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The Vice Guide to Belfast, Featuring Michael ni Moynihan & The Least Adorable Little People Since Darby O'Gill

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Over the summer, former Reasoner Michael C. Moynihan traveled to Belfast to film the Vice Guide to Belfast, a four-part series of the epicenter of "the Troubles."

Click on the image to the right (that's Moynihan in the black zipper jacket) to see just what made the little Irish kids so happy. Hint: They're Prots and it's marching season!

Here's part of the writeup:

In Belfast, you either allow various factions to spin you in exchange for access or you return home with nothing—and every person, regardless of confessional affiliation, bombards you with his or her narrow version of "the truth." This is, of course, expected. But Catholics and Protestants appear to be working off the exact same script: We're second-class citizens who get stiffed by the politicians, the private sector, the shriveling welfare state, and our masters in London. All denounce the terrorist tactics of their enemies, while offering convoluted defenses of the terrorism perpetuated by their friends. When cameras and tape recorders are switched off, the balaclava falls and the discussions of "culture" and trampled rights make way for the more unambiguous denunciations of fucking taigs (Catholics) and fucking huns (Protestants).

Watch the whole series here. It's a disturbing and often darkly comic tour into the heart of a conflict that is neither as religious as commonly reported nor as intractable as commonly supposed. If like Moyhihan, me, 12 percent of Americans, and too many of the Reason staff if you ask me, you have some Irish in you, you'll thank yer Protestant or Catholic or Jewish god that your ancestors got the hell out of the Emerald Island when they did.

The results of Googling site:reason.com "northern Ireland."

NEXT: Reason Writers at the Movies: Peter Suderman Reviews The Ides of March in The Washington Times

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  1. Just listened to the episode of the Nerdist Podcast where Penn Jillette explains that chimpanzees freak out and get violent in the presence of little people.

    First off, how did I not know this? Secondly, why is there not a channel dedicated to this?

    1. They need to bring back Penn Radio, where Monkey Tuesday revealed such things to the world.

    2. Sounds like a show for TLC.

    3. He explained this in Penn Point, and also in the old Penn Says,I think. Look for his story about Extreme Elvis, too.

    4. His story about Teller trying to drown a paralyzed rabbit is priceless

  2. Ok, fine, Moynihan. I’ll take back all the nasty things I said about you. This is definitely cooler than working at Reason.

    1. would have been better if he was part of the vice guide to noko.

    2. would have been better if he was part of the vice guide to noko.

      1. I take it back. Watching Moynihan throw a molotov cocktail was pretty stunning.

  3. The focking-hell is going on in the bockgrond?!

  4. Nothing a potatoe famine couldn’t solve.

  5. Last time I was in Belfast was 16 years ago as a young tourist with my mom, brother, and some friends. We did a whole tour of Ireland thing.

    My family was asked “are you Catholic?” by the guides before we got off the bus. No kidding. It was weird. Yeah, we were (are? are you ever not even if you stop practicing?) but we were also Americans and not really involved in the religious factions that ostensibly define Irish politics.

    Belfast kicked ass. As did Dublin. And the rest of Ireland. I have been talking up the island to anyone who will listen for years, and I hope to take my husband and kids there one day (if the TSA disbands, or I can consume enough sedatives to not care about anal penetration).

    OK, so I was a tourist, and a young one, and likely not cued in to the troubles.

    And:

    We’re second-class citizens who get stiffed by the politicians, the private sector, the shriveling welfare state, and our masters in London. All denounce the terrorist tactics of their enemies, while offering convoluted defenses of the terrorism perpetuated by their friends.

    wasn’t this an episode of the Outer Limits where young people are given drugs to protect against infection, but it’s really a hallucinogen devised to make them see the “other” as the enemy?

    Are all human problems reducible to religion, or partisanism? Oh, if we just kept the priests out of gov’t we’d be Ok. OK.

    1. Are all human problems reducible to religion, or partisanism?

      Yup.

      Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Ani?mal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion, several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isnt straight.

    2. Western Ireland is gorgeous. Dublin looks like every other 500 year old European city.

      On the bright side, the Irish are the only people on the other side of the pond that know that scrambled eggs are not a form of soup.

  6. Ireland was nice. I’ve never been to n. Ireland but I imagine most of those Catholics and Protestants go to church as often as the rest of Europe, as in very little. It’s all about clan identity. Atleast team blue isn’t firebombing team red here yet.

    1. Atleast team blue isn’t firebombing team red here yet.

      We’re Americans. We have guns for that.

      http://www.foxnews.com/politic…..overnight/

  7. They were colonized by wankers. What are they complaining about?

  8. Protestant Northern Irelanders are “Scots-Irish”, they aren’t real Irish.

    And you can’t support the protestant NI’ers without supporting Israel, and vice-versa. They are both invaders with a specious claim to the lands the have occupied for multiple generations.

    Orangeman claims to second-classness are totally laughable, considering the police state and all of its jackbooted criminality (as bad as the US, if not worse) exists to serve only the protestant NIers.

