Oh My!

Jacob Sullum | 4.13.2011 4:10 PM

Did Patty Duke appear in an episode of Star Trek? If not, what is she doing alongside George Takei in these painfully awkward PSAs for the Social Security Administration, wearing Starfleety pajamas in front of a blue-screen simulation of the USS Enterprise's bridge? Maybe she's a Trekkie. Or a bad investor (which would make shilling for Social Security especially appropriate).

My favorite line: "Patty, let me be honest with you. Won't filing for Social Security benefits online be confusing?" (To which Patty replies that it's a snap compared to navigating through an asteroid belt.) Note that the SSA apparently did not have permission to use the Starfleet chest insignia, a detail that, along with Patty's anachronistic wristwatch, ruined the suspension of disbelief for me, although I've always been a Sulu fan.

[Thanks to Michele Sullum for the tip.]

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Libertymike 14 years ago

Are you channeling Dick Enberg?
Jay 14 years ago

I imagine that France wants to ban this to deflect attention from its racist (anti-immigration) ban on burqas.

All I want to say is, I want to be in France when the protests start over this....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/worl.....al-pay-sex
1. The Gobbler 14 years ago
  
  You can take my French whores when you pry them from my cold, dead hands
  1. The Immaculate Trouser 14 years ago
    
    Or damp and sticky, as it were.
2. dbcooper 14 years ago
  
  FUCK SARKOZY.
  
  This will be a joke in France.
3. Otto 14 years ago
  
  "80% of prostitutes are victims of trafficking"
  
  Good to know our politicians aren't the only ones to make up complete bullshit statistics.
  1. Shocked 14 years ago
    
    All depends on your definition of trafficking. They used the "owns on car and drives self around" version.
  2. dbcooper 14 years ago
    
    Hey man, the knows what he's talking about - he saw Taken!
4. cynical 14 years ago
  
  Somehow, I think the ability of wealthy, powerful French politicians to use their wealth and power to nail attractive young women will remain in place.
  1. cynical 14 years ago
    
    Whoa, wrong article...
Episiarch 14 years ago

Paramount will murder your children if you even think about using anything Star Trek related (though they haven't been able to get NutraSweet for his Kirk/Spock/Horta slash fic yet); how was the SSA able to get away with this?
1. Brett L 14 years ago
  
  Bigger guns, meaner lawyers, more money.
  1. gaijin97 14 years ago
    
    Photon torpedoes even?
2. SugarFree 14 years ago
  
  "Spock screamed, 'NO KILL I' as Kirk's semen sprayed the glowing body of the Horta. The sticky droplets evaporated in a puff of acrid steam."
  1. The Immaculate Trouser 14 years ago
    
    "Brain, brain, what is brain?!"
  2. The Immaculate Trouser 14 years ago
    
    "Brain, brain, what is brain?!"
  3. Episiarch 14 years ago
    
    HE'S RIGHT HERE ^^^, PARAMOUNT
3. GILMORE 14 years ago
  
  Paramount will murder your children if you even think about using anything Star Trek related
  
  Oh man.
  
  You have obviously never seen this
  
  Warning: NSFW
  
  But, SFHB (safe for hash brownies)
  1. Episiarch 14 years ago
    
    You NutraSweeted the link, dude. Nice going.
    1. ClubMedSux 14 years ago
      
      Isn't that technically only half-NutraSweeted, since the hyperlink itself works, it just goes to a bad link (as opposed to having orange-colored text that does nothing when you click it)?
      1. Episiarch 14 years ago
        
        Nope. You screw up the link at all, and you NutraSweeted it.
        
        ClubMedSux 14 years ago
        
        Duly noted.
        
        Otto 14 years ago
        
        Here's GILMORE's link.
        
        capitol l 14 years ago
        
        That was amazing. I'm now high.
4. TheZeitgeist 14 years ago
  
  I think Paramount only starts liquidating your offspring if there is even remote whiff that money could be made from said Star Trek branding, or that people might see it.
  
  So they're all cool with this.
Tim 14 years ago

Where's the fooking klingons when you need them?
The Immaculate Trouser 14 years ago

At least Takei has the good sense and self-respect to look and sound bored as fuck reading those staid lines.
1. Lurker 14 years ago
  
  "Target that explosion and fire!"
2. wylie 14 years ago
  
  I'm just curious what law Takei broke that he had to appear in this as part of his sentence.
  1. The Immaculate Trouser 14 years ago
    
    It involved children and a broken teleporter.
The Gobbler 14 years ago

"although I've always been a Sulu fan."

NTTAWWT
1. Joe M 14 years ago
  
  Damn it that was my joke!
2. Navigaytor 14 years ago
  
  Unbenownst to the the rest of the crew, Sulu surreptitiously and repeatedly entered a course heading directly for Uranus...or any other within reach by impulse power.
Fist of Etiquette 14 years ago

As I recall, in the pilot for The Patty Duke Show, Cathy Lane was the result of a transporter accident. Ironically, it was Patty, the original cousin, who was evil.
1. capitol l 14 years ago
  
  What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be trawling the tubez, looking for a reason to hate Tampa Bay?
  
