A.M. Links: Nanoprobes for U.S. Troops, White House Invite for Hollande, Joe Biden Comfortable With Same Sex Marriage or Maybe Not


  • nerd alert

    DARPA plans to develop nanoprobes to inject into U.S. troops for monitoring and tactical purposes, calling it a "truly disruptive innovation".

  • Could Ron Paul supporters learn something from Israeli settlers? Haaretz reports on the first night of the Likud party convention:  "Few of the settlers, who had been democratically elected to the convention, are likely to vote for the Likud. They care not a wit for Netanyahu or his ambitions. They came early and grabbed most of the seats to signal to him that he cannot do as he pleases in his party. The festive event quickly turned into a sweaty performance of heckling, yelling and catcalls."
  • President Barack Obama invited the French President-elect, Socialist Francois Hollande, to the White House.  "[H]e looks forward to working closely with Mr Hollande and his government on a range of shared economic and security challenges," Jay Carney said in a statement.
  • Despite saying he's "totally comfortable" with same-sex marriage (like the last Vice President!), the White House insists Joe Biden's on the same page as the President—against doing anything about it.
  • Channel 4 in New Orleans sees a trend towards more gun ownership, because of the crime.
  • A United Nations investigator says the U.S should return some of its stolen land to Native Americans, because of discrimination.

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  1. Channel 4 in New Orleans sees a trend towards more gun ownership, because of the crime.

    Or causing the crime? Dun dun dunnnnnn…

  2. A United Nations investigator says the U.S should return some of its stolen land to Native Americans, because of discrimination.

    Sounds like a lot of real estate across the globe should be changing hands then, once the investigator starts looking around.

    1. Let’s just give *everything* back to the Neanderthals and be done with it.

    2. But this is different, because the Indians had treaties, that the government broke. The others were simply killed and their lands taken, so no harm no foul.

    3. Europe is going to get very crowded when all the white people have to move back. Or are we pushing a lot of them back to the steppes?

      1. Europe is going to get very crowded when all the white people have to move back.

        When that happens, all the European Muslims will complain that the Amero-European ‘settlers’ are occupying ‘their land’.

        1. then they’ll complain about us taking their jobs.

          “Dey tuk yer jerbz!”


          1. “Bok-bok, bakaaaw!”

      2. How’s this going to work for all of the mutts like me? Do I get a proportional share of a lot in each of Bergen, Stockholm, London, Minsk, and Kiev?

        1. Yes. I would decline on principle however. Like you, I am a mutt – my ancestors came from many many places. The only thing they had in common was that they looked around them, decided the place sucked, and moved. So to take a proportion would be to doubt the wisdom of their disdain, an act of filial disloyalty

          1. The (likely false or exaggerated) story is the Belarus Jews in my family left Minsk, bribing the German border guards with Vodka, after the Bolsheviks decapitated our bourgeois patriarch and hung his head outside the door of the family residence. Based on the incredibly small likelihood that this is true, accepting a share of Minsk is a family obligation, because fuck those commie bastards.

            1. That is… insane. I don’t want your family members dead or anything, but please let that story be true!

              1. The timing of the family’s emigration supports the claim (my mother has my great grandmother’s Imperial Russian passport), and it’s a cool story so I kind of hope it’s true even though it means an ancestor of mine died a notably barbaric death.

                I’ve long since acknowledged the unlikelihood that I have any distant relatives in that part of the world. Between WWI, the Russian Revolution, the purges, and the Holocaust it’s unlikely that anyone from a family of upper class Jews survived.

            2. Well you made a long journey from Milan to Minsk, KDN KDN!

              1. Tried to put in the music notes in, but the squirrels objected.

        2. You are to be divided proportionally.


    4. So obviously the first land to be given back should be the land that UN headquarters sits on in NYC.

    5. this post was obviously a WI trap.

      1. Why do you want to trap the state of Wisconsin?

        1. the precious cheese supply.

          1. “The state of [Wisconsin] apologizes to no one for its cheese production!”

          2. Give us the cheese, and there will be an end to the horror.

            1. My prisoners say you sent them out this morning to find some snacks, a box of crackers big enough to serve that fat can of Easy Cheese.

    6. Obviously most of the land stealing from American Indians is too far in the past to be rectified now. But the federal government still owns a lot of land that is nicer than most of the reservations. Could give them some of that without having to do any new stealing of land.

      1. And how will they compensate the rest of the taxpayers (are the Indians on reservations required to pay federal income taxes?) for the value lost in the land transfers? Are we to continue getting fucked for injustices of the past?

        1. I don’t know, give them the national parks. That’d save some money. But, yeah, probably the best thing is just to say “no more stealing from now on”. I just feel like the Indians were so totally fucked over by the US for such a long time that they ought to have something better. But I suppose at some point you have to let the past be the past. You can’t fix everything.

          1. I like the give-them-the-national-parks idea, mostly because it resembles the Fremen situation in God Emperor of Dune.

          2. the indians lost. Similar things happened around the world to lots of people. Most of them have moved past the griefer stage. Besides, seems the more “help” the feds give the Indians, the worse the outcomes for tribe members.

            1. Perhaps the various tribes should be given the choice of either being completely autonomous on the reservations (with no subsidy) or losing any special status.
              Ultimately, I guess I agree, though. You can’t cling to the past and you can’t hold people responsible for the actions of their ancestors.

          3. I’d say the slaves were fucked as bad as the Indians. So if we give the redskins the national parks, what do the descendants of slaves get? And how about the Chinese guys who built the railroads? And the Micks who were discriminated against when they got here?

            Nope. Sorry your ancestors were treated like shit. Good luck moving on from that.

            1. So if we give the redskins the national parks, what do the descendants of slaves get?

              Citizenship in a country where they are far better off than they would be in Africa?

            2. Well, all of the noble Irish who were just Othered should at least get to divide up Sloopy’s possessions and vital organs as they see fit.

              1. I’m like 1/2 Kraut, 3/8 Mick and 1/8 Injun.

                Let’s just say I likes to drink.

          4. The Indians who were fucked are no longer alive and neither are the people who did the fucking. The ones being fucked today are being fucked by the federal government’s “help” as wareagle pointed out.

