A.M. Links: Violence Marks May Day, Explosion Rocks Kabul, Super Moon's Saturday


  • pic related

    Violence marked some May Day celebrations around the world, but no revolutions reported.

  • A car bomb rocked Kabul, hours after the President concluded a surprise visit and speech from the Bagram Air Force Base.
  • Dharun Ravi's lawyers are asking a court to overturn his conviction for the bias intimidation of Tyler Clementi. "To criminalize a defendant for a victim's mistaken belief about the defendant's motive would turn the bias intimidation statute into a mockery of itself," wrote the lawyers.
  • A British parliamentary panel declared Rupert Murdoch "unfit to lead" News Corp, voting along party lines. The move could pave the way for Britain's regulators to seize Murdoch's controlling stake of British Sky Broadcasting.
  • A ring of missiles to be deployed in London for the Olympics this summer don't work in bad weather.
  • Super moon's coming Saturday. The full moon will be 16% brighter than normal.

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NEXT: What We Saw at Occupy Wall Street's May Day Protest in NYC (feat. Rage Against The Machine's Tom Morello)

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  1. Violence marked some May Day celebrations around the world, but no revolutions reported.

    Plenty of revulsions, though.

    1. “The peasants are revolting!”

      “That’s right, they stink on ice”

      1. “That’s right, they stink on ice”

        I thought that was just the Toronto Maple Leafs?

      2. The chickens are revolting!

        1. and their stupidity is overwhelming

    2. Fresh protests as weed pass takes effect

      There are mounting protests in the south of the Netherlands against the introduction of the ‘weed pass’. As of 1 May, coffeeshops in southern Dutch cities are only allowed to sell marijuana and hashish to Dutch residents with a special card. Foreign tourists are prohibited from purchasing weed.

      Coffeeshop owners in Maastricht and other southern Dutch cities are up in arms about the new regulation. In Maastricht, 12 of the 13 coffeeshops closed their doors in protest on Tuesday. The only shop which remained open received a written warning from the municipality because it continued to sell soft drugs to foreign tourists. It expects to be closed down today.

      The law will go into effect in all other coffeeshops in the Netherlands on 1 January 2013. There are fears that the weed pass will lead to the illegal sale of soft drugs. Dealers say they’re ready and willing to fill the gap and they have plenty of supplies on hand.

      1. Genius. Get rid of crime by making pot legal, then create a black market for it.

        Then when crime goes up, the Prohibitionists will say, “See, pot = crime.”

        1. or sodden germans vomiting on the tulips = chunky revulsion

          1. I thought it was older German men in Speedos=chunky revulsion.

            1. that too. went to a nude beach in north germany. grandma, grandpa, & the grandkids exploded my eyeballs…and the reflected sun exploded my sac the next day

        2. And of course even selling the soft drugs is a crime, so crime will necessarily go just by maintaining what was a completely legal and fruitful business transaction yesterday.

          Government: we create crime everywhere we can.

    3. Violence marked some May Day celebrations around the world, but no revolutions reported.

      In other news, the sun rose in the east today…

  2. Sigh…Am I really the first one? I feel like such a douche having to type “first.”


    1. Well, you win that round McFisty.

        1. And what, Fists are for openers?

          God, that’s disgusting.

          1. Openers or openings?

        2. Show him your watch FoE.

          1. Second prize? A set of steak knives.

            1. Third prize is you’re fisted.

              1. (Seriously, I waited almost three hours because HOW COULD SOMEONE ELSE NOT HAVE MADE THAT JOKE?)

    1. People are just practicing for the post-apocalyptic/Mad Max/Fallout world. It’s going to be awesome…except for the reduced life expectancy, radiation, and mohawks.

      1. Except for the mohawks!? I thought that was a plus.

    2. Chainsaw and samurai sword used in neighbours’ clash over loud music

      20 of them with bats, swords, poles and a chainsaw… Good thing they have gun control in Australia, or somebody might have gotten hurt!

      Have you ever noticed these things always seem to involve a katana (“samurai sword”), never a colichemarde?

