Polar Bear Decline Somewhat Exaggerated

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Still hanging in there

Good news about polar bears—there are more than many enviromental lobbyist thought. Back in 2008, the Department of Interior listed polar bears as a "threatened" species. The best available science suggested that global warming is causing a loss of sea ice which according to ScienceDaily

….threatens and will likely continue to threaten polar bear habitat.  This loss of habitat puts polar bears at risk of becoming endangered in the foreseeable future, the standard established by the ESA for designating a threatened species. 

News stories report now that in a new survey of polar bears around Hudson Bay, a population which is thought to be especially threatened by higher temperatures because they are at the southern end of the species' range, researchers have found more bears than their models predicted: 

An aerial survey done in August by the Nunavut government, in response to pressure from Inuit, estimated the western Hudson Bay bear population at around 1,000.

That's about the same number of bears found in a more detailed study done in 2004. That study, which physically tagged the bears, predicted the number would decline to about 650 by 2011.

Last year's survey found fewer cubs — about 50 — than in previous years, but officials say the new figures show the "doom-and-gloom" predictions of environmentalists about the demise of the polar bear have failed to come true.

"People have tried to use the polar bear as a bit of a poster child — it's a beautiful animal and it grabs the attention of the public — to make people aware of the impact of climate change," said Drikus Gissing, Nunavut's director of wildlife management.

"We are not observing these impacts right at this moment in time. And it is not a crisis situation as a lot of people would like the world to believe it is."  …

"The population was continually harvested since 2004," he said. "A lot of animals have been removed from that population … so that should have resulted in a much steeper decline than the one that was predicted in 2004."

In order to "balance out" the good news with gloom, an enterprising reporter need only turn to an environmental lobbyist: 

Peter Ewins, director of species conservation at World Wildlife Fund Canada, said there are other signs the polar bear population is suffering due to climate change.

Hudson Bay polar bears have lost about six weeks of hunting time on the winter ice due to climate change because the freeze often doesn't come until late November and the ice thaws earlier in the spring. With less time to hunt seals, Ewins said he has seen the deteriorating condition of the bears first-hand on many research trips to the North.

When the survival rate of polar bears, the health and number of cubs and their fat score are considered, Ewins said, everything points to a population in trouble.

It turns out that polar bears do not stand on the shore starving as they forlornly look at retreating sea ice, they adapt. Instead of hunting seals, they hunt goose eggs.

But remember folks, environmentalists are never wrong; doomsday always has merely been postponed. 

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95 responses to “Polar Bear Decline Somewhat Exaggerated

  1. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can’t do that he’s a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.

    1. When a male polar bear and a human are face to face, there occurs a brief kind of magic: an intense, visceral connection between man and beast whose poignancy and import cannot be expressed in mere words. Then he rips your arms off.

  2. Ewins said he has seen the deteriorating condition of the bears first-hand on many research trips to the North

    I done seen it with my own two eyes! Oh, physical evidence? I…uh…lost it. In a volcano.

    1. You don’t live near a volcano, Simon.

    2. So, they need to fatten up for the cold after the freeze but the freeze is shorter so disaster?

  3. Last year’s survey found fewer cubs ? about 50 ? than in previous years, but officials say the new figures show the “doom-and-gloom” predictions of environmentalists about the demise of the polar bear have failed to come true.

    Denier! This polar bear Holocaust must end at all cost!

    1. The Trail of Meltdrips? Or is this the Polar Bear Gambol Lockdown?

      1. I like that Gambol thing. Can we use it without Lockdown?

        1. All I got is a pair of 9s.

          1. That’s what happened to Bootsie. All they found was a $20 bill and a pair of Adidas…

  4. If they really wanted to generate sympathy for global warming via animals, they’d use pandas.

    My fiancee would eat that shit up.

      1. Tropic Thunder was on the other night and Ben Stiller had to take a panda out.

  5. But remember folks, environmentalists are never wrong; doomsday always has merely been postponed.

    That is so true. Never, ever FUCKING admit your prediction was full of shit – just slough the date off.

    Zealotry – why does it work?

    1. just slough the date off

      Or invent new data.

      1. Or take a page from Obama/Bush’s book and point out how things could have been without our intervention. Economy would have completly collapsed without the stimulus. Polar bears would be fat, happy, and have a population explosion if the darn global warming wasn’t holding them back.

