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Can You Tell Me How to Get to Sesame Street Pumpernickel Boulevard?

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Brian Sack, author of the excellent book The B.S. of A.: A Primer in Politics for the Incredibly Disenchanted and host of the sharp new GBTV offering of the same name, visits Pumpernickel Boulevard, a muppetlicious street that makes you want to say "Sesame."

Check it out by clicking above.

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  1. That’s some stupid shit.

  2. I haven’t watch Sesame Street in, well, ever. Do they message anywhere close to that heavy-handedly?

    Also, for my first Friday Funnies submission, I’m going to work up an “Occupy Sesame Street” kind of thing. The humor will rest primarily on the premise and go nowhere beyond. Probably include some labels.

    1. IIRC they were close to that heavy-handed 40 years ago. Haven’t watched since.

      (I was a kid, not a stoned college student, at the time.)

    2. I watched it when I was a kid. Apparently, some mix of it, Electric Company, and Captain Kangaroo makes you into a libertarian.

      1. God damn you’re retarded. It’s the combo of The Muppet Show and Romper Room that turns you into a libertarian. The combo you described turns you into a lawyer.

        Interesting note, related to Warty: it’s the combination of Mr. Magoo and Jabberjaw that turn you into a rapist. Did you know that Jerry Sandusky loved those shows?

        1. That Romper Room bitch never ONCE said my name.

          For me it was Mr. Dressup and Fred Penner. God, Canadian late 80’s/early 90’s kids TV was weird.

          1. Interestingly, the combo of The Great Space Coaster and 3-2-1 Contact turn you into a genius, but you have to have seen every single episode of The Bloodhound Gang to have it work.

            1. I think the Great Space Coaster is what turned you into a recreational drug enthusiast.

              You’d think Reading Rainbow would’ve turned me into a wuss or nerd or something but as you can see it actually has the opposite effect on its viewers and makes them awesome instead.

            2. I wish I were young enough to have been brought up on Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. I actually saw Space Ghost when he was considered serious television. You know, like high drama.

              1. Are you fucking trash talking Hanna-Barbera? Captain Caveman will smite you!

                1. No way–I love their work.

                2. Captain Caveman will smite you!

                  I never liked that show. I think I had premonitions about STEVE SMITH.

                  1. You’re clearly much more of a Herculoid.

          2. speaking of ‘Bitch’, IIRC, at one point there was a fairly hot blonde gal with a big rack as a regular on Sesame Street. I had thoughts of taking her behind Oscar’s trash can…

        2. No, idiot. It was Thundercats.

          1. Thundercats just makes you really, really like kitties. And also turns you, apparently, into whatever sort of beastman you are.

            1. That makes sense. Also, I think hearing We Built This City all the time on the radio had a profound effect on me.

              1. Wait, that should be quotes instead of italics, right? Fuck you, “Style Manual‘.

                1. “Jane.” “White Rabbit.” “We Built this City.”

                  How?

              2. Oh dear God, now I have been sucked into a Youtube vortex of Jefferson Starship. Here, take your part of the pain. This is all your fault.

                1. I once listened to one of their concerts from 1983 on the King Biscuit Flower Hour, back when they still had it on the radio. Oddly enough, it was a good concert.

                2. My sister had that fucking album and played it constantly. I have endured far worse than any of you, and am stronger and far more cruel for it.

                  1. There’s a female version of you? Gross.

                    …Is she hot?

                    1. Surviving to adulthood with that much continuous Episiarch-exposure would no doubt make her quick, strong, clever, and impervious to bad odors. Sounds like an ideal mate for you. Go for it, champ.

                    2. …Is she hot?

                      I did her, so hot enough.

                    3. Excellent. Have her bathed and brought before me.

                    4. Bathed? Is someone spoofing you?

                    5. I meant bathed in goat blood, you idiot. I didn’t think I’d need to spell it out. Moron.

                    6. What is that, Spartacus? That sounds familiar.

                    7. Yes, I AM SPARTACUS.

                    8. Say, that’s funny, because so am I!

        3. My brother was on Romper Room, so I should’ve included that in the mix. Otherwise, you’re a moram.

          Of course, since I’m a minarchist and you’re an anarchist, perhaps The Muppet Show is responsible for the difference? I watched it, but perhaps I was too old to be influenced by its Stimerist musings.

