A.M. Links: Bollywood Star Detained at Airport, Iran Nuke Talks Start Tomorrow, New Hope For Life on Mars

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  • ziggy stardust lives here

    Shah Rukh Khan, one of Bollywood's biggest stars, was detained at the White Plains Airport in New York for two hours before being allowed into the country. Indian officials say a "mechanical apology" is inadequate.

  • Officials from Iran, the U.S., Britain, France, Russia, China, and Germany arrived in Istanbul today for talks due to start tomorrow on Iran's nuclear program.
  • Western intelligence officials think North Korea could opt for a nuclear test after yesterday's embarrassing missile launch failure.
  • The African Union called for an immediate withdrawal of South Sudanese forces from a Sudanese oil field in a disputed border region, warning that the hostilities between the countries could turn into a full blown and "disastrous" war.
  • Fox News terminated an employee Gawker called "the Fox Mole," its attorneys warning the former O'Reilly Factor Associate Producer that his public comments "are admissions of likely criminal and civil wrongdoing".
  • A second look at a Martian soil sample collected by Viking 1 in 1976 has one scientist today "99% sure there's life there".

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  1. Obama Hammered for ‘Jetting Around,’ Taking Vacations While Americans Suffer
    http://www.weeklystandard.com/…..36942.html

    1. President Barack Obama: “Well, I don’t know how many viewers you’re talking about that say that.”

      Nice, Obama’s anecdotal style of governance* gets thrown back in his face.

      *Phrase courtesy of our precious Matt Welch

      1. It’s very Clintonion. Ole Bill promised no tax increases, then, after doing so, claimed “I never said I wouldn’t raise taxes. For reasons that completely mystify me, I never met a voter who thought that [I would raise taxes].”

        1. didnt 41 say read my lips? or was that kiss my a$$ & raised taxes anyway?

          1. He did, and he paid the price for it.

            1. Yeah, Bush I is probably the last president that got called out on bullshit campaign promises by the media. And he paid for it with his job.

              He did mail his reelection campaign in, so I’m not gonna say it was all due to his “read my lips” thing.

              1. I think Ross Perot had a lot to do with it.

    2. But the fact of the matter is, I think if you look at my track record, I’m raising a family here. When we travel, we got to travel through Secret Service, and Air Force One, that’s not my choice. I think most folks understand how hard I work and how hard this administration is working on behalf of the American people.”

      I have a family. I mean you try telling Michelle and those snot nosed brats they have to vacation at Camp David instead of Mexico or Spain.

      1. There are plenty of people who have deferred vacations because of economic conditions. Traveling via Air Force One and with a Secret Service escort at a cost of $100s of thousands is really just the foul icing on the shit cake he’s serving up to America. How many fucking vacations does his family go on? A lot more than the *one* that most damilies can afford even in good years.

        1. and there are plenty of people who have taken modest vacations that do not include five-star hotels in exotic locations. Hells bells, Bush used to go to that ranch of his in TX; his daddy went to the family property in Maine; and, Reagan went to his CA ranch. Maybe it’s a Dem thing: see the Conde Nast recommended destinations on the public’s dime.

          1. They don’t have ranches in Chicago, so maybe they can go to Illinois Beach State Park? And make sure to inspect the inside of the nuclear reactor in Zion while they’re at it.

            1. He can’t. Rahm closed all of the beaches because flash mobs were terrorizing people.

              Ah, good old Chicago.

        2. He thinks it’s a small price (for us) to pay for them to be farther away from him.

        3. Even Clinton was smart enough to just go hang out at Camp David.

          1. “Even Clinton was smart enough to just go hang out at Camp David.”

            To be fair, though, he probably had an entire harem at Camp David.

        4. It’s been 4 years since I had a real vacation. Obama can kiss my ass.

          1. I’m going on my first “real” vacation for over seven years. Lately, I’ve been hanging around Lake Michigan, but now we’re planning on going to Charleston, SC for no particular reason other than I have fond childhood memories of traveling down south.

          2. I am taking a vacation to explore expatriation. The federal government can kiss my ass.

      2. Obama Sprewell: “If the American taxpayers want to see my family fed, they better cough up some money.”

      3. When we travel, we got to travel through Secret Service, and Air Force One, that’s not my choice.

        Right, because he was dragged kicking and screaming from his home in Chicago and forced into the presidency.

        1. He’s doing it for your own good, not because he wants to. Obama the Martyr.

        2. “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

        3. Well and it is his fucking choice to tell his foul wife that she doesn’t get to take her own plane, entourage, and equipment because she wants to get there 4 hours earlier.

          The first fucking welfare queen family.

    3. The President takes vacations. That’s the sort of hard-hitting journalism this country needs.

    4. There was a godawful article a bit back in that unofficial Democratic Party newsletter called Time Magazine that was basically “leave Barack aloooone! Leave him alooooone!” about his vacationing, and that you can’t criticize him for it because only Presidents know how much they need to vacation.

      Considering that he’s not exactly self-employed, I would argue that his employers most definitely do have a say in how much incredibly expensive paid vacation for him and his family is acceptable.

      1. I seem to recall media bigmouths tallying up how many days Dubya had gone on vacation. Shit, at least the man went to his own ranch when he took off.

      1. He’s mad! He’s mad. He’s madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year’s Mr Madman competition.

      2. And the funniest thing is that I always saw the whole “first” (and variations) to be a bit stupid, yet I found myself unable to resist it when first I had the chance.

        1. Who can turn down a good firsting when the opportunity arises?

          1. Goatse registered as “plu1959”?

            1. plu1959 is a proxy for all of the FTV Girls.

              Um, a friend told me about them.

          2. I got to first a White House status update once

            1. I got fisted by the White House.

              1. That doesn’t make you special. 300 million other people got the same treatment.

                1. And one got cigared.

                2. “Got?” What’s this past tense business? We’re GETTING it every day.

  2. Whilst [officer] Eiskant will not face any jail sentence, the agreement also states that ‘probation length, at initial sentencing, shall not exceed one year, and may be converted to unsupervised probation, in the discretion of the court, after any mandatory counseling has been completed.’

    The no contest pleas were for two counts of attempt to commit a felony for false imprisonment, one count of stalking, two counts of harassment and charges for larceny and possession of marijuana.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-duty.html

    He got treated the same as anyone else because there’s no double standard for cops.

    That’s just a myth spread by anti-cop bigots.

    Dunphy told me so.

    1. I could have lived my entire life and been happy not to read about that guy’s crime.

    2. No wonder he pleaded no contest.

    3. You guys think that’s bad? Here’s my take on it from a week ago. But I warn you: there are details in there that will take your rage over the top. I’ll give you a hint what it’s about: he’s going to be able to collect leave so he can retire in November.
      And dunphy defended that earlier this week (because I posted it here). Said the man had every right to collect time for paid or unpaid leave because it was agreed to in the union contract. Fucking enablers don’t care about fairness or justice unless it happens to coincide with their contract or if they somehow benefit from it personally.

      1. It’s just like his comments on the pepper spray incident in the post last night. There are procedures in place so there’s no need for logic or discretion. As long as he can point to a piece of paper with words that some other cop wrote that say it’s ok, it’s ok. The people and victims be damned.

        1. There are procedures in place so there’s no need for logic or discretion.

          Government is supposed to simply function.
          No thought, no judgement, no discretion.
          Just look up a policy to know what to do in any given situation.

          That way you are not responsible for you were simply following policy.

          If there is a problem then the policy needs to be amended.

          Following policy is all that matters.

          1. I call this “institutionalized stupdity”.

            Thinking is not allowed, because someone might make a bad decision and that wipes out all prior good decisions.

            1. “institutionalized stupidity”

              I like that. Similar to the “Zero Tolerance” policy in schools, where they expel kids for bringing butter knives into the cafeteria.

        2. But the funny thing about last night is, the piece of paper said Officer Pike was not authorized to use the pepperspray on the students. Yet dunphy still inexplicably predictably defended the unauthorized, unnecessary and likely illegal use of force.

          Now can you people see why I despise him so much? And do you see why he tries to ingratiate himself with me from time to time (like yesterday, earlier in the day)? It’s because he knows we are right and he is wrong about this, but he just can’t let go of all that power. None of the animals can.