      2. The other question is, how retroactive does one make the reparations.

        If you check the history you’ll find that there was plenty of land stealing going on in pre-Columbian times. Not to mention that it continued into colonial times with aliances shifting such that at times tribes allied with whites were stealing land from tribes allied with other whites.

        History is rarely the simple monochrome narrative grievance promoters make it out to be.

        The tradition of the strong taking possession of the most territory was well established before whites showed up. The only change whites made was in the balance of power.

    7. An enterprising journalist would do well to get Elizabeth Warren’s take on this.

    8. The patch of ground my ass is sitting on right now was stolen from the natives by the Spanish. I’m thinking Spain needs the reparations cash more than the natives, though.

    9. If you are of the genus ‘homo’ and you don’t live in Africa, you are an immigrant.

      If you are of the species ‘homo sapiens’, and you don’t live in Africa, it is highly likely that you or your ancestors killed for the land you live on.

      When stuff like this comes up, I really don’t mind the piping so much, y’know?

    1. Looks like my squatting on NativeAmericanLands.com is going to come to a screeching halt.

      1. No gamboling for you.

        1. “The U.N.’s International Telecommunication Union”

          We are soooooo fucked.

          1. From the WSJ:

            “Authoritarian regimes want to prohibit anonymity on the Web, making it easier to find and arrest dissidents.”

            Our very own Teams would love to “find and arrest dissidents”, as well.

  3. Snot-nosed little ratfuck punk carves initials into poor innocent turtle in 1965; his father finds same turtle alive and well 47 years later.

    1. That’s nothing, I carved my initials in Strom Thurmond’s ass way back in 1746.

    2. seriously, everybody knows you’re supposed to put band stickers on turtles, not carve on them.

      “Hey, that turtle is a Stones fan”


  4. Why Colleges Don’t Teach the Federalist Papers
    t America’s top schools, graduates leave without reading our most basic writings on the purpose of constitutional self-government.

    1. The Federalist Papers are just statist propaganda anyway. They should be reading The Anti-Federalist Papers instead. The country has been heading toward more centralized control since the Constitution superseded the Articles of Confederation.

      1. Here in Ohio it’s been decreed that our founding documents will be taught in the public schools. Care to guess who erupted in protest?

        1. Wait. Since when do they not teach about the founding documents in public schools?

          1. In public school, I was only ever formally taught about the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Articles of Confederation and the Anti/Federalist Papers were all extracurricular, although they were briefly reviewed in my Early American History course in college. Very briefly.

        2. Care to guess who erupted in protest?

          This is my guess. And I pray to God I am correct, for more than one reason.

          1. I used to have a subscription to the WWN, back around the era of Bat Boy (in fact, I had an actual copy of the Bat Boy paper. I should have held onto it; who knew it would go on to become famous). I always thought working there would be the best job ever, sitting around all day and making shit up to write about. It is nice to know some things in life stay the same. For some reason I thought Ed Anger retired, though.

            1. A friend of a friend was a freelance photographer and was hired by the WWN to stage a “wedding picture” of a fake groom and fake bride in some Eastern European country. The story was to be about the bride actually being dead at the time of the wedding.

              Never mind that the signage on the church where the photo was staged was in English and somewhere in Virginia.

              When I heard that story I thought that it would be a helluva lot of fun to work at WWN.

            2. I had a subscription to the WWN in the mid 80’s while I was in the Marines.

              The best thing about them is that they regularly promoted me on the shipping label. I went from Lance Coolie all the way up to Lt. Col if I remember correctly.

              It got to be a running joke at mail call. The enlisted guys loved it when I finally was promoted from Gunny to Lt., the officers not so much.

              Someone down in Lantana, FL must have had a great sense of humor.

      2. Wasn’t more centralized control the purpose of the Constitution superseding the Articles of Confederation?

    2. I’m reading them for the first time. I’m about 20% complete. Gotta say, as a product of the public school system, wading through 10 pages of Hamilton or Madison to get one or two nuggets of wisdom…HURTZ!

    3. Humanities? LOL

  5. President Barack Obama invited the French President-elect, Socialist Francois Hollande, to the White House.

    Wouldn’t a true Socialist become incensed when getting bowed to?

    1. Not a French one.

  6. Voter backlash revives Europe debt fears

    Elections in France and Greece over the weekend delivered a protest vote against austerity that was far more severe than anticipated as voters abandoned the centre and fled to the fringes, with the resulting political turmoil once again creating the spectre of economic upheaval.

    1. Down with reality! Up with free stuff!

    2. What’s that I hear? Is it the sound of default coming?

      1. Could be the sound of Germany unpacking the Deutsche Mark printing machines.

        1. and racking their assault rifles.

          1. STG-44s?

            okay, I’ve been playing too much Red Orchestra 2.

            1. Beautiful rifle.

            2. I’ve wanted to get one of those for a while. The ammo is coming back on the market. Original, registered F/A war bringbacks are fetching about $12k last I checked. Someone’s building a semiauto version too.

          2. and racking their assault rifles.

            This is a possibility. Wars start from when alliances go bad.

            1. from

        2. I am kind of wondering when the Germans are going to get tired of carrying the rest of Europe. I know a German guy who claims it won’t happen because the EU makes cross-country trade a lot more convenient and inexpensive for the average German, but I would have to think that the average German might be getting sick and tired. There were German mutterings the first time Greece had one of its “I want FREE STUFF NOW!!” temper tantrums; the muttering must be a lot louder now.

          1. Germany isn’t carrying the rest of Europe. It’s leeching. The euro is set up to defend Franco-German banking interests at the expense of the rest of Europe. It’s working exactly as designed. Poor Germany? LOL

            1. Yes, the question should be when are the regular German taxpayers going to wake up and realize their bankers are schtupping them?

    3. Cause they’ve been austere for, what, 9 months? An ungovernable population coming to a shore near you!

      1. Even worse than that, if you define austerity as reducing spending and cutting budgets, then there was none at all. The most that happened was decreasing the rate of spending increases, in absolute terms more is still being spent than before. Predictably the politicians have created the cheap talking points that “austerity failed”, it did not even get started !

