Nanny State

Good News for Sexual Predators in the U.K.

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how would you like to wake up with the king?

If you're a registered sex offender living in the U.K. town of Lewisham, you're in luck. The town council of this little Brit burg is considering instituting a "No Fry Zone" around its primary schools. That way, the chubby little primary schoolers will have to walk about a fifth of a mile to get a burger while on break. (Question: Do people really let their primary school students wander off campus unattended for a snack? If so, this is one area where the nanny state has failed to encroach on the U.K.)

Since sex offenders are also forbidden to live close to schools, one imagines a wonderful confluence of events where children wander just outside the forbidden fry zone and, happily, happen upon mustachioed strangers offering to buy them a burger and then give them a ride back to campus. In their unmarked, windowless vans. Everybody wins!

(Note: The law actually doesn't close down existing shops, so—for a variety of reasons—the Burger King King will probably not start abducting British tots. Yet.)

NEXT: Pot Smoking Is a Lower Lowest Priority in Seattle Than It Is in Denver

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  1. Is it Burger King King or simply Burger King?

    I can’t stand this stupid new king. The old cartoon one, now he had class.

    1. A king is not a burgher. A burgher lives in a burgh. The king lives in a castle. Maybe a white castle, but a castle nonetheless.

  2. You like getting nailed by the King?

  3. It is not the only stupid thing they do in the UK

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/new…..rison.html

    Munir Hussain: father who attacked intruder freed from prison

    Munir Hussain, a businessman jailed for seriously injuring an intruder, was released from jail today after having his sentence reduced [to one year, out of an original 30 months].

  4. Everybody wins!

    Wrong. I’m a Lewisham kid-fucker, but I’m not into fatties.

    I suppose I could really black out my van windows, or put my mustache up over my eyes, but then I might as well be banging old midgets.

    Bollocks.

  5. Those commercials creep me the fuck out. Him standing next to the bed just staring.

  6. Presumably, with it so far away, the little butterballs will have to hustle which amounts to exercise. That will outweigh the concerns for the fast-food/overweight connection. And…the child will certainly not even have time for a ‘quickie’ with a sex-offender since ‘curb-service’ is out of the question.

    Sounds to me like the Brits have thought this one through.

  7. What they’ve done here is classic nanny state corporatism.

    They’ve given the existing franchises a lock on the market, by outlawing any competition.

    Way to go, socialist do-gooders!

  8. I think we all know the likely response to this strange unintended consequence: ban sex offenders from living within 2 km of a fast-food restaurant.

  9. Even better: ban all mailing and internet sales (without labourious paperwork) of candy. Sex offenders are already banned from 2 km from a confectionery or store that sells them and must report all sugar purchased at grocers. Furthermore they are monitored for internet browsing on online bookstores for candy cookbooks to follow up on the ban of visiting bookstores where they might secretly browse such a cookbook.

    Am I leaving anything out?

    1. Am I leaving anything out?

      Ban on “Windowless Vans for Dummies”

  10. After finishing school, Katherine Mangu-Ward had sent out reams of resumes to a wide range of companies. Since her degree was Ivy League, she’d figured she could take whatever she could get. She was surprised and delighted when the prestigious Washington magazine Reason, contacted, interviewed, and hired her.

    The interview had seemed odd. The senior editor himself, Nick Gillespie, had conducted it. He was an older man, but quite fit and attractive, with a full head of brown hair, and smoothly tanned skin. (Katherine was amused by the notion that he reminded her of the Fonz.) He’d barely discussed Katherine’s legal qualifications, but commented repeatedly on “what an attractive young woman” she was, and (leeringly?) her lovely mouth, full lips, dark hair and eyes. But Katherine shrugged it off as a harmless flirtation. Besides, she needed the job.

    She’d been at work for several weeks. It was now a Wednesday afternoon (“Hump Day,” she thought), and she was plowing through the routine tasks the editors couldn’t be bothered with. Her eyes were glazing with boredom when she got a call from Nick. He wanted her in his office, right away. Katherine was happy for the diversion from the tedious paperwork. She took the elevator up to Nick’s office. His receptionist waved her on through. Nick had an engaging smile on his face as he welcomed Katherine into his opulent office. “Please sit down, Ms. Mangu-Ward,” he said.

    “You’ve been doing a fine job for us, I want you to know. But truthfully, your qualifications are not what most attracted us to you as a prospective part of our team. You have other attributes that are very much to our liking.” As he said this, he leered openly at Katherine, eying her up and down, looking at her breasts, prominent, despite the conservative business pants-suit she wore. She felt, for a moment, as if she were wearing nothing at all. She began to blush as he did this, until his eyes returned to her face. Then she blushed more darkly as she realized Nick wasn’t actually looking her in the eye; he was staring at her mouth!

