Wiffle Ball Declared "Risky" by the State of New York


For instance, the bats can be used as murder weapons

Not The Onion:

Dodgeball, Red Rover, Wiffle Ball – those time-honored kids' games, along with activities like Steal the Bacon and Capture the Flag – have been deemed dangerous by the state as part of an effort to tighten regulations for summer camps in the area.

Any indoor or outdoor recreational program that offers two or more organized activities, including one that falls on the "risky list" determined by state officials, will be considered a summer camp under the new rules and subject to the associated regulations.

The rules aim to curtail a loophole in previously passed regulations by the state Health Department that count activities like horseback riding and archery among the "risky list," but do not include many activities like Freeze Tag and kickball featured in indoor programs.

I'm relieved that New York finally closed the Wiffle Ball loophole, but I hear through the grapevine that kids are still playing Strat-O-Matic. Unsupervised.

Thanks to Scott Ross for the tip, and be careful out there.

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302 responses to “Wiffle Ball Declared "Risky" by the State of New York

  1. Strat-O-Matic was one of the greatest things about the 20th century.

    Damn you, video games, for killing off such greatness!

    1. The day the new baseball set came in was like Christmas all over again.

    2. jarts w the giant yard darts was alotta fun till the co was sued outta existence. then we just shot arrows straight-up in the air

      1. Shooting arrows up in the air is great. IT is best if done at night with glow sticks taped to the arrows.

        1. as the arrows return to earth it is expecially fun to watch them land on ones head

    3. So what’s the bigger franchise – Strat or APBA?

    4. Actually it is simply a failure to produce a solid computer equivalent. I’ve been playing Championship Manager (now Football Manager) since I was a kid and it is very popular in the rest of the world. I’ve never found something equivalent for American sports.

      1. A computer equivalent?

        That’s like demanding a computer equivalent to beer.

        The cards and the dice are the POINT, man!

      2. I don’t think a computer equivalent is feasible. Yeah, there are computer-based versions, but they aren’t equivalent. The player cards and the dice are integral parts of the experience, imo.

        1. I agree with both of you.

          While the computer version helps tremendously with stat compilation, there is just something about shaking those dice and manually refering to the X-chart on that 4e37 shortstop.

        2. I guess it is just different generations. The idea of shuffling around cards and rolling a dice instead of a computer do it seems inefficient to me. It also puts a limit on complexity. In Football Manager each player has 36 visible stats and numerous invisible stats (things like injury proneness, professionalism and personality). The tactics interface is incredibly in depth as well. In the 2011 version there are 117 leagues in 55 countries, all with real players. This is simply something that could not be done with pen and paper.

    5. Am I the only five year-old whose parents bought him Longball with the D&D dice instead of Strat? By the way, I just hopped over to the Strat-O-Matic page, and that game still looks cool as all get out.


  2. Just when you thought the government couldn’t do any more to ensure our kids become even bigger pussies. Hello Weakest Generation.

    1. Also acceptable: The Helmet Generation.

      1. I prefer to call them the “Short Bus Generation”, myself!

  3. These people really do hate children don’t they?

    1. It’s like after the Cold War ended they started an undeclared war on childhood.

      Looking back, I always had a big old scab somewhere on my body pretty much through middle school. All the other kids had them too, and it was normal. Hell, a broken bone was a badge of honor.

      1. It’s not a war on childhood. It’s a war on adulthood. Children are being coddled so that they never grow up.

        Dammit get off my lawn you meddling kids.

        1. They still want kids to have the same total amount of fun. They just want it to be over 26 years instead of 16.

          1. I read somewhere that kids born in 2010 can reasonably expect to live to 150. Good grief! By mid century we’ll have raised the drinking age past 65.

            1. Yeah but retirement won’t budge a year

              1. If by that you mean that there won’t BE any retirements, then, yes, you are correct!

        2. It’s a war on leaving people the fuck alone. These people want to make adulthood safe, padded and sanitized too.

      2. Seriously, if a kid is not bleeding, then he can’t be having much fun, or isn’t doing it right (whatever she is doing).

        1. Sounds a lot like my old girlfriend’s philosophy regarding sex…

  4. I live in New York now. I heard this on the radio this morning.

    I did not think they were making it up.

    1. “This stuff’s made in New York City!”

      “New York City!?”

      “Get a rope.”

      1. Those commercials made me laugh, it taught me as an impressionable teen that wanton murder could be funny!

  5. Someone on the morning links put up a study that conculded that regulations cost the country 1.9 trillion a year in forgone productivity. I think that is probably low. Think of all of the man hours wasted writing these rules and all of the people who could otherwise be doing something productive instead of protecting innocent children from the scrouge of red rover.

    1. That would imply that these people could do something productive.

    2. wait… there’s a scrouge in Red Rover! Shit, all those years wasted playing it wrong!

  6. It’s probably more due to litigation concerns than anything else, but bureaucratic nannyism undoubtedly plays a part.

    I wonder if they are going to ban scissors from the cut-and-paste class next.

    1. Paste has been outlawed. Too tasty.

      1. Nah, paste is OK again. But after they changed the formula so it tastes icky it no longer sticks as well. Oh well. Its for the children.

