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Friday Funnies

Obama Pilgrims' Mandate

Henry Payne | 5.25.2012 7:00 AM

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NEXT: Brickbat: Hacked Off

Henry Payne
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  1. Fist of Etiquette   13 years ago

    Our first Native American president?

    1. Wilt Chamberlain   13 years ago

      Mulatto Indian?

    2. Xerxes   13 years ago

      Show the certificate

      1. Almanian's Evil Twin   13 years ago

        Show me the Carfax

        1. heller   13 years ago

          Show me the money

          1. sloopyinca   13 years ago

            Show me the way

  2. heller   13 years ago

    Um... What?

    1. Almanian's Evil Twin   13 years ago

      "piffle" - like the Bamster always says

  3. Bee Tagger   13 years ago

    Barack and Craig Stadler look like they would make perfect spooning companions.

    1. some guy   13 years ago

      They fit together like Mario and the Princess.

  4. heller   13 years ago

    You know what would make this perfect?

    The Statue of Liberty standing in the background shedding a solitary tear.

    1. Bee Tagger   13 years ago

      Nice

      1. heller   13 years ago

        I know right?

        http://www.theonion.com/articl.....rts,28260/

    2. John   13 years ago

      No. Elizabeth Warren in a canoe shedding a tear.

  5. invisible furry hand   13 years ago

    There's a boatload of illegal immigrants who cling to their guns and their god, and that's the best Obama can say? Or are the words being said by his homunculus?

    1. Drake   13 years ago

      The important thing is that they didn't have to pay for any healthcare.

    2. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      His teleprompter is up in the tree.

  6. heller   13 years ago

    It's ironic because the Puritans had many restrictions on religious freedom in the cities they founded. Celebrating Christmas was against the law in Boston from 1659 to 1681.

    1. invisible furry hand   13 years ago

      they hanged Quakers too, bless 'em

      1. General Butt Naked   13 years ago

        ...Salem witch trials...

      2. heller   13 years ago

        Yeah but Teh War on Christmas is the ultimate religious tyranny.

        1. Isaac Bartram   13 years ago

          Actually, the Quakers did not observe Christmas (or any other religious holidays as they saw them as having pagan origins). They would not even use the names of the days or the months because of their pagan roots.

          Of course, the difference is that the Quakers never tried to impose their religious beliefs on other people by force.

      3. Bucky   13 years ago

        and some how the Medici Pope was the ultimate in religious freedom?

        1. invisible furry hand   13 years ago

          no, but then again no-one here is asserting that. Not yet, anyway

          1. Eduard van Haalen   13 years ago

            the Medici Pope was the ultimate in religious freedom

      4. JoshSN   13 years ago

        And shoved burning hot metal rods through the tongues of those who would dare convert away from Congregationalism.

        They were like the Taliban.

        I guess that means Reason thinks Obama is just as religiously intolerant as that, but with a snooty attitude.

        I don't see how this is "ironic" though, so much as retarded.

    2. CockGobbla   13 years ago

      The Mayflower pilgrims were puritanical assholes.

      It's only in the Disney-fied romanticization form that they became known as a symbol of religious freedom...

      Granted, in the 21st century, the right to be a puritanical asshole is under attack, so maybe the symbolism has become appropriate.

      1. Tim   13 years ago

        "puritanical massholes" FIFY

      2. John   13 years ago

        It was the 17th Century. The entire world was full of puritanical assholes by our standards.

        1. CockGobbla   13 years ago

          True.

          But in the fuzzy-wuzzy mythology kids are taught since kindergarten, the Pilgrims and the Plymouth/Massachusetts Bay Colony exemplified America the genesis of American religious tolerance.

          I prefer to teach about the religious tolerance in the corporate colonies in the South. Virginia was downright atheistic in 18th century terms.

          1. Tim   13 years ago

            Yes, but could they paint with all the colors of the wind?

          2. CockGobbla   13 years ago

            My bad, I think I meant "Charter Colony" when referring to Virginia.

            Sorry, I was a premed in college, so I wasn't really concerned with my American Civ course.

          3. Eduard van Haalen   13 years ago

            The South?!?!? More tolerant?!?!?!

            OMG, I cannot compute, I must shut down...

        2. JoshSN   13 years ago

          Actually, Poland was multi-confessional.

          Transylvania (rump, non-Ottoman, non-Hapsburg) Hungary even tolerated Unitarians (anti-Trinitarians, who denied the divinity of Jesus).

          Transylvania was the most tolerant spot on the continent until the French Revolution.

          1. LemonMender   13 years ago

            Yes, it was the first state in the world with a legal guarantee of freedom of religion.

          2. CE   13 years ago

            Transylvania? Those blood-suckers were tolerant?

