Media

If David Brooks' Movement and Thomas Friedman's Movement United, the World Would Discover the Power of Two

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Few things are as pathetic as a New York Times columnist calling for a mass movement built around his pet slogans.

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113 responses to “If David Brooks' Movement and Thomas Friedman's Movement United, the World Would Discover the Power of Two

  1. Dundertwin powers, activate!

  2. Please don’t ask me to read David Brooks. If you don’t ask me to read David Brooks, I won’t ask you to read Thomas Friedman. How fair is that?

    1. Meh, I thought they were both pen names for whoever writes press releases for the DNC.

    2. Quit spelling my name wrong!

      1. Anal Vannemann|11.12.10 @ 10:38AM|#

        Quit spelling my name wrong!

        That was excruciatingly unfunny.

  3. Whenever I read The New York Times, I also pick up on some sexual tension between Paul Krugman and Thomas Friedman. Am I the only one?

    1. Probably, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true!

    2. No. I feel it too.

    3. I recommend “Krug-Jobs Vol. 3: Supply and Demand.”

      1. Thanks for the visual.

      2. Thanks, first laugh of the day for me.

        1. [insert “money shot” joke here]

  4. So is Brooks the guy who looked at Obama’s pants and saw the face of God, or the guy who let a Senator massage his “thigh” through his pants for an hour? One of them was Frum, and one of them was Brooks, right? I can’t tell token-Tory closet cases with creepy pants stories apart.

    Because I’m a racist.

    1. Brooks is the one who thought Obama would be a great president because the creases in his pants were sharp. Frum is the guy who let a male senator massage his thigh for an hour.

      America, this is your New York Times editorial page.

      1. Holy shit. I’ve hated Frum for over a decade now. From back when he was threatening to take his marbles home if the GOP didn’t back bombing the shit out of the Serbs. How is it possible that I did not hear this story until now?

        You know, he does have that look on his face like he is having a hard time living with himself.

        As a veteran of the congressional intern racket, I have to say, hey Frumsy, if they make you uncomfortable, and not the other way around*, you lose the game Prince calls Life.

        *congressmen have a definite tendency to get nervous when people who are taller than them share elevators rides. Not that I’m tall, they just tend to be Napoleons. Add asynchronous breathing patterns to the silence and you got a seriously spooked congressman.

      2. John’s columnist classification system is far more interesting than the columns themselves.

        Which one was Dowd?

        1. The aging American princess who spent her whole life thinking no man was good enough for her only to end up a bitter spinster.

        2. Pretty much everything Dowd has ever written can be traced back to her inability to get laid after about 1995.

          1. I’d let her suck my dick, as long as she didn’t offer commentary in the process.

            Oh, and fix me a sandwich before you leave, toots.

            1. I’ve been with prettier, I have been with uglier, and she in no way turns me off physically. It is the brain tumor of a personality I have been exposed to through her columns and a few hours of television that makes a hop in the sack a no go from the start.

      3. America, this is your New York Times editorial page.

        WTF?!?!

        Look i got mountains to purple and some magisty and crap to mess with plus there is that whole “Race and Space” thing, apple pie, baseball, some Japanese dudes trying to steal comic books from me, a huge Jazz record collection i need to digitize, Pizza, and a banjo. I can’t be responsible for everything

        Can’t it simply be New York’s New York Times?

        1. Can’t it simply be New York’s New York Times?

          Yeah we like The Post better anyways.

  5. You want to hear about a merger? Well, here’s one that’ll cause at least 3 people in America to take notice.

    Take a failed weekly with a horrible website and add a leftist propaganda machine. This can’t lose!

    1. Newsweek wasn’t a leftist propaganda machine already?

      1. a=another. Sorry, just a typo.

    2. It’ll be too big to fail. We’ll make sure it gets funded. There are still plenty of Democrats in office.

  6. I’m down for taking a massive movement on Brooks’ ideas. Heck, on Brooks himself why not?

    I’ll have a huge lunch so how about around 8pm tonight?

  7. Jesse, I am going to start my mid-morning bowel movement while holding you accountable for inciting the reading of diarrrhea known as a David Brook’s column.

    *think exploding dye pack in bank money bag

    1. *Also known as a “gullywasher”

  8. jump on a buzzing sack full of live grenades.

    Que?

    1. I’m guessing he borrowed Friedman’s magical bag of metaphors/model airplane glue.

  9. “Hey, kids! Want to know what’s the hottest toy for this season?”

    “YES!!!”

    “Well, here it is! It’s the ‘Build Your Own Movement’ construction kit! All you need to build your very own mass movement, complete with catchy slogans, diatribes, and speeches, designed to get people excited about changing their country!”

