The Gay Dad Career Track?


Pro Gay Dads

A new study by researchers at the Rockway Institute finds that gay fathers often opt for what in a heterosexual context would be called the "mommy track" once they have kids. The press release for the study reports:

The first study ever to examine the experiences of gay male partners who became fathers via surrogacy shows that they are more likely than heterosexual fathers to scale back their careers in order to care for their children. Also, these fathers report that their self-esteem and their closeness with their extended families increases after becoming parents.

In most respects, life changes resulting from parenthood were very much like those experienced by heterosexual couples – closer relations with co-workers, a transition away from single friends toward other couples (straight and gay) with children, and less time for sleep, exercise, and hobbies….

"It is noteworthy," the researchers wrote, "that many of these gay fathers negotiated their career prospects downward and focused on their parenting responsibilities as being primary, at least for the time being while their children were so young… This is in sharp contrast to heterosexual fathers, who often augment their work hours and career commitments after having children."…

The new fathers encountered many changes in relations with family, friends and co-workers. The couples had been together an average of 12 years, and none had dissolved their relationship after becoming parents. They acknowledged a decrease in romance and personal intimacy with their partners, though they said their relationships remained romantic. Most fathers reported that relationships with their families of origin had become closer and that having a baby increased recognition of the couple as a family. Relations with co-workers often improved because of the shared parenting experience. The new dads reported changes to their social life, with fewer late-night and weekday engagements and a gradual trend toward socializing with other couples who have children, rather than single friends.

Damn. It was hard enough prying my heterosexual friends who became parents out of their suburban lairs!

Whole press release here.

Via Newswise.

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  1. Maybe that’s why conservatives oppose gay marriage and adoption, they miss their old gay drinking buddies.

  2. So homos who have children act like breeders? I bet they think their kid is the most adorable baby in the whole world too. I DON’T WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF YOUR KID.

    1. I once made the mistake of being honest with a good friend when she asked me to comment on her newborn’s looks.

      “I’ve seen uglier,” is apparently not what a mother wants to hear.

      1. And then you went on a lobster poaching spree.

        1. Breathtaking!

          1. [giggles at the shrinkage]

      2. Honesty is not the best policy when it comes to breeders. They all lose their god damned minds.

        1. …you’re one of those freetards, aren’t you? Man. Please say it ain’t so, I actually really did respect you.

          1. ETA: Or, I just have utterly missed the sarcasm. Which is possible. I’ve been out of politics for weeks.

            Silly vacation things, they make everything harder to come back to.

          2. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

      3. “It looks like a chimp covered in Crisco” is also not a big winner.

        1. Hey, that’s a winner in my book. Also, “it looks like Mickey Rooney after a bender with Judy Garland’s corpse”.

        2. I’ve used Robin Williams’ line about “a little old man dipped in 40 weight” to good effect.

          1. All newborn babies look like me.

        3. I’ll have to keep that one in mind the next time the subject comes up.

      4. “Did you figure out who the father is?”

    2. Gay men become even more like women when they “have” children? I almost fell off my chair.

    3. Are you sure? She’s just adorable.

  3. Wow, thats some pretty crazy stuff dude.


    1. Cut me off a piece of that!

      1. Oi! You! Get back to the studio!

  4. Huh, so raising a child sucks as much for one team as the other.

    We twenty two and twenty five,
    who seemed to live forever,
    observe enduring life in you
    and start to die together.

  5. Christ, now I’ll have to pay strippers with twice the daddy issues as before.

    1. Wouldn’t that reduce the price? (SUPPLY KURV!)

  6. I know a pair of gay men raising three children. Hans and his partner met in Seattle. They moved to the Twin Cities to take better jobs (Hans as an executive at a multi-national).

    Hans’s partner had three kids via a wife many years earlier. The wife and her white-trash boy friend (both heavy meth users) lived with the three kids in an Iowa trailer park. That is, until the state of Iowa removed the kids from the trailer and put them into foster care.

    Hans and his partner learned of this and even though when the two of them paired-up they were clear about not wanting kids, they did the right thing and petitioned the State of Iowa for custody. They are now deeply dedicated parents and one of the first things the kids were grateful for was a sense of order and discipline.

    Neither scaled back their careers; they simply hired a live-in nanny*.

    * who is permitted to wear nothing but a pair of black leather chaps.

