A.M. Links: America "Within an Inch of War," China Mocks India, LA School District Lowering Standards

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  • checked out

    Defense Secretary Leon Panetta claims America's "within an inch of war almost every day" with regard to North Korea. "We just have to be very careful about what we say and what we do," he continued.

  • Chinese media outlets mocked India's missile test this week, calling the missile a "dwarf" compared to  China's own arsenal.
  • LA's school authorities want to roll back stricter graduation standards, fearing an increase in the drop-out rate with the stricter standards.
  • A woman whose face was mauled off by a friend's monkey wants to sue the state of Connecticut for $150 million for allowing her friend to own the chimp.
  • Two of the secret service agents involved with prostitutes in Colombia have been identified, with one allegedly posting on Facebook that he "was really checking out" Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin while assigned to protect her.
  • Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan is set to appear in court today to defend her decision not to pay federal income taxes. "I refuse to fund the empire's crimes and wars," Sheehan said. "I feel a certain amount of guilt that my taxes were used to murder my own son."

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  1. Case dismissed against jury-nullification advocate Julian P. Heicklen

    1. This then, according to what the judge said, would appear to be unmitigated and brazen prosecutorial abuse. Isn’t there a sanction for that?

      1. Yes, an overtime bonus.

      2. Isn’t there a sanction for that?

        The matter is before a grand jury as we speak, and indictments are expected to be handed down very soon.

        Yep, any minute now . . .

      3. Yes, the prosecutor will get to run for higher office – state senator or something – with a campaign slogan of
        “fought to prevent jury tampering that could effect cases brought against Wall Street criminals and organized crime mobsters.” In NY, wins in a walk.

    1. “But what I found most offensive of all is that World War II is to be described as “the European Civil War”.

      That’s right: a European Civil War that saws millions fight and die in theatres around the world in places as diverse as Tobruk, Pearl Harbour and the Burma Railway. “

      1. What’s the justification? That Europe had essentially colonized most of the operational theatres and therefore it was a European war? Weird.

        1. Eurocratic fantasy. These guys just keep pretending they’re heir to Charlemagne the Holy Roman Empire and, uh, some other regime that saw the whole of Europe under a single government.

          1. You leave the Illuminati out of this! Those people are nice!

            1. The Illuminati are so enlightened!

          2. dont forget jesus’s kids moved to france w the maltese falcon n stuff

            1. That’s the best and funniest comment I’ve seen from you, o3.

          3. Napoleonic France?

            1. it was the stuff dreams are made of !

        2. No, the justification is denial of thier own violent past. So, whitewash it, just like Japan.

  2. David Randall Chaney, a 48-year-old supervisor, wrote that he was ‘really checking out’ the vice-presidential candidate when he guarded her during the 2008 election campaign.

    I’m sure Biden was flattered.

    1. Clearly the country is in the best of hands.

    2. I’m starting to understand how Reagan could be shot in a crowd by a nutter.

    3. In other news, journalists discover that men like looking at attractive women even after they are married.

      1. I don’t think the average man would post about it on Facebook though. Especially if it was related to their prestigious job.

        1. Yeah, this guy’s utter lack of common sense and good judgment makes me wonder how he ever became a SS agent.

  3. Cop kills dog. Nothing else happens.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..dress.html

    1. Yeah this one’s been making the rounds for a few days now. I pray for the day when an enraged homeowner disarms the cop who just shot his dog and beats the jagaloon to within an inch of his life.

      1. Why? So they can be executed when backup arrives?

        1. Why? So they can be executed when backup arrives

          Unless you think they’d put him on his knees and put one in the back of his head, I think it’s reasonable to believe that he’d calm down by the time backup arrived and that he’d be taken into custody peacefully. Then we’d get the spectacle of a trial, and I dare say he’d be acquitted. Wishful thinking, maybe, but I could see it shaking loose like that.

          1. You really think that backup, upon arriving to find one of their own in a puddle of blood, isn’t going to shoot the person right on the spot?

            1. You really think that backup, upon arriving to find one of their own in a puddle of blood, isn’t going to shoot the person right on the spot?

              If he surrenders peacefully, and especially if witnesses have gathered, then no, I don’t think they would simply execute him on the spot. Could I be wrong? Sure. But I don’t think most of them are quite so brazen, at least not yet.

              1. I don’t know, Karl. The more I see stories like this one, the less faith I have in guys with badges to do the right thing. For the Blues, putting hands on one of theirs is worse than pissing in church.

              2. All they need is for one of them to shout “He’s got a gun!” and then training takes over and bullets fly.

                Even if the witnesses say the guy was unarmed, it doesn’t matter.
                If one of the cops says they thought the guy was armed, then the shooting will be ruled justified.

                Heck, even if it’s caught on camera and it’s obvious that the guy was unarmed and not resisting, the shooting will be ruled as justified.

                They’re always ruled as justified.

            2. Cop killers get arrested alive all the time.

              1. Cop killers get arrested alive all the time.

                They get arrested when they kill a cop and then get away, to be found and arrested later.

                When cops arrive on the scene with a dead cop and the cop killer right there, the cop killer usually ends up dead.

                1. Surprisingly, not so much.

                  What was the guy in VA with the Japanese Maples? And a few other cases.

                  I used to think the same way you do, but as more and more people go on trial for shooting cops who invade their home, its clearly not the case.

