TSA Craigslist Ad Seeks Screener for "Imperious Security Team"

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There's a job posting on the Ann Arbor Craigslist that appears to have been submitted by the TSA. The text reads as follows: 

See the individual you are in a vital position for our security firm where you implement security-screening procedures that counter deadly or dangerous objects from being smuggled onto an aircraft. Be part of a imperious security team protecting airports and skies as you proudly establish your future.

Jalopnik, which posted about the ad this morning, notes that the word "imperious" means "domineering in a haughty manner; dictatorial; overbearing." Also: "assuming authority without justification."

That seems to fit the bill, though it's probably unintentional. The posting also advertises an hourly wage of $17 per. If TSA employees get paid for their vacation time (of course they do), that comes out to a little more than $35k a year. Is that a lot of money? TSA screeners certainly don't think so. A Government Accountability Office report released last week says that TSA screeners are the least happy of all government employees, in part because of pay: 

For the 2011 FEVS, TSA benchmarked its results against CBP results, as well as against DHS and governmentwide results. When comparing CBP and TSA scores, TSA found that the greatest differences in scores were on questions related to satisfaction with pay and with whether performance appraisals were a fair reflection of performance. TSA scored 40 percentage points lower on pay satisfaction and 25 percentage points lower on performance appraisal satisfaction. In comparing TSA results to DHS and governmentwide results, TSA found that TSA was below the averages for all FEVS dimensions. TSA also evaluated FEVS results across employee groups by comparing dimension scores for headquarters staff, the Federal Air Marshals, Federal Security Director staff, and the screening workforce. TSA found that the screening workforce scored at or below scores for all other groups across all of the dimensions

Perhaps the privilege of working for an "imperious security team" is a benefit? Sort of like being able to do the TSA Pokey Pokey:

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  1. “I’ve been waiting for you, Obi-wan. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.”

    “Just check my shoes and bag, asshole.”

    1. OT: Supreme court rules strip searches legal for something or other.

    2. “Just check my shoes and bag, and ma asshole.”

      1. Hey your preferneces are your business.

        1. you just fingered yourself for additional screening, I needs to check ya asssshole.

  2. The ad is obviously a joke. The airport in Ann Arbor is too small for the TSA to operate there.

    1. No airport is too small for the TSA.

      1. No bus station will be too small, nor train station, nor highway.

        I suppose they could solve unemployment be requiring a TSA screener stand outside everyone’s front door to check for terrorist devices going into and out of homes.

        1. And they’ll give them a catchy title, like VIPER, or something. Nah, that’s just too ridiculous.

      2. Size doesn’t matter to the TSA.

        Despite the inuendo, the real question is whether the airport handles international flights.

        Also, the government advertises positions on USAJOBS, not on craigslist.

        Also, TSA screeners are selected by competitive civil service exam, not emailing your junk through craigslist.

        1. Sometimes they use USAJOBS. Sometimes they use pizza boxes.

          And every airport in the country that runs commercial flights, domestic or international, uses TSA unless they’re allowed to opt out (and then they still have to use TSA methods and rules). From tiny regional airports with 6 commercial flights a day on up.

  3. “Imperious” will always make me think of Battlestar Galactica.

    1. By your command.

  4. Proudly establish your future ??? Exactly what career path is there for somebody who looks at x-rays of baggage the whole day ?

      1. koman brest-cancer screener?

        1. No no o3, you should have said Planned Parenthood breast cancer screener. Much better punch line.

    1. Some day you might become the guy who stands around while other people look at x-rays of baggage all day.

  5. Sounds as if someone in the TSA is a Spaceballs fan.

    “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?”

  6. “domineering in a haughty manner; dictatorial; overbearing.”

    If they manage to replace haughty with jaunty they could gain some traction.

    1. Or just switch to leather uniforms.

        1. “You are gonna know when the bullet hits the bone…”

  7. Where do I sign?

  8. ‘When comparing CBP and TSA scores, TSA found that the greatest differences in scores were on questions related to satisfaction with pay and with whether performance appraisals were a fair reflection of performance. ‘

    Can’t say I’m surprised. They have to molest people for 35K a year. I’m sure that there are some that would do it free, but most are probably disgusted with it.

    As for whether appraisals are a fair reflection of performance: no doubt they are told that you must molest children as part of your job and when a video of one of them doing it goes online, they are the ones that get in trouble over it rather than Molester-in-Chief Pistole.