    “Ms. Mangu-Ward, we did an extremely thorough background check on you, as you might imagine, before we decided to hire you. We found your legal abilities to be quite stellar, of course. But what particularly caught our attention was this…” He pushed a legal folder across the desk to her. It was labeled with her name, and the word, “Confidential.” She opened the folder. In an instant, her heart was pounding, her mind spinning in confusion She could not believe what she saw. Inside was a series of glossy color photos of her, on her knees. She was shown nude, fellating one man, and holding the erect penis of another. The series of photos detailed her continued ministrations to these aroused men, culminating in a photograph of her face streaming with what could only be semen, as she stared hungrily into the camera.

    Katherine was speechless, for a moment. Finally, she asked, stammeringly, “H-How did you get these photographs?”

    Nick replied, “We have our sources. Confidential, of course.”

    “The photos are fakes!” Katherine snapped. “Digital fakes.”

    “No, Ms. Mangu-Ward, they are not. You know they are not. They were taken at a private, invitation-only establishment known, I believe, as the “Club of Sin. You are, according to our sources, now a regular at this club.”

    “Alright, then,” she said, dejectedly. “I will resign from this company.”

    “No, no, no, Ms. Mangu-Ward! That’s not it, at all.”

    “Then what is it you want?”

    “We like what we’ve seen you do. We want you to continue doing it. We want you to do it for us. I want you to do it for me. Beginning, now.”

    “What do you mean?” she asked. But she knew exactly what he meant. She’d been hired, ostensibly to perform routine editorial tasks. But in truth, for the most part, she’d been hired to suck cock.

    “Come here!” he commanded.

    “I’m leaving!” she replied.

    “Come here…please. Just take a look.” Nick stood up from his chair, emerging from behind his desk. His cock jutted out and upward from his unzipped fly. It was huge; the veins bulged; a tiny droplet of pre-cum was already glistening on the shiny, purplish tip. Despite her outrage, Katherine found herself staring at it, fascinated by it. Hungry for it.

    “You bastard,” she murmured, as she reached out and closed her hand around the throbbing phallus. She pumped it back and forth, several times, her desire rapidly growing. Without thinking, as if she were some erotic automaton, she dropped to her knees, and slipped Nick’s cock into her mouth. Her jaws ached a little from the size of it, but truly, she’d spent endless hours engaged in this activity, sucking cock?sucking cocks?in dorm rooms, automobile back seats, and most recently, at the Club. Why not suck this one?

    Nick reached down and tore open Katherine’s blouse, revealing her beautiful, full breasts. He smiled knowingly, triumphantly, as he saw and felt her nipples harden with his touch. She wanted this!

    Using her right hand, Katherine worked Nick’s cock, sliding it across her lips, and deep into her mouth, as it banged gently against the back of her throat. She’d long ago learned to control her gag response. This was so easy… Her left hand was now buried between her thighs, working her clitoris to the same rhythm of the cock sliding in and out of her mouth. She felt so exploited, so dirty, a mere sexual toy for this man. She didn’t care. She read Nick’s mind, and he was right. She wanted this.

    She paused for a moment, and let Nick’s cock slip from her mouth. She stared at it, transfixed by it. It pulsated, straining for release. The sight of it drove her wild, and at the same time, gave her a strange sense of power, knowing she could make Nick want her so. Then she once again engulfed the phallus with her lips and hand, pumping it rapidly in and out of her mouth, tonguing the underside, as she fingered her own swollen clitoris. At the last moment, she pulled Nick’s cock from her mouth pumping it furiously with her hand, in front of her face. Seconds later, he howled in animal ecstasy as the jizz flew from his cock. The first jet splashed warm and wet across Katherine’s nose, running down toward her lips, as the next blast went straight into her mouth. The sight and feeling and smell and taste of it pushed Katherine into a shattering orgasm. Nick’s cum kept flying into her face, dripping down her chin, and onto her breasts. Katherine knew she looked like a cum-addicted slut. No surprise there, for that was exactly what she was.

    A moment later, Nick had zipped himself up. “Thank you, Ms. Mangu-Ward,” he said. That was fine work. I’ll be calling on you again, in the very near future. Please see yourself out.” Katherine pulled her jacket tight around her ruined blouse, and headed quickly from the office. What had she done? Whatever it was, she knew she would be doing a lot more of it.