        1. Plus, most of them RAISED taxes, which is why I laugh when they claim that people like me want “austerity”.

        2. Is there any proof that the most that happened was decreasing the rate of spending increases?

    4. Eurozone iceberg! Right Ahead!

  7. Seven of Nine Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One’s husband helped bring us Barack Obama.

    1. RACIST!

      (Unless that’s not fried chicken she’s eating.)

      1. if it was replicated, does the fried chicken still carry its racist implications?

        1. OK, Banjos and I had this discussion last night. When Geordi created his little sex fantasy in Dr Brahms in the holodeck and had sex with her (we all know his little story to her that he didn’t was total bullshit), when he ended the program, what happened to his, you know, stuff? Is there a holodeck cleaning crew akin to the jizz-moppers referenced in Clerks? We know the holodeck isn’t just a replicator because programs can’t leave it. So that explanation is bullshit.

          No, I’m thinking there’s a jizz-mopper crew that cleans the holodecks whenever people are done.

          And another thing, was the gay gene eradicated in the future? There’s not a single openly gay person in the Star Trek universe. Not a single one. Was homosexuality in the future so disgusting to people that gays reverted back to keeping their lifestyle in the closet? If so, it’s shameful.

          1. No gay people in Star Trek?

            1. http://www.startreknewvoyages.com/

              In this web-based fanfic series, Kirk has a gay nephew as a crew member.

              Some of the episodes were written by TOS writers, and there have been cameos by several stars and guest stars, so IMO it’s canon.

              Plus… not bad, for an amateur production.

              1. You can’t count fanfic as canon. I’m standing behind my assertion that they are either a society that does not accept openly gay people or they’ve eradicated the gay gene. I’m willing to bet it’s the former.

                1. Maybe gay people are just off enjoying themselves, rather than flying around the stars stirring up trouble and marching around in doofy uniforms.

                2. Shit, sloop, some of the episode scripts were written for the original series. IMO, that’s canon.

                  1. If that’s the case, then I will accept that they are canon.

                    H&R to the rescue!

                    1. Bonus: The episodes aren’t bad. The cast aren’t seasoned actors, but they do okay… but overall, considering the budget restraints, it’s worth watching.

                3. Starfleet has DADT.

            2. I meant openly gay. Lest we also forget he wanted to hit this, but that little hypnogame got in the way.

              1. Uh-huh. Sure. What that actually was was the typical story of the closeted gay guy dating the cute chick so that she ends up doubting her sexual attractiveness, mis-trusting men forever and taking it out on the straight guys she dates later in life by eating.

                1. Wow, SF, is that how it works? Interesting.

          2. It probably just gets broken down into energy for the replicators. “You like the soup? We made it from Geordi’s junk ooze.”

            1. So the holodeck is also a big replicator? It would have to know what organic matter to de-replicate when a program is ended. That sounds like bullshit to me. If it was the case, nobody would ever take showers. They’d just go to the holodeck and have it clean them.

              Also, any accident where the replicator on the holodeck the wrong organic matter would be deadly or harmful.

              That theory is nonsense, SF. Nonsense!

              1. It would have to know what organic matter to de-replicate when a program is ended. That sounds like bullshit to me.

                if ( (organicMatter – userMatter) > 0) )

              2. Even if your dream-job of jizz-mopper did exist, it all ends up in the replicators anyway.

                Leela: And that sandwich your eating is made out of old, discarded sandwiches. Nothing just gets thrown away.

                Fry: The future is disgusting!

                I never understood why they even have toilets. Just transport it all straight out of the body. Hell, transport out stomach contents after you eat. High-tech bulimia.

                1. Even if your dream-job of jizz-mopper did exist

                  You’re very confident it doesn’t

                  1. Holodeck jizz-mopper, you Southern Hemisphere pedant.

                    1. The invisible non-officers on the ship have to do something.

                2. Just transport it all straight out of the body.

                  Based on the time they transported Worf a new spine, I don’t think the transporters are accurate enough for that sort of operation on a day to day basis.

                  1. The future fails us again.

                3. Did you ever notice that Samantha Stevens never took a dump on Bewitched?

                  1. it’s worth mentioning that there is a scene in battlestar galactica where Adama takes a dump.

          3. I don’t see why the holodeck can’t have access to the transporters for cleanup needs.

            Protein resequencing….

            1. dammit SF.

          4. I hope he didn’t turn off the safety protocols, or he might have a little holo-Geordi waiting for him the next time.

            And another thing, was the gay gene eradicated in the future?

            Teh Gheys were traded, along with the Jews, to the Ferengi for some nice Latimum and slave girls.

            1. Latimum? So the Ferengi, who dominate all of the intergalactic trade, don’t use fiat currency? Interesting…

              1. intragalactic. we would have also accepted “interstellar.”

                1. intragalactic. we would have also accepted “interstellar.”

                  They were pretty fond of wormholes, IIRC from the episode where Troi fell in love with Lloyd Braun. Did all wormholes bring the people out in the same galaxy?

                  1. I continue to be creeped out more by his dead eyes than any other creature in the Star Trek universe, including Guinan.

                    1. It was a sign of his serenity.

                      Of course, he went insane later.

                  2. They were pretty fond of wormholes

                    Wormholes that connected to other parts of the same galaxy…

              2. “Gold-pressed” Latnium, at that. Latnium cannot be replicated and the gold is just a carrier medium because it is semi-toxic and liquid at room temp.

              3. Yes, PRes, there is a lot to be learned from the Great Material Continuum.

          5. I think the transporters are programmed to alter one’s DNA during reconstitution to remove socially unacceptable traits like homosexuality and understanding of basic economics.

            1. Wait, that would make Dr Pulaski the most authentic person on the ship. And I fucking hated her.

          6. Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood.

          7. Human Homosexuality is a casualty of the Eugenics Wars.

    2. Actually, Obama got Ryan’s divorce papers unsealed, after Obama pulled other dirty legal tricks against his other opponents before Ryan.

    3. How did a French chef bring us BO?

    1. Shocking. Kids exposed to animal and plant dusts on a regular basis not oversensitive to those dusts. Amazing, just amazing.