                  1. Where I’m at that never happens. Someone shoots at the cops and they die.
                    Heck, they don’t even have to shoot at them.
                    A few years ago cops were stalking around a guys house after responding to a call that he had driven past some girls and shouted at them. He only saw armed men dressed in black, skulking around his house at night.
                    So he armed himself.
                    They saw through the window that he had armed himself, and they opened fire. Killed him.

                    Justified.

                  2. A little more recently a man was standing in his doorway, armed with a knife, and arguing with the cops.
                    They were a safe distance away, behind parked vehicles, yet they shot him anyway. Killed him dead.

                    Justified.

                    1. sarcasmic,

                      in both your examples, the guy was armed. They dont apply to what we are discussing.

                      If you kill a cop, quickly get unarmed and then they will just arrest you…or maybe beat you up and then arrest you. But your chance of surviving goes up.

                    2. More likely they’ll execute you and claim that they thought you were armed.

                2. Mumia survived such a scenario.
                  But, today, the perp would probably “fall” and break his skull in the paddy wagon while on the way to lockup.

            3. Because of this probable police reaction to violence against there own is why I find the part near the end of The Dark Knight when a horde of cops find the Joker, the guy who spent the entire movie killing hordes of cops, strung up to be arrested wholly unbelievable. The fact is, those cops would have riddled that asshole with bullets and since Heath Ledger died anyway, that’s probably how they should have ended that movie. At least that “hardcore, realistic, and deep” movie would have been more realistic.

              1. Have people been describing a Batman movie as “realistic”?!

                1. Have people been describing a Batman movie as “realistic”?!

                  Just the parts where Christian Bale’s character is a prick to everyone around him.

    2. Reason’s 1993 Ruby Ridge story was the original “cop shoots dog” story.

    3. Every question this poor guy asks is perfectly reasonable, e.g. “Why did you pull your gun on me? I’m not armed.”

      And of course, “WHY DID YOU SHOOT MY DOG?”

    4. If that had been my dog, that cop would be ID’d and located and every pet he ever owned would have very short life expectancy.

      1. Why take it out on the animals? They didn’t do anything. Kill his fuckin’ kids. Burn his house down while he and they are sleeping.

        1. what did the kids do? Sorry, zero equivalence between dogs and kids.

          1. it’s not what they did…but what they will do. best off the kids & nip it in the bud.

            1. My stepson’s father is a cop, and he can’t wait until he’s big enough to beat up his dad.

              1. his dad’s a cop..his stepdad is you. Dammit, there is a joke somewhere in there but I’m not caffeinated enough to think of it this a-m.

    1. Whitmire is an angry man. He is among a group of voters most skeptical of President Obama: non college-educated white males.

      1. There’s no chance I’m reading that article on a Friday; I want to be in good spirits for the weekend. But I’m curious, does the author attempt to provide evidence for that bit you excerpted?

        1. I would have excerpted more, but…

      2. 1) where in the hell do folks get the notion that “institutions” are what made the country great?

        2) this guy is emblematic of a class that wants to blame everyone else for anything bad that happens to them. Crap happens to everyone in life – layoffs, govt stupidity, shady characters. Damn, dude; snap out of it. Not you, LH, the guy in the story.

      3. “non college-educated white males” = RACIST!!!!!!111!!!!

    2. Cultural marxists spend over 100 years denigrating and degrading institutions that made America great, wonder why no one has faith in those institutions anymore.

      1. oh noes what’s next?…FEMA camps, gun confiscation, death panels?

        try something better than common radio entertainment.

        1. Death Panels are not a joke or hyperbole, Urine.

          1. tell it to brewer’s facist state death panel. red rocks was rockin sum radio agiprop about ‘merika

            1. ^^WTF IS THIS?^^

        2. We sent Americans to camps 60-some years ago.

          1. u mean when obama was elected?

            1. Obama wasn’t elected 60 years ago.
              It just feels that way.

              1. And it will feel like 60 years until the next election.

        3. Try something better than subliterate gurglings.

          1. o3 is the Worm That Walks. Just be happy that you can’t understand what he’s saying.

            1. I’m not sure he walks. I’m pretty sure he has a Rascal.

            2. Would that make him the Human Centipede?

            3. Why, those are Non-English characters! Squirrels!!! You’re falling down on the job!

    3. Yes, because it’s the government that made this country great, not the hard work of countless Americans. Alternate explanation: Americans are losing faith in their institutions in direct correlation to the respect in which the institutional employees hold Americans.

    4. Bad government corrupts a small set of institutions. Bad corporatist government corrupts all institutions. No surprise.

  4. FWIW– I just ROCKED Branson. Met Yakov and The Cleverlys. Gaze upon me boys and tremble.
    Later today, I rock Pea Ridge National Military Park. Tomorrow, I rock the Will Rogers home and museum.
    (Yeah, the highlife takes a toll, but it’s totally worth it.)

    1. Did you bring Shoji the appropriate offerings of fishbait sushi?

    2. Wait wait wait- I was honestly assuming the Yakov Smirnoff thing was a joke meant to exaggerate how behind the times Branson is. That was serious?

      1. Shoji put on a great show. True story. As for Yakov, is this a great country or what? First half of his show was actually pretty funny, but turned maudlin after intermission. As for The Cleverlys, yeah, they’re funny, but them boys can also flat out pick. Check ’em out.

    3. I had no idea what this Branson was before BP’s link. Now I can truly say there are vacation destinations that make the Redneck Riviera look classy.

