Friday Funnies

The latest bestsellers

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[heller]

That’s… topical?

[^]

First! Just like Suki used to be.

[Aqua Buddha]

Poor Suki, died so young

[Art-P.O.G.]

I think I missed a subplot during my hiatus.

[Clich? Bandit]

See this is why the reasonwiki is SO IMPORTANT.

Art, you know about J Sub D right?

[Art-P.O.G.]

Yeah, my heart was heavy. One of my Facebook/Reason crossover peeps let me know.

[heller]

Turn off the phone bitch puddin

[Fist of Etiquette]

Why is Henry Waxman jerking off in the aisle of the Barnes & Noble?

[Name Nomad]

Bibliophile.

[Bucky]

is that a monocle?

[Tim]

I thought he was pissing.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Yeah, that joke had already been used.

[Karl Hungus]

Because Joe Biden has the kind of face that just begs for a moneyshot.

[JW]

C’mon, you know Biden’s would be a pop-up.

[Aqua Buddha]

At his age, Biden hasn’t popped up in years.

[Bucky]

i thought that was Weiner’s…

[WTF]

Needs labels.

[David Frum]

No it doesn’t.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

What, like an arrow and the word “book”?

[rather not]

I just want to know if I’m getting blown tonight.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

I’d just like to know if I’m getting blown tonight.

After nearly 21 years of marriage, though, I’m pretty sure I know the answer. Same as every other night.

[capitol l]

Jesus Christ, just when I thought the “Funnies” couldn’t get any worse…

[Eduard van Haalen]

Coming soon: The story of Hanukkah, produced by Mel Gibson, script by Joe Eszterhaz. You can’t make this stuff up:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.co…..epic-.html

[John]

Other than sure stupidity and bias I can’t think of a reason why Hollywood stopped making biblical epics. Since the dawn of the movie industry, biblical epics were as close to a sure thing as you could get. And the Hollywood stopped making them.

Think about it. The Passion was a horror movie filmed in dead languages and it made a half a billion dollars. I am thinking a well made more accessible bilbical epic could do at least as well.

But hey, Hollywood has more important subjects to tackle, like retarded people getting into porn.

[Aqua Buddha]

like retarded people getting into porn

We demand links.

[John]

Is that what this is? If the lead character isn’t retarded he certainly has Asperger’s.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1411664/

[Aqua Buddha]

No, I meant links to the actual porn. We know you have it.

[John]

That is SF not me

[SugarFree]

Retard porn? Like rather and OhioOrrin vomiting back and forth into each other’s mouth?

[Art-P.O.G.]

Only the Brazilians would make this. It would give even the Germans and the Japanese pause.

[sarcasmic]

One time at an old job one of the waitresses commented on a cute retarded couple she was serving, so I commented “I wonder what kind of noises retards make when they’re having sex”, to which she replied “I don’t know. What kind of noises do you make when you’re having sex?”
I felt the burn.

[Lord Humungus]

lol

[BigT]

Your snappy rejoinder: “Sweet songs that I know you will enjoy”

[John]

Dude you can’t make fun of retarded people in front of chicks. You might as well have kicked a puppy in her presence.

[SugarFree]

Yeah. Did you ever think that maybe she was insulted because her mom was a retard?

[sarcasmic]

Maybe that’s why I got dirty looks when I sang the Dead Milkmen’s “Takin’ Retards To The Zoo lyrics” under my breath.

[sarcasmic]

*lyrics* stupid cut and paste…

[A Dead Milkman]

Truly one of my favorite groups.

[SugarFree]

Waiters

[sarcasmic]

I’d click on the link but I’m scared.

[SugarFree]

Sissies like you make me want to retch.

[sarcasmic]

If I wasn’t at work I might, but when you post a link I fear the corporate filter will cause my machine to explode.

[Marc St. Stephen]

You haven’t lived until you’ve heard deaf people have sex. I went to a college with lots of deaf students. One evening I was visiting a friend in his dorm room when his deaf neighbor and his girlfriend went at it – seriously, a cross between strangling cats and hardcore torture screams, with no sense of volume.