        1. The article suggests that raw milk might be involved.

          1. SWAT to the rescue! Stat!

        2. Lord, is that a Benny Hill reference???

    2. I’ve been pretty well convinced for a while that the reason so many people seem to have allergies to various things these days is the lack of exposure to lots of dirt and dust as children. The immune system needs to be exposed to lots of things to work properly. Whoever decided that every hand soap in the world should be antibacterial should be shot.

      1. Whoever decided that every hand soap in the world should be antibacterial should be shot.

        Locking that person in a barn would be sufficient.

        Also, Fuck Off, Hand Sanitizer.

      2. I have allergies of all stripes (over fifty!), despite being exposed to plenty of dirt, dust, and dander as a child.

        1. Well, some people are just naturally defective.

          1. Fair. I also have terrible eyesight, a concave chest, asthma, possible Marfan’s, and hypocomplementemia (which is the only reason my allergies haven’t killed me). The fact that I’m not dead is sort of a testament to the ability of modern science to tell nature to fuck off.

            1. According to White Indian and other assorted environmentalists and progressives, you are an abomination unto Gaia and should be sacrificed to the greater good.

              1. IOW, keep up the good work.

            2. I take it your job application to Gattaca was rejected?

              1. I take it your job application to Gattaca was rejected?

                There’s a reason you guys haven’t seen Jude Law in a few years: he’s locked up in my basement.

      3. It’s actually lack of exposure to parasites, since the cells that mediate allergy response are responsible for defending the body against many protozoan and metazoan parasites. So, those who have tapeworm tend to have less allergies.

        1. stop trying to get between me and my tapeworm. Nothing can stop our love.

          1. Prairie doggin’ the tapeworm?

        2. So that’s why I’ve rarely been sick after drinking beaver pond water through a some sort of dried, hollow reed stem! (my Ma was freaking out and convinced we were going to die. My Pa just said “Meh”).

          1. I got hit in the face with a full stream of secondary wastewater at a sewage treatment plant once. Haven’t had a cold for nearly a decade since.

            1. Jesus. That’s like swimming in Boston Harbor or the Cuyahoga.

              1. My Ma spent her childhood swimming in Lake Erie, just down the way from the Cuyahoga. She doesn’t get a lot of colds or flus, but she does have bladder cancer.

                1. I praise Lake Erie for my amazing immune system.

                  Never had any issues until I moved to Arizona. Stupid allergies & college students.

            2. I got hit in the face with a full stream of secondary wastewater at a sewage treatment plant once. Haven’t had a cold for nearly a decade since.

              Are you Spider man?

              1. Spider-Man got bit by a radioactive spider. I took a stream of secondary shit-plant water in the face. Take a guess at where my superpowers lie.

                1. You make skidmarks and smell bad?

            3. Lol, reminds me of when I used to work at a marina during the summer when I was younger. One of the smoking hot dock girls didn’t get the hose to pump out the shit tank hooked up correctly to a boat and blasted herself with raw sewage, screamed her head off, and dove into the lake (which was just as disgusting as the sewage, in my opinion).

  8. Joe Biden Comfortable With Same Sex Marriage or Maybe Not

    Who’s the lucky fellow?

    1. “Vice President Plugs Gay Marriage”

    1. It offers a more sweeping vision of government’s place in society, in which the individual depends on the state at every stage of life, and no decision – personal, educational, entrepreneurial, sexual – can be contemplated without the promise that it will be somehow subsidized by Washington.

    2. “…slogan-writing process had been a struggle for the White House…”

      No shit. When every fucking thing they have tried has been a complete disaster, what can they say to plug themselves? What amazes me is how they doggedly stay the course when failure after failure plainly shows that it is the wrong one.

      1. Come on, Win The Future was excellent. Almost as good as our PM’s attempt to rally the base with a reassertion of Labor values – “We are us”. Actually she’s apparently very matey with Obama, and her first name is Julia – could she be the inspiration for the crappy little ad for state intervention, cradle to grave?

        1. She may be part of the composite.

      2. God, the comments at that NYT link are fucking sick.

        1. I can’t even muster any outrage any more.

  9. Fill in the blank joke time!

    The festive event quickly turned into a sweaty performance of heckling, yelling and catcalls.

    Sounds just like my ________________!

    1. last trip to the vet.

    2. Senior prom!

    3. Sounds just like my ________________!

      . . . birth!

    4. Hit & Run

    5. bris

    6. first sexual experience.

    7. most recent sexual experience

    8. children

    9. divorce hearing.

    10. Libertarian Party Convention

    11. breakfast.

    12. staff meeting

    13. …time in India in the days of the Raj…

    14. I’ll just put this here.

      Racist? You make the call.

    15. Average weekday afternoon.

    16. …last visit to the DMV.

    17. ….bedroom last night!

    18. Recent proctology exam.

    19. John’s honeymoon

  10. the White House insists Joe Biden’s on the same page as the President

    The White House would like everyone to go ahead and ignore everything he says, frankly.

    1. This is one White House policy that I support 100%

  11. Maria Menounos is still good enough to eat!


  12. Kate Moss at her worst it still better than most at their best.


    1. OMG, she looks horrib…like a supermodel with messy hair!

  13. Milla Jovovich is still hot!


    1. I’ve always liked Milla; she comes across as endearingly goofy.

      1. The only thing I’ve ever seen her in was Zoolander. Could anything match her greatness in that?

        1. She is at her peak in The Fifth Element.

          Leeloo Dallas Multipass is the hottest Sci-Fi character of all time.

          Plus, I thought she did a great job acting in that movie. And “endearingly goofy”.

          1. Yes. Absolutely.

            1. Its her eyes.

              Goofy hair, goofy outfits, a character who cant speak english, but she acts thru her eyes in that movies. Even the still images from it show emotion.

          2. I liked everything about that movie. I never understood why it did so badly.

            1. too much fishnet fashion.

            2. I liked Hudson Hawk too.

              The Bruce Willis off-beat movies dont do well, for some reason. I didnt even know about The Fifth Element until it was on video.

            3. Its also the only movie that I can stand Chris Tucker in.

              1. What robc said about Chris Tucker – he’s hilarious in Fifth Element. Everything else – he’s just annoying.

                Plus – Milla jovovich is still hot.

