"Squirrel!"

Mike Riggs | 8.3.2011 1:41 PM

Vice President Joe Biden gets ready to pounce on a squirrel Sunday night while President Obama negotiates the debt ceiling with Speaker of the House Bilbo bin Laden. (Courtesy of the White House Flickr feed.)

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Hank 14 years ago

Um... What?
Tony 14 years ago

No funny guys.
1. JB 14 years ago
  
  It's funny. You just don't have a sense of humor.
  
  Biden is his pet bitch and I wouldn't mind seeing that bitch getting to meet an actual terrorist.
JoJo Zeke 14 years ago

"Good boy, Liberty! SIT!"
Ynot 14 years ago

Meanwhile, Barry is calling his crack dealer.
1. JoJo Zeke 14 years ago
  
  She has to take the call. They are married, after all.
Abdul 14 years ago

I thought Joe was jackin' it while looking out the window at the Secret Service tackling the homeless doofus.
1. Bingo 14 years ago
  
  Oh god, cannot unsee.
2. Sean L. 14 years ago
  
  Hey, it's jobs for a window cleaning crew.
  1. Abdul 14 years ago
    
    Is that the "glazier's fallacy" I keep hearing about?
3. Drake 14 years ago
  
  "Why does my office always smell like chlorine after Joe's been here"?
Tim 14 years ago

The Vice Presidency has been a joke since at least Dan Quayle. I don't remember Bush, Mondale or Ford jokes.
1. Abdul 14 years ago
  
  Bush, Mondale and Ford were the jokes.
2. Gibby 14 years ago
  
  Spiro. Fucking. Agnew.
  
  And Ford's VP tenure was brief.
  1. SIV 14 years ago
    
    Agnew was a great speaker. Of course anyone having circa early 1970s William Safire and Pat Buchanan writing your scripts would be at least very good.
    1. Mongo 14 years ago
      
      I still use his diss "effete and impudent snobs"!
R C Dean 14 years ago

(1) Clean desk, empty mind.

(2) The Presidential phone isn't cordless? And it looks like its got a bunch of lines and functions? What is he, a used car salesman? (Don't answer that). Seriously, this guy's going to be putting together his own conference calls and shit?
1. Achtung Coma Baby 14 years ago
  
  Don't be silly. If he bought a cordless phone, the workers that make cords for phones would lose their jobs!
2. MP 14 years ago
  
  Commie spies can sniff cordless phone comms.
  
  Unless the Prez uses a shoe-phone. That has uber-encryption.
  1. wylie 14 years ago
    
    Also, do you like having important phone calls interrupted by low-battery?
    1. JoJo Zeke 14 years ago
      
      Also, do you like having important phone calls interrupted by low-battery?
      
      "Well, hell, Mr. President: he's your VP, after all...!"
    2. R C Dean 14 years ago
      
      By now, I doubt the White House staff lets any of the important calls get through to Obama.
      1. wylie 14 years ago
        
        i did phrase the sentance in a general sense, not indicating any particular person who might be bothered by it.
        
        I know I avoid that eventuality by making sure my phone is charged/plugged-in before getting on any important calls.
3. Brett L 14 years ago
  
  Cordless phones are inherently less secure. They broadcast. I do agree though, he should just have a handset and a base like those old office phones that just rang through to the secretary.
  1. yonemoto 14 years ago
    
    TEMPEST. The electromagnetic diaphragm on the end of a corded phone broadcasts, too.
4. John 14 years ago
  
  In Obama's defense, I would imagine the secret service and the security people insist on the phone not being cordless. That is almost certainly a TS or higher level phone. And they don't make those cordless for obvious reasons.
  1. some guy 14 years ago
    
    I don't think they would put anything TS in a room with windows, much less a room that photographers regularly have access to.
    1. John 14 years ago
      
      Good point. And all of the TS stuff gets done in the West Wing anyway. So, maybe there is no reason for it not to be cordless. But still, they probably don't want someone sitting out on Penn Ave listening to the Oval Office phone even if it is unclass.
      1. wylie 14 years ago
        
        transparent Faraday shield with TiO or something similar? possible?
        
        wylie 14 years ago
        
        whoops. ITO.
5. Gibby 14 years ago
  
  (1) Cluttered desk, cluttered mind.
6. Tim 14 years ago
  
  This way he can't bring it to the bathroom and accidentally drop it in the terlet.
  1. Brett L 14 years ago
    
    "Joe! I have a job you're qualified for."
7. Bill Clinton 14 years ago
  
  I always preferred cordless devices during my tenure in the Oval Office.
  1. Bill Clinton 14 years ago
    
    Four D cell batteries, ooo-weee! Get over here sweet thing!
  2. Teachers 14 years ago
    
    You got TENURE?!
Achtung Coma Baby 14 years ago

A purple tie?! How tacky!
1. Gibby 14 years ago
  
  I'm wearing a Jones New York, purple tie right now. How is that tacky?
  1. bc 14 years ago
    
    Is that Velvet Jones of New York?
2. R C Dean 14 years ago
  
  That's not purple. Nothing wrong with purple.
  
