Doomsday Clock Update: Armageddon a Minute Further Away

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Today, the folks at the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists have shoved the hands of their iconic Doomsday Clock one minute further away from the midnight hour of Armageddon. The press release explains:

 "It is 6 minutes to midnight. We are poised to bend the arc of history toward a world free of nuclear weapons.  For the first time since atomic bombs were dropped in 1945, leaders of nuclear weapons states are cooperating to vastly reduce their arsenals and secure all nuclear bomb-making material.  And for the first time ever, industrialized and developing countries alike are pledging to limit climate-changing gas emissions that could render our planet nearly uninhabitable.  These unprecedented steps are signs of a growing political will to tackle the two gravest threats to civilization—the terror of nuclear weapons and runaway climate change…  

This hopeful state of world affairs leads the boards of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists—which include 19 Nobel laureates—to move the minute hand of the Doomsday Clock back from five to six minutes to midnight.  By shifting the hand back from midnight by only one additional minute, we emphasize how much needs to be accomplished, while at the same time recognizing signs of collaboration among the United States, Russia, the European Union, India, China, Brazil, and others on nuclear security and on climate stabilization…

A key to the new era of cooperation is a change in the U.S. government's orientation toward international affairs brought about in part by the election of Obama.  With a more pragmatic, problem-solving approach, not only has Obama  initiated new arms reduction talks with Russia, he has started negotiations with Iran to close its nuclear enrichment program, and directed the U.S. government to lead a global effort to secure loose fissile material in four years.  He also presided over the U.N. Security Council last September where he supported a fissile material cutoff treaty and encouraged all countries to live up to their disarmament and nonproliferation obligations under the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty …"

Yesterday, I, in my gloomster mode, predicted that the hands of fate would be moved closer toward doom. I evidently misunderestimated the Obama Effect on the course of future history.

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  1. I evidently misunderestimated the Obama Effect on the course of future history.

    So did the scientists, or they would have set it to about 9:00.

    /Obamellatio

    1. Leave those guys alone! They’re bending the arc of history, and feels good! Damn good!

    2. If I were in that room when they said that, I would jump up, move both hands to 12, and punch them in the face while shouting “YOUR DOOMSDAY IS NOW”

      1. NNNIIIIIICCCCEEEE

  2. I saw this coming. I tried to deny it, but I felt something like this was going to happen.

  3. So, its an Obama stroke.

    How they can say this:

    We are poised to bend the arc of history toward a world free of nuclear weapons.

    With Pakistan in chaos and an Iranian nuke a fait accompli boggles the mind.

    1. You have to have “Hope?” RC! “Hope?” being the new market name of a new depression drug that causes severe delusion and drops in overall intelligence.

  4. climate-changing gas emissions that could render our planet nearly uninhabitable.

    Oh, what ridiculous bullshit!

    1. After reading that, it’s impossible to take these people seriously.

      1. Weren’t you already tipped off by the fact that these super-geniuses already presumed to date the end of the world?

        1. If there’s any evidence that there is a God, it’s the irony that’s pervasive throughout history. Watch, once that clock gets far enough away from midnight to where we all feel safe, an asteroid will do us in. Or maybe kangaroo flu will wipe us all out.

    2. climate-changing gas emissions that could render our planet nearly uninhabitable

      I have Hope? that this refers to the Copenhagen discussions and their ilk. 😉

  5. Maybe Cato or someone should start a Liberty Clock. Totally meaningless, but may get publicity like this meaningless Doomsday clock does.

    1. You’d have to set it to the year 1759.

    2. Not a liberty clock. A tyranny clock.

      1. And not a clock. A pot of water on the stove.

        1. Can we make it a tea kettle?

          “When it whistles, we are all irretrievably fucked.”

          1. Sure, so long as it has a frog in it.

            1. Hey now, the French aren’t the ONLY ones at fault.

              1. The amphibian, not the German destination of choice.

  6. So that’s why I’m running late today.

  7. The Bulletin and its scientists and supporters continue to make a signficiant contribution to international dialogue about these matters. Agree or disagree with their conclusions, they are one of the few organizations to sustain long term dialogue across disciplines, nationality and political interest.

    1. [citation needed]

      1. I remember seeing this in ‘The Onion’.

  8. Bending the history arc. Is Orszag involved? Apparently we forgot Iran. The US and Russia, those are the big nuclear threats according to these hacks. Oh, and we’ve managed to stop climate change. Because of an informal agreement to limit warming to 2 degrees. After careful negotiation, in which some had argued for 4 degrees. In good hands, people.

  9. We are poised to bend the arc of history toward a world free of nuclear weapons.

    I’ll tell you where we’re poised. We are poised on the edge of global economic collapse and the end of civilization. And just like the pilot is always responsible for the crash, because he was the last best chance to correct the problem, so too will the end days be laid at Obama’s feet.

    1. “so too will the end days be laid at Obama’s feet.”

      Not as long as there is a single liberal breathing that can blame capitalism instead.

      1. “Not as long as there is a single liberal breathing that can blame capitalism Milton Friedman instead.”

    2. The following two statements:

      We are poised to bend the arc of history toward a world free of nuclear weapons.

      and

      We are poised on the edge of global economic collapse and the end of civilization.

      Are both quite false.

  10. Wow, that is an impressively huge load of nonsense that has no relationship to reality. Vastly overestimating the climate change risk, and vastly underestimating the nuclear risk. Well done, Doomclock Dumbfucks.

  11. “The Doomclock Dumbfucks” would be a good name for a band.

  12. who is getting rid of their nukes now? no one, in fact countries are trying to get nukes. and this isn’t the first time, South Africa built a nuclear weapon and dismantled it. reduction, hmm, I guess they must be talking about the UK getting rid of ONE of its Vanguard ballistic missile subs but I’m pretty sure they are still keeping the missiles.