[John]

http://news.yahoo.com/longshor…..21214.html
LONGVIEW, Wash. (AP) ? Hundreds of Longshoremen stormed the Port of Longview early Thursday, overpowered and held security guards, damaged railroad cars, and dumped grain that is the center of a labor dispute, said Longview Police Chief Jim Duscha.

Six guards were held hostage for a couple of hours after 500 or more Longshoremen broke down gates about 4:30 a.m. and smashed windows in the guard shack, he said.

No one was hurt, and nobody has been arrested. Most of the protesters returned to their union hall after cutting brake lines and spilling grain from car at the EGT terminal, Duscha said.

The International Longshore and Warehouse Union believes it has the right to work at the facility, but the company has hired a contractor that’s staffing a workforce of other union laborers.

Thursday’s violence was first reported by Kelso radio station KLOG.

Remember MNG and Tony tell us Unions are our friends not organized crime.

[Quetzalcoatl]

Most of the “”””””””protesters”””””””” returned to their…

FTFY

[John]

Good call. After the way the media uses scare quotes, you would think perhaps this would be an appropriate time to use such.

[Yet another Dave]

It does seem that the MSM has reversed the definitions of “protesters” and “riot mob” of late. Unionized longshoremen wreak havoc and take hostages, they’re “protesters”. The Tea Party shows up somewhere with posters and shouts but no one hurt and no actual damage done, they’re a “riot mob.” Sure, makes perfect sense to me.

[John]

Could you imagine the pants wetting that would go on if a Tea Party crowd so much as broke a window?

[Bucky]

reminds me of the friendship of Gollum and Frodo…
then again, Gollum never carried a baseball bat…

[Jimmy Hoffa]

*beaming with pride*

[Lord Humungus]

http://i54.tinypic.com/2jfkih4.jpg

[Ol' Barry]

So the bookstore masturbator is back for more? Oh, he shaved his head and grew a mustache, but I would recognize that profile anywhere. Guess he had to change his appearance after getting banned from the store for his prior “activities.”

[Aqua Buddha]

I may change my commentor name to “The Bookstore Masturbator”.

[Aqua Buddha]

Just one question tho – do you keep links to all of his cartoons with the bookstore masturbator? EEEEewwww.

[Ol' Barry]

It’s good to have a hobby.

[John]

That is almost as good as “Somalian Road Corporation.”

[sarcasmic]

Why not “The Comments Section Master Baiter”?

[Name Nomad]

I think he’s still a Journeyman Baiter. Give him another ten or fifteen years and he’ll be at that level.

[Aqua Buddha]

Master Troll Baiter?

[sarcasmic]

I’ll let MNG and Tony decide.

[SugarFree]

Do it before the Aqua Buddha joke fades completely.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Wait…what was Aqua Buddha’s original name?

[SugarFree]

Alonzo McJizzumPants

[Art-P.O.G.]

Dude, did you just come up with that? Because that is a pretty good name. Almost as good as God Shammgod.

[SugarFree]

“Where’s that from?”

“It’s from my BRAIN!”

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

See, the comments section is always the funniest part of Friday Funnies.

[SugarFree]

God Shammgod: The Self-Negating Name. Whoa. Meta.

[Art-P.O.G.]

I don’t know if his parents were geniuses or reckless eccentrics who should have had their child(ren) taken away.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Possibly both.

[TRTB]

I assumed it was some sort of sham-wow tribute.

[Aqua Buddha]

Ape law requires me to take someone else’s alter ego with me when I kill a persona. Any recommendations?

[SugarFree]

You could take “SugarFull,” my evil twin that failed to take off as a running joke.

[SugarFill]

Kiiiiiiiiiill. Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

[Fist of Etiquette]

I’m beginning to suspect Payne can’t draw hands.

[Art-P.O.G.]

But I’ve seen him draw hands!