    “Yay!! I want one!”

    “Ok, little David, hold on to your horses! There’s enough for all, including you! Now every kid inthe country can build their movement and affect change! Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  10. You libertoid twits will never have to worry about a mass movement growing up around your pet slogans. Still, you’ll probably get enough donations to keep pumping them out.

    1. I made my own movement. I my pants.

    2. Re: Max,

      Max, H&R’s pet yorkie, ladies and gentlemen.

      Here Max! Here, boy! Go fetch! That’s a good boy, Max!

    3. ARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARFARF!!!!!!!!!!

      1. Shows what you know cuz it’s called a “burqa” and its very slimming. Er, I mean I’ve heard it can be very slimming.

    4. Your check is in the mail, Max.

  11. What a stirring sermon, Pastor Brooks.

    Just give me a moment to wipe away these tears of rapture, and then hand me that rattlesnake; the big one. He won’t bite me, for I am infused with the spirit of Honest Abe.

  12. “And the newspaper said: ‘Indians vow to endeavor to persevere.’ We thought it for a long time, endeavor to persevere, and when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.”

    1. I freaking love that movie, and that’s one of the best lines from it.

      Now I’m going to be singing “Rose of Alabama” for the rest of the day.

      1. Dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’, boy.

    2. A fine film, and there are few awesomes as awesome as Chief Dan George was.

      1. No offense. None taken.

  13. Was anyone actually able to read the whole thing? I got through 2 paragraphs, and realized that must be some sort of record.

    1. It was the most well-written piece by Brooks in some time and it still made me want to vomit.

    2. I did not. Teh Force is not strong enough in me.

    3. In Jackass 4, Johnny and Steve-O will attempt their most dangerous stunt ever: trying to survive an entire David Brooks column.

  14. before the next round of voting begins, I suspect we will see another mass movement: a movement of people who don’t feel represented by either of the partisan orthodoxies; a movement of people who want to fundamentally change the norms, institutions and rigidities that cause our gridlock and threaten our country.

    They’re playing our song!

    You can’t organize a movement like this around pain

    Yes we can!

    How can you love your country if you hate the other half of it?

    Has the governing class already reached 50% of the population?

    1. Beat me to it. If only there were another way, some existing movement that rejected both Team Red and Team Blue around which people could rally…

      But I knew he’d never endorse the “The Rent is Too Damn High” party.

      1. Listen. Did you hear it? Y’all don’t listen like me.

    2. So what exactly is he proposing? A movement based on doing what’s necessary and yet not too harsh? this from a guy who was supportive of most of the major spending initiatives of the past decade?

  15. You know who else wanted to create a movement that transcended partisanship and was about national greatness? Yeah, that’s right: Superman.

    1. Man, I thought you were heading for Lee Greenwood or Dopey Toby Keith

      1. AN’ UM PROUD TA BE ‘MURCAN!! WHERE AT LEAST AYYY TUK RRRRR JERRRRBBS FORD TRUCKZ AN DRINKING HORSE WHISKEY WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1!!!11!!!>:O

          1. Don’t let ’em drink whiskey an’ drive them ol’ trucks; let ’em be doctors an’ lawyers an’ such.

        1. ROR (Raugh out roud)

          1. Send lawyers, guns, and money.

      2. There were a lot of options. Since I have become disillusioned with Smallville, I chose Kal-El.

      3. Sexist!!!

        1. Racist!!!

          1. Alive-ist!!

          2. The gun I held was trembling in my hand.

    2. He wants to create a movement that throws out our “dysfunctional political system” and replaces it with an enlightened group of ruling elites.

      Truth be told, Brooks is dead certain that Americans are too stupid to rule themselves and are in dire need of a benevolent dictator. And I’m sure he knows just the guy for the job.

    3. Superman IV isn’t canon.

      1. Tell that to Christopher Reeve.

      2. Speaking of super heroes. Kristen Dunst of Spiperman fan finally got her kit off for a movie. Judging from the stills, her body is every bit as good as you would hope it would be.

        1. Kristen Dunst of Spiperman

          John, you’re actually Jackie Harvey, aren’t you?

        2. Are they gonna put someone elses face on it? And maybe someone’s talent?

          1. Her face is plenty good. You leave Dunst alone.

            1. Me and every other guy at the party.

              1. You and every gay guy maybe. Seriously, I don’t get the Dunst hate.

            2. I liked Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.

              She only had a bit part though.

    4. I’m pissed at Superman. I wasted a whole post on Monkey Tuesday talking about a hypothetical test monkey sent to Earth from Krypton, only to find out while I was looking for images that they’d already done that with Beppo, the Supermonkey.

      Is it any wonder that Zod is more popular than Superman?

