A.M. Links: Journalist Killed Every Five Days, Russia Threatens NATO, John Yoo Torture Suit Tossed


  • can mitt romney promise this?

    World Press Freedom Day was marked by police finding the tortured bodies of four journalists in Mexico and the killing of a radio reporter in Mogadishu as Reporters Without Borders warns journalists are being killed at an "astonishing pace."

  • The Daily Beast details the State Department's handling of Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng. "Chen told CNN that once he reached the hospital the U.S. officials disappeared. Remember: he's blind. The U.S. Embassy staff left an injured blind man who is an enemy of the state in the custody of his totalitarian oppressors," Kirsten Powers writes.
  • Natochannel.tv (they have these things because, why not?) proclaimed Chicago the capital of Illinois and the childhood home of President Barack Obama.
  • Here's something for NATO to talk about at their summit there later this month, since the Cubs will probably be out of contention by then: Russia warns of a pre-emptive strike against any NATO deployment of missile defense systems in Eastern Europe. "A decision to use destructive force pre-emptively will be taken if the situation worsens," Chief of General Staff Nikolai Makarov said at a conference attended by U.S. and NATO officials this week.
  • A federal appeals court ruled former Bush advisor John Yoo could not be sued for recommending the torture of U.S. citizen Jose Padilla. "We cannot say that any reasonable official in 2001-03 would have known that the specific interrogation techniques allegedly employed against Padilla, however appalling, necessarily amounted to torture," Judge Raymond Fisher wrote in a unanimous ruling.
  • A grand jury found no reasonable cause to indict any police officers in the killing of 68-year-old former Marine Kenneth Chamberlain in his own apartment.

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  1. These are getting to be as early as Riggs was late. You’re going to start confusing people Ed.

  2. I get the feeling that these dissidents are a bigger pain in Obama’s ass than the Chinese.

    1. Dissent is always a pain in the ass to the State. That’s why the guy picked now to be so public – he is under the delusion that Clinton can be shamed into upholding some of the principles of liberty her country nominally stands for.

      My first suspicion was that the guy was acting as an agent provocateur for China. If the US takes any action to help the dissident, China will officially take offense and Clinton is going to be in the position of having to make amends for them ‘losing face’. If the US takes no action, that is a tactic approval of China’s repression. It’s a win/win for China.

      1. The seemingly blunderful debacle threatens to overshadow Obama’s bin Laden foreign policy end zone dance.

        1. my fav is the jello-walk

  3. New Jersey freak tan mother says critics are jealous, fat and ugly


      Also, fried cabbage.

    2. People who think this lady is odd have obviously never been to Southwestern Pennsylvania. Most 20 year old women around here look 40 from years of tanning.

      1. Because that’s what the guys are lookin for. Parched. Scarred. Leather-rejected-by-an-upholsterer skin.

        Admit it guys, you’re gettin rigid, like a drumhead stretched too tight.

        1. Because that’s what fried wylie is lookin for. Any chance to use his patented “because that’s what” joke.

          1. *applause*

        2. I’ll admit, I’m a freak and like really pale girls. Bonus points for a few freckles or red hair.

          1. + 100 freckles

          2. +100 freckles

          3. I like pale skin too… lovely creamy skin…

            I’ll be in my bunk.

            1. Okay, there really needs to be a space between “I’ll be in my bunk” and “my sister is obsessed with it”.

              1. thank you for the the public service.

          4. Love that white meat!

            After seeing Krentcil, I don’t know if I’ll ever look at my Squashy Roo hat the same again.

          5. Goth Chicks. Tattoos. Piercings. Implied slutitude.

            Where the white women at!?!

            1. Only batting 250 on those.

              1. More damaged goods for me then.

      2. Absolutely. My sister is obsessed with it, although I don’t think she goes into the microwave and she doesn’t seem to have achieved leather skin yet.

        1. i really don’t get it. Apart from the leather skin, there’s that pesky skin cancer thing, and fake tans are available if you insist on colouring yourself in

          1. There’s no way she isn’t fake-tanned in the Al Jolson-level pictures.

    1. Because that’s what the ladies are lookin for. BIG. HUGE. Yogurt-swelled, wrinkled, hairy Balls.

      Admit it ladies, you’re moist, like an unstirred, natural yogurt.

      1. Well, according to South Park, women are turned on by huge balls. So I figure it must be the case.

        1. A girlfriend of my wife went out with a guy who used to brag about his “big balls”. Turns out he had testicle cancer.

          1. *rimshot*

            1. Duh, that’s about ballroom dances.

          2. A cousin of mine went on an expeditionary school activity to Tasmania, caught an STD that exploded his balls to the size of coconuts. Amazingly enough, simple antibiotics cured it.

