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The Five Quotes on the New Oval Office Rug

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During his summer vacation, Barack Obama had an guesstimated $20,000 makeover done to the Oval Office in the White House (all paid for by donations).

The attention-getter so far? A new rug with the following quotes on it:

  • "The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself," President Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • "The Arc of the Moral Universe is Long, But it Bends Towards Justice," Martin Luther King Jr.
  • "Government of the People, By the People, For the People," President Abraham Lincoln
  • "No Problem of Human Destiny is Beyond Human Beings," President John F. Kennedy
  • "The Welfare of Each of Us is Dependent Fundamentally Upon the Welfare of All of Us," President Theodore Roosevelt

Two FDR quotes Two quotes from Roosevelts but still no space for my personal favorite, in which he FDR dismissed Italian Americans as "a bunch of opera singers"?

Or room for this one, as dug up by the NYT's Maureen Dowd?:

"There are times where you can afford to redecorate your house, and there are times where you need to focus on rebuilding the foundation."—Barack Obama, February 2009

What, pray tell, readers, would your choice quotes be?

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272 responses to “The Five Quotes on the New Oval Office Rug

  1. “Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians!” – George A. Custer

    1. “Hey Sally, come up here and turn down my bed!” – Thomas Jefferson

    2. “It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!”

  2. I only saw one FDR quote.

    1. Correct. FDR != Teddy R

  3. They would all be my own quotes. Fuck humble.

    1. “Why can’t I just eat my waffle?”

      “Just let me eat my waffle.”

      1. leave me out of this

        1. “tits or gtfo”

    2. “Everybody loves democracy when it’s fucking over the other guy.”

      “Your mouth looks like the sweetest asshole I’ll ever know.”

      “The ‘technical virgin’ is the only proof that a benevolent God might exist.”

      “The only people who don’t like snark are those not witty enough to participate.”

      “The perfume of Billy’s colon almost drove Roy mad.”
      Noted by Warty thusly: “This is the worst sentence I’ve ever read.”

      1. “Open the pod bay doors, HAL.”

        1. You’ll never get rid of me that easily!

  4. “Don’t steal, the government hates competition.”

    “All we ask is to be let alone.”

    “You stick your leg in and you stick your leg out, and then you turn it all about, thats what its all about.”

    “Yo, yo yo yo yo, Ima let you finish and all, but the daddy George Bush had the best Middle Eastern War of all TIME!”

  5. This is where the decidin done git done!

  6. “No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.” – Long Duk Dong

  7. “We’re buying shrimp, guys.” – Yours truly

  8. That rug is such quintessential PoMo vapidity.

  9. “A witty saying proves nothing.”-Voltaire

    1. Especially l’esprit de l’escalier

  10. We’re gonna need a bigger boat – R. Schieder

    1. I love that. Also:

      “Fast fish.”

        1. “I’m gonna nut.”- Bill Clinton

        2. Monica kneeled here.

  11. “That rug really tied the room together, did it not?”

    1. “The POTUS Abides”

      1. “The Chinaman is NOT the issue!”

  12. “Every day for the past ten years, Loretta here’s been giving me a large black coffee. Except today she gives me a large black coffee and it has sugar in it. Alotta sugar. I just came back to complain.” – Harry Callahan

    1. “Get ready to be ruled by the black man!”

  13. “My hovercraft is full of eels.”

    1. “Robots are stealing my luggage.”

    2. That sounds Hungarian to me.

      1. “I will not buy this record; it is scratched.”

        1. “Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait till lunchtime.”

          1. Google should insert all of those phrases into its translator next April 1.

          2. “Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?”

  14. Ozymandias: It doesn’t take a genius to see the world has problems.
    The Comedian: No, but it takes a room full of morons to think they’re small enough for them to handle.

  15. Made in China

    1. +1

      A few years ago my roommate had a tin of candy with the presidential seal on it (her brother who worked in the White House kitchen had sent some swag). I turned it over, and sure enough, it was made in China.

      1. To clarify, I don’t give a shit where White House candy tins, wallpaper, or chairs were made, it was simply amusing to imagine a Chinese factory churning out items with the presidential seal on them.

  16. “Four-fifths of all our troubles would disappear, if we would only sit down and keep still.” Calvin Coolidge

  17. “For those about to rock, we salute you.”

    – Angus Young

    1. “Dirty deeds done dirt cheap.”

      1. “We have big balls.”

        1. You have balls. I like balls.

        2. http://tinyurl.com/4zxvr

          LBJ: And another thing – the crotch, down where your nuts hang – is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it’s just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I’ve had anywhere in the United States,

          JH: Fine

          LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can’t leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.

  18. One more. “Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration has been minding my own business.”

  19. “Be a simple man. Be something you love and understand.”