    1. Jesus Christ!

      1. ? Lemmiwink’s journey is distant, far and fast! To find his way out of a gay man’s ass! The road ahead is filled with danger and fright! But push onward Lemmiwinks with all of your might! ?

        1. I was in tears when I watched that episode. Soooo funny.

    2. This is why “Gobbler” is on my ALWAYS READ list.

    3. I didn’t know you were a live-in nanny.

  7. “Assless chaps,” Gobbler, just like it says in the H&R style guide.

    1. The story is true, the chaps, a silly little joke.

      1. Speaking of true, wasn’t “Hans” from diehard based upon your friend Hans?

      2. I got that, Gobbler, despite what Sullum says about my lack of humor. Used to be that every mention of anything gay here would lead to a comment featuring the phrase “assless chaps” which is pretty redundant.

        1. You humorless pedant. You need a visit to Straight Camp to lighten you up.

          1. Right now you’re like a paper clip. And just like a paper clip, God needs to bend you and shape you, and make you straight.

        2. Bite me, Epi. Also – been there, done that.

          1. Really? That must have sucked. Was Butters there?

  8. Hook me up with a high earning woman, and I’ll become a stay-at-home dad so fast it’ll make your head spin.

    1. No shit. If my wife made enough money, I’ll gladly stay home.

      1. My wife makes more than enough to support two people, and we tried this just for shits and giggles about five years ago (the idea was that I would take a sabbatical from my job as an advanced practice nurse). I lasted about thirty days before I felt completely, utterly batshit insane. Men are made to work. Good men, anyway.

        I’d do all the cleaning and laundry that was available, make my wife breakfast, cook her a lunch, and send her on her way. Then I’d do whatever housework their was, and after that I’d start looking for stuff to improve. My wife told me to go back to work when I started talking about knocking out walls and putting in new cabinetry. Shit sucked, yo (but I did manage to install a tankless water heater!).

        1. Men are made to work. Good men, anyway.

          Or men without an imagination. I’m not sure I could get all the shit I want to do in life done if I never had to go into the office and sit in two hour business meetings where someone inevitably suggests some sort of fucking team building exercise.

          Real men… Good men (as you say) don’t sit in two hour business meetings- and they never ever suggest them.

          If I owned my own company, the first person to suggest a regularly occurring business meeting would be fired.

          A friend of mine had an even better idea: If you own your own business, call a two hour business meeting, and fire everyone who shows up, and promote everyone who stayed at their desk…working.

          1. Yeah, meetings suck, as do team building exercises. That’s why I’m in an independent profession. There’s some of that typical corporate, white-collar BS, but not much.

            1. If there’s anything worse than a business meeting, it’s a business meeting that the regional vice president opens with a prayer.

              Yep, I have a regional vice president that’s that big an asshole.

    2. I’m doing this right now. It’s not so great.

      1. Maybe it was you on CSI . . .

    3. Weren’t you in a CSI episode and you killed your submissive? Be careful with the liquid latex!

    4. This. Staying at home is my life’s mission.

    5. I’m sort of in the same place as P.J. O’Rourke is about work.

      It’s overrated. Why do you think we need a Vodka Gimlet when we get home from the office… from all that prestige?

  9. The first study ever to examine the experiences of gay male partners who became fathers via surrogacy…

    “They” don’t become fathers. (I’m assuming “surrogacy” is a euphemism for one of them knocking up some chick.)

    1. Just like how an adoptive hetero couple never becomes a mother and father. Just a couple of people with a kid they feed and clothe.

      1. Homos aren’t people like “Correction”, NutraSweet, much like women, short folks, and the Irish. Don’t you understand that? That’s why they can’t be fathers.

        1. What about a short, gay, Irish woman? Can she be a father?

          1. Ask your dad and let us know.

            1. He doesn’t know who his father is, Rhayader. But way to go and remind him of that, you cruel asshole.

              You OK, NutraSweet? It’s OK, buddy. Not everyone knows who their dad is–just most people. You want to get a Happy Meal? Will that cheer you up?

              1. I want a juice box. And maybe a nap.

              2. My bad. Although I think his father was probably a short, gay, Irish woman. All the pieces just fit too well together at this point.

                1. My mother was a jackal.

                  1. That does explain a lot.

                  2. This is true. She turned me into a neut, but I got better.

      2. Adoption, gay or otherwise, needs to be outlawed before it produces another Dave Thomas.

      3. The article didn’t mention adoption.

        1. So unless the government says you’re a father, you aren’t one? No matter how much you act like one or the child thinks of you as such?