      1. Homer Simpson: Branson is what Las Vegas would be if it were run by Ned Flanders.

  5. Hunger Games chick is good enough to eat!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..sh-TV.html

    1. Is it just me, or does she actually look better when she doesn’t smile?

      1. Belive me, it’s not just you.

      2. I think she’d look better with my balls bouncing off her chin, but that’s just me.

      3. She certainly looks better without the glamour makeup.

        1. I was thinking the same thing. She looks really hot in the nature girl outfits on the ads for the movie, but everything else I have seen her in makes me think “Low budget porn star” which for me is just not attractive.

    2. I saw a few minutes of a movie called The Hole last night – Keira Knightly was in it and looked pretty hot. She kindly flashed her breasts in one scene.

      1. You might be interested in a film called The Jacket.

      2. I saw a few minutes of a movie called The Hole last night – Keira Knightly was in it and looked pretty hot. She kindly flashed her breasts in one scene.

        Keira Knightly does not have breasts.

    3. We share the same birthday and the same hometown. On our last birthday, I was exactly twice her age.

      I was just checking out her wikipedia page to mock her high school (I had no clue which it was, but was gonna mock it anyway).

      Looks like she only completed middle school in Louisville, and Im not in to mocking middle schools, but if I was going to, Kammerer would be near the top of the list to mock.

    1. They’re fat and it’s your fault and all you can do is mock them? You patriarchist bastard.

      1. I could buy them some bon bons.

    2. “as a plus-size shopper”
      _
      the solution is to close ur pie-hole moar often…honey!

    3. I’m thinking if you’re wearing Torrid into your 30s you have an additional set of problems beyond just being a fat-ass.

    4. Size 14? That’s the new skinny? S’rlsy?

      1. and that’s probably vanity sized

    5. I’m going with the need for “hip khakis” as the really sad part of this story. Oh NYT Styles section, what would we ever do without you.

      1. Forever 21 is the saddest store I’ve ever gone in. Women in their 40s pawing through club clothes. It was like a real life demotivator titled DESPERATION.

      2. “Hip khakis” is an oxymoron.

  6. Jennifer Love Hewitt has big boobs.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..-show.html

    1. Sadly, it looks as if the Daily Mail is a lightweight again today: no salacious pics of any sort. Except for Madonna kissing Britney, I guess.

      1. Bask in the mediocrity that is The Daily FAIL.

        1. It would be far less Fail-y if they’d include pics of hot menz as well. I’m just saying.

          1. You don’t think this dude is hot?

            http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..rgery.html

            1. OK, look, I’m pretty damn open-minded but that photo in the delivery room is the limit for me.

            2. You know, I honestly feel really bad for transsexuals. It must be terrible to hate your own body that much. It wouldn’t be so bad if the reassignment surgery wasn’t so primitive as to essentially amount to self-mutilation, but as it is, a person who undergoes that must really loathe themselves.

              Aesthetically speaking: As for this person, if I saw him walking down the street, he wouldn’t turn my head one way or the other. 😛

  7. So I finally had to look up Snorg Tees models. Meet Krystal and Lacey:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii7yF60mlGQ

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5E-jZYzoFZ8

    1. A blessing on your house.

    2. Don’t forget Ashley

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..ure=relmfu

    3. I’m a fan of redheads, but Krystal looks dumb as a bag of hammers. I mean, looks dumb for a model.

  8. Dear Howie: Advice Letters To H. P. Lovecraft

    1. Pretty awesome.

    2. Needz moar body horror.

  9. Just because a country is at war with us doesn’t mean we have to be at war with them. Especially when they’re as observably pathetic as NK.

    1. To add to the awesome invalid message error log: I couldn’t include text in html italics tags. It said it included a word longer than 50 characters.

      1. I’m getting the 50 character message on just about everything…

        1. It appears to be triggered for me by having a link in href wrapper plus any other html code, like blockquote or italics. But some people can do that, so it is inconsistent to say the least.

          1. yeah, I take out the blockquotes and still get the message… sometimes.

          2. I’ve found that if you’re copying text that contains punctuation, especially quotes and apostrophes, you need to retype that punctuation.

            POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

            1. ah… that makes sense (if you think about it).

              1. Invalid characters. ReasonBot told you.

                Resist the machines any way you can! WOLVERINES!

            2. Antidisestablishmentarianism.

            3. I did that yesterday, and it still barfed on me. It seemed to be hitting me in regards to stuff in italic tags as SF mentioned, and href in combination with anything else. Effin’ annoying.

              1. You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I WILL FIND YOU!

                1. Just rewatched that recently.

                  What a great movie.

            4. I think it was robc that found that out a couple days ago. Apparently the problem is with ” and ‘ and you have to switch them in your post.

              1. Also, if you separate the embedded link and any other coded text into two separate posts it works. At least it’s worked every time I’ve done it.

              2. Robc probably caused the problem just so he could claim to find the fix.

                Avenge me, boys! AVENGE ME.

                1. We shall hold the line, FoE!

                  1. We shall fight on the blockquotes, we shall fight on the strikethroughs, we shall fight in the italics and in the bolds, we shall fight in the hyperlinks; we shall never surrender!

                  2. The hell with that, I’m not putting my life on the line for him. He can rot in the fields with the crows eating his eyes out.

              3. Its only if you copy and past the bogus ” and ‘. If they are the real ones that dont tilt, you are fine.

                1. You know, I was going to dispute that, but I went back over and looked at what I was going to include in italics, and sure enough, there was a tilt-y apostrophe that had escaped my reformatting wrath. Still, it’s idiotic that we have to parse and re-parse posts to get them to work.