    -R. Van Zant

  20. “No Problem of Human Destiny is Beyond Human Beings,” President John F. Kennedy

    “…as long as you’re willing to kill enough people.” [Unspoken necessary second clause to this progressivist bullshit.]

  21. Good thing I still had the joke handle when I fucked up the quote.

  22. “Lies, Damn Lies, and Obamaisms: Sweep Under Here.”

  23. “Study says heavy drinkers live longer than nondrinkers.”- Radley Balko

  24. H.L. Mencken

    The only good bureaucrat is one with a pistol at his head. Put it in his hand and it’s good-by to the Bill of Rights.

    Were these supposed to be quotes by presidents or about them?

    1. A Mencken quote would’ve been great. Obama might’ve won some brownie points by appealing to our underlying distrust of government. Naturally, he’s incapable of such things.

  25. Martin Luther King is technically incorrect; he was quoting the words of 19th-century Unitarian minister Theodore Parker, who wrote it in 1853.

  26. “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

    Wordy, but helpful for the president to see every morning.

    1. Pain is an essential part of the learning process; unfortunately, we sometimes do not survive our most profound learning experiences.

      -Can’t Remember

      1. Sounds like a longer version of “that which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

        1. “Nietzsche has an s in it.”

          1. So do I…

  27. The one quote which simply has to be there…
    “Respect mah authoriteh!”

    1. Perfect for this administration — in tone and substance.

    2. Whatever, I do what I want!

  28. That government is best which governs least – H. D. Thoreau

    Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force; like fire, a troublesome servant and a fearful master. – G. Washington

    1. Men have become the tools of their tools
      — Henry David Thoreau

    2. Yeah, well.

  29. “Present.”

  30. “Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas?”

  31. “Go fuck yourself.” Unknown

  32. “…” – “Silent” Cal Coolidge

  33. “Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you” – Lewis from Ghostbusters

    “We all got it coming, kid.” –

    1. “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. . .and I’m all out of bubblegum.”

      I’d vote for the bastard if he’d used that quote.

  34. “I’ll have the cream of sum yung gai.”

  35. Leave da gun; take da cannolis – Peter Clemenza

    Words to live by.

  36. “–Or was it unlock the safe then swim to the surface?” – H. Houdini

    “Anyone who uses the phrase ‘easy as taking candy from a baby’ has never tried taking candy from a baby.” – R. Hood

    “Easy credit terms available…” – Satan

  37. “Not God bless America, GOD DAMN America!”

  38. “I like turtles”

  39. “Courage, Dan.”

  40. “Today, when a concerted effort is made to obliterate this point, it cannot be repeated too often that the Constitution is a limitation on the government, not on private individuals — that it does not prescribe the conduct of private individuals, only the conduct of the government — that it is not a charter for government power, but a charter of the citizen’s protection against the government.” –Ayn Rand

    “Repeal that [welfare] law, and you will soon see a change in their manners. St. Monday and St. Tuesday, will soon cease to be holidays. Six days shalt thou labor, though one of the old commandments long treated as out of date, will again be looked upon as a respectable precept; industry will increase, and with it plenty among the lower people; their circumstances will mend, and more will be done for their happiness by inuring them to provide for themselves, than could be done by dividing all your estates among them.” –Benjamin Franklin

    “The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.” Cicero (~55 BC)

    1. You realize that the rug only covers the Oval Office, and not the whole White House, right?

    2. Not a real quote. Snopes debunked it. Real quote is “The arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and assistance to foreign hands should be curtailed, lest Rome fall.”

  41. “It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.”

    “The best government is a benevolent tyranny tempered by an occasional assassination.”

    “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.”

    “The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become”

    “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first”

  42. “Evil will always triumph over evil, because GOOD IS DUMB.”

    “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”

    “You killed Kenny!”

    1. Evil will always triumph over good. Duh.

      1. I like the original; there is plenty of evil to go around.

  43. “Authority should derive from the consent of the governed, not from threat of force!” – Barbie, Toy Story 3

  44. “Put…the candle…back.”

  45. “Welcome Lobbyists!

    (All others park outside)”

  46. “Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.” –Calvin Coolidge

  47. A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. ? Barry Goldwater (1964)

    If we were directed from Washington when to sow and when to reap, we would soon want for bread. ? Thomas Jefferson

    I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them – Thomas Jefferson

    Don’t quote me boy cuz I ain’t said shit – Easy-E

  48. “Pot had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow if you could afford it. Not smack, though.” -BHO

    “Everybody knows that it makes no sense, and, you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed. It costs? when? if you? they just give? you gave ’em treatment early, and they got some treatment, and, uh? Breathalyzer? or, uh, an inhalator ? not a Breathalyzer. I haven’t had much sleep in the last 48 hours, so -BHO

    “It turns out that I was being suckered.” -Barney Frank

    “We have to pass the bill so you can find out what’s in it.” -Nancy Pelosi

    “John McCain has not talked about my Muslim faith.” -BHO

    “What they’ll say is, ‘well it costs too much money.’ But you know what? It would cost about… it it would… cost about the same as what we would spend… it o– over the course of ten years it would cost what it would cost us… it it wo– okay, all right. Okay, we’re going to. The… it would cost us about the same as it would cost… for about… hold on one second. I can’t hear myself, but I’m glad you’re fired up, though.” -BHO

    1. Utterly hilarious until you remember that these people run the country.

    2. Maybe smack would have helped. He should have at least given it a try.

  49. “You can fool some of the people all the time, and that’s good enough for government work.”