    1. The Bukkakinator said:

      i want to tell you my ulitimate desire’s. im white dude 38, just recently when do some good party,, my ddream is to be naked in a room white all black guys and big cock, i have a fetish, that i cant wait to fullfill, i admit i love the thought of a big black nigger dick in my mouth, and also in my virgin ass, my first time will be a big fucking nigger cock, and i cant wait, i would pay or do anything to be sexually with 2 to 10 black guys, all party, and i would love to suck as many black cocks as i could, i love women don’t get me wrong, but my ex wife, wanted me to do this, now that we are apart, i need to live out this fantasy, i think of it every day, to have a bunch of different nigger cocks shooting their nigger loads into my mouth, i would love it, and also to see a hugh ass nigger cock in my ass, i would yell out loud that i love nigger cock and cum in me pls, as the next black cock goes deep inside myy white boy’s ass, as people watch , i keep saying i love nigger cock, taste so good, as im held down, and my legs spread wide open, i i see this monster nigger cock, immediatly, wanted to sit on his big black cock, i told him im taking it all, i sit on it and i feel this big nigger cock go up into my ass , it feels wonderful, i take it all the way , i then feel this guy ‘s cum shooting in my ass, all i can think is i love being cum inside my ass for the first time, while im being film, and i love the idea knowing i am getting 10 niggers with monster cocks, that hold me down and fuck the dog shit out of my ass, and my mouth, i am discreet, but i would love to suck a big nigger dick in front of people i dont know, i am diffently a guy who loves to be with as many nigger cocks at one time as i can, behind closed doors, i just need to meet some particapants, i will do anything sexual, i will swallow niggger cum anytime, and at high times when we are fucking high as hell, i want to taste a nigger piss, i want to be able to say i am a niger whore, i would love to drink a nigger guys piss, only right out of his nicee black cock, im white guy and i love to be with big black nigger cocki am diffently in ;love with black cock, if i were a chick , i wou;d be in porn, and i would stay high and fuck niggers all the time, i want my wife to let me and a black guy fuck my wife, all night, i will suck nigger cock the rest of my life, i crave black dick in my mouth.i also love to lick a black guys ass hole like it’s a pussy, and smell his nasty ass, licking his big balls, also my white cock is being suck by every nigger in the room, any as im sucking all these nigger cocks, i keep saying that i want people to see me getting the fucking shit fucked out of me, i want to be treated like a fine ass white girl whore, cum dripping from both my mouth and ass, then get high some more, because they call some friends more nigger cock, i was naked on the bed this guy comes in the door, while im getting fuck,and pulls out his cock shoves it deep in my ass, as i scream out i love nigger cock, he philps me on my back, puts my legs behind my head and fuck me so hard and deep i cam 4 or 5 times, telling me the whole time to take it like it want it, 15 inches, and i had to show everybody, i can take it like a chick, i beg for all of it, i beg this big nigger to fuck me and dont stop for nothing, felt as if i had a pussy, and i was getting black dick in it, i told the guy he better fuck me like i am some fucking hot blonde,,, i felt his cock and was in love, all i wanted to do after that was get high for days, and be naked with a room fulll of nigger cocks, trying to turn me into a white guy whos loves more thatn anything in the world. to have a blac guys dick in my mouth and me sitting on nigger cock and being watch by a crowd of people, , my tounge looks good licking a big nigger cock, i will be with any nigger any age, you must party and be super nasty 1 time i had a black guy suck my cock when i bought some stuff from him before i knew it he had my dick out of my pants and in his mouth, i was very happy when he did that, because, i was able to really enjoy sucking his black cock and balls, and licking his ass hole, which i love, i loved it right way i