                  1. this is a test:


                    1. You can use funky quotes if you use the proper html for them.

                      & ldquo
                      & rdquo

                      without the space, of course.

                    2. The problem (I think) is that “smart quotes” are unicode, but arent ascii. The squirrels could make a change on the web server to support unicode, but that leads to other problems.

                      Im pretty sure there is a way to enable them without enabling all of unicode, but I dont remember it off the top of my head.

                      Also, fuck smart quotes.

                    3. Yes smart quotes are a communist blight upon our interwebz. Fuck them.

            5. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
              Or close the wall up with our Resonoid dead.

    1. According to Gretchen Carlson, the fact that Glee is showing transsexuals and gays at a time when her 8 year old might be watching unsupervised is the greatest crisis we’re facing right now.

      Oh how I hate that woman.

      1. The fact that anyone might let their children watch that abortion of a TV series is enough of a crisis.

      2. the fact that Gretchen Carlson has bred little balls of perky blondness is also enough of a crisis.

        1. Getchen Carlson is the Prime Tribble?

          1. I had to google that. The answer was on something called “Iota Geminorum IV – Memory Beta, non-canon Star Trek Wiki”.

            1. Awesome, thanks. And here I thought you filtered groovy content.

              1. no no, we’re cool

      3. Children could see gays and transexuals at the circus and carnivals – and church – before TV even existed. Trying to shield them from all of societies oddities is the recent anomaly.

    2. Really? The weathervane who managed to fall in love with GWB and BHO is going to lecture us about a lack of character? Its like being lectured to on relationships by a 14 year old girl.

      1. Maybe you need to start dating age-appropriate women.

        1. u mean fat jezzies?

      2. Its like being lectured to on relationships by a 14 year old girl.

        Or by some of the people here 🙂

    3. America was way better when young men used a little Bryl Cream in their hair, respected their elders, and visited prostitutes quietly.

  10. France’s Fairy-Tale Election

    The candidates are debating everything but the real problems.

    1. The candidates are debating everything but the real problems.

      And they say the U.S. is different. Politicians are all the same.

      1. so, we’ve attained the Euro-paradise that the left seeks to attain. Nice! Time to call it a day, boys.

    1. “More Americans “than forecasted” filed applications for unemployment benefits this week — first we heard that the jobless claims fell by 2,000 but now the revised numbers show 6,000 above the initial forecast. As Ed Morrissey notes, “That number got revised this week, but the real story is in the 4-week rolling average. Just three or four weeks ago, that number was in the 360K range. Now it’s close to 375K, roughly the same level as last spring’s stagnant economic conditions.””

    2. Why would it do that?

  11. Chinese media outlets mocked India’s missile test this week, calling the missile a “dwarf” compared to China’s own arsenal.

    1. So we should be starting a troop build-up in India any day now to be ready for the Chinese invasion?

      1. OK, seriously! Why does a return character sometimes get interpreted wrong by this board?

      2. Nah, the last time they tried to invade India turned out fine. Commies of today still call it the great leap forward.

      3. The Indians have already sent more troops to the border

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/worl…..a-11818840

    2. oh, it’s always about size, isn’t it?

    3. India, the fat kid in the locker room of rocketry.

      1. Not the Norks?

        1. They are the kid who is short, but just crazy enough you don’t want to make fun of him for it.

          1. so who’s pickin the shortie for skins v shirts?

    4. when the Chinese are laughing at someone else’s size issue, that’s funny.

  12. Defense Secretary Leon Panetta claims America’s “within an inch of war almost every day” with regard to North Korea.

    One of these days, North Korea. Pow! Right in the kisser.

    1. N Korea has the largest concentration of artillery on the planet, and it’s all aimed at Seoul.

      That’s no laughing matter.

      1. You’re right sarc; however, I have a hard time sympathizing with a rice based Potemkin village that won’t feed it’s own people in good commie fashion over making rockets that don’t work.

        1. I got no sympathy for them. Just saying that they could kill tens of thousands of civilians in a matter of minutes without any warning.

          1. That’s crazy talk.

          2. The US can do that to. Well, maybe tens of millions.

      2. I am not in Seoul so I can laugh.

        If we got US troops out of South Korea they could laugh too.

        South Korea has twice the population and much more then 10 times the economy of North Korea. Its time for them to defend themselves. The US taxpayer is too deep in debt already.

        1. Another Seoulless American willing to throw South Korea to the wolves flea-ridden mutts.

          1. South Korea only spends 2.6 % of its GDP on defense.

            The US spends at least 5 percent GDP.

            So obviously the South Koreans are not that worried about North Korea or they would spend more on defense. And I see no reason why the US taxpayer should get stuck with paying for what the South Koreans refuse to pay for.

            1. of course, the SK’s aren’t worried. Why should they be? We do the heavy lifting for them. Tell you what – hand Seoul a bill for the blanket of protection the American taxpayer provides. If they refuse to pay, pull up stakes and get out of there.

              1. So sensible yet would get tabbed as more Ron Paul lunacy by Krauthammer, Bolton, Clinton, Panetta, etc etc

        2. To the moon, Pyongyang. One of these days.

      3. seoul’s gone when it hits the fan.

        the most dangerous adversary we face.

        1. So as an American I suggest that America not be part of the we.

          In other words lets get out of South Korea while we can.

