President Obama: Not a Teen Idol After All

President Obama, it turns out, has not been immortalized as a teen heartthrob on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine. Apparently, however, this is news to The New York Times, which recently published the following correction: 

A series of pictures last Sunday of covers of the magazine Tiger Beat, with an article about how the original teen-girl tabloid has remained virtually unchanged since its inception in 1965, erroneously included a parody cover, produced by the satiric newspaper The Onion, that featured a picture of President Obama.

Via Gawker. 

Comments

[Jerry]

All the News That's Fit to Photoshop.

[Or]

All the news that's fixed to print.

[Sudden]

The sad part is that it wouldn't be surprising to see his face on the cover of this or that teeny bopper magazine. Its great irony because his base is the young crowd that thinks its so cool to have a black prez, but his policies stand to hurt those under 25 more than any other group.

[Episiarch]

The young'uns don't vote, dude. Hurting them doesn't cost a politician at all. You'd think that votes to legalize weed, lower the drinking age, or reduce restrictions on driving would pass with a huge majority, yet they don't, because the kids don't vote.

[The Enforcer]

half-white president or half-black president?

[I Don't Wipe]

http://www.comparestoreprices......bottle.jpg

[Heroic Mulatto]

No comment.

[R C Dean]

Half-assed President.

[Ass subsidy]

He has no ass, he should take part of his wife's.

[Rob]

Yeah, Rupal does have quite an ass.

[Pengar]

What's the difference?

[The Onion]

pwned

[Wise Man]

The New York Times. The paper of record. Layers and layers of fact-checkers. Independent and critical thinking editors and columnists.

Tripping over their own stupidity, laziness, and arrogance? Priceless.

[cynical]

Employs Tom Friedman.

[Pauly Krugnuts]

You'll always be MY teen heartthrob, Barry!

[Kristen]

I thought those three chicks dudes on the cover were Menudo.

[wylie]

I said "trite", not "tripe."

[Link directory]

This process can be engaged in a group, but you don't want to influence anyone or be swayed by someone as you create your initial free-form dream list of goals.

[In media res]

"Come down here honey", rather said as she jacked off the dead,
waiting hungrily for their seed. "This is what turns you on isn't
it? Come down here and join in. I must be honest with you
though, since you are my husband and I love you. I think I
prefer the taste of dead cum over yours." All the zombies
began to ejaculate at the same time. Their semen shot in the
air like a hose. All of their streams of goo met about thirty feet
in the air, directly above her head, where they blended together
swirling in the air like a cloud before flowing down upon her in
one big stream. Gregory Smith opened his mouth to scream but before
he could utter a single sound a large lightning strike of man
juice erupted from the cloud splattering into him. He turned his
head and coughed out what he could but the cum kept barreling
into him, pushing him into the building. He tried to move but
slipped and fell. The river of cum carried him down the steps,
like a waterslide, where he landed two floors down in a sea of
spooge. He paddled and fought the current that was pulling
him towards the zombies and his wife. It was no use. The
zombies parted and he flowed right into the center of the circle,
where he came face to face with his wife. The semen had quit
showering. He was able to sit up.

[AU H20]

Has anyone actually been reading these things?

Cuz they're kinda awesome. I mean, where but Reason would you get shit about zombies ejaculating?

[SugarFree]

I've been keeping up with them. They are pretty good. It's a little wall-of-text. Some formatting would go a long way on the readability front.

[Episiarch]

They're definitely funny. Smaller bits would be better, because more people would read them.

[Warty]

The semen had quit showering. He was able to sit up.

Absolutely brilliant.

[SugarFree]

Brings to mind a fire hose of semen, sweeping people off their feet. A coursing, pearlescent river of spunk oozing into storm drains to impregnate the fertile CHUD matriarchs.

[Warty]

Have you ever seen any of those pornos where they shoot gallons of fake jizz on the girl? I think I know what res likes to jack off to.

[SugarFree]

Fake jizz?!?

Bonerkiller.

[Zeb]

Yeah, what the fuck is that? I would be happy if I never saw a real comeshot again in my life.

[The Immaculate Trouser]

I've been spoiled by Sugarfree. This is nothing compared to the disturbing masterpieces that he's composed on these threads.

[Warty]

It does lack a certain something at present, but the author might develop into something special with a little practice.

[Episiarch]

These are being copied and pasted, and then having rectal's name added, from sites on the internet that let people post their disturbing fantasy slash fic.

[SugarFree]

Aw, man... Copy pasta? I hate loading up on carbs.

