Reason Writers on The Alyona Show: Lucy Steigerwald on George Lucas vs. Rich Neighbors, Lysol-Spraying Moms, and Cellphone Confiscations at Obama Fundraisers

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Associate Editor Lucy Steigerwald discusses moms spraying Lysol on dancing teens, George Lucas building low income housing, and the Obama campaign confiscating donors' cell phones on the Alyona Show's Happy Hour. Airdate: May 15, 2012.

6.34 minutes.

NEXT: Obama Bio-bombs Presidential History on White House Website

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  1. I registered on Reason’s website specifically to comment on your RT appearance but I don’t have anything clever to say. 🙁

    1. That makes two of us?

      *rimshot*

      1. Hey thanks for not hat-tipping me on that wrongful execution story I sent you yesterday, and which you then posted.

        1. Shut up, Jimbo. We’re talking about Lysol douches here.

          1. How can you be so insensitive to poor Jimbo? This isn’t some joking matter to him. A Lysol douche killed his father in ‘Nam.

          2. Seems like a good time to hawk ShamWows too, Warty. Which you won’t. Because you’re so gobsmackingly incompetent and the worst salesman I have ever seen. I wouldn’t trust you to geld sheep, much less masterbate them.

            If there was ever a time to hawk a ShamWow, Lysol douching is it. Pathetic.

            1. Shouldn’t you be liquefying corpses to make Corpsebrau, GM? I need that fluid you promised me.

            2. OK, what kind of doctor can’t spell masturbate?? You’re a Canadian non-doctor, I know it!

              1. Huh? What? Where you saying something, Kristen? I was staring at your ass. I was distracted. MALE GAZE!

                1. Kristen is a girl?! Man, and all this time I thought I was having gay urges.

                  1. She is. She’s so hot, I forgot how to masturbate properly, let alone spell it correctly.

                    1. Yeah, I’m hot. I’m 40-years-old – it’s called hormones!!

                    2. I’m 40-years-old…

                      You’re a girl, presumably with a pulse, and on this website. You’re good.

                    3. Jimbo missed my perimenopoause/hotflash joke

                    4. The change of life does not concern him.

        2. Dude! I meant to thank you for it, but I already knew about it, ergo not a technical hat tip situation. Sorry. Was blogging it earlier, but the above interrupted.

          I always hat tip when it is called for, sir. Always.

          1. Don’t thank Jimbo. Do you want to encourage him? Just call him fat until he goes away.

          2. Pfft, it’s highly suspicious that I send you a story early in the day, then you post it like 12 hours later and claim to have, “already known about it”.

            This is why we need more regulations. If there was federal oversight of the hat-tipping process, angry, broken men like me wouldn’t be reduced to finding comfort in cheap booze and loose women, desperately trying to fill the all-devouring void in the center of our souls.

          3. Also, Warty, I just got some lab results back, and I think you need to get yourself checked out. Also, we need to call the phone tree and let SF, Epi, Groovus, and everybody else know they may be at risk.

            1. No, dude, don’t tell them. It’ll be hilarious to see the look on their faces when they die of it.

        3. Balko did that to me once, too. Must be a Reason thing.

  2. I will save everyone the 6 minutes: Lucy does not grab all the martinis and guzzle them down.

    Lucy, I am disappoint.

    1. That makes two of us 🙁

    2. Haven’t you ever seen the one where Nick reveals the shocking truth that those are totally not real martinis?

      We were all disappoint that day.

      1. Not real? Are they vodka martinis or some other sort of vile concoction?

        1. Jagerquila-sec Vodka…

          *barf*

      2. You are kidding. Water? Christ. Women.

    3. I can’t up-vote this? We need to implement that!

    4. I can’t up-vote this? We need to implement that!

    5. I can’t up-vote this? We need to implement that!

    6. I can’t up-vote this? We need to implement that!

    7. I can’t up-vote this? We need to implement that!

  3. Can’t watch this right now, but I have a question: is this your first TV interview, Lucy? I knew you were doing trench work for reason.tv, but “real” TV is big time.

    1. +3!

  4. OK, this is a little “View-ish” for me (SEEEEEEEEEXIST!), but I gotta agree with, WHO THE FUCK BRINGS LYSOL TO A SCHOOL DANCE?!

    Unless you were dating [name redacted] – then we all understand. But other than that? Srsly – WTF?

    1. They also could have just scored it out of the janitor’s closet. Janitors will give you anything for a little flash of suburban mom thigh in my experience.

      1. True. Couldn’t they have thrown some of that green-sawdust-toxic-barf-collector stuff that all janitors custodians have?

        You wanna break up some dirty dancing, THAT shit will clear a dance floor…

        1. If Lysol was good enough to clean lady-parts, it’s good enough to shame teens with. Some traditions exist for a reason.

          1. Some traditions exist for a reason.

            Drink!

          2. I wanted to work that in somewhere, I swear! I was just struck by how awkwardly literal it was. Did they think Lysol will actually cleanse the sin of grinding teens?

            1. Or they were trying to give the girls an awkward sort of Lysol douche, which was used as a contraceptive method for decades. Sort of a very wet and caustic morning after pill.

