Brickbat: Not on My Watch

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Giulo Cesare Fava, mayor of Falciano del Massico, Italy, has banned residents from dying until the town builds a new cemetery. Town officials could not reach an agreement with a neighboring town to expand the cemetery they share, so Fava decided to build a new one.

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  1. A few SWAT raids on hospices should bring the trouble-makers in line.

    1. I was thinking a drone strike. And we’ll see which executive wears the pants.

    2. They need “BATH SALTZ!” here!!!! I have it on good authority that those evil things prevent that pesky condition known as death. Does Ron Bailey know about this? He is jonesing for some sort of fountain of yoot to prevent a leap to the hereafter.

  2. Hrm, first all the zombie threads, and now this…

    Might be time to break out the machetes.

    1. I am ahead of you buddy, I just bought a couple of new ones, good 24 inchers…those are hard to find off the shelf. I mean, you can order them from Cold Steel, but finding a good 24in machete in stock at the local hardware is unusual. Normally those pussy 22inch ones are all they have……

      Now I just have to get off of my ass and sharpen them.

    2. No machetes nescessary… just a few arrows to the knees

      1. Where is the fun in that? Machetes cause gore splashing and blood slinging……

        1. I’ve always been led to believe those are bad things in a zombie apocalypse. Doesn’t ingesting zombie blood or getting it in your eyes turn one into a zombie as well? Danny Boyle seems to think so.

  3. Shhhh! Kathleen Sebelius might start getting ideas on extending the individual mandate

    1. Are you kidding? This is a boon to the mortuary industry! Think about it, and this did come up in the ObamneyCare SCOTUS review: Universal Funeral Care complete with the mandate. The kicker here is they force the use of “BATH SALTZ” to keep you alive, kicking, and a perfect worker drone and won’t let you die until you cough up the Death Tax n’ Mandate combo.

      This also doubles as both a Jobz Program AND clearly defines the rights of the undead.

      WIN/WIN!

  4. Giulo Cesare Fava, mayor of Falciano del Massico, Italy, has banned residents from dying until the town builds a new cemetery.

    Up next: people are banned from aging.

  5. Wow! That guy makes a lot of sense when you think about it! LOL!

    http://www.dont-die.de/anonbot

  6. Here’s a dumb question – how do you “build” a cemetery? I understand that once you start burying bodies in a field, you might want to build a maintenance shed for the lawn mowers.

    1. You can’t expect a boondoggle like this to rely on the most efficient means possible. Big Mausoleum would never have that.

    2. It’s Italy. You have to have very high walls and very secure gates.

      1. Those walls are no match for Zombie Pope PJ2 in the Zombie Popemobile.

        1. JP2

          1. You mistake is thinking that the cemetery walls are to keep zombies in.

            1. I never did watch the second Da Vinci Code movie.

  7. “Country clubs and cemetaries are the two biggest wastes of prime real estate!”

    -Rodney Dangerfield

    1. So what.

      /Tony D’Annunzio

    2. Interesting note: The guy who played Danny Noonan also played Hugh Akston in Atlas Shrugged Part I.

  8. I’d like to eat the mayor with a nice liver and some Chianti.

    /Dr. Lecter

  9. I for one fail to see any problem with this. It all seems perfectly logical.

  10. And if you have the temerity to die while this ban is in effect then you’re just going to have to lay there and rot. You were probably a useless sack of shit anyway if you can’t follow a simple ban like this.

  11. Those guys really seem to know what they are talking about.

    http://www.Data-Privacy.tk

  12. Minimum wage, minimum age…six ‘a one.

  13. Would you call that a “fatal conceit”?

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