Reason Morning Links: Gabrielle Giffords Returns to Raise the Debt Ceiling, Egyptian Military Turns on Protestors, a Cop Gets Punished for Beating Someone

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  • How sweet: "Scores of Democrats initially held back from voting, to force Republicans to register their positions first. Then, as the time for voting wound down, Representative Gabrielle Giffords, Democrat of Arizona, returned to the floor for the first time since being shot in January and voted for the bill to jubilant applause and embraces from her colleagues. It provided an unexpected, unifying ending to a fierce standoff in the House." 
  • Los Vegas PD finds one of its own guilty for beating a videographer. 
  • Believing it to be cursed, Kyrgyzstan tears down its Statue of Liberty. 
  • Egyptian Army rousts protestors from Tahrir Square. 
  • New Jersey scofflaw Matthew LaCorte and his Ron Paul sign receive pro bono support from the ACLU. 
  • Jonathan Chait fantasizes about the debt deal destroying the GOP. 
  • D.B. Cooper is America's Princess Anastasia.

New at Reason.tv: Nanny of the Month for July 2011

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    1. This is your cease and desist notice, you little bastard

        1. Hmm, two spoofs sandwiching me. Is this some sort of libertarian sex?

          1. STEVE SMITH IS ONLY KIND OF LIBERTARIAN SEX!!! WOULD RATHER LIKE STEVE SMITH TO COME OVER AND RAPE?

            1. I don’t discriminate against hairy men but honey, you’re a libertarian, and I want to climax with an orgasm not end with the little boy question:

              was it good for you?

  1. Representative Gabrielle Giffords, Democrat of Arizona, returned to the floor for the first time since being shot in January and voted for the bill to jubilant applause and embraces from her colleagues.

    The bill included a secret rider that nullifies the 2nd Amendment within a one mile radius around a member of Congress.

    1. Smile when you say that.

    2. They were asking for a 100 mile radius, so this is actually a huge cut

      1. You’re not smiling ….

  2. When the SF Chronicle writer is calling the Leftist Democrat President incompetent, I can only assume it must be true.

    1. Deborah Saunders is an anti-WoDs conservative opinion writer. Yes Obama is incompetent but conservative editorial saying so isn’t much in the way of news.

      1. Deborah Saunders is an anti-WoDs conservative opinion writer…

        More like this, please.

        1. Sorry, she’s the only one.

        2. Deborah Saunders’ The world according to Gore is a good, if somewhat dated, read.

          She is certainly one of the best columnists in the conservative sphere. A conservative with strong leanings in the libertarian direction, I’d say.

  3. The Swedish answer to the Manhattan Project

    http://www.thelocal.se/35306/20110802/

    1. Never call the government to ask if what you are doing is legal.

      1. Never call the government to ask if what you are doing is legal.

    2. Reminds me of David Hahn. A sad story.

      1. It’s just too bad he didn’t obtain superpowers from all of his radioactive exploits.

        1. He got super radioactive meth sores if that counts for anything.

          1. “Clean energy”, my ass.

    3. Forget fission. Go for fusion.

      1. That whole slideshow is screaming “I’ve got untreatable gonorrhea”

      2. Did you see this one?

        1. The next one in the slideshow is exhibit A in a malpractice suit against a plastic surgeon.

          1. Is that collagen, or were they both punched in the mouth? I can’t tell the difference.

            1. The one on the right is a man, baby

      3. “his activities only came to the attention of the authorities a couple of weeks ago when he contacted the Swedish Radiation Authority (Str?ls?kerhetsmyndigheten)”

        Learning to spell in Sweden must really suck.

        1. Only exceeded in difficulty by Finnish, see below for examples

          http://www.hs.fi/

          When I would fly to Finalnd, it would take 3 times as long to recite the safety instructions in Finnish than in English

          1. Dude, that language looks like a bad joke perpetrated by typesetters. WTF?

            1. They’re good at drinking and killing Russians. Fitting their language to the Roman alphabet? Not so much.

      1. Fool! You’re not supposed to boast of your exploits. Next thing, they’ll catch you monologueing.

        1. NutraSweet is goatse?

          [shudders]

      2. Seems appropriate since she’s wearing an ass on her chest

      3. STEVE SMITH ALWAYS KNEW THAT ONE DAY, STEVE’S SMITH BROTHER WOULD GO TO FAR!!!

      4. Did no one notice the headline?

        “I want coming generations to say ‘in Sweden we celebrate midsummer by dancing around a vagina'”

        Y’know, I want that too. The world needs to be more surreal and absurd.

  4. Still, there is still a chance that Colling might go undisciplined for the March incident that was caught on video.

    Outside of termination, the worst fate he may suffer is a 40-hour unpaid suspension.

    Perhaps some cursory corrective training is not out of line? A course on how to delete video recordings seems indicated.

    1. Notice there is no chance he will be charged with assault and put on trial like any ‘civilian’ would be.

      1. Are you implying that losing 40 hours of pay out of his 4 month paid vacation isn’t enough punishment for this public servant?

        1. Would the fact that these public “servants” are authorized to punch you in the face if you disobey them qualify as irony?

        2. As a union member, he likely carries job insurance, which is paid out when a policy holder receives an unpaid suspension. When I worked as a union train dispatcher, the punishment for an incident (like running two trains together) or rules violation was an unpaid suspension. But for those employess who carried job insurance (or, as we called it, “runoff” insurance), such a suspension amounted to nothing more than a paid vacation.

      2. His job is to intimidate and assault people.
        That is what he is paid to do.
        His mistake was not the act of violence, but in allowing the public to witness it by not deleting the video.

        1. He’ll learn.

  5. Jonathan Chait fantasizes about the debt deal destroying the GOP.

    We’re destroying ourselves just fine without the debt deal.