    2. If the concern was litigation, the programs themselves (usually private operations) would have chosen not to conduct these activities. Its all about top down central planning.

      1. It takes a village to raise a child. And when I say village, I really mean government.

        1. And when you say “raise a child” you mean, “keep them childish forever.”

    3. Aresen, I do have to give mad props to Canada. I travel to Whislter quite regularly for snowboarding/skiing. Behind the Fairmont Hotel just to the left of the Blackcomb Magic Chair lift, there’s a little low-intensity hill where kids (and adults) will go sledding. At the bottom of the little hill are a bunch of birch(?) trees which kids would sometimes crash into.

      In the States, they’d put up a sign banning sledding.

      In Canada, they put those thick vinyl covered foam pads around the trunks and told everyone to go with God.

      1. Unfortunately, one of the ski areas here (I think it was Whistler, but it may have been Cypress Bowl) got stung on a $15 million lawsuit a few years back filed by the parents of a kid who was skiing out of bounds and got injured. It was a school trip, so the school district got stung as well.

        The kid claimed he didn’t know he was out of bounds, but everyone knew damn well that he was deliberately beyond the ropes.

        IIRC, the ski hill had to pay $3 million (we have ‘proportionate liability’ here); the kid was 40% at fault, so his damages were reduced by that proportion; the school district got stung with the rest. The upshot of course, is that there are no more school ski clubs or school sponsored ski trips.

        We are a little behind you on the liability trajectory, but not much. (One restraining factor is the ‘loser pays’ rule in Canadian courts, which tends to put a damper on the wilder claims.)

        1. Loser pays rule? That’s kicks serious ass. The more time I spend under Big Brother’s Boot Heel, the more I feel like running like a thief in the night. If I may paraphrase Young Guns here:

          “Tonight, I’m going to the border to get me a good nights sleep and a hot meal, then come morning I’m a Canadian!”

          The only thing that’s prevented me from charging across the border like Atilla the FUCKING Hun is the ball crushing cold! So you Canucks better hope that Al Gore really is full of shit, because if AGW is real than I know that you’re going to have half of America kicking in your door!

          1. Check out our tax rates, first.

            I make only $57k, but I am in the 37% marginal bracket (Federal and Provincial, combined.) And our nannies are even worse.

            1. Just a matter of time, my snow loving friend…

          2. The only thing that’s prevented me from charging across the border like Atilla the FUCKING Hun is the ball crushing cold!

            You could move to Vancouver and it’s got a very similar climate to Seattle…

            Oh wait, it was raining sideways last August with 53 degree temperatures. The murcury hasn’t touched 60 degrees this year, which may be the latest in recorded history.

            Never mind.

    4. Safety scissors have been aroud for a long time. And frankly, I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t want to be in a room full of 8 year olds holding sharp things.

      1. Especially if you tell them that the Whiffle-ball game has been cancelled.

  7. I will happily join in heaping derision on the government of the State of New York, but there is something else that disturbs me even more. That is, it seems like there has to be a constituency for these kind of things. Some people, some where, want this kind of coddling.

    It’s not that hard to imagine why. It’s the mothers. But, it still makes me shudder.

    1. It’s true. We’re your worst nightmare.

      Have a cookie, dear. And don’t forget your helmet.

      1. I quake.

      2. Is that trans-fat free, ma’am?

        1. Of course. Also salt- and sugar-free.
          100% tofu, for The Children?.

          1. My Mother? makes cookies without sugar, salt and trans-fats. If it wasn’t for the raisins the oatmeal cookies would be indistinguishable from chunks of particleboard.

            1. Sounds a lot like the way they made that faulty Chinese drywall…

    2. As someone else pointed out, it’s probably fear of litigation. All it takes is for one kid to get a contusion playing a rough game of Red Rover (I lost a tooth playing that game once, seriously), and then the lawsuits start flying. I’d hope they’d have waivers the parents are forced to sign, but I doubt those are air-tight to any good lawyer.

      1. Courts and lawyers have done so much damage to this society. And most of the damage goes back to the 1960s when leftist professors decided that the goal of tort law was to ensure people live in a “risk free environment” meaning you are compensated every time something bad happens to you, bourgiouis concepts like fault and proximate cause be damned.

        1. The ABA had more to do with it than any group of “leftist professors.”

          1. Where do you think the ABA got their theories?

            1. the koch bros

            2. I’m pretty sure the ABA went, “Wait, people are dumb enough to buy this shit? And pay us?”

              Honestly, I think that this is more a result of the way people Post-War changed their view of the world. Bad stuff no longer simply happened- it was now someone’s fault, especially if there were children involved.

              1. You’d be amazed how many times a jury thinks this way: “Something unfortunate happened to party A; party A deserves to be compensated for what happened to it; party B is the only other party in this case, and has deep pockets, so making party B compensate party A is fair even if it’s not really their fault.”

                1. Club, isn’t that the basic underpinnings of enterprise liability theory?

                  I think RC posted here awhile ago, and I agree with it, that a lot of this stuff goes away if you just brought back and emphasized the concepts of assumption of the risk and comparative negligence. Drown yourself because you’re drunk, back down a boat ramp, and can’t figure out the seat belt? No recovery; fuck you for being stupid. (Instead, IIRC, the heirs/survivors ended up getting nearly $20M from Honda.)