  4. Europe held off on body scanners over health fears, not privacy fears. Quelle surprise

    1. At least those Old World fuckers had some kind of fears about using body scanners. Sure beats the shit out of our bureaucrats who didn’t even have the sense to not choose a company called fucking Rapiscan as their vendor of choice for said scanners..

      1. Clearly you love terrorism and hate America.

      2. Yeah it’s kind of amazing that no one in the marketing department pointed out that it might be pronounced “rapey-scan”.

        1. I guess when you are selling to the government, you don’t have to worry about things like that as much.

          1. That name is a feature, not a bug, to State procurers.

        2. If you’ve got the former head of DHS lobbying for you, you could call it Phukuscan and still sell it to the government.

        3. Also, the people in their marketing department are the type of mongoloids sick fucks who design radioactive pornography machines would hire. Methinks, they’d be as dim as their employers are depraved and malevolent.

          1. To be honest, if I didn’t know how they were intended to be used, a “radioactive pornography machine” sounds like a pretty cool thing to work on.

            1. Also (just to be annoyingly pedantic), radiation != radioactive. But that doesn’t make unnecessary X-rays any better of an idea.

              1. And to reiterate, I’m a fucking moron, so calling me out on semantics/correct grammar/facts/birds and the bees is a pointless endeavor only the most narcissistic would dare waste their precious time on. Congrats, Zeb, you win. I’m A FUCKING MORON.

    2. The only health they’re really concerned about is the health of the state.

    1. Monkey-thieves!

    2. Monkeys have taken to thieving at ATM’s now?

      1. I thought they always did?

      2. RAAAAAAAACIST!!!!!!1!!11!1!1!1

      3. Monkeys love ATM. It’s one of the few things that separates them from the lower primates.

    3. Thanks to The Simpsons, phrases like “Sydney thieves” just equal “Austrailian” in my brain. Weird.

  5. To Serve and Protect

    No really, they do.

    1. or, guy gets brain-damaged on the job, loses executive decision-making ability, gets arrested

  6. DiFiore said the use of the “N-Word” was intolerable and “should never ever be condoned or ignored,” Aiello reported. The police department assured her it will order a “top to bottom” review over the use of the epithet, as well as its policies on the use of force regarding emotionally disturbed individuals.

    Policy reviews fix everything.

    1. Of course when it comes to something like using military tactics and gear to bust in to the homes of the Dangerous to Society such as pot smokers and raw milk vendors, no such policy review is even necessary. That kind of tough action is reserved for epithets.

      1. no such policy review is even necessary

        Of course not. Officer safety is paramount.

        They must treat every door as if there are ten guys with machine guns on the other side of it.

        If some innocent person dies, tough shit. The officers are safe, and that’s all that matters.

    2. That story marks today’s sign of the apocalypse. Use of force? No problem. Saying nigger? Major pearl-clutching followed by high-level investigation. Seriously?

  7. Officers also said Chamberlain was disturbed – shouting – “They got a shotgun here to shoot me, Mr. President. Send me some Marines. Anybody who comes through that door is gonna die,” Aiello reported.

    To the police, this is a code for “If we go in now we can finally shoot somebody.”

  8. Wisconsin Recall Amnesia
    Why aren’t Democrats running against Scott Walker’s union reforms?

    1. More importantly, why aren’t the real world impacts of those changes causing any self-reflection on the part of the people who thought the collective bargaining changes were going to be the end of the world for Wisconsin chillenz?

      1. Because they have no self-reflection. I got into in argument with a teacher (!!) who unironically said Scott Walker was as bad as Ghaddafi and the Nazis. I said, “Scott Walker trying to reform collective bargaining is as bad as a man who was directly responsible for the deaths of millions of people?! REALLY??!! Do you honestly expect people to take your comments and grievances seriously when you say things like that?”

        No response, of course.

        1. folks like your teacher friend have become so accustomed to hyperbolic attacks that they have lost all sense of self-awareness. Had a similar argument with my aunt who wailed about the loss of “rights”. Rights? Really? No, auntie; getting to pillage the taxpayer is not a right, it is a privilege granted by the elected benefactors of the looter class.

        2. “muttermutter…republican nazi…somethingsomething….”

        3. You need to grudge fuck her. Even if she doesn’t see it your way, at least you got yours.

    2. That’s sort of a confusing headline.

  9. Satire is not dead: New York Times breaks blockbuster story on torture of Guantanamo. detainees.

    1. led to the lieutenant being discharged for forcing inmates to dance to the music of Usher and other American pop stars

      To quote the federal appeals court: “We cannot say that any reasonable official in 2001-03 would have known that the specific interrogation techniques allegedly employed, however appalling, necessarily amounted to torture”

      I can only assume this is the year range in which this took place, given Usher.

