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"Afghan Presidential Election A Celebration Of All Forms Of Government," reports The Onion:

While the election is being hailed as a testament to Afghanistan's devotion to autocratic, theocratic, and possibly even oligarchic ideals, it was not without its share of tragedy. On the day of the vote, Taliban insurgents fired more than 120 rockets in Kandahar alone, causing many Afghans to lose their lives in the name of whatever form of government they were or were not actively participating in.

"People have to realize that any burgeoning exilarchy, autocracy, or tyranny will, from time to time, experience setbacks," Robert Carlisle, an international adviser to the Free and Fair Election Foundation of Afghanistan, told reporters. "The same goes for a burgeoning feudalistic, fascist, or kratocratic society, which is another thing we've had here over the past several months. Actually, if one has ever studied consociationalism, there was a little bit of that, too."

Whole thing here.

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  1. I thought it was an autonomous collective.

  2. Bloody peasant!

  3. Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, Didn’t you?

  4. You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–

  5. There you go, talking about class again.

    1. When you’re alone, and you fart, and you say “Excuse me” … that’s class.

    2. Help! Help! I am being repressed!

  6. Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

  7. Arguably the best and deepest commentary ever about political “science.” Ever.

    1. too bad Obama’s gonna beat them out for the Pulitzer.

      1. Also, any awards Monty Python ever received will be retroactively re-awarded to obama.

        1. Obama is funnier than Python.

  8. Governmental types:

    1. Shit, that didn’t work.

  9. What better subject matter

  10. Who are you?

    I am Arthur, king of the Britons.

    King of the who?

    The Britons.

    Who are the Britons?

    We all are.

    Well I didn’t vote for you…

    1. I am reminded of the story of a really shitty actor who for some reason landed the role of Hamlet.

      Hamlet: This is I

      Hamlet!

      THE DANE!!!

  11. You can’t expect to wield supreme power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

  12. For threaded haiku?

  13. Oh but if I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away.

  14. I wonder if that refers to Sarah Palin?

  15. SHUT UP. WILL YOU SHUT UP!

  16. Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!

  17. Oh, the hell with it:

    ARTHUR: Old woman!
    DENNIS: Man!
    ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry. What knight live in that castle over there?
    DENNIS: I’m thirty seven.
    ARTHUR: What?
    DENNIS: I’m thirty seven — I’m not old!
    ARTHUR: Well, I can’t just call you `Man’.
    DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis’.
    ARTHUR: Well, I didn’t know you were called `Dennis.’
    DENNIS: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
    ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,’ but from the behind
    you looked–
    DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
    ARTHUR: Well, I AM king…
    DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An’ how’d you get that, eh? By
    exploitin’ the workers — by ‘angin’ on to outdated imperialist dogma
    which perpetuates the economic an’ social differences in our society!
    If there’s ever going to be any progress–
    WOMAN: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh — how d’you do?
    ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
    Who’s castle is that?
    WOMAN: King of the who?
    ARTHUR: The Britons.
    WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
    ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we’re all Britons and I am your king.
    WOMAN: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
    collective.
    DENNIS: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship.
    A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
    WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
    DENNIS: That’s what it’s all about if only people would–
    ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives
    in that castle?
    WOMAN: No one live there.
    ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
    WOMAN: We don’t have a lord.
    ARTHUR: What?
    DENNIS: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take
    it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
    ARTHUR: Yes.
    DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified
    at a special biweekly meeting.
    ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
    DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,–
    ARTHUR: Be quiet!
    DENNIS: –but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more–
    ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
    WOMAN: Order, eh — who does he think he is?
    ARTHUR: I am your king!
    WOMAN: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
    ARTHUR: You don’t vote for kings.
    WOMAN: Well, ‘ow did you become king then?
    ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake,
    [angels sing]
    her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur
    from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I,
    Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
    [singing stops]
    That is why I am your king!
    DENNIS: Listen — strange women lying in ponds distributing swords
    is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power
    derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical
    aquatic ceremony.
    ARTHUR: Be quiet!
    DENNIS: Well you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power
    just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
    ARTHUR: Shut up!
    DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin’ I was an empereror just
    because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d
    put me away!
    ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
    DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
    ARTHUR: Shut up!
    DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
    HELP! HELP! I’m being repressed!
    ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
    DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that,
    eh? That’s what I’m on about — did you see him repressing me,
    you saw it didn’t you?

