Suggestions for the American Version Are Welcome

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The Economist remaps Europe:

[Hat tip: Carlo Stagnaro.]

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  1. Oh, darn. I thought they were sending England over this way at first. How awesome would it be to have Premier League games in my backyard.

    1. Not to mention the awesome cuisine.

      1. and the health care!

        1. Does that include dental?

          1. No, the NHS does not generally cover dental

            1. Actually, the NHS does cover dental.

              Canada’s Medicare, on the other hand, does not although some of the provinces might have separate programs that do. In Toronto the school board provided basic dentistry to all children in the system. I don’t know if they still do. My impression is that parents who could afford it took their kids to private dentists.

              1. Oops, my bad, that link is to a private outfit that uses the name “NHS Dentistry”.

                However I know people who have gotten dental work done though the NHS. People are generally nor happy with it and American and Canadian dentists I have spoken to have been unanimous in their criticisms of British dentistry.

                1. Also, I can’t type. And in addition to the typos, I have committed the additional offense of being much to serious on this thread.

                  1. There are a lot of private dentists who take full rate private patients and reduced rate NHS patients.

                    I have access to a good private dentist through my institute and pay the reduced rate.

                    1. I once traded physical labor for dental work.

                      True story.

                    2. Na. No sucking was involved.

                      Pervert!

                    3. But you did say you traded “physical labor” for “dental work” 😉

  2. Split California off, attach Washington, and turn the resulting land mass into a crescent-shaped island to increase its coast line, and allow Nevada and Arizona a spot on the new coast.

    Split the central section of Pennsylvania and much of central New York out, combine, and place near Wyoming.

    1. Split California off, attach Washington

      What?

      Where is Oregon?

      1. Good question.

        Has anyone seen Oregon lately?

    2. allow Nevada and Arizona a spot on the new coast.

      They would quickly be overrun by liberals seeking coastline views, and quit having fairly sensible politics (ignoring immigration).

      Now, if you were to SINK California, OK, but let me sell off my house there first.

    3. and turn the resulting land mass into a crescent-shaped island to increase its coast line,

      So there would be a sea between California and the Nevada Arizona coast?

      What would we call the new sea?

      1. The ForNadA Sea?

    4. See you down in Arizona Bay?

      1. Any fucking time, any fucking day

    1. And Latveria.

      1. and Grand Fenwick

        1. Just visible to the south-east should be Trashcanistan

        2. It’s only 3 miles by 5, so it doesn’t show at that scale.

          But their army is second to none.

    2. Vhere ist ?nderland!

      1. It actually borders Michigan.

  3. Cut California in half lengthwise, give the Yoopers to Wisconsin, move all of our Pacific island possessions to the vicinity of, and merge them with, Hawaii.

    Wyoming is too unpopulated to be a state, cut it up and divvy the remains among its neighbors.

    Finall, just for shits and giggles, relocate Massachusetts to the gulf coast and merge it with Alabama. Massabama or Alachusetts bith roll off the tongue easy enough.

    1. relocate Massachusetts to the gulf coast

      Makes sense, because as someone pointed out to me recently, Louisiana and Boston accents have some similarities.

    2. If you take Michigan’s Yoopers, the rest of Michigan will immedidately invade Indiana and Ohio in order to retake South Bend and Toledo! It will be the Michigan-Ohio Border War all over again. Don’t you know that last time, someone got shot and the sherrif’s dog was killed? This is serious business, my friend!

      And how could Notre Dame *possibly* stay independant if it had such kick-ass in-state rivals?

      1. Purdue would like a word with you.

        1. Purdue? lol

          ’nuff said

  4. And Latveria.

    1. Ignore the above comment. Goddam threaded comments.

      1. Von Doom will forgive you J…

      2. I can’t. Is just hanging there like an extra genital.

  5. Where does Libertopia fit in the puzzle?

    1. Appearantly that is only in our heads.

    2. It is a county in Freedonia.

    1. Oregon and Washington would have to be split along the cascade mountains. East side would go to Jesusland and the west joining Marxistland.

  6. Move DC to Salina, KS. That way all the people who speak for the regular Americans can meet them for once. This will also give VA, MD and DE a break from government busybodies making local laws.

    Swap NM and AZ with ND and SD. Get Joe Arapaio off the border and I bet those states will change their stances on immigration. Plus it will help the Dakotas hire ranch and farm hands when they need them.

    1. When did NM start doing anything about immigration?

  7. Carve out all urban centers, attach them together and set that down on the Mid Atlantic coast, leaving rural America to itself, until both sets finally appreciate each other.

    (Unfortunately, DC gets pancaked by the new central urban collective and will no longer be with us.)

  8. I think Northern California should move somewhere closer to New York and Massachusetts, and after Lyndon Johnson and Dubya Bush, I think Texas should move closer to whatever nationality or creed it intends to declare war on next.

    1. To be specific, I think Texas should just move farther away than the rest of us…

      Seriously, there’s no more slavery anymore, and I don’t think this country can take another Texan president like Bush or Johnson…

      The next time Texas wants to leave the Union? Just Freakin’ Let ’em!

      1. we appreciate your support in our cause.We,of course,will be taking Dr. Ron Paul and Willie Nelson with us. But dont worry, we will let you have Rick Perry, Shiela Jackson Lee, and Paul Begala, ya know….as a consolation gift.

        1. ……….oh,since we are bargaining here…..hows bout we trade you the REDNECK SAN FRANCISCO(aka Austin)…..and we will take Wyoming….and ya’ll can even keep yellowstone park…..no oil there anyway.

          1. Absolutely. BUT, no deal unless somebody takes Austin!

            1. We do not wish to be taken, thank you very much.

  9. Separate all the rainy, liberal coastal parts of California, Oregon, and Washington, from the dry parts east of the Cascades and in CA’s Central Valley and merge these drier, more conservative eastern parts with Idaho, Nevada, and Arizona.