  6. Believing it to be cursed, Kyrgyzstan tears down its Statue of Liberty.

    We didn’t tear ours down for being French.

    1. We didn’t tear ours down for being French.

      And look what happened to us.

      1. Yeah, twenty years after it was build some idiots put a bad poem on it about “huddled masses” and “wretched refuse” and look what has happened since then.

    2. Believing it to be cursed

      Yeah, that’s the ticket!

      1. Hey, Kyrgyzstan, uh… maybe the problem is YOU.

  7. In what state is Los Vegas?

    1. Paraiso, Tabasco… Mexico

    2. Simple is as simple does.

    3. There’s a Los Lunas in New Mexico.

    4. Sounds like a city in Grand Theft Auto.

  8. DB Cooper had the Romanov jewels hidden under his jacket. True fact. They’re what deflected the Bolshevik’s bullets and saved his life.

    1. That link actually had some DB Cooper info I hadnt heard before. The backup parachute was basically a prop. And sounds like Cooper was clueless about them in generally so I think there is a good chance he died (I had assumed that anyway). But if he didnt, the backup chute thing might explain the money found in 1980.

  9. http://wusa9.com/news/article/…..ts-Mom-500

    Woodpecker Saving Daughter Costs Mom $500

    The Mom could face up to a year in prison, too.

    1. So they are implementing the conservation of this protected species by harassing the people who kept the bird from being killed?

    2. So much “meat” in this story.

      1) Boycott Lowes.

      2) “The bird flew away” — right.

      3) Woodpecker-Saving Daughter is a great band name.

      ….

      1. Maybe the title implies that the woodpecker led the daughter to accept Christ, and the Mom was fined for it…

      2. I don’t think that the word “Daughter” has any place in a good band name.

        Now, “Woodpecker”, on the other hand…

        1. Speaking of ‘wood’ and ‘pecker’, good morning everyone.

          1. Not even in “Our Daughter’s Wedding”?

            1. Having never heard of that band, I can’t speak to their quality.
              But, no, it is not a good name.

            2. To elaborate:
              It’s a bad name because it’s either
              1) Serious, in which case it is too treacly to live
              2) “Ironic”, in which case it needs to be cleansed with fire

              1. I personally love irony/ironic detachment. But only when said ironic detachment is ironically affected.

                1. Well that’s sort-of like the “so bad it’s good” phenomenon: it doesn’t work if you’re doing it on purpose.

      3. I was at the John James Audobon house this weekend. There was a lady from the Audobon Society showing off a screech owl, so I told her about how, when I was a kid, we nursed back to health a hoot owl that my uncle had hit with his car. Her response, of course, was, “That’s illegal!”

        1. You did reply something like “No, it was an ill *owl*, you ….”, did you not?

        2. The Audubon museum I frequented had a mastodon skeleton. Does your Audubon museum have a mastodon skeleton?

            1. I remember seeing them play that in a shitty little club in Cleveland in 2003 or 2004. They blew out their borrowed amps, which made the show that much more awesome.

          1. It was the Audobon house in Audobon, PA, and the museum part was closed, unfortunately.

            My friend had a wedding there, and we all got drunk in Johnny Audobon’s barn afterward. I don’t know exactly why an owl was involved, but it made everything much better.

            1. Owls drink the tears of drunkards. Everyone knows that. That’s like the first day of Biology.

            2. Dude, did you ever see Winnie the Pooh? Owl was totally their DD.

        3. The irony is that Audobon killed millions of birds.

          Millions.

          1. Like Nobel and his dynamite.

      4. Night Elf… we’ve been over this. A band’s name has to be assessed by a drunken Brit yelling it out. Woodpecker work’s. Woodpeckah’ ‘Avings works. Daughter does not.

    3. That’s what you get for smuggling a pecker into Lowes.

      1. A pecker?! Where?!

    4. On the Swedish news site referenced above there was a story about a woman in legal trouble for saving a hedgehog. If it had been an African hedgehog she would have been okay, but since it was a Swedish one she was in trouble.

      Although we are encouraged to save the animals, actual animal saving seems to frequently be illegal.

      1. Only experts can save animals. Top. Men. How many times must you be told?

  10. Examining Fannie Mae (check out the graph)
    …Investigators found that Fannie Mae’s reported earnings per share closely tracked the targets set for executives to receive their maximum bonus payouts….

    Fannie Mae’s Johnson Was ‘Pied Piper,’ Drove U.S. Off Housing Cliff: Books
    James A. Johnson cuts a powerful figure as he makes his way around Wall Street and Washington in horn-rimmed glasses.

    He’s a man of prestige: vice chairman of private-equity firm Perseus LLC; head of the compensation committee at Goldman Sachs Group Inc. (GS); former adviser to Democratic presidential aspirants including, briefly, Barack Obama. …

    …Drawing on more than a decade of reporting, Morgenson and Rosner argue that Johnson laid out a blueprint for other institutions, from mortgage lender Countrywide Financial Corp. to Goldman Sachs. In his lobbying to preserve Fannie Mae’s government ties, Johnson showed bankers “how to control their controllers and produce the outcome they desired: lax regulation and freedom from any restraints that might hamper their risk taking and curb their personal wealth creation.” …

    …Ensconced in its colonial-style headquarters in Washington D.C., Fannie Mae automated its lending process, eliminating traditional due diligence, the authors say. It lowered standards, both on down payments and acceptable ratios between a borrower’s monthly mortgage payment and his or her income, they write. ..

    …We’re reminded, for example, of the “deeply symbiotic relationship” between Johnson and Angelo Mozilo, the tanned and French-cuffed CEO of Countrywide, which became Fannie Mae’s largest loan provider. …

      1. Wait, so Johnny Longtorso knew that Internal Affairs was setting him up the whole time?

        1. Thanks for the spoiler, asshole. Now I don’t even need to watch the movie.

    1. Fannie Mae’s Johnson
      Speaking of good band names…

      1. Wouldn’t it be cool to see Fannie Mae’s Johnson opening for Goldman’s Sacks?

    1. I did not need that photo halfway down the Hogwarts link during my morning coffee.

    2. “the hands-down best sex of your life”

      What does that even mean?

