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Culture

Abduction

Twilight star Taylor Lautner fails to become the next Jason Bourne.

Kurt Loder | 9.23.2011 10:30 AM

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Abduction has a slick, twisty story and some strong actors—Jason Isaacs, Maria Bello, Alfred Molina. But the movie is consistently subverted by a teen-flick insistence on having its star, 19-year-old Taylor Lautner, bare his famous torso at regular intervals and utter humid, teenish things like, "Inside, I just feel different." Since Lautner and his father were involved in producing the film, it's not hard to imagine them torn in two directions, wanting both to enlarge his career beyond the Twilight franchise in which it caught fire, and to hold onto that series' largely teen-girl audience. So the picture is fundamentally conflicted. On one hand, there are no glittering vampires to hoot at here. (Thank you, God.) On the other, Lautner, poor devil, still can't get laid.    

His character, Nathan Harper, is a high-school senior who lives with his parents (Isaacs and Bello) in a leafy suburb of Pittsburgh. Nathan is supposed to be alienated and unpopular (he's seeing a shrink, played by Sigourney Weaver, for his "rage issues"). But given the actor's flamboyant hunkiness and inhumanly bright smile, this is completely unconvincing. In any case, while researching a school sociology project with a classmate named Karen (Lily Collins, of The Blind Side)—a girl he has worshipped from afar—Nathan comes across a website devoted to missing children. On it, he sees an old photo of a little kid whom he recognizes as himself. He calls a tip line listed on the site, and we see the shady character who answers it immediately placing another call, this one to a grim-lipped heavy in London named Kozlow (Michael Nyqvist, of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series). Kozlow has been waiting a long time for this call, and he and some imposing associates quickly hop a plane to the States.

Just as Nathan's mom is admitting to him that she and her husband aren't his real parents, a pair of Kozlow's confederates make an explosive entrance, and Nathan and Karen are soon fleeing for their lives. Also stepping into the mix before long is a top CIA agent named Burton (Molina), who has long feared such a situation arising, and who must now find Nathan before Kozlow does.

The frantic chase to find Nathan's real father—who holds the key to all thus hubbub—has clear similarities to the Bourne movies, among others. (A furious smackdown in a compartment of a speeding train genuflects in the direction of From Russia with Love.) But while Lautner, a world-class karate champion in his even-more-youthful youth, acquits himself well in the movie's many action scenes, his bland demeanor and slightly squashed features hinder whatever attempts at emotional projection he may be making. And the director, John Singleton, helming his first film in six years, keeps whipping the action along mainly, it seems, to keep us from thinking too much about some of his odd shot choices and preposterous scenes. (At one point, Weaver's shrink smuggles Nathan and Karen out of a hospital behind a cloud of bobbling get-well balloons.) And then, as I say, there's the fact that despite a couple of secluded opportunities for Nathan and Karen to become more than just study buds, they somehow never quite get around to doing so.

The movie ends with a long and tedious sequence set at a Pittsburgh Pirates baseball game. I'm not sure who won. But the audience with which I watched this misbegotten film kept up a steady rumble of rude groans and laughter throughout, so I can tell you it wasn't us.

Kurt Loder is a writer living in New York. His third book, a collection of film reviews called The Good, the Bad and the Godawful, will be out on November 8th from St. Martin's Press. Follow him on Twitter at kurt_loder.


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Kurt Loder is a New York writer who also hosts the SiriusXM interview show True Stories.

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  1. Tim   14 years ago

    Is there any creature more shallow than an attractive teen?

    1. SugarFree   14 years ago

      The 40-something mother talking about how hot he is.

      1. Jeff P.   14 years ago

        (sprays Binaca)
        Yeah, but that’s when they are at their weakest…

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder   14 years ago

          Don’t forget your Aqua-Velva. (Slaps face)

          1. Pro Libertate   14 years ago

            Hey, that’s a flash from the past.

            1. Jeff P.   14 years ago

              Hai Karate and Brylcream baby. Moms love the creepy 70’s gigolo look.

          2. Fatty Bolger   14 years ago

            Can never go wrong with a little Old Spice. (whistles old spice jingle)

    2. sarcasmic   14 years ago

      A politician?

    3. Old Mexican   14 years ago

      Re: Tim,

      Is there any creature more shallow than an attractive teen?

      “Attractive”? I believe you have read too many teen idol magazines. The guy looks like he was dropped on his face as a baby.

  2. Scruffy Nerfherder   14 years ago

    I actually watched the new trailer for Twilight: Breaking Dawn. Vile and horrific it is.

