A.M. Links: Veterans' Suicide Rates Alarming, Americans Renouncing Citizenship, Tupac May Go On Tour


  • better days

    Veterans account for up to one fifth of all suicides in America.

  • Americans seem to be renouncing their citizenship at record rates.
  • George Soros warns the euro crisis is deepening and could end up destroying the European Union
  • Twenty five years after getting lost as a child, an Indian man in Australia finds his birth mother using Google Earth.
  • The University of Colorado in Boulder, which saw up to 10,000 people swarm its campus for last year's April 20th festivities could use fish fertilizer to keep the pot smokers away this year.
  • The ghost hologram of Tupac Shakur may go on tour after debuting at the music festival in Coachella.

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    1. Surge in Obesity Sparks Crematorium Blazes

      Unable to bring the fire under control, the employee called the fire department. Firemen determined that the smoking chimney was glowing at 600 degrees Celsius (1,100 degrees Fahrenheit). They cooled it from the side and used an infrared camera to track the spread of heat through the building. It took four hours to reduce the body in the furnace to ash.

      If I ever become morbidly obese, I hope I’m able to go out in style like this guy did.

      1. If only someone had told that guy to “Burn in hell!” at some point in his life, this story would be complete.

      2. Won’t this help crematoriums to save on fuel? They just have to get the wick effect going and the whole thing will take care of itself!

        1. Know who else put bodies in incinerators?

          1. Black holes?

            1. Blofeld in “Diamonds are Forever”?

          2. I blame IFH, bodies spontaneously combust when IFH walks past.

      3. Those fatties could be a source of biodiesel.

        1. “A man’s flesh is his own; the water oil belongs to the tribe.”

    2. Two words: Fight Club.

    3. Can we all agree that the word “cremains” should be purged from the English language with a cleansing 1,100 degree fire?

    4. That’s odd. By now I thought Germany would be the leading experts on crematoriums.

      1. Das Zing!

      2. no heller, that would be the netherlands where old folks who go to the hospital are politely escorted to the incinerators…santorium & all.

    5. Not that I’m morbidly obese, but I’m thinking I want the liquefication treatment anyway.

      1. I totally want to be smoothie-ized.

    6. Another example of wasting valuable energy not turning crematoria into electric plants.

      1. Clearly we need renewable-dead-guy-energy tax credits.

  1. all of my comments with links are invalid?

    1. I turn the links into bit.ly.

      1. As someone at work, I prefer to see where a link leads.

        1. Sometimes it hints at the destination Web site, sometimes it doesn’t.

    2. Why don’t you just use tinyurl?

  2. Grover G. Norquist: Trickle-Down Taxation
    Americans know that politicians are getting elected by promising to tax only the rich and then going after the middle class.

    1. mars to grover…we cant exclusively cut our way outta the deficit…as reagan & bush 1 knew.

      1. Could we at least start a few cuts, you know, just to test it out?

      2. we cant exclusively cut our way outta the deficit

        Federal Spending
        1980: $590 billion
        1984: $851 billion
        1988: $1.06 trillion
        1992: $1.3 trillion

        I’m not seeing any cuts there. A whole lot of spending increases, though.

        1. but imagine what it woulda been w/o the 10 year spending cuts!

          1. are you imagining yet?

  3. …could use fish fertilizer to keep the pot smokers away this year.

    Phish fertilizer brings them back.

    1. Yuck, fish fertilizer, BO, pot smoke, and patchouli – a sizable portion of Colorado might become uninhabitable.

    2. So… is this fertilizer made from fishbones a la Squanto, is it fertilizer made from fish dung, or is it something you put on fish to make them grow bigger?

      1. Whatever it is, apparently faculty and paying students are immune to its ill effects.

        1. “Yes, yes, I remember now. I had the lasagne.”

  4. If Soros doesn’t make a few billion on the destruction of the Euro I’ll be disappointed.

    1. When it goes from “weak” to free fall, you’ll know. Soros has jumped in and is shorting the currency while manipulating things in the background.

  5. A year ago, in Action Comics, Superman declared plans to renounce his U.S. citizenship.

    “‘Truth, justice, and the American way’ – it’s not enough anymore,” the comic book superhero said, after both the Iranian and American governments criticized him for joining a peaceful anti-government protest in Tehran.