    2. Was the guard an asshole…probably. I don’t know, because I wasn’t there and didn’t see the context of the situation (was he joking?).

      HOWEVER…humiliation IS NOT torture.

      1. But it is bullying!! Do you support bullying? Huh? Do ya?

        It is no problem that we retain men, many of them innocent, without charge or trial, but we will NOT have our soldiers subjecting them to the utter horror that is Usher.

        1. Getting bullied builds character.

          Complete agree about lack of due process.

      2. Yeah, I’d say being locked up, shackled and hooded most of the time is much closer to torture than being made to dance to Usher, as bad as that is.

    1. I’d say it’s well earned

  10. Employment numbers are out! The U3 is down .1%, but that may be because of the 522k people who left the labor force.

    1. “Julia” is an emblem of the brave new world of political campaigning. It was clearly conceived as a means of spreading the Obama gospel on Facebook. If you watch it on the Obama 2012 site and click the “like” button, “Julia” will immediately appear on your Facebook page, where others can watch it and click “share” to have it appear on their Facebook pages.

      thankfully it hasn’t virused to my FB account via my “friends”

      1. I’m disappointed in the satire coming from this. Even the Reason one is weak tea.

        Now after a night to think about it, you need to change circumstances some.
        Like have a man called Jules.
        At a young age he is caught selling weed on school grounds. After a short stay in juvie his arrest record makes him ineligable for any of those fancy gov benefits.
        He then drifts into the thug life and becomes a hitman with his friend Vincent.
        He likes hamburgers.
        He does not see sign that says “Dead Nigger Storage.”
        He believes that “Eatin’ a bitch out, and givin’ a bitch a foot massage ain’t even the same fuckin’ ballpark.”
        He doesn’t look like Obama’s son – becuase he’s muthafuckin Samuel Jackson!

        1. Send in the Wolf.

          1. “If I’m curt with you it’s because time is a factor. I think fast, I talk fast and I need you guys to act fast if you wanna get out of this. So, pretty please… with sugar on top. Clean the fucking car.”

        2. I’m disappointed in the satire coming from this.

          I’d like to see a viciously paternalistic/misogynistic one comparing a woman that lands a good husband to a picky, self-centered bitch who dies alone with her cats.

        3. Give it a week or two…patience young apprentice.

  11. Employment numbers are out! The U3 is down .1%, but that may be because of the 522k people who left the labor force.

  12. Just a single mention of the word Russia and one gets hit by all those Russian dating ads.

    1. I thought we already had this argument over missile defense when we talked about installing cruise missiles in Western Europe – the Soviet Union didn’t like them because it blunted their threat and Jimmah Carter killed the program.

      The reality at the time was that the Warsaw Pact had, IIRC, something like 12 divisions that could have overrun Western Europe in a matter of hours and NATO’s only response could have been to go nuclear. Since we all knew that wasn’t going to happen, the threat kept anybody from acting too upset about the whole occupying Eastern Europe thing.

      It’s really been Russia that’s been keeping the peace in Europe since WWII, as long as you don’t mind half of Europe being occupied territory. Freeing Eastern Europe created some interesting problems.

      1. speaking of more summer reruns, Blustering Russians…

  13. Employment numbers are out! The U3 is down .1%, but that may be because of the 522k people who left the labor force.

  14. Employment numbers are out! The U3 is down .1%, but that may be because of the 522k people who left the labor force.

    1. “In the next few months, possibly within weeks, markets here and abroad will be looking for signals that our politicians understand the severity of the situation and are able and willing to act appropriately. If clear signals are not forthcoming, markets could react early to the looming trouble, compounding the uncertainties that weigh on the U.S. economy.”

      nah, the market will continue to go up, provided more yummy stimulus is injected.

      1. The odds of DC dealing with the situation in any year, let alone an election year, are nil.

      2. I’m sorry but just how stupid is the market? Our politicians have clearly demonstrated that they are well aware of “the situation” but they simply do not give a shit. And most of these markets are concerned with little more than their own portfolios.

    2. With a name like that, he better watch out for drone strikes or stop disagreeing with Obama’s economics.

  15. A grand jury found no reasonable cause to indict any police officers in the killing of 68-year-old former Marine Kenneth Chamberlain in his own apartment.

    That was a forgone conclusion.