                  I’d like to add a wish that courts really started using the state equivalent of federal Rule 11 actions. Your professional hunter lawsuit, Club seems a perfect candidate for such a case.

                  1. Funny, ain’t it?

                    Intellectuals are quick to embrace Darwin and condemn the Creationists but then they turn right around and try to stop Evolution from taking place!

                    Not that intellectuals ever stop to think about anything they do!

          2. But the ABA had the really cool red white and blue ball…

        2. As a products liability defense lawyer I suppose I’m biased, but I’d argue what really fucked shit up was the evolution of “failure to warn” claims. It used to be if you were stupid enough to use a product in a dangerous fashion then you didn’t get to sue. Nowadays, if you’re stupid enough to shoot a lion at close range and get mauled you can still sue the company because they didn’t explicitly warn you that their bullets wouldn’t stop a charging lion (true story).

          1. I do find hope in the fact that the lion maulee lost his suit.

            1. He did lose. From the link:

              For the following reasons, the Court finds plaintiff has failed to present a question of material fact on essential elements of his claim. Summary judgment is therefore granted.

              1. True, though the cost of litigating the case through discovery was still pretty painful, I bet. One of the real problems in our civil court system is that judges don’t have the guts to dismiss cases on their face. They’re supposed to be the gatekeepers that weed out frivolous lawsuits but they’re too worried of being overturned on appeal so they let everything through, and there’s a HUGE difference cost-wise between winning a motion to dismiss (right after the case is filed) and winning a motion for summary judgment (after the case has already gone through extensive, expensive discovery).

            2. Was that all he lost?

      2. I’m sympathetic to the litigation argument, but it doesn’t seem to apply is this case. The State is not at risk of litigation here, individual summer camp operators are. If the operators were banning these games of death on their own, then I would believe it.

        Plus, I blame the litigiousness on The Mothers, too.

        1. That’s a good point, that I didn’t think about earlier. Mostly I just hate bullshit liability litigation and try to blame it for everything that is wrong with the universe.

      3. This is the standard regulator’s two-step: define rigorous rules for operating a “summer camp” and then change the definition of “summer camp” to pull in more businesses.

        1. wouldn’t changing the name to “Survival Camp” straighten all this shit out?

    3. Women voters, especially suburban soccer moms, demand this sort of regulation.

      1. perhaps they should be more concerned w closing the door on the fridge

      2. I love how legislation that accedes to demands from hysterical females is considered “common sense” and ignoring them is branded risky and dangerous.

        1. I love how legislation that accedes to demands from hysterical females is considered “common sense” and ignoring them is branded risky and dangerous.

          I’m guessing you’re not married, Bingo, or you would know that ignoring demands from hysterical females is, indeed, risky and dangerous.

          1. And if they didn’t make hysterical demands then maybe they’d get a cock stuck in them more often!

          2. Haha, so I’ve heard…

          3. Praeger calls it ‘the feminization of America’
            more like ‘no fun allowed’


  8. Freeze tag is the third leading cause of sarcopenia in HIV-negative Jewish 6-year-olds.

  9. Strat-O-Matic is very risky… I hear it turns you into the kind of huge nerd that will get stomped by Buzz Bissinger.

  10. I’m getting rid of our problem. Wiffle ball will be dead in a matter of hours.

  11. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!”

  12. I want my fucking LAWN DARTS!!!!!!!!

    1. And I want my cylon raider back. I still hold a grudge against my mom about that one.

    2. You realize you can buy all the individual parts, right? You simply can’t buy an assembled lawn dart. So you have to undertake the arduous task of assembly.

      I agree with you that it’s bullshit they’re banned, but there’s ways around everything.

      1. I’m skipping right to the good stuff now. I gonna teach my grandsons how to build a trebuchet.

        1. That’ll be a rather useful skill in the next election!

  13. Is this why all of the young men I see now days look like girls?

    1. well, this man has an explosive snatch…

      1. Very punny, dunphy. The vid was clean, you jerk.

        1. At least he kissed it when he was done.

          p.s. In Russia snatch kisses you.

        2. that’s why i like olympic style weightlifting. you can ask a young girl to “show me your snatch” and it’s perfectly acceptable.

          and in poker, you can “flop the mortal nuts”.

          1. That’s why, as an older fellow, I like playing Omaha/8, where flopping low nuts is a good thing for a change.

            1. that game makes my head hurt. but i like it. i used to play a LOT online until my stupid-ass leftwing legislature in WA made it a C felony. bastids

              i had a couple of really good stats programs so i knew the betting patterns etc. of my opponents inside and out

              1. Are there any online sites taking American traffic nowdays?

      2. Do you like gladiator movies, Dunphy?

        1. yes, and i’ve seen a grown man naked, capt. oveur.

          1. Don’t worry, Mom! I’ve seen the Punchmaster bone a lonely housewife before!

            1. None of you are safe.

              1. I find you guilty of one count of fucking with the Punchmaster!

    2. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  14. I know this is probably an odd question coming from a California resident, but how the hell can people live in New York?

    1. what are you stupet?