      1. Well, in the matchup, it would appear that a chainsaw > a katana.

      2. Probably because you can get a 20 dollar katana at every head shop in the land. When was the last time you saw a colichemarde for sale outside of a RenFest?

  3. It’s official. Lindsay Lohan has been dropped and Amanda Seyfried will play Linda Lovelace.


    1. Cool. I would rather see Amanda naked.

      1. I was going to make a Chloe Sevigny joke (since they worked together on Big Love), but, I see she is in the movie too.

        1. If want to see Chloe Sevigny, no shit, suck a dick and swallow real MANnaise, watch the last scene of The Brown Bunny. That’s probably the only reason to watch that movie for any reason…ever…and she isn’t even that hot. So, in other words, don’t watch it. Just power up chrome and whack it to redtube instead.

          1. If you*

          2. THATS THE JOKE (.jpg)

            1. Sorry, Drax, but Im going to rant here for a minute.

              Have we reached the point where subtle is impossible anymore? Do I have to mention The Brown Bunny to make a Brown Bunny joke? Really? What the fuck is wrong with humanity?

              1. Umm…No problem? I’m obviously missing something here…but I did go to pubic skoal.

                Frankly, I’m just surprised another human being in this hemisphere has seen The Brown Bunny and lived through the boredom to tell the tale. It’s like watching The Human Centipede 2 and not dying from involuntary organ retching. Quite a feat.

                1. The Human Centipede 2

                  Wha? I laughed through the whole thing. It’s the best comedy of the year.

                  1. I’m mean, to be honest, nothing can phase me after years of “accidentally” seeing horrors like Goatse, Two Girls/One Cup, and Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo. But if I was raised like a good christian with no personality whatsoever? Something as mild as a Victoria’s Secret catalogue would kill me.

                    1. Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo is one of those rare instances of the sequel being insanely better than the original.

                    2. Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo is one of those rare instances of the sequel being insanely better than the original.

                      Like House Party 2, amirite?

                    3. nothing can phase me after years of “accidentally” seeing horrors like Goatse, Two Girls/One Cup, and Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo…

                      Not fair. Breakin’ II had some good stuff… Laser, alluding to ‘dancin in the rain’ with the broom scene?

                      I was trying to think of some replacement for ‘horrifyingly bad’, and nothing came to mind. I was thinking, “Battlefield Earth”, but then even that’s a great stoner film.

                      I think

                  2. Thanks guys. I only watched the trailer for the first Hunam Centipede and it took weeks to get those disquisting images out of my brain. I can’t imagine wanting to watch either much less both.

                    1. Watch Daniel Tosh’s “review” of Human Centipede. Shorter and funnier and you get the gist anyway.

                    2. Yeah, his review is pretty great. But the movie wasn’t really all that gruesome. Supposedly the second one is foul beyond imagining though.

                2. Ive seen exactly one scene from The Brown Bunny.

                  And, as blowjob scenes go, it was pretty wretched. Its not even worth watching.

                  And, it isnt that people have seen it, its that its the only thing Sevigny is known for.

              2. What the fuck is wrong with humanity?

                Take your pick.

              3. What the fuck is wrong with humanity?

                DSM IV has a handy list. Pick as necessary.

      2. I don’t know, if they could back in time and get Lindsay before she went off the rails that would be pretty hot.

        1. Mean Girls era Lohan was smoking.

    2. New trend: Deep Throat was the first porn movie with a plot, but Linda – who later became an activist against the adult industry – said she was forced to take part

      And she didn’t call the police at the time… why?

      1. As I understand it, the dog had a gun to her head.

    3. Lindsay Lohan has been dropped and Amanda Seyfried will play Linda Lovelace.

      I’m actually really, really, really OK with this.

  4. “To criminalize a defendant for a victim’s mistaken belief about the defendant’s motive would turn the bias intimidation statute into a mockery of itself,” wrote the lawyers.

    The statute should then be charged for mocking itself.

    1. Guess I need more coffee. I’m having trouble understanding the lawyers’ assertion. However, your comment is helping, Fist.