      1. Yeah, hands down what?

    3. It’s a decade old, but still poignant – Hipsters.

      Surprised the story in your link was in Houston, not Austin.

      1. There are hipster havens all over Houston. When I was living ther from the mid 90s to mid 2000s, The Heights had kind of picked up the torch but you could always go down to Rice Village. For all I know, the Heights is a ghetto again and hipsters have moved on to some other district.

    4. “He grabbed my crotch. Then he apologized, and we became friends.”

      That’s the way it always works.

  11. Shorter Chait – Declining revenues will split the GOP along war-monger/tax-terrorist lines.

    1. I make it a point never to read any article I’m sure was being written while the author was masturbating.

      1. Oh, that explains why you don’t visit my blog.

        1. No, it explains why he does visit my blog

            1. No don’t quit it. I’m pro-masturbation and it keeps helle and epi busy

    2. Sounds like a plan. That said, I don’t know that defense cuts will “split the GOP”. The Dems have enough financial interest in the war industry there that the GOP could possibly force a lot of the pain on team blue.

  12. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..r_embedded
    Israel’s biggest anti-govt protests ignored by media

  13. Rape me
    Rape me, my friend
    Rape me
    Rape me again

    i m not the only one .IIIII [3x]
    i m not the only one…

    Hate me
    Do it and do it again
    Waste me
    Rape me, my friend

    i m not the only one.IIIII [3x]
    i m not the only one…

    My favorite inside source
    I’ll kiss your open sores
    I appreciate your concern
    You’re gonna stink and burn

    Rape me
    Rape me, my friend
    Rape me
    Rape me, again

    i m not the only one ?, IIIII [3x]
    i m not the only one..

    Rape me! (Rape me!)[8x]
    Rape me!

    1. Finally, a musical I can get interested in.

  14. The hijacker…paid $18.52 to fly from Portland to Sea-Tac International Airport. After he demanded the plane land for cash and fuel, the plane set out for Reno.

    Just like Welch and Gillespie did on their book tour.

    1. Wait, Welch and Gillespie wrote a BOOK?!?!?

      1. Yes. About the Ground-Zero Mosque.

        1. Wrong. It is a fahion book with a Felix Unger and Oscar Madison theme

          1. Y’know, as much as I appreciate the journalism of the pair, I’m not looking to either one for fashion tips.

            1. I wouldn’t mind owning my own copy of Welch’s ‘Free Speech Zone’ t-shirt. (except it forgets Puerto Rico and Guam)

              1. forgets Puerto Rico and Guam

                Therefore MAINLANDIST!!!

                1. Heh. His remember’d Alaska & Hawaii at least, most don’t

  15. Help! My friend is stealing my style.
    http://www.theglobeandmail.com…..le2111864/

    “The answer: This is where it’s going to be interesting to hear a male point of view. Because I don’t know what you are talking about.”

    1. The first 3 replies were from women mocking the OP. My faith in womanhood is restored.

      1. Even better:

        jeanguytaberwet
        1:19 PM on August 1, 2011
        Not only that, she’s screwing your husband.

        1. Damn your quick fingers, Jay-Dub!

          1. He’s stealing your style.

        2. Now THAT is funny.

      2. Here’s my favorite:

        Not only that, she’s screwing your husband.

    2. That was awesome. I read the question and figured the answer would be something predictable, not “suck it up.”

    3. That’s going in the bookmarks. Another winner, with a pithy answer…

      Q. What do you think about women who wear ties ? androgynously sexy or too Paula Poundstone?

      A. …the short answer to your question is that, to most men, the phrase “androgynously sexy” is an oxymoron.

  16. Stop resisting…

  17. Believing it to be cursed, Kyrgyzstan tears down its Statue of Liberty.

    Judging from the amount of freedom in Kyrgyzstan, they may be right…

  18. Representative Gabrielle Giffords, Democrat of Arizona, returned to the floor for the first time since being shot in January and voted for the bill to jubilant applause and embraces from her colleagues.

    There will never be Peak Cynicism.

    1. I’m confused on this. Doesn’t this mean that the Loughners of the world will have won if this bill fails to become law?

    2. I like how they allow a person with some degree of brain damage to vote on the laws that govern us. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

      1. Are you trying to imply that other members of Congress have fully functioning brains?

        Have you ever had a conversation with one of them?

        People do not seek out a life in politics because they are smart.

        1. In that they haven’t had a 9mm lobotomy, yes, I am.

          1. But she’s a hero!
            I mean, any criticism of her must be rooted in hate.
            Why do you hate her so much?
            Why do you side with the shooter?
            She’s a hero!
            Hater!

      2. Psst. It was a “special” vote that didn’t influence the outcome.

      3. Don’t worry scro’! There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was ‘tarded. She’s a pilot now.

        1. “Pilot.” Is that what you kids are calling it now?

      4. “The debt limit. So easy, even the brain damaged can do it.”

      5. *picture of an egg*

        “This is your brain.”

        *picture of egg dropped from a 10 story bldg while it’s pouring rain*

        “This is your brain on Congress.”

    3. Yeah, it was pretty crass that she allowed herself to be used as a prop to legitimize that three-ring circus.

      1. One would sort of hope that a near-death experience would give her a new perspective….*shrug*, I think it’s proof that people who run for elected office are sub-human, and no amount of broad-ranging-experiences will make them any less of a parasite.