    1. i have to admit that is my favorite scene in that movie. My GF gives me a dirty look when I start loudly reciting the lines and giggling like a fool.

      1. I am surprised.

        [wait for it]

        …that you have a girlfriend.

    2. Well done, we were going to eventually quote the whole thing anyway.

      I also liked that in a previous post about the health care bill they used a picture from the “Bring Out Your Dead” scene. Amazingly hilarious and appropriate.

  18. An article found while googling kratocratic.

    http://knol.google.com/k/ygrai…..i5sh5a8/1#

    There Is Only One Form of Satanism

    The Satanic Bible Presents the Only Legitimate Satanic Religion

    While many groups and organizations today claim to be “Satanic”, only the philosophy practiced by the members of the Church of Satan and those who adhere to The Satanic Bible can rightfully be called Satanists. All others are merely variations of Christian Heretics and devil worshipers. Given the recent upsurge in alleged ritual abuse, now more than ever, it is essential that only one definition of Satanism be accepted.

    1. In order to be a Satanist you have to behave like Satan and believe that God exists so that you can spit in his face. The fact that they behave the same as Christians because they believe in a fake God seems actually downright consistent!

    2. Look, if you like Satan half as much as we do, then we like Satan twice as much as you.

    3. Anyone recognize this? Been there? Care to explain that one?

      http://img259.imageshack.us/i/scannedimagee.jpg/

  19. Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

  20. There you go, SF, on and on about one definition for everything. One definition for Satanism. One definition for tax. Blah blah blah. How does one expect to silence his critics if we can’t change what words mean as we go?!

  21. It’s Mao or Never
    “White House Communications Director Anita Dunn will step down by the end of November and be replaced by her deputy Dan Pfeiffer,” reports Fox News.

    If she’s still unemployed after three months, she’ll have a long March.

  22. In all seriousness, Sweet’n’Low, that’s fascinating stuff. I sometimes think your browser history must be like something out of Lovecraft: infinite knowledge granted at the cost of experiencing a matching boundless horror.

  23. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.

    1. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion? C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser gate?

      I’ve seen all that shit, too. It’s Xeones’ face that I can’t believe. How ugly it is, that is.

      1. I’m sure Xeones is just as handsome as everyone else who spends all day on a libertarian comment board.

        1. Speak for yourself, Sug. Apart from the pungent musk, Warty is very pretty in Joan Collins drag.

          1. The musk is all that matters, you frosty trollop.

            1. Don’t be jealous that you can’t match the combination of womanly features with an otherwise rape-y exterior that Warty has mastered.

              Actually, given the tendency of libertarian men to sport beards, maybe you all do have something to hide.

              1. Without one I am so lovely that it endangers my marriage.

                I did realize the other day that my beard is 13-years-old. Time for a bar mitzvah. Today, my beard is a man.

                1. It’s ironic that your beard is more of a man than you are.

                2. Wait 3 more years and throw it a Super Sweet Sixteen. Then it can throw on a skirt, take off its underwear, and make its pop-pop proud.

                  1. SugarFree’s beard already does rainbow parties.

    2. There’s something wrong with the world when there are so few Rutger Hauer movies.

      1. Hauer has been in twice as many movies as Kevin Bacon.

        1. It should be ten times.

        2. Personally, I would prefer if the game were Six Degrees of John Saxon.

          1. Yeah, he friggin’ rules, too.

          2. You could do two degrees of Harry Dean Stanton. For a couple of decades, he was in every single film that came out of Hollywood. You can look it up.

      2. What you’ve just witnessed is, in many ways, a life-sized video game. You saw a liar talk to a killer and you couldn’t tell them apart. But hey, it’s only television. As you may know, television programs are just the filler between attempts to steal your money. So if you want to save some, turn me off. It’s a simple movement, done with the hand and what is left of your free will. The moment is now. My bet is you can’t do it. But go ahead and try.

    3. Have you ever seen a man eat his own head?

  24. While many groups and organizations today claim to be “Satanic”, only the philosophy practiced by the members of the Church of Satan and those who adhere to The Satanic Bible can rightfully be called Satanists.