      1. Something like, it makes no sense to punish someone for having evil motives when in fact they did not, and applying the statute to do so makes it a tool for intimidation based on race/creed/color.

    2. How about instead we have laws concerning what people do rather then trying to read their minds and figuring out what is going on inside their heads and also in this case what was going on in the head of the guy who committed suicide.

      1. But if we did that, how could we make sure that only people who think Approved Thoughts? walk the streets freely?

      2. Well, I think that you need to judge people’s intentions to some extent. Or do you thing that there should be no distinction between premeditated murder and manslaughter?

        1. but that distinction is based largely on a person’s actions as indicated by the evidence.

    1. Not enough hookers. 7/10

  5. I posted this yesterday afternoon, but it’s worth posting again.

    Bar Refaeli frolicking topless on the beach!

    (safe for work, unfortunately)


    1. Bar Refaeli frolicking

      Why, one might even say she is “gamboling.”

  6. Missiles at the Olympics?

    1. Yeah, but North Korean model missiles.

    2. If it’s for the Olympics, shouldn’t it be five rings of missiles?

      1. Yes, and they should be stronger, faster, and higher than any air defence* missiles ever.

        *Since they will be in London.

    3. the final decision on whether to fire the weapon systems would be taken at the [quote]very highest political level[quote].

      “Bloody ‘hell! Too late!”

  7. The move could pave the way for Britain’s regulators to seize Murdoch’s controlling stake of British Sky Broadcasting.

    The British government controlling media? It’s unheard of there!

    1. So they want to replace a guy who runs the business well enough to pay its own bills with the British government which is up to its ears in debt and going deeper ever second.

      1. the official inquiry pronounced murdoch unfit to run a major company following his testimony.

        1. Cause British pols are fit to pronounce anyone else unfit?

          1. imagine that murdoch’s unfitness repelled even unfit pols.

          2. Wonder what else the British government has the right to declare people unfit for?

  8. Does this Supermoon business mean that Homeland Security will raise the werewolf threat level to “silver”?

    1. You just want the lycanthropes to win.

      1. Aha, I see you are TEAM EDWARD.

        1. How dare you.

        2. Sheesh, he’s TEAM LUCIAN. Get it right or pay the price.

            1. Thank Galt for this place – I can always count on someone to catch a reference.

              To this day I know that a giraffe’s tongue is black thanks to that show.

        3. I’m Team Kessler

      2. Sure, becoming a werewolf means you can indiscriminately kill guards without building up a bounty.

        1. LOL. +100

        2. That hurts. I paid good money for that disappointing POS.

          But keep in mind: Though the unusual appearance of this month’s full moon may be surprising to some, there’s no reason for alarm, scientists warn. The slight distance difference isn’t enough to cause any earthquakes or extreme tidal effects, experts say.

          I like the way they hedge their bets there. We aren’t going to tell you not to panic, but the experts say the full moon probably isn’t going trigger the extinction of life and cause the Earth to fall into the Sun.

          1. Two angles on the same story – see if you can spot the differences between the newspaper report and the television report.

            1. Hmmm… naked people deserve to die?

    2. If you see something, howl something.

    3. Stay vigilant, and together we can gar-lick this threat.

      1. ^^This^^ is almost as bad as last night’s “monoclenucleosis” comment.


        1. Puns like that are the wolf bane of your existence.

          1. I wouldn’t lupine over it too much.

  9. Women without plastic surgery or implants in Hollywood? Good luck with that one.


    1. when Peter Weir needed authentically 18th-century looking people (ie stunted toothless etc) as extras in Master and Commando he went to Gdansk. Probably would have to go further east nowadays

      1. Gdansk? What’s wrong with eastern Kentucky?

        1. Probably could have found plenty in SugarFree’s basement.

    2. Ugh, I hate fake tits. Although watching chicks flaunt ’em on South Beach isn’t a bad way to spend an afternoon.

    3. On the sidebar I noticed that the British chick who keeps telling everyone how pretty they think she is is now saying “Sorry, some women ARE too ugly for TV.”