        3. There are procedures in place so there’s no need for logic or discretion. As long as he can point to a piece of paper with words that some other cop wrote that say it’s ok, it’s ok. The people and victims be damned.

          This is what makes dunphy so comical. He insists that he’s as much a friend to liberty as the most fervent libertarian, but when it comes to his own government-sponsored cartel and its seemingly routine violations of people’s rights, he trots out the “just following orders” defense.

  3. Obama’s women problem
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..story.html

    When he took office in 2009, Obama’s job approval rating with women had reached 70 percent; today it has slipped to 49 percent ? a precipitous decline of 21 points. This is why the president has been working overtime to court the women’s vote ? weighing in on whether women should be admitted to the Augusta National Golf Club (even though nobody asked what he thought); publicly taking the side of a female Georgetown University law student in her spat with Rush Limbaugh; and forcing religious employers to provide coverage for contraception and abortion-inducing drugs.

    1. The Augusta thing is a big “meh.” It’ll be forgotten in another week. The Sandra Fluke thing is another story.

      Does anybody else find it slightly odd that they pushed her to the sidelines and have removed all references to her from their schtick? That woman had a past and/or present that will end up being an albatross around Obama’s neck. And the administration is doing everything in its power to remove her name from the American people’s minds lest it come up around election time.

      Wait and see. She’s gonna end up hurting him in a big way.

      1. Fluke got pushed aside because enough people saw through the BS over Rush’s remarks and got to the heart of the issue: a 30-year old who wants free stuff. Even Catholic women who want birth control have long since figured out how to get it without trying to strong arm the church. And in today’s media, that Fluke seems to have been a plant all along is easily shown.

        1. And in today’s media, that Fluke seems to have been a plant all along is easily shown.

          I suspect that was the real reason Issa didn’t call on her to testify initially–because he saw her file and smelled a rat.

          THe irony is that if Obama hadn’t stuck his nose in the whole thing, due to his paranoia over anything Rush says, her arguments might have gone completely unexamined and the media bobbleheads would have had time to craft a narrative that the White House could exploit. Instead, anyone with sense was able to see that she was just looking for someone else to pay for her birth control pills.

      2. They don’t need her anymore, they’ve got Trayvon.

        dead boy > live whore

        1. No, she was pushed out of the spotlight way before the Trayvon Martin opportunity presented itself.

          I’m telling you, they didn’t vet her before they decided to use her as their cause celebre. And now that they have, they’re terrified of what they’ve found.

          1. Why would they have vetted her? They don’t vet anyone and they’re only now starting to be called on it. They’ve been covering each other’s shit for years.

          2. Vetting = profiling. Can’t have that.

          3. Some variant on beer goggles?

  4. Indian officials say a “mechanical apology” is inadequate.

    First, Ann Romney’s not doing “real” work and now her husband doesn’t give “real” apologies. They can’t catch a break.

    1. WTF is a “mechanical apology”? I, for one, would be thrilled if someone sent a robot to my door to say sorry.

    2. What is this about? And is it Dot Indians or Feather Indians?

  5. Bar Refaeli could put a woody on a statue.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..shoot.html

    1. I’m not saying that Bar Refaeli isn’t hot, but holy Photoshop: that skin is impossibly smooth.

      1. I agree. Photoshoping has gotten out of control. She is certainly attractive. But I don’t see how having a freckle on her arm makes her less attractive. Those photos are so photoshoped they are kind of creepy.

        1. No, John, the only thing you find creepy about her is that she’s not 200 pounds with a lantern jaw and Brillo-like tufts of hair sprouting out from her bikini bottom. Admit it.

          1. Okay that is funny. Not true but funny.

            1. Okay that is funnytrue. Not true funny but funny true.

            2. John, don’t listen to the haters. Just google “Kelly Brook”.

              1. Just google “Kelly Brook”.

                I just did, since I’d never heard of her. She’s beautiful.

            3. Skin can stay smooth like that for real in women who’ve never worked a day in their lives.

        2. It’s why I’m convinced that the impending wave of fem-bots is scaremongering. It’s the endearing imperfections that make the heart grow fonder.

          1. Fembots could be designed with imperfections. Just like the designer torn jeans kids used to plunk down $50 for during my youth.

            1. Just like the designer torn jeans kids used to plunk down $50 for during my youth.

              I believe they’re still doing that, only they’re paying more than 50 bucks these days.

              1. Remember what P.T. Barnum was fond of saying…

    2. Wasnt that posted in yesterdays morning links?

      1. I posted it in some story round 2pm I believe.

    3. Someone went a little nuts with the dodge and burn tools to get those fake hilights in the first pic. Am I sure it is fake? Absolutely. Fallow the highlight up her left arm. It should fade and spread at the top and not continue as a singular bar.

      1. Back, and to the left.

        Back, and to the left.

        1. You’re doing the hokey pokey, Pro’L Dib.

          1. There’s no right foot out or shaking, you Suk.

          2. That’s not the hokey pokey, it’s the Beyonce.

            1. Can’t be Beyonce, it’s not repeated enough.

              Repetition doesn’t equal rhyme.
              Repetition doesn’t equal rhyme.

        2. You need a golf club to do it properly, ProL.

        3. I said fallow, like she let that bushy arm hair go out of control, not follow as in ‘the leader.’

          1. in my defense, I’m usually in a rush with underlings vying for my attention as I’m writing.

      2. It’s just digital makeup. Cut her some slack…

    4. Nice. Did you see the utube of her playing tennis in her underwear someone posted here the other day.

      1. Jooz can’t play sports. Does not compute. Error! Errrrrrrrrrrooooooooorrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

        1. It’s tough to find the time when you’re secretly controlling the world.

  6. Rove: Obama’s Campaign Will Take the Low Road
    The 2008 pledge not ‘to pit Red America against Blue America’ is no longer operative.
    http://online.wsj.com/article/…..on_LEADTop

    Mr. Romney also should remind Americans of Mr. Obama’s lofty words from his 2008 acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention in Denver. There he said, “If you don’t have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare voters. If you don’t have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.”

    Mr. Obama attacked such a strategy then. Lacking any fresh ideas or a record to run on, it’s the strategy he’s adopted now.

    1. It’s easy to run a campaign on unicorn farts when you don’t have a voting record. Once a Team Politician has said record in our system of Contemporary American Statism? there is no high road to take.

      1. the more important question, who will get to Scotland first?

        1. Gotta be Obama afore Romney, I suppose, if Rove is correct.

      2. The way Mittens took down his primary opponents, if O goes negative, this campaign season will be delicious.

        1. Shit Flopney is too much of a pussy. I still think he will choose The Corpulent Jesus as his Veep to add weight to his candidacy.

          1. I see what you did there.

    2. Lord, what a great quote for Romney. Run that first, the show the attacks by Obama. Then show a picture of Romney pulling children out of a burning building or something.

      1. There’s a Romney commercial airing here in PA about an employee who lost his daughter in NYC, only to have Mitt force all his employees to go to NYC to look for her.

        1. Perfect. Man, I may have a career in this.

        2. Yeah, it’s this:
          http://www.snopes.com/politics/romney/search.asp
          The only thing I’ve ever read that raised my opinion of Mittens.

  7. 21st Amendment Brewery, never had the beer, but I dig the name.

    1. They make a nice Black IPA.

      1. Black IPA…Black India Pale ale…Black India Pale Ale…

        just sayin.

        CDA is probably a better name. But, whatever.

        1. I didn’t name it, I just drank it. And enjoyed the shit out of it.

        2. I’m guessing DA = Dark Ale. What’s the C?

          1. unmentionable in polite company

            1. So why didn’t he say it here?

          2. I’m guessing DA = Dark Ale. What’s the C?

            Nothing. After enhancing the label, CNN found that it actually reads “Punk Dark Ale.” They refuse to comment any further on the matter.

          3. Cascadian Dark Ale.

            As the style was “invented” (reinvented?) in Washington state.

  8. Latin America’s giving up on Obama too
    http://news.investors.com/arti…..merica.htm

    They see Obama preoccupied in that time frame with wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and then Libya. The alleged “reset” of relations with Russia. And then in his more recent trip to Asia, Obama’s announcement of redeployed U.S. priorities into that region — economic, political and military — to counter China’s growing influences.