          1. Did you see how Kermit ran the vaudeville house? That place was like Somalia, for fuck’s sake. I loved it.

            1. It demonstrated the futility of centralized control, certainly.

              1. It also demonstrated that you should never date a pig.

            2. I’m pretty sure everyone here related most to Statler and Waldorf. You know they checked their monocles and tophats at the coatcheck.

              1. It also taught me to never, ever let an ambulance take me to Veterinarian’s Hospital even if it’s the closest one.

        4. Oh, crap, I left out Mr. Rogers. That’s the key. He made paternalistic statism so damned comforting that I couldn’t let go of the state.

          1. Did Superfriends turn its viewers into nanny statists?

            1. Oh, sure. I thought the show was gay (literally), so I didn’t watch it. My brother did, but he was saved from statism by having a libertarian fascist for an older brother.

              1. Another line of demarcation is the original freedom-loving Scooby-Doo and the statist Scrappy-Doo.

                1. Note how Scrappy constantly interferes in the business of other, whereas Scooby and Shaggy prefer to leave people alone and to be left alone. Also, Scrappy’s aggressiveness and willingness to use force against others.

                2. I’ve heard Scrappy-Doo was Barrack Obama’s favorite show.

                  Actually, I didn’t hear it so much as make it up, because I want to to be true.

                  1. Oh, it’s true. Wait for Scrappy-Doo to come out with an Obama endorsement, the fucking Maoist.

                  2. If you said it out loud then you probably heard it so it is okay.

                  3. I heard it from someone on the Internet, so now you have two sources.

                  4. Holy crap! Scrappy-Doo was Obama’s favorite show? Wait till my facebook friends hear about this.

                    (Posting it on facebook makes it absolutely true right?)

          2. He totaly creeped me out.

          3. The Humble Libertarian said that “Rogers seems to me an exemplar of libertarian tolerance and compassion” and compared him to Ron Paul.

        5. You’re all morons. It was H.R. Pufnstuf alone that turned impressionable youth into non-impressionable libertarians.

          Fraggle Rock turned you into a Lyndon LaRouche supporter.

          1. That’s such bullshit. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters, sure, but H.R. Pufnstuf? No way.

            If we’re branching into Saturday morning, Bugs Bunny’s influence on libertarian thought cannot be overstated.

            1. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters? Holy shit, I don’t even know what that is. We can’t include things you made up in your pubescent mind.

              1. What? How could you not know that show? It starred Jody from Family Affair! Or maybe he was Mr. French? It’s so hard to remember anymore.

                1. Buffy! Jody! Sissy! Mr. French! Uncle Beeeeeeiiiil!

                  Family Affair was an amazing show. I loved their accents and how they seemed to spend upwards of 90% of their time just exclaiming each others’ names.

                  1. I watched the show as a kid. It was weird seeing Brian Keith in tough guy roles later on.

            2. Plus he got me to love classical music.

          2. You’re an idiot. Fraggle Rock has always been a recruiting tool for the Scientologists, and works surprisingly well; just look at Katie Holmes.

            Dumbass.

            1. Katie Holmes was abducted not recruited, Ace. Just look at her dull eyes; she’s been heavily medicated. Which just shows how hypocritical those people are.

              1. You’ll just buy anything that gets shoveled at you, won’t you, you gullible retard. The dull eyes are a direct result of also watching Snorks, as evidenced by NutraSweet’s blank stare.

                1. I don’t know half the shows you people are referencing. Quit making shit up just to fuck with me.

        6. Voyage of the Mimi for the WIN
          I used to stay home sick to watch that

          1. We watched Voyage of the Mimi in 7th grade science on Fridays. That show was hilarious, or at least we thought so.

          2. We watched Voyage of the Mimi in 7th grade science on Fridays. That show was hilarious, or at least we thought so.

      2. I wonder what effect Snorks had. Something about not respecting IP rights?

      3. Some mix of Sesame Street, Thundercats, GIJoe, and a daily screening of Ghostbusters made me the man I am today. For what that’s worth.

    3. The humor will rest primarily on the premise and go nowhere beyond. Probably include some labels.

      I’m still laughing at these two sentences, which leads me to believe you’ll have a hard time being unfunny enough for Friday Funnies’ exacting standards.

  3. GBTV = Glenn Beck TV. I was not aware of that before I clicked on the link. Eeewwww.

    1. My reaction as well. Darnit, I thought it was some clean, wholesome, All-American gay boys and transvestites!

  4. There are no 27 year old “anchor babies” who can’t speak English.

    1. Obviously you haven’t visited El Centro, California. They actually do exist.

      1. they can speak english but don’t have to.