  16. Kate Moss is still good enough to eat.


      1. Teenage boys look like this?


        1. If they squeeze their pecs together to look like cleavage, yes.

          1. So that’s it. You don’t consider a woman to be a woman unless she’s got big tits.

            It’s not my problem that you weren’t breast fed.

            1. Some tits does not necessarily equal big tits.

              Also, jumping pogo on jeebus stick but that picture of Valentino is creepy.

    1. She has aged amazingly well when you consider the copious amounts of drugs, alcohol, and smoking she has indulged in, though I bet photoshop helps a bit.

      1. I’m sure her professional work is air brushed to heck, but not the paparazzi stuff.

    2. I didn’t know they made pant suits for ironing boards.

  17. Megan Fox is even tastier!


    1. Stockings…stockings….I’ll be in my bunk. No calls.

    2. The fuck? I had no idea she was married to Junior from OCC.

    3. Sharper Image?
      (rim shot)

  18. John would fuck her.


    1. now that’s just plain mean. She’s missing the hippie sandals… only then can she enter the John cave.

      1. How do you know? None of the pictures show her feet.

        1. ah, I’m guilty of making assumptions based on her attire.

      2. I bet she wears shoes to small for the extra lard she lugs around and it spills over the straps/tops of here shoes – or better yet, is forced through the openings of her crocs (abominations) like play-dough.

    2. I like how the idiot fattie thinks she has “a constitutional right” to a free second seat to accomodate her bulk.

      1. What about the idiot who wants the gov’t to pay for her plastic surgery?

    3. Sorry sarcasmic, I just get a Daily Mail error screen. Your link appears to be dead.

      1. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..t-fly.html

        Try this one.

  19. April unemployment stats are out.

    Looks like the .1% decline is due to the 522k people who left the labor force. Good thing no one will only report the straight U3 numbers.

  20. “More than 60 heads of state and government will meet to discuss crucial matters of security and stability in the Euro-Atlantic area,” a narrator’s voice says as the five-minute video plays panning shots of Chicago. “And so, the leaders of the member nations of the organization created by the 1949 Washington Treaty will meet in the capital of Illinois this time.”

    “Chicago police are courteous, helpful and not at all unaccountable thugs. The city’s government is not corrupt and there will be no need to bribe any of its leaders or bureaucrats to get things done.”

    1. ”’More then 60 heads of state and countries will meet”

      NATO only has 28 members why are 60 heads of state coming? According to the list they have Australia, Korea, Tonga, UAE etc coming and none are members of NATO. Is this part of some plan to expand NATO to include more countries that the US will be required by treaty to defend while they cut defense spending?


    2. That’s funny, because when I lived in Chicago, it was incredibly corrupt and the capital was Springfield. Guess things have changed.

    3. “there will be no need to bribe any of its leaders or bureaucrats to get things done.”
      Try getting your power connected at McCormick without a bit of cash changing hands.

  21. Jesus, I’ve been trying to link to the new unemployment figures since AM Links went up.

    Find the pdf yourselves, but 522k left the labor force, dropping U3 by .1%; good thing no one will just report the U3 and ignore the actual numbers.

    1. Government links aren’t always spam, squirrels. ACCEPT THIS LINK DAMMIT.

    2. see! Obama made unemployment drop! What are you, a right-wing zealot?

      1. The official line on the BLS site is: “Nonfarm payroll employment rose by 115,000 in April, and the unemployment rate was little changed at 8.1 percent.”

        Then if you look at the PDF report, you see a 169k decline in the number of people employed. Totally not a deceptive use of statistics.

        1. Obama has made the USA so wonderful that an increasing number of people don’t think they need a job so they stopped looking.

        2. You can go to the BLS site and download all the data you need to track this stuff.
          You can download U-3, U-6, Employment/Population (very handy), etc. etc.

          1. You can also go here to see what the ‘real’ stats would look like based on methodologies used by previous United States administrations, from the pre-Clinton era to the time of the Great Depression.

      2. see! Obama made unemployment drop! What are you, a right-wing zealot?

        Wait, I thought it was that 88 million people were just lazy humanities majors, and now you’re telling me that policy matters? Which is it?

    3. You don’t call it “going on a diet” when you can’t afford to buy food?

    4. Just who are these people who are dropping out? That seems unlikely unless they have alternative sources of income.

      1. I believe that after a certain amount of time unemployed you are no longer considered part of the workforce (something like 18 months I think). So by the government’s measurements if everyone quit their jobs at the same time and stopped working for 18 months then we would be back to full employment.

        1. Don’t give them ideas.

          1. If you give them 48 months, they don’t get counted until the next presidential election is over. Unemployment problem solved.