            4. I never understood why it did so badly.

              Because it was stupid and anti-climactic?

              1. You are stupid and anti-climactic.

                [I have no better comeback than that]

                1. You are stupid and anti-climactic.

                  I see you’ve been talking with my wife.

                  1. stupid and anti-climactic or boring and pedantic.


          3. The Fifth Element.

            One of my faves and I’m in agreement with your assessment. Even Chris Tucker was tolerable at his *most* intolerable.

        2. I think you are confusing her with Ben Stiller. Easy mistake, I’ve done it several times.

        3. Give her album The Divine Comedy a listen. There’s some decent material on there. I was surprised that it came from a supermodel.

          1. She plays with Puscifer, too.

      2. MULTIPASS!

        1. She knows it’s a Multipass.

  14. The Earth is trapped in a bubble! Heeelllllllppppp!


    1. As you can see, [the Sun] is travelling along a purple path.

      And if you squint a little, it’s leaving a stream of turtles.

    2. Clearly the methane problem is getting out of hand.

    1. Since the case of Baby P

      Well, I can’t really blame people for not adopting a baby named “P”.

    2. To be fair, the social workers have given fair warning to potential adopters that they won’t really be allowed to raise these kids as they see fit without lots of interference.

      1. But to also be fair, those really are some terrible names.

      2. To be fair, when “social workers” are putting political correctness above the welfare of the babies, are they still “social workers,” or just “apparatchiks?”

  15. 7 of 9 was the best thing about Voyager.

    1. The navy flew her out to my ship as part of their propaganda operations (aimed at keeping influential people impressed with the Navy).

      She wore stilleto-heeled boots. She had a devil of a time with the gratings on the ladders and surrounding the flight-deck because her heels kept getting stuck.

      She looked like skeletor. My roommates – assuming that since I loved sci-fi I would be drooling over her – were surprised when they realized I wasn’t joking that I had no clue who this scary animated skeleton wearing laughably awkward footwear was. I’ve never watched a single episode of Voyager.

      1. She had a devil of a time with the gratings on the ladders and surrounding the flight-deck because her heels kept getting stuck

        I’m no expert on heels, but couldn’t a coordinated, dextrous person step on the balls of their feet to keep the heels out of shit?

        1. A ship is not a stable platform. Even the carrier heels over and the people inside experience sideways forces as the ship turns.

          1. stop exposing what a landlubber I be.

    2. “7 of 9 was the best thing about Voyager.”

      7 of 9 found resisting The Most Interesting Man in the World to be futile.

  16. Mondays suck. No link. Just a statement.

    1. No link is needed. It’s axiomatic.

      1. Here’s a link to it that will work in America. I love that album.

    2. a-fucking-men, brother.

      My son had a lax tournament all day saturday and a baseball double-header yesterday. Then, we get home and he quickly drops with the flu and I was up all night with him. Bad, bad way to start the week.

      1. lax tournament: competitive laxative consumption

  17. The two projects have yet to link up, but their similar goals suggest the military could benefit from coordinating efforts with leading university scientists.

    And the leading university scientists could totally benefit from the military completely taking control of their work.

    1. This is what Libertopia would become!!!!

      1. derp – meant for below.

    1. That is the least stupid thing I have ever seen in the Daily Mail. Very interesting.

  18. oh, this is just asking for trouble:

    Why College Football Should Be Banned

    The costs are high, the benefits to students are low, argues Buzz Bissinger. And academics pay the price

    1. The costs are high, the benefits to students are low…. And academics pay the price

      Why the Department of Education Should Be Banned

      1. And academics pay the price

        Screw the students. Its the academics we need to be looking after!

        1. I think Rich meant “academics” not “Academics”.

          1. Enough with the reasonableness already. These are the intertubez, dammit!

          2. My coach used to say “Academics come first.” We were never *quite* sure what he meant.

            1. We were never *quite* sure what he meant.

              The answer is determined based on his union membership.

    2. I would like to know who pisses in Buzz Bissinger’s Cheerios every morning. What an annoying scold he is.

      1. I haven’t read Deadspin in a while, but they used to get off on making fun of him for exactly that reason.

        The obnoxious thing about the article is that there is a legitimate debate to be had about the place of sports on college campuses, and their function pseudo-minor leagues for the pros. But his zeroing in on college football as the only sport that should be banned is what I’d expect from a nerd that got shoved in one too many lockers, not a sober analyst. If college football should be targeted, then why not college men’s and women’s basketball, which have also become big-money enterprises? Why not baseball and softball? Why not lacrosse? Why not just eliminate all sports, by the rationale Bissinger uses?

        If Buzz is really that concerned about the integrity of college academics being polluted by the current sports climate, then it seems more reasonable to eliminate athletic scholarships altogether and go solely off of academic merit for entry. Why should someone who can actually hack it academically get short-shrifted in favor of some sub-literate goon who’s good at bouncy-ball?

  19. Would John be gay for this guy?

    1. Is he a registered Republican?

    2. Now he has reduced his diet to just four slices of bread, sometimes topped with spam or a can of mini-hotdogs, and one ready meal a day.

      He’s cutting his calories to 1500 per day, and that’s what he’s making those calories out of? FFS. >:|

    3. ‘Finding out that I’m the fattest man in the world has been the wake-up call I needed.’

      Me, I’m waiting til I find out that I’m the fattest man in the state – I don’t want to set the bar too high on my path to self-distruction.

    4. Would John be gay for this guy?

      Well the tits are probably about right . . .

    5. “I wash myself with a rag on a stick”

      1. “Get Mama’s prying bar.”

  20. President Obama is fooling no one with positive spin on limp job numbers

    oh, I dunno – I’m sure one of our resident griefers can put a spin on this.

    1. What’s a limp job? Is it SFW?


        1. Not limp; chimp. Rock me Dr. Zaius.


            1. My dear bosky rapist, is it really sporting to go after cripples? Should they not have a fair chance to outrun your hairy embrace?



    2. On NPR (yes, I know, I know), they had someone on saying that the drop in productivity was a good thing because it was a sign that the people who were working were new hires. GREEN SHOOTS!