[Terr]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Aqua Buddha]

The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied by ‘Harry Potter’

[sarcasmic]

Megan Fox is still hot.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..-diet.html

[SugarFree]

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

[John]

In the one picture she is this super cute comely teenager. She is not Sofia Loren, but she is very attractive. Then in the latest one, she looks like something out of a horror movie.

Seriously, is there something in the water in Hollywood that makes women look in the mirror and say “you know I just don’t scare enough small children when I am in public.” WTF is wrong with these people?

[SugarFree]

The Lohan household was one long Bret Easton Ellis novel.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Ere I would have doubted that a perfectly fine looking woman could walk into a plastic surgeon’s office and demand a procedure to make herself look more like a tranny.

[John]

I am more and more convinced it is because misogynistic gay men run the entertainment industry. I can tell you who would find a tranny more attractive than a natural looking 19 year old woman, a gay man. That is the only way to explain what women in Hollywood do to themselves.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Yeah, maybe something like that. Because I think the stereotypical ‘gay friend’ would tell her “girl, you look fine just the way you are” (even if she really didn’t). But even the gay directors I can think of have better taste in women than that, so I’m at a loss to concur, unless these execs and modeling scouts are weirder than I think.

[John]

The fashion industry is really sick. Most magazine models are 14 and 15 years old. The whole industry is built around two things, pedophilia and torturing otherwise beautiful women by making them starve themselves so they look like 15 year old trannys.

[sarcasmic]

John
likes
big
butts and he can not lie
you other brothers can’t deny
that when a girl walks in
with an itty bitty waste
and a round thing in your face
you get sprung…

[SugarFree]

I think most of it is try to adapt the human body to another person’s attractive traits. Angelina Jolie has bee-stung lips… so inject yours with ass-fat or silicone and you’ll have them too. Except plastic surgery isn’t there yet. And even a perfect imitation of Jolie’s lips wouldn’t be Jolie’s lips because they work with the rest of her to form a beauty gestalt.

By trying to take bits and pieces of other people, they are cut and pasting themselves into The Uncanny Valley.

[Quetzalcoatl]

Beauty Gestalt

I’d listen to that band.

[John]

That is a good point. SF

[Art-P.O.G.]

I concur. Attractiveness is in the gestalt because many attractive people have features that might seem weird in isolation, but work well together in total appearance.

[Hooha]

Olivia Wild is proof of concept.

Her jaw makes most men look like that one guy that plays JD on Scrubs, and if that’s not a fivehead she’s sporting, it’s at least a four-and-a-half.

Yet somehow, she’s an eleven not in spite of these things, but partly because of them.

[Bucky]

my GOD, talk about ‘Freaky Friday’…

[Lord Humungus]

Apparently Obama’s speech led to a Reason drink-a-thon. Where are the morning links?

[Tim]

Actually I’m relieved that today’s offering wasn’t some half assed cartonic tribute to 9/11.

[Quetzalcoatl]

You can find that on the rest of the site.

[Joe M]

This probably was linked months or years ago: Golden Girls Interactive Floor Plan

[Fist of Etiquette]

How DARE you people try to turn Friday Funnies into Morning Links. It does a disservice to both fine Reason institutions.

[Joe M]

I’m resisting the urge to put serious “newsy” links up for now.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

I don’t get it.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Joey the Clown?

[Art-P.O.G.]

I SugarFreed it. it should go to “Joey Lombardo”.

[SugarFree]

Even across the vast oceans, I loom…

[SugarFree]

Mmm… I pretty sure I’ve seen about half of this: Joey.

[Art-P.O.G.]

Oh, man…that movie looks weird as hell and now I have to try to watch it.

[Joe M]

You haven’t seen it? It’s a classic. Seriously, if it’s the one I’m thinking of, it’s a bit disappointing, in that the real action is only hinted at, instead of actually portrayed.

[Aimeng]

http://www.aimengcrystal.com

[Citizen Nothing]

The title of the Biden autobio should definitely be “Squirrel!”

[Almanian]

Huh?

[Moncler]

The majority of us understand individuals produced by the actual Sperry Organization which have created the term topsiders children title.

[kicksneakerboxes]

good