        1. I was watching the news reports on this, and apparently her participation was the result of some confabbing over Twitter between Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Giffords’ husband. That just added a whole other layer of slime to the event, considering DWS is supposed to be a good friend of Giffords, yet had no problem manipulating her into this grotesque photo-op. So I’m not as much disappointed in Giffords as I am disgusted with Wasserman-Schultz. With friends like that, you don’t need enemies.

          Doesn’t really speak well for Giffords’ husband that he was in on this ridiculous piece of kabuki theater too.

      2. She has had no exposure or scrutiny since that idiot shot her. I doubt she is capable of performing even the most basic functions of her job.

        Either she is a narcissist who doesn’t care she can’t do her job, or her brain damage has rendered her incapable of even knowing where she is. Either way, if any of us hired someone on a two year contract and they took a 9 month paid leave in the middle of it, we’d be none too happy. Instead, the dumbshits

        1. Instead, the dumbshits down in AZ will undoubtably be moved to reelect her again next year when she has done less that 25% of her duties.

          1. How much you want to bet she winds up running unopposed? What person with any political aspirations wants to be the first person who asks “Okay, just how much brain damage have you suffered?”

            If I was her opponent I’d be begging for a series of debates and spend the entirety of the debate just jumping from topic to topic in no sense of order.

        2. Episiarch|1.8.11 @ 2:39PM
          Fuck the politician.

          joshua corning|1.8.11 @ 2:54PM
          American Politicians are killing American citizens today. Why should I know and care about a congresswoman’s death?

          Warty|1.8.11 @ 7:47PM
          Fuck off. Did you expect us to give a shit about some shitbag politician?

        3. or her brain damage has rendered her incapable of even knowing where she is

          Wasserman-Schultz was on the Today show this morning crowing about how Giffords actually recognized people in the House chambers. Winning the future!

    4. Too bad she didn’t learn anything during her convalescence.

  19. Plant a garden, go to jail…Come on that sounds ridiculous.I am sick and tired of such nonsense.

    1. I anxiously await Half-Life 3 so that my urge to kill trans-dimensional zombies will be satisfied

      1. Battlefield 3 brah!!

        1. Did you get on the Alpha test? This game is gonna be sick!

    1. IT’S A TRAP!!!

      1. I wouldn’t click a rather link for $50k.

        1. I would click a rather link for $50k.

          1. cynical, do you take bitcoins?

  20. Now that the radiation from the tsunami has made it to North America, will the governments of Canada and the US be able to protect us?

    What will the new agency be called?

    Will the nice officers at the radiation checkpoints also be tasked with checking for seat belts, insurance, and blood alcohol levels?

    Will radioactive marijuana be the next treatment for cancer?

    Will back yard gardens be made illegal?

    1. The (Japaneese)government charges that the damage caused by earthquakes and by the nuclear accident are being magnified by irresponsible rumors, and the government must take action for the sake of the public good. The project team has begun to send “letters of request” to such organizations as telephone companies, internet providers, cable television stations, and others, demanding that they “take adequate measures based on the guidelines in response to illegal information. “The measures include erasing any information from internet sites that the authorities deem harmful to public order and morality.

      http://www.examiner.com/civil-…..ation-news

    1. So, we traded 10 years worth of “spending reduction” for 1.5 years of borrowing and declared victory. Yay for Tax Reform Republicans!

      /sarc

    2. What the hell happened to this guy.

      He started to believe his own BS?

    3. He’s hoping for financial collapse. Any step towards that end looks good to him.

    4. He still thinks that preventing tax increases alone can lead to change.

  21. Union contracts can be voided.

    http://newsblog.projo.com/2011…..falls.html

    All contracts with municipal workers and retirees, including the fire and police departments, are immediately voided.

    Retirees must begin to pay 20 percent of their medical coverage effective immediately…

    1. I just caught a whiff of a glimmer of hope.

      1. “Update: Robert G. Flanders and Governor Chafee [Chofur] have been arrested by the FBI for treason.”

        1. And just like that, it’s gone.

          1. *cue the Coming To America soundtrack*

  22. Would someone kindly link to the actual Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Balanced Budget and Emergency Deficit Control Act of 1985?

    Please don’t ask me to Google it, go to Thomas, or similar stuff. If you know where the text is, not a description or summary, please help.

      1. Thanks, NoVAHockey, for your serious reply. However, these are extracts affecting Social Security. Finding this thing is weirdly difficult!

          1. The National Institutes of Health. Of course! (Smacks forehead.)

            Thank you very much, Jerry.

        1. From Thomas, here is their page on the status of the bill: http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/…../~bdHCaE::|/home/LegislativeData.php?n=BSS;c=99| That page may not go through. If it doesn’t, you want Thomas’s page for H.J. Res 372, for the 99th Congress. It does not include text, but does say that it became P.L. 99-177. The text for P.L. 99-177 can be found here: http://history.nih.gov/researc…..99-177.pdf

          1. That “preview” doesn’t show additions to the thread since hitting reply is yet another thing wrong with this site.

    1. Skydivers are like sharks. Sometimes they die when they stop moving.

    2. He didn’t die falling. He died slamming into the earth.

      1. He didn’t die from slamming into the earth. He died from a lack of medical attention to the massive wounds. Proper procedures were followed.

    3. Ted Kennedy remains one of the more baffling figures in modern politics to me. I can’t fathom how he continued to get elected. MA is either crooked as a corkscrew, or the voters are retarded. Yes, I consider both as a possibility, too.

      1. MA is either crooked as a corkscrew, or the voters are retarded.

        Yes. And more of the latter – I know that seems impossible, but, I give you [all pols elected in MA, and, yes, that includes Scott “Beefcake” Brown]

      2. A “feature” of the seniority system is that, even if your representative is a drooling vegetable, e.g. Strom Thurmond, it still benefits you to keep electing him, as that way he maintains his plum committee chair(s). Once s/he loses those, your district loses it’s place at the federal hog trough.

