Kerry Dougherty Makes Fat Jokes

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Since the Ryan Frederick case broke a year ago, Virginian-Pilot columnist Kerry Dougherty has thus far proven to be a reliable (if not always accurate) defender of the Chesapeake Police Department.

Frederick is the 28-year-old Chesapeake, Virginia man facing murder charges for killing a police officer during a drug raid (see this wiki for more on Frederick's case).

Today, Dougherty outdoes herself, using her columng to crack fat jokes because Ryan Frederick has gained 60 pounds while isolated in jail for the past year:

What's cooking at the Chesapeake city jail?

Spectators couldn't help but wonder about that last week as they gawked at Ryan Frederick during his capital murder trial.

I mean, how often does an inmate pack on about 60 pounds behind bars?

Comparing photos of the skinny soft-drink delivery guy who was arrested a year ago to the chipmunk-cheeked defendant in the too-small suit was a lot like looking at before-and-after photos from a Jenny Craig ad.

Ha! A dead cop, crappy police work, prosecutorial misconduct, and a likely innocent man putting on weight because he's been confined to a small jail cell for more than a year while waiting to see if he'll be spending the rest of his life in prison–that's comedy gold!

There is apparently a point behind Dougherty's fat jokes, though it's a ridiculous one.

On Thursday, prosecutors tried to focus attention on Frederick's weight, hinting that the beefy 29-year-old might have kept thin in the past by abusing drugs that cause weight loss. The prosecution posed hypothetical questions to an expert witness about whether cessation of methamphetamines or cocaine might result in rapid weight gain.

You know what else could cause weight gain? Spending 23 hours per day in 9 by 12 foot cell–for more than a year.

Dougherty's next sentence assumes her readers are absolute idiots:

He said his overeating is stress-related, yet conceded that stress on the night of the shooting caused him to vomit several times.

Yes, that's quite the contradiction, Ms. Dougherty. Clearly, Frederick isn't lying about gaining weight. And as we saw and heard in yesterday's videos, he isn't lying about vomiting during his police interrogations on the night of the raid. So I guess Dougherty's implication here is that Frederick is lying about why he gained wait–that he wasn't stressed about spending the rest of life in prison or remorse for ending Shivers' life. Rather, he was just feasting on vending machine food in celebration and satisfaction at his kill. Oh, and he can't help but himself now that his appetite is no longer suppressed by all the cocaine and/or meth he was taking (an accusation for which there is zero evidence, other than the preposterous link to Frederick's weight gain).

I hate to waste words explaining the obvious, but Dougherty apparently requires it: We react differently to different stressors. It's not at all difficult to see how the immediate stress and adrenalin rush that would come with having just having your home raided and realizing you'd just killed a cop might cause one to vomit while, later, the stress and monotony of wasting away in a jail cell for a year while awaiting your fate might cause one to seek comfort in food that tastes good.

I actually hadn't read about this line of questioning from the prosecution in the trial coverage, but it's typically galling:

"You're not exactly wasting away from regret and remorse now, are you?" snapped prosecutor James Willett, who then flashed an image of skinny Frederick in an orange jumpsuit on a screen. With the thin Frederick towering over the chubby one, Willett told Frederick to rise, open his jacket and turn sideways.

It's not enough that they're trying to railroad the guy, they have to embarrass and insult him, too.

I guess if there's an upside to this insanity, it's that if the law-and-order crowd has nothing left but fat jokes, they must be starting to realize just how shabby the state's case against Frederick really is.

Let's hope the jury does, too.

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NEXT: Audio, Video of Ryan Frederick Police Interviews Taken Shortly After Deadly Raid

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  1. “You’re not exactly wasting away from regret and remorse now, are you?” snapped prosecutor James Willett, who then flashed an image of skinny Frederick in an orange jumpsuit on a screen. With the thin Frederick towering over the chubby one, Willett told Frederick to rise, open his jacket and turn sideways.

    Wow, that’s…just wow.

    And the defense council…objected, I fucking hope?

  2. The US press: government enablers since 1791!

  3. Have you ever eaten jail food? It’s usually the cheapest and fattiest to be had, and usually fried. The criminal justice system clearly regards jail food as part of the sentence, perhaps even as a slow, covert capital penalty.

  4. Kerry Dougherty, (757) 446-2306, kerry.dougherty@cox.net

  5. Newspaper columnist making preposterous arguments against her enemies? Meh. Par for the course.

    Prosecutor making preposterous arguments in a murder trial, and the judge allowing it to be entered into evidence? Now that’s a problem.

  6. What the fuck is the justification for keeping him in solitary? Oh, that’s right–to punish him.

    I hate, hate, hate the police.