  50. “I’d rather fuck you.” Eazy-E, NWA.

  51. “There are times where you can afford to redecorate your house, and there are times where you need to focus on rebuilding the foundation.” – Barack Obama, February 2009

    Actually, I’d rather have Obama focus on redecorating his house. We seriously don’t want a lying dolt like him rebuilding the foundation of our country.

  52. “I’m gonna fuck ya til you love me, faggot!” – Mike Tyson

  53. “We need a strong president, strong enough to resist the temptation of taking power the president shouldn’t have.” — Ron Paul

    “Are you serious?” — Nancy Pelosi

    1. When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads.

      Ron Paul

      1. I prefer, “When one gets into bed with government they should expect to get fucked” but I can understand Dr. Paul toning it down.

  54. “Count your change before leaving the window.”

  55. “That’ll do, donkey. That’ll do.”

  56. Really, though, it would be hard to beat the Compleat Iron Laws:

    You get more of what you reward and less of what you punish.

    Money and power will always find each other.

    If everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

    The less you know about something, the easier it looks.

    You aren’t free unless you are free to be wrong.

    Me today, you tomorrow.

    Foreseeable consequences are not unintended.

    1. it would be hard to beat the Compleat Iron Laws:

      I agree but isn’t their another Law about misspelling?

      1. Rube.

  57. “There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the US, and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos, and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz, and swing, result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others.” – Henry J. Anslinger

  58. Semper ubi sub ubi.

  59. Fuck it. I’m gonna get me some mangoes. Jay “Chef” Hicks

    Never get out of the boat. Absolutely goddamn right. Unless you were goin’ all the way. Captain Benjamin L. Willard

    Dialectic logic is there’s only love and hate, you either love somebody or you hate them. Photojournalist

    Have you ever considered any real freedoms? Freedom from the opinions of others…even the opinions of yourself? Colonel Kurtz

    This sure enough is a bizarre sight in the middle of all this shit. Tyrone ‘Clean’ Miller

  60. “Oh that noise? It’s the sound of many of the men who went before me spinning in their graves.”

  61. Listen, strange women lying in ponds, distributing swords, is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony!

    1. Well you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!

      1. I mean, if I went ’round, sayin’ I was an emperor just because just moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d put me away!

        1. milk …out my nose.

  62. “A wise and frugal government, which shall leave men free to regulate their own pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the mouth of labor the bread it has earned – this is the sum of good government.” – Thomas Jefferson

    1. I’m bein’ repressed!

  63. “I think car crashes are neat, but you can’t tap your foot to them.” – Gene Simmons

  64. Tom Doniphon (The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance):
    “Out here a man settles his own problems.”

    John Bernard Books (The Shootist):
    “I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people and I expect the same from them.”

    Sgt. Stryker(Sands of Iwo Jima):
    “Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

  65. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”

  66. When the only tool you have is a hammer, soon all problems look like nails.

  67. “What we got here is… failure to communicate.”
    Captain

  68. “We inherited this from the previous administration…”

    -Barack Obama

    1. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

  69. “The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill

    “Behind every successful man there stands a woman. Just make sure his wife doesn’t find out.” – Thurston Howell III

    “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” – Lily Tomlin

    “A man’s castle is his pants.” – Al Bundy

    1. You think Einstein walked around thinkin’ everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?

      Yeah. Hadn’t thought of that.

      Now you know why he built that bomb.

  70. “Adding a pithy quote to this thread at this point is pointless.”

    -?

    1. Fuck you, that’s my name!

  71. “Some guys run their house. Some guys run around their house. I’m a guy who runs my house!”

    -Sam Cassell

  72. “America! Fuck Yeah!”

  73. THERRREE BAAAAAAAAACK!

  74. “Credit is a sacred trust, it’s what our free society is founded on. Do you think they give a damn about their bills in Russia?” — Bud

  75. “If you’re going to buy a sex toy, you might as well buy something freakish.” – Tim Wilson

    “If it’s not made out of meat, it shouldn’t be allowed to look like a hamburger.” – Bob Kevoian

  76. They know not how much more the half is than the whole, nor what great advantage there is in mallow and asphodel.

    Hesiod, “Works and Days”

  77. Hey, Reason, how about publishing a Portable Libertarian? Looks like there’s more than enough material.

  78. “Quotations are for assholes.” – Me

    1. Really? Because I rather like this one:

      Who do you suppose is more dangerous: an armed man with a tiny penis, or an armed man with a giant floppy horsecock?