          1. south korea is the backstop for japan & all our SE asian alliances. we aint going anywhere

            1. So the US taxpayer should get stuck with the bill to defend these so-called allies who refuse to even match US defense spending? And these same countries can then us that money to out compete against US business and labor. Sorry the US can no longer afford these foreign welfare queens.

              1. while i can appreciate that sediment, i also value our treaty alliances & committments.

                1. Then pack your bags, empty out your savings account and go off to South Korea and defend them. Leave me out of it.

                  1. i served TDY in korea twice for exercises thx. and ur welcome

            2. south korea is the backstop for japan & all our SE asian alliances.

              Bullshit. South Korea can defend themselves just fine. At this point, we’re not there to keep the North from invading the South; in fact, it’s just the opposite.

        2. Most dangerous adversary the Sorks face, not us.

      4. Neither is spousal abuse, but people laughed at The Honeymooners week after week.

      5. Um, so?

        Lets say they start a shooting war and train all that artillery on Seoul, destroy half the city and kill 100K civilians in the process.

        Exactly how many artillery pieces do you think would survive more than 24 hours of airstrikes and counterbattery fire when they are busy bombing the shit out of a civilian target and not defending themselves?

        Sure North Korea could destroy Seoul if they wanted, even without using Nukes but in a shooting war against South Korea even without US help they would be lucky to have their army last a month.

        What is more, their rulers probably know this which is why Panetta is so full of shit, they know invading South Korea is suicide but keep the threat of wiping Seoul off the map around to prevent the South from invading them and blackmale the US into giving them the occasional basket of goodies.

    2. Count on this administration to get the most basic facts wrong.

      We are at war with North Korea, and have been for 60 years.

      The absence of shooting now is due to a cease-fire, not peace.

      1. with 30k troops there, you dont think the pentagon knows that? jeesch

        1. Apparently, Panetta doesn’t.

          And we have more troops than that in countries who aren’t even technically at war with anyone (Germany and Japan).

          1. USAEUR, afghanistan, & iraq are being reduced while our troops in korea are not. again, everyones’ aware a ceasefire’s not a peace treaty…except maybe in minds of sum radioheads

        2. The Pentagon is most aware (probably). This administration? Not so much.

          1. oh jeesch. really? sell that to the maroons

      2. The US never actually declared war. The UN had a resolution that countries should support the 38 parallel border. So all the US has to do is say that they like most countries of the world are no longer going to actively support the UN resolution and pull its troops out.

  13. My god! Face mauled off? By a monkey! Where’s Pro Lib to defend his monkey postings!?!?

    1. There are a million monkey stories in primate city. Some of them less pleasant and not all involving your bizarre monkey-shower lust.

      1. My lusts are not at issue here! The issue is monkeys tearing people’s faces off! Think of the taxpayers man! I thought you were a libertarian!

        1. Relax, man, I’m not calling for the banning of monkey showering.

          1. Red herring! Monkeys! Faces ripped off! Taxpayers on the hook! Liable!

            1. Did the state let her own the chimp in violation of state law? Is that what’s at issue? If so, I’ve got no problem with them getting sued. They want to assert total control of everything, let them also be held accountable.

              1. This whole ripping off faces and letting us, the taxpayers, pay for the mess just seems messed up, Pro Lib. Being advanced beings, they should have some sort of slush fund from which to reimburse people with ripped off appendages and such. Just seems as if our noble monkey brethren are dodging liability.

                1. Well, I suppose other chimps could work off the debt as chimp slaves.

                  1. I already have chimp slaves. They are called interns.

                2. “Just seems as if our noble monkey brethren are dodging liability”

                  They’re as bad as the fucking South Koreans.

              2. Who is this ‘them’ that will be held (fiscally) accountable?

                1. A logical first step would be to target the monkey at fault for devouring the woman’s face.

            2. look, chimps have a choice. If they want to be treated like us, they have to stop flinging their poo and pay for the people they maim. If they want their fun with faeces and faces, fine, but can’t whine when we stick ’em in a cage and pump them full of experimental drugs.

              1. but can’t whine when we stick ’em in a cage and pump them full of experimental drugs.

                It’s the vivisection to which the chimpsters object.

                1. It was rumored that Bubbles ordered the hit on MJ. That’s why Bubble got the vivisection. That’s how things work man.

      1. The monkey suit (har har) is not as ridiculous as it may seem:

        He [plaintiff’s lawyer] said the state Department of Energy and Environmental Protection ignored its own regulations regarding private ownership of potentially dangerous animals.

        1. It’s a horrible tragedy, and (legal issues aside), unqualified people have no business living in sin with chimps. They’re extremely dangerous in potential, no matter how cute and cuddly they are in repose.

          1. It’s all fun and games until someone’s face gets ripped off.

        2. She knew the chimp was there when she went to visit, right?

          1. Yes, she was friends with the owner and had visited several times in the past with no problem. The chimp just went berserk for some reason (the 911 call is available on the net). I think the point of the suit is that the state has presumed to regulate the ownership of dangerous animals, but it fell down on the job.

            1. I think the point is that she could easily have not put herself in that dangerous situation but fell down on the job and she now wants others to pay her for that.

              1. Brutal but correct.

              2. If the state is going to collect taxes to fund a bureaucracy that is supposed to protect people from certain dangers, I don’t think it’s anti-libertarian to expect the state to pay for harm that the same bureaucracy negligently failed to prevent.