    2. Having no children is almost a must.

      1. A single designer child is not frowned upon.

    3. Lived in Manhattan for 10 years. Very convenient, very fun, no need for a car, but a bit pricey.

    4. It is the center of the universe. That’s why. All the bureaucrats in the world cannot destroy that, as much as they may try.

      ps. It’s 25 degrees and snowing in New York? 78 in California. 103 and 95% humidity in New York? 78 in California. Millions of intelligent, cultured people in New York…well, you finish it. 😉

  15. Sadly, these youngsters will never know the joy of being called out on strikes because a ball broke three feet within two yards of home plate.

    This really is insane, though. We got drilled all the time with pitches. From older brothers and big kids, even! None of us died from it.

    1. My brother and I would use the same whiffle ball forever, just adding more masking tape to it until it was just a ball of tape with a shattered plastic core. That thing definitely would sting when you got plunked, which was often.

    2. What? My dad would plunk me on purpose when he was teaching me to hit a baseball and I got shy on the inside part of the plate. Whiffleball? Those bats hurt if you get hit in the nuts, but by that standard, we should ban towels too.

      1. I was joking about the vagaries of whiffle ball flights and how foolish you can look at the plate playing against a sick whiffle ball pitcher with a stiff wind. The two paragraphs are largely unconnected.

        Heck yes, getting drilled will make you shy. No doubt.

        1. Wiffle, I mean. Arg.

      2. I meant getting drilled with wiffle ball pitches. I see your confusion now. No, getting hit with real baseballs is serious. I watched a friend lose a bunch of adult teeth to a bad hop grounder. No fun.

  16. Statis-Pro was much better than Strat-o-Matic.

  17. From the article:

    Parents appear divided on the issue, but at least one believes it’s wise to take precautions.

    “Kids these days are kinda brutal so I can see those games being dangerous,” Bronx mom Kim Wainwright told the News.

    DIAF, Kim Wainwright! Preferably because you were to frightened to go outdoors.

    1. “Kids these days are kinda brutal”

      What?? Kids these days are feminite, non aggressive, pussies.

      1. you should see the AMAZING shit people (parents) call the cops on for their precious kids.

        omg, somebody is making fun of little sally on myspace… call the police.

        omg, johnny pushed rico on the playground and call the police.

        it’s AMAZING to me.

        almost as good are the kids who try to report their parents for “child abuse” because they got spanked, etc.

        i had a girl call 911 because her mom slapped her. Why? because she called her mom a cunt.

        i told her “don’t call your mom a cunt”

        seriously, there are some major pussy kids around these days, and the parents encourage it.

        the schools, with their “zero tolerance” policies towards violence don’t help at all

        1. had a tenant that worked at 911…
          some asswipe called because there was a deer in their yard…

          1. he could have shot it and used the jimbo excuse “it’s coming right at us!”

    2. More proof that it’s time to repeal the 19th Amendment. Women are just too damn emotional to be trusted with the vote.

      And let’s get rid the 26th at the same time, put voting age back to 25 like it once was. If you can’t be trusted to rent a car, you shouldn’t be trusted to vote.

      1. Perhaps if they were required to bring a pie, or a crockpot dish, to the polling place?

    3. The media aids The Mothers by making every YouTube video of youth violence look like the norm instead of the exception. This is where the perception of today’s youth being vicious comes from.

      1. This is where misperception in general comes in about crime, etc. We are at a several decade low in homicides and violent crime, but the vast majority of people, because of 24 hr cable news, etc. perceive crime as “out of control” when in fact it hasn’t been this low in a long time.

        Just because there is more prolific reporting of X, does not mean X is more common, although it creates that impression

  18. I was hospitalized with an eye injury from playing dodge ball, after which it was banned at our high school (I didn’t ask them to, or sue, or anything, and my eye turned out to be okay.)

    The closest I ever came to an injury playing Wiffle Ball was climbing the neighbor’s fence to retrieve a home run ball, and risking the wrath of their pit bull.

    Archery is of course, inherently and intentionally dangerous, unless you aim at the designated target. I did once play the arrow roulette game from Grownups, which could have turned out badly. I was really just trying to see how high I could shoot an arrow, and not thinking ahead much….

  19. Yesterday some New Yawker told me that Chattanooga is a podunk and that my people are backwards… REALLY?

    Betrayed by Brewer: Arizona governor vetoes bills.…..ernor.html

    1. I have trouble believing that anyone would voluntarily speak to you.

      1. Well, you just spoke to me, so what does that say about you?


    3. I’m a Chattanooga resident…we have our issues, but still a beautiful city (save for the damn pollen count down here!). I’ll take our relaxed lifestyle over that crazy shit anyday. New Yorkers have a TO complex I think…

      1. And our rents? $435 for a 1/1 with a HUGE walking closet and a view that’s to die for.

        What do you get in New York for $435? A closet in the ghetto?

        I love Chattanooga!




        2. When there’s no room left in Hel, closets will walk.

  20. God damn money grab:

    At least one state legislator, Sen. Patty Richie (R-St. Lawrence County), fears the new rules will impair smaller programs’ ability to operate by requiring them to pay a $200 fee to register as summer camps.

    1. Senatorial Update: Senators to travel to China over Easter Weekend…
      didn’t think there was a way to insult stupid but…

  21. Thankfully kids will still be kids, and they’ll go to the handball courts or the park with a sleeve of tennis balls and a stickball bat. Fuck these people.