        This is in addition to all of the other gigantic advantages your Congressional incumbent already has.

      3. That would be retahded. Get it right!

        1. Come on, only the lunatics from the eastern fringe of the state talk like that. The rest of us know how to speak.

          1. Next on the list:
            Learn how to drive

            1. I drove to Pennsylvania one weekend and couldn’t believe how many assholes were on the road.

          2. And which ones kept electing Uncle Teddy to the Senate?

            1. See my comment below.

      4. Yes, the voters are retarded. And there are so many of them that the non-retarded people can’t possibly outnumber them anymore so we don’t even bother to vote.

      5. Knowing several Massachusetts voters, I can say with confidence that they are so high on their own farts that the resulting brain damage looks for all the world like mental retardation. It also causes them to perceive crookedness as the normal way of life.

    4. an emergency deployment mechanism that would have released his emergency chute as a fail-safe had not been properly activated prior to the jump.

      Almost fail-safe.

  23. I’m guessing that Officer Thuggo is talking shit but does anyone know if it is true that it is not legal to videotape from someone else’s property? With the owner’s permission?

    And when the guy told him that it was his property, why wasn’t he *immediately* released? Oh, that’s right, the arresting cop was violating protocols so why not add detaining someone who had done nothing wrong to the list…

    1. does anyone know if it is true that it is not legal to videotape from someone else’s property?

      Aw, c’mon – do you really need an answer to that? From your question, the answer should be obvious.

      The cop is fulla shit. Shocker, I know.

      1. Thank you. The answer to your question is ‘yes’.

    2. If the cop says it is illegal then it is illegal, even if it is not illegal.
      You are supposed to unquestioningly obey these kind public servants, even if what they are doing is illegal, and then take it up in court later.
      If you can’t afford an attorney, tough shit for you.
      So says the Supreme Court.

  24. Ron Paul in 4th at 10% according to latest Rasmussen

    Also, how much more traction could the Dems have gotten if they called it the debt roof instead of the debt ceiling? “Obama wants to raise the roof!” He could’ve restored some of that 2007-8 magic, before the economy went to shit and we all knew how bad he sucked.

    1. The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn
      Burn motherfucker burn

      Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I’m a dumb white guy
      I’m not old or new but middle school, fifth grade like junior high
      I don’t know mofo’ if y’all peeps be buggin’ give props to my ho ’cause she fly
      But I can take the heat ’cause I’m the other white meat known as Kid Funky Fry
      Yeah I’m hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye
      But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don’t shine
      ‘Cause I’m kind of like Han Solo always strokin’ my own Whookie
      I’m the root of all that’s evil yeah but you can call me Cookie

      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      The roof the roof the roof is on fire
      We don’t need no water let the motherfucker burn
      Burn motherfucker burn

      Yo yo this hardcore ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice
      I’m not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is,
      So if man is five and the Devil is six than that must make me seven
      This honkey’s gone to heaven
      But if I go to hell well then I hope I burn well
      I’ll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Welk
      And Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimmy Hendrix’ poltergeist
      And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis cuz he’s the anti-christ

    2. “Who let the Obamas out, roof, roof, roof, who let the Obamas, roof, roof, roof…”

  25. The NY Times attempts to explain why Americans are tuning out Democrats.

    But…

    Jared Bernstein does it better.

    If too many Americans don’t believe in or understand what government does to help them, to offset recessions, to protect their security in retirement and in hard times, to maintain the infrastructure, to provide educational opportunities and health care decent enough to offset the disadvantages so many are born with?if those functions are unknown, underfunded, and/or carried out poorly, why should they care about how much this deal or the next one cuts?

    Those of us who do care about the above will not defeat those who strive to get rid of it all by becoming better tacticians. We will only find success when a majority of Americans agrees with us that government is something worth fighting for.

    1. Jesus H Fucking Christos, that is some Class A stoopid right there.

      We need to turn Loughner loose on an unsuspecting “journalizm” corps…

    2. The Bernstains of the world don’t think it’s “fair” as long as anyone has a dime more in his or her pocket than required for subsistence living.
      Then they will use “social justice” to decide who gets a dacha in Hawaii and who gets to work free three months a year in stoop labor to provide said dacha.

    3. Not exactly a winning battlecry –

      give me government! Give me slavery!! Give me a large bureaucracy that is only interested in its own self-survival!!!

    4. …fighting …

      Since when has ‘fighting’ meant sniveling like whiny, little bitches?

    5. The Democrats have to start detoxifying politics by proposing to severely limit or bar individual and corporate campaign contributions, which would mean a fight with the Supreme Court. They must make the case for public financing of campaigns and force the broadcast and cable networks to provide free time for candidate ads.

      Pure fuckwit.

      1. Virginia, why do you hate the American Nazi Party? Shouldn’t they get just as much free airtime as anyone else?

        ANTI RACIST!!!

      2. Fucking First Amendments…how do they work?

    6. BARACK OBAMA can’t catch a break from the American public on the economy, even though he prevented a depression and saved global capitalism.

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  26. A couple of weeks ago there was a story in the paper about license plates. There is a guy whose job it is to make certain the three letters on the plate don’t spell an offensive word (e.g., ASS, GUN). So today I see an unmarked pig car had pulled a guy over. And the license on the pig car?

    THC 702

    1. “Are ‘ass’ and ‘poo’ taken?”

      1. “But my NAME is Joe Asspoo. You telling me I can’t have my OWN FUCKING NAME on my license plate?”

        “Yes, Mr. Asspoo…it’s true.”

        1. “It is pronounced as-WE-pay”

          1. +12 roll “bonus” pack

      2. Good thing it wasn’t FTP702. 8-(

      3. Serious question: Do states with only one (I was going to say “rear”, but …) license plate have restrictions on “fake” front plates? E.g., PA apparently has no problem with JESUS.