    Classic mistake. Even in a representative republic, a government is not a country.

    1. What he should have done is bring down the federal government. Why bitch about it if you literally have the power to fuck up some tyrants?

      1. Because nerds are stupid enough to believe that real life is just like their comic books and the movies.

    2. “I grew up in a military family where patriotic feeling was very strong” Eysselinck says. “I’m amazed at how terrible I felt renouncing. But it was the only way to get them off my back. It’s very distressing and time consuming to keep up with all the paperwork. But if it’s this bad when I’m 64, how bad will it be when I’m 74?”

      Poor Genette Eysselinck. Oaths, promises, and contracts entered into under duress are not valid. She’s still an American citizen, and still accountable to the U.S. government under the U.S. doctrine of universal jurisdiction.

  6. Fuck this piece of shit:

    Obama Tells Univision Romney Supports Racial Profiling

    “We now have a Republican nominee who said that the Arizona laws are a model for the country, that — and these are laws that potentially would allow someone to be stopped and picked up and asked where their citizenship papers are based on an assumption,” President Obama said in an interview with Univision that aired over the weekend.

    “Racial profiling?” Univision reporter Enrique Acevedo asked.

    “Very troublesome. And this is something that the Republican nominee has said should be a model for the country,” Obama said.

    1. Pot, meet kettle.

      1. Racist

        1. What if it’s a terracotta pot and a pyrex kettle, still racist?

          1. Oh, yes. CODED racist.

          2. Oooo – clay on glass! I’m in.

    2. Hey, hey, BHO, how many did you ship to Mexico?

      1. Best laugh today. Thanks.

    3. even worse, the Uni “reporter” lets him get away with grossly mischaracterizing the law. No law says the cops can stop someone for looking Latino…good grief, in AZ that mean half the state. And seeing as how half the police force is itself Hispanic, the idiocy of Obama’s comments should be self-evident. Then again, this was not an interview; it was a campaign ad to scare the stupid.

      1. Yup, and I’m sure by now the word has swarmed the Latino underclass community that Romney wants every brown person stopped to have papers checked. Why Obama would even try to be coy is beyond me. Outrage at such things is usually only among a very small subset of our nation that is well-versed in current events, and that subset does NOT affect election outcomes.

    4. this is something that the Republican nominee

      Did I somehoe miss the national convention? Romneybot hasn’t been nominated yet, asshole.

  7. Another attack on poor Ann.

    Priorities USA co-founder Bill Burton previously has dismissed concerns about Maher’s comments — particularly when his criticism of Sarah Palin came up amid the backlash last month over Rush Limbaugh’s degrading comments about a college student who testified on contraception coverage. Maher said in an interview at the time that it’s “crazy” to suggest any “equivalence” between comments by a comedian like Maher and comments by Limbaugh.

    He’s a comedian, you totally can’t take him seriously. Especially not as seriously as a radio entertainer.

    Whatever you think of Ann Romney and whether or not she deserves to be attacked, doesn’t it seem stupid to attack a woman when you’re trying to show how your opponents are engaging in a War on Women?

    1. If you’re promoting a meme so stupid, your target audience isn’t going to have a lot of critical thinking skills, so there’s no need to practice consistency.

      1. You mean the “I’m just a comedian” meme?

        I keed, I keed. I supposed you’re probably right, the supposed WoW is really just playing to the existing Dem base.

        1. right, “I am just a comedian” when something stupid is said, but ole Bill wants to be taken seriously when he invites politicos on his show. Then again, liberalism would not have a chance without the stupid.

    1. That heartless agent didn’t even hug the poor woman afterwards! I am the 98%!

    2. This needs to keep happening. If everyone takes the pat down, chooses to have it out in the open, and makes this kind of scene, there is a slightly larger chance that things might change. That being said, there’s no way I’m holding my breath on that.

      1. I give that about the same 2% chance.

    3. Why can’t it be both?

    4. I’m 98% aroused.

    5. looks like its been way too long since someone else’s hands touched the mom jeans

  8. Veterans account for up to one fifth of all suicides in America.

    The way we treat our military and veterans is probably the biggest ongoing disgrace in this country.

    In many ways, little has changed since Vietnam. Sure, we cheer for them at ballgames and nobody except a tiny handful of deranged people will publicly ridicule them, but the bottom line is we still treat them like crap. We cavalierly send them off to lose lives and limbs in lost causes on behalf of ungrateful barbarians, then when they’re no longer useful as good little drones, we throw them on the trash heap of society.