  Isn't someone here from Tampa? SF? PL?
  
  I don't know they all look alike to me.
  
  Ryan Malone wears your ugly mom like a beard! Ha!
  1. NoVAHockey 14 years ago
    
    i've just decided that they're florida and that it's 1996. that's hate enough.
  2. Fist of Etiquette 14 years ago
    
    I am on my way to Consol as we speak.
    1. capitol l 14 years ago
      
      Dude, have fun. Be LOUD!
      
      We'll all look for you on the teevee.
      1. Fist of Etiquette 14 years ago
        
        I'm the one in the Lemieux jersey.
        
        capitol l 14 years ago
        
        You should wear a baby blue Crosby jersey, that way you'd really stand out.
        
        Fist of Etiquette 14 years ago
        
        Alotta shots second period, not alotta goalz.
        
        capitol l 14 years ago
        
        You shoulda saw da third.
        
        Fist of Etiquette 14 years ago
        
        The Con was deafening.
  3. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
    
    Are we talking hockey?
    1. capitol l 14 years ago
      
      Steve Stamkos wears your ugly mom like a beard! Ha!
      
      *scampers off*
    2. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
      
      'Cause if we are, prepare for pain, bitches.
2. The Gobbler 14 years ago
  
  "Patty, the original cousin, who was evil."
  
  Which is why a "hotdog" made her loose control.
Colin 14 years ago

Too bad they didn't get Duke's ex-husband instead. The Addams Family & Star Trek. Now, that would be something.

Can't understand why Takei would do a promo for the SSA, though, when they refuse to recognize his marriage.
capitol l 14 years ago

Patty, let me ask you a question: Is signing up for Social Security online harder than say, ummm, putting on a bra?

Cause if so, you ain't gettin' no check.

Yeah, I looked. Fuck off.
Corporate Drone 14 years ago

*sets phaser on DIE A LITTLE INSIDE*
wylie 14 years ago

Difficulty Scale:

online signup for SS benefits < navigating an asteroid field < filing taxes
1. Han Solo 14 years ago
  
  Never tell me the odds.
  1. wylie 14 years ago
    
    That was the uber-laugh that I desperately needed today.
    
    However, my assertion stands, since Solo could handle an asteroid field, but never paid his taxes.
  2. wylie 14 years ago
    
    (still waiting for Star Wars: Episode 16, where he signs up for Social Security, to verify the comparison completely)
    1. Han Solo 14 years ago
      
      I married a rich chick, what do I need Social Security for? But if I did I don't think I paid taxes since all my revenue was, er, off-the-books.
ClubMedSux 14 years ago

To paraphrase Ben Folds: "Give me my Snuggie back, give me my Snuggie back, you bitch."
Contrarian P 14 years ago

And Takei wins scary sounding laugh of the year award!
Ken Shultz 14 years ago

OMG.

Urkobold's hacked the Hit & Run servers...again!
1. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
  
  When talking Sulu, the proper statement is simply, "Oh my."
Solanum 14 years ago

This isn't good. A George Takei post and Pro Libertate is nowhere to be seen. Someone please alert the authorities and tell them to bring the cadaver dogs.
1. Pro Libertate 14 years ago
  
  I only continue to run Sulu Friday because of highnumber's unabiding love for Star Trek.
Wind Rider 14 years ago

Well, they may have not done a deal for the Star Fleet insignia rights, but you guys are just noticing the ever rising tide of gov sponsored propaganda health, safety, and welfare informational tv spots that have been flooding all the backwater ad spots on cable television programming. While they didn't splurge for Paramount Rights, they had nooooooo problem shelling out an undetermined amount to Disney to use the Cinderella footage for that rage inducing car booster seat spot. Even at 3am rates on some of the bottom of the viewership channels and a great mass marketing discount (but figure the odds of some aparatchik drone scoring that kind of deal), we've still got to be watching several tens, dozens, probably more millions of dollars simply being evaporated for the benefit of eventually making you want to throw things at your television. Yeah, I'll have another ice cream, thank you very much for asking.
1. wylie The Progressive 14 years ago
  
  So, what you're saying is, we need to subsidize TVs?
Zeb 14 years ago

I had assumed that Patty Duke was dead.
1. JW 14 years ago
  
  Judging by those ads, she is.
This Dave 14 years ago

When you say her watch is anachronistic, do you mean to the 2250's or 1960's?
rac 14 years ago

Dis she say asteroid, or hemorrhoid belts?
baby clothes 14 years ago

The good thing of the internet is that i usually come across with unrelated to my interests posts but at the same time interesting.
Nike Dunk Shoes 13 years ago

thanks

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