    1. A bargain at the price! I wouldn’t pay a penny more for my imperious groping!

    2. Reading what their hourly wage is got me madder than i’ve been in weeks. $17 per hour!?! Thats $7.94 more than I make, and guess what? I ACTUALLY FUCKING CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING TO SOCIETY! God damn I want to punch something (in a blue uniform with an unwarranted sense of authority.)

      1. I ACTUALLY FUCKING CONTRIBUTE SOMETHING TO SOCIETY!

        And We at the IRS would like to thank you for your contri…..pftthbpBWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

        Couldn’t finish without falling down laughing.

  9. Obviously just a typo.

    For “Imperial”. Truth in advertising, yo.

  10. The first sentence quoted above from the ad should be taken out behind the woodshed and beaten mercilessly.

  11. Is that a lot of money? TSA screeners certainly don’t think so.

    Do not forget, they also get to keep whatever they steal from luggage.

  12. Obviously a spoof. Nobody in government is that honest.

  13. Impervious?

    1. Impersonal?

      1. Impresario?

        1. Impertinent?

          1. Impractical?

            1. Impresario?

              1. I didn’t know we could re-use words.

    2. Impenitent, implacable, and imcompetent.

  14. Tell the administration to withhold funding from TSA until they respect the Constitution and the public:

    http://wh.gov/RPx

    1. Remove and destroy all imaging machines that potentially can “see” under our clothing.
    2. Cease and desist all invasive patdowns that involve touching genitalia unless there is probable cause to

    believe that the individual has committed a crime.
    3. Cease immediately harassment of people who assert their constitutional rights during airport screening.

    http://wh.gov/RPx

    Thanks for signing.

    1. Yeah, that will work!

  15. Seems like decent pay for a rent-a-cop security job. Which is all they were before TSA took over.

    1. Not true. Some were merely run-of-the-mill perverts.

      1. How dare you besmirch the name of honest, hard-working perverts everywhere by comparing them to the TSA!

        1. Yeah, the rest of us use the male gaze to uphold the Patriarchy. These assholes do it for dirty, filthy lucre!

    2. actually, if you can do a good job at being a rent-a-cop (ie: not sleeping at your post, showing up for your shift, etc), you can make even more.

  16. I’m assuming the boss said something like “peerless” and somebody mangled the word until spellcheck decided they meant to say “imperious.”

    1. Doing a search finds many “dynamic” but not one peerless.

      Be part of a dynamic security group protecting airports and skies as you proudly insure your independence.

      (Proudly insure your independence as you treat the subjects of the regime like the sheep they are.)

  17. Is the TSA on our Enemies List?

    1. nope we likes sum fatrollz!

  18. I expect that withing my lifetime, random TSA checkpoints will replace random DUI checkpoins on public thoroughfares.

    The feds will claim the right to stop anyone, anywhere, for any reason to “protect” us from terrorists right here in River City.

    1. The Child Molester Union will be pleasd.

  19. “TSA screeners are the least happy of all government employees, in part because of pay:”
    Good. Fuck them.

    1. If only we could kill them.

  20. here are some more

    Omaha:

    http://omahajobsfinder.com/job…..-omaha-at/

    Hartford:

    http://hartford.craigslist.org/sec/2864654884.html

    In Minneapolis and other places.

  21. Tell the administration to withhold funding from TSA until they respect the Constitution and the public:

    http://wh.gov/RPx

    1. Remove and destroy all imaging machines that potentially can “see” under our clothing.
    2. Cease and desist all invasive patdowns that involve touching genitalia unless there is probable cause to believe that the individual has committed a crime.
    3. Cease immediately harassment of people who assert their constitutional rights during airport screening.

    http://wh.gov/RPx

    Thanks for signing.

  22. A Government Accountability Office report released last week says that TSA screeners are the least happy of all government employees

    But not, unfortunately, because they are unrelentingly spit on and pelted with rotten fruit by everyone in the airports.

  23. I expect that withing my lifetime, random TSA checkpoints will replace random DUI checkpoins on public thoroughfares.

    If you mean random stops by some goose-stepping hick from .the Iowa State Patrol, in which you are forced to present your identification papers, submit to interrogation and *prove* you’re not guilty of something? They’re already here.

    FUCK YOU IOWA. FUCK YOU B OBAMA. FUCK YOU JANET NAPOLITANO, FUCK YOU ANDY SCALIA, ET C, ET C.

  24. lol, the TSA is the biggest WASTE of an agency there is. Run and manned by complete morons.

    http://www.Surf-Tools.tk

  25. Black is beautiful

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