      2. Maybe some are older and closer to retirement and have decided “fuck it, I’ve got enough I might be able to make ends meet until I die”, maybe some are in two income households and they can scrimp and penny-pinch enough to scrape by on one, or maybe some of the younger ones have moved back in with their parents or other family members. Who knows?

        Also, I haven’t been to downtown Denver in a while but I hear homeless shelters are pretty much packed these days. But not worry, the Obamassiah is on the case, so I’m sure everything will be fine.

      3. Some are “retiring” way before they can afford to. Some are probably “disabled”. Some are scraping by on their parents/spouses. Some are gray/black market.

        Some (many?) have probably just aged out. I think there is a deadline, maybe 18 months? maybe when your unemployment insurance runs out?

        1. Some are also simply deciding to make do on one income and cutting back expenses. I’ve seen quite a few articles the last several months talking about women, in particular, who did the math and figured that it would be a lot easier and cheaper in some cases to be a stay-at-home mom or housewife. The total income might not be as large, and they have to be judicious with their spending, but they’re making it work by living within their means.

          1. I’ve had a couple of friends do this. One of my former co-workers was laid off in November of 2008 & she & her husband figured out with her not having to have the gas, make-up, clothes, etc. if they clipped coupons and cut back on a few things, they could make it on his salary. They both seem to be very happy with the decision.

            The cases of which I’m personally aware aren’t those where both income earners earn roughly equal incomes though. She earned somewhat less than he does.

          2. Its amazing how little is left from many spouse’s jobs after paying taxes at the top marginal rate and covering job-related expenses (child care, commute, clothing, etc.).

            As a purely economic decision, for many families where one spouse earns decent money (low six figures?), having a second spouse earning ordinary money ($40K?), the second job is essentially a hobby.

            1. heh, my dad’s accountant once suggested my mom stop working, since they would have paid less in taxes – to the point where the total income would have been greater.

      4. I have a friend – who does have some anxiety issues – who managed to get disability. He no longer works, but spends his days watching movies, buying records, and eating out of his retired parent’s larder.

        I imagine quite a number of “dropped out of the workforce” are living of drips and drabs of their 401k, under the table cash arrangements, money from parents, temp work, etc etc.

        If I cashed out my 401k right now – which lately has become a real possibility – I could live a number of years without working (provided no major health issue came up). I could make the time stretch even further by selling my more valuable items (stereo gear, records, car), supplemented by food banks and ebay wheelin’ and dealin’. With the increased workload at my job, and the IT hiring freeze, it has been on my mind to go that route.

        1. Where do you live that IT recruiters aren’t calling you every week?

          1. Michigan – I guess I fell of the recruiter map – or the need for EDI Coordinators (which is heavily linked to auto manufacturing) is low.

            1. Michigan: No Greater Hive of Scum and Villainy…other than New Jersey.

        2. For god sakes man!

          Get a grip on yourself. How DARE you think of selling your stereo gear!!

          1. I already am – just to buy some more / build a different system.

      5. If you had been a laid-off or terminated full-time worker who eventually takes a part-time job at a huge cut in hourly wages, you drop off the unemployment rolls.

        “Discouraged workers” tend to be people that retire, go on welfare, live off their spouse’s income, take part-time jobs, or go rogue.

        1. Oh, and some people borrow a bunch of money to go back to school.

    5. Those 88 million people would all have jobs if they hadn’t majored in Gender Studies.

      1. Or if they sucked it up and accepted that fact that they fucked up and part-time/minimum wage work is all they are qualified for. Get back to the salt mines you lazy hippies! Accept the fact that life is full of pain, and at least you don’t have to work in feudal Europe.

        1. Right, there are 88 million low-paid jobs out there just waiting to be filled. Are you a professional idiot or do you do it for love?

          1. Are you a professional idiot

            Not-So-Proud product of public schooling right here. Thank you state mandated edumacashun.

  22. i like penguins

    Man dressed as penguin receives more votes than the Liberal Democrats

    Hartlepool voted in a 20-something football mascot in a monkey suit, H’Angus, as mayor, probably as a joke. He did so well they kept him.

    1. I like penguins

      What a coincidence – I like Sheilas.

      1. is there a penguin conspiracy to rule the world? I do hope so. Your natural tuxedos mean you are permanently ready for cocktail parties, and you are the only animals who don’t look silly in a top hat and monocle

        1. The only fashion problem is that it’s impossible to carry a cane with a flipper.

    2. I had a gorilla suit in college and toyed with the idea of running for student body president. Not because I wanted to have that job; I just liked the idea of UF being ruled by a gorilla.

      1. If I wasn’t clear, I planned to run in costume. A couple of big-time politicos on campus took me seriously and wanted me to run. Because they figured there was no way I could lose. Heck, I’d vote for someone who ran in a gorilla suit.