    2. I don’t know, ask Harold Camping

      1. You know that is the real beauty of it. These smug eco-catastrophe types will laugh at Camping not realizing they are all but identical.

  6. a new survey of polar bears around Hudson Bay

    Wow, Reason-Rupe is really branching out.

  7. “Ok fine. Take the picture. Then toss me a fucking rope. This shit is cold!”

    1. “And after that, I’m going to open you like a bag of chips and gorge on your innards. Sorry, I’m a polar bear.”

  8. but officials say the new figures show the “doom-and-gloom” predictions of environmentalists about the demise of the polar bear have failed to come true.

    You don’t say. This is unprecedented.

  9. Obviously global warming is destroying the goose population.

    1. Yeah, cuz them geese are bein chased around by them ganders!

    2. If they are Canada geese, I’m OK with a reduction in their population. Those things are nasty and there are tons of them, shitting on everything.

      1. Just get a shotgun and harvest them when nobody is looking. I bet they would taste nice for Sunday dinner.

        1. They aren’t bad. Not as good as duck.

      2. How many friggin goose eggs does it take to match a seal meal? Like 500?

  10. A polar bear walks into a bar and orders a bear. The bartender says “We don’t serve polar bears here”.
    The bear says “Oh yeah, if you don’t serve me a beer I’ll eat that woman over there.”
    Bartender shrugs.
    So the polar bear goes to the end of the bar, tears the woman limb from limb, and chows down.
    He repeats his request for a beer.
    The bartender replies “I told you we don’t serve polar bears, least of all polar bears that do drugs.”
    Polar bear asks “What drugs?”
    Bartender replies “What about that bar bitch you ate?”

    1. orders a beer

      Proofreading, how does it work?

      1. What kind of bear did he order? I heard he has a thing for black bears.

        1. A Panda. He’s into blond Asians with big tits.

          1. what kind of kinky bar is this?

            1. I’m not sure, I came in here looking for beavers.

    2. I only wish that joke had given me cancer.

      1. I’ve heard better jokes from extras in Godzilla movies.

        1. That joke was so bad it made the Pope facepalm.

          1. I’ve seen plagues that had better opening nights than sarcasmic.

            1. Steve Martin wouldn’t steal that joke.

              1. Yes, but Carlos Mencia would.

                1. Who do you think sarcasmic stole it from?

        2. Speaking of which, what happened to gojira/Jim. Does he have a new handle? Something better to do?

      1. A penguin is driving down the highway in the Arizona desert, and his car breaks down.
        He calls for a tow, and the mechanic points out that there’s a truck stop complete with a walk in cooler across the road where he can stay cool.
        In the cooler he’s chowing on a vanilla cone when the mechanic shows up and says “I think you blew a seal”
        The penguin says “It’s just ice cream, I swear!”

      2. A baby seal walks into a club…

    3. Look at that S car go!

    4. Is that even a joke? I have to say, I don’t get it.

      1. Oh, OK, now I get it.

        Had to read that one out loud.

        1. A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer.
          Bartender says “We don’t serve string here”.
          So the string leaves, goes around the corner, rubs his end real good and twists himself up.
          He comes back into the bar and orders a beer.
          Bartender says “Aren’t you that string I just told to leave?”
          The string says “No. I’m a frayed knot.”

          1. Puns are the lowest form of humor.

            1. I thought sarcasm was the lowest form of humor.

              Q:How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

              A:Two. But nobody knows how they get in there.

              1. Sarcasm can illuminate an argument, turn it on it’s head, provide a new perspective.

                Puns are good for a one-off guffaw, then decline sharply into inhilarity faster than any other form of humor.

                1. “The theory here is that sticking large needles into your body will help you relax?”

                  “It sounds silly when you say it.”

                  “Sometime sarcasm can help us think more clearly.”

            2. Or rather the highest. Benjamin Franklin punned, “We must all hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

              1. wait, how is that a pun?

                1. Puns can use multiple meaning of the same word, as well as substitution of similar-sounding words, Emmerson.

                  1. penis + potato + ocean liner = dictatorship

                    1. cat’s back-end hanging mounted on a wall = catastrophe

                    2. A pirate walks into a bar and sits down.
                      The bartender looks him over and says “Why is your ship’s wheel hanging from your belt buckle? That must be painful.”
                      The pirate replies “Arr, it’s drivin me nuts.”