      1. She is one of them.

        1. That’s what’s kind of funny about all this. At least Kelly LeBrock Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful was actually beautiful. But I’d rather watch a plain person (male or female) discuss something passionately and articulately than watch a “conventionally attractive” plastic head spout off sound bites. That woman she was dissing, Mary Beard, is actually interesting to listen to.

  10. necrotizing fasciitis is such a Slayer disease, so this isn’t all that surprising

    1. That’s so metal.

      /Nathan Explosion

  11. I’m glad they are trying to be more transparent but my state has seriously gone full retard since Haley took office…

  12. Jezebel writer thinks that fat girls dancing on bar tops maybe shouldn’t be a Human Rights Commission issue, gets shouted down in comments.

    Link to the thread where not letting an over-weight girl dance on a bar is equated repeatedly to racial segregation in Jom Crow-era South.

    Contains this nice bit of reasoning:

    We rail all the time here against discrimination based on things that are outside one’s control, like gender and race. I’m having trouble understanding why this is a different situation, and I’d really appreciate any insight you can give me as to why this kind of discrimination is okay when others clearly aren’t.

    Weight is as immutable as gender and race?

    1. Oh she can dance all she wants, but she shouldn’t be surprised when everyone “ignores” her as they not so-silently exit the establishment.

      1. We can leave her friends behind…

        1. Cause her friends don’t dance
          And if they don’t dance
          Well they’re no friends of mine.

    2. Won’t somebody please think of the structural integrity of the bar?

      1. exactly, if I paid big dollars for a wooden bar, I would be a little pissed if some landwhale was abusing the fine oak.

    3. It’s always better to read, and comment in, the local college newspaper’s take on it. You usually get an extra dose of retarded, which you will see is what I faced in the comments section.

      1. Sloop, I tip my tophat and wink through my monocle in appreciation for your outstanding intellectual bravery in engaging with those clowns.

      2. You were arguing with a painfully leftist guy called Joe? Must have felt like the good old days around here

      3. It’s not called the People’s Republic of Johnson County for no reason.

      4. wow….I didn’t expect the full stupid from corn-fed IA, but that could be a reflection on me. Evidently, the sense of entitlement and manufactured outrage has leapt far beyond the usual liberal enclaves.

        Nice job, though, in attempting to make a reasoned argument and trying to instill some critical thinking. And to think those are tomorrow’s leaders.

      5. Thanks for trying, Sloop. But I do feel that your referring to her as a “land whale” didn’t do anything to advance the argument.

      6. Sloop, I was just talking about the asshat who suggested that a law should be made against discriminating based on weight, which, if carried to its logical extreme, would start WWIII at the first comment on any HuffPo article that mentioned the US and Europe.

    4. Actually, shockingly, I agree with the article itself, and with a good number of the commenters, who are fighting the good fight.

      Sure, there are deeply stupid comments, but there is also:

      My point, which you entirely missed, is that dancing on a bar is not a fucking right. No one was prohibited from getting a job, or obtaining a residence, etc. If you are a bar owner, you have the legal right to determine who has the PRIVILEGE of dancing on your bar. It has nothing to do with morality, it has to do with people running wild with the idea that every fucking thing that they do is a RIGHT and not a PRIVILEGE. Better?

      1. plus teh [FATZ]

    5. race, color, religion, creed, sex, national origin, age, disability, veteran status or sexual orientation…and now…being a FAT HAIRY BITCH!

      1. give it time and the list of folks not given preferential treatment will be shorter than those who are.

        1. Yeah, the law will eventually read: It is unlawful to discriminate unless it is against a white man of solely Anglo descent that earns more than 25% above the poverty line.

      2. Goony Goo-goo!

        Did she slam her face in the water and come up with a fish in her mouth?

        1. Your wife is a Bigfoot Gus…you shaved the bitch down and taught her to speak.

      3. No, no, hairy people are still gross. Just being a fat bitch.

  13. Though the unusual appearance of this month’s full moon may be surprising to some, there’s no reason for alarm, scientists warn. The slight distance difference isn’t enough to cause any earthquakes or extreme tidal effects, experts say.