    In all of the Latin American countries surveyed, the percentage expecting a strengthening of relations with Obama’s United States has declined.

  9. Obama’s inequality argument just utterly collapsed
    http://blog.american.com/2012/…..collapsed/

    Underlying Obama’s entire thesis is the work of two economists, Thomas Piketty and Emmanuel Saez. According to them, median American incomes rose just 3.2% from 1979 through 2007. (All figures are inflation adjusted.)

    So what happened to the rest of the dough? The top 10%, 1% and 0.1% grabbed all the money. Or pretty much most of it. Time to crank up taxes on the rich and spend more on the middle class. It’s not overstating things to say that the findings of Piketty and Saez form the very heart of Obamanomics, giving a powerful economic rationale for Obama policies such as ending the upper-end Bush tax cuts to Obamacare to the Buffett Rule.

    But it’s just not true, according to a new study in National Tax Journal from researchers at Cornell University. (Here’s an earlier, working-paper version.) The academics, led by economist Richard Burkhauser, don’t say the findings of Piketty and Saez are wrong ? just incredibly, massively incomplete. According to the Cornell study, median household income ? properly measured ? rose 36.7%, not 3.2% like Piketty and Saez argue. That’s a big miss.

    1. According to the Cornell study, median household income ? properly measured ? rose 36.7%, not 3.2% like Piketty and Saez argue. That’s a big miss.

      It’s only a miss if informing the public of what has actually happened, instead of what is politically convenient, is the point of your bloviating. Given the political circumstances we see ourselves in, I’d say that they did EXACTLY what they’ve set out to do.

      1. A better argument against Obama would be the quality of live in 2007 vs 1979. Do we want to go back to foaming at the mouth because cable is coming to our street soon, our cars are hideous, no computers, no cellphones, no fax machines, no call waiting, no GPS, no Netflix, no online porn, no fantasy football, no great selection of beer, etc, etc, etc…

        The quality of life in America has improved dramatically. So even if the median income is the same, its purchasing power has gone up dramatically, and the 1%ers are to thank for almost all of that.

        1. Actually, I wouldn’t be terribly disappointed in a world without today’s cell phones–there’s something maddening about seeing people tapping away on their digital umbilicus all day long.

          1. Oh, I’d be thrilled. But you have to admit, technology has advanced an amazing amount in the last quarter century…and the 1% deserve most of the credit.

        2. such a great statement. I wish more people would realize this.

  10. Nude maid service under fire:

    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/he…..exas-city/

    A West Texas entrepreneur has taken maid service to the next level.
    Patrons who are willing to pony up $100 an hour can have their houses cleaned by a scantily clad, topless or totally naked woman. And for an extra $50 per hour, clients of Fantasy Maid Service of Lubbock will have two women clean house.
    Owner Melissa Borrett, 26, said Tuesday night that she started the service in mid-February because she was struggling to make ends meet as a waitress.

    Not surprisingly, the enterprise has caught the attention of local authorities.
    Lubbock police Sgt. Jonathan Stewart told the Associated Press that Borrett doesn’t have a permit to operate a sexually oriented business. Officers are watching for any violation, which would bring a $2,000 fine.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tE2VTnBrlTU

    Other local maid services such as Tidy Lady Cleaning owned by Brooke Nevarez said Borrett is shining a negative light on the business. Nevarez says she’s totally against it, and thinks these girls are finding an easy way to run a prostitution ring.

    1. Competition, how the fuck does it work?

      And even if the nude maids is nothing but a cover for an escort service, how does that mess with legitimate cleaning businesses? One could safely assume that if men are using the maid service as a call girl service that their houses would still need to be cleaned, or that they were never in the market for a cleaning service to begin with.

    2. Popular story, this is the third day in a row it’s made it into AM Links.

      1. I can’t imagine why

      2. My fault, saw it on Red Eye earlier.

      3. And you wonder why the only women who show up at H&R are primitivism freaks and husband hunters.

        1. I like flush toilets
          I do not want a husband
          I am female
          I am not the only one here

          1. I am also female.
            My idea of camping is a hotel room that opens directly to the outdoors.
            I have a husband.

            Otto is a twat.

            1. Otto is a twat.

              Otto == Tulpa.

              Mystery solved.

            2. Otto is a twat.

              The name kind of gives it away.

        2. You presume your campus of fat angry lesbians speak for all women.

          If your stupid little thesis was correct, they would be avoiding sports bars too.

        3. And you wonder why the only women who show up at H&R are primitivism freaks and husband hunters.

          Who would hunt for a husband here? Oh, right. Nevermind.

          1. What do you think Tony is doing?

      1. What about when he had a girlfriend who was also the maid?

    3. Lubbock police Sgt. Jonathan Stewart told the Associated Press that Borrett doesn’t have a permit to operate a sexually oriented business.

      They’re paying for their houses to be cleaned, smart guy, not for the nudity. The cleaners just happen to be nude.

      Nevarez says she’s totally against it, and thinks these girls are finding an easy way to run a prostitution ring.

      Interesting (potential defamation) idea. Got any evidence for it?

  11. Emma Watson all growed up.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..stamp.html

    1. Herimone got a tramp stamp. That is tragic.

      1. Pay attention, John. Painted on for the film. Or do you just look at the pictures?

        1. Of course I just look at the pictures. Who actually reads the Mail? It is not the best newspaper in the world for its writing.

        2. It’s the Daily Mail. I can’t blame anyone for ignoring the text.

          1. Yeah, I made the same mistake on a Jessica Alba Daily Mail picture the other day.

            I did happen to catch the painted on in the text this time.

          2. It’s the Daily Mail. I can’t blame anyone for ignoring the text.

            That’s Daily FAIL, Zebulon.

      2. A temp for the movie she is shooting.

      3. She also apparently got a really bad weave.

    2. “Emma Watson’s transformed into a teen rebel with hot pants, high heels, and a tramp stamp.”

      Quite pathetic that this is still considered to be “rebellious” in this day and age.

      These days, an actual teen rebel (i.e., someone who goes against the status quo) doesn’t have sex, dresses modestly, doesn’t get tattoos, watches their language, and treats people with respect.

      1. It’s isn’t. The writer has to say something even though there is nothing to say.

      2. Straightedge is back but respectful?

  12. Now if the government treated people like they owned their own bodies, and were allowed to choose what chemicals they put into them, this cop might still be alive.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-bust.html

    1. This story completely took over the Boston news last night for some reason. I’m pretty sure the chief’s last words were “I’m gettin to old for this shit”.

      1. I bet they were “I’m getting too old for this shit”. (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.)

        1. Listen heah youngstah

      2. I wonder how it would have gone down if they had served the warrant while the guy was coming out of the grocery store, or if they’d have done it when he was cutting the grass.

        I feel bad for the cop’s family, but this is what happens when you serve warrants on someone and you have no idea what’s behind that front door.

    2. Drug peddler:

      “Standard procedure was followed. Any loss of life is of course tragic, but in these situations we have to think about criminal safety first.”

    3. From the article:

      Police chief Michael Maloney, 48, killed as officers attempted to search property

      and

      Police chief shot dead just two weeks before retirement…

      Uhh, what? He was 48 and he was two weeks away from retiring? Damn, I’m 49. I should have been a cop. I could be retired by now.

  13. Taxing America’s credulity
    http://www.nypost.com/p/news/o…..ZkLpZEBf0M

    Actually, what Obama really wants is a dramatic increase in the capital-gains tax ? which primarily hits business owners and investors.

    The very people, that is, who create the jobs that America ? beset by chronic high unemployment ? desperately needs.

    Which likely explains why a new poll by the centrist Democratic group Third Way shows that among independents, only 15 percent say they’d support a candidate who stresses “tax equality.”

    On the other hand, 80 percent prefer a candidate focused on job creation.

  14. An Amazon shopper reviews Veet

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/review…..U4ZG0YDNHD

    1. OK, that made me LOL.

  15. Study shows that commonly used baby wash products produce false-positive THC tests in clean urine. You know; the same kind of results that have led to numerous arrests of mothers and the removal of children from parental custody.