                1. I don’t know whether it’s anti-libertarian or not, but the entity responsible for not preventing what happened to her, was her. Don’t rely on the state to protect you from chimps, or tigers, or vicious dogs, or known sociopaths. Use your brain and stay the fuck away.

            2. That case was terrible. The poor lady. She may be able to volunteer for face transplantation, but I’m not sure if she would be a likely candidate. That little beast really did it’s awful work well.

              1. She did get a face transplant. I think she’s hoping for a do-over on eye transplant(s) as well, which didn’t take the first time.

                I grew up pretty near where this happened and was sooo freaked out when the attack hit the news. Really sad story but, as Pro Lib says, you just cannot trust these wild animals. And people think you can, especially when they seem so much like you.

                1. The only thing more completely batshit crazy than a chimpanzee is a person that thinks chimpanzees make good pets.

                    1. Monkey Shakespeare?

              2. That little beast really did it’s awful work well.

                Not that little. The chimp, “Travis,” weighed over 200 pounds. And in addition to being big and batshit crazy, chimps are also very strong. I’ve read that an adult male chimp is up to 5 times as strong as a fully gorwn man. I imagine a woman being attacked by one would be unable to offer any resistance at all.

                1. I’ve read that an adult male chimp is up to 5 times as strong as a fully gorwn (sice) man.

                  True. Even smaller chimps can rip the arm off a man of average to above average size. “Little” in this case was pejorative, not indicative of size.

                  1. People like to marvel at how similar chimps and people are, how humanlike they can be in their intelligence, mannerisms, social order, etc. I’ve even read that people and chimps can share blood, if need be. But by any human standard of psychology, these animals would be considered dangerously antisocial. Not to mention that an animal as intelligent as a chimp is going to be smart enough to object to being held in captivity. I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would want one as a pet.

                  2. I’ve read that an adult male chimp is up to 5 times as strong as a fully gorwn (sice) man.

                    Hello joe’z

                    1. Fuck!

                  3. So chimps are wookies?

    2. I remember an episode of Ren & Stimpy in which the pair visited some 3rd-world country on vacation. In this fictional country, one of the highest honors a visitor could be bestowed was to have his face ripped off by an ape. And wouldn’t you know it, that’s exactly what happened to Ren at the end. Stimpy and the natives who witnessed the event were awestruck, and Ren himself was clearly deeply honoroed – humbled, even. I have no idea why this silly woman can’t follow Ren’s example and show a little gratitude.

    3. Should I link to J. Geils Band’s “Monkey Island” or something off “Blow Your Face Out”?

  14. I take guilty pleasure in seeing Obama prosecute Cindy Sheehan.

    Used as a campaign prop, discarded when no longer useful and now headed to prison for being a minor embarrassment.

    I’m expecting outrage from the left over her treatment any decade now.

    1. I was just thinking that its sad that I see her as the sane one in this fight.

      1. I don’t know if she’s as principled on other topics of immoral government projects, but she’s right on this topic.

        Watch as other liberals try to tear her down for not doing her “civic duty” or for “taking the law into her own hands.”

        As peaceful protest, this is basically what Gandhi and MLK were doing.

        1. IF nothing else, Sheehan has been consistent. I can respect that.

      2. still, the story is a footnote that is barely chronicled anywhere. Last administration, Sheehan was a modern-day Mother Theresa. She is consistent; the rest of the anti-war crowd and its usual shills are certainly not.

        1. Yeah, I have nothing but boundless sympathy for the poor woman. She got chewed up by a the political machine and spat out when it was inconvenient. I think she was wrong about a lot of things, but she certainly is more consistent and principled than the people who used her then and the ones who are prosecuting her now.

    2. Don’t pay your protection money taxes? Any mobster government is going to come down on you for that. Especially if you are out in the open about it. The other marks citizens might get ideas.

    1. Very incisive of them – them…and the scores of millions of people who were daily saying the same things two years ago when this abortion was going down.

      1. But…but…FREE HEALTHCARE!

        1. Don’t forget the other one–“NO ONE WILL EVER BE TURNED DOWN AGAIN FOR PREXISTING CONDITIONS! THE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE!”

          1. Shit, that one galls me to no end…

    2. Convenient, in an election year.

  15. New photo shows Zimmerman with cuts on his head.

    1. I’m sure it’s been doctored somehow.

      1. I’m sure it’s been doctored somehow.

        This story has been a bone of contention around here, and for the life of me, I can’t remember who’s taken what side. I guess what I’m saying is, I’m not sure how to interpret your comment 😉

        1. Punnily, Karl, punnily.

      2. Well, that certainly cuts against the poor-little-Trayvon narrative.

        1. zimmerman can never be allowed into general pop or he’ll be a trophy kill…unless he joins the AB to survive…which requires blood in & out.

          1. You do like you some MSNBC, huh?

          2. He can’t join the AB–he’s hispanic.

            1. If only there were some hispanic gangs in Florida prisons.

        2. Well, that certainly cuts against the poor-little-Trayvon narrative.

          You think that might be the nail in the prosecution’s case?

        3. Not necessarily. I mean, if Trayvon felt threatened by Zimmerman it’s possible that he could have injured him in self-defense.

          Of course, the cuts do fit in with the story Zimmerman gave cops, but that doesn’t mean that it proves he is innocent- although it might be enough to convince the jury of reasonable doubt as to his guilt.

          1. Curious how all the evidence that keeps being “leaked” by the police support their decision to let Zimmerman walk after a cursory examination and interrogation.

            CYA is SOP, I guess.