      1. KNEEL before Zod!

        Now, DO THIRTY SQUAT-THRUSTS before Zod!

  16. Ageist!!!

  17. Brooks is dead certain that Americans are too stupid to rule themselves.

    Yes, and he is doing a remarkable job of convincing me that it’s true, too.

    1. We’re ALL too stupid to rule over all of the rest of us. Which is why none of us should try to.

      Glad we’re all in agreement. Please dismantle Leviathan, and make sure you close the door when you leave.

      1. Don’t forget to turn out the compact fluorescent light. Fucking thing’s giving me a headache anyway.

  18. The New York Times first needs mass readership before it can call for a mass movement — something highly unlikely.

    1. The NYT is obsolete in a world where toilet paper is already cheap and plentiful.

  19. Pro-State = Prostate

  20. Dear America-

    Please be all you can be.

    xoxo

    Where’s my check, NYT?

  21. This guy really doesn’t seem to realize that it was worrying about National Greatness that got us to where we are now.

    It’s when you chuck National Greatness out the window that you can finally start talking about matching expenditures to revenues.

    “We need to do X to be Nationally Great!”

    That only ends when people no longer give a shit about being Great, but only want to be wise and honest.

    1. Utopian visions get us into more trouble than just about anything else, be they religious, political, economic, or otherwise.

    2. A real national greatness program would say “we can solve these problems ourselves without the help of the government”. But I don’t think Brooks would like that very much.

    3. You know what’s nationally great? The Movement in my pants.

      1. it moved.

  22. “Few things are as pathetic as a New York Times columnist”

    The sentence was perfectly complete at that point.

    It was totally unneccessary to add anything else.

    1. You beat me to it.

  23. Meanwhile, Krugabe has collapsed in a disheveled heap on the fainting couch, huffing and puffing in high dudgeon.

    It’s no mystery what has happened on the deficit commission: as so often happens in modern Washington, a process meant to deal with real problems has been hijacked on behalf of an ideological agenda. Under the guise of facing our fiscal problems, Mr. Bowles and Mr. Simpson are trying to smuggle in the same old, same old ? tax cuts for the rich and erosion of the social safety net.

    Can anything be salvaged from this wreck? I doubt it. The deficit commission should be told to fold its tents and go away.

    1. I read that as “the fainting cooch“. I LOL’ed – I kind of like “fainting cooch” better.

    2. He says “social safety net” like it’s a good thing.

    3. Awesome. I actually read this very paragraph out loud this morning to my brother to invoke vomiting – disappointingly, just a little throw-up in the mouth. C’mon Kruggie, you can do better than that.

  24. Brooks’s best pet slogan was Bobos (Bourgeois Bohemians, from his breakout book Bobos in Paradise). I still use the term, and am surprised how little I am asked to explain it.

    “Wayne, Pa. is a Latte Town.”

  25. I didn’t get to this gem until a little while ago ’cause the usual coffee related purge was five hours late. Sigh. Why can’t our trolls produce an exquisite masterpiece of cognitive non functionality like this? It pushes all the right notes (false consciousness, corporations, deregulation, evil tax cuts, market fundamentalism, Somalia!), made from all the right words denoting all the right players without having the faintest understanding of the underlying relationships. Bonus points for anyone who can separate out the Cream of Marxism from the Canned Liberalism. So well blended, I think you will be hard pressed to tell them apart.

    http://www.news-record.com/con…..ion_s_ruin

    The United States today is in desperate need of civil discussion about our future prospects as a people.

    Blind faith in free markets, unregulated capitalism and demagogic politicians is undermining social assiduity.

    Many citizens do not recognize the limits of U.S. power nor the degenerative influence of corporate money in our political system as well as the airwaves.

    The corporate media outlets on all the major television networks distract our national attention from the issues actually plaguing our country; instead they offer sensationalism, infotainment and vainglorious tropes about nothing of substance.
    Our historical amnesia is ruining this country along with our irascible defense of the ultra-wealthy establishment.

    It is time we as a people abandon our sympathy for the ultra-rich and their perpetual insistence on more tax cuts.

    The corporate establishment and its henchmen on talk radio are brainwashing the working class in this country to vote against its own economic interests.

    Taxes are not anathema. If one is curious what a country with no taxes looks like, try Somalia.

    The anti-tax fervor must cease if we are to advance; our foreign competitors are excelling and the multinational corporate establishment is laughing as it exploits our petty differences for monetary gain.

    Ryan Cassidy
    Greensboro

    1. The corporate establishment and its henchmen on talk radio are brainwashing the working class in this country to vote against its own economic interests.

