Internet

The Internet Strikes Again!

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Daniel Schorr emerges from the freezer where he's preserved in the NPR basement, takes a hard look at the Fort Hood massacre, and identifies the real enemy: a series of tubes.

All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Daniel, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in the Internet.

From what is publicly known about Maj. Nidal Hasan, accused killer of 13 in a rampage at Fort Hood, he had no accomplice—unless you count the Internet in which he communed, exchanging sinister thoughts with an extremist cleric….

A decade ago, the army psychiatrist had frequented a mosque in Northern Virginia where Awlaki preached. More recently, a year ago, he sought to renew that contact by e-mail. The cleric has said that he did not reply to the first two or three messages, but then opened a relationship in which several more e-mails were exchanged over a year.

Texts of the messages have not been released, so it is difficult to know who said what to whom. It is not known whether Fort Hood or any other target was specifically discussed. But the tone of the relationship can be judged by a message Awlaki posted on his Web site after the Fort Hood attack. It said, "Fighting against the U.S. Army is an Islamic duty today."…

Is the radical imam culpable for retroactively justifying the attack? Or does the Internet merit some of the responsibility for helping the violence prone to fester there in communion with the machine?

If email makes you shoot people, do microphones make you stupid?

NEXT: Auditing the Fed

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  1. I like when Schorr comes on NPR, because I think to myself, “Here comes some stupid!”, and you know what? He rarely disappoints.

    1. I especially enjoyed Schorr’s 1878 piece: “Carrier Pigeons: Two-Winged Hell-Spawn”.

      But, seriously, folks, I’m just kidding, tip your paper tigers.

      1. Nice touch with the black and white photo. That means he’s dead, right?

      2. How’d you like to be interviewed on Reason TV? You’d make a great guest.

          1. Imposter!! Those two posts were lucid, entertaining, and relevant.

      3. Nice.

        1. I forgot to put on the suggestion form: a way to delete your own posts when you screw up. And hey, it would help prune these anastomoses.

          1. That’s it, I’m not ever posting before I drink coffee again.

    2. I don’t know if this is a local thing or if it’s on all the NPR stations, but there’s this guy that’s on maybe once a week; I’m pretty sure they call him “Frosty”. He sounds like an old man. And he is incredibly partisan and unbelievably stupid. And he seems to absolutely loathe Tom Coburn, attacking him any chance he gets, taking quotes totally out of context to make it look like Coburn said things he completely did not say, etc.

      Basically he’s just some old guy NPR allows to rant for a few minutes now and then, and it’s simultaneously entertaining and infuriating.

  2. No kidding.

    I love how he’s so proud that he was on Nixon’s enemies list.

    I swear the only thing I can see that explains that is that Dick was scared that if he listened to Daniel Schorr he might get bored to death.

    1. I am surprised he did not mention Nixon, he usually manages to put Nixon and the Enemies List into just about any subject he talks about.

      Ask him about the weather and within two minutes he will start talking about Nixon.

  3. Daniel Schorr emerges from the freezer where he’s preserved in the NPR basement

    Gold, Jesse, Gold…

  4. I shocked to discover he’s still alive.

    1. Who says he is?

    2. Me, too. I barely remembered the name, except for some post-Watergate books I read in college.

      Twenty years ago.

  5. I blame Johannes Gutenberg for the Ukraine famine.

    1. And indeed, the whole Thirty Years War, Eighty Years War, French Wars of Religion, Wars of the Three Kingdoms and any other 16th and 17th century religious conflict I might have left out. The man was a monster!

  6. “Texts of the messages have not been released, so it is difficult to know who said what to whom.”

    schorr’s printer’s on the fritz again.

    for future reference: hasan’s lines are on green, awlaki’s on white

  7. In his defense, however, he is 93. It’s hard to really be upset when somebody that old says stupid stuff.

    1. In his defense, however, he is 93. It’s hard to really be upset when somebody that old says stupid stuff [about technology].

      Although (hat tip to J sub D), you’d think someone of Schorr’s stature would make the connection between the fucking printing press and the danger it presented to the Crown…

    2. I think he’s cute.

      1. And I think you’re a wax midget.

    3. my grandparents both lived to 92 and never said anything this stupid. Maybe it happens right on your 93rd birthday.