                    3. “penis + potato + ocean liner = dictatorship”

                      So THAT’S why the Titanic sank, it must have been the worst of them all.

            3. People always fear what they don’t understand.

              1. Big lizard in my backyard
                Can’t afford to feed him anymore
                Big lizard in my backyard
                Bustin’ down my neighbour’s door

                I bought a big lizard
                Only a dollar fifty
                Well, that’s pretty neat
                Yeah it’s fuckin’ nifty
                But I just can’t afford to feed it
                And you should see the way it shits

                1. Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?

                  A: It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come when you call anyway.

                2. sarcasmic|4.5.12 @ 3:27PM|#
                  Big lizard in my backyard

                  Ahh, Dead Milkmen. I was fond of ‘Bitchin’ Camaro’ as well.

                  The 80s, how did they work?

          2. I liked that joke when I was 6.

            1. A woman throws a muffin pan in the oven to bake. After about 5 minutes in the over, just as they’re starting to rise, one of the muffins says “Damn, it’s getting hot in here!” Then, the muffin right next to it exclaims “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”

    5. A baby seal walks into a club…

      1. …So I was asking this horse, “Hey, why the long face?”

    6. bar bitch you ate

      Barbituate. Nice. It actually took me a few reads to get it. I’m stupid.

      1. don’t worry, I think that we’re the only ones brave enough to admit it.

        1. I reread it and sounded it out in my head after your post above.

          Then I got it.

  11. Just as long as the polar bears still know we are the top of the food chain.

  12. Back in 2008, the Department of Interior listed polar bears as a “threatened” species.

    That was just a typo. It was supposed to say “threatening” species.

  13. So, it looks like the Hudson Bay polar bear population is about 50% higher than it was projected to be, in spite of continued hunting.

    When the survival rate of polar bears, the health and number of cubs and their fat score are considered, Ewins said, everything points to a population in trouble.

    I’m guessing the hunting may have something to do with the survival rate.

  14. It turns out that polar bears do not stand on the shore starving as they forlornly look at retreating sea ice, they adapt. Instead of hunting seals, they hunt goose eggs.

    If only they developed a taste for Hippy.

    I am normally not someone into snuff films, but i would love to see a, “When Animals Attack: Environmentalst Edition!”

    Being eaten alive by wild animals really isn’t cool at all, and I had nightmares over that 1980s “Faces of Death” video that showed the fat redneck cop being torn up by a ‘gator… but man, what I wouldn’t give to see the ‘Direct Action Team’ from Greenpeace’s “Rainbow Warrior” vessel (you know, the guys in zodiacs who try and play chicken with whale hunting ships, hang banners on oil rigs, etc?)… see their little rubber boat flipped over by some ungrateful Shamu who proceeds to tear them up one by one. Whales may have no sense of irony, but it would still work.

    1. You could try this.

      1. Too long and melodramatic. I thinking more like “bear-eating hippy”-porn. Just give me the money shot!

      2. That movie sucked. You didn’t even get to hear that asshole getting eaten.
        But it is a good representation of a lot of environmentalists: doing completely the wrong things for well intentioned reasons.

  15. Obviously this proves that the Priuses are working.

    1. Not since they can’t drive in the carpool lane anymore.

  16. the hudson bay bears adapted to garbage long ago. >swing n a miss…in honor of opening day! go tribe n cubbies (nuck nuck)

    1. ^^But remember folks, environmentalists are never wrong; doomsday always has merely been postponed.

      1. ^^moar stinky garbage so watch-out for Da Bears

    2. So they need less landfill space. Kills two bird with one stone.

    3. A Cubs fan dies and goes to heaven. God says, “You have been good and faithful and longsuffering. You may ask me one question you’ve always wanted to ask.”

      The Cubs fan thinks for a second and says, “Will the Cubs ever win a World Series again?”

      God says, “Yes. But not in my lifetime.”

  17. Polar bears are global warming deniers? How did that happen?

    Those fucking tophat-wearing monocle-sporting libertarians musta got to them!

  18. Fuck polar bears.

    1. Somebody’s famous last words?

  19. The science was exaggerated? Color me shocked and dismayed.

  20. …researchers have found more bears than their models predicted:

    Shocker!

  21. So I really don’t see how the polar bears could possibly be dying out. I’m no scientist, but I think that if the polar bears were that allergic to temperature changes they simply wouldn’t exist at all anymore, having died out long ago from a several year stretch of unnatural warmness.

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