        1. KY is such a state. There are seemingly no restriction on the front plate. I’ve seen a mix of everything, including one guy with PORN LORD on his front plate (and a few other places on his car.)

          But for all the variety, I’m pretty sure “Missy” in airbrushed script with a beach background is about 58% percent of all front licence plates in Kentucky.

          1. including one guy with PORN LORD on his front plate

            So, in the doomsday-movie scenario where we need the blood of a virgin, we know EXACTLY where to get it.

        2. When I first moved to Florida, it was kind of common for newcomers to leave the plate from their former state on the front when they registered their cars here. I never heard of anyone having any problems.

          Some time in the last thirty years or so this seems to have gone out of style.

          1. Plenty of “Jesus” and local radio call signs tags about these days, though.

    2. Since when has law enforcement had to obey the law?

      1. i think, once upon a time, people would retaliate against unlawful law enforcers, with torches, pitchforks, and maybe some polehooks to pull them off their horses.

        so, when was the dividing line? either the mass-adoption of the automobile or the point when the police amassed enough arms to put down 20pitchforkrebellions/hour.

        1. I’d say the dividing line was when the word “not” in the Second Amendment was interpreted to mean “under certain circumstances”.

    3. A few months back here a state trooper was found to have a stolen dealer plate on his unmarked cruiser that he took from someone he had pulled over.

      And nothing else happened.

  27. MoJo ponders the question, “What if sexual orientation is a choice?

    I think that the problem with the “100% nature, 0% nurture” argument is that people are dicks, and would totally abort a gay kid in the womb, and such.

    Remember ladies: You can’t be smart, female, and conservative at the same time.

    This one goes out to our own Dagny T. DAGNY:

    If there is one group of people I utterly despise, it’s these Dagny Taggart types who push the “tough woman” image-as long as said tough women defer to men. The women who say “Women need to take their rightful place in the home and stop speaking out and working-so I am going to leave my home, let my husband take care of the kids, and work at speaking out about how women should stay at home!” The hypocrites who will talk about how tough they are, and then throw other women under the bus to make sure the men still pat them on the head and support them. More than anything, those are the women holding the rest of us back: and it just makes me furious and disgusted.

    I mean, that’s classic you, right Dagny? /vomit

    1. Huh? What? Are there actually women like that on the planet? Why haven’t I met them? Do they put out? Wait – are they ATTRACTIVE and do they put out?

      Also, WTF?

      Oh, wait – jezebel – got it…

    2. I think that the problem with the “100% nature, 0% nurture” argument is that people are dicks, and would totally abort a gay kid in the womb, and such.

      I think it’s a little silly to entirely eliminate the “choice” factor in some cases. Yeah, for the most part it’s biological, but I’ve known “lesbians” who switched teams simply because they got fed up with men, not because they’d actually been attracted to women their whole lives.

      The wife of one of my buddies almost broke up their marriage because she “thought” she might be a lesbian. The absurdity of the assertion aside, they’re both university professors and stereotypical SWPLs, and a lot of her confusion resulted from hanging around so many actual lesbians in the school’s English department.

      1. Well, I think it can be explained simply by the Kinsey scale. Few people are really, truly, either hetero or homo…most people are some degree of bisexual. It’s the desert island theory, as I like to call it: Most people, if trapped on a desert island for ten years with a person who they wouldn’t normally be attracted to due to gender, will, over 10 years, at least CONSIDER fucking the other person.

        I think that we make hetero and homosexual the categories because we like people to fit in to neat little boxes, not because it’s necessarily true.

      2. Just look at the identical twin studies. If it were purely genetic, then you would see a 100% match. Since you don’t, it’s silly to say that it’s 100% nature. But people don’t like complexity.

        1. I’m lying.

    3. a gay kid in the womb

      *paging Mario Cantone*

  28. Heh. This video makes one reconsider gardening hobby.

  29. Whorin’ and whinin’ and whinin’ about whorin’

    “I never thought it would come to this. I got on the train and I felt dirty. I mean, I had just gotten money for having sex,” says Taylor, who never heard from the guy in Greenwich again. “I guess I accomplished what I needed to do. I needed the money for school. I just did what needed to be done.”

    1. Oh, yes, and don’t miss this pimp commander’s awesome line.

      “It’s a very expensive job,” says Jack, a 70-year-old sugar daddy, who describes himself as a “humanitarian” interested in helping young women in financial need.

      1. It’s still way fucking cheaper than getting remarried to a gold-digger.

    2. This is new to some segment of the world? Hmm. I knew girls who did this 15 years ago when the economy was better and college was cheaper.

    3. In her profile on the site, Taylor describes herself as “a full-time college student studying psychology and looking to meet someone to help pay the bills.”

      By shoring, this Taylor chick may have reached her full potential. Anyone stupid enough to go to Hunter, major in Psych and accumulate over $15k in debt by age 22 should expect to spend the rest of their life bent over.

  30. Gawker notices teh Kochtopus!!!

    Meanwhile…

    The Economist notices that only 21% of Americans self identify as liberal to very liberal.

    While I think that at some sites, like Reason, it appears there are more libertarians than there really are, I think many liberals suffer from a bad case of confirmation bias. I mean, think of it: You live in a big city (full of liberals) on the coast, you watch news (which may strive for objectivity but polls show they almost all vote Democratic) you go to say… Huffington Post, Gawker, and AV Club for your news (all of whom have, at the very least, an overwhelmingly liberal commentary base)… you start to wonder how the hell Republicans ever win, because everything and everyone around you is liberal.

    1. Those damn tractor pulls are very hypnotic. Just watching a single one changes you for life.

    2. http://msgboard.snopes.com/cgi…..000028;p=0

      Somewhat related – “Everyone I know voted for McGovern” meme

    3. Most progressives rarely go outside their own ideological hugbox–it makes it a lot harder to demonize those who don’t share your views when you know them on anything more than a superficial level.