      1. I horrified to learn that someone keeps track of what I say. You sick fuck.

  79. “When I was young, just got out of college, I had to buy auto insurance. I had a beat-up old car. And I won’t name the name of the insurance company, but there was a company ? let’s call it Acme Insurance in Illinois. And I was paying my premiums every month. After about six months I got rear-ended and I called up Acme and said, I’d like to see if I can get my car repaired, and they laughed at me over the phone because really this was set up not to actually provide insurance; what it was set up was to meet the legal requirements. But it really wasn’t serious insurance.” -BHO

    1. Devious Now then, vic. What’s the trouble?
      Vicar It’s about this letter you sent me regarding my insurance claim.
      Devious Oh, yeah, yeah – well, you see, it’s just that we’re not…as yet…totally satisfied with the grounds of your claim.
      Vicar But it says something about filling my mouth in with cement.
      Devious Oh well, that’s just insurance jargon, you know.
      Vicar But my car was hit by a lorry while standing in the garage and you refuse to pay my claim.
      Devious (rising and crossing to a filing cabinet) Oh well, reverend Morrison…in your policy…in your policy…(he open the drawer of the filing cabinet and takes out a shabby old sports jacket; he feels in the pocket and pulls out a crumbled dog-eared piece of paper then puts the coat back and shuts the filing cabinet)…here we are. It states quite clearly that no claim you make will be paid.
      Vicar Oh dear.
      Devious You see, you unfortunately plumped for our ‘Neverpay’ policy, which, you know, if you never claim is very worthwhile…but you had to claim, and, well, there it is.
      Vicar Oh dear, oh dear.

      1. Okay, Devious, don’t move!

    2. “Brevity is the soul of wit.”

      Shakespeare

      1. I don’t think anyone has credibly claimed that Obama is witty.

        1. You’ve got to have a pretty good sense of humor to base a presidential campaign on a quote from Bob the Builder…

        2. or has a soul either…

      2. “Brevity … is wit.”

        The Simpsons

  80. If you’d have told me that half of the presidents on Mt. Rushmore would be represented, I probably could have guessed which half.

    1. the upper or lower half? come on tell.

  81. “Also, it has been brought to my attention that a number of you are stroking guns.”

  82. “Gimme two weeks, I’ll have us at war with those sumbitches and make it look like they started it”

  83. Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice; moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue. — Barry Goldwater

  84. “It depends what the definition of ‘is’, is.”

    1. I did not…have sexual relations with that woman.

    2. Kiss it.

  85. “I spent my country into financial apocalypse and all I got was this lousy carpet.”

  86. “Coffee is for closers!”

  87. “Come on piggy, give me a ride…Looks like we got us a sow here, instead of a boar….I bet you can squeal. I bet you can squeal like a pig.”

    1. “Boy, yew shure do hav a purty mouth.”

  88. The White House…isn’t. Welcome to Uncle Obama’s Cabin! (Cue Sanford & Sons soundtrack.)

  89. “Don’t tread on me.”

    Tee hee.

    1. Everything with you has to be so jokey.

  90. “You’re doing it wrong”

  91. Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.
    – John Adams

    “atheism is the voice of a few intelligent people.”
    – Voltaire

  92. Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery. – Coolidge

  93. WE DO!

  94. “Don’t tread on me.”

    You bastard.

    I was just coming back to add

    WIPE YOUR FEET

  95. “Stand Here”
    “X”
    “Bend Over”

  96. “Codeine… bourbon.”-Tallulah Bankhead

  97. Not apropos for this administration, but “Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.”

    For Obama, let me suggest. . .

    Scorn and defiance; slight regard, contempt,
    And any thing that may not misbecome
    The mighty sender, doth he prize you at.
    Thus says my king; an’ if your father’s highness
    Do not, in grant of all demands at large,
    Sweeten the bitter mock you sent his majesty,
    He’ll call you to so hot an answer of it,
    That caves and womby vaultages of France
    Shall chide your trespass and return your mock
    In second accent of his ordnance.

  98. Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one. — Paine

    I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every from of tyranny over the mind of man. — Jefferson

    Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ?- O’Rourke

    1. every from of tyranny

      At least get the name right!

  99. “I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing
    about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black
    races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or
    jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry
    with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical
    difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever
    forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality.
    And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there
    must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other
    man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.
    I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is
    to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.”

  100. “Welcome Mr. Stern”

  101. “Joe was here.”