    It pains me to say it, but I would do everything I could to actively discourage my kids from enlisting in the military on behalf of this insane government of ours.

    1. I guess we can’t post links fro Real Politics.

        1. …and this is why we can’t have nice things

    2. As fate would have it, right this second I’m having to work an issue of getting treatment for a retired Soldier who told his family he was thinking about killing himself. Compared to how mental health issues were treated when I enlisted in 1995, or even how they were handled at the start of Afghanistan, it’s night and day.

      And yet it still happens. Sometimes I actually wonder if there really is anything that can be done to prevent it. It could just be that serious mental health issues are an unaviodable part of military service for some portion of the service’s population.

      1. it happens because things have not changed nearly as much as you think. Sure, the military talks a big game about the value of counseling and such, but good luck continuing your career in a meaningful way if mental health enters your jacket.

        If you extrapolate the numbers, it may in fact be true that such figures for the military are on the same percentage as the total population. But the total population does not fear the end of its career for talking to a psychologist.

    3. My girlfriend recently asked me if I’d encourage any kids we had to join the military. I told that no, I wouldn’t go out of my way to present the military as a desirable career path.

    4. We cavalierly send them off to lose lives and limbs in lost causes on behalf of ungrateful barbarians

      When you fire missiles into desperately poor villages and smear the guts of children on a hillside, you don’t get to call anyone a barbarian.

      1. And what about the overwhelming majority in the forces who don’t do that?

        Or are you one of these guys who has been brainwashed by the scum in Hollywood and the media to believe that all of our troops act this way?

    5. I consider soldiers and veterans to be enablers of big government. This attitude was also held by my father, a USAF veteran. When he realized this, he got out of the air force at his earliest convenience.

      A well-regulated militia and a standing army are not the same thing.

      1. A well-regulated militia and a standing army are not the same thing.

        At least until Napoleon Obama gets his “Civilian Defense Force” online.

  9. The event has turned into a black red eye for the school


    1. Still racist.

      1. Are there any colors that aren’t racist anymore?

        Teal maybe?

        1. Probably any of the 1000 colors that only women know the names of.

          1. Colorist!

            1. That’s colourist, for the avant garde.

              1. Angloist!

              2. Nationalist!

                1. ISTIST!!!!!11!

        2. Here we go again: “Black” is not a color; it is the *absence* of color. I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the Supreme Court’s Obamacare ruling.

          1. You mean those nine people in the absence-of-colored robes?

            1. You said “colored”. Not cool.

              1. Oh no, now I’M racist!!!!


            2. nice!

  10. Buffett rule doesn’t quite make it.

    At the White House, Obama denounced the vote, saying Republicans chose “once again to protect tax breaks for the wealthiest few Americans at the expense of the middle class.” In a statement issued after the vote, he said he would keep pressing Congress to help the middle class.

    “It’s just plain wrong that millions of middle-class Americans pay a higher share of their income in taxes than some millionaires and billionaires,” he said.

    1. middle-class Americans pay a higher share of their income in taxes than some millionaires and billionaires,

      The mental gymnastics required to believe this statement deserve a medal.

      1. The statement is true, it just doesn’t mean very much. It’s true that some millionaires and billionaires do hate taxes enough to decrease their tax rate on gross income by giving a ton away to charity. Others prefer getting a lower return on municipal bonds rather than getting a higher return on taxable bonds and paying taxes.

        In Obama’s defense (defense of his consistency), he has pushed to limit charitable deductions. I don’t think he’s moved to eliminate the deductibility of municipal bonds, though.

        1. In Obama’s defense (defense of his consistency), he has pushed to limit charitable deductions. I don’t think he’s moved to eliminate the deductibility of municipal bonds, though.

          Of course not, buying muni’s benefits local governments. Private charities, not so much.

          It’s the attitude of: “All your monies belong to us, plebes!”

        2. The statement is in no way true.

          The median income in the US is 45k. Anything less than about 50k and you have from zero to negative tax liability.

          Of course, I suppose that like I said, you could perform additional mental gymnastics to say that “middle class” earns 80-100k/yr.

          1. “Anything less than about 50k and you have from zero to negative tax liability.”