  3. flye   14 years ago

    Even M. Night Shyamalan is disappointed by every John Singleton movie since his first.

    1. Art-P.O.G.   14 years ago

      I’m actually a fan of Singleton’s latter work. Baby Boy falls just short of classic and Four Brothers and 2 Fast 2 Furious are solid genre work. Although it’s been awhile since I’ve seen 2F2F.

      Also, “Inside, I just feel different…” is way too easy a setup for a gay joke.

      1. flye   14 years ago

        I guess to be fair to Singleton, it isn’t his fault that some were hyping him as the next Scorsese as he morphed into the next Tony Scott.

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      2. Episiarch   14 years ago

        Singleton is terrible. Boyz n the Hood was an over-dramatic, overhyped mess that set him up to be hailed as a great director, and then he of course failed to deliver.

        Gonna have to disagree with you totally here, Art. I find Singleton’s work to be utterly vapid.

        1. Art-P.O.G.   14 years ago

          In matters of taste…

    2. Anonymous Coward   14 years ago

      Even M. Night Shyamalan

      Speaking of people who will never be trusted with a big budget franchise film again….

  4. SugarFree   14 years ago

    “Inside, I just feel different.”

    So… he’s a werewolf in this movie too? I’m confused.

    1. Episiarch   14 years ago

      I wouldn’t waste too much thought on it.

      1. Art-P.O.G.   14 years ago

        I think the movie SugarFree is imagining might be amazing, though.

        1. Fatty Bolger   14 years ago

          And rated XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

          1. Art-P.O.G.   14 years ago

            The gay-werewolf pulp-spy genre is woefully underreprsented in cinema in my opinion.

  5. Lord Humungus   14 years ago

    *looks at video screenshot*

    *wonders how those caterpillars got stuck to her eyebrows*

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder   14 years ago

      They’re strangely compelling. It’s almost like they want to crawl away and hide.

  6. SugarFree   14 years ago

    “Make-up! Dammit, where’s Make-up? Oh, there you are. Do the eyebrows on her again. More eyebrows, damn you. More! Just use her whole fucking forehead!”

    1. Tim   14 years ago

      It’s Leonid Brezhnev’s grand daughter!

      1. BakedPenguin   14 years ago

        Hey guys, at least there are 2. I suspect that’s one more than when the makeup person got started.

        1. Fist of Etiquette   14 years ago

          Me-ow.

          1. BakedPenguin   14 years ago

            Not at all. I went out with a Russian-Jewish woman for a while. She was very well endowed, but also rather… ah, hirsute.

            1. R C Dean   14 years ago

              Yes, yes. Go on.

              1. BakedPenguin   14 years ago

                Well, she had to shave her eyebrows, along with her upper lip, and a few other places women don’t generally have to worry about.

                But 42DD makes up for a multitude of sins…

                1. Art-P.O.G.   14 years ago

                  That it does. That it does.

                  1. Jeff P.   14 years ago

                    I love a good Unibrow-Frau…

  7. Bee Tagger   14 years ago

    Yeah, but, there are scenes at PNC Park. Doesn’t that count for something?

  8. Dagny T.   14 years ago

    They’re really going to try and make Taylor Lautner happen, aren’t they? I really don’t need to hear any more grown-ass women salivating over him. Gross. Do not want. Etc.

  9. Amy   14 years ago

    Lautner has the hardest working PR in Hollywood, but even they can’t salvage this. Isn’t this the movie where he sued because he didn’t like his trailer? Brat.

    1. Helen   14 years ago

      You know zero about him, so you have no idea whether or not he’s a brat. And it wasn’t his decision to sue. It was a lawyers. And he donated all the money to charity.

      1. Karl Hungus   14 years ago

        He’s a mediocre actor who appears in bad movies geared toward teenage girls. Do we need to know any more?

  10. Old Mexican   14 years ago

    19-year-old Taylor Lautner, bare his famous torso at regular intervals[…]

    May serve to keep the interest of the audience not unlike Hypno-toad does.

    […]and utter humid, teenish things like[:] “Inside, I just feel different.”

    It would have been even more “teenish” had he added the necessary “like” to complete the sentence in the usual teen way.

    “Inside, like, I just feel, like, different. You know?”

    1. Fatty Bolger   14 years ago

      Totally.

  11. Franklin Harris   14 years ago

    For a while, we had do suffer the cardboard cutout Orlando Bloom stinking up our action movies. Taylor Lautner, too, shall pass.

    1. Franklin Harris   14 years ago

      “to suffer”

  12. ????? ??? ??????   13 years ago

    thank u man

    http://www.zain1.com/vb
    http://www.iraq-7b.com/

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