  102. “Ever notice the women at those anti-abortion rallies? You wouldn’t want to fuck any of them anyway!”
    -George Carlin

    1. I wonder of St. Peter laughed at that one.

    2. When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Smiley-smiley. Fascism. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe it my friend.

  103. “Go get the butter” – Paul

  104. “Psychedelics can carry you farther and faster than most people care to go. Once you get to psychedelics, it’s no longer a matter of seeking the answer, you have found the answer. Now the issue changes dramatically, you must face the answer.” (Terence McKenna)

    “What I believe to be true is unbelievable, so that I don’t believe in anything, you see?” (John C. Lilly)

    “After the game, the king & the pawn go into the same box.” (Proverb)

    “If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is: infinite.” (William Blake)

    “Our situation may not only be stranger than we suppose; it may be stranger than we CAN suppose.” (J.B.S. Haldane)

    1. Once you get to psychedelics, it’s no longer a matter of seeking the answer, you have found the answer.

      WTF was the question?

  105. “Who’s yo daddy?”

  106. Respica te, hominem te memento

  107. Remember, pillage then burn.

    That which does not kill me has made a grave tactical error.

    More appropos to the subject

    “It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of good deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust sweat & blood; who strives valiantly; who errs & comes short again & again; who knows the great enthusiasms; the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; & who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

    ~Teddy Roosevelt

    Bastiat
    “Socialism, like the ancient ideas from which it springs, confuses the distinction between government and society. As a result of this, every time we object to a thing being done by government, the socialists conclude that we object to its being done at all.
    We disapprove of state education. Then the socialists say that we are opposed to any education. We object to a state religion. Then the socialists say that we want no religion at all. We object to a state-enforced equality. Then they say that we are against equality. And so on, and so on. It is as if the socialists were to accuse us of not wanting persons to eat because we do not want the state to raise grain.

    Bastiat

  108. “I took a shit in the oval office once.”

    1. In socialist USA, oval office takes shit on you.

  109. “My prediction? Pain.”

    Clubber Lang

    1. Marion Cobretti(Cobra): You’ re the disease, and I’m the cure

  110. He said “The president is a nea’r.”

    1. You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons

  111. “…And the trees are all kept equal by hatchet, axe, and saw” – Neil Peart

    “People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Unless, of course, they enjoy many broken windows.” – Mitch Hedberg

    1. Never quote from “The Trees”, the absolute cheesiest lyrics from the Rush coffers (which are filled with cheesy lyrics).

  112. “Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.” – Roody

  113. “The urge to distribute wealth equally, and still more the belief that it can be brought about by political action, is the most dangerous of all popular emotions. It is the legitimation of envy, of all the deadly sins the one which a stable society based on consensus should fear the most. The monster state is a source of many evils; but it is, above all, an engine of envy.”

    “The cruelty of ideas lies in the assumption that human beings can be bent to fit them.”

    “The events of this century should remind us that the hopes of mankind almost always prove illusory, and that we have only a limited ability to devise permanent and equitable solutions to problems which spring from human nature. Violence, shortage amid plenty, tyranny and the cruelty it breeds, the gross stupidities of the powerful, the indifference of the well-to-do, the divisions of the intelligent and well-meaning, the apathy of the wretched multitude – these things will be with us to the end of the race.”

    “Throughout history, the attachment of even the humblest people to their freedom, above all their freedom to earn their livings how and where they please, has come as an unpleasant shock to condescending ideologues. We need not suppose that the exercise of freedom is bought at the expense of any deserving class or interest ? only of those with the itch to tyrannize.”

    “History shows us the truly amazing extent to which intelligent, well-informed and resolute men, in the pursuit of economy or in an altruistic passion for disarmament, will delude themselves about realities.”

    All by Paul Johnson. I don’t think there is anyone in the world more in desperate need of the wisdom of Paul Johnson more the Barrack Obama.

  114. A new rug with the following quotes on it…

    And here I thought the whitest home decor ever was Thomas Kinkade.

  115. fan: “you suck”
    vacuum: “blow me”

  116. A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one.

    1. I think Ben had it wrong. A learned blockhead is more DANGEROUS than an ignorant one.

      1. He that lives upon hope will die fasting.

  117. “You’re not in this for the sport, are you?” – Grizzly Bear to the Hunter

  118. “Why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?”

  119. The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants.

    1. Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.

      1. “History shows us the truly amazing extent to which intelligent, well-informed and resolute men, in the pursuit of economy or in an altruistic passion for disarmament, will delude themselves about realities.”

      2. You know what they say about the Road to Hell.

        1. no, what do they say about the rod to hell? And who are they?

  120. Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

  121. It will be of little avail to the people, that the laws are made by men of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood.