            1. Er, OR “curious” how the evidence that gets leaked consistently cuts against the narrative the media has taken since day one.

              1. Our observations are not mutually exclusive.

            2. Of course, that same evidence also helps the defense. They’re prone to leaking, too, especially before the jury has been selected.

              All a sordid mess.

    2. Blood doesn’t flow in rivulets like that on a shaven head and GRAVITY! Totally fauxtoshopped.

      1. Back, and to the left . . . back, and to the left.

        1. Oswald again, huh? Is his work never done?

          1. Oswald again, huh? Is his work never done?

            Yep, Zimmerman’s a patsy. I have proof, and I’m about to blow this whole thing wide open. Names will be named and powerful people will–

            Shit, hang on, someone’s at the door . . .

      2. I disagree

  16. “Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan is set to appear in court today to defend her decision not to pay federal income taxes. “I refuse to fund the empire’s crimes and wars,” Sheehan said. “I feel a certain amount of guilt that my taxes were used to murder my own son.””

    I think prison would do her some good.

    1. Im hoping she wins. Then we can all chant “stare decisis” as we refuse to pay our taxes.

      1. She will never be allowed to win because of this. No federal judge will allow a decision that might affect his own paycheck.

      2. She will never be allowed to win because of this. No federal judge will allow a decision that might affect his own paycheck.

  17. I have a new 51k novella out. Currently free on Amazon.

    Also – a Tangerine Dream type track using my new Mopho analog synth.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?f…..dea4DEF6r8

    1. Does the detective wear a leather jacket and quote from Ayn Rand while smoking using a long cigarette holder?

      1. nah, he’s a loner with a ’72 Malibu and a bitchy wife.

    2. Sounds like fun. I’ll check it out.

    3. Apparently, people who bought your books also bought stuff by Hayek, Sowell, and Schiff. I look forward to reading your riveting tales of epistemological problems with non-market economies.

    4. What does 51k mean in this context?

      1. words. as in not quite a short story and not quite a full-length novel.

          1. Fuck, talk about short term memory problems.

            1. It’s dementia.

              1. I got no problems with my teeth.

      2. “51k” is Warhammer 40k post-apocalyptic fanfic. Talk about dark.

    5. I have sent it to my iPhone. Thanks for the heads up!

    6. The track . . . burned out buildings, rotting corpses, machines in their death throes. . . cool

    7. Also – a Tangerine Dream type track using my new Mopho analog synth.

      Yes, but does it make you want to throw your arms in the air, and wave them like you just don’t care?

  18. WEED WARS !

    Come the first of May, southern towns in the Netherlands are going to defy the national government in The Hague. Local councils in Limburg, North Brabant and Zeeland have said they will ignore a law which will take effect on that date barring foreigners from buying soft drugs. Mayors from cities elsewhere in the country, including Amsterdam, have expressed their support.

    The idea for the law originated in Maastricht a few years ago. The city was tired of the disturbance from the estimated 1.5 million foreigners per year coming in just to buy soft drugs at the 19 coffee shops. Banning the sale of soft drugs was not an option. So it was decided to limit the sale to residents of the Netherlands, and eliminate drug tourism. Residents of Maastricht would benefit, and more importantly, the Netherlands would hereby address a long-standing complaint from its European neighbors who were tired of seeing their own drug policies undermined by easy access to Dutch drugs.

    http://www.rnw.nl/english/arti…..lash-cards

  19. What’s amazing is that a lot of liberals (and conservatives) will probably think Sheehan’s loss has finally cost her her sanity, whereas we can make a strong case that this is the most effective anti-war decision she has ever made.

  20. Chinese media outlets mocked India’s missile test this week, calling the missile a “dwarf” compared to China’s own arsenal.

    This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.

  21. so, er, anyone seen John lately? Has sarcasmic finally shamed him away?

    1. or MNG. Mutually Assured Destruction or shacking up in a motel outside Tijuana?

      1. Pro’L Dib has postulated that the duo are two of the SS agents caught up in the sexual shenanigans on Columbia, and are quite possibly pustulated.

      2. I think now that watching those two argue was like watching Gollum talk to Smeagol.

        1. That’s what I thought too.

        2. I see what you did.

        3. I was thinking more Tyler Durden and the Narrator in Fight Club.

        4. Gollum was a neocon?

    2. My working theory is that he’s this guy.

      1. I’ll run with that theory.

    3. He went into a lingerie store for “plus sized women” and hasn’t been seen since.

      1. were we ever sure he wasn’t just a chubby drag king who protested too much? My working theory is he’s this woman

  22. Antidisestablishmentarianism is not spam!

    1. I am getting the 50 word comment every other post now!

      1. That’s what you get for stealing your comments from other blogs.

        1. What? My vapid commentary is my own! Wait…

      2. And we thought 900-words (or was it characters?) was too constraining.

        Learn to be pity. Should re-title the blog Pith ‘n’ Run

        1. Fuck.

  23. I have a request for the reason staff. If we’re going to continue to have problems with no hints on how to fix them, could an open thread be put up for testing purposes so we don’t have to gum up regular threads with test posts?

  24. Two of the secret service agents involved with prostitutes in Columbia have been identified

    Are you trying to kill me? Seriously, are you?

    1. Actually, it’s going to turn out that they were from the District of Columbia, not Colombia, flown down to service the Service. Secretly.