      2. Living in South Florida there were enough people that had been in the country for years but couldn’t speak English.
        The ones that do speak English want the American dream.

        1. The statistics do not follow your claims. Also insert obvious statment that Cuban exiles are not “anchor babies” and obvious statment that moving here and being born here are not the same thing.

          1. I never said what country they came from.

          2. We have more then just Cubans down here.

            Going down to south Dade is like going into another country…

      3. Obviously you haven’t visited El Centro, California. They actually do exist.

        This has nothing to do with “anchor babies”. The residence there can trace their ancestry to fucking conquistadors and have resided there before there even was a USA to immigrate to.

        Are Cajuns also anchor babies now? Are Puerto Ricans anchor babies?

  5. Glenn Beck’s network? I’m afraid to click on the video; puppets having emotional breakdowns is not my thing

    1. Fuck off rather, and +1 for Banjos!

  6. Skipper Chuck Zink forever!

    1. Yeah!!

      Wonder how many here get this one!

  7. At least glenn beck is giving other viewpoints a chance… I heard him intro this on the radio and brian sack was like the only people who will like the bs of a are reason readers and then that asshole glenn was like I think reason is a little more far left… Hey glenn beck thank god I quit my fucking fusion subscription and got reason instead

    1. Excuse me?

  8. Strange coincidence!

    The sometime-puppeteering friend who I mentioned here…?

    https://reason.com/blog/2011/11…..tcontainer

    @ GILMORE|11.3.11 @ 6:38PM| …

    …thats him doing this show. Josh Cohen. I thought I recognized both the main puppet and the bear with the long hair… it took a second for me to recognize his voice.

    http://www.joshandtamra.com/

    I never thought I’d see his work featured here. That is kinda fucked up. BIG UP JOSH!! May the gigs keep coming bro.

  9. Plus nothing messed me up as much as “Today’s Special” did. I still have nightmares.

    1. Isn’t that the one with the dancing gay mannequin and the soulless mop security guard?

      You know that show was Canadian, right?

      1. It probably was. But it aired on the PBS feed.

        1. Yeah I remember it. I watched it on Nickelodeon back when they were scrambling for cheap content.

          The only thing more terrifying than actually watching that show is the certain knowledge that Warty has that puppet in his basement.

  10. GBTV seems to be sort of ‘the rights’ answer to Stewart and Colbert.

    Even in my conservative days I never though the right was any good at humor. Apparently not much has changed.

  11. I heard him intro this on the radio and brian sack was like the only people who will like the bs of a are reason readers and then that asshole glenn was like I think reason is a little more far left,I thought I recognized both the main puppet and the bear with the long hair… it took a second for me to recognize his voice.

  12. Of course, since I’m a minarchist and you’re an anarchist, perhaps The Muppet Show is responsible for the difference? I watched it, but perhaps I was too old to be influenced by its Stimerist musings.
    sn’t that the one with the dancing gay mannequin and the soulless mop security guard?

    1. I strangely find myself wanting to now purchase chinese-made heavy industrial machinery…

      Seriously, WTF. i thought the idea was that Chinese spammers sent out links to “cheap luxury handbags!!!” and shit like that…. not industrial mining equipment.

      I mean, hey, its possible somewhere here has their own personal *mining concern*, right? We are libertarians, after all… I own a few diamond mines in the congo, of course, but I prefer to have all my work done by juvenile minorities…. I mean, its just no fun if you can’t *exploit people* as well as strip the land of natural resources. These modern industrialists…. they just don’t seem to get it. They’re taking all the soul out of capitalism with their ‘productivity’ and ‘investment into safety and efficiency’.

      I need to go visit one of my sweatshops to cheer myself up.

  13. That was really terrible, un-funny, heavy-handed, amateur-hour garbage.

    Nick is funny. He understands wit. Why in the world would he post this?

    1. Red Team red meat? You’d be surprised at the number of Beck apologists who read this blog.

    2. does your girlfriend say you have a sour pussy?

  14. You’re all a bunch of losers. Howdy Doody prepared my generation to run the world. Cowabunga!!!

  15. We are libertarians, after all… I own a few diamond mines in the congo, of course, but I prefer to have all my work done by juvenile minorities…. I mean, its just no fun if you can’t *exploit people* as well as strip the land of natural resources. These modern industrialists…. they just don’t seem to get it. They’re taking all the soul out of capitalism with their ‘productivity’ and ‘investment into safety and efficiency’.

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