      1. That’s what’s known as “grasping at green shoots.”

  21. This is one reason the union movement is dying. Bonus points: why people despise politicians too


    1. Not in Ohio. Union stupidity is a growth industry.

      1. That was the secret message of “The Blob”

  22. Merkel invites Hollande for early talks.

    How long before Hollande will surrender to the Germans?

    1. Well it didn’t put up much of a fight last time

    2. When France needs to roll over some of its debt, and the Germans say “Nein” unless he adopts some austerity.

  23. Nano probes SI! Anal probes NO!

  24. Statist reporter laments that smart people would rather go to Silicon Valley than Washington.

    Or to put in terms of a generation past, I wanted to find out why America’s smartest in the current generation are so far removed from John F. Kennedy’s call to “ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country”. In the 1960s this launched a wave of participation in government among those that writer David Halberstam once dubbed the “best and the brightest”.


    1. They are doing what they can for their country. They’re creating wealth rather than bloating gummint. Praise their patriotism!

    2. That’s just ass-backwards. To me, taking a cushy government job with phat benefits is asking “what your country can do for you.”

    3. How about I don’t ask either of those things and just mind my own business and not expect to get free stuff?

    4. This is entirely premised on conflating “your country” with “Government.”

  25. In short, liberalism does not work, contrary as it is to human nature. I wish I could just say that about every thirty years or so, forgetful Americans take an allergy shot of it, suffer the reaction, and then get another three decades of Carter/Obama immunity. But instead statist redistribution and intrusion are an insidious process, no longer specific just to Democrats, but bound up in the growing affluence and leisure of the West-both serving its various needs of alleviating guilt to the masses, subsidizing half the nation, and providing much envied power and lucre to a highly educated and technocratic elite who have little talent for acquiring either in the private sector. That it is not sustainable does not mean that it will not cause havoc as it totters and collapses. Look at Russia and Eastern Europe circa 1989, or the present-day EU, or Greece proper, or California or Illinois today.


    1. “Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.”


    2. “Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.”


    3. An awesome rant

    4. I tried to post a Bastiat quote about government but it kept getting marked as spam.

      1. Try putting some periods before or after. That’s worked for me.

  26. Tan Mom vs. Snooki: what was that foul-smelling orange blur?

    1. That’s what you get when a vampire gets caught by the sunrise.

      1. more like a 1/2vamp, that way the sun still burns it, but can’t completely reduce it to dust.

        1. They’re called Dhampir, dude. At least use the proper terminology.

          1. it’s an admittedly awesome term.

          2. I dunno. Extant depictions of Dhampirs would seem to suggest they don’t bear much resemblance to either Snooki or Tanning Mom.

    2. Well, it would seem she is at least using her new-found celebrity for good, instead of evil.

    3. Shouldn’t she wait until Snooki whelps and makes her first stupid parenting decision?

      BTW, are there any bets on what the poor child will be called?

      1. Miller Lite?

      2. Vagisil is a pretty name for a girl.

        1. What is “Placenta”, chopped liver?

          1. Placenta is a not liver. Read a book sometime, dude.

            1. Placenta is a not liver. Read a book sometime, dude.

              But depending on how you prepare it, the similarity can be remarkable.

            2. OK, but it’s liver-like. Read Jezebel sometime, dude.

              1. STEVE SMITH can be described as “human-like.” Want to share a cabin with him on the Reason cruise?

                1. Want to share a cabin with him on the Reason cruise?

                  And when he claims “top bunk,” it doesn’t mean what you think it does.

                  1. I’ve noticed STEVE SMITH’S rhetoric has been toned down since registration.

            3. “Read a book sometime, dude.”

              Why yes…


      3. Apparently “Chrystal” and “Chardonnay” are popular.

      4. BTW, are there any bets on what the poor child will be called?

        “You little, fucking asshole.” Quite a bit, I presume.

        1. Shithead (pronounced shiTHEEed)

  27. Octomom turning to porn for cash.

    So that’s where John went….


    1. Octomom turning to porn for cash.

      One of the commentors – “Caroline” from Hornchurch – remarked that the Octomom has freakishly large hands. Looking at her pics again, I think I agree.

      1. I’ll take your word for it.

      2. Huh, she does have kind of manhands. I hadn’t noticed before.

        1. Huh, she does have kind of manhands. I hadn’t noticed before.

          Given that her porn will center around “self-pleasure,” those hands should stand her in good stead.

          1. wouldn’t that be a bit of a turn-off for the average consumer? Aren’t girly hands more attractive – unless you’re trying to sell to the admirers of pseudo-shemales, I suppose

            1. wouldn’t that be a bit of a turn-off for the average consumer?

              I’m not a huge fan of porn, but if i had ot choose a favorite “theme,” self-pleasure would be it. I do think that man-hands would throw me off, though.

          2. “big hands I know you’re the one”

      3. After 14 kids, she’s going to need them.

    2. Her porn de plume should be “Echo.”

      1. Her porn de plume–

        I think “Hot Dog Down a Hallway” would be better, and a touch classier. Plus it would be hawt.

        1. Why? They’re all c-sections.

  28. Harvard won’t say if Liz Warren listed as minority

    Harvard Law School lists one lone Native American faculty member on its latest diversity census report – but school officials and campaign aides for Elizabeth Warren refused to say yesterday whether it refers to the Democratic Senate candidate.

    1. Just curious how far back is one allowed to go to claim you belong to some victim group ? She said that she is 1/32 the native american. If I follow the ancestry of the first settlers that crossed over to the American continent, eventually you will find that I share the same ancestry as them. I could be 1/4294967296 native american.

      1. 1/16 qualifies you for victim status.

        1. 1/8 is free pizza for life!

        2. so a maximum of 8 generations back (did i do that math right?)

          1. did i do that math right?


            Four generations. 2^4=16

            A great great grandparent gets you into the club.

          2. —————-

          3. I think you got the maths wrong, if one of your parents are in group A then you are 1/2 of group A, if it is one your grandparents it is 1/4 of group A, so 1/16 equates to going back four generations.

            1. This is why I should never embark on any math without at least a piece of paper and a pencil.

        3. A friend of mine recently discovered his grandfather is native american (apparently his grandmother lived near a military base and was knocked up by a soldier during WW2 — but never talked about the guy) He and his kids are now members of the tribe. Amongst other things, they each get a $500 annual health care debit card. He uses it to pay deductibles and copays for his kids doctors visits and such.

