Super Bowl

If There Was an 8th Seal in the Book of Revelation, It Would Probably Be This Reality TV Show w Todd Palin and Gen. Wesley Clark.


This is either a sign that the apocalypse is already well under way, that America has fully entered an irrevocable decline that will make Nero's Rome look like good times, or that everything is right with a world in which things are not only stranger than we imagine but stranger than we can imagine:

Stars Earn Stripes will feature celebrities competing in tough military training exercises and has the exclusive online cast scoop. NBC has tapped General Wesley Clark (ret.), the former Supreme Allied Commander Europe for NATO and 2004 presidential candidate to host the show along with TV personality Samantha Harris (Entertainment TonightDancing with the Stars).

The celebrity competitors include boxing champion Laila Ali, actor Dean Cain (Out of Time), former NFL player Terry Crews (The Expendables), singer Nick Lachey (The Sing-Off), Sarah Palin's husband Todd Palin, Olympic gold medalist Picabo Street, The Biggest Loser trainer Dolvett Quince and WWE star Eve Torres.

More here.

This is as good a time as any to remind people that the sweater-clad host and military man Clark was once seen by this reporter brazenly cutting the line for Amtrak in Washington, D.C.'s Union Station. 

NEXT: Washington, DC's Capital Bikeshare: Tax $$$ for Rich, Educated, White Riders

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  1. …military man Clark was once seen by this reporter brazenly cutting the line for Amtrak in Washington, D.C.’s Union Station.

    Such men dare take what they want. (Except the presidency.)

    I’m not watching any more reality TV until they make MILF Island a reality.

    1. You ever hear of google FOE? All MILF. All the time. Sell the TV.

      1. ISSO!!!!

      2. It has sex, lies,? puberty, betrayal, relay races, MILF Island reflects the drama of the human experience and isn’t that the essence of art?

    2. I’ve heard some very reserved Veterans go on long rants about what a fucking asshole Wesley Clark is.

      As William Cohen told Clark: “Get your fucking face off the TV…”

      1. Count me as one of them – he was the first GO I ever heard upper level officers bad mouthing – when I was a naive and new captain, I heard a whole bunch of COl and LTCs say when he was appointed “wow, apple polishing can get you to the top” “I guess Clinton got down to his fifth choice, eh?”.

        When he came to Sarajevo to get sworn in, his posse was so big, we all get kicked out and made homeless for a couple of days…

        His book was on the required list for the ILE course in 2003…self-serving tripe would be the nicest thing I would call it.

    3. I’m not watching any more reality TV until they make MILF Whore Island a reality.

      That I’ll watch.

      1. Wasn’t that Cathouse The Series?

  2. Who needs death panels when you can just let one doctor decide.…..l?ITO=1490

    1. You’re not fooling anyone, you know.

      1. I feel happy! I feel happy!

    2. He cited ‘pressure on beds and difficulty with nursing confused or difficult-to-manage elderly patients’ as factors.

      Professor Pullicino revealed he had personally intervened to take a patient off the LCP who went on to be successfully treated.

      He said this showed that claims they had hours or days left are ‘palpably false’.

      In the example he revealed a 71-year-old who was admitted to hospital suffering from pneumonia and epilepsy was put on the LCP by a covering doctor on a weekend shift.

      Nothing like that would happen here. The right people are in charge.

  3. Wow, what a novel idea. Celebrities and wanna be celebrities who have a grossly overinflated idea of their own importance, and who think that everyone else wants to watch them live out their own self fantasies on TV. Boring! Just one more reason why I turned off my cable TV. Zzzzzzzzzz…

    1. and who think that everyone else wants to watch them live out their own self fantasies on TV

      … little knowing they are living out our fantasy of seeing them tortured for our pleasure

  4. Those maximally insignificant “stars” in that incredibly bad publicity photo above look like those posed stuffed animals in natural history museums. If this show is anywhere near as bogus as that – and I am certain it will be – it will without doubt be the worst ever of the worst.

    1. I think they were one of the exhibits in Planet of the Apes. Is that Dodge on the left?

  5. Exercises include: Dog Shooting, Beating up a mentally ill person, Breaking down doors and destroying houses without double checking the address, finding innovative ways to confiscate property for no valid reason, covering up mistakes through collusion, and developing the proper response to all situations which is of course “Fuck you, that’s why!”

    1. No, these are military training exercises, not cop training exercises.

      1. Who do you think the cops learn from? Also, I would not want to be a cameraman on this show.

        1. Who do you think the cops learn from?

          Other cops, bad action movies, and TV shows.

        2. I seem to recall an article from the Iraq war where the regular military guys were horrified at the tactics of the reserve units manned by police officers.

  6. All I need is a pint a day
    If I ever get out of here.

  7. actor Dean Cain (Out of Time)

    They should have gotten that guy who played Superman, that would have provided a good angle for the people writing about the show to exploit.

  8. Dean Cain is getting Out of Time as his claim to fame? Really? C’mon, at least give him props for Ripley’s.

    1. You mean the show hosted sometimes by that girl from California Dreams who I used to confuse with the girl from Beverly Hills 90210?

      1. Yeah. But it was better when that old guy from City Slickers was running it.

  9. didn’t some other network have a similar show where fading stars and a few has-beens were put into the same house? While embarrassing to admit, I recall a season that had Florence Henderson and Jose Canseco.

    1. Surreal Life…not bad, actually. Ron Jeremy and Tammy Fae Bakker in the same house. And they really liked each other.

  10. OT:

    Obama invokes Executive Privilege over FF docs. Wonder what he doesn’t want Congress to see.

    1. I’m sure he’ll turn them over eventually. Minus the 18.5 minutes where Joe Biden accidentally sat on the recorder.

      1. See, that’s a plausible excuse.

        1. “Joe Biden’s ass did it!”

          1. Don’t talk about Beau that way.

    2. Yay, what a transparent act on his part.

      1. It’s a new era in transparent ass-covering.

    3. For a guy who usually has no problem throwing former allies under the bus, Obama sure is going all out in order to save Holder’s ass. Interesting, huh?

      1. Eric Holder is the top law enforcement official in the country. Obama is just paying him back for turning a blind eye to the many many laws that he’s broken during his presidency.

  11. They want stripes? Make ’em sit through PLDC or BNCOC.

    1. Too easy. I say subject them to SNARFL, BAMF, or GAGEW.

  12. “Stay out of it, Nick Lachey.”

    But he didn’t.

  13. I fully support the idea of subjecting these F-list losers to training if it means they’ll be deployed to Afghanistan.

    1. That should be the surprising twist at the end, the “winner” gets sent to Afghanistan.

  14. The fire aside, Nero’s Rome was pretty swank at the beginning and end of his reign. Speaking with the relativity of the surrounding ages, of course.

  15. Nick, did you punch Clark in the face? Did you at least say, “hey dipshit, get in line.” If not, the you should wear sweaters. Drop “the Jacket”.

    1. He did not have The Jacket on at the time. As such, he was powerless.

  16. The BBC’s plan to run Gordon Ramsey’s Culinary Pentathlon head-to-head against the Olympics was nixed on account of the carbon footprint of the flambee’ dishes.

  17. Dean Cain is Hollywood’s greatest actor, knocking Brando and Olivier quite literally into a cocked hat and singlehandedly breaking the curse of Superman. When Home Run Showdown opens (July 27 at the AMC Southfield 20 in Detroit!), the Sarah Siddons Award will have to be retired and Oscar? will be renamed Dean?.

  18. This may be the first show in history that was canceled halfway through the press release announcing it.

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