      1. Part of the problem is that liberals, socialists etc interpret the fact that people vote them into office as agreement with the whole platform rather than the fact that the voters just want a bunch of free stuff.

        Thusly Labour in Britain found itself shocked when nationalizing whole swathes of British industry and running it into the ground proved unpoular. They didn’t realize that all the voters had really wanted was someone to pay their doctors’ bills.

        Likewise, American “progressives” are astonished when they find that the voters who elected them to get free money don’t like it when they want to let homos get hitched and everyone getting free abortions.

        1. It strikes me that politicians, particularly progressive politicians, are like parents who feel that they have to buy their kids whatever those little shits want so that their kids will like them. And then wonder why their supporters are such selfish, rotten little brats. Well, they probably don’t actually wonder that, but still.

  31. http://www.detnews.com/article…..th-lawyers

    C’mon, fellow Michiganderainians!! Let’s elect Kwame to congress! He puts his criminal self right out there – you KNOW what’s coming at you! No guessing!

    1. Why not? Michigan is like Mad Max but with snow.

      1. We’re up on an island in Lake Michigan as we speak. Anything north of Lansing is basically paradise. This island is. Even in the winter (tip: bring your snowmobile).

        Southeast MI? Basically fucked, and a horrid place to live…I know, that’s where I live 🙁

        1. Mackinac?

          1. “Lake Michigan” – not the straits on the Huron side 🙂 We went there last year…

        2. Sleeping Bear?

          My old man has a house on Lake Michigan – some empty acre he bought in 1979 for only $27k. So yeah, I’ve spent much of my life on the shores of that body of water.

  32. 6 “Progressive” Parenting Fads that are gaining ground.

    And yes, the child called it aka Storm, is on there.

    Remember when the New York Times wasn’t considered a partisan rag? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

    Remember when you ran over that hobo last year? Pepperidge Farm remembers… and if you don’t click my links, Pepperidge Farm will fucking bury you.

    1. The lotus birth is just downright sick. Yeah, leaving a rotting mass of flesh attached to your baby makes all kinds of sense.

      Even barnyard animals have got more sense than these hipster douchebags.

  33. I see the future of the GOP as a war between business interests. The ones who created and support the tea party are the worst of the worst–guys who want to go on polluting for free. A radical antigovernment ideology might suit them, but it won’t be so appealing to defense contractors and others who control what’s left of the Bush-era and prior Republicans.

    1. Is there a Tony-Bot comment creator somewhere? If not, it would be easy to write.

      1. easy, sure, but still time consuming. IMO, the humor/effort ratio doesn’t pay off.

        1. dunphy is funnier. Like yesterday when he revealed that Rage Against the Machine is his favorite band (NTTAWWT).

    2. You forgot “extreme”.

      You’re always supposed to use the word “extreme”.

      Didn’t you get the memo?

      1. I’m so sorry. My mistake. Republicans are great! They want what’s best for the country! Does that suit you?

        1. They’re G-G-G-G-REAT!

    3. Tony, Republicans don’t hate government. They LOVE it. How else can they go to war and put people in prison for a few bucks’ worth of pot?

      1. Of course, they just don’t like the parts of government that help people.

        1. but putting people in prison does help them!

        2. There are parts of government that help people?

          I call bullshit.

          1. No its true!

            Government helps people in government!

          2. Bullshit? But doesn’t turning people into dependent sheep “help” them?

    4. “guys who want to go on polluting for free”

      Kind of like you do here.

    5. “I see the future of the GOP as a war between business interests.”

      Ha! I knew it! Tony is William Gibson.

  34. NOOOOO SAVE THE SWEATSHOPS

    Bonus:

    I’m an iPhone owner and have decided I will not purchase anything from Apple again. The phone cost a silly ?499 which I shouldn’t have paid for it, but it seems with Apple that profits are more important than human beings. Makes me feel sick.
    – Scott (18), Bristol, 02/8/2011 12:05

    1. Shame on apple and shame Foxconn your greed has no bounds and I will never be a led like a sheep to the slaughter and buy your products. PEOPLE BEFORE PROFIT.

      Delicious dissonance.

    2. I don’t even know what to say to this. This has outmatched my “witty response” circuits…

    3. ‘Of course some companies will consider moving their manufacturing overseas, but it’s easier said than done when the supply chain is here.’

      DEY TURK CHINEESE JERBS!

    4. I love it. Really. This just continues to prove that market economies are awesome. No longer are there half a billion poor chinese poeple, but instead a populous so well fed they can strike.

    1. That’s when Deputy Nicholis Whiteman, who had just arrived at the scene, “dropped his gun belt on the sand and ran in to assist Mavila.”

      The etymology of the name Whiteman goes back to western Europe. It translates as “white man”.

      Even in saving a life, the officer’s instinct is to yell, “Stop resisting!”

      1. Why on earth did he drop his gunbelt?!
        People who are drowning are notorious for resisting!

    2. Synthetic spines are on their way.

      I would say let’s get some for our congresscritters, but I think you need to have a real one first. As TrickyVic once said “They couldn’t find a spine if it was hanging from a hooker’s snatch.”

    1. Should I repeat my above reply here too? Or say something about the fake spines meaning Congress can now go back to holding town halls in their districts?

  35. We GET IT, NY Times. You’re not a fan of the Tea Party.

    The byline is great:
    “We’ve got a deal on the debt ceiling, all right. One that will reduce the national deficit and wreck the economy.”

    Hackers could spring people from prisons.

    Hopefully, this will lead to a scenario in which someone is forced to say, “Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”

  36. Also, as a personal note…

    I just killed it at stand up last night. The night before I was Glenn Reynolds featured blog comment. (Although, after emailing him to thank him, Reynolds said he did consider adding Old Salt’s comment below me, but felt he had reached his “Insta-profanity” limit. Never change, Glenn).

