Friday Funnies

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?



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  1. Payne, I smiled.

    Good morning reason!

    Drowning polar bears since 1978

    1. “How many Congressmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

      Two; but it has to be a really huge light bulb.

  2. On the plus side, that fat congressman got federal subsidies for the factory in his district which produced that ladder that he didn’t need.

    1. Not to mention the one time “stimulus” to the manufacturers of incandescent bulbs from those of us who decided to stockpile against the coming dark ages.

  3. Ker-plunk. Payne has hit bottom.

  4. The politicians won’t be happy until America resembles China.

    The 25% of the country that works for the unions will be living high on the hog, the other 75% will be living like Stone Aged peasants.

    1. I’m assuming you’re primarily attacking public unions, because there is no way private unions are tied to 25% of the work force. Regardless, there are some people who would like to see that situation come about. I’m not one of them. I’ve come to the conclusion that we employ far too many people at every level of government who should have just been day laborers, janitors, and assembly line workers. Alas, higher pay, ‘free’ benefits, a worthless job you can’t be fired from, and the ability to look at fist-fucking porn all day long are just more appealing than actually doing anything productive. To some extent I can’t blame them, and then I stop taking my happy drugs and start to remember that these people fucking suck.

      And looking like China isn’t so bad from a certain perspective. Their long term trajectory seems to be going up, while ours is decidedly heading in the other direction. Granted they have a shit-ton of pollution, but, at least in Hong Kong, you can start a business in a couple of hours whereas in Maryland last year it took an associate of mine 3 months to get through the paperwork. When he bitched to me about it, I said “Well, at least you aren’t in Cleveland”.

  5. Finally, light bulbs have done something useful!

  6. How many filthy, stinking congressmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two. One to walk by with no bulb but a ladder and one to throw feces.

    1. Peter, why do you wear women’s shirts? (The buttons are on the wrong side.)

  7. In Payne’s defense, it’s hard to make jokes in a post-reductio world.

    1. It never stops you and the other jokers here. I keed! You’re the tops, kiddo.

      1. Your comment is false and defamatory to Arthur Alan Wolk. Retract it immediately or face legal action.

        1. Is he the guy who wrote “The Telltale Heart”?

          1. Well, he sure as shit isn’t a child molester, I’ll tell you that much.

            1. How do you know?

              1. Good point, capitol l. All I can say for sure is that I’ve never observed Arthur Alan Wolk molesting a child.

                1. So you’re saying you have no evidence that Arthur Alan Wolk has molested children?

  8. Some bitch got in my face the other day saying “Well, competition created the new light bulbs, and they were so good no one uses the old ones. See, the government isn’t involved in that.” I had to restrain myself from slapping the stupid out of her.

    1. You could have abused her verbally, Episiarch-style. Something like, “Are you fucking retarded, you fucking cunt!?” People appreciate that approach.

      1. Well, you know, hookers don’t like to be abused until you’ve paid them. Luckily, I forgot my wallet and ‘had to run out to my car to get it’. I figured that was enough of a slight.

    1. Holy shit, that was a lot of words about furries.

    2. I needed that this morning 🙂

    3. Poor OU. The only thing they have in Athens is booze and roofies to pass the time. I suppose they needed soemthing to boost their self-esteem.

    4. I thought it was funny that the guy isn’t even an OU student, which they somehow missed, and that that plot was the only reason he tried out to be mascot. That’s dedication.

    5. My favorite part is the quote, “He’s clearly a tenacious [compound adjective].” I love editing for swear words!!! I’m gonna start calling my congressional representatives “compound adjectives.”

    6. “He’s clearly a tenacious [compound adjective].

      I’ve been called a lot of things in my life…

    1. A very thorough and insightful analysis!

      And effing depressing too, given the direction we’re headed.


      Time for another happy pill for me.

    2. “Ear candle”?! Good god I hope that isn’t what I think it is.

  9. Wait, I don’t get it. Where does it say that Obama is a bad president?


  11. That is awful.

    I work with a guy named Ed. Ed is a dumbass who likes to make up his own jokes. He then likes to run around and tell everyone who will listen because he is too stupid to realize his jokes aren’t funny. Luckily for the rest of us, when he tries to be serious he can’t help but be funny (the other day he, completely oblivious to his mistake, told me that the Souix Army at Little Big Horn must have been “high on coyote” instead of peyote).