          1. I’m glad our society is paying that man back for the huge disadvantages he suffered, going through life as a Native American.

            Except that if he had no idea, neither did anyone else…

      2. Way back when I was reaching the conclusion that I would never get a job in academia because I was too white and too male, I thought about putting in as Hispanic (my maternal grandmother is at least 100% Hispanic, and probably 50% Indian at that).

        But the standard said mere blood quantum wouldn’t cut it, and had something about being a member of the minority community, which I wasn’t. Here’s a current definition, which sounds familiar and was probably pretty much in place back when she scammed her way onto the faculty:

        all persons having origins in any of the original peoples of North America and who maintain cultural identification through tribal affiliation or community recognition.


        No way she qualified, so I suspect that la Warren committed outright fraud when she hopped on the gravy train.

        1. For sure she is. She is nearly the only member of the Harvard faculty that didn’t graduate from there or Yale. There is no more inbreed and stunted group of people on earth than the Harvard faculty. They are a real life Monty Python Upper Class Twit of the year skit. And somehow, Fauxcohontas gets hired having graduated from Rutgers? Whatever. She claimed to be an Indian to get hired at Harvard and then dropped it once she had tenure.

          1. “Fauxcahontas”. Shit. Now everyone’s going to wonder what the fuck I’m laughing at. That was awesome.

        2. My friend’s kids above, while being Whitey McWhiterson, have “maintained tribal affiliation” so should be able to take advantage of all the benefits that brings.

          1. I dunno if affiliating with the McWhiterson tribe counts.

            Naturally, Harvard had no real interest in actually hiring someone with actual tribal/community affiliation, so they weren’t going to make sure she actually qualified. They just wanted to tick the box, and she let them do that.

          2. What is never mentioned is that the process to get on the rolls was rife with corruption and tribal politics. When they originally made the rolls a lot of Indians refused to sign up. They rightfully didn’t trust the white man or the federal government and figured putting their names on rolls that could later be used for whatever purpose the government wished might be a bad idea. So a lot of real Indians didn’t make it. And a lot of fraud Indians did. The rolls are a total mess.

            The Indian art world is full of the effects of this. To call yourself an “Indian artist” you have to be on the rolls. So lots of brilliant and authentic Indian artists can’t call themselves such because their grandparents said fuck Washington putting my name on some list. Meanwhile, there are plenty of Whitey McWhitersons who get to use the brand.

        3. So maintaining cultural identification, but not having origin in an oppressed group, would not count either? I guess Steve Martin’s Jerk is SOL.

        4. my maternal grandmother is at least 100% Hispanic, and probably 50% Indian at that

          So, what you’re sayin is, she’s not a small woman.

          1. Actually, she was tiny. Some kind of ethnic super-density deal, I guess.

            1. 150% of a woman in 50% of the package!

    2. The Harvard Law faculty is not large. You’d think a simple process of elimination would get you to a very short list, at worst, and a few phone calls would straighten it out, or even a little research to see if anyone else has ever hopped on the affaction gravy train.

  29. Why is this not the lede across America today? Goober is dead! Goober is dead!

    1. Probably because MCA is dead at the same time.

      1. Who will be the third?

    2. RIP Goober

    1. I see what you did there.

    2. not new.

      1. I included a disclaimer!

        1. your fine print isn’t visible in my browser 😉

    1. there’s a congressman called LaTourette? Fuckin’ hell, cocksucker!

      1. Yeah, Steve LaTourette in Ohio. He represents the far-flung Northeast Corner of Ohio no one cares about.

    2. The best laugh I’ve had for quite a while! 😎

  30. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…..91243.html

    Wow is Robert Reich stupid. The solution to our debt problems is to spend more and work less.

    1. Dang, and all this time I’ve been working more and spending less like a sucker.

  31. The Dead Dream of the Dirigible

    As a your candidate, I promise to bring the dirigible back, along with beards, silk top hats, and monocles.

    1. Screw Virgin Airways. I want my own suite with a balcony for my trips to Europe.

    2. Cheryl: Yeah, what does a blimp do, Pam?
      Pam: Uhh, kick your skinny ass?

    3. People ask me why I drink Old Fashioneds. It is because they don’t make a reactionary.

      1. I didn’t know you liked gulping down Old Fashioneds, John. NTTAWWT.

        1. It is not my favorite drink. But it is a decent drink. Bitters, sugar and bourbon, what is not to love?

          1. Making the fucker. Do you know what a pain it is to crush oranges and cherries into that thing?

            1. That’s why I drink manhattans. Fuck muddling.

              1. that’s why i pay someone to make my drinks

                1. Yeah, I was guy getting paid to make ’em.

              2. It is all about muddling and infusion. I love mohitos,old fashioneds, and mint juleps. But it does take some skill to make them. Few drink slingers mascaraing as bar tenders can do it.

                1. I will say, I took great pride in making excellent mojitos. Most people couldn’t be troubled to do them right. Probably because I think they are so dang delicious.

              3. I got into Manhattans (with Bulleit rye) this past winter. Most excellent.

                1. I know it sounds obsessive, RCD, but take the time to make your own maraschino cherries. Delicious.

                  1. how long do they last? Presumably the booze means they’re as freakishly well preserved as Madonna

                    1. They can last for months in the fridge. You can also feed fresh cherries into the jar one or two times and get a pretty good product back out. And the juice in the jar makes a good cherry-based mixer. In my weak moments, I use it in place of cherry brandy in Singapore Slings and the like.

                    2. I was thinking of dehydrating cherries this summer and reconstituting them in bourbon. It seems that should be a nice complement to any number of bourbon based drinks.

                    3. I was thinking of dehydrating cherries this summer and reconstituting them in bourbon.

                      Exercise extreme caution, the possibility of a flavor explosion is near 100%.

                  2. I know it sounds obsessive, RCD, but take the time to make your own maraschino cherries. Delicious.

                    Any recommendations on what kind of brandy to use? I’m intrigued by the idea, but brandy is alien to me.