    Scientists warn?

    “You won’t fire that shotgun at the moon if you know what’s good for you!”

    1. The slight distance difference isn’t enough to cause any earthquakes or extreme tidal effects, experts say.

      Oh, it’s just a harmless little *bunny*, isn’t it?

      1. Look at the bones!

      2. Death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

        1. I soiled my armor.

    2. Scientists dude. Science!

    3. You know, many people are just fucking dumb enough to worry about a larger appearing moon. I, however, have faith that Flash will kill Ming before it gets close enough to turn the rest of us into mindless zombies.

      1. “That’s no moon. It’s a space station.”

      2. I’m more worried about the Ewok attack that could come of it.

        Question: if the Endor moon had all those Ewoks on it, was the planet itself inhabited? And for the more sciency reasoniods, I ask you, what is the likelihood that a planet is uninhabited but its moon has lush green forests and little furry fucks running around all over it?

        1. Common in Larry Niven’s universes.

          Generally a gas giant with a roughly earth sized moon.

          Then you have the smoke ring…which is, ummm, weird.

          1. Jinx in Known Space, for example. Jinx is the moon of a gas giant around Sirius A.

          2. I realize this doesnt answer the question of how likely it really is…but its a common sci-fi idea.

            1. NASA’s finding lots of gas giants in habitable orbits. It suggests strongly that an earth type moon could be common.

              1. If the moon has a large enough magnetic field to fend off solar radiation, it could probably retain an atmosphere. One problem with moons of gas giants is that the gas giant probably has a very powerful magnetic field of its own, which could interfere with the moon’s.

                1. A good point BP, but the ability of a body to hold an atmosphere is much more dependent on that body’s gravitic field than it’s magnetic field.

        2. Do those rebel scum regret the actions that led to The Endor Holocaust? More importantly, does that regret exonerate them?

          Guess they’re just another bunch of those “ends justify the means” types. Typical.


        3. Offhand, I can’t think of any particular reason why a moon of sufficient size couldn’t be located in the life-bearing zone and evolve life.

        4. Sloopy: It’s theoretically possible to have a moon with earthlike conditions orbiting an uninhabitable (by us) planet. A moon big enough to hold a breathably dense atmosphere implies a really, really big planet – Jupiter sized or larger. A planet that big would be uninhabitable because of the gravity field. A 200 pound person would weigh 472.8 pounds on Jupiter – a heart which evolved for Earth’s gravity field would blow out pretty quickly in those conditions.

          (*) I’m using “big” to describe the mass of the body, not the diameter.

          1. I see. Thanks (and to the rest of the commentators who chimed in) for the heads-up. I’m admittedly ignorant when it comes to things like that.

            And I also just hate the Ewoks enough that I hoped their existence was impossible. Alas.

            1. And I also just hate the Ewoks enough that I hoped their existence was impossible.

              I hope they’re real so I can hunt ’em, kill ’em, cook ’em, and make a coat of of their pelt

              1. The only proper thing to make from an Ewok pelt is a cape, preferably with adorable-but-dead Ewok face still attached.

                1. i stand corrected Well, slouch corrected. You may be my stylist, and advise me on this season’s monocles

                2. And Ewok stole would accomplish the same thing, and be ever so jaunty.

                  1. Yes, Kristen, or a shawl, since Ewoks are so deliciously chubby. And I must give credit here to my brother, the inspiration for any Ewok-based designs. When he was little he used to run around wearing only a hooded baby towel claiming to be Wicket.

                    Re: monocles, the hipsters have scandalously co?pted tortoiseshell. Just FYI.

                    1. I hear tell the hipsters have also claimed the top hat, the fuckers.

                    2. Pah. One can always tell a parvenu by their gallery-less monocle.

                    3. You know, I just (just?) realized that since I am almost 20/20 in one eye, I could sort of legitimately wear a monocle.