      It is always striking to me that leftists bitch that libertarians are “selfish”, but then also bitch that “da workin’ class” refuses to vote for what the left perceives to be its own selfish interest.

      So, wait a second, douches. Are we supposed to be voting our own selfish interest, or not? Pick one.

      It seems to me that “patriotic” people would vote for what they reasoned to be justice, whether or not it advanced their own interest.

      1. I hear that a lot too: “republicans are really good at getting poor people to vote against their own self interest”, not considering for a moment that poor people might have principles too. And perhaps even diversity of opinion.
        I wonder if the same people try to convince right people to vote for republicans. That would be in their self interest, right?

      2. Good point. I will never comprehend a mentality that has had so little experience with the world that the person holding the point of view believes corporations trying to sell you something are more dangerous to your well being than governments which holds a figurative gun to your head at all times, and a literal one more than a few occasional isolated incidents.

        Then the whole Somalia deal. If their rhetorc is to be believed, at some point in time in 1990 thereabouts, the people of Somalia decided government was evil and needed to be disposed, so like naive anarco-capitalist, they did just that.

        How is a failed state not the responsibility of the governing factions instead of some ephemeral condition of statelessness?

        1. apologies for sloppy editing, noun-verb agreement, etc., blah, I’m doing several task at the moment that involve more than one other person.

    2. The United States today is in desperate need of civil discussion about our future prospects as a people.

      Blind faith in globalism, unregulated immigration and demagogic politicians is undermining the American Dream.

      Many citizens are not aware of the deliberate undermining of U.S. power nor the degenerative influence of anti-business sentiment in our political system as well as the airwaves.

      The liberal media outlets on all the major television networks distract our national attention from the issues actually plaguing our country; instead they offer immorality, anti-Americanism, infotainment and just about nothing of substance.

      Our historical amnesia is ruining this country along with our willingness to accommodate the anti-American fringe.

      It is time we as a people abandon our toleration of liberal elites and their perpetual insistence on more social engineering.

      The government and its henchmen on public radio are brainwashing the young people in this country to vote against their own economic interests.

      The Constitution is not anathema. If one is curious what a country with no Constitution looks like, try Somalia.

      The anti-business, pro-globalist fervor must cease if we are to advance; our foreign competitors are excelling and the liberal establishment is laughing as it exploits our petty differences for political gain.

    3. The United States today is in desperate need of civil discussion about our future prospects as a people.

      Blind faith in power, ceaseless lawmaking, and demagogic politicians are undermining any notion of national sustainability.

      Many citizens recognize neither the defects inherent in democracy, nor the degenerative influence of the federal monopoly over their currency.

      The corporate media outlets on all the major television networks distract our national attention from the issues actually plaguing our country; instead they offer alarmism, tribalism, utter banality, and almost never anything of much substance.

      An historical amnesia is ruining this country; people should know better by now than to blindly put their faith in the hands of those whose lives are spent in the pursuit of power.

      It is time we as a people abandon our sympathy for this culture of power and its perpetual insistence on an ever-decreasing scope of individual freedom.

      The establishment and its henchmen in the media are brainwashing the people of this country to vote against its own economic interests.

      Trade is not anathema. If one is curious what a country with no trade looks like, try Cuba.

      These threats to personal liberty and must cease if we are to advance; our foreign competitors are excelling and the multinational power establishment is laughing as it exploits our petty differences for monetary gain.

      1. The United States today is in desperate need of civil discussion about our future prospects as a people.

        That doesn’t make sense, liberty means no involuntary servitude, including being drafted into a dialog with people you wished dead.

  26. Just got to the post below it. Brothers Koch, you have made it, after all! That five minute hate against you went viral and is now a permanent fixation of the left.

    Was it Jane Mayer who discovered your evil monocled, ‘stache twisting misdeeds? She deserves a Pulitzer, for sure!

    http://www.news-record.com/con…..Rgn_PgBody

    I think that’s exactly what the Koches, Limbaughs etc in the US really want… a bullets-for-food economy where might makes right.

  27. If The NY times took any note of Walker’s existence, he would shit his pants with glee.

    1. Max, You really are a fucking idiot.

      Walker’s articles have appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Salon, The New Republic, L.A. Weekly, National Review, No Depression, Radio World, Telos, Z, and numerous other publications. He has also worked as a DJ, a dishwasher, and a miscellaneous office grunt, and was once hired to help move a clandestine dog farm.

      https://reason.com/people/jesse-walker/all

      1. Honey, quit bothering these people. Come up from the basement and help Mommy find the little man in the boat.

      2. Anyone who hurls as many insults as I do is bound to have a miss from time to time, so fuck you. And anyway, Walker is still a full-time right-wing hack, so fuck you again, you simple-minded piece of shit.

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