    1. There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is generally adopted.

      1. See warming, global Mr. Shopenhauer.

    2. “People dealing behind closed doors is characteristic of a racket?not a market.”

  122. You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.

  123. Most people who read “The Communist Manifesto” probably have no idea that it was written by a couple of young men who had never worked a day in their lives, and who nevertheless spoke boldly in the name of “the workers”.

    1. “Karl Marx (1818-1884) was another example of a man who became convinced that it was his duty to put ideas before people. “Hence his relentless and often unthinking cruelty to those around him became a kind of distant adumbration of the mass cruelty his ideas would promote when they finally became the blueprint of Soviet state policy.

      Marx’s whole life was an exercise in emotional or financial exploitation ? of his wife, of his daughters, of his friends. Studying Marx’s life leads one to think that the roots of human unhappiness, and especially the misery caused by exploitation, do not lie in the exploitation by categories or classes ? but in one-to-one exploitation by selfish individuals.

      1. There are two places where Socialism will work: In Heaven where it is not needed and in Hell where they already have it.

        1. If you destroy a free market, you create a black market.

  124. “The powers delegated by the proposed Constitution to the federal government are few and defined.” – James Madison

    “This government is acknowledged by all, to be one of enumerated powers.” – Chief Justice Marshall (McCulloch v. Maryland)

    “I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents.” – James Madison

    “I cannot find any authority in the Constitution for public charity.” – President Franklin Pierce

    “We have the right as individuals, to give away as much of our own money as we please in charity; but as members of Congress we have no right to appropriate a dollar of the public money.” – Rep. David Crockett

    1. The entire Constitution has been reduced to eight words.

      “general welfare … regulate interstate commerce … necessary and proper”

      That’s it. The whole thing. Eight words.

      1. In a lot of ways yes. But those eight words don’t cover the bill of rights. Maybe you could add “others (rights) retained by the people”.

        1. “But, the Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth, and of more basic issues such as political and economic justice in society. To that extent, as radical as I think people try to characterize the Warren Court, it wasn’t that radical. It didn’t break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the Founding Fathers in the Constitution, at least as it’s been interpreted, and the Warren Court interpreted in the same way, that generally the Constitution is a charter of negative liberties. Says what the states can’t do to you. Says what the federal government can’t do to you, but doesn’t say what the federal government or state government must do on your behalf.”
          BHO

          1. As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.

          2. “I consider the foundation of the Constitution as laid on this ground that ‘all powers not delegated to the United States, by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states or to the people.’ To take a single step beyond the boundaries thus specially drawn around the powers of Congress, is to take possession of a boundless field of power not longer susceptible of any definition.”

            1. “I think there are very few constitutional limits that would prevent the federal government from rules that could affect your private life… The federal government, yes, can do most anything in this country.”
              -California Rep. Pete Stark

              1. Socialist justice!

  125. The thug is aware that loudness convinces sixty persons where reasoning convinces but one.

  126. The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

  127. The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race is to stop discriminating on the basis of race.

  128. “We are all socialists now.”

    “Hopin’ for Change”

  129. I am for free commerce with all nations; political connection with none; and little or no diplomatic establishment.

  130. There is no difference between communism and socialism, except in the means of achieving the same ultimate end: communism proposes to enslave men by force, socialism?by vote. It is merely the difference between murder and suicide.

  131. “How’s that hopey-changey thing working out for ya?”

    1. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.

  132. “Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.” — Calvin Coolidge.

    “Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.” — Calvin Coolidge.

    1. We contend that for a nation to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

  133. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT-

    Sen. Clay Davis.

    1. I?ll take any fool?s money, he be given it away.

  134. It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts. They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.

    1. Maybe we should forward this thread to the President.

  135. “Fuck you, you amoral atheists!”

    -John

    1. I love how you people project. I never say anything of the sort. And you know it. But in your mind I must. You people really can’t take someone who doesn’t fit your stereotypes can you?

  136. “Sure. I’ll be happy to sign that.” -John Lennon

    “Nice night for a stroll, huh?” -Ghandi

    “It’s getting drafty in here. Did someone open the door?” -Abraham Lincoln

    “Hey dad. What you got behind your back there?” -Marvin Gaye

    “No thanks. I’m full.” -Karen Carpenter

    1. Awesome.

      1. “I think we take a left at the next town.” -Franz Ferdinand

        “I think we take a left at the next intersection.” -John F. Kennedy

        “I think we take a left right here.” -Mary Jo Kopechne

        “Left. LEFT!!! LEEEEEFFFFFTTTTT” -James Dean

        “Lookout!” -T.E. Lawrence

        1. “I think I was supposed to turn left back th-” -Nodar Kumaritashvili

  137. “I don’t want any Commies in my car. No Christians either!”