    We have identified commonly used soap and wash products used for newborn and infant care as potential causes of false positive THC screening results. Such results in this population can lead to involvement by social services or false child abuse allegations.

    1. Easy fix, just rely on eye witnesses who say that they never saw the mother use those products.

      1. These products are widely used in hospitals. It’s not just 1 product, but many.

      2. Yeah because CPS is so going to believe you.

        1. I promise to try harder next time to make my jokes more jokesy. Since these tests are proving to be very unreliable, I thought it would super hilarious to suggest relying on something else that people have a hard time understanding also isn’t reliable at all.

        2. In my experience, if a CPS investigator likes a person, any lie will be believed, no matter how implausible, even if contradicted by the testimony of every other person she interviews and the documentary/physical evidence taken at the time of the incident.

          1. In my experience, if a CPS investigator likes a person the mother

            FTFY.

            1. This is a family blog, not a MILF porn site.

  16. Rural corruption rivaling D.C.’s best

    How come the East Montgomery County Improvement District has been funneling millions of dollars to various development entities connected to the proposed EarthQuest Resort in New Caney, a hefty chunk of which appears to have been spent on lavish travel junkets for the developers, EMCID officials, and their families ? to view theme parks in Las Vegas, Florida, Canada, the Bahamas, Japan, China, and Vietnam?

    1. Also, check out the insane concept art for this vaporware theme park.

    2. Yay! Hopefully I can move back to the original snakepit of corruption around here and skip out on the tax increses for this mess, otherwise I’m screwed.

    3. East MoCo used to just be Republic of Texas and rednecks. Those boys come up.

      1. There’s a long history of the rubes fleecing city slickers with phony real estate deals, Brett.

      2. There’s a long history of the rubes fleecing city slickers with phony real estate deals, Brett.

        1. What are you talking about? That property I sold in the Everglades wasn’t a swamp when I had it surveyed.

    4. More in depth coverage here:
      http://www.houstonpress.com/20…..ment-park/
      We live in Montgomery County, TX.

  17. Dude who played Anakin Skywalker has one hot girlfriend.

    Holy shit.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..ensen.html

    1. He’s taking a much need beach vacation from his successful career as a ruiner of science fiction on the big screen. It’s tiring work to wipe his ass with the dreams our stuff is made of.

      1. Hayden Christiansen is Gozer?

        1. Technically, he’s Will Smith.

          1. Speaking of The Fresh Prince, Banjos and I saw a trailer for the new MIB movie coming out. Our reaction was: WTF?

            Personally, I like Will Smith in the MIB films. They were clever, had good CGI and were generally fun, if vacuous. Her reaction was more akin to abject horror.

            1. Barbara Striesand’s stepson as a young Tommy Lee Jones? I liked TLJ in these movies so don’t want to see someone else pretending to be him, thanks.

      2. Why are you blaming him for the fact that George Lucas sucks?

        Let’s face it – either all the actors working on the Star Wars franchise post-Empire were producing the worst work of their careers, or something was systematically knee-capping them.

        And which prince of lies had his hands in every little aspect of those movies? What chief/writer/producer/director who turns idle hands into his playthings? Was it GEORGE LUCAS?

        1. He also ruined Jumper, which was a fairly enjoyable YA SF novel, and he’s still attached to play Case in the Neuromancer adaptation (which might be in turn-around again, hopefully to await a lead that has more than two facial expression, both of which make him look like a farting tard.)

          1. He was okay in Shattered Glass. Maybe he should stay away from science fiction?

            1. Maybe he should just stay away.

          2. Wait, wat? Nonono. Don’t let him near Neuromancer. Where’s my goddam pistol?

          3. Neuromancer is going to get made (eventually)?

            I guess there is still hope for Snow Crash someday.

            Really, Hollywood, what the fuck? Snow Crash is practically screaming “turn me into a fucking movie”. Its even easy to cut down from novel to movie size, the stuff that needs to get cut doesnt ruin the actiony stuff at all.

            1. I’d be fine if neither were made into a movie. In fact, I’d be fine if they never adapted another SF novel for the screen ever again.

              1. Well, okay.

                But I like movies and I like sci-fi movies, but they usually suck. And their are good stories out there. And some of the movies based on them havent sucked (mostly PK Dick, for some reason).

                So I hold out hope that it can be done right.

                Then you end up with Starship Troopers.

                1. If there is any hope, it probably lies on TV. Game of Thrones is a good indicator of how to do it.

                  Take the source material seriously. Don’t rely on set pieces to drive the story. Don’t treat your audience like they are idiots for liking the source material: the original story worked for a reason, attempt to understand and respect that reason.

                  1. Take the source material seriously. Don’t rely on set pieces to drive the story. Don’t treat your audience like they are idiots for liking the source material: the original story worked for a reason, attempt to understand and respect that reason.

                    Peter Jackson got this. LotR wasnt perfect, but respect was shown.

                    And, for all the bitching I did about Tom Bombadil being cut, it had to be done.

                    On a related note…I was at a bar the other night during its trivia night…I wasnt playing, just happened to be there, but one of the rounds was “giving a topic (with 3 things in it), what is the middle thing alphabetically”.

                    One of the questions was “Books in the Lord of the Rings”. Obviously, the correct answer is The Return of the King.

                    However, I went up to the trivia-guy and pointed out that there are actually 6 LOTR books, each novel contains 2 books.

                    1. And, for all the bitching I did about Tom Bombadil being cut, it had to be done.

                      Why? Seriously, why the fuck did Tom Bombadill have to get cut? Was it so they could spend 5 minutes watching Sam and Frodo float down the river? Or so they could add all of the cut scenes of Boromir (Sean Bean-respect) eyeballing Frodo? Or so they could have a 5 minute scene in the Prancing Pony? Maybe so they could have Gandalf read the entire book in the Dwarf’s tomb?

                      Fuck that shit. Tom Bombadill being cut was and is unforgivable. And I personally believe God punished him for it by having Satan send the soul of a depraved child molester to possess his body during the entire process known as King Kong.

                    2. Sorry about that. I guess I got a little overexcited. It won’t happen again.

                    3. I could live with Tom getting cut if the ended hadn’t been entirely rewritten and stretched out forever.

                      Frankly, I think the love of those movies is a little overblown. The first one was fairly well done, but they seemed to lose connection with the actual (and far superior) books after that. Looked really good, though.

                2. .Then you end up with Starship Troopers.

                  Not to mention the abomination that is David Lynch’s Dune.

                  The Dune Miniseries was much, much better, IMO.

                  1. Not to mention the abomination that is David Lynch’s Dune.

                    **shudder**

                3. Starship Troopers was fun. It wasn’t deep, it wasn’t meaningful, it was just fun.

              2. I’m beginning to think that cable miniseries, if done right, are the best medium (aside from the books).

                Just this morning, I had a moment of pain as (for God knows what reason) the movie of Bicentennial Man popped into my head. Poor Asimov. His stories aren’t hopelessly complicated–why can’t anyone make a movie remotely true to them?

                1. Agreed.

                  Help me HBO, you are my only hope!

                  Speaking of Game of Thrones, I bought the first season DVDs recently (I dont have HBO, but did see Ep 1 last year while on a business trip).

                  Ive one episode to go, it is well done.

                  I havent read the books although Ive seen enough spoilers that, for example, the beheading at the end of Ep 9 didnt come as a surprise. I was expecting his death to be different, but I knew it was coming.

                  I am hearing that as it goes along (season 2 and rumors about season 3), it is vearing further from the books, which seems like a bad idea.

                  1. re: GoT season 2
                    I was a big fan of the first season. Then I read the books and thought the parts that did stray from the story weren’t bad and didn’t really change the flow. I understand you might have to add some scenes to keep stars in the show when their characters aren’t in a lot of chapters.
                    After the second episode of the second season I am hugely disappoint. They added worthless scenes, misplayed some relationships, and killed of a character unnecessarily. Only someone who works for HBO could read SoFaI books and think they need more sex and more killing.