then tasted his stubby nigger cock, in a bath room, i got down on my hands and nees, in the stalh, put his black didck iin my mouth, and while being high , i sucked his cock for about 20 min, as people cam into the bathroom, i was so high i i stayed on my knees whlle he was seated and sucked his cock right there, where someon could have seen me, but i would’nt have stoped. i would keep suking his black cock right there in the stahl, from that day on i would want to suck nigger dick on occasionand play with a bunch of theem, we left to my place we went back smoke ro@k all night, and sucked each other’s cock all night, my first black cock. and would love to put it in my mouth in front of people,, i bascially want to party for days with as many black guys that i can get to fuck me in a hotel room, while being filmed that would be the greatest to find someone game or i will pay . i want nasty black nigger cock n hotel room , doing everything imaginable , i want to be fucking naked and nasaty, and high with the biggest nigger cocks out there, i must be filmed, i have only did anal with toys, my ass is for black nigger dick, i cant wait till the day i get to sit on a hugh black cock,i i want to be fucked by as many nigger friends you have, so my WISH, HOTEL 3 DAYS, MIN 5 BLACK GUYS ANY AGE THAT WILL GET HIGH WITH A HOT WHITE GUY, FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, PAYED FOR YOUR PARTICAPATION YOU BEING FUCKED TO HELL, AS I TASTE ALLL THE COCK CUM AND ENJOY GETTING SLAM BY BLACK COCKS, WHILE I AM BEING THE WHITE GIRL WHORE, BECAUSE THATS WHAT I WANT TO BE , I AM AND LOVE TO FEEL BLACK COCK SLIDE IN TO MY MOUTH,, I WANT TO BE SEEN BY PEOPLE HIGH LOVING NIGGGER COCK IN SIDE ME I NEED TO SUCK NIGGGER COCK BAD, I WILL SOON, AND I CANT WAIT, BEST DAY EVER TO BE NAKED WITH A ROOM FULL OF NIGGERS, IM THE ONLY WHITE GUY, NO GIRLS,,, SMOKING AS IM ON MY BACK FEELING HIS BLACK COCK GO IN ME, I YELL OUT I LOVE YOUR NIGGER DICK IN Y PUSSY, HE FUCKS ME LIKE IM A BLONDE BOMBSHELL,, AS I LOVE IT MY FIRST NIGGER COCK, I KNOW I HAVE YRS OF MOMENTS TO GET HIGH AND BE WITH BLACK HUNG MALES, ONLY BLACK COCK IF I COULD I WOULD STAY HIGH EVERYDAY, AND JUST LOVE BEING SEXUAL WITH ALL BLACKS WOMEN AND MEN, , OR JUST BLACK GUYS, I WOULD LOVE TO BE FUCKED ON FILM AND BEING HIGH AS HELL EVERYDAY, AND NOT CARE, THE HIGHER WE GET THE BLACK COCKS I WANT IN MY MOUTH AND ASS, I WOULD LOVE TO SUCK A BLACKCOCK IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY, HIGH AS FUCK, OWULD LOVE IT TO BE CAUGHT WITH MY MOUTH OVER BIG BLACK COCK, I WOULD NOT CARE, AND WOULD LOVE TO BE SEEN AND MADE FUN OF, WHILE II SIT ON IT, AND KNEW RIGHT THEN THAT IM A BI GUY WHO LOVES TO THINK ABOUT BLACK DICK INSIDE ME, AND I WANT TO BE CAUGHT BY MY MOM OR STEP MOM IN THE BEDROOM, WHITH BLACK DICK IN MY MOUTH AND BEING FUCKED,, THE DOOR OPENS,MY MOMS YELLS, I SAY BUT I REALLY DO LOVE TO HAVE SEX WHILE HIGH WITH NIGGERS, I BEGED MY MOTHER, TO TRY NIGGER DIDCK, AND SHE LOVES IT, KNOW ONE KNOWS,,,,, NOW ME AND MY MOM SOMETIMES, WILL FUCK 2 NIGGERS, I LOVE TO SEE MY MOM GETTING FUCKED BY HUGH COCK, SHE DOES ADMIT TO ALWAYS WANTING TO HAVE ONE, I TOLD MY MOM, THAT I WOULD LOVE TO BE IN A NIGGER GANG BANG, AND SHE WANTS IN, I LOVE TO SEE MY 65 YRS OLD MOM FUCK NIGGERS WITH ME SHE LOVES IT NOW LIKE I DO, I DID LOVE BEING CAUGHT, I WOULD LOVE TO BE ON MY KNEESTO A BIG BLACK GUY, IN A BAPUBLIC BATHROOM, DOOR UNLOCKED SO SOMEONE WILL CAUGHT ME ON PURPOSE WHILE I AM SUCKING BLACK DICK,ON MY KNEES, THE GUY OPENS THE DOOR AND FREAKS OUT,BUT HE’S BLACK, I GRAB HIS HAND, PULL HIM IN RIP HIS PANTS DOWN SHOUV MY MOUTH OVER IT AND DEEP THROUGHT IT, AND TELL HIM QUIET, HIS COCK IS ABOUT 8 INCHES, BUT TASTE GOOD IN MY WHITE BOY MOUTH, NEXT THING I KNOW IM ON TH FLOOR ON MY BACK GETTING MY WHITE COCK SUCKED WHILE I HAVE HUGH NIGGER COCK GOING INTO ME, ON THE GAS STATION BATHROOM FLOOR, I WOULD HAVE GAVE ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT FOR SOMEONE TO OPEN THE DOOR ON ME, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST SOMEONE I KNOW SEE ING ME SUCKING BIG NIGGER COCK AND BEING FUCK IN MY VIRGIN ASS, AND CAUGHT ME, I WOULD KEEP SUCKING HOPING THAT I COULD BE SEEN WITH NIGGER DICK IN MY MOUTH