  138. “Look daddy. I can see the cars.” -Conor Clapton

    “Now, you do remember the safety word, right?” -Bob Crane

    “Sure you can use the phone. It’s a local call, right?” -Sharon Tate

    “Could you speed up a bit. We’re late for the party.” -Princess Di

    “Condom?? Bitch I don’t need no condom.” -Eazy-E

    1. “They can’t hit an elephant at this dist-“—General John Sedgwick

  139. Elections belong to the people. It is their decision. If they decide to turn their back on the fire and burn their behinds they will just have to sit on their blisters.

    1. I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.

  140. Bush Lied! Bring the Troops Home Now! Healthcare not warfare! Whoops…

    “In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including Al Qaeda members, though there is apparently no evidence of his involvement in the terrible events of September 11, 2001. It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons. Should he succeed in that endeavor, he could alter the political and security landscape of the Middle East, which as we know all too well affects American security.” — Hillary Clinton, October 10, 2002

    “I am absolutely convinced that there are weapons…I saw evidence back in 1998 when we would see the inspectors being barred from gaining entry into a warehouse for three hours with trucks rolling up and then moving those trucks out.” — Clinton’s Secretary of Defense William Cohen in April of 2003

    “Iraq is not the only nation in the world to possess weapons of mass destruction, but it is the only nation with a leader who has used them against his own people.” — Tom Daschle in 1998

    “Saddam Hussein’s regime represents a grave threat to America and our allies, including our vital ally, Israel. For more than two decades, Saddam Hussein has sought weapons of mass destruction through every available means. We know that he has chemical and biological weapons. He has already used them against his neighbors and his own people, and is trying to build more. We know that he is doing everything he can to build nuclear weapons, and we know that each day he gets closer to achieving that goal.” — John Edwards, Oct 10, 2002

    “I share the administration’s goals in dealing with Iraq and its weapons of mass destruction.” — Dick Gephardt in September of 2002

    “Iraq does pose a serious threat to the stability of the Persian Gulf and we should organize an international coalition to eliminate his access to weapons of mass destruction. Iraq’s search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to completely deter and we should assume that it will continue for as long as Saddam is in power.” — Al Gore, 2002

    “We are in possession of what I think to be compelling evidence that Saddam Hussein has, and has had for a number of years, a developing capacity for the production and storage of weapons of mass destruction.” — Bob Graham, December 2002

    “We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction.” — Ted Kennedy, September 27, 2002

    “I will be voting to give the president of the United States the authority to use force – if necessary – to disarm Saddam Hussein because I believe that a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hands is a real and grave threat to our security.” — John F. Kerry, Oct 2002

    “We begin with the common belief that Saddam Hussein is a tyrant and a threat to the peace and stability of the region. He has ignored the mandates of the United Nations and is building weapons of mass destruction and the means of delivering them.” — Carl Levin, Sept 19, 2002

    “Over the years, Iraq has worked to develop nuclear, chemical and biological weapons. During 1991 – 1994, despite Iraq’s denials, U.N. inspectors discovered and dismantled a large network of nuclear facilities that Iraq was using to develop nuclear weapons. Various reports indicate that Iraq is still actively pursuing nuclear weapons capability. There is no reason to think otherwise. Beyond nuclear weapons, Iraq has actively pursued biological and chemical weapons.U.N. inspectors have said that Iraq’s claims about biological weapons is neither credible nor verifiable. In 1986, Iraq used chemical weapons against Iran, and later, against its own Kurdish population. While weapons inspections have been successful in the past, there have been no inspections since the end of 1998. There can be no doubt that Iraq has continued to pursue its goal of obtaining weapons of mass destruction.” — Patty Murray, October 9, 2002

    “As a member of the House Intelligence Committee, I am keenly aware that the proliferation of chemical and biological weapons is an issue of grave importance to all nations. Saddam Hussein has been engaged in the development of weapons of mass destruction technology which is a threat to countries in the region and he has made a mockery of the weapons inspection process.” — Nancy Pelosi, December 16, 1998

    “Even today, Iraq is not nearly disarmed. Based on highly credible intelligence, UNSCOM [the U.N. weapons inspectors] suspects that Iraq still has biological agents like anthrax, botulinum toxin, and clostridium perfringens in sufficient quantity to fill several dozen bombs and ballistic missile warheads, as well as the means to continue manufacturing these deadly agents. Iraq probably retains several tons of the highly toxic VX substance, as well as sarin nerve gas and mustard gas. This agent is stored in artillery shells, bombs, and ballistic missile warheads. And Iraq retains significant dual-use industrial infrastructure that can be used to rapidly reconstitute large-scale chemical weapons production.” — Ex-Un Weapons Inspector Scott Ritter in 1998