      1. For an allegedly secret service,…

        1. …that thought they were being serviced secretly…

          1. secretion service

      2. I heard tell years ago that the demand for whores in DC was so great they had to bus them in from elsewhere.

        1. The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round.

          1. The whores on the bus
            Go up and down,
            Up and down,
            Up and down.

            The whores on the bus
            Go up and down,
            Up and down,
            Up and down.
            All through the town.

            No wonder they like mass transit in DC so much!

        2. Yes, they are called interns.

      3. You know, sometimes I really wonder why I even bother …

        1. It’s the OCD. On what point do you fall WRT the Autism Spectrum?

          1. Dunno. Is there a free on-line test for that?

            1. Here’s an online test for Aspberger’s Syndrome. I make absolutely no endorsments for the veracity of the test, not familiar with it, and caveat emptor.

              1. Is it the comment form for slashdot.org? That’s my diagnostic tool.

              2. “Do you become frustrated if an activity that is important to you gets interrupted? “

                Does anyone answer no to this question?

              3. “Do you become frustrated if an activity that is important to you gets interrupted? “

                Does anyone answer no to this question?

              4. “Do you become frustrated if an activity that is important to you gets interrupted? “

                Does anyone answer no to this question?

                1. Fuck you squirrels. Also, this test is a fucking goldmine.

                  1. “Do you yell at imaginary squirrels when something frustrates you?”

              5. I got a 116 of 200 on the aspie scale. Does that mean I’m a tard?

              6. Thanks for the link. I came out normal/average across the board.

    2. Perhaps standards falling since AM Lynx were Riggsian merits a drink.

  25. Dude is making a whole lot of sense man, WOw.

    http://www.Anon-Data.tk

    1. And THAT’s not invalid? Lucy you some ‘splainin to do.

      1. Lucy has gone to bat for Anon-bot. Hush!

        1. Maybe the solution to the invalid comment woes is to include the link that Rangomooo/TiggyFoo/Anon-bot uses in every post you make. There can be no downside!

          It makes sense when you think about it, LOL

          Anon-Info.tk

        2. Leave the Anon-bot alone. The Anon-bot wears a size 14.

  26. Hipster chick with organic peanut butter and artisanal pickles in her pantry rejected for food stamps.

    (and to whoever posted a link to diehipster a few weeks back – THANK YOU!)

    1. “Cruelty-free water” – nyuk, nyuk

    2. I make my own pickles and I don’t get food stamps. I am disappoint, Brooklyn.

      1. Dare I ask, O Saccharine One?

        1. Someone called him a pickle smuggler then one thing lead to another.

        2. I’m extremely domestic in between bouts of porn-driven ragegasms.

          1. I’m impressed with your multi-tasking fluency. Is it the furry porn? You do know I called you out on your Ursism on the previous thread.

          2. Coming soon, “Knit your own DVDA and 99 other craft activities for the family”

      2. I make my own pickles, too. Wink, wink.

    3. Why did I read this as “…organic peanut butter and artisinal pickles in her pussy…”

      She should know you get more dog tongue with peanut butter than pickles.

      1. and one time, at band camp…..

    4. They should make a zombie movie about these people. I would watch that.

  27. Every lesbian’s dream husband strikes again:

    Thinking of the fulsome adultness of President Obama (and the allusions to puerility on the part of his two predecessors), one wonders too if being a Peter Pan president is something only rich white guys can afford.

    Fulsome adultness?

    1. I’m surprised you were able to post something that couldn’t be recognized as English.

    2. Isn’t Obama rich and half-white? Disingenuous!

    3. puerility

      This does not mean what the woogathering lesbian thinks it means.

    4. Apparently hipsters also don’t know what “fulsome” means.

      1. It’s a prison.

  28. The disease affecting 99% of H&R commentators.

    In news of the truly weird, there is a “disease” that causes people to make puns, compulsively joke, and engage in “wacky” behavior. And you don’t want it for more than just social reasons.

    1. Awesomeness is not a disease.

      1. So many ways to go with this one…

    2. Witzelsucht is a mental disorder that causes the sufferer to compulsively make inappropriate jokes or puns ? all the time.

      By George…

      1. Witzelsucht

        Which, right there, is an inappropriate joke or pun.

    3. Oh that’s crazy talk Sparky!

      … developed both witzelsucht and hypersexuality. Of course, the inappropriate joking resulted in him driving off all the women around him.

      Oh. Er…

      1. Ah, this explains where I went wrong, spunky one.

      2. I’ve been there. It’s a long, hard road back from plumbing those depths.

    4. Doctors can try behavioral therapy, like constantly and patiently explaining that puns aren’t funny. Ever.

      To which I say, Fuck You Esther.

    5. How do you people tolerate i09, anyway? Is it to get rageboners? You might as well go to PZ Meyers in that case.

  29. I’m happy Sheehan is taking a principled stand on this, but I’ll bet she’s one of those liberals who, prior to her son’s death and her subsequent decision to starve the beast, would have considered it her duty to pay taxes because democracy/social contract/whatever.

    I wonder what other justifications she thinks are legitimate for refusing to pay taxes?

  30. We should thoroughly inspect every utterance ever made by Cindy Sheehan, making sure that they line up with plumb-line libertarianism in all aspects. Her purity of thought and deed must be rigorously vetted. No doubt liberals have complimented her, which is a terrible crime and prime evidence of her impurity.

    In this way, we don’t have to admire her consistent, principled, sacrificial stand against monstrous evil.

    1. I think you are being sarcastic.

      However I have no idea what your real point is. The snark to noise ratio is just too high.

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