      2. when i edited the student paper, we got called in by the vice-chancellor for a sort of bollocking. My co-editor turned up in a bear suit. It went downhill from there

        1. fat drunk n stupid is no way for a bear to go thru life son.

        2. Of course it went downhill from there. Showing up in a bear suit doesn’t leave much room for improvement.

        3. It could have been an even funnier costume if only he’d seen Super Troopers…

          “Bear… Uhh, bear fucker! Do you need assistance?!”

  23. A federal appeals court ruled former Bush advisor John Yoo could not be sued for recommending the torture of U.S. citizen Jose Padilla.

    They couldn’t sue him for torturing the rest of us with Face/Off, Broken Arrow and Mission Impossible: 2, either.

    1. That was John Woo, not John Yoo. But point well taken. While we’re at it maybe we can finally prosecute George Lucas and Steven Spielberg for the rape of Indiana Jones.

      1. Way to ruin a joke.

    2. They couldn’t sue him for torturing the rest of us with Face/Off, Broken Arrow and Mission Impossible: 2, either.

      He has permanent immunity granted by a grateful world for The Killer, A Better Tomorrow, and Hard Boiled

      1. The Killer ftw – a terrific, poetic movie about mass slaughter.

        1. When they’re in the house having a shootout, and they both slide across the floor and come to rest in a Mexican standoff is a sensational moment

    3. John who??

      1. Yoo know Hoo.

        1. I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ’em you’re Jewish, okay?

          1. Toby? Toby Wong. Toby Wong? Toby Wong. Toby Chung? Fucking Charlie Chan. I got Madonna’s big dick coming out of my left ear, and Toby the Jap… I don’t know what – comin’ out of my right.

  24. Natochannel.tv (they have these things because, why not?) proclaimed Chicago the capital of Illinois

    From what I hear Chicago already acts like they think they’re the capital, so why not make it official? Although I think most people would probably prefer Chicago to be cut off, towed into the middle of Lake Michigan and scuttled.

    1. The bottom of Lake Michigan doesn’t want your garbage.

      1. But if they hurry they can do it while the NATO conference is in town and kill lots of useless, pretentious, self important douchebag birds with one stone. Come on Lake Michigan, can’t you just take this one for team? You’ve been taking our garbage for years, just a little more won’t hurt.

    2. “I think someone should just take this city and just… just flush it down the fuckin’ toilet.”

    3. Here’s what they should have said:

      “Chicago is a large city in Illinois.

      It has some relationship to President Obama.

      Also Lincoln, whom you may remember from the Civil War.

      Chicago will be hosting the NATO summit.

      At least it’s not Boston, right?”

  25. She also said uttering the epithet was not deemed criminal.


    1. For anyone else it would raise the incident to a hate crime.
      But for a cop? Laws don’t apply to those who enforce them.

      1. Is it a hate crime to hate working? Just curious.

        1. Tis a hate crime to call a black guy a nigger before killing him.

          Unless you’re a cop.

          1. You sound angry.

            1. No, it’s just gas.

            2. You sound angry.

              If you’re not angry, you haven’t been paying attention.

              1. I’m sorry, what?

              2. What was that? I was out crop dusting.

    1. We are a society of overeducated morons.

      1. We are a society of overmis-educated morons.


    2. Proposed new rule: if a kid is too young to even spell “sexual harassment” they can’t be charged with it for quoting a song that they probably heard on an M&Ms; commercial.

      1. Mentioning “sex” was actually one of the things my kid was called to the principal’s office about. She was talking to her friends (one of whom had the vapors at the mention of the forbidden word) about breeding Pokemon, and was referring to their gender, not intercourse. But, as you say, zero tolerance of the S-word. FFS.

      2. if a kid is too young to even spell “sexual harassment”

        Considering the public school system, that could take you all the way up to 18 years old

        1. True, I failed to account how truly awful most schools are. There’s probably a lot of adults who can’t properly spell “sexual harassment”.

          Since expecting school teachers and administrators to use common sense and judgement is apparently too much to ask, I was hoping to come up with a nice handy rule since that seems to be the only thing these fuckers understand.

    3. Policy is policy. Their hands were tied.

      1. I don’t know why school boards spend money on administration salaries. Just prop the rule book up behind the principal’s desk. It would be cheaper.

        1. It takes a special person to read a policy manual and then do what it says without question.

          Very special.

          As in retarded.

          1. ZERO TOLERANCE!!1!

    4. They must also take away his crayons in case he draws sexually harassing pictures, and blindfold him so he doesn’t other his peers to death with his rapist male gaze. The sooner this dangerous pervert is on a sex offenders register the better.