        5. It seems to be common in the Star Wars universe. Yavin IV was a jungle moon.

        1. So the sun is a little more variable than we thought.

    4. Nothing bad will happen and you’ll be perfectly safe. You have been warned.

    5. Moderate consumption of softdrinks will not harm most people, scientists warn.

    6. Yes, people get paid to write that shit.

  14. Questioning his [Murdoch’s] fitness to lead a company could have bearing on his almost 40% controlling stake in British Sky Broadcasting. British regulatory authorities are charged with determining whether major stakeholders such as Murdoch are “fit and proper” owners of mass media in Britain, and the agency overseeing BSkyB said it would take the parliamentary committee’s findings into consideration in its review of Murdoch’s ownership.

    And so the UK once again demonstrates its determination to stay ahead of the USA in the retard sweepstakes.

    1. A government-commissioned inquiry down here seriously proposed a government press regulator that would adjudicate on the truth or falsity of news not only in traditional news media but blogs with more than 5,000 visits a year. So we’re vying with the UK

      1. Ugh. Where was this?

      2. What part of Oz do you live in?

        1. Sydney. The Federal Government-commissioned Independent Media Inquiry is here A libertarian view of it is here

          1. Thanks.

          2. My superficial perusal tells me that IPA (“Free people, free society”) is kind of an Australian analog of the Reason Foundation.

            1. yeah, you’d think so, but the IPA is much more closely aligned with the Liberal Party, which is basically like the Republican party. That’s the main reason (hah!) that Reason gets my money ahead of the IPA. The IPA also is nowhere near as fun as Reason.

              1. I don’t know, India Pale Ale is pretty fun.

                1. I wonder if the organizations name was chosen for the punning potential of the initials.

          1. Bart is a Tea Partier! Around the 19 minute mark.

      3. So would they block access to The Onion ?

    2. “You’re not fit and proper! The whole trial’s not fit and proper!”

    3. because wide-apread phone hacking of murder victims is simply due diligence?

      1. No, because the remedy for that is criminal and/or civil actions against the individuals involved and/or the company. The government shouldn’t have the power to step in and directly say who can and can’t own a private company.

        1. Seizing a completely unrelated company where there is no evidence that any wrongdoing occurred is especially banana-republic.

          It will be interesting to see if the gormless politicos suddenly grow a pair when it comes to stealing. I’m guessing they might.

          If they do seize the company, will they have to pay for it?

          1. Seizing a completely unrelated company where there is no evidence that any wrongdoing occurred is especially banana-republic.

            Ironic, considering it’s a monarchy.

        2. your remedy plu. the brits have another remedy

          1. And I think their remedy is wrong. (And I worry about people here following their example.)

            1. I don’t know, I think seizing Fox News would be the last straw that finally triggers a real revolt. Granted, it would probably just make things worse, whoever won. But it resulted in the breakup of the union and the destruction of the Washington order, that would be something.

        3. “The government shouldn’t have the power to step in and directly say who can and can’t own a private company”

          If it was good enough for GM…

    4. Sounds like they’re trying to stay ahead of Putin.

  15. Stop telling women to put on pants! We live a golden age! It will pass soon enough without Jezebel’s interference!

    1. Enough about women’s wear. When will you spearhead the revival of codpieces?

      1. Why would anyone want to wear an artificial gunt?

        1. to signal your pelvic puissance to awestruck women and men, and bend us to your will

          1. I already do that. Girls still say they want a guy that will make them laugh, right? Right? RIGHT?

            1. Yeah we do. Some of us even mean it

              1. High five.

                (I sure don’t love Karl Pilkington for his looks, for fuck’s sake)

                1. High five was to IFH

            2. That’s what they say, but when does a woman actually want what she says she wants?

              “I’lll have the Salad.”


              Okay…that was too misogynistic. Jezebelesbians, bring it on.

        2. So you can pee right into a stream!

        3. “Why would anyone want to wear an artificial gunt?”

          Actors in HBO historical porn dramas?

      2. We were whiling away Sunday morning watching 80s music videos. I have to admit, some of the codpieces were impressive, in a tasteless adolescent sort of way.