    “There is unmistakable evidence that Saddam Hussein is working aggressively to develop nuclear weapons and will likely have nuclear weapons within the next five years. And that may happen sooner if he can obtain access to enriched uranium from foreign sources — something that is not that difficult in the current world. We also should remember we have always underestimated the progress Saddam has made in development of weapons of mass destruction.” — John Rockefeller, Oct 10, 2002

    “Saddam’s existing biological and chemical weapons capabilities pose a very real threat to America, now. Saddam has used chemical weapons before, both against Iraq’s enemies and against his own people. He is working to develop delivery systems like missiles and unmanned aerial vehicles that could bring these deadly weapons against U.S. forces and U.S. facilities in the Middle East.” — John Rockefeller, Oct 10, 2002

    “Whether one agrees or disagrees with the Administration’s policy towards Iraq, I don’t think there can be any question about Saddam’s conduct. He has systematically violated, over the course of the past 11 years, every significant UN resolution that has demanded that he disarm and destroy his chemical and biological weapons, and any nuclear capacity. This he has refused to do. He lies and cheats; he snubs the mandate and authority of international weapons inspectors; and he games the system to keep buying time against enforcement of the just and legitimate demands of the United Nations, the Security Council, the United States and our allies. Those are simply the facts.” — Henry Waxman, Oct 10, 2002

    1. I also gave a scathing speech to Bush the elder right after the first Gulf War for not removing Saddam.

    2. In all the years that Iraq has supposedly had these “weapons of mass destruction,” they have never been used on us.

      It is not the U.S.’ job to stop sovereign nations from building and using weapons of mass destruction, unless they’re using them on the U.S. These colors don’t run…the world!

      1. To almost any moral && decent human being the oil for food scandal was reason enough to take out Saddam. Let alone the long list of reasons it was a no-brainer to take out Saddam and who better to execute a no-brainer decision than Dubya?

        And those corrupt pieces of shit in the UN had the nerve to blame the US for the sick and starving Iraqi children. Sick bastards!

  141. “Once the toothpaste is out of the tube; it’s hard to get it back in.”—H.R. Haldemann

    “If you were to try to assassinate a king, sir, the… how shall I say it? The aura of royalty would cause you to miss. But, the president… I mean, why not shoot the president?”—English Bob, Unforgiven

  142. Keep your hands off of my stack, jack!

  143. “There is no limit to what you can accomplish if you don’t care who gets the credit.”

    1. There is no limit to what you can accomplish if you have vision, determination and an unending suppluy of disposable labor

  144. “Sit there and don’t do anything stupid.”

  145. Mr. Scott: Say, “Nigger, fuck me.”

    Alex: No time for the ol’ in-out, love. I’ve just come to read the meter!

  146. I’ll tax you my pretties -AND YOUR LITTLE 401Ks TOO!

  147. Two days ago I saw a vehicle that’d haul that tanker. You want to get out of here? You talk to me.

  148. Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  149. In every single case before the rise of totalitarian governments there had been a period dominated by economic planners. Each of these nations had an era under starry-eyed men who believed that they could plan and force the economic life of the people. They believed that was the way to correct abuse or to meet emergencies in systems of free enterprise. They exalted the state as the solver of all economic problems.

    These men thought they were liberals. But they also thought they could have economic dictatorship by bureaucracy and at the same time preserve free speech, orderly justice, and free government.

    These men are not Communists or Fascists. But they mixed these ideas into free systems. It is true that Communists and Fascists were round about. They formed popular fronts and gave the applause. These men shifted the relation of government to free enterprise from that of umpire to controller.

    http://tinyurl.com/2a8o8hh

  150. The doctrine of regulation and legislation by “master minds,” in whose judgment and will all the people may gladly and quietly acquiesce, has been too glaringly apparent at Washington during these last ten years. Were it possible to find “master minds” so unselfish, so willing to decide unhesitatingly against their own personal interests or private prejudices, men almost god-like in their ability to hold the scales of Justice with an even hand, such a government might be to the interest of the country, but there are none such on our political horizon, and we cannot expect a complete reversal of all the teachings of history.

    Now, to bring about government by oligarchy masquerading as democracy, it is fundamentally essential that practically all authority and control be centralized in our National Government. The individual sovereignty of our States must first be destroyed, except in mere minor matters of legislation. We are safe from the danger of any such departure from the principles on which this country was founded just so long as the individual home rule of the States is scrupulously preserved and fought for whenever it seems in danger.

  151. The individual sovereignty of our States must first be destroyed, except in mere minor matters of legislation. We are safe from rome dvdthe danger of any such departure from the principles on which this country was founded just so long as the individual home rule of the States isdrop dead diva dvd scrupulously preserved and fought for whenever it seems in danger.

  152. Throughout the years, the people have been modeling and looking to Inspirational Leaders as a source of inspiration for achieving goals for themselves. Inspirational quotes from great leaders have since become daily brain food for people wanting to create better lives for themselves.

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