? Offensive? Flattering?


    11. Goddamn. WHY do people feel the need to overshare?!!! I blame it on Facebook.

      1. It’s been going on longer than that. My wife doesn’t have that many female friends, when pressed on why, it usually boils down to: “Because when guys leave the room, they all try to talk to me about their goddamn periods.”

        1. Haha. That’s kind of true. But I don’t mind my friends talking about that stuff. As opposed to total strangers regaling another total stranger with unsavory stories about their ladybits.

          1. Weird. I try to talk about my dong to as many people as possible and never understand why they don’t want to reciprocate.

            1. Because standing at the urinals is never the proper time to strike up a conversation?

              1. If only more people understood this.

                1. People don’t just instinctively know not to talk to other people while at urinals, they have to be trained. For the good of society, whenever someone tries to talk to you at a urinal, turn to face them when answering and piss all over their shoes.

                  1. SugarFree, you of all people should know that some perverted perverts enjoy a little golden shower. Don’t give them the satisfaction!

                    1. I wasn’t doing anything with that urine anyway, MS.

                    2. Dude, keep in a mason jar, the way god intended!

                  2. I like this solution. It has the added benefit of having been popularized by Jack Nicholson.

            2. Speaking of dongs, Chloe Sevigny has something she wants to show you:



  10. Unsurprisingly, the Obama administration can’t understand the concept of distributed leadership, can’t figure out who to talk to in Syria without a big boss in charge.


    “It is hard to convince people that they are not as rich as they think they are?that leads to bubbles. People in Estonia in 2007 felt a lot richer than they were. Then we ended up de-leveraging and found out it was all illusory. Our standard of living has fallen because of the crisis. Well that is true, but maybe we were not living in the real world.”

    1. “The answer hit me. The first government service we offered on the web was doing your taxes. People hate doing their taxes. But it was so easy and it was so transparent they could do their taxes in three minutes. It became a way to make life easier. On top of that, of course, there was this trick that if you did it [your return] on a computer you got your refund in a week and if you did on paper, well, we’ll see?”

      1. Too bad we can’t get Ilves for US President.

        1. I like his Christmas tunes.

          1. I remember his Austerity Specials on TV from way back.

      2. In particular, does he have any regrets about being the last country into the club?Estonia joined in January 2011? “I would much rather have Estonia inside the euro zone no matter what happens than to be out of it,” Mr. Ilves says. “Outside the euro zone we are a small country” and he thinks that small countries appear unreliable to the outside world. “[People think], ‘maybe they have very good policies, but you never know, they might be a bunch of weirdoes, they might do something crazy and devalue.’ Inside the euro zone we are the ones that follow the rules. I think we are much safer?we are in a safe harbor, especially as a small country.”


        1. As the vampires close in from all aroumd…

        2. You’re thinking about the economy only. I’m sure Estonia also has to factor in the nationalistic, aggressive ambitions of its former oppressor. They’re probably overestimating the willingness and capacity of the EU to actually defend them, but I can understand where they’re coming from.

    2. Why it’s a great thing that the Syrian opposition is fragmented.

      THANK YOU. I feel like everyone else in their calls for ‘unity’ had taken crazy pills.

    3. Its something people dont get…living within your means requires cutting your standard of living. For a individual, household, or nation.

      And that is okay, the idea is to grow your means and expand your living in that manner.

    4. I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that it’s because we live agriculture-based city states.

    1. It’s rare that the internet manages to shock me. Excellent work, internet.

      1. The biggest shock of the article? I’m pretty sure that’s the exact model of microwave that I have.

        1. You use a fucking microwave? And you call yourself a cook? You disgust me. Now I want to make grenade soup.

          1. Microwaves are the only way to make an authentic California Cheeseburger, you moran.

            1. I wish I could put you in the microwave, Gremlins style.

              1. SugarFree is what happens when you feed them after midnight.

                1. Why didn’t I listen to the old Chinese stereotype guy? Why?

                  1. You should have. He was generically wise.

                  2. He wasn’t played by James Hong. That makes him a sub-par Chinese stereotype.

                    Or is that an over-stereotype? Like a bogey stereotype?

                    1. BWONGGGGGGGG

                      Look, man, what about Gedde Watanabe? Why you selling him short?

                    2. How long is a Chinaman, anyway?

                    3. Yes, he is.

                    4. James Hong is the end of the conversation. Engineer by training; David Lo Pan by sheer force of acting will.

        2. What you’re saying then, is that you have no memory of doing this?

          1. Maybe. But I usually stay out of the woods. Dark things in these woods. Things that have no love for the creature called “man.”

            1. Pets salivate when they see you, eh? Who knows how a coyote would react.

              1. Funny. Nephew found a black snake in his gerbil tank (converted fish tank) over the weekend. No more gerbils.

                1. At least he now has a well-fed pet snake.

                  1. I told him that they just ran away.

                    He’s thirty now so I don’t think he bought it.

                    1. When the snake shits out a pile of gerbil bones, just tell him you’re sure it was just some other gerbils that the snake must have eaten before his gerbils ran away.

                    2. What do you tell people when you shit out piles of gerbil bones?

                    3. I tell them that they were delicious. And that Marc Singer had ridiculous hair.

                    4. Only hair like that can dose an entire command ship with Red Dust.

                  2. Oh, and he is keeping the snake.

                    1. Always trade up the food chain.

                    2. That really is an awesome story. I rather like snakes. My cats keep dragging them into the kitchen from the crawl space, but I have never been in time to rescue one.

                      I told him that they just ran away.
                      He’s thirty now so I don’t think he bought it.

                      You are a good uncle.

              1. In my circle of eighth grade malcontents, that album was known as ‘the prophecy.’

          2. He has a memory, he just doesn’t trust it.

          3. Oh, shit. Those totally look like my tires as well.

            Damn blackouts.

    2. ‘Hey, I found this old rusty sledge hammer in the woods! Should I smack myself in the balls with it?’

      1. Anyone replying in the negative should be banned.

        1. Every /b/-tard should be banned, from anything, ever.

          1. ^^^^^^

          2. 4chan is the beginning of Idiocracy.

      2. If it doesn’t feel good, repeat until it does.

  12. How is North Carolina a battleground state? I thought it belonged to Team Red.

    1. Obama carried the state by a narrow margin in 2008.

  13. That may well be the coolest thign I have ever seen dude.

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