            What planet are you from? I made 40k as a single man last year and paid almost 6 grand between federal and state taxes.

        3. I think it depends on if you mean gross income, or adjusted income. If you’re paying 30% taxes, but gave 20% to charity, you’re only effectively paying (80% x 30% =) 24% taxes on your original gross income, for example. And giving to charity just proves you’re an evil, bemonocled, top hat-wearing robber baron, or something.

          1. Well, Obama and the media are going around complaining about taxes on gross income, especially in Romney’s case because Mormon charity doesn’t count.

        4. In Obama’s defense (defense of his consistency), he has pushed to limit charitable deductions.

          In what kind of twisted mind is LIMITING charitable deductions defensible?

          Holy fuck, charitable contributions should be 100% deductible. I’ll admit some charities aren’t so charitable, especially if they’re lobbying governments, but government is the opposite of benevolence.

      2. that statement tells the truth of who Obama really is. If you make two million and pay, say 30%, that is a big chunk of cash but you are still left with an even bigger chunk. Apply that same to 75K and the bite seems bigger, even though in percentage terms, it is not. This fucker just seeks to push for a society in which success is punished, and the disingenuousness is in the implication that if rich folks pay more, that money will somehow accrue to those earning less.

    2. It isn’t actually, true, but it is emotionally true. Its how the left feels about the wealthy, not the actual facts.

  11. Open Question:

    Senate passed, and House discussing bill with a nasty amendment: Having a sizeable tax levy/lien can result in not being able to get a passport or getting current one revoked. If this goes through the whole process and becomes law, anybody know about when the IRS would hook up with immigration services and start enforcement?

    1. And also, will they seize Buffett’s passport?

    2. new business opportunity: Smuggling people into Canada.

      1. Have you ever been to any of our northern border states?

        It’s not exactly hard to get into canadia.

        1. No kidding, I was visiting a friend in Vermont one time and ended up in Canada by accident. I just went to the far end of the road his house was on.

          1. I crossed into Canada by accident while fishing on Lake Memphremagog.

        2. oh, I know – being a Michigander. There are plenty of ways of crossing without being seen. Then from there, you can take a plane anywhere.

        3. You just wait until the northern drone patrol gets into operation.

      2. Wait until the Great Lakes freeze and drive across them like your bootlegger ancestors.

        1. See, this is why, if the Feds were smart, they’d be promoting global warming.

  12. Americans seem to be renouncing their citizenship at record rates.

    I blame Bush

    1. Obviously. It’s the delayed effect.

      1. It’s as if time stood still, and it’s 2008…

    2. I’d renounce once I got another citizenship except the fucking USA bars those who do from re-entering.

      1. No – you just have to get a passport, and possibly a visa, and apply as a citizen of whatever country would.

        1. Where do they have low taxes and gun rights?

          1. Somalia?

          2. Unfortunately, if gun rights are very important to you, TMK the US is the only country that protects them to a significant degree.

            Switzerland may be an exception, and they have relatively low tax rates.

            1. Correction – the Swiss have low corporate rates. Here’s a comparison of countries, but I can’t vouch for the accuracy.

        2. That might be what I get for listening to a lawyer.

        1. Yeah, the shyster was basing everything he said on the Reed amendment because I told him I wouldn’t want to deal with the IRS after I left.

          1. 4 words:

            St Kitts and Nevis.

            250k buys you SK&N citizenship. Then you can renounce whenever you see fit after that. Try out your dual citizenship for a while first, if you like.

            (Yes, Dominica is cheaper, but it is Dominica)

    3. After Clinton corrected the excesses of Reagan, along came W. to throw us back in the 19th century all over again.

  13. A holographic image of deceased rapper Tupac Shakur performed at the 2012 Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival on April 15 in Indio, Calif.

    “Help me, Snoop Dogg. You’re my only hope.”

    1. Q: What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?

      A: Dr. Dre.

      1. That made me lol

      2. I lol’ed.

      3. Careful, they might replace Bok with you.

  14. Introducing… SugarToons, classy editorial cartoons for this classy crowd.

    2012 April 17

    1. Labels, labels… Are you Chip Bok in disguise?

    2. Is that one of those erotic cakes that Hillary is eating there?

    3. Wait, what’s the biting represent? I need more labels.

    4. That is the only political cartoon I have ever laughed at. I hereby nominate you for the inaugural Tuesday Funnies.

    5. So that corpse is shitting on Obamacare healthcare, and the Rightards are trying to resuscitate it with mouth to mouth, but it has no head, so that’s impossible….