  That's lavender, fer godsakes.
  1. Pip 14 years ago
    
    Good to know. Mine is purple stripes.
    
    I would contend that a lavender tie is acceptable during the Easter season.
    1. R C Kerry 14 years ago
      
      Maybe at a gay wedding* during Easter.
      
      *NTTAWWT.
  2. Paul 14 years ago
    
    We're men. We only have words for about four colors.
    1. wylie 14 years ago
      
      You must not paint. It's more like 12.
    2. Mainer 14 years ago
      
      But comfortable liking Papillons
    3. Marshall Gill 14 years ago
      
      We're men. We only have words for about four colors.
      
      Yep, a guy who calls a pinkish orange "peach" or dark green "teal" probably owns several dozen pairs of shoes and is also probably a bit light in them as well. NTTAWWT
      
      And yeah, RC, you using the word "lavender" instead of light purple makes you suspect.
      1. R C Dean 14 years ago
        
        Methinks you doth protest the lavender a bit too much, Marshall.
Casey Anthony 14 years ago

Wow! Did I ever blimp up fast!

http://photos.tmz.com/gallerie.....ost_recent
1. SIV 14 years ago
  
  She should take fashion advice from my blog
  1. Pip 14 years ago
    
    NSFW!!!!!
    1. SIV 14 years ago
      
      Sorry Pip. Did you find a new job yet?
      1. Pip 14 years ago
        
        Never lost it, but some of the women on your blog are topless.
        
        DJF 14 years ago
        
        I will be in my room.
2. Achtung Coma Baby 14 years ago
  
  I would fuck her. She's bound to be lonely.
  1. Pip 14 years ago
    
    Achtung Coma Baby, selfless humanitarian.
    1. Achtung Coma Baby 14 years ago
      
      What's wrong?
      
      I would even leave her a nice, dripping creampie. She can decide what to do with it.
      1. TheFederalist 14 years ago
        
        Heart of gold.
        
        And it's $1,700 an ounce about now.
  2. Brett L 14 years ago
    
    I'm holding out for Amanda Knox. Hot chick, likes to screw, and will help you cover up a murder. If she can cook, it'd be perfect.
  3. John 14 years ago
    
    I agree. She just has big tits and a slightly larger than ideal ass. Works for me.
    1. Ballchinian 14 years ago
      
      The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'.
3. free2booze 14 years ago
  
  Those are some huge fun bags.
  1. Caylee Anthony 14 years ago
    
    Not so fun really...
  2. Tulpa 14 years ago
    
    Big enough to suffocate a baby in?
    1. Marshall Gill 14 years ago
      
      Hmm, I hadn't considered that. I will have to update my list of "Ways I would like to die".
Is China more free than the US 14 years ago

Speaking of monsters, what sort of moster would feed birds! Actual birdseed!

This evil bastard!

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/.....jail-time/

From the story:

""I am nervous," said Brown. "They have the right to send me to jail.""

No, Mr. Brown, they may have the power. But they do not have the RIGHT.
B.P. 14 years ago

I like... but somebody needs to teach Riggs the alt-text function.
1. wylie 14 years ago
  
  The headline IS the alt-text.
  1. Riggs 14 years ago
    
    +1
Tim 14 years ago

It's funnier than every Friday Funny I've ever seen.
1. Lord Humungus 14 years ago
  
  combined.
Warty 14 years ago

Squirrel
1. SugarFree 14 years ago
  
  Squirrel tongue!
  
  I hate how down some people are on squirrels. "Whine! Squirrels ate my birdseed!" Whatever, when's the last time you had to go wash your car because squirrels shit all over it?
  1. Warty 14 years ago
    
    Squirrels are tasty, too.
    1. Pip 14 years ago
      
      My ghetto neighbors trap and eat them. Rabbits too. My garden has gone unmolested this year. A first.
      1. wylie 14 years ago
        
        How dare you take advantage of their pest control services without compensating them!
        
        SugarFree 14 years ago
        
        Actually, his garden is bait for their hunting. It is a symbiotic relationship.
        
        Now if someone would just hunt down Pip's pubic lice, he'd be set.
        
        wylie 14 years ago
        
        Actually, his garden is bait for their hunting. It is a symbiotic relationship.
        