  8. unless you count the Internet in which he communed, exchanging sinister thoughts with an extremist cleric

    This sounds like my daily experience on H&R. And guess which one of you depraved psychopaths is my cleric?

  9. If I say, “Frau Bunny”, will I hear the sound of rabbits neighing in the background?

    1. Nope.

      The point of that joke is that “blucher” is German for “glue”. Glue is made from horse hooves (or it was at the time, I’d be surprised if it still is), thus the horses neigh in fear when they hear the word.

  10. Props for the alt-text, BTW.

  11. Old people these days just don’t have proper respect for the internet.

  12. Is the radical imam culpable for…

    What do you call an islamic cleric on the internet, an iMam.

    1. No, that’s what you call a female breast in Net porn.

      1. Wrong again, I call it ‘notmyMam’.

  13. do microphones make you stupid?

    You know, I was watching c-span for about 3 hours the other day and…

    1. Beats working, eh?

      1. Yes it does, and the more you chat me up about it the more happy I become to let a mouthbreathing douchebag like you keep me fat and happy. Thanks for all your hardwork.

        1. Thanks for making my point. That a social freeloader would defend itself on a Libertarian website is the epitome of vile.

          1. That post made ben do a little jig. Keep it up.

            1. I don’t much care for your suggestion that I am a jigger. The correct terminology is, “Jiggie-American.”

  14. I always change the station when his unbearable voice comes on. Now that I know he’s 93 at least I understand why he sounds so sloppy and wheezy.

    Really not pleasant to listen to. And speaking of awful radio voices, what kind of retards have made Mark Levin a figure of talk radio prominence?

    1. Mark Levin is like an angry piece of chalk on an angry slate blackboard.

      1. No, if you paid any attention at all to an angry piece of chalk on an angry slate chalkboard has a chance – however slight – you might read something sensible.

        With Levin you have no hope of that at all.

      2. Her speech problem aside, how can anyone listen to Diane Rehm? She’s like O’Reilly on valium. Anyone she disagrees with gets ignored and talked over. Anyone she agrees with gets the full genital tongue bath.

        1. I would pledge $1000 for Dianne Rehm to have phone sex with Gilbert Gottfried on live radio.

          1. That would immediately cause the world to end because nothing that could ever happen afterward could be better than that.

  15. What, you have a problem with girly-man voices?

  16. I wonder what his take on Death Panels is?

    1. That they are probably a regrettable necessity for the Little People, but of course would never intervene in the medical care of luminaries such as himself.

  17. Wait, is Daniel Schorr the guy who was on Michael Douglas’ TV in The Game? The one who would read regular news in one second and then be talking directly to Douglas in the next?

    1. Yes… I guess it turns out Mr. Schorr plays one on TV as well.

      Getting on Nixon’s enemies list must have been a good gig.

  18. Personally, I blame Cadmus.

    1. Aresen,

      Sorry, that link appears to be blocked in the U.S. Damned censors!

      1. I think the link is SugarFreed.

      2. It was supposed to be the wiki article on Cadmus, for some reason, I can’t get hyperlinks to work since H&R SWITCHED TO THIS NEW THREADED FORMAT*

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadmus

        .

        *(But I’m not bitter.)

        really

  19. “If email makes you shoot people, do microphones make you stupid? ”

    Brillliant.

  20. Other than getting on Nixon’s nerves what has Daniel Snore done? His NPR jowly mumbling (with total failure book author Scott Simon) are a snore. Worth listening to if you’ve just woke up from a decade slumber but otherwise totally devoid of information of any value.

    1. If you just woke up from a decade long slumber, why would you wan’t to be put RIGHT BACK to sleep? Unless you had a cool dream going i mean.

    2. He had a gay Nixon staffer ratted out to the FBI.

  21. Too bad Hasan didn’t write letters to the imam. Schorr would be advocating the abolition of the Post Office.

  22. Whoa baby…
    A Google image search for current photos of Daniel Schorr is worth the ten seconds it takes. No shit, you could say to me, “FLFW, Daniel Schorr is seven thousand years old.”
    “No way,” I reply.
    “Here, look at this current picture of him,” says you.
    “Holy fuck – seven thousand years old it is!” I exclaim.

    True story.