  22. In this day and age, “Smear the Queer” has no chance. Best schoolyard game ever.

    1. Agreed. Especially when you convinced girls to play.

      1. Just wait until they try to ban “playing doctor”!

        The concept of the “Girl Next Door” just won’t be the same after that!


    2. Oh man, you beat me to it. It was the funnest game ever. Running and tackling, running and tackling.

      1. Wait!

        Are you talking about “Smear the Queer” or “Playing Doctor”?

        ‘Cause if you meant Playing Doctor, I’d really like to know what variation on the house rules you were using!

        1. For your information, he was using “House, M.D.” rules!

    3. Smear the Queer?
      was dog shit involved?

  23. And so it begins:…..48/1/.html

    Bye-bye, dollar.


    2. Hey dude, what happened to China’s real estate market? How is all that unused infrastructure working out for them?

      1. unused infrastructure

        [citation needed]

      2. A good deal of the Interstate Highway System was “unused” in the 50s and 60s. It’s called investing for the future.


        2. You don’t own property do you. An unused building requires a lot more maintenance to keep it from becoming something that must be demolished than an unused strip of concrete or asphalt.

          1. The vast majority of their investments are in highways, high speed rail, subways, light rail, airports, ship ports, etc. etc.

            1. Most of their country still lives in the 19th Century, so I’m still not worried about them. India? Maybe. But the only current concern I have about China is them throwing a shit fit over Taiwan and then causing a big military dick waving contest!

              We still need to get our own shit together but China has WAY more problems then we do and sticking the tip of their dick into capitalism’s vagina ain’t gonna solve their problems enough to make them number one. Glenn Beck can take as big a shit on camera as he wants but that isn’t gonna make his claims about the “New Red Threat” true!

          2. yeah, try keeping the insurance up on empty homes…

      3. As to the real estate market sure, there’s a bubble, but unlike here they aren’t overleveraged, and most of the properties are second and third homes.

        All that will happen in the pop is a redistribution of wealth and a glut of affordable housing for 1.3 billion people, not a full-blown crisis like what happened here.

        1. All that will happen in the pop is a redistribution of wealth and a glut of affordable housing

          That’s all that would have happened HERE, too, if it wasn’t for statist interventionist douchebags like you.

          1. Does anyone want to take the odds that the Chinese won’t intervene in the correction?

          2. As a young professional, I would be in such a good position right now if the housing market was allowed to fall by the government.

          3. Here it CAN’T happen, because the idiot home owners who bought McMansions they couldn’t afford can elect people who will promise to artificially prop up their lousy investment.

            In China, they don’t have to worry about such pressure, for obvious reasons. Resistance will be crushed.

            1. and that’s a good thing?

        2. We used to stack fucks like you five feet high in korea, use you for sandbags.

        3. Ah yes, huge market distortion and misallocated resources. Significant contraction of a major industry. All easily dismissed.

          You sound like Greenspan circa 2006.

          1. Again, it’s not like here where people were taking out home equity loans to compensate for the fact that real wages hadn’t risen since the early ’70s.

            These homes are paid for with cold, hard, CASH. The bubble popping will overall be at best a good thing and at worst a minor bump in the road for China’s inevitable march to being the world Superpower, which will happen no matter how much those living in the declining power wish it weren’t so.

            It’s just an uncomfortable truth you have to face. We are where Great Britain was in the 1920s, and China is where we were at the same time. It’s inevitable.

            1. fap fap fap fap authoritarian China China ooooooooohhhhh yeahhhhh….

              What you say is possible. I reject your “inevitable.”

            2. home equity loans to compensate for the fact that real wages hadn’t risen since the 70’s?
              knew a guy in school who worked over summer vacation sweeping floors for $12.50/hr.. Of course that was at U.S. Steel back in 1977 and his dad got him the job. But, who could get a job like that today with all those high paying union positions gone overseas…

        4. All that will happen in the pop is a redistribution of wealth and a glut of affordable housing for 1.3 billion people, not a full-blown crisis like what happened here.


          If you think that the Communist Party cronies and the Chinese military are going to let the gov’t devalue their holdings without fighting back, you truly are stupid. Inflation is here.

          1. The Communist Party and the military isn’t invested in property. That’s largely the domain of private investors.

            The CCP invests overseas and in US debt (which means, btw, the people they will prevent from devaluing their holdings will be the Americans).

              1. After diversifying their holdings, especially by making the RMB an international reserve currency, and then they short the dollar. Wonder why the Euro is up despite Europe’s debt crisis? That’s China buying up Euros.

                1. The creditor holding paper is more dependent on the ongoing value of that paper than the debtor.

            1. Yeah, just keep talking, this is too easy.


          2. They’re also invested heavily in commodities–oil, gold, silver, copper, etc.

            1. You’ll find your ignorance is blissful,
              Every God damned time.

              – Tom Waits

              1. yeah, guess who was big into building apartments in China, Mr. Rich Dad, Poor Dad himself…


              1. They’re buying our pecans!

                We’re DOOOOOOMED to a future of…higher income for pecan farmers!


      1. A little bit of inflation is a very good thing, epsecially when you’re trying to increase consumption (which is the goal of China’s next Five Year Plan–decrease household savings and increase household consumption).