    All in all, it is shaping up to be a good week. Also…

    I’m Goldwater… and you’re not!

    1. I’m Goldwater… and you’re not!

      And the nation breathes a sigh of relief at the news.

    2. Get back to me when your brave enough to go onstage without your make-up gimmick.

      1. Well, how else do you expect me to do stand up, huh?

        And yes, I too am sad that the clip of him in the 60s, interviewing the AFL head, is not online.

  37. OH! A;most forgot! It’s that time – yep, everyone make your predictions for the World Pipe Band Championship contest this weekend. pipes|drums.com has their usual contest going – set of RG Hardie pipes to the winning piper, and a lovely Premier snare to the winning entry from a drummer.

    Cast your votes here: http://www.pipesdrums.com/View…..;-ID=18629

    Me? Duh – Field Marshal Montgomery first as always. They’re undefeated so far this season. I’ll have only one Canadian band sneaking into the top 6, plus at least 2 Scottish bands.

    Good luck!

    /ethnic subculture

  38. Hi, I’m Jane. My husband Shane and I are planning a Koi assisted water birth for our son,…

    http://koibirth.blogspot.com/

    1. Oh, for FUCK’s sake…

    2. The koi… assist?

      1. They eat the placenta.

        1. Is this for reals, or just another Japanese anime plot line?

          1. *giggle*

        2. I thought that was the mother’s job?

    3. You’re a hater, Almanian.

      From the comments:

      Haters gonna hate, right? Sometimes, just sometimes, as a woman, as a mama, we KNOW what we need to help us and our babes along the mystic spiral of life and death. My first baby came earthside in a truly soul-less hospital, into latex gloved hands under all these lights and with machines beeping everywhere. For baby #2 I just KNEW I needed to be outside so in the end, listening to my inner wisdom, I chose to birth out in the woods. It was a beautiful, soul-satisfying outdoor unassisted labour and birth – with a fox barking under a full moon and an owl flying past. I left my placenta as a gift to mother earth who had nurtured us, and my son is still such a wood lover and a fox is definitely his totem animal. I am due with Baby 3 in November and am strongly sensing this child wants to come to us in the ocean. It will be cold but at this time of year the mama seals give birth on our beach so I am sensing Baby has a soul connection to these beautiful creatures and wants to be united with them in birth. YOur baby will have such a great connection to your beautiful koi! I love that my son and baby 3 have their powerful spirit guide animals – DD#1 just has this obsession with doctors and hospitals and is a hypochondriac due to her birth experience. Blessings to you mama! Love in Mother Earth, Willow

      1. Dude, the only chick named Willow who was ever cool was fucking Tara on Buffy.

        1. +1

          Though as time-spent-with-Tara increased the annoyingness-of-Willow approached 1.

      2. Foxes don’t bark.

    4. that’s gotta be a poor attempt at satire. Unlike the awesomeness witnessed on P&T’s Bullshit with Dolphin (Wouldn’t Dolph Lundgren Assisted births be so much cooler?) assisted birthing.

    5. Gonna keep this in mind. Assistance for the birth aside, it’d give me something to watch while waiting.

    6. That cinches it. As a species, we are too stupid to survive.

    7. She will probably serve up the placenta with some fava beans and a nice Chianti afterwards. If the koi don’t get to it first.

    8. So many hilarious lines in the comments:

      How will the midwife check for meconium/check your blood loss if the water is purple?

      And you do know you will more than likely poo in the water?

      And won’t the hydrogen peroxide sting like a bugger on your fanjo if you have a tear?

  39. Affluent blacks and Hispanics live in neighborhoods that are noticeably poorer than neighborhoods where low-income whites live, according to a new study that suggests income alone does not explain persistent segregation patterns in housing.

    His is the third study in the past week to document how minorities have fallen behind whites in both income and wealth.

    The Pew Research Center reported that the wealth gap between whites and minorities is at a historic high, largely because of the slide in housing prices.

    A study by the National Urban League found that 30 years of economic gains for blacks were lost in the recession.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..story.html

    1. Conclusion: fault rests with failed social engineering policies like the Community Reinvestment Act

      No?

      1. Hey CRA was great for the real estate bubble, and Fannie, and Freddie, and JP Morgan, and….

    2. I guess it never occurred to the author of the study that affluent blacks and Hispanics prefer to live in neighborhoods with other affluent blacks and Hispanics, which is the far more obvious lesson.

      1. If government relied on the obvious answers it would put itself out of business.

    3. I hope you have better strawmen than that for today.

    4. I see more affluent blacks and hispanics living in predominantly white neighborhoods all the time.

    5. No, the other factor is that most people feel more comfortable living around people “like them”, and that goes for minorities as well as whites.

      And no, I’m not excusing white people trying to keep people of other races/ethnicities/sexual orientations out of their neighborhoods, if that happens. But there’s a huge difference between not wanting one black guy in your white neighborhood, and not wanting to be the one black guy in a white neighborhood.

  40. Guys. Last night at Powell’s, I touched the Jacket.

    And nothing else happened.

    1. did you feel the raging soul of the werecow that was used to make the supple leather?

    2. Warning: Touching the Jacket may cause you to develop super powers. Please wait 3-6 weeks for powers to develop, then please contact your nearest beloved father figure so that he may die tragically as a result of said powers.

    3. Did a tingle go up your leg?

  41. Looks like its gonna be a good day.

    http://www.privacy-tools.no.tc

  42. “Of course, they just don’t like the parts of government that help people get on the dole and stay there.

    FIFY’d. No charge.

  43. Regarding Egypt I think it was a mistake so support their revolution. They really are a bunch of terrible authoritarian people.

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