      I don’t get it.

    6. Now that deserves a Pulitzer.

    7. Wat? No. It should have said “Tea Party” on the baby. Would have made more sense with the original painting.

    8. Poignant, fully illustrating the anti-life views of conservatives, and visually stunning.

      I suggest a Nobel Peace Prize, knighthood, and a Pulitzer for the artist! Not Goya, the real artist who labeled everything. Brilliant!

    9. Understated. Without being gaudy…

    10. A correctly labelled masterpiece.

  15. Little boy lost finds his mother using Google Earth

    First read that headline as suing Google Earth. “Why weren’t you on my smart phone 25 years ago?”

  16. The article on veterans’ suicides has a really bad example of statistical sleight of hand:

    The report concludes that while only 1 percent of Americans serve in the military, the suicide rate of veterans accounts for a fifth of the overall total in the US.

    This horribly confuses “the percentage of people serving the military right now” with “the percentage of suicides among veterans.”

    The number of veterans is 21.9 million in 2009. That’s closer to 6% of the US.

    They don’t link the original study, so I don’t know if they only look at suicides for veterans who have recently served, though then you have to control and look at what percentage of that age bracket at veterans.

    The 20% versus 6% is still worrying, though one has to wonder about the sex effects. Suicide is far more common among men, and veterans are far more likely to be men. (vide supra) Is that the causal link or is that cross-correlation?

    1. So, we’ve established that you hate Our War Heroes?…

    2. The article made little sense to me either. Is anyone who ever served in any branch of the military (including the Coast Guard) considered a Veteran? Or just those who actually served in a combat zone? Are Korea, Vietnam, and Desert Storm Vets killing themselves?

      1. Anyone who has served on active duty, regardless if it was during wartime or in a combat zone.

        Guardsmen and reservists aren’t considered veterans unless they’ve been on active duty other than active duty for training, i.e. mobilized vs. initial training/annual training duty.

  17. For anyone with kids out there, this is the most absurdly hysterical cartoon on right now.

    The Fairly OddParents

    I usually watch it with my kids and always end up laughing my ass off.

    1. OMG, I HATE this show! It’s like visual crack.

    2. I never liked Fairly Oddparents too much, too frenetic and loud/ shouty. I’ve enjoyed Danny Phantom and Phineas and Ferb. One of my faves of all time is Samurai Jack. I wish they could have finished that one.

      I also liked Dexter’s Laboratory, but my kid never did. I had a Dexter’s Lab toy from BK that was actually pretty cool, which used a magnet to levitate a little Dexter.

      1. Quick way to check if a cartoon is good: Was Gendy Tarkovsky or one of his frequent collaborators (Lauren Faust, for example) involved?

        1. The Powerpuff Girls was another awesome toon though I didn’t care overmuch for Dexter. We never really got into Samurai Jack either, we got into Dragonball Z instead.

          1. Oh Dragonball Z. So much filler.

            1. When you can spend 30 minutes building up your power level, the punch that sends your opponent crashing through a mountain at the end makes it all worth it.

          2. The Powerpuff Girls was another awesome toon

            Amen brother

    3. Phineas and Ferb > The Fairly OddParents, but The Fairly OddParents’ jokes targeted at adults are a bit more adult. It may just be that we got burned out on The Fairly OddParents after watching it for so long, because it’s far, far better than any of the live-action schlock out there.

      1. I have to say, the quality of The Fairly OddParents started to go downhill a bit after they changed some of the voice actors. The early episodes are so far above the newer episodes.

        1. Maybe that was it. It was a truly awesome show when we watched it more back in the day.

      2. My son used to watch a lot (too much) of F.O.P. but has no interest in the show anymore. He is still big on Phineas and Ferb which I actually enjoy, it is quite watchable and I even like a lot of the songs. I fear he as he is growing older he is moving into more subversive cartoons — his current fave is The Regular Show, which can be difficult to watch, due to such characters as a fat shirtless zombie/Frankenstein with gynecomastia.