                2. The miniseries is probably one of the most endangered forms of film.

                  They have almost no long tail. They can’t draw hard money like a theatrical release. They don’t produce an on-going money-maker like a TV series. They are too long to re-run all the time, too short to syndicate into digestible chunks. You have to promote them as an event when first aired and rearrange your schedule, or show them one-hour a week in some other slot. They are a length that writers are unused to, leading to crappy compression or crappier de-compression. The sets and locations are as expensive as a TV show, but you don’t have the promise of recouping that money through re-use during the life of series. And if it is popular, you have to scrabble to make it into a TV series, which rarely works unless you were using it as a backdoor pilot in the first place, which means that you weren’t making a mini-series anyway.

                  If you noticed, not even SyFy makes them much any longer. It’s either ludicrous movies seemingly written over a long weekend during a coke binge, or fairly well-done TV series that they keep on the air for too long, or cancel before the first contract re-negotiations.

                  1. You would think DVD sales would add the long tail that was previously missing.

                    But maybe not.

                    1. DVD sales are being killed off by streaming services. Less up front cost, but also less revenue. Besides, only pay-cable or SyFy are going to be interested in a SF mini, and they replay stuff so often to fill their schedule (which is their ever-thinning long tail), I can’t imagine why anyone with a DVR would ever pay for a miniseries on DVD at this point, it’s going to be on again eventually.

                    2. That network is just poorly run, period. They’ve passed on opportunities to run decent series in favor of stupid films, bad series, and randomly run re-runs. Not to mention wrestling and bizarre name changes. Possibly the worst managed network in TV, after maybe OWN.

              3. In fact, I’d be fine if they never adapted another SF novel for the screen ever again.

                I’m firmly in this camp. 10-15 years ago I would’ve loved a Neuromancer movie, not any more. I imagine a cast full of Michael Ceras and Twitchy Cuntface Stewarts directed by Michael Bay. No thank you. I quite enjoyed the film I’ve seen in my head after a dozen or so readings.

        2. And as bad as Lucas is, he didn’t help by giving off the air of a whinny bitch for two movies. Yeah, those movies were going to be bad no matter what. But if he had had even an ounce of testosterone, it would have helped.

          1. Exactly. Lucas may have squatted out the turd, but Hayden smeared it all over the place.

            1. To be sure, my concern about the quality of the Star Wars films isn’t such that I wouldn’t take millions to play a role in them, however crappy. Shit, for a million a picture, I’m perfectly happy portraying Jar Jar Binks. Though I’d have insisted on doing it in Sean Connery’s voice.

              1. I would have done it in Barry White’s voice.

                1. Also acceptable. No James Earl Jones, though, as that’s taken.

                  If I were Lucas, I’d have dropped Binks and replaced him with David Lo Pan. On an astral projection vacation from Earth. No Force, but definitely Chinese black magic.

                  1. Write out Binks and make Anakin a mouthy punk rebel teenager whose ass Obi Wan as to kick to show him he doesn’t know jack, and the first movie might have been watchable. You still would have to do something about Portman’s pathetic character and the ridiculous evil Chinese themed capitalist beseiging the planet. But it would be a good start.

                    That movie was so bad and had so many obvious flaws, it really wouldn’t be that hard to fix. It is ripe for a remake once Lucas dies and the kids start to run out of cash.

                    1. Actually I totally disagree on the direction that should have been taken. Vader is supposed to be a tragic character, a formerly good man who was seduced by the power of the dark side. You really have to make Anakin likeable to drive that point home.

                      I think that’s what Lucas was trying to do to some extent, but he failed miserably.

                    2. His downfall should have been tragic and epic. Instead, you either think “He wasn’t all that good in the first place” or “What? He’s worried about his pregnant wife, now he’s murdering kids? WTF?”

                      Anakin should’ve been played by Mel Gibson; Obi-Wan by Danny Glover. Exactly the same way as in the first Lethal Weapon movie. You know, the buddy-Jedi genre.

                    3. Speaky Mel Pro,

                      Do you hear they shelved his Judah Macabee movie? I am in mourning over that.

                    4. I’ve always liked him–sucks that his alcoholism has derailed his career.

                    5. What I got out of it was that he wasn’t all the good in the first place, so how in the hell could he be some terrorizer of a galaxy as Vader.

                      The only thing I can think of that didn’t make him look like an incompetent pussy was when he went after the guys who had his mother.

                    6. What elf said. The Harry Potter Movies did a better job of portraying a villain as a young man.

                    7. I’d have been okay with him not being portrayed as efficient–maybe that’s something he picked up plying the Dark Side arts. But not being really good in the first place made his fall less than dramatic.

                    8. Agreed. Buddy movie would have been the best way to go.

                    9. In some ways, that’s what the original film was. Multiple buddies.

                    10. Actually I totally disagree on the direction that should have been taken. Vader is supposed to be a tragic character, a formerly good man who was seduced by the power of the dark side. You really have to make Anakin likeable to drive that point home.

                      In some ways, Anakin’s storyline works much better when he’s a peripheral figure rather than the central character. Darth Vader is such a strong archetype that he dominates the audience’s perception of his character. Even in the first movie, Obi-Wan pointed out what a badass he was before he became Vader.

                      Anakin’s character works better as a charismatic paladin archetype with Caesar-like levels of combat prowess than he does as an gifted, overly earnest emo. It’s much easier to believe that the former could turn to darkness out of anger and despair when his ideals are destroyed.

                    11. That is a good point. One of the reasons why Vador is such a great villain is that he is so mysterious.

                    12. That is a good point. One of the reasons why Vador is such a great villain is that he is so mysterious.

                      Honestly, I would have focused Anakin’s downfall on the impact of the Clone Wars on his ideals of what a Jedi should be. This was somewhat touched on in the comics, and it works out so nicely–you have a Jedi prodigy engaging in a galactic civil war that seems to be the right thing to do at the time (due to the involvement of the Trade Federation in the supression of Naboo), only to find out that the Republic wasn’t all that virtuous once the motivations of the separatist planets came to light. As a young, idealistic man, it would be completely understandable that he might turn on the Jedi as the defenders of what he perceived to be a corrupt, rotten system in that instance, and his susceptibility to Palpatine’s influence and transformation into a dark enforcer of the very corruption he rebelled against also makes a lot more sense.

                  2. +3 Storms

            2. When Jake Lloyd out acts you, you suck.

          2. a whinny bitch

            John, you’re such a neigh-sayer.

          3. Lucas doesn’t know how to write young men who don’t sound like whiny bitches.

            Remember “but tomorrow we were going to town to look at the power converters!” from ANH? No, of course not. Everyone forgets the warts of the original trilogy and pretends Lucas suddenly forgot how to write in 1990.

            1. Luke wasn’t whinny. He was a kid stuck in the middle of the desert with his jerk uncle and submissive aunt. When push came to shove, he went out looking for Obi Wan even though his uncle told him not to.

              And yes, the first three had their warts. But, they had something the last three didn’t, actual actors who were able to cover up for the warts. Carrie Fischer and Harrison Ford are ten times the actors that Portman and this clown are. Even Mark Hammel was better than these people.

          4. Sure, but even Natalie Portman sucked in those movies. Hayden, who’s a far less skilled actor, didn’t have a chance.

            Honestly, they should have made Ewan McGregor play Anakin and Liam Neeson play Obi-Wan, without Phantom Menace, and they could have had something workable.

            1. That goes back to the whole problem with the prequels, they made Anikan too young in the first one. Unless you make him some kind of super scary freak kid like the little sister in Dune, no one is buying an 8 year old as the main character in an action sci fi film.

              1. I’d agree with this. If you’re going to portray Anakin as a super-Jedi prodigy, you need to something a lot more significant than “win a race and then go on a joyride and accidentally take out the main reactor of the enemy space station.” Playing a circumstantial role in Darth Maul’s demise, for instance (which would have also gotten him the attention of Palpatine right away), might have established his character a lot better.

          1. Plinkett should have his own TV show.

        3. I may just have a sentimental attachment because it was one of the first movies I saw, but Jedi isn’t that bad. It has it’s problems, but it doesn’t deserve to get lumped in with the shitty prequels.

          1. ROTJ is a good movie, except for the Ewoks. I love the whole redemption business–Luke went from whiny bitch to badass. Which, incidentally, only worked because his dad was so insanely evil and didn’t have, at the time, a back story of being a loser.

