Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative

"Socially liberal, fiscally conservative": It's a formula you've heard many times before, but what does it mean in practice? The Onion is here to help:

Yes, I believe roads should be privatized—as should fire departments, law enforcement, and basic water and sewer infrastructure. But I also believe the traditional "nuclear" family is an inadequate social safety net, and that every baby born should be raised by at least 14 people, including at least four gay men and/or lesbians. And Marxism should be taught in schools. But there should be no public schools. And everyone should be required by law to participate in women's empowerment seminars. But the heavily armed stormtroopers enforcing this law should be independent contractors. Down with the fat cats living high off government subsidies! Hands off my individualized, personal Larry-dollars! And also, hands off my uterus. Just because I'm a "man" doesn't mean I can't have a uterus.

Read the whole thing.