    1. I believe that there are plans in the works for the US and Russia to lower their stocks of nukes. But, to misquote Nicole Kidman’s chatacter in The Peacemaker, I’m not afraid of the man who has a thousand nuclear weapons. I’m terrified of the man who only wants one.

  13. I’m sure Iran, North Korea and Pakistan were taken into account in 2007, the last time they set the Clock.

  14. …he has started negotiations with Iran to close its nuclear enrichment program…

    I’m sure this will work out as well as it did with North Korea.

  15. Wow, very well said, very well said indeed!

    Jess
    http://www.web-privacy.se.tc

  16. I for one look forward to letting it all hang out.

  17. Have they taken Daylight Savings Time into account? We might already be dead.

    1. @Citizen Nothing

      I think you’re onto something there. Not too long ago, I distinctly remember seeing a large bird jump out of a clock and scream “cuckoo, cuckoo” …

  18. Yeah, these goofs are bending the arc of history towards a nuke free world in the same way that Obama, Pelosi, and Reid are bending down the cost curve of health care.

  19. A key to the new era of cooperation is a change in the U.S. government’s orientation toward international affairs brought about in part by the election of Obama. With a more pragmatic, problem-solving approach, not only has Obama initiated new arms reduction talks with Russia, he has started negotiations with Iran to close its nuclear enrichment program, and directed the U.S. government to lead a global effort to secure loose fissile material in four years. He also presided over the U.N. Security Council last September where he supported a fissile material cutoff treaty and encouraged all countries to live up to their disarmament and nonproliferation obligations under the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty ?”

    I think I might vomit.

    1. So they did follow Oslo’s lead and give him extra credit for the things he *might* do. Maybe. Next week.

      Obama, if nothing else, will go down in history as the largest projection screen in the known universe.

    2. I just feel so comforted knowing that my future is in the gentle hands of such noble and wise overlords.

  20. Yeah, “peace in our times”. Heard that one before too.

    1. The Nonproliferation Treaty to end all Nonproliferation Treaties!

  21. ‘Tis a silly dance they do. If and when a jihad-addled nitwit finally sets off The Bomb somewhere, will the clock hit midnight so we can all stop looking at it? Or will its creators simply start splitting seconds, ad infinitum, like Zeno?

    1. Zeno would say Armageddon is an impossibility, since the nukes will never reach their targets.

      1. To stretch the paradox a bit further, the nukes never would have been completed. But we digress. It’ll always be something-to-twelve, and nobody really cares.

  22. Sounds like a scam to me.

    1. You still in the running for anonymity-bot, Pro L?

      1. All the cool kids are saying it.

        Buy some stuff from me.

  23. “For the first time since atomic bombs were dropped in 1945, leaders of nuclear weapons states are cooperating to vastly reduce their arsenals and secure all nuclear bomb-making material. And for the first time ever, industrialized and developing countries alike are pledging to limit climate-changing gas emissions that could render our planet nearly uninhabitable. These unprecedented steps are signs of a growing political will to tackle the two gravest threats to civilization — the terror of nuclear weapons and runaway climate change… “””
    Yeah, nevermind those guys in Iran, Pakistan, North Korea who are peace loving.

  24. The whole “clock” analogy doesn’t really work. Clocks don’t run backwards. Were they wrong when the clock was set to 5 minutes to midnight?

  25. And yet these fearmongers claim it’s still just “six minutes” until doomsday, whatever that means.

    I’d hate to do these guys’ laundry. The urine and shit stains must be awful.

  26. Obama can bend time?!?

    1. You obviously haven’t been listening to the MSM and glibpunditry.

      THERE IS NO LIMIT TO THE POWER OF THE OBAMESSIAH

  27. So does the ‘Scientist’ who actually moves the hands get to refer to himself as “Dr. Doom” for the day?

  28. I told you Obama would save us.

    hmm|1.13.10 @ 1:48PM|#

    Are you kidding? All’s better with Obama.

    Proof:
    http://www.usatoday.com/news/n…..anic_N.htm

  29. Does the hour hand actually move in correct relation to the minute hand? If not, their clock is a piece of shit. Also, you guys were right yesterday predicting the leftist/ Obama fellating rampant in the Clock setting committee.

  30. “and directed the U.S. government to lead a global effort to secure loose fissile material in four years.”

    This program was started by the last administration, in 2004. For 2010, Obama cut its budget.

  31. Chicken Little didn’t need no stinkin’ clock.

  32. For the first time since atomic bombs were dropped in 1945, leaders of nuclear weapons states are cooperating to vastly reduce their arsenals and secure all nuclear bomb-making material

    They’re kidding, right? Tell me they’re kidding. Yeah, they’re kidding.

  33. So from 1947 to 2010 the Doomsday Clock went from 11:53 PM to 11:54 PM. On that schedule we can anticipate midnight about 2388.

    What I took home from the whole exchange is that all we have to do to cure global warming is set off a few nukes.

  34. Somebody deserves a Nobel for this.

  35. does the science work on digital clocks or only analog?

  36. Does the doomsday clock have a snooze button?

  37. Doomsday Clock would be a great name for a band.

  38. Why don’t we just explode all the nukes at once in the craters of all the active volcanoes of the world and solve all problems at once?

    Hell – We could be move the clock back to “happy hour” and sit around toasting our success…

  39. An easy way to tell if a ROLEX is a fake is to notice the sweeping hand motion (rather than “tick”)…

    So I’m imagining these guys are just cheap street corner imitations…

  40. I say if the government was smart, they’d say it’s 1 minute to midnight, and then people would try their asses off to get the doomsday clock to a better time.

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