            1. every time an Ewok died I laughed. The bit that really stucvk in my craw was the redemption of Anakin Skywalker at the end. Yep, created the greatest badass in the galaxy and then have him puss out. And then Lucas managed to make it even worse by getting rid of the pasty old thesp in the original and putting Hayden Christensen in. Yes, he managed to drag down yet another SW flick, damn him

              1. The redemption story was good, I thought, but it’s diluted incredibly by the now-known back story.

                Just think, if Lucas hadn’t gone merchandising happy and had stuck with the Wookies being the bad-ass furballs, the movie would’ve been much better.

                1. Just think, if Lucas hadn’t gone merchandising happy and had stuck with the Wookies being the bad-ass furballs, the movie would’ve been much better.

                  It would have made more sense, story-wise, for Death Star 2.0 Beta to have been orbiting Kashyyyk than Endor.

                2. Considering what he has produced subsequently, I can only assume that Lucas considers New Hope and Empire failed attempts to bring his vision of shitty live-action cartoons for 6-year-olds to life.

                  Given his complete and utter creative control over the prequels, the Ewoks are not a mis-step, but rather his first self-defined success.

              2. every time an Ewok died I laughed…Lucas managed to make it even worse by getting rid of the pasty old thesp in the original and putting Hayden Christensen in.

                I’m swooping into AUS and stealing you. You’re a diamond in the rough.

                1. Just in case everyone isn’t familiar with the Endor Holcaust theory. . . .

                2. aah Doc, I’m only tolerable in small doses

                  1. I find for that statement to be true, it would require the willing suspension of disbelief. A spunky firecracker is a spunky firecracker.

        4. +1. Lucas takes 100% of the blame for the suckiness of those movies IMO.

          There are only 3 Star Wars films.

          1. This forever. I do not acknowledge anything beyond the original trilogy.

    2. Dude who played Anakin Skywalker has one hot girlfriend.

      Holy shit.

      She is arguably roughly as hot as the median looking 20something on any beach in Waianae.

    1. With an intro like that, how could I resist, spunky one? Sydney or bust!

  18. Former GE CEO Jack Welch Blasts Obama’s Leadership
    http://www.cnbc.com/id/47035575

    whew – just realized all of my links are Obama related.

    1. “He built GE into the greatest company on Earth, and the Earth into one of the top three planets in the universe.”

      1. If any company is secretly working with space aliens from beyond the Local Group, it’s GE. That’s why I own their statist-friendly stock.

    2. Has Jack Welch ever blasted GE’s rent-seeking crony capitalist scumbag leadership?

  19. You should immediately stop providing information and videos to Gawker that you unlawfully obtained while employed at Fox News, and return them to Fox News. You should immediately stop writing columns based on information that you unlawfully obtained while employed at Fox News.

    Who would have thought this would backfire on the guy. But the dude has a legit beef with Fox, giving him a paycheck for services rendered all that time.

    1. I dunno what kind of NDA he signed, but I would be sued to within an inch of my life if I did things that publicly.

  20. School Vouchers Gain Ground

    Louisiana is poised to establish the nation’s most expansive system of school choice by adopting a package of vouchers and other tools that would give many parents control over the use of tax dollars to educate their children.

    The initiative would effectively redefine vouchers, which have typically helped lower-income public-school students pay for private schools. Vouchers could now also be used by students to pay for state-approved apprenticeships at local businesses, as well as college courses and private online classes, while they are still in public schools.

    Teachers unions are, of course, going apeshit.

    1. Teachers unions are, of course, going apeshit.

      One can be reasonably sure that if teachers unions are upset about something that it’s almost certainly the right thing to do.

      1. the malicious truth is that any time a voucher program or other alternative to the public system becomes available, the kids most likely to be screwed by the public system are at the front of the line for the alternative.

  21. Speaking of Bollywood, a commercial in India advertizes for a whitener to whiten your vagina…cause I guess black isn’t considered beautiful in some parts of the world…or body:

    1. I seem to be the only person left on earth who knows the difference between a vagina and a vulva.

      1. There are a few others. It is annoying. You’d think that women, at least, would know the names of their own body parts.

        1. Make Going Down a Treat with Vagine Cuisine

          Do you think you’d get more action if your vag tasted like Eggs Benedict, chili or spicy fajita? Then Vagine Cuisine, brought to you by comedy group Olde Payphone, is especially for you! Bon app?tit!

          http://www.funnyordie.com/vide…..ne-cuisine

    2. This essay is hilarious.

  22. yet more Samantha Brick

    Now remember, your cruelly funny comments make her very very sad

    1. Her tears are a form of sustenance. You would deny us her life giving tears?

      Samantha haz sad 🙁

    2. Knowing that her daddy’s love is what made her feel so beautiful explains so much about her French husband.

    3. “…Oh what? You gonna kwy? No, go ahead, kwy. Let me see ya. Let me see you kwy.”

  23. Is it just me or does the dearth of comments on the original links attest to the recent decline in quality of AM Links?

    1. It’s been that way since Balko left. Our nuts and ovaries have never been safer and our appetite for outrage has been lacking satiety since.

      Oh, I’m sure there’s a drink in there somewhere. Bottoms up!

      1. Why is it always a drink? What about those of us who wish to play yet don’t drink? Can we take a hit instead?

        Besides that’s much better in the morning than being hammered by 10.

        1. I don’t drink either MLG. I use my “Drink!” much more creatively and satisfyingly.

    2. Hard to say since we’re still in the relatively immediate aftermath of registration.

      1. That would affect number of comments, not failure to comment on the original links.

        1. Ah, didn’t read your comment closely enough.

  24. Police Officer Caught Masturbating on Video While on Duty

    A police sergeant in Santa Fe, New Mexico is in a bad situation after a video caught him masturbating while he was on duty. The video has recently been released and it was filmed by the dashboard camera of the officer’s cruiser. The video released to the media does not show the inside of the cruiser but has audio that is quite steamy. The officer in question is Sgt. Mike Eiskant.

    http://www.jdjournal.com/2012/…..e-on-duty/

  25. Life on Mars?

    So David Bowie’s question has finally been answered?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C0RmRGTePw

    1. check this version out, my Lord

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nW0ACEOEq6w

    2. Don’t know about Bowie, but poor Percival Lowell is finally getting some vindication. Some.

        1. Who you gonna trust? Carl Sagan or your lying eyes?

          1. Don’t buy Sagan’s lies. Not only is there life on Mars, but he walks amongst the Martians as a ghost, something he also denied was possible. I have photos of him standing on the Martian surface!!!

            Lied about nuclear winter, too. Science has demonstrated that all-out nuclear war would result in a lovely nuclear spring.

            1. Sagan is one of the Ghosts of Mars?

              1. That’s one theory. Remember extraordinarily stupid claims require extraordinarily stupid evidence.

  26. Regardless of what you think about Ann Romney, it is funny to watch liberals purge Hillary Rosin. Remember, she is one of the primary hacks for the recording industry and one of the biggest supporters of SOPA. Her tears and downfall as a paid political hack are just yummy.

    1. I was rather amused by her interview with Wolf Blitzer. Talk about being thrown under the bus.

      1. Initially she doubled down. Until the White House took her into the basement and gave her the rubber hose treatment. Now she is all apologies.

        1. From what I heard of it, she gave the “I’m sorry you’re offended” apology.

          1. As has Lawrence O’Donnell, from what I gather WRT “I hate Mormons and I’m sorry you don’t!” This is getting ugly and we’re not even out of the gate.

  27. Regardless of what you think about Ann Romney, it is funny to watch liberals purge Hillary Rosin. Remember, she is one of the primary hacks for the recording industry and one of the biggest supporters of SOPA. Her tears and downfall as a paid political hack are just yummy.

    1. I am hard pressed to think poorly of a woman who was treated for cancer and is currently battling MS. Compared to most political wives, Ann seems kinda normal. Rosen simply revealed a malicious truth about who liberals are.

      1. I always thought poorly of Elizabeth Edwards. Of course she tried to weaponize her cancer.

        1. and she voluntarily married a smarmy prick

      2. Watched Ann Romney clip where she answered Rosin’s charges — smart, focused, on message. Anyone who attacks her for political purposes is a fool charging into a Mormon-sweet buzzsaw.