            1. JoshSN   13 years ago

              History has taught us that we all bleed, regardless of creed or color.

    3. Isaac Bartram   13 years ago

      Actually the Bay Colonists (Puritans is a bit of a misnomer as their were other nonconformists who were also considered Puritans) didn't want religious freedom at all. They wanted to be the official church and have exclusive control over all things both secular and religious.

      To them the established Church of England was a Papist heresy.

    4. D M Ryan   13 years ago

      Yes, it is ironic...and it serves as a cautionary tale for people looking at secession. The Puritans were in no way unique with the old switch: once liberated from from oppression, seizing the chance to become the oppressors.

      Paul Johnson, in Modern Times, shows that this was typical in the interwar period for nations that were liberated through irredentism. Religiosity, or secularism, was secondary.

  7. db   13 years ago

    The stark black and white of Puritanism, so judgmental and austere, is juxtaposed against the warm and lifegiving color of the enlightened Progressive. Skeletal lines form the ship of fools, sailing so close to dangerous rocks, while solid and strong trunks base Obama, his trusted advisors, and the tree firmly in the ground of reality.

    1. Barfman   13 years ago

      *barf*

      1. db   13 years ago

        Sweet! My first Barfman reaction!

    2. Almanian's Evil Twin   13 years ago

      *slwo, rhythmic clapping*

      1. Lord Humungus   13 years ago

        The Slwo trube were know for their rhythmic clapping. And the Clap.

        1. Mo' $parky   13 years ago

          Trube?

        2. Mo' $parky   13 years ago

          Is this the trube you're looking for?

          1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

            Google translated the first comment as "5 people have not rejoiced with the people breathed felt chest veins in rock music". As anon bot would say, makes perfect sense dude.

  8. Restoras   13 years ago

    This has to be among the weakest all recent efforts.

    Reason should do what Google does take submissions for a cartoon from the commentariat. Winner gets...

    1. heller   13 years ago

      But the Urkobold would win everytime...

    2. Lord Humungus   13 years ago

      a pony?

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder   13 years ago

      Restoration of anonymous posting rights

    4. PS   13 years ago

      A years supply of car wax.

      1. db   13 years ago

        A baby's arm holding an apple!

        1. Jesus H. Christ   13 years ago

          Aki no Tetoron wa Teijin desu

        2. Bucky   13 years ago

          A 'Tubes' reference, holy shit!

  9. Bucky   13 years ago

    wait just a minute...
    shouldn't that be a viking ship?

  10. Lord Humungus   13 years ago

    1.35/10 - did not laugh.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder   13 years ago

      I disagree - 1.25 max

  11. Almanian's Evil Twin   13 years ago

    If I were sage I would say
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  12. Mo' $parky   13 years ago

    This... thing... leaves me with such a sense of apathy that I can't even summon up a slightly humorous comment.

    Choose Henry Payne when Chip Bok isn't quite enough to crush the spirit.

    1. invisible furry hand   13 years ago

      Dunno why they don't hire him to write here instead - check his blog http://henrypayne.com/

      It can't be worse than some of the other things Reason prints.

      Also, I like his hope/hype joke.

      1. PS   13 years ago

        "It can't be worse than some of the other things Reason prints."

        Leave Steve Chapman alone!

  13. SugarFree   13 years ago

    STEVE SMITH NO LIKE PAPAZZIA... PAPPOAZIS... PAPPARDELLE... GRR! STEVE SMITH NO LIKE PHOTOGRAPHERS OR AUTOCORRECT!

    1. invisible furry hand   13 years ago

      wow, another cartoonist for STEVE SMITH to revenge-rape

    2. Butts Wagner   13 years ago

      popozao are the worst

  14. db   13 years ago

    So the Mayflower was Jabba's sail barge's sister ship? That thing could hover.

  15. Rich   13 years ago

    How about an alternative caption contest?

    "'Mayflower', indeed! It should be 'Cowpie of Distortion'."

  16. Tim   13 years ago

    Is the Mayflower Madam in this?

  17. Zombie Jimbo   13 years ago

    Sibelius doesn't have a mustache.

  18. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

    I don't get it. Who are the two guys? And what's the paper the white guy is holding? I need more labels.

  19. KPres   13 years ago

    OT: Freakonomics reads the Reason commentariat.

  20. buntpunt   13 years ago

    No way dud e thats jsut way too funny.

    http://www.Privacy-Nerds.tk

  21. CE   13 years ago

    In the 17th century, the Pilgrims risked their lives and their fortunes to cross the Atlantic to escape religious oppression at home.

    Today, President Obama risks your children's lives and squanders your fortunes across all the oceans in an effort to boost his chances for reelection and to reward his corporate backers.

  22. CE   13 years ago

    Don't you need a monocle to say words like "piffle"?

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