  7. I hate the whole fucking human race.

  8. From the article:

    The jurors in this case have plenty to ponder. The senseless death of a police officer in the line of duty. The deadly actions of a defendant who says he feared for his life. The testimony of sketchy witnesses.

    And now this: Frederick’s jailhouse weight gain.

    This has to be intentional irony. Doesn’t it?

  9. Episiarch,

    I’ve got no idea why they’re keeping him in solitary. It definitely doesn’t help the prosecution. I mean, if he were in the general population their jailhouse snitches’ stories wouldn’t seem as much of a stretch.

  10. Maybe it’s just me, but I would be so offended by such a cheap, insulting stunt that i’d turn against the proseutuor.

  11. I’ve got no idea why they’re keeping him in solitary. It definitely doesn’t help the prosecution.

    Their moronic desire for revenge screws their bigger attempt at revenge. Excellent. If cops weren’t so fucking stupid we’d all be in a lot worse shape.

  12. “So I guess Dougherty’s implication here is that Frederick is lying about why he gained wait

  13. http://www.slate.com/id/2083612/

    Dorfman explains that overeating, hoarding, and what she calls Night Eating Syndrome are a real problem and a significant cause of dramatic weight gain among prisoners she has counseled. “We found that most inmates gain an enormous amount of weight when they first arrive in an institution. They tend to be depressed, lonely, and stressed out and alienated from loved ones,” says Dorfman. “It’s kind of like being in college your first semester.”

  14. What a pain in the ass it is to register to post a comment on that site. Here’s hoping mine went through.

  15. In case it didn’t, I’ll post it here before clearing out my cache:

    The man has spent 23 out of every 24 hours locked in a tiny cell, dealing with the stress of knowing he might spend the rest of his life that way. Yet you act surprised that he’s gained weight? Ryan Frederick had no record of violence; had the police chosen to knock on his door and serve a daytime warrant rather than stage a middle-of-the-night raid, Shivers would be alive today. Tell the Chesapeake police to stop using burglars as informants. Tell them not to stage home invasions against people who are jumpy because their home was burgled by an informant a couple of days before.

    People like you make me ashamed to admit I’m a journalist.

  16. It’s kind of like being in college your first semester.

    …except for the torrid sex every night after chemistry lab.

  17. in all the courts i’ve ever been in, which is quite a few, only the judge can order a defendant to stand up, open his coat and turn sideways. the prosecutor breached courtroom decorum by issuing this order himself, and the judges i know would have slammed him for it.

  18. Jesus, what a snotty little twat. Ryan’s locked up in a cell for defending his life, denied bail, and that bitch wants to pretend she’s writing a celebrity gossip column about someone’s weight? What’s wrong, couldn’t she get one of those gigs where she writes snide comments about Brittany Spears or Oprah Winfrey?

    Is that broad having an affair with someone in the DAs office or something?

    -jcr

  19. I hate to waste words explaining the obvious, but Dougherty apparently requires it

    While likely wasted on Dougherty, there’s a chance they’re not wasted on whoever reads her.

  20. Sort of related to the media critiquing a defendant’s weight, I just blogged yesterday about some CNN anchors obsessing over a defendant’s hair and facial expressions.

    http://highclearing.com/index.php/archives/2009/02/01/9122

    The case in question is of course different, and that defendant probably is guilty, but I’d like it if the case for guilt wasn’t made on the basis of “OMG! Look at her hair. And she totally smiled at that person!” That’s the sort of talk we expect at slumber parties.

  21. That’s what I thought. Where is the judge in all of this? It the reporting is true the judge seems like a clone of Judge Ito. He just lets all kinds of over the line stuff go through. Now about the people saying he’s trapped in a small cell you can do pushups etc. for exercise so that is really kind of irrelevant.

  22. What a fucking cunt! I hope she gets sodomized by a plunger handle during a “routine” police stop.

    Inspired by Jamie Kelly

  23. The prosecution’s purpose isn’t to convince a jury that Frederick’s guilty. They know that already. He is, after all, a defendant.

    So they’re inviting the jury to revel in the destruction of this guy, to feel like they’re on the winning team, not just a prop in the halftime show. A little look at fatty-fat-fat, in that context, is just right.

    Good prosecutor. Knows his job.

  24. And the defense council…objected, I fucking hope?

    Object to the DA making a complete ass of himself?

    Could even be worth bringing up in closing arguments: “And what does the DA have, after his case has been shredded by the facts? Fat jokes.”

    -jcr

  25. I’m going to pull a massive threadjack (because I am a dick, and because this woman doesn’t even deserve consideration) and ask:

    SPOILERS

    How the fuck did we go from “oh noes Earth is destroyed” to Felix Gaeta leading an insurrection? There wasn’t a single god damn word about Earth in the most recent episode.

    Maybe it’s just me but the writers seem to be careening wildly from subject to subject because they know they only have X number of episodes left.