        1. A little bit. Like pushing 10%?

          They’ve got the tiger by the tail now.

          1. It’s 5.4%. You’re off by nearly twice the amount.

            1. If you believe China state issued numbers, you’ll believe anything.

              They’ve vastly expanded their money supply year on year, it’s generated hard asset inflation and now it’s moving into food prices. In fact, an admitted CPI of 5.4%, is higher than the targeted inflation rate of 3% and demonstrates that China is unable to bring the inflation rate under control, just like every other centrally managed currency has struggled to do over the years. At this point, they will have to tighten up so much that there will not be a “soft” landing.

              Centrally planned economies and central banks just don’t work as planned. China isn’t special in this regard.

              1. Centrally planned economies…don’t work

                Remind me, which country has double-digit real unemployment? The unplanned economy of the US, or the planned economy of China? Which is making more investments in ifrastructure? Which avoided almost any pain from the 2008 recession? Which is having breakneck growth? Which is rapidly advancing in numbers of patents and research paper? In which are companies setting up more and more R&D centers?

                China’s planned economy (at least insofar as the “Commanding heights” are planned) has proven itself to be far more resiliant and attractive than the unplanned chaos of the US.

                1. Who said the US economy was unplanned?

                  Central bank – Check
                  Regulatory control – Check
                  Infinitely detailed tax code – Check
                  Public liability for private risk – Check
                  Government expenditures as percentage of GDP – 40% and rising

                2. You know, I honest to god think I’d rather be unemployed in the US than employed in China.

              2. China is also #1 in manufacturing, the #1 automobile market, the #1 computer hardware market, the #1 importer of oil, the #1 consumer of energy, the #2 largest economy…yeah, those centrally planned economies sure don’t work!

              3. Oh yeah, and the #1 exporter and #1 in green technologies.

                Yeah, sure is a massive failure!

                1. pancakes/waffles, are you spoofing again? You bastard.

        2. Increase consumption of what? Cheap plastic crap?

        3. Is that you, Paulie Krugnuts? I didn’t know your Old, Grey Mother let you out of her sight.

          1. Krugman does say that the biggest conflict of the 21st Century will be between democratic free market capitalism on one hand an authoritarian state capitalism on the other. However, he thinks the former will win out while I clearly think the latter will win handily.

            1. Right, because Peronism worked out so well for Argentina in the end.

              “State capitalism” is not exactly a new idea, you know.

              “Omigosh, we can end the business cycle if we just pretend the banks aren’t holding bad loans!” “We can achieve recession-free growth indefinitely if we just have part of our economy based on the market, and the other part based on naked force!” Yup, totally new ideas. The wave of the future.

              1. LOL, Argentina?

                Argentina was never, ever a world power, or make everything your wearing plus the keyboard you’re typing on, and the phone in your pocket, and probably your wallet, too.

                The Chinese have perfected authoritarian state capitalism.

              2. BTW, “naked force”?

                ALL GOVERNMENTS are “naked force”, some are just hypocritical and ineffective with it (USA) while others are honest and effective at naked force (China).

                Government IS violent force at the end of the day.

                1. More fap fap fap fap…

                2. When Argentina embarked on its state capitalist course, it was the 10th wealthiest nation in the world by per capita GDP.

                  The reason you laugh at it as a joke is precisely because it embarked on the course of action you claim should have made it invincible.

                  1. Argentina’s prosperity was based on the shaky foundations of beef and mineral exports (which are notoriously volatile in price), not manufacturing like China.

                    1. Yeah, because nobody has ever heard of a bubble in the manufacturing sector.

  24. I really want to get into a subcommittee meeting or whatever where the absolute geniuses behind this law discussed this and find out what the hell their thought process was. Did it have moms weeping on the floor over little Billy’s sprained thumb?

    These people seem to exist in their own universe.

    1. I’d like to be there to suggest even stupider ideas, just to see if they bite on it.

    2. More than likely it had state regulators rubbing their hands in glee at the idea of increasing state revenue by expanding the base of camps that have to spend the money to aquire a ‘summer camp’ lisence.

      I doubt overwraught mothers had much to do with it.

  25. “I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffle ball bat. . .”

    That does sound kind of risky. Especially if she’s the Sheriff’s daughter.

    1. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffleball bat.

  26. Goddamn, the Baby Boomers started it, and now Gens X+Y are going to complete this country’s full blown pussification.

    Wanna know who I’m voting for? The candidate who goes on TV and says, “America, what the fuck happened to you? You burst onto the scene as a headstrong rebel. Your enduring phrase is, “It’s a free country, man.” Now, you’re a bunch of goddamn pussies who can’t even drink till your 21. You used to be cool, man.”

    1. You’re onto something there. Considering it was the sixties rebels that instituted all this shit it is even more demented.

    2. Jimbo Jones to Bart: Man, I thought you were cool.

  27. Really, all you folks need to calm down. If you think banning kid games, or classifying them, will stop kids from being crazy retards, well, you’re retarded. The kids will be fine.

    Lighten the fuck up.