  28. Fracking is causing earthquakes…

    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/…..water.html

    1. Did the Earth move for you, too?

    2. Seems plausible. The people with the waste water wells should try selling it as prevention of future, larger earthquakes.

    3. Buried in the article:

      The earthquakes were “fairly small,” and rarely caused damage, Hayes said.

      Yet this minor point will be lost on the anti-fracks who will be treating every tremor in West Virginia like a 9.0 earthquake.

    1. “Law enforcement officers have to follow the same rules everybody else does,” he said.

      Now that’s some Friday Funnies.

    2. A week after the interview with Grant, he said Winford and the other deputies are claiming that Huff put an illegal tracking device on the truck. Huff denies that allegation. The detectives say they gave it back to Huff, so they have no proof of the tracking device.

      See, We stopped Huff because he was doing something illegal, but we felt it was best to just return his illegal device to him and let him go on his way.

  29. Re the new commenting system.

    You go away for a couple of weeks and what happens: a new login system. I hope it’s serving its purpose in smiting trolls. Unfortunately, someone grabbed my old login (Devil’s Advocate), which makes me a sad panda.

    Henceforth, I shall be known as “Hell’s Librarian.” It’s more accurate anyway.

    Formerly DA

    1. I like Hell’s Librarian. I assume you keep all of the best porn down there. That and extra copies of Nietzsche

      1. Librarians know where all the “good stuff” is. 😉

      2. Just a copy of Aristotle’s “On Comedy”. Apparently some asshole burned down a whole fucking library just to get to that one book.

      3. I’ll admit it, I don’t get the Nietzsche reference.

        1. I have the sneaking suspicion John meant “Dante.”

          1. I took it he was referring to this:

            “God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?”

              1. So noted. Apologies, John. I’m just on a roll of derp lately.

        2. No I meant Nietzsche. He of Beyond Good and Evil and God is Dead. He is Satan’s personal philosopher. And I mean that as a compliment.

          1. Yeah. Come on, people. It’s not that early.

          2. but if God is dead, Satan is too. Hence the need to create new values etc etc. Anyway Nietzsche wasn’t butch enough for Satan, who likes ’em a bit more rugged

            1. That is what the Devil wants you to think. Thus Nietzsche is his personal philosopher.

          3. Duh, OK, I’m with you now.

        3. God is dead, and all that, I would suspect.

    2. “Hell’s Librarian.”

      SugarFree may be demanding royalties and residuals. And your firstborn.

      1. Nah. Everyone knows I’m Hell’s Archivist.

    3. It was probably reserved for you. If you had a real email address under your handle, an invitation should have been sent out.

      An email to registration(at)reason.com has been clearing this up for a few of the others in your situation.

      1. I didn’t use my email when posting before, so probably not. Someone besides me occasionally posted as Devil’s Advocate; I assume he or she nabbed it. It’s a good name.

    4. I hope it’s serving its purpose in smiting trolls.

      And then some. We’ve lost a couple loyal and beloved mates in the battle, but we shall soldier on.

      It’s all SugarFree’s fault, since he launched his coup for Moderator. People have just “disappeared.” He’s like our very own Pinochet.

      1. Lies like this one are why no one takes your candidacy seriously.

        1. Excuse me, good sir, but you threw shit on the wall first with your putrid Campaign of Smear.

          1. Proxy attacks. Pfft. Face me yourself, you craven lackwit!

            1. Are you Sicilian, by any chance?

              1. BTW, is my pony in the post?

                1. Sorry, but the dingos ate the first one. Another one is on the way!

      2. You idiots are still jabbering about elections? While you old women were electionerring, I seized power, like a true man of action. Let my reign of terror last a thousand generations.

        #WARMOD

    5. I hope it’s serving its purpose in smiting trolls.

      Kinda sorta.

    6. For anyone else who lost their handle and can’t get Hit & Run to restore it, I recommend using the old one, translated into Latin or Finnish.

      1. Hmm. I have to admit “Advocatus Diaboli” has a certain… ring to it.

        1. Diabolical Avocado, nature’s deadliest fruit.

          1. Diabolical Avocado, nature’s deadliest fruit.

            Only if you’re a cat.

            Now that I think about it, this explains a good many things, Mr. Poofykins.

        2. Take it as your alternative handle, for issuing particularly epic snark.

      2. This man knows handles. Trust him.

  30. A second look at a Martian soil sample collected by Viking 1 in 1976 has one scientist today “99% sure there’s life there”.

    We should trade them a giant diamond for half of the planet.

    1. That, or a glass of water.

  31. http://news.investors.com/arti…..igning.htm

    This is the scariest picture of Obama I have ever seen.

    1. It’s begging for a baby to be shopped in.

      1. Nah, needz maor LOLcatz.

        “I CAN HAZ PRESIDENT?”

    2. Looks like he calling up the most foul beast from the pit. Damn forget the baby, ‘Shop in a copy of the Necronomicon. If you insist on a baby, make it a baby Cthulhu.

  32. A second look at a Martian soil sample collected by Viking 1 in 1976 has one scientist today “99% sure there’s life there”.

    As the Martians tunnel ever deeper into the planet trying to escape notice. I’m sure the last thing they want is a bunch of humans coming to visit.

  33. A “mechanical apology?” Are we using robots to apologize to people now? While that’s amazingly cooler than I though our government could be, I still have to side with the Indians here–protocol demands a biological construct of some sort to issue the apology.

    1. They converted a few of the now disused robosigning machines they bought cheap from Citibank.

    2. Hmmm. ApologyBots. Does Jay Carney know about this?

      1. Apolodroid? means never having to say you’re sorry.

        1. I want one that comes with more than just the three standard preprogrammed apologies. How much more is it per additional apology?

          1. You have two options. You can buy the Annual Customized Apology Plan, which allows you to contact Customer Service to work out a custom apology, downloadable to your Apolodroid? via the Internet. Customized apologies will be delivered within 24 hours of your request.

            The other option is to join the group beta-testing the new advanced model, which has the ability to craft apologies on the spot. It follow the Three Laws of Apologetics:

            1. An Apolodroid? may not insult a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being’s feeling to be hurt.
            2. An Apolodroid? must obey the programming given to it by Miss Manners, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
            3. An Apolodroid? must protect its own reputation as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

            1. It was sounding good right up until that 3 rules part. You can keep your worthless Apolodroid?.

              1. Ah, I see you’re a man of discriminating tastes. Might I interest you in our Contumeliabot? series? They deliver insults, rather than apologies.

      2. What proof do we have that Carney isn’t a beta release? I mean, he’s bad enough at it he might be an alpha release apology replicant.

        1. They did the best that they could. Lying douchebag is only a couple of development generations past the prototype. They still haven’t perfected the sincerity code.

        2. Jay Carney is Decker????????? I know Carney has no eyebrows, but this?!

          1. Replicants are programmed for a 4 year lifespan. All of Carney’s apologies will be gone, like tears in rain.

          2. I think we can say with authority that he has seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

            Batty 2012!

        3. Does he ever actually apologize for anything though?

  34. I hope there is not life there. IF there is, two hundred years from now when we finally start terraforming the place, environmentalists will be filing lawsuits to save the alien bugs.

    1. Sorry, I’m pro-life. I hope there is Martian life. Because that would be cool. Especially if they’re living underground, locked in permanent virtual reality gaming.

      1. We’ll crush them the way their ancestors crushed the dinosaurs.

        1. With their kinetic weapon attacks? Bastards!

          1. Exactly. They even destroyed one of Saturn’s moons just to make the ammo.

            1. And tested it on the planet between Mars and Jupiter.

              1. Good thing for us they realized they should set it to “stun” after that test.

    2. I hope their is life, just because that woudl be cool. But I think that the guy that wants to see microbes under a microscope before coming to any conclusions has the right idea.

    3. I look forward to the inevitable Martian porn industry.

  35. Nonsense John. Planned Parenthood will claim Mars is a giant uterus. Terraforming is saved!

  36. Triskadekaphobia — just for today.

    1. Feh, what poppycock!

    2. That’s complete bullshi- OW! MY BALLS!!

    3. Triskadekaphobia is just the fear of the number 13. There’s a different fancy word for fear of Friday the Thirteenth, but I forget what it is.