      SO LOVE GETTING HIGH AND NAKED WTH BLACK MALES, ANYTIME, CANT WAIT, I MUST BE FILMED WITH BLACK COCK IN MY ASS HOLE, I CANT WAIT TILL I CANREALLY BE WITH A BUNCH IF BLACK GUYS, AND JUST HAVE ANYTHING DONE TO ME, SOBER I WANT CHICKS, BUT I LOVE TO GET HIGH SO IT MAKES ME FEEL NASTY, LIKE I WABT TO SUCK BLACK COCK SO FUCKING BAD, I WILL DO ANY SEX ACT OR POSITION, WITH BLACKS ONLYMEN AND WOMEN, SO I NEED 3 OR 4 DAYS OF NIGGER COCK SLAMMING ME, WHILE BE FILMED, THEN, I LIKE TO PLAY IT FOR MY MOM AND STEP MOM, OR AT MY NEXT GANG BANG, 100% WOULD LOVE TO BE WITH BLACK COCK EVERYDAY FOR MY JOB,,,,NASTY IS WHAT I LOVE I DONT LIKE WHITE COCK, BUT FUCKING LOVE NIGGER COCK, SOON I WILL BE IN A HOTEL ROOM FOR DAYS WITH A BUNCH OF NASTY BLACK GUYS GETTING FUCKING, SUCKING COCKS AND LOVING THE FACT THAT I LIKE TO GET HIGH AND SUCK NIGGER COCK, AND TASTE SOME NIGGGER PISSING IN MY MOUTH, I WILL DRINK CUM AND PISS, IT WILL BE MY FIRST NIGGER PISS, I WANT IT INSIDE MY ASSHOLE TO, I WANT TO BE HELD DOWN BY 20NIGGERS MADE TO SUCK COCK FOR DAYS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, AND FUCK MY ASS HARD AS HELL, WHILE I AM MADE TO SUCK BLACK DICK FOR HOURS, WHICH THEY DIDNT KNOW I LOVE ,, MY LIPS LOVE THE THOUGHT OF A BALACK COCK IN MY MOUTH, I WANT TO SUCK A CRACK DEALERS COCK IN N ALLEY WHILE I SMOKE, AND IM CONSIDER A CRACK COCKK SUCKER, I WOULD LOVE TO SUCK COCK FOR CRACK HITS ALL NIGHT, OR THE GUY THAT SELLS ME GETS IN MY CAR, I WANT TO ASK HIM, IF I WHITE GUY, COULD SUCK HIS COCK PLS, HOPEFULLY HE JUST PULL S IT OUT ,SO I COULD SUCK RIGHT THERE, AND HHOPE HE LIKES, , WE FIND A DARK SPOT, I GET OUT ON THE HOOD OF THE CARD, MY LEGS SPREAD IWDE OPEN, WE DO SOME MORE HITES, , THATS WHEN HE FUCKS ME IN MY ASSS ON THE HOOD WITH MY LEGS SPREAD, SCREAMING ILOVE IT, WE GO BACK TO HIS ROOM AND SOMKE ROK, FOR 2 DAYS WHILE I CONTIUONUSLY SUCK HIS KILLER BLACKMONSTER COCK, HE TELLS ME HE’S CUMING, MY ASS JUMPS UP AND RIGHT DOWN ON THE BLACK DICK, YELLING OUT LOUD I LOVE NIGGER COCK, FOREVER!!!

      Dude’s got issues…

  11. I foresee a big ole banhammer in somebody’s future.

    1. It would have been all right if it were about Lonewacko.

      1. Not enough of The Jacket imo

    2. More like a lawsuit and restraining order.

    3. Where is the anonymity bot with her/his/its ridiculous coments.

      Something along the lines of, “Dude, that is just wrong dude. Pretty sick there dude!”

      That said, I give the slashfic a D+.

      Unimaginative and predictable with no relevance to the topic at hand; however, the imagery is passable.

      The other stuff…YIKES! That fellow could seriously use some therapy and meds.

      I agree with you bb, destination banhammer city for the Bukkakinator.

  12. This is what they propose for kiddie stalkers in Alabama.

  13. The Bukkakinator is definitely getting better, but we’ve been spoiled by some pretty sick slashfic here. I give this attempt a C.

  14. Talk about devotion to your craft!

  15. I was going to make a joke about Burger King not being affected by a “no fry zone” since their burgers are flame broiled, but it seems kind of pointless after Bukkakinator’s post.

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