    1. We’re watching you.

      1. I think the real question is, are any of you MILFs?

    2. Quit harshing on our intergenerational fears, man.

  28. Texas, meanwhile:

    A kindergartener brought a gun to his elementary school and was among three students injured by fragments when it dropped from his pocket during lunchtime and accidentally fired, officials said.…..?GT1=43001

    1. Huh. Didn’t say what kind of gun it was. THESE DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT FOLKS.

      1. Why is that important?

        1. It could have been an air gun. Maybe they were injured by fragments of air. Or it could have been a blowgun and they were paralyzed by dart fragments impregnated with venom from the skins of tiny, colorful frogs.

          1. Adjectives are important

            1. Or sentence fragments.

          2. While I understand the skepticism given the “zero tolerance” environment in which we live, statements like:

            Three kindergarten students were either grazed by the bullet, or injured by shrapnel. They were taken to area hospitals. A six-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl were each wounded in the foot. Another six-year-old boy was wounded in the leg.

            would seem to suggest pretty strongly that it was a real handgun.

      2. It must have been a “Glock Forty”.

        1. He was the only kid, that he knew of, professional enough to use it.

      3. Must be a qulaity piece, since it fit in a six year olds pants.

        1. And no one fucking noticed till it fell out.

    2. This is the result of bad parenting. He should have attended an NRA Concealed Carry class before being allowed to take a handgun to school.

      1. Obviously, helmets are not enough. That’s why the gals and I are pushing for mandatory flack jackets. For The Children?.

        1. Tickle-Me Elmo Talking Flak Jackets?

        2. These kids had foot injuries…

      2. Or had range-rounds instead of PP so that the bullet wouldn’t frag on impact.

    3. How many schoolchildren must be shot before we agree to sensible gun regulation?

      Guns need to be restricted to law enforcement so they won’t be used to harm innocent people intentionally or unintentionally.

      1. But it will never happen in this country. Sorry. U mad, bro?

      2. Depends. What’s the bag limit on school children in your state?

    4. Was somebody’s eye put out?

  29. You left off the most important point. If you want to play “risky” games like wiffle ball or tag, you are free to do so. You simply have to pay a $200 fee and have medical personnel present in case of injury. Really…. not from the Onion.

    1. Just like Obamacare says if you want to draw breath in the US, then you only need to buy insurance to cover the inevitable bad things that will happen to you.

  30. As someone who was hit in the head by a runaway whiffle bat at a young age, I can attest that the damage can be severe for growing brains. A couple of inches to the right and I wouldn’t be the intellectual I am.

    1. Yeah, and the bastards picked me last in kickball. Fuckers don’t know the psychological damage that can be done by acknowledging that some kids are superior athletes.

      1. Spooffitty Spoof Spoof!

      2. Nobody liked me.

    2. Truly, the world weeps for our loss.

  31. Al’right children, be the ball.

  32. This calls for civil disobedience. Who is willing to rent out some upper state farm land on the cheap and set up a Wiffle Camp for the children to show those legislative fucks they can only go so far. Yeah, call the cops out on us, and expose your self as the big jokes you are. It’s for the children, damn it! Whose wif me?

    1. In case it isn’t obvious, the above is not me. It is a spoof.

      1. There are six of us who have agreed to be The Truth whenever you show up. You think you have a monopoly on The Truth? You don’t. Deal.

        1. Hey! I wondered when you were going to show up. You know who will be on around by five as always, but maybe Chad will quit his shenanigans by then, and you know who can just be his self.

          1. The Truth? You can’t handle the Truth. No Truth-handler, you. I deride your Truth-handling abilities.

        2. Face it folks, the Japanese are going to OWN us. They’re investing heavily in US real estate, and buying up our debt. They make products better and cheaper than we do. THERE IS NO STOPPING THE COMING JAPANESE HEGEMONY.

          1. Someone needs to do some educational reading before comparing this to the Japan of the 1980s or the USSR of the early 60s:


            It’s very, very different.

            1. Actually, pay no mind to me – I don’t know what I am talking about and also have zero historical perspective. Not too mention my inherent bias toward statism.

            2. And people said in the late 80s that Japan was different, and said in the 60s that the Soviets were different, on and on etc. etc. It’s ALWAYS “different this time”. And then guess what? It never really is.

              1. Why don’t you actually read the article, and then see if you’re still so confident?

              2. Just remember: in the story of “The Boy Who Cried Wold”, the wold did eventually come.

                China is that wolf.

                1. …also remember in the story that it was only the Loudmouthed kid who got eaten.

              3. I can’t see the future, as much as I like to pretend I can.

          2. The Japanese? Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders? Ha ha! Bosh! Flimshaw!

            1. Can we wall him up in an abandoned coke oven?

      2. Actually five, not six. Remember, I never agreed to be The Truth. Too secular for my taste.

    2. the truth is i speak in run on sentences that spew inanities that are not grounded in any recongnizable form of logic i also dont use punctuation or check my spelling becasue i am a lazy dickhead

      1. Just for the record, run-on sentences and a lack of punctuation are not de facto signs of being a lazy dickhead.

        1. Your mother is a fish, Bill.

  33. I was going to say something to the effect that this end will up with the only allowable activity being sitting around the campfire singing “Kum By Ya”

    Except that they’d also ban the campfire.