  37. So now I have to respect the mayor of Newark? Fuck.

    1. He certainly is a breath of fresh air after twenty years of Sharpe James.

  38. Why are some messages highlighted in a faint pinkish color?

    1. they’re the latest ones – refresh and they’ll fade

    2. Messages are highlighted? I guess that’s what happens when you run NoScript.

  39. http://www.blogger.com/comment…..3447959914

    Ann Althouse thinks Rosingate as she is calling it is the turning point of the campaign.

    1. Turning point toward what? Even more insufferably smug demonizing of his opponents by Obama?

      1. Turning point as the day Obama’s shtick started to get really old.

        1. Rosen killed Audiogalaxy, and for that alone she must be destroyed.

          1. When this first broke I misread the name and thought it was Hanna Rosin of Slate fame. I was really happy at the thought of her going down. Then I realized it was Hillary Rosin of paid recording industry hack fame and it was like Christmas all over again.

  40. How come no Trayvon link this morning? What gives? We need to discuss what Zimmerman bought in the prison commissary.

  41. Sandworm on Belgian beach

    The comments made me lol. Dont see many Dune/Simpsons mashup comments.

    1. Carved with a crysknife?

      Dune. Belgium. Waffle country.

      1. The beer must flow.

        1. Dang it:

          The spiced beer must flow.

          I hate it when you think of a slightly better joke just after hitting submit.

  42. I tyhink life on MArs would be a total blast!

    http://www.Get-Privacy.tk

    1. and this is why I am so fond of you, anon-bot

    2. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TIGGYFOOO?????

  43. teh stupidz is strong with this one

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..rgery.html

    1. Hey, now! She paid a lot of money to tell people she’s stupid in such a creative way.

      1. I would not have turned down that case. A bird in the hand…

      2. Wait until she unveils her vajazzle.

    2. If that tattoo artist’s face doesn’t just scream “personality disorder” I don’t know what would.

  44. Random Bakunin quote:

    I bow before the authority of special men because it is imposed upon me by my own reason. I am conscious of my inability to grasp, in all its details and positive developments, any very large portion of human knowledge. The greatest intelligence would not be equal to a comprehension of the whole. Thence results, for science as well as for industry, the necessity of the division and association of labor. I receive and I give ? such is human life. Each directs and is directed in his turn. Therefore there is no fixed and constant authority, but a continual exchange of mutual, temporary, and, above all, voluntary authority and subordination.

  45. From Twitter:

    radleybalko ? @radleybalko
    Thanks to everyone who sent the link. But no, I won’t be listening to audio of a New Mexico police officer masturbating in his squad car.

    1. he’ll be too busy watching the video!

    2. I think more po-pos should jack it on duty. It might mellow them out a little bit.

  46. Funny collision on my Facebook account yesterday. One of my uber-liberal, “government needs to take care of people” friends was lamenting how much tax he owes to his state, while at the same time my cousin, who lives in the same state as uber-liberal, was talking about how she and her hubby pay $0 in taxes and actually get $5k in refunds (in other words, like many people, they make money from the taxpayers).

    I had to stop myself from saying “Gee, I wonder why your state taxes are so high, uber-liberal friend!”

    I just settled for some silent schadenfreude.

    1. You have more self control than I would. You should have said something like “see Dave, you pay taxes so Dan and his wife can get free money. Doesn’t that make you feel better about doing your part now?”

    2. I just connected with an old friend from high school on facebook.

      Utter shock – this sensible lawyer who was always very level headed had status update after status update that were devoted to Obama or reposts of Moveon.org shit.

      I sat there mouth agape for a good 2 minutes scrolling through her wall.

      1. I’ve blocked more than a few people because of political posts. It gets tiresome, especially for something that is supposed to be a “social” site.

        1. I do the same. I wish Facebook would have a keyword blocking function, though, because I do want to see their everyday life posts. If someone gets sick or has a death in the family or something, I do want to know about it, but with their posts hidden because of political bullshit, I miss out on it.

        2. I would love to do the same with your incessant Republican spam in the morning links.

    3. I just settled for some silent schadenfreude.

      My daily doses of Silent Schadenfreude have become a replacement for coffee.

      I live in Maryland, so it’s a bit too easy to tweak my ultra-liberal friends, but yeah. “Wait, I am pretty sure… who did you say you voted for again? And who are you planning on voting for again? Obama? Ohhhhh.”

      1. Yeah, they never quite connect the dots, do they?

        1. I’m convinced it’s willful amnesia and too emotionally invested to turn back now. A variation of “Battered Spouse Syndrome.”

          1. Ahyep. “But Gov. Muscles gave us gay marriage and windmills! What’s that? A billion dollar deficit? The rich just aren’t paying their fair share.”

          2. I think you are right. In the 00s they bought into a brand. The blue brand was a way for them to feel smart and better and more tolerant than all of those evil red branders. So to back away from the brand means to admit that maybe they are not so superior. And that is a really hard thing to do.

            1. Living and working in the DC area and the arts, it’s beyond amusing to see the autonomic sneer appear on their face, when someone mentions republicans.

              1. I’ve had friends who believed the political leanings of DC and environs changed with each administration. So when Boosh was in power, they really believed the actual residents of the city of DC were all Republicans. Maybe someday, when I get the fuck out of here, I can recapture that naivete.

      2. I live in Maryland too. And my neighbors are generally mild and harmless liberals. They all work high paying dogooder jobs. And it isn’t so much that they hate conservatives or Libertarians. It is that they can’t imagine there could be such a thing.

        To connect the dots JW, you have to leave the bubble.

        1. And my neighbors are generally mild and harmless liberals.

          Same here. Then I remind myself how they love to send the goon squads to people’s homes for failure to participate satisfactorily in the collective.

          They may be mild, but they aren’t harmless.

        2. Most Marylanders (at least around here) honestly believe that Obama has the election all sewn up and that we shall sally forth into the new progressive future come November. There’s no question in their mind whatsoever that there could even be a viable alternative to someone with a a Team Blue prefix to their name. It wouldn’t matter if it was Obama or not, as long as it was Team Blue. It’s really unsettling to me to see this phenomenon. It’s like seeing 5 million people marching in lockstep.

          1. Try living in James P. Moran’s district. Fuckin-a.

            1. I feel your pain. I grew up there, and have friends still there. I would lose my mind if I had to live there again.

          2. It is very unsettling. But I have running bets, with odds, with three of my neighbors concerning Obama’s re-election. They are such a bunch of rubes. They all went three to one on Obama winning. I took that action in a minute. If Obama loses, I am going to be able to restock my liquor cabinet with three bottles of good scotch from one, three bottles bourbon from another, and three bottles of Bordeaux from the the third.

    4. Even if my cousin hadn’t showed up with her welfare queen B.S., it still irks me that this guy thinks that government needs to take care of everybody, yet bitches about how much he owes the state. Fuck, man, how do you think those bureaucrats get paid? Fucking beanstalk?

    1. Italy’s culture ministry said the men had no permits

      This made me laugh.

    2. Real Centurions would have dispatched those policemen without batting an eye immediately and gotten back to their hawking.

    3. To be fair, Centurions have been out of work for over 1,500 years.

      1. Centurions are rent seekers?

        1. Redditus est etiam damnant princeps.

    1. Yo. Stringing barbed wire and care and feeding of AKs are part of my skillset.

      1. Plus: target practice on the high seas!

    2. I’m mechanically inclined, so yeah, sign me up.

    3. Would love to but i’m investing elsewhere

      1. You might want a hedge…

    4. The rust on those AKs makes me think of some good ad slogans. Hit and Run Marine Security: we don’t let our weapons corrode!

  47. OT: my crappy synth music is available for free
    http://projectcommunique.bandc…..communique

    Today, I’m also expecting to add a DSI Mopho, an all analogue synth. I’m really looking forward to playing with this beast.
    http://www.davesmithinstrument….._video.php

  48. Ron Paul’s next ad should be a take off of Monty Python’s “Upperclass Twit of the Year” skit, except have Romney, Obama, Newt, and other Washington leeches as the contestants.

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