    Shorter version — separate the parasites from their hosts.

    1. I think there might be an interesting argument there about who the parasites are and who are the hosts.

  10. Give DC to France. They deserve each other.

    1. Even France does not deserve that.

  11. Move DC to the North slope of Alaska. They seem to love it so much anyway.

    Take WA, OR and CA and move them north to the west coast of Alaska. If you rotate it right, Berkeley could border Siberia.

    Take New England and Quebec, rotate them about 50 degrees CC and close up Hudson Bay.

    Then we can sink the state of MI and have one Great Lake instead of 5.

  12. America should move down to the southern Atlantic and form a new country joining Brazil, Argentina, and South Africa.

    Africa and South America have too much in common not to have a land bridge between them.
    Plus, America current fiscal policies would fit right in with the Latin American mainstream, particularly Argentina. Obama could take his kids on tripsa to the Peron museum, and Nelson Mandela and him could have eachother over for tea and swap cracks about the Nobel Peace prize.

  13. Move Alaska to connect with the coast of Maine, Hawaii and island territories off the coast of southern California. Switch Arizona with Sonora so that Joe Arpaio can *really* freak out about all of the Hispanic-looking fellows walking about in his neck of the desert; also, move around the square-ish states arbitrarily just for fun. Make sure to switch ND and SD without renaming them…and float Florida out into the Caribbean.

    Or simply do what the Wikipedia map of the US states suggests and stick Alaska in place of Baja California, with Hawaii and a patch of ocean in the Mexico City area.

  14. Can we just get rid of the left and right coast. Or at least put them together on a rocket ship to mars?

    1. Funny, I was just thinking that’s what we should do to the “flyovers”.

      1. Either way the middle wins. Who moves really isn’t relative.

        I’m thinking just start at Nevada, Idaho, Arizona and stop around and stop just before New England. Like right bast Virginia, West, Virginia and Ohio. While we’re at it lets just annex Mexico for labor and Canada to get some liberals that aren’t quite as flaming bat shit insane as the ones we got rid of. While we’re at it lets carve Illinois out and drop in the middle of Siberia.

        Think of the economic growth with new beach front in states that aren’t communist regimes!

    2. “Or at least put them together on a rocket ship to mars?”

      I’ve been a little pessimistic lately, thinkin’ that maybe the next real chance at Libertopia might be on some other earthlike planet somewhere out there…

      But even if some transhumanist unfroze my head in the year 2500 to go start a colony in solar system far, far away, I’d have to think about it…

      I could see that easily turning into Lord of the Flies real quick. I’d want to see how the Free State Project worked out first. …and who knows, by the year 2500, maybe they’ll have gotten something off the ground up there!

  15. I say just merge all the fly-over states into Texas, reducing the number of Senate seats they get by a large amount, and handing a permanent fillibuster-proof majority to the Dems.

    1. …and…and then give Texas its independence, thus making us a very wealthy and productive, world leading nation ,and the coasts, well…with your high taxes,high unemployment,cradle to grave nanny-ism…..you would become…ummm….france!!!lmaf!!!!!

      1. Ever been to France? It’s nice. Nicer than Shithole, Mississippi that’s for sure.

        1. France isn’t located in a swamp.

          1. That’s a definite plus.

          2. Thank you Jarod Diamond. How do arbitrary geographical inequities factor into the rational free market? All the square-jawed entrepreneurs in the red states would have paradises better than socialist countries like France if only they didn’t live in a swamp? Waah.

            1. According to hyou, the true meaning of “equal justice” requires us to institute weather control to correct for the arbitrary inequities in climate.

        2. I know I suck, but Bay St. Louis is beautiful this time of year. More so than the shithole slums of Paris. But you would know that as you’ve obviously spent a substantial in both…riiiiight?

        3. Ever been to France? It’s nice.

          Obviously you have never visited the suburbs of Paris.

          Speaking of which shouldn’t they be having their annual summer riot this time of year?

          1. On a des probl?mes dans les suburbs parce qu’on accueille les r?fugi?s du monde entier. Ne vous plaignez pas car il se pourrait bien que vous demandiez l’asile en France, le jour o? votre ?conomie, uniquement fond?e sur l’emprunt et la fuite en avant, collapsera…
            D’ailleurs posez-vous la question suivante : pourquoi The Economist n’a pas touch? la localisation g?ographique de la France?

    2. Sounds like a plan. As mentioned Texas could easily secede or stage a coup. After all all the guns will be in New Texas.

  16. Pick up Long Island and use it as Green Bay’s dildo.

    1. then what would san fran bay use??

      1. Florida.

        1. C’moooon, give ’em da Yoopers…take one for the team…close your eyes & think of old Manifest Destiny…

  17. I’m working on a project where a deadly bacteria wipes out everyone below 1200 feet above sea level [its isotonic limit kills it above that altitude], turning the US essentially into a series of habitable “islands” surrounded by uninhabitable “seas”.

    It’s a much better country that way, actually, despite the lack of lobster. You could call it Waltonia:

    http://www.united-states-map.com/us402112.htm

    It would be the tan and brown parts.

    The only problem is the threat from the deadly Swiss-Italian hegemony…

    1. Lower the limit to 900 ft and you bring Atlanta back into play.

      Whether you would want to do that or not is another question.

  18. Reshuffling national borders is a statist’s game.

  19. what the frick was the point of this

    damn limeys

  20. Lot a homeless in San Diego. Put the Oklahoma Panhandle there for all those panhandlers. Create a new four corners by putting 4 states on the y-axis. Put Alaska in the tropics and claim consensus Global Warming has now been proven. Place Texas inside of Delaware.

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