      1. No, the squirrels did.

    1. In anticipation of the DNR arriving on the scene, one farmer engaged in what can only be described as a heart-wrenching task of shooting his own pigs, one by one, including baby piglets before the DNR arrived. This was to avoid being arrested as a felon. His livelihood is now completely destroyed, as the state of Michigan has put him out of business. Even after this farmer informed the DNR that he had destroyed his entire herd of pigs, the DNR continued to illegally acquire a search warrant by providing false information to a court Judge, then conducting an armed raid on his ranch to verify that the entire herd of pigs had indeed already been shot to death. That this took place satisfied the DNR, which is now showing itself to be engaged in the mob-style destruction of targeted farming businesses through its mass-murder agenda of Michigan’s small-scale farm pigs.

      1. While a disagree with the law… how is pigs being slaughtered considered “heart-wrenching” other than the financial loss? Without the law, they would be bacon next year instead of this one.

        1. I bet that pig farmer was emotionally invested in his breeding stock, which doesn’t normally get slaughtered–pigs are quite personable. I imagine he knew each of his breeders on a level akin to pet cats and dogs. They are dead now, too, along with all his financial future.

    2. Are these the sort of people I wish would get caught up in fluke of probability and suffer rape, assault, and violent death at the hands of psycopaths and violent thugs? Absolutely.

    3. “in total violation of the Fourth Amendment”

      Is that the one that protects pigs?

      1. Is that the one that protects pigs?

        No, you’re thinking of sovereign immunity.

        1. Really, let the professionals speak. Sovereign immunity has nothing to do with pigs. Instead, it protects gold coins called sovereigns. As most here are aware, the founders were libertarian in many respects and had an unnatural love of gold. Like Scrooge McDuck, but naked.

          The Forth Amendment, commonly misheard as the “Fourth” Amendment, is the one that requires people to come “forth” with information when the government asks for it.

          1. I thought is was The Forked Amendment, referring to pigs on a spit, and also interpreted to allow Congress and other elected officials, any government official actually, extraordinary embellishment powers.

            1. That’s the Skewer Clause.

          2. The Forth Amendment, commonly misheard as the “Fourth” Amendment, is the one that requires people to come “forth” with information when the government asks for it.

            Awesome, I love it. Will steal.

            1. Go Forth, and multiply.

  18. This is in response to the 22-year-old F-M tranny that is a person of interest in those bomb threats. The tranny claims that he identifies as male and as such, wants to be able to use the men’s locker room. Well I got news for you buddy, if you truly identified as male, you’s be glad as hell you could use the women’s locker room.

    Epic. Fraud.

    1. But, but…EXTERNALITIES!!!!

      (I wonder if Chad registered?)

    2. I dunno. Speaking as a user of ladies’ rooms, I can assure you that those areas are just as gross as men’s when they don’t have to keep the area clean. Plus with the added “joy” of things like used diapers and “feminine hygiene products.”

  19. Newt Gingrich attacked by penguin, unclear at this time if penguin is a radical libertarian or just well-dressed.

    1. Zoo spokeswoman Susan Gallagher says a small bandage was all the medical care required.

      That’s easy for Susan to say. What if the Speaker comes down with tetanus, or (shudder) *rabies*?

    2. Give that penguin a medal!

      Oh, someone already did….

      [where link to Google pic of a penguin wearing a medal would be if Mary Stack and her multiple personalities hadn’t FUCKED UP H&R so much that the Filter Squirrels were turned up to 11 so I can’t post a fucking GOOGLE link – fuck you, MS and kin!]

        1. I was figuring “Penguin gets infection”.

          1. Penguins have remarkable immune systems.

    3. I can’t see the video – did Newt manage to deck the bastard in retaliation?

      1. No video, just an image of an angry penguin where hot linking is denied.

    4. Gingrich had just told the bitchy gay penguin that it was better off voting for Obama.

      1. And of his plans to get 30,000 Americans to move to his new Antarctic base and then declare it the 51st State.

    5. Was it baked?

      1. I spoke with BP, and he denies it was an attack. He was just trying to get Newt to sign the name change documents to make Newcular Titties a legally binding reality.

        1. I see, are you relaying this as professional, retained counsel?

          1. What? Whatever for? BP is making it up as he goes along.

            1. I have it on good authority that Callista may have been “touched” in a way reminiscent of Leda and The Swan.

              1. How can those terrified vague fingers push
                The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
                And how can body, laid in that white rush,
                But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

                A shudder in the loins engenders there
                The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
                And Agamemnon dead.