  26. Does anyone know if the jury can consider lesser charges? It seems to me that the charge should be manslaughter,i.e. negligent homicide. I think he did fire in self defense but he also shot through a door so… I don’t know. Anyone know the relevant law?

  27. Epi — agreed. I’ll concede that I enjoyed most of the episode when viewed as a unit unto itself, but they clearly had no idea what to do with the long-term plot after Earth.

  28. 1) Buy a newspaper. The NYT should be available for less than the cost of McDonald’s franchise in another year or so.
    2) Have some clueless headhunter call Dougherty to set up an interview
    3) Let her think she’s going to get a far better job than she deserves
    4) Send her a last-minute rejection letter, citing her behavior w/r/t Ryan, noting that it indicates a complete lack of journalistic integrity, and that after the likes of Duranty and Blair, the NYT would have to be nuts to employ her.

  29. How the fuck did we go from “oh noes Earth is destroyed” to Felix Gaeta leading an insurrection? There wasn’t a single god damn word about Earth in the most recent episode.

    One follows from the other.
    Confidence in leadership, gone.
    Need for the alliance with the Cylons, no longer apparent to most.
    Despair, old grudges come to the surface, rage, etc. etc. You get the point.

    BTW, did you see the “Gaeta getting headfucked by an eight” webisodes? That might help a little.

  30. Does anyone know if the jury can consider lesser charges?

    No, that’s up to the prosecutor, not the jury. If there are multiple counts in the indictment, the jury could find someone guilty for some counts and not others, though.

    -jcr

  31. Is that broad having an affair with someone in the DAs office or something?

    Yes. Suck up to the cops and the enabling DAs and they’ll call you first when the sensational crime goes down. “Exclusive in the Virginian-Pilot!” sells papers and certainly doesn’t hinder career advancement.

    Question their methods, conclusions or competence and expect to never again be called upon at a news conference.

    IOW, Duh!

  32. Posting here accomplishes little if anything. Writing to the author of that little obscenity may also be futile, but you’ll feel better in taking the time. I did, and I do.

  33. People like you make me ashamed to admit I’m a journalist.

    FTW!

  34. Gaeta getting headfucked by an eight

    Grace Park is a ten in my book!

    -jcr

  35. Kerry Dougherty is probably sucking up to the police in order to protect her access to the police and prosecutors. Anyone in power, from the local cops to foreign tyrants can control the media by simply by refusing to talk them or let them operate in their jurisdicitons.

    The Soviets, Saddam Hussein, the Chinese and various Palestinian factions etc have all used the method. Journalist have an economic necessity to tell some kind of story however inaccurate. They make more money inaccurately reporting from city hall/despots capital than they do in reporting accurately from the sideline. Easten Jorden of CNN famously once explained how journalist sucked up to Saddam in order to keep from being tossed out of the country.

    Local public officials have no legal responsibility to speak to any particular reporter and they definitely have no responsibility to provide off the record details or to give out tips that can lead to lucrative scoops. Journalist soon learn which side of the bread is buttered.

    The authorities in Chesapeake have no doubt let it be known that they will regard any real reporting on the incident as a betrayal that will lead to the lock out of the offending journalist.

  36. Grace Park is a ten in my book!

    ROFL!

  37. BTW, did you see the “Gaeta getting headfucked by an eight” webisodes? That might help a little.

    No. Having content–especially meaningful content–outside of the series just pisses me off. I don’t like watching TV on my 16, or even my 22 inch, screen. I like watching it on my big HD TV.

    Despair, old grudges come to the surface, rage, etc. etc. You get the point.

    Sure, but wouldn’t it have happened before now? The initial alliance with the cylons seems like a more realistic time.

    I just don’t see where they are going to go with this. It’ll take multiple episodes to resolve, and then what are we left with? If this was going to happen it should have happened earlier.

  38. “Could even be worth bringing up in closing arguments: “And what does the DA have, after his case has been shredded by the facts? Fat jokes.”

    I thought the same thing. In fact, the cruelty of the remark should be stressed during closing. I have seen prosecutors resort to remarkable tactics to score points with a jury, but this is gratuitous and easily turned against the state.

  39. Episiarch,

    You are helping me to validate my decision to stop watching after the second season.

  40. I’m going to pull a massive threadjack because I am a dick

    Evidently.

  41. Naga, I got through about 10 episodes of the second season before giving up.

  42. Bingo,

    I had bought the DVD and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to get my money’s worth!

  43. Why did you fall out in the second season? I don’t get it.

  44. Spoilers
    ..

    ..

    ..
    How the fuck did we go from “oh noes Earth is destroyed” to Felix Gaeta leading an insurrection? There wasn’t a single god damn word about Earth in the most recent episode.