              1. The burn lets you know it’s working!

  5. What happened there Lucy? You seemed like the kid that got shoved in the locker. You gotta be more assertive. You should have knocked that mouthy blonde out so you could have a chance to speak.

    1. I was homeschooled. I didn’t grind on ladies or get shoved in any lockers, dang it.

      But no, you’re fair enough. First time and all.

      1. I didn’t grind on ladies or get shoved in any lockers, dang it.

        It’s never to late to start!

      2. Well, you’ll get em next time I’m sure. Just don’t be so shy, there’s a reason you were invited.

        1. there’s a Reason you were invited.

          FIFY

      3. Lucy, my kids are homeschooled and can be total assholes. Your folks clearly blew that lesson.

        Not to mention my kids would all complain about the martini. Well, the boys anyway.

    2. Whatever are you talking about? I only saw one woman in the clip.

  6. “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets” – Ron Swanson

    1. +Lucy

  7. Missed opportunity on the Lucas thing. Should’ve said something like, “The more time he spends trying to help the poor, the less he’s spending making more terrible Star Wars follow-ups. It’s a win-win.”

  8. As an aside, I’m seriously enthralled by the sultry Slavic wimmins, but Alyona just doesn’t do anything for me.

    1. She’s getting up there in years, I think. She might as well put the babushka on.

      Mmmmm, Slavs.

      1. As long as you weren’t talking about Slavs.

        1. Good lord…That woman’s likeness is all over the place in Donetsk. I think she looks very unnatural, but then I don’t like fake boobz. I’d take Alyona over Valeria.

          1. It’s weird how much she creeps me out, I usually like a woman with eyes devoid of hope.

            1. It reminds me of that Reason pic of Jennifer Granholm, the automaton one. Except I’d take Valeria over JG. I’d take Jim over JG. With sprinkles and Rip Taylor throwing confetti.

              1. I’d take Jim over JG.

                [wearing lipstick with junk tucked between legs]

                I’d fuck me.

              2. Thank you for mentioning Rip Taylor. I had him confused with Rip Torn for the last five years.

      2. She might as well put the babushka on.

        You do know The Babooshka Gene hits around age forty, right? When I move to UKR, you can visit and have a Slav-fest. Not every Slav woman has the gene though. Alyona doesn’t, FWICT. Anya Chapman…that’s a ticking time bomb.

        1. There were a whole bunch of sexy related Ukranian girls at my high school. I wonder how many are slouching toward babushkaness now.

        2. It’s earlier than 40; more like 35. I’ve always wondered why the same doesn’t happen to the Scandanavian races, since they live in the same sort of climatic conditions as the northern Slavs.

          1. Is this where I jump in and talk about how all the womyn of Mexican heritage start to pork out in their late 20’s?

            You gotta be careful with that Hispanic shit – one day FIIIIIINE – the next – POOF! Blimpz

            1. I hope that’s not racist. OR sexist.

            2. Fuck off, racist. Go back to Stormfront.

            3. I was going to say the same, actually. I’ve noticed it with Mexican women as well.

          2. I’ve always wondered why the same doesn’t happen to the Scandanavian races

            It does, but it hits the men. It’s sex-linked. In every sense of the term. Scandi wimmins tend not to gain weight as they age. It may be all the lutefisk.

            1. And here I thought it was all the aquavit and crippling depression.

              1. There is that too. The Scandies do have an unusual tendency towards both depression and suicide. No joke. Alcoholism is a popular pastime in Norway and Sweden. It was in Ivanovo, too; Muscovites can drink. Donetsk, not quite so much. Drinking habits are pretty good indicator if you are dealing with a Ukrainian as opposed to a Russk.

                1. Hard to tell the difference in eastern Ukraine. They think they’re Russians.

                  1. They think they’re Russians.

                    I see you have been to Kiev.

    2. Anyone know how much this applies to Poles?

    3. I’m seriously enthralled by the sultry Slavic wimmins, but Alyona just doesn’t do anything for me.

      You do realize Alyona is just an American that RT hired right?

      1. You do realize Alyona Minkovski was born in Moscow to Russk nationals, right?

        She may be naturalized Amerikanskoe, but she’s as Russk as it gets.

  9. I feel compelled to address the babushka comments. While it is a true phenomenon it often doesnt happen until mid 50s (at least for the ones here in the US). I know a number of Russians/Slavs that are 45, 47, 42 etc. that are still smoking hot.

    1. I know a number of Russians/Slavs that are 45, 47, 42 etc. that are still smoking hot.

      So do I. The median age of 40, give or take a year, is my personal observation, my Trite Trope Pilfering friend. 🙂

      I never said all Russk/Slav possess The Babooshka Gene, and nor were you accusing of such. We just disagree on when it expresses.

      1. it may be entirely a function of suppression. Perhaps the MTV culture, high fat diet, and excessive consumption of cosmopolitans (which incidentally they seem to have difficulty ordering with their accents) of state side Slavs that prolongs full expression of the gene. I do however believe that all will exhibit some symptoms eventually. Can’t fight destiny.

  10. That was almost as bad as watching The View. Staggeringly vapid.

    1. Vapid? Anything that generates this much fun in comments is gold.
      Vapid comment-er is VAPID.

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