    Splitters!

  25. Who would have thought H&R comments could so quickly devolve into a vigorous recitation of Monty Python quips?

    (You don’t have to answer that.)

      1. Seeing as we are not men, we are Devo, this makes sense.

    1. I, too, object to the term devolve. Especially quoting this particular bit, which was very good.

    2. I’ve told you once…

      1. My Monty Python experience is very limited. The lumberjack song. Crunchy frog. A few other bits from a live album in the 70s.

        “if it didn’t have bones in it, it wouldn’t be crunchy now would it?”

        1. The upper class twit video and the dead parrot video are on the MP must-see list.

    3. I too object to “devolve!” Your mother is an hamster and your father smells of elderberries!

  26. Those first few posts reminded me of when Monty Python was performing live a few years back and Cleese forgot his line. The entire audience shouted it out to him.

  27. I wonder if Satanists and atheists get along. I mean, do Satanists tolerate atheists, or deride them for not believing in The Dark Prince? And do Satanist argue the existence of Satan, or just the existence of God, which has a far more extensive history of apologia. Does belief in the existence of God (not Biblical truth) automatically require a belief in the existence of Satan? Are they a package deal?

    1. Does belief in the existence of God (not Biblical truth) automatically require a belief in the existence of Satan? Are they a package deal?

      Don’t you know there ain’t no devil,
      There’s just god when he’s drunk.

      – Tom Waits (from Heart Attack and Vine)

      http://www.musicsonglyrics.com…..lyrics.htm

  28. SF, I guess you didn’t read your own link. The Satanists (the real ones, N.B.) don’t really worship Satan, since that would just make them Christian heretics. The woman who wrote that claimed they were, essentially, atheists.

    As to what they actually believe, and why they call themselves Satanists if that’s really the case, I have no idea.

    1. Actually, I was thinking about the 2nd commenter.

      Let me begin by saying that I have much respect for Anton La Vey and the Church of Satan.I do,however,feel that it is quite presumptuous to say that there is only one form of Satanism.My definition of a god is a being that cannot die.I recognize Satan as a god,and He is the god I choose to worship.I do not know everything about Satan.But I do know He has been around since time as we know it began,and He has helped the strong survive all these years.To have a religion means to believe in and identify with some sort of higher power .How can one be part of a kingdom without serving a king? My king is Satan.I serve Him above all men because He is in every man,and therefore can influence every man.A new,provacative age in Satanism is about to begin,and the allegiance of all will be tested.Various men and women have contributed greatly to Satanism over the years,but every true Satanist must pledge allegiance to Satan Himself.If you do not believe in an actual Satan,then call yourself a “spooky atheist” and move on.If your allegiance is to Anton La Vey above Satan,then call yourself a “La Veyist” and move on.If you truly seek the real Satan,you will find Him.

      1. Is there some sort of Satanic Pope that can give us a ruling?

        1. I’ll render my decision at the proper time.

        2. It sounds like the real Church of Satan? wouldn’t abide by the ruling in any event.

          As for the rest of the Satanic believers, I suspect they’d wind up like the Protestants, with 500 different flavors of Satanism, what with the Unbaptists and Episcohellians and whatnot.

        3. Who or what are the angels? Not departed souls from earth. God’s buddies until Lucifer needed to be kicked out of heaven? So who created God’s buddies and for what purpose?
          Inquiring minds want to know.

  29. As to what they actually believe, and why they call themselves Satanists if that’s really the case, I have no idea.

    Who would just hijack a word with such meaning, only to twist it for their own purposes?

  30. Technically, “democracy” is “kleptocratic mob rule”, sometimes with a thin pretense of constitutionalism to placate the easily fooled.

    1. What form of government do you recommend?

      1. A republic, madam, if you wish to keep it.

  31. Until God speaks to me directly and has some sort of positive identification (Driver’s License, Passport, etc.), I will assume any religion is the result of human action to control my life and/or income.
    Humans are programmed to dominate other humans whether by religion, government, or social relationships.

    1. Well put, in the meantime I’ll worship The Gourd.

      1. omg! the gourd is what i call…

        never mind.

        1. I think the term you seek is choad.

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