    5. Unless he was also wearing metallic speedos and wiggling his junk around, I don’t see how that could be construed as sexual harassment. Also, he’s fucking 6. 6 year olds just say shit.

      1. even if he was wearing metallic speedos and wiggling his junk around, they’re six and almost certainly would think it’s just being silly

        1. Well, yeah. I don’t think that 6 year old can be morally culpable for much in any case.

          1. I was fully aware of sex at age 6 and dying to get a look at my classmates’ pussies.

            True story.

            1. Yeah, I have a friend who was like that too. But even so, I doubt any 6 year old is aware of the ridiculously complex social and moral ramifications of sex.

    6. Well, when you infantilize a whole society through maternalistic nanny-stating, it’s no surprise that you have to come up with a bunch of rules for every conceivable offense.

      1. You must have policy for every imaginable event because you can’t allow anyone to exercise any judgement.
        This way no one is responsible.
        They are just following policy guidelines.

  26. Hey everybody,

    Happy Oaks Day!

    1. Also, for all the geeks out there, happy Star Wars Day.

      1. May the Fourth be with you.

        1. Something you would hear from Barney Frank walking out of The Empire Strikes Back.

      2. It’s also Cinco de Mayo Eve.

  27. OT I took the 6 year old to see “The Pirates” claymation flick. Braced for a cutesy hour or two I was indeed tickled by an appropriately libertarian monocle joke made about the urbane chimpanzee character.

    One of the screen writers must read Reason…

    1. I am always surprised that so many kids’ films have enough content to keep adults able to sit through them. Those filmmakers seem to know what they’re doing.

      Also, this:

      “Wait, you won’t spend money on a name-brand phone but you got Lasik surgery for your geriatric cat?”

      “He only has one eye, Jeff. I can’t exactly buy him a cat monocle, can I? It’s pretentious.”

      1. Kids films occasionally spend money on this thing called a “writer” that adult oriented (especially action) films dont bother with.

        1. There is a big difference between a “kids” movie and a “family” movies. Kid movies can be every bit as dumb as grown up EXPLOSIONS movie.

          1. The great thing about Aardman, or one of the great things, is that they don’t throw in a bunch of PC messages about caring or sharing. They just stuff Queen Victoria in a dumbwaiter and feed her a porcupine.

            1. It takes a special mind to conceive of a penguin putting a rubber glove on his head as a disguise.

        2. Pixar and Aardman — I think I have every flick they made in my collection. My kids grew up two decades ago. I don’t even try to hide that I have these flicks for myself.

          1. Damn right. Even the slightly PC Monsters, inc gives me a heart tuggy.

    2. how was the movie overall?

      1. Good. Rental good. Not $12 a ticket good-but as an outing for your kid probably worth it.

        1. It also portrays British Royalty and scientists in general as unethical, kinky weirdos.

      2. If I may…

        Pretty good by Aardman standards. I was kinda surprised they had a monkey “asses” joke in it (figured they would have said “bums” or “bottoms”–would’ve sounded classier to middle-class Yanks).

        The wife had a couple of loud guffaws, that were, thankfully, not due to me.

    3. Aardman Animations is brilliant. Check out Chicken Run.

      1. Can’t forget: A Grand Day Out (1989), The Wrong Trousers (1993) and A Close Shave (1995)

        1. Ever see “Creature comforts”? Those are pretty entertaining too.

  28. U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon called the attacks “outrageous” and urged all countries to prevent and prosecute violence against the media and take action to ensure the safety of journalists and freedom of the press.

    The rest of you non-press can fuck off and die.

    1. Open season on bloggers, the scum of the Earth.

  29. Most worthless alcohol related invention EVAR

    “A French American scientist has invented a new alcohol spray that instantly intoxicates the user. However, the effects are nearly as brief, wearing off in a matter of moments.”

    How is that going to get anyone laid? What’s the fucking point?

    1. You use it to get her temporarily drunk, and use that impaired judgement to get her to do 4 tequila shots. Then when the temp drunk wears off, the regular drunk starts kicking in.

      1. Hmm. You may be onto something.

    2. Could we plumb it into a patio mister?

      1. You can do that now. I know Danes who pour vodka on sauna coals. Apparently, it stings your eyes and nose something fierce, but you become more or less instantly drunk for about 20 minutes.

        1. Those must be some great Danes…

          1. One thing I know for sure about the Danish, they’re usually pretty cheesy.

            1. And many are fruity.

              1. Being on average, about 8 feet tall, its hard to say that to their face. Usually eyeball-to-collarbone is the best you can get away with if you’re average height for an American like me.