                    1. I’ve only used maraschino liqueur to make them. Cherry brandy would be an obvious choice, but actual cherry brandy (as opposed to cherry-flavored grape brandy) is pretty pricey. I wouldn’t fool with anything higher than AC or VS.

                  3. No maraschinos in my Manhattans. Just rye, vermouth, and bitters.

                    1. Old Fashioned, Manhatton, Mint Julep, all are wrong.

                      Bourbon should be drunk neat, on the rocks, or with a splash of branch.

                      That is it. If your bourbon needs something else, buy better bourbon.

          2. The bitters and sugar? All whiskeys straight; maybe some water to open it up, but that’s as far as I go.

            1. I like that, especially with Scotch. But I think that is selling bourbon short. It makes great mixed drinks. And not all bourbons are created equal. Some bourbons, like Beam for example, do better in a mixed drink.

              1. This holds true with most any liquor. Some are better straight, some work really well in mixed drinks. It requires a bit of testing to nail this down.

                This also explains why we have so much freaking booze around the house.

                1. This also explains why we have so much freaking booze around the house.


            1. That came in handy, sloop.


    4. As a your candidate, I promise–

      If you promise to bring back mutton chops, I’ll vote for you. If you promise to bring back polio, I will actively campaign on your behalf.

      1. Hats, walking sticks and capes.

        1. eliminating polio really fucked over the walking stick makers.

      2. Fucking mutton chops are back, and they’re being worn by hipsters.

        I’ll vote for whomever bans mutton chops.

        1. The mutton chops are bad, but even if you got rid of them there’d still be the gapped-teeth, and the butt-chin, beady little eyes and hat to deal with.

        2. I’ll vote for whomever bans mutton chops.

          Let’s ban hipsters instead. That way we can keep him.

        3. Is that a baby blue tux he’s wearing?

          1. Weave looks too open for that. I think it’s a thin bathrobe.

            1. Whatever it is, pairing it with that scarf is abominable. And I’m not even going to talk about his hat.

              1. The fucking hipster scarf really annoys me. If your neck is always that cold, die you genetic dead-end.

                1. At least it isn’t a keffiyeh.

    5. “Hello, airplanes? Yeah, it’s blimps. You win!”

    6. Neil Peart is on top of this.

  32. I have been thinking about this whole Warren being an Indian thing. Really what someone should do is falsely claim to be a minority. And keep up the pretense until you have tenure. Then come out and say “I was wrong, it turns out grandpa wasn’t (insert protected minority group here) after all”. What would they do about it? If they fired you, they would have to admit they gave you tenure based on lower standards for minorities. If they kept you, you get a do nothing tenured faculty position.

    1. I think the thing we pretty much have to admit is that there is no enforcement mechanism for anyone who claims to be of a minority (be that racial, sexual, ethnic, handicapped, whatever) protected status. If I tell my law school I have dyslexia or that I’m gay or that I am 1/8th black, there isn’t a damn thing they can do to make me prove that. They just have to take my word on it.

      1. There isn’t short of running DNA tests on us like mutt dogs. The gay thing is especially problematic. A couple of years ago the national gay soccer championships were here in Washington. I couldn’t help but wonder how they know who isn’t a ringer? Just go get a few former college soccer players and form a team. What, do you have to perform sex acts to prove you are legit?

        1. If it was a women’s team, they’ll just assume you’re in unless you’re caught en flagrante delecto with a guy.

          1. I believe it was the “men’s gay soccer championships”.

        2. there was that story last week about athletes faking disabilities to get into the Paralympics, and even physical disabilities can be hard to confirm / rebut.


          1. I think “South Park” had this angle covered…

        3. What, do you have to perform sex acts to prove you are legit?


          1. “And the photos must show you as the passive partner.”

            Because wanting to stick your dick into another bloke isn’t gay enough

    2. Really what someone should do is falsely claim to be a minority. And keep up the pretense until you have tenure.

      I think she already did.

  33. Once again, I hate humanity. Still, I was fascinated by the idea a 13 year old needed help to take photos with a phone – isn’t it meant to be the other way around?


      1. Isn’t 13 a little old for Utah? Shouldn’t she be married? Like the old hillbilly mom said, upon finding out her son’s fiance was a virgin: “If she’s not good enough for her family, she’s not good enough for ours.”

        1. ^^Replace hillbilly with Texan and I’d be willing to swear Ken Shultz wrote that.^^

  34. Wow, this has to be the most troll-free AM Links I’ve ever seen. Has the gambol-lockdown finally worked?

    1. I keep wondering that. I can’t figure out what Reason did to her. At first she just registered and continued to troll. But that died down pretty quickly. And she is now no where to be seen. Maybe her daughters finally got that involuntary commitment. But that seems to be a bit too much of a coincidence. Reason did something to run her off.

      1. I await the inevitable “aw, she wasn’t that bad” idiots.

        1. Just link them to a couple of those 1000+ comment, browser-crashing threads.

        2. She wasn’t that bad Suge. She was worse.

      2. She continues to troll elsewhere, John.

      3. She’s been going to the comments section of my blog referencing H&R comments from the weekend. I’d remove them, but I want her to let all of her hate flow. Only then will her transformation to the dark side be complete..

        1. Plus, it’s utterly hilarious watching her try to disrupt things over there like she did here.

  35. Public library buys 50 copies of book, but won’t let you borrow it


    1. Library officials were not available to comment Friday but have said publicaly they did not receive any complaints about the books before deciding to pull them from the shelves.

      Nice. So basically, they know what is better for you than you do.

      1. They probably have a stocking contract that sent them 50 copies automatically after Shades hit a certain threshold of over-all sales.

        Put them on the shelves and then take them off when people freak out and then put them back when when a different set of people freak out about that.

    1. Meh. Everyone knows that fresh and locally-sourced is the way to go here.

      1. Do they use cage-free material for that?

        1. How much time does Nick Cage spend vacationing in China?

          1. /drumroll

    2. I saw that and wondered just how much of that is hype and pearl clutching. I’ll wait to read it in a publication other than the daily Fail before believing it too hard.

  36. The festive event quickly turned into a sweaty http://www.edhardypoort.com/he…..tmlyelling and catcalls.”

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