        Hope...for...humanity...rising.
  2. Bingo 14 years ago
    
    I can't look at squirrels the same after reading this
    
    "An oral masturbation was recorded when a male sat with head lowered and an erect penis in his mouth, being stimulated with both mouth (fellatio) and forepaws (masturbation), while the lower torso moved forward and backwards in thrusting motions, finally culminating in an apparent ejaculation, after which the male appeared to consume the ejaculate."
    1. Pip 14 years ago
      
      Fucking synergies, how do they work?
    2. SugarFree 14 years ago
      
      Dial back on the jealousy, dude.
  3. wylie 14 years ago
    
    Squirrels ate my birdseed
    
    I don't buy birdseed, but isn't it all capsaicin-ized now?
    1. SugarFree 14 years ago
      
      Not all. Squirrels and chipmunks eat the stuff I get all the time. And they are welcome to it. Birds are vile shit-tornadoes.
      1. wylie 14 years ago
        
        So what we need is squirrel feed that repels birds. Or just pumps up the squirrels till they prey on the birds. Yeah, option 2.
        
        SIV 14 years ago
        
        They actually sell squirrel feed.I suppose it is geared towards orinthophobes because squirrels aren't very particular.
John 14 years ago

Not since Millie the elder Bush's loyal spanial prowled the White House grounds, have squirrells been in such danger there. Biden isn't quite as intelligent as Millie. But he is much more focused and single minded than the late first pooch.
1. capitol l 14 years ago
  
  Millie was a bitch.
2. Tulpa 14 years ago
  
  What about Ted Kennedy's Portuguese water terrier?
Danno 14 years ago

Not nice to mock the mentally-challenged...
Restoras 14 years ago

You know, not for nothing but shouldn't the leader of the free world have a bit more on his desk?
1. wylie 14 years ago
  
  *insert picture of the clutter covering every inch of my desk except for the part immediately in front of the mouse and keyboard*
  
  Vote Wylie for 2012.
2. JoJo Zeke 14 years ago
  
  Why? College basketball season again already...?
3. MattJ 14 years ago
  
  So much that crosses his desk is TS/SCI (compartmentalized). Since the Oval office gets visitors (and people take photos of it) it's got to be kept clean all the time.
Kristen 14 years ago

He looks like he's trying real hard to push out a rock-hard turd.
1. capitol l 14 years ago
  
  Yup, and so does Biden.
  1. Kristen 14 years ago
    
    +1 !!
Tim 14 years ago

VP: the launching pad for so many great Presidencies.
Flyover Rube 14 years ago

Raise your hand if you're surprised that the Vice President of the United States is a window licker.
1. Stoner from "Super Troopers" 14 years ago
  
  The snozzberries taste like...snozzberries!!
2. Joe Biden 14 years ago
  
  Come to daddy.
capitol l 14 years ago

B-Movie Posters for Classic Movies
1. John 14 years ago
  
  + the internets
DK 14 years ago

That desk sure is... uncluttered.
Hank 14 years ago

Speaker of the House Bilbo bin Laden

Clearly I've jumped from "youngish" to "old", because nothing about this post makes sense to me. I have to assume Riggs is of the Andy Samberg "funny-because-it's-random" school.
1. NoTalentAssclown 14 years ago
  
  John McCain called the tea party people "hobbits" from Lord of the Rings. Bilbo ( acharacter from the book) is a hobbit.
  
  Biden called Tea Party members "terrorists." Osama bin Laden was a terrorist
  1. R C Kerry 14 years ago
    
    Sigh. If you have to explain . . . .
  2. Hank 14 years ago
    
    Is there anything more humiliating than having a joke explained to you?
    
    I contend "no". But I'm still grateful, NTAC.
  3. Hank 14 years ago
    
    OK, but wait. Boehner is generally disliked by the Tea Party, no? So why would he be referred to using two things ascribed to the Tea Party?
    
    [and get off my lawn, etc.]
    1. Hank 14 years ago
      
      ...generally disliked by the Tea Party...
2. wylie 14 years ago
  
  the Andy Samberg "funny-because-it's-random" school.
  
  Because only this lazy, shitty, genereation would use such a comedy technique.
  
  No comedian before 2000 ever used randomness in their bits. Never. Steven Wright's stuff was totally coherent. (help me out with more examples people)
  
  disclaimer: Samberg isn't that funny. the music video spoofs were pretty good.
  1. Patrick 14 years ago
    
    Probably one of SW's more famous ones, but WTH:
    
    " I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."
    1. Mongo 14 years ago
      
      "There's a thin line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot".
  2. Citizen Nothing 14 years ago
    
    You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
    1. Hank 14 years ago
      
      That's all clever.
      