  23. From his wiki page:

    “Other work
    Though by no means a fan of rock music, Schorr became friends with composer Frank Zappa after the latter contacted him, asking for help with a voter-registration drive. Schorr made an appearance with Zappa on February 10, 1988, where he sang “It Ain’t Necessarily So” and “Summertime”. Schorr delivered the eulogy on NPR after Zappa’s untimely death on December 4, 1993; he professed not to understand Zappa’s lengthy discourses on music theory, but he found a kindred spirit?a serious man with a commitment to free speech.”

    Except when it comes down a tube.

    1. Henceforth, I would like any description of me to begin with “Though by no means a fan of rock music”. Even though I do like rock music. And even if it doesn’t apply to the rest of the description. It just sounds so…awesome.

  24. I’m just dissapointed.

    a series of tubes.

    No mention of vacuum tubes/thermionic valves anywhere. Fucking Tube Tease.

    1. A bunch of younger folks around here laughed at me the other day when I used the term “transistor radio”. Damn whipper snappers. “Transistor radios” were the Ipods of my day.

  25. wylie – there was a period in the early-to-mid 90’s when vacuum tubes were pretty hard to find. A lot of musicians had old tube amplifiers, and the only replacements – when tubes broke – had to be imported from Eastern Europe, where they were still state of the art technology.

  26. Get off my internet, you kids! (shakes fist)

    /channeling Schorr

  27. Oooooh fuck yeah!

    I’ve hated this asshole for years, but I didn’t think anyone else knew who he was.

    Evry fucking commentary he does is related to the two times in his life when he had a boner: 1) the time Nixon put him on the enemies list; 2) the time some Russian slipped him a mickey.

    Cough up your lungs you hack!

  28. Some gossip:

    A woman I know was assigned to chauffeur Schorr around when he came to give a talk at our nearby university. She said he acted like an arrogant jerk; none of our small-town accommodations measured up to his standards.

  29. Scuse me? This fellow following your precious death cult of Islam is responsible for the killing. Islam says there should be jihad against us unbelievers and Malik Nidal Hasan took this to heart.

    Far from this being a tiny minority, the others support him but don’t feel like getting off their ass and doing something. And we’ll never know when our Islamic buddies do feel like getting off their ass to kill us wretched kaffirum (the so-called sudden jihad syndrome).

    And society and you yourselves will continue to be worse off as long as you spout your anti-Semitism and ignore where the real danger is from because bashing the Jews or the Jewish state is just so sadistically pleasurable for you guys.

    “There’s no need to fear. Underzog is here!”

    The Jewish Defense League Marching Song

    The Stars and Stripes Forever

  30. In all fairness the internet did make me send money to libertarian magazine.

  31. I took a shit in Daniel Shorr once.

  32. All of you guys calling him a senile windbag might want to think twice. He’s on to me! Allahu akbar!

  33. UnderChump went on a killing spree earlier, targeting several hamentaschen and a bottle of Manischewitz.

  34. in communion with the machine?

    OK, the Internet is a machine. And so is a stick to get grubs out of a hole in a tree. It must be nice to survive in a world that transcends machines.

  35. “…in communion with the machine?”

    If he had actually been in communion with machines it would have been better. The problem is Nadal was incommunion with radical Islamists through machines. This is on the order of blaming the gun for violence rather than the person who fired it.

    1. If the Internet is outlawed, then only outlaws …

  36. Daniel Schorr is a pompous windbag. His little NPR talks are masterpieces of ponderousness, and most of the time, all he does is state the blindingly obvious. The tone of voice he brings to these nothings sounds as if he thinks he just came down off the mountain with a couple of stone tablets.

  37. This post is the work of a manipulative prick. …designed to invite disdain for a minor figure on public radio. Do you people have ZERO ethics? Do you really expect us to believe you are so literal-minded that Daniel Schorr is actually stupid? Apparently, yes. Thanks, alittlesense and all the other sociopaths.

    1. No we think he is stupid because of all the years we’ve listend to him, not because of this one piece.

      1. All the years you’ve listened to him???? Wouldn’t that make you a follower of the stupid?

        If he’s stupid, why continue listening?

        1. Not just you, but everyone that’s counted in the “we’ve” subset.

    2. “Sociopath?”

      Whatevs. We keep it real around here. IF you can’t handle that, perhaps you should go find a website with pictures of unicorns and rainbows.

  38. He is exhibit number one of the case for euthanasia.

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