    3. Better idea. We open a club and charge an hourly rate. We spray a booze mist continually. We don’t have to worry about liability because by time they get to the car they are sober. We profit.

      1. Can we work in hot waitresses in sci-fi themed costumes and rebreathers?

        1. Yes. Yes, we can. The accompanying pic of Tricia Helfer was marked as spam, so use your imagination.

          1. Now I’ll be in my bunk.

        2. The bouncers get to wear Darth Vader costumes with built in rebreathers.

    4. How is that going to get anyone laid?

      Some guys don;t take so long?

    5. There’s still no official word on if or when the WA|HH Quantum Sensations will be available in America.

      Well considering what happened to 4loko, I doubt it.

    1. “what’s wrong with her, she’s just lying there”

      God, I am so glad I haven’t seen this. Even Goatse is preferable

    2. LOL. I wish I knew those old ladies, that was awesome.

    3. Old Grandma ladies rule.

    1. 3rd Links thread in a row, eh? Good times.

      1. I don’t usually get all the way through AM or PM links, so I didn’t know if anyone had posted that before. Should have just assumed though, based on the people who post here. Oh well, AM link FAIL.

        1. I posted that one yesterday.

  30. Overheard on Facebook (friend of a friend commenting on her linking to a Pauli Krugnuts story):

    “Krugman is all you need to know about economics”. They were not being facetious.

    1. Do you ever counterattack these guys with horrific links of your own? Because the ensuing mental meltdown would be pretty funny to watch, I think. I have to admit, I closed and deleted my FB acct because the level of moronicness was too high for me to deal with.

      1. I just don’t bother. I learned from my relationship with a drunk that it’s no use trying to use logic and rationality on junkies. And these uber-liberals are like emotional junkies – they’ll believe anything that tugs at their heartstrings, no matter how illogical.

    2. he might be all that person needs to know. Because anything more might make their brain explode

    3. The friend probably meant it in a George Costanza do-everything-the-opposite-of-your-impulse way, right?

    4. Here’s some more stoopid to throw on your pile, Kristen…


      *barf*, as Barfman would say.

  31. Yes. Yes, we can. The accompanying pic of Tricia Helfer was marked as spam, so use your imagination.

    1. Squirrels!

  32. So, basically, Russia is saying this:

    “We demand the right for our missiles – should we ever launch them – to be able to reach their targets unfettered! And we want ponies!”

  33. NOAA pulls ad seeking magician for training event

    “In the wake of the GSA convention scandal that is still reverberating across the government, officials at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration on Thursday pulled a help-wanted ad for a magician to appear at a leadership training event for its staff in the Washington area next month.”

      1. “I wasn’t able to do anything at home for her,” the Troy resident said. “Nobody was giving me any options.

        One of the things that I have stressed with myself and my kid is that if you have pets, sometimes you have to make extremely difficult decisions regarding their healthcare. People who aren’t prepare to have their pets humanely euthanized when the pets is suffering should not own pets. having a pet put to sleep is emotionally difficult, but IMO living with the knowledge that you pointlessly extended a pet’s life for your own selfish needs, rather than putting its needs first, would be far more difficult. This subject makes me really mad. Fucking pet parents.

        1. Who says that it wanted to die, just because it was in pain? Not every person who’s a candidate for euthanasia takes the option.

        2. Oh god, how I hate the term “pet parents”. What the fuck happened to “master”.
          Major medical interventions for pets are incredibly dumb. I can see doing surgery on a dog you just paid $2000 for or something, but for a pet nearing the end of its life, it is just absurd. Unless you are really old, your pet is going to die in your lifetime. If you can’t deal with that, you should not keep pets. And they should sell kitty morphine. OTC.

  34. for a magician to appear at a leadership training event

    A government leader who can fool the little people? That is a worthy goal

    1. Anyone who can make it look like they cut something in half, when they did no such thing, is a natural for budget work.

      1. Romney is cutting to the bone! We can’t afford him to gut services.

  35. The United Breaks Guitars guy has a book out on how one man can make a difference.

  36. Oh for fuck’s sake. My colleague just handed me a clipping from the WaPo about some sort of overtime settlement with Walmart and the Dept of Labor.


    I’ll be out of my bunk now.

    1. “Cum box” needs to become a reason meme, like now.

      1. Oh. My. God.

        Also, “cum box” is definite meme-able material.

        1. Must be used as the ultimate non-sequitor. blah, blah, blah. Also, my cum box.

  37. Officer, am I free to gambol about field and desert?

    Why yes, yes you are.

  38. That looks like it might jsut work!


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