      Singing about doing things "Like a boss(!)" to a fish-man in the sewers? Notsomuch.
  3. Tulpa 14 years ago
    
    Emo Phillips, Gallagher, Al Yankovic...
3. SugarFree 14 years ago
  
  Generating humor from incongruous juxtaposition is not the same as randomness.
  1. Charlotte Sometimes 14 years ago
    
    I've kind of missed your incongruous juxtapositions, SF. I just wish you'd use them for something other than descriptions of genitalia.
    1. SugarFree 14 years ago
      
      We all have our particular evolutionary niches, my dear Charlotte... I have to play to my strengths.
    2. T 14 years ago
      
      Ask him about peanut butter. It went over well earlier today.
      1. Charlotte Sometimes 14 years ago
        
        I am trying to acclimate myself again, T. SF knows I am afraid to ask about this "peanut butter,". . . but in a few minutes I will. Alas, I am morbidly curious.
        
        SugarFree 14 years ago
        
        For when you are ready...
        
        Charlotte Sometimes 14 years ago
        
        That was remarkably tame for you, SF. Such restraint!
JoJo Zeke 14 years ago

Steven Wright's stuff was totally coherent. (help me out with more examples people)

Emo Phillips.
1. Barely Suppressed Rage 14 years ago
  
  Jack Handey?
2. Tulpa 14 years ago
  
  I've met him in person at a ribbon cutting ceremony -- he's kind of a jerk actually.
Barely Suppressed Rage 14 years ago

"The vice presidency is not worth a bucket of warm spit."

- Attributed to John Nance Garner, VP under FDR
1. Dave 14 years ago
  
  Well, sure, if the veep isn't going to show some ambition - like Harry Truman or Lyndon B. Johnson.
Pauly Shore 14 years ago

"I'm so ronery, so ronery, so ronery and sad..."
KingQuinoa 14 years ago

Look at that hot guy mowing the lawn (fap, fap fap) I'd totally tap him.
freevillage 14 years ago

? I'm sorry? No, he's castrated but he still wants to chase bitches outside... Alright, doc. We'll be there.
hmm 14 years ago

Hi there, my name is Dug. My master made me this collar so I may talk...
Rob 14 years ago

A clean desk is a sign of an empty mind.
1. hmm 14 years ago
  
  I must be a fucking genius then...
Au H20 14 years ago

Well, given that the humor stylings of both Jon Stewart and Bill Maher have devolved into, "It is funny because the Republican is dead" I think the comparison to Doug the Dog is apt.
--- 14 years ago

alternate caption contest....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/w.....otostream/
1. hmm 14 years ago
  
  Now extend your thumb and first finger...
2. SugarFree 14 years ago
  
  "Imma gonna fuck your hand with mah penis finger gun, Biden!"
  
  "Nooooo! That's the hand I wipe butt off with!"
  
  "I'm makin' a terrorist fist bump with my head. LOL!"
  
  White House Gas Leak Goes Unnoticed For Six Hours, Biden Unaffected.
3. Sean L. 14 years ago
  
  Rob Nabors to Biden: "I CRUSH your chin!"
4. --- 14 years ago
  
  With all due respect Mr. President, please take your shoes off the table and your hand off your crotch.
5. Abdul 14 years ago
  
  not a caption, but there's a "help wanted" sign above Obama's head there on the wall.
  
  I'm going down tomorrow to fill out an application!
  1. --- 14 years ago
    
    If you zoom in closer, it says "Help Wanted - No Irish Need Apply".
    
    Raaaaaaaaaaaaaacizm?
msmaddawg 14 years ago

"Dude, Soros just parked in your spot again."
G D 14 years ago

It looks like Biden is releasing a cheek-squeaker
Tulpa 14 years ago

You can learn a lot about someone from their workspace.

Desk totally free of anything but the barest functional items, and the table behind crammed full of pictures, to the point where you can't even see most of them...as if he's just trying to make sure all the right people have a picture on the table, regardless of whether he ever looks at them. Indeed, since they're behind the desk he can't even see them while he's working.
1. SugarFree 14 years ago
  
  Those are for when he stares contemplatively out the window, JFK style.
tgs 14 years ago

is biden wearing depends?
hmm 14 years ago

Biden - "GET OFF THE FUCKIN LAWN YOU DAMN KIDS!!"
Neu Mejican 14 years ago

I believe most - if not all - of the comments here have misinterpreted the headline. Meta man, meta.
1. EscapedWestOfTheBigMuddy 14 years ago
  
  You thinking of distractions?
  1. Neu Mejican 14 years ago
    
    But WHO is distracted and by WHAT?
Allard 14 years ago

Hey Joe, do you know what that means: "No more money to spend"?
Al Barger 14 years ago

This picture reminds me of a classic Napoleon XIV record that proclaims "I come from a place where the nuts hunt the squirrels"
Luke 14 years ago

"Hey Barack, what if we broke this window here? I read somewhere that breaking windows will stimulate the economy."

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