    2. skirts, which are pretty much expensive towels that defense attorneys can use as evidence that you weren’t really raped


      1. Oh Zeb, don’t pretend you haven’t read enough Jezebel to understand: if you wear a skirt someone will be able to claim you were “asking for it.” Ugh. On the other hand, I still have no idea what this blogger actually thinks about leggings and their status as clothing.

        1. Well, she had a full-throated defense of jeggings, so I guess she’s okay with them provided they don’t make her look like a feature from People of Walmart.

          1. She’s a Jezebel poster. Draw your own conclusion from that.

        2. Actually, I try to read it just little enough (I honestly never go there except by links from here) that this shit still surprises me just a little bit.

  16. I find this interesting.

    ATLANTA (AP) – When a Georgia middle school student reported to police and school officials that she had been bullied on Facebook, they told her there was not much they could do because the harassment occurred off campus.

    The reason why is that schools these days tend to claim universal jurisdiction (think Bong Hits for Jesus) and yet, here they are saying that their hands are tied because this happened off-campus.


    1. so you want schools to claim MOAR jurisdiction then?

      1. Poor Orrin, and you’re trying so hard too.

        1. It’s not teh rael, original orrin.

      2. Are you actively trying to say the dumbest things possible ?

        1. It’s just a troll. It wins when you respond in any way.

          1. pip’s words einstein

            1. He said he found it “interesting” that a school laid off of its claimed jurisdiction, you fucking moron.

              1. What Randian said, my little yellow friend.

                1. “The reason why is that schools these days tend to claim universal jurisdiction (think Bong Hits for Jesus) and yet, here they are saying that their hands are tied because this happened off-campus.”
                  very clearly implies the school should’ve asserted jurisdiction here as they do in other off-campus incidents.

              2. pip wrote “the reason…”

                *sister please give randian a ruler swat*

      3. needs moar reading comprehension skillz

    2. I’m still trying to figure out the mechanics of bullying on the internet. Somebody acts like a douche on FB, you block them. Game over.

      1. I think part of the problem is that even though you can block them, they still have a new medium to continue to foster their pointless hatred of you collectively and electronically…or something like that. At some point, these days, kids make the conscious choice of whether or not to do something drastic or instead, learn not to give a shit about what assholes think. I mean, while some fucks at school waste their free time hating someone for no good reason, you can be watching porn and learning differential equations.

        1. “I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.”

        2. watching porn and learning differential equations

          redtube & ODEs make up 90% of my weekend.

      2. Wasn’t this the case where they made a fake FB page pretending to be the bully-ee? I can see how that would have ramifications outside of FB, and also why a libel suit is legit.

        1. Yeah, from what I understood, the “friends” made a fake FB page with the girl’s name and information, and then posted malicious and false stuff to it. It wasn’t that they were being douches on her real page.

          1. Ahhh. Different kettle of fish. Yeah, civil suit up, bitches.

      3. I just got blocked by a chick for pointing out that the right to trade for birth control is not the same as forcing someone else to pay for it. And, yes, she was talking about the Republican War on Women?.

        1. I just got blocked by a chick for pointing out

          Well, consider that a gift, I’d say.

          1. OTOH, she was on birth control, and therefore easy, right?

  17. This may well be the coolest thing ever dude. Wow.


  18. But experts have claimed that the systems are useless in poor weather as they rely on the operator being able to see the target.

    What a fucking hit piece. They, of course, in their criticism, fail to point out that the terrorist can’t see their target in bad weather either.

    And I’m quite certain, if they are going to this extreme, there will be Patriots in the vicinity.

    1. there will be Patriots in the vicinity.

      Of the missile, moron, or meathead variety?

      1. I heard Belichek has been sending spies to AQ training camps, and that when they start making moves in London, the Patriots will already know what’s coming.

        Hopefully at some time in the late summer, we will be discussing Tom Brady as collateral damage in a chip shop attack that was otherwise foiled. Hopefully.