          1. Unless you are like, the father, yea.

            1. OK, you’re just being a dumbass. Never mind.

              1. ???

        2. Quiet. You had your chance, and you fucked it up.

    2. So if “knocking up some chick” isn’t the base definition of fatherhood, what is? Oh, maybe the commitment to raise the child…

      Surrogacy is the deliberate hiring of a woman (surrogate mother, aka rent-a-womb) to bear a child for a couple incapable of doing so themselves. The surrogate mother is generally not the biological mother of the child. The gay couple I know who became parents this way hired a surrogate, who was implanted with an in-vitro fertilized embryo which was from the sperm of one of the dad’s and the egg from the sister of the other dad.

      1. So the couple became a father and an uncle.

        1. That’s sounds very…not right for some reason. A high tech Appalachian tale almost. Thanks Occam!

  10. But teh buttsecks! And God, and the Bible! And Jesus said so and stuff! AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH

    /kills self

    1. Why’d you kill yourself? Damn! I was just getting ready to fuck you.

  11. The first study ever to examine the experiences of gay male partners who became fathers via surrogacy shows that they are more likely than heterosexual fathers to scale back their careers in order to care for their children.

    Both of the partners, or just one?

    1. That is a good question. How did they figure? Did they include all homosexual fathers when they figured they were more likely to scale back their careers or just half of them?

  12. By the way… what a radical study! People who spend a lot of time and money and effort to have a child work less so they can spend time with it?!?

  13. “Assless chaps,” Gobbler,

    “Assless chaps” is redundant, like “ATM machine.”

    1. I always used it to mean “wearing chaps and nothing else.”

      “Assless chaps” just sounds funnier. Kind of like “Epi vomited a gallon of mule semen.” I doubt Epi’s ever even seen a mule. Who knows what sort of semen he actually vomited. That’s not the point.

      1. “The only thing bull semen has ever done for me is activate my gag reflex.”

      2. Oh it’s mule semen alright. The question is where’s the website he orders it from?

        1. He gets it from Farmville.

    2. That’s why I prefer the term “assless pants”. I like to mock my Harley friends by referring to their chaps that way. Example: Nice assless pants you got there, Hal. Did you get a price break because they forgot parts?

    3. Except chaps are worn (by non-gay cowboys) over jeans, rendering them not assless. So “assless chaps” is perfectly acceptable in differentiating work chaps from, well, work chaps.

    4. I used to be pedantic about the redundancy of the “Assless” in “Assless chaps”.

      But, buy in large, for all intensive porpoises, i have accepted that such pedantry is futile. Also, not funny.

      However, for the record, chaps are by definition assless, if they had an ass they’d just be a pair of leather pants. 🙂

      I will now go back to towing the lion on this subject.

      1. But, buy in large, for all intensive porpoises, i have accepted that such pedantry is futile

        Woah, I almost took the bait. As if I already don’t sound stupid enough.

      2. you towed the lion on that one

    5. I know it’s redundant, that’s part of the joke. The other part (from a gay POV) is the obsession that straight people seem to have for gay men’s reputed fondness for this garment, and the need to point out that the inherently assless garment is indeed assless. Jaybus effing aitch key-rist, people…

      1. What is it about our ears?

    6. Mission accomplished.

  14. Neo Wage Gap!

  15. You know, if you insist on marriage and children, you’re going to have to stop calling it “gay”.

    1. But we’re different! So much so that we wanted to be treated the same! But we’re different!

    2. Uh, ok. I doubt you’d find many objections among the married-who-happen-to-be-gay.

  16. I thought being gay meant you got to spend your whole life having random sex and going out drinking. Turns out that’s just what you do when society doesn’t let you have a normal life in suburbia. I’d almost rather go back to being in the dregs. I swear gay men are turning into lesbians.

    1. Right now you’re like a paper clip. And just like a paper clip, God needs to bend you, and shape you, and make you… straight.

      1. *shoots self*

    2. STFU, Tony.

    3. Fuckin’ sweet.

  17. This is in sharp contrast to heterosexual fathers, who often augment their work hours and career commitments after having children.”… yeah because the straight men by the usual count ( not all) don’t want to have to raise the kids. So they work more to stay away from home. That’s at least from my experience with male friends. These gay males had to WORK for their children so they want to spend time with them. :p

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