    1. The Scots have been in Ireland longer than any white people have been in America.

      1. ^^
        This ++

      2. So whats your point?

        That its totally cool to jack other peoples’ shit, so long as “a lot” of time has passed?

        1. Absolutely. All of the Scots Irish that stole land from the natives should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. Hell, punish their children and grandchildren too. Only ten generations, though — that’s in their Bible.

          Assuming people had kids on average by around 25, then we’re looking at ~250 years from the Plantation of Ulster, which started in 1606 (the time of theft, for legal purposes). So, anyone born by 1856 or so should be punished for theft and sent to jail.

          1. Yeah because the plantations was a one-time only affair, that began and ended in 1606. Jackass.

            How about once they get out from the police-state corrupt skirts of their pimp daddy England, then your bullshit 250 year statute of limitations for these squatters can begin. They are still in the middle of committing their crime, red handed. They proudly advertise that fact, even.

            I wonder, what your opinion of South Africa would be circa 1990? Those whiteboys had been there for almost 350 years. Do you uphold their property rights, and by extension their right to run the place as they saw fit? Or how about slaves circa 1860? Since the transatlantic slave trade began in about 1620, that pretty much makes the original crime 250 years out of date, right?

            See where your dumbass logic takes you? The crime in Ireland is ongoing, just as the slavery crime was ongoing in the 1860s.

        2. The Derp is strong with this one.

      3. And they came to Scotland as invaders from Ireland.

      4. And they came to Scotland as invaders from Ireland.

        1. Do you even think? I mean really. So a portion of Irish (invaders of Scotland) leave for a thousand years. Then a portion of those come back, and rob the shit out of the majority of Irish (who had no part in invading Scotland), and you present it as a kind of justice?

          Your brother moves out of your house to go squat in somebody else’s house. Then he comes back years later, and forces you out of the house he had previously lived in by force of arms (and that you had been living in the whole time, since before he had moved out). Then some third party dumbass says to you “serves you right, for taking that other guys property”.

  9. Ah, the Irish. The other conflict besides Israel/Palestine that I neither give a shit about or want to hear about.

    At least our politicians don’t give one side a few billion dollars a year.

    1. At least our politicians don’t give one side a few billion dollars a year.

      Well, unless you count NATO.

  10. Some friends of the family are from Northern Ireland and their stories are pretty scary. Thugs bursting into their house in the middle of the night (from both sides, they’re Catholic) either to terrorize them or to demand use of their home. They didn’t particularly enjoy either, nor did they want their young sons drafted into the violence. They were very glad they were able to come to Canada.

    Fucking nice people, too. Father called Big Frankie and son called Wee Frankie (even into adulthood) by one and all.

    1. The IRA followed peacenik Catholics to Canada and killed them there.

  11. YOU WANKING AMERICANS DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS SHIT!

    WHY DO YOU FUCKING SCUM ALWAYS TRY TO STIR UP TROUBLE?

    FUCK YOU AND FUCK AMERICA.

  12. Do all libertarians get discounts at Dave Koch’s House o’ Black Leather Jackets, or only those who work for “Reason”? Or is it an Irish Catholic thing?

    Oh, and what part of “fucking taigs (Catholics) and fucking huns (Protestants)” sounds “neither as religious as commonly reported nor as intractable as commonly supposed”? Or maybe it’s not religious but it’s racist? Is that the good news?

    1. Via Alan Vanneman: Sherlock Holmes and the Fucking Taigs of Sumatra

      1. VANNEMAN DELENDE EST

    2. Presbyterianism is the self-selected identity of the unwanted foreign invaders who once attempted to colonize all of Ireland, but who now have been relegated to being 50% of 6 northern counties. Native Irish are overwhelmingly Catholic. Since the Scots have been there for hundreds of years themselves, and consider themselves locals, they refer to the true locals by their religious affiliation. The identify themselves by their religious affiliation (protestant orangemen), so its only natural that they identify their enemy similarly. And the native Irish ARE catholic, culturally and religiously, so they have embraced the label as well.

      Neither gives a shit about religious doctrines are trying to convert the other side. So its not really “religious” in that sense.

      Its best understood as a colonial struggle of the occupied versus the occupiers. Which of course it is. Just the occupiers have become very enlodged. The Moors took about 800 years to excise from Iberia.

      1. Everything was OK until the damned Christians showed up

        1. Rather, everything was OK until waves of enemy colonizers showed up. (Who happened to bring an insane protestant fervor with them).

          1. Get over it.

  13. Well done. Even with peace so much is unchanged. It reminded me of my time photographing the North during the 80s and 90s. Now is similar to then, thankfully with a much smaller body count. With that said, I love the North and Belfast is an amazing city.

  14. Bunch of goddamned gingers, the whole lot of ’em.

  15. That guy with the posters about the working class lives in a nicer house than I do. How does one become a part of this “working class”?

  16. Some of these characters look like they came straight out of a Guy Ritchie film.

  17. This blog from my point of view is such an exciting and interesting to read as it is full of information, very nice to read.

  18. It’s Prods not Prots. Learn your slurs you dirty fenian.

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