    2. Well thank God they are in London then, that place hardly ever has bad weather.

  19. Soul-Funk Guitarist and ‘Shaft’ Wah-Wah Creator Charles ‘Skip’ Pitts Dies


    1. Trying to figure out how to write out his wah-wah part without triggering the fifty-character Nazi squirrels.

    2. RIP and thanks.

    1. Leaving aside comments on her Mother of the Year award, wtf is that around her mouth?

      1. That is her mouth. Perhaps she was trying to suck-start her K-car.

        1. That’s pretty harsh, Sloop – the K-car bit, that is.

      2. That might be that permanent makeup stuff, i.e., a tattoo.

      3. And that is 44? Dear fuck, lady, slow down. You’re supposed to leave a good looking corpse.

    2. Ugh, looks like her poor kid is a redhead too. Why the hell would you deliberately take a redhead into a tanning booth? Grrrrr. I am joining your “I hate people sometimes” club. Sign me up.

      1. Sign me up.

        I am consistently polite to only two types of people: food and beverage providers, and librarians. Your “Twinks or bears?” t-shirt is in the email

        1. Haha. You should post a pic of the T-shirt if you do have it made. That would be funny as heck.

    3. [In voices from the good Willy Wonka movie]

      Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo
      I’ve got another puzzle for you.
      If you are wise you’ll pay my words heed.
      Like this Oompa Loompa mom in Jersey.

      What do you get when your daughter’s all pale?
      A trip to a booth where they’ll make her skin well.
      And if she burns and her skin starts to boil.
      Just send her back but all covered with oil.

      Just like this bad mother did.

      Oompa Loompa doopity do.
      I’ve just given a lesson to you.
      I hope you were wise and listened to me.
      Like the Oompa Loompa doopity dee!

    1. Mr Umphenour and Miss Pasco met online because they both loved the sport of mud bogging — driving a big truck through thick mud as fast as possible to see which muddy monster can make it the farthest.

      aaaaaaah, that’s sweet!

    2. yeaaa ! a man’s wedding!…instead of some overpriced, gayed-up, living scrapbook that ends in divorce anyways. >let the beer, sammy’s, & drunkin dancing begin!

      1. Please don’t me like you, even a little bit.

        1. i got a monster truck

      2. My last wedding (and I do mean my last wedding) featured barbecue, full-strength margaritas, and beer. Outdoors, at our house.

        We capped it off with a hellacious thunderstorm.

        Post-party reactions ranged from “What happened yesterday?” to “Awesome!”.

    3. Not the redneckiest wedding I’ve ever heard of. Or attended.

    4. Wedding in Palatka? No need to explain further.

  20. A British parliamentary panel declared Rupert Murdoch “unfit to lead” News Corp, voting along party lines. The move could pave the way for Britain’s regulators to seize Murdoch’s controlling stake of British Sky Broadcasting.

    The same people unfit to manage a whole country have the conceit to say they can determine the competence of a man to lead his own company.

    1. Takes one to know one, I guess?

    2. I’m glad I didn’t read any Rand books. No spoilers that way.

  21. Super moon’s coming Saturday. The full moon will be 16% brighter than normal.

    I wil be wearing my darkglasses at night. So I can, so I can.

  22. A car bomb rocked Kabul, hours after the President concluded a surprise visit and speech from the Bagram Air Force Base.

    It’s their own special way of saying “Muchas gracias, senior Presidente!”

    [Sorry, no tilde allowed by the filter]

    Here, Americans usually rely on quasi-fascist pageantry, but the Afghan people are a queer bunch.

    1. se?or Presidente

      There ya go.

  23. I’m surprised this hasn’t made it to HnR yet:

    Man abandoned in DEA cell steps forward.

    An engineering student stepped forward with his lawyer Tuesday to say he was left alone in a federal holding cell for five days with no food or water, apparently forgotten by the federal drug agents who detained him.

    Daniel Chong, 24, a UC San Diego senior, said he was swept up in a Drug Enforcement Administration raid near campus and was taken to the Kearny Mesa facility. After questioning, he was told he would be released.

    Then the DEA left him locked inside a five-by-10-foot windowless cell.

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