                1. Newt as Zeus engenders a pretty terrible/funny mental image. Although I guess swan-fucking engenders a pretty terrible mental image anyway.

      2. On the advice of my lawyer, I reserve the right…

        1. Plead the Third, Penguin! The Third!

    6. unclear at this time if penguin is a radical libertarian or just well-dressed.

      Was it wearing a monocle?

      1. He might have taken it off as part of a disguise. Everyone knows the truly insidious part of the libertarian threat is that when out of top hat, tuxedo and monocle they can look like normal human beings.

        1. Didn’t work that way for a one Oswald Cobblepot…

        2. That’s an urban myth spread by Democrats and Smelt.

          1. Fucking smelt bastards.

    7. I heard it was wearing a monocle at the time of the attack.

      1. I’m thinking false flag operation. It’s just to convenient.

  20. Anyone else see the Reason Visa card posted on Facebook?

    I think I’m gonna apply.

    1. Let me be clear, President Obama, The Bernank and Turbo Timmeh support your effort to increase the consumer debt in America, thereby contributing to the economic recovery.

      Thank you, Citizen

  21. That just downright scary when you think about it.


    1. So that post was not invalid?

      1. It makes sense if you think about it.

        1. They made Zing remove the unnecessary “LOL” before posting, though.

          1. unnecessary? It seemed to add a level of ambiguity. Was anonbot laughing inappropriately because it did not understand the situation? Or did it understand the situation only too well?

          2. just spotted this comment by anonbot on another thread. I will steal it.

            1. So they’re removing anonbot’s comments now?

  22. Ok, guys and gals. Tomorrow I’m on assignment in Branson. I figure Yakov and Shoji Tabuchi are the two must-sees. And how could I pass up a Very Brady Brunch with Barry Williams? Also, The Cleverlys, just for their ass-kicking bluegrass cover of Walk Like an Egyptian, plus I got a $5 coupon for the show.
    Anything other show I MUST see? (Unfortunately, Andy Williams won’t be defrosted during my visit.)

    1. The key to visiting Branson is to remember that the horror will end eventually.

    2. Fried Twinkie maybe?

      1. I’m a professional, dammit! I’ll tour Branson until the people know! Until they KNOW!

        1. And nothing I will see can possibly be worse than Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark.

    3. Dolly Parton’s Boobie Stampede is a must.

    4. Don’t miss the donkey show. Branson adds its own unique twist. Surprising family-friendly.

  23. Why we should fear the stupid more than the evil, part 5,395

    Mother admits accidentally starting fire which killed four of her children while she was burning pictures of ex-boyfriend
    Bobbie Kugler, 31, is believed to have told police that she set the bunch of pictures alight and threw them onto a pile of clothes
    She denies 4th-degree arson and four counts of 2nd-degree manslaughter
    The children, aged from six to 14, were asleep when fire engulfed home

    1. I see you are on quite an incendiary kick today.

      1. :applause:

        Well done.

    2. her children Gage Reavey, 14, Greg Kugler,13, Kandee Kugler, 12, and six-year-old Kaiden Kugler slept innocently in their beds.

      Kugler managed to flee with her two-year-old son Tyron Jackson.

      Details, please! Was the ex named Reavey, Kugler, Jackson, or what? Was alcohol involved?

    3. Sounds like righting a wrong to me. In this case, reproduction.

  24. an Indian man in Australia finds his birth mother using Google Earth.

    I guess Saroo would have been screwed without the amazing innovations of the US Government.

    He can show his gratitude by contributing to Obama’s reelection campaign. President Obama has been kind enough to make it very easy for him to contribute.

  25. Sartorial exposition linkage:

    Oh Christina, Oh Britney. Oh honey, no, just no.

    Christina vs Britney

    You’d think someone they like and trust would tell them they look awful. Both of them are about 10 years past being able to pull off that look.

    1. 10 years and 40 pounds past.

    2. but can they transform teh mom jeans & tent tops into a fashion tour de force?!

      1. I dunno, but they prolly have a better chance of it than with those outfits.

  26. Once again, leave it to The Daily FAIL

  27. Racoons make coordinated effort to drive off tourists. Go home snowbird! Leave all your money!

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