    1. They’ll be able to keep the campfires, the kids just have to stand 50 feet away with the fire department there.

      1. You laugh, motherfuckers, but I have seen with my own two eyes a Boy Scout camping trip where they used those fake fire lanterns to simulate a campfire! They were those same ones you see at a Halloween or party supply store!

  34. When wiffle ball is outlawed, only outlaws will play wiffle ball.

  35. I just heard that this proposal had been yanked.

    1. I hope this isn’t true because it will really bum me out.

  36. state as part of an effort to tighten regulations for summer camps in the area


  37. I take it most of you don’t have kids?! Because my son was hit in the face with a plastic bat during a game of whiffle ball and it bloodied his nose…so I think it’s okay that we at least treat these games with some common sense safety concerns.

    1. I have kids. And I whacked one of the with a whiffle bat after I saw him whacking another kid with it. That was 1983 I think. My kid is still going strong. He even tells me he loves me occasionally. Bu then again, I still have that bat.

    2. When you don’t have kids anymore, you’ll understand.

    3. Ever been hit in the face with a real bat? That’ll do a lot more than bloody his freakin’ nose. Christ, it’s not like he bled out and required transfusions, is it? He bleeds, it stops, life goes on, he’ll look out next time.

      If you’re concerned about your sprog getting a bloody nose, don’t let him outside without a helmet and 6 inches of padding.

    4. They probably hit him with the bat because his mom is a nag.

      My daughters have come in bleeding from any number of mishaps involving motion and concrete streets or sidewalks. Or both, if they were going fast enough. The scrapes get rinsed and they go back outside, sometimes after using pointy metal scissors to cut open an Otter Pop. They seem to be coping OK.

      1. What I think is cool about kids is this. When they come in all bloody, you try to clean to wound so it doesn’t get infected. But before you can get finished, the pain is gone and they get impatient with you cleaning the wound cuz they want to go back out and play.

    5. Yes, we must have medical professionals to supervise. Supervise everything. Supervise the play dates. Supervise the meadows. Supervise the streams. Supervise the lots. Maybe we can make it all mandatory and supervise, supervise, supervise the little boys, always and everywhere.

    6. A bloody nose! OMG!!!!!!! Is this a spoof?

    7. Oh my FUCKING GOD A goddamned BLOODY NOSE!

    8. dang, she just ruined that song for me…

  38. I immediately thought: What? Smear the Queer didn’t make the list? But then I found this…..070&page=1
    obviously, that childhood game was banned a long time ago.

  39. Looks like they’ve pulled the plug on this particular bad idea.…..95644.html

  40. When I was in high school(in Illinois) dodge-ball was banned. So my gym teacher changed it’s name to army/navy and we didn’t use dodge-balls. We used volleyballs and basketballs.




    Just one day before this important piece of legislation hit the news there was an actual whiffle incident in Pennsylvania!

    In my short lifetime we’ve gone from the Box Canyon Boys Camp to the “Wilkes-Barre Peace and Justice Center’s Peace Camp for Kids”. Sigh.

  42. Remain calm!

    To offset this insanity, I just want to remind everyone that I’ve purchased the Jarts? trade name, and will shortly begin producing lethally-sharp lawn dart sets. Send a set to all the kids you love!

    With that and my trusty Daisy BB gun (“You’ll Put Your Eye Out!!?”), it’s back to the small-town backyard of my childhood!

    1. One christmas, my grandpa bought all his grandchildren rifles and shotguns. I got a .22 and my brother got a .410.

  43. Can I reminisce about “Smear the Queer” some more? Sometimes a fat kid would get the ball. And because fat kids are usually slow, it was a fucking dog pile. One time I fell under the fat kid and was at the bottom of the dog pile. Gravel was embedded in my skin. Elbows were bleeding. Did we cry? Fuck no. We just scapped the gravel out of our skin and kept on running.

    1. Did you punch the fat kid in the head, afterward?

      In my neighborhood that was the usual punishment for being fat or slow!

      That or a headlock!

  44. By now the link is to a story that the decision was made not to enact the more restrictive regs after all.

    I’m just wondering if NY actually specifies specific games by name as high risk, and if so whether you can just rename it (as with dodge ball above) or substitute a very similar game, or modify the game so it no longer fits its usual definition. Like for instance if rugby were defined as high risk, what if you played Rugby Union by the IRB laws of, say, 2 years previous, figuring that whatever Rugby Union or Rugby League says the game is now is what “rugby” is, even if only some minor changes had been made?

  45. I also wonder whether the proposed list of “risky” activities was so stupidly drawn as to include Wiffle Ball games but exclude real hardball.

  46. Whiffle Ball is fun.

  47. *Wiffle* Ball is fun. Props to Kevin Mitchell.

  48. I look for the collapse of the state and life in the world to come.

  49. As a child of the 70s, I feel like grew up like HuckFinn compared to my nephews and nieces.

    Dirt clod fights, crab-apple fights, BB guns, model rockets, chemistry sets, fireworks, biking/skateboarding without helmets, etc etc. My parents let me roam through the neighborhood at will and I only came home for eating, sleeping and watching Star Blazers.

  50. “The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.”

  51. I plan to send my boys to a camp where they will dress up in dresses and play with barbie dolls for a week—

    1. Didn’t know that Fire Island had summer camps…

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