    Before this cartoon, I thought Payne must have not been clever enough to be very funny, but too smart to be inadvertently funny. Now I’m not so sure.

    Perhaps Mr. Payne could be shifted from cartoons to op-eds?

    1. “high on coyote” made me laugh out loud, so thanks for the that (and thank you, too, Ed!)

  12. I don’t dare hope that a Republican resurgence in November could lead to them allowing us to continue to use incandescent bulbs. That’s just crazy talk.

  13. Not too bad, but I’d like to see a cartoon showing outraged consumers shoving a compact florescent bulb up George W. Bush’s ass.

  14. I lay a log and it plugs the shitter. Thanks Jimmy Carter.
    I turn on the light and can’t see to read. Thanks Osama Obama.
    But I trust them with my healthcare. What could go wrong?

    1. dippy, it was Bush who signed the bill outlawing incandescent bulbs. This is one case where it is proper to blame it on Bush.

      1. I think this type of garbage should be attributed to government in general regardless of the party that birthed it. Blaming Bush or Obama is like arguing about the virtues of Yellow vs. Green shit. It’s still shit despite its color.

        1. LOL – now THAT is funny! Thanks, D —

          1. You’re welcome Kansas City. I’m here all night.

        2. Hahah, your killin me Drax, I’m sitting here laughing my ass of out loud at work

  15. How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    one politician to run on the ‘anti-lightbulb based crime/ pro-energy efficient bulbs/ anti-lightbulb tax cuts for the rich/ pro-subsidised lightbulbs for the disadvantaged/ pro-lightbulb safety /pro-saving lightbulb jobs’ platform

    One lightbulb rationing czar to be appointed after the election

    Several hundred thousand to have a say in the exceedingly dense National lightbulb legislation.

    30 to 50 to form fact-finding and exploratory lightbulb committees

    One to make sure enough there’s enough administrative buffers and distracting political sideshows so he can take the ladder away for the original ulterior motive of being able to reach the really high shelves in Fort Knox.

    1. This sounds eerily accurate.

  16. How many politicians does it take to screw UP the country? Not as many as we have, but certainly as many as we’ve got.

  17. How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Well, according to the CBO, you would need at least five to hold the bulb. Two per every five holders to hold the holders on the ladder. Ten per every two holders of the bulb holders to hold the ladder. Then we need to build some kind of a merry-go-round under the light socket to facilitate the screwing in and screwing out of bulbs. The merry-go-round must be manned by no less than five union carnies at any given time to ensure it is constantly ready should a bulb need to be replaced. The Merry-go-round should not be painted with lead paint and should be at least 75% assembled and 50% sourced in the United States. Furthermore, the holders of the lightbulb shall wear white cotton gloves while handling the bulb so that they do not contaminate the outer glass.

    Additionally, lightbulbs should be replaced once per fiscal quarter to ensure only the most efficient bulbs are in use throughout the year.

    The EPA shall oversee the bulb changing, the USDA shall ensure the gloves are of the purest cotton, OSHA will be required to inspect the ladder to ensure it is compliant with the most up to date safety regulations. The congress shall create a Merry-go-round blue ribbon panel to ensure the merry-go-round is up to code and rotates with enough torque to ensure the proper installation of the bulb. The congress will create a panel to coordinate the ladder holders and the ladder holders hsll create a panel to coordinate the bulb holder holders and the bulb holder holders shall create a panel to coordinate the bulb holders.

    The President shall appoint a czar. . . too far???

  18. I liked it without the commentary.

    Just show the picture of the politician walking away from the problem, and taking a tool for the solution with him.

  19. They banned the fucking light bulb. I dont think even the best Sci-fi wrighter could come up with a more insane alternate universe.

    If I had the money,I would buy these plants that are making incandescent light bulbs and I would keep them RUNNING illegally and I would sell my bulbs on the black market.

    I hate these fucking eco-bulbs they give me a headache, they are more expensive and they are going to become a monopoly as soon as regular bulbs exit the market.

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