[Episiarch]

Jizz doesn't have carbs, you dope.

[prolefeed]

Jizz has sucrose, the energy source that propels the sperm, and sugars are a simple carb.

I'd link to the wikipedia article, but feeling lazy this am.

[Episiarch]

Look, dude, don't ruin my jabs at NutraSweet with facts, OK?

[SugarFree]

Jizz doesn't have carbs, you dope.

Then why did you gain all that weight Freshman year?

[Ska]

The bread it was served on.

[Episiarch]

You weren't supposed to mention that! And it was only the first semester!

[Restoras]

I must admit that I find them entertaining as well.

[prolefeed]

Really? I think they're an annoying, juvenile waste of electrons.

[Heroic Mulatto]

GET OFF MY LAWN!

[I]

concur.

[Otto]

Other Headlines:

Ben Bernanke's Secret Crush!
Janet Napolitano's Diet Tips!
Rebecca Black or Joe Biden - Who is More Important?

[Ken Shultz]

The Onion: still culture jamming after all these years!

I wonder if the NYT has heard about monkey-fishing yet? All the news that's fit to print?

*guffaws*

[Media Matters]

President Obama: Not a Teen Idol After All

But then do tell, why are all of our panties so wet?

[Spencer]

Don't know about you, but I go commando!

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

See, this doesn't surprise me one bit. Most people are nowhere near skeptical enough, and most of those on the left will pretty much fall for anything at face value.

Be more skeptical.

[ClubMedSux]

My daughter is 4-1/2 and as her critical thinking skills start to develop, that's the #1 thing I'm teaching her: be skeptical. I have to say it was a pretty proud day about a month ago when she turned to me and asked, "Dad, is the Easter Bunny really a bunny or just a person in a bunny suit?"

[ClubMedSux]

I should add that, if my parenting philosophy disqualifies her from a job at the New York Times, I can live with that. Especially since it may not even be around by the time she graduates college.

[James Ard]

Man, you're lucky. I had a hard time yesterday convincing my eight year old that we'd been lying to he her entire life. She just turned eight so hopefully she isn't the most gullible person on earth.

[Warty]

Parent: "Kid, don't believe anything I tell you."
Kid: "No."

[prolefeed]

I've made a point of telling bigger and bigger whoppers, poker-faced, until finally my kids catch on that everything I've said for the last 5 minutes has been BS.

Yesterday my son told me that he didn't have school today because of some teacher skip day, and totally sold it. Not sure whether to feel proud or apprehensive.

[Barely Suppressed Rage]

I do that all the time. Like Calvin's dad, in Calvin & Hobbes. His best work was the one about how the world used to be black and white, and all the old black and white photos are actually color photos of the black and white world.

[Pope Jimbo]

One of the worst spankings I ever got came after I used my new crayons to draw a huge picture on the living room wall. Not wanting to get caught I signed my sister's name to it.

When confronted by my mom, I acted innocent and pointed out to her the fact that my sister's name was clearly visible and maybe she should go talk to her.

The problem was that I was 5 and my sister was only 2, so my ruse came crashing down around me and I got an extended session with The Stick.

As my mom still tells people, it wasn't that I lied that made her so mad, it was how utterly convincing I was in my role as an innocent bystander. That is when she realized she was raising a sociopath.

[ClubMedSux]

I have to say that both Santa and the Easter Bunny really bug me for that reason. I'll admit I don't have the stones to tell her they're not real (she still thinks the Easter Bunny is real, she just thinks it's a person dressed as a bunny rather than an actual rabbit), though the only reason I don't tell her right now that they're both bullshit is because she has a big mouth (like her old man) and I don't want her becoming a pariah at school because she's the one telling everyone else that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real. I still feel like a douche for lying to my daughter, and even more of a douche for essentially using peer pressure as my excuse for doing so, but still I go along with it...

[The Immaculate Trouser]

Given the corrections made to various NYT stories, one must conclude that their team of fact checkers and editors is comprised entirely of capuchin monkeys watching Rick Astley music videos.

[prolefeed]

But is there porn of that? Afraid to look.

[Tulpa]

Cue The Onion complaining that the NYT is leeching off its original reporting (like the NYT does regarding blogs).

[Zeb]

The Onion should sue, if only for comic effect.

[TheZeitgeist]

Makes me wonder what his own daughters (especially the older one) have pasted on their (hallowed) White House bedroom walls?

It would serve Obama right if he found himself raising a Belieber.

[R C Dean]

I'm thinking Che posters.

[cynical]

Are you sure that's worse? Che has the decency to be dead.