    The webisodes illuminate his transition

    further spoilers if you don’t want to view them (10 which make up a little over 1/2 hour total)

    ..

    ..

    turns out that while Gaeta was on New Caprica doing his dual role as aide de camp and mole for the resistance putting stuff under the dog dish, he thought he also was working with one of the boomers (whom he thought was on his side) to spring some of resistance members or other ‘disappeared persons’ out of prison.

    Turns out the boomer was using it as a death list and Gaeta was the anti-schindler. So now, with this on top of being a morphine addicted gimp tangentially due to the cylons, he’s now radically anti cylon. And has used to morale busting find of a failed earth to whip up half the crew in an anti cylon hard line.

    Gaeta also got the ghey, but that doesn’t have much to do with anything; the growing gonads is more important, and somewhat believable, even if it is a rather radical change.

  45. ..

    end of spoilers

  46. I’m going to pull a massive threadjack (because I am a dick, and because this woman doesn’t even deserve consideration) and ask:

    SPOILERS

    How the fuck…

    If you are going to threadjack, a generic SPOILERS is not sufficient, you need to explain spoilers to what since none of us have any fucking idea what the subject of the following lines are going to be.

  47. Epi,

    I read your statement as “Why do you persist in your horrid blasphemies?”.

    To much foreshadowing. Coherent plot please. I don’t need them cutting back and forth to generate interest. I just get bored and apathetic.

  48. Epi,

    A good example would be “War and Peace” by Tolstoy. Fucktards from 50 pages back suddenly make an entrance then fade out, then suddenly appear 50 more pages later. I felt like I was reading one of those damn novels were you get to choose the story. “If you decide to check the room, go to page 87. If you decide to yell out Fuck This Shit and run out of the house, go to page 190.”

  49. If you are going to threadjack, a generic SPOILERS is not sufficient

    Sorry, should have said BSG SPOILERS.

    Naga, I don’t care if you dropped out or not, I was just curious why you did it after watching a whole season.

  50. To much foreshadowing. Coherent plot please. I don’t need them cutting back and forth to generate interest. I just get bored and apathetic.

    Like most long arc shows, BSG benefits greatly from compressing the time wait between episodes. I had missed basically an entire season and then Hulu came online and I got to watch them back-to-back, and everything is crystal clear. I’d forgotten how excruciating waiting a week for an hour of TV is.

    ——-

    The only thing I really wanna know that I don’t have any good guesses at is, given Leoben’s complete freak-out panic moment at the end of the first episode of the season…what exactly *was* he expecting to see in that cockpit instead?

  51. what exactly *was* he expecting to see in that cockpit instead?

    I honestly think they are writing by the seat of their pants and they may not even know where they are going with this stuff.

    But, if they do, I’d say he expected to see…nothing.

  52. But, if they do, I’d say he expected to see…nothing.

    If that were true, then he would have freaked before he saw the dog-tags. But he didn’t.

  53. Epi,

    Oh, you care. You care.

  54. Jesus Christ, Nadal won again? Roger, the Catalan has you cold, dude.

  55. Epi:

    It was just really boring compared to the 1st season and it didn’t seem like any progress was being made in the story arc. 10 episodes was enough for me.

  56. Later, people. Gotta get to work.

    GO CARDINALS!!!

  57. It was just really boring compared to the 1st season and it didn’t seem like any progress was being made in the story arc. 10 episodes was enough for me.

    BSG (MILD, OLD) SPOILERS

    If you bailed after 2-10, which I think is right before the Michelle Forbes arc, you gave up when you were about to see some of the best episodes of the series.

    After that wraps up after two or three episodes, I think, feel free to skip to 2-18 or 2-19, wherever the New Caprica story really begins. Watch that and its immediate aftermath until about 3-06, then you can safely give up. (I did enjoy the first half of season four, but I don’t think they know how to follow through on it.)

  58. then you can safely give up.

    I would actually recommend starting third from the end of third season, so you don’t miss Romo Lampkin.

  59. Kerry Doherty sounds like one of those fake American Voices names the Onion uses to poke fun at Reason writers.

  60. so you don’t miss Romo Lampkin

    The trial was one of the high points of the entire series. Badger is a damn good actor.

  61. Kerry Dougherty

    And she’s making fat jokes?!

  62. Badger is a damn good actor.

    He followed in his daddy’s footsteps.

  63. Sort of related to the media critiquing a defendant’s weight, I just blogged yesterday about some CNN anchors obsessing over a defendant’s hair and facial expressions.

    Try living in Orlando. The local TV news has had something on the Anthony family for about 5 minutes every half hour. Every day. If you want actual local news, you have to mute it out and wait.

    I was impressed once when one station actually mentioned that Casey Anthony hadn’t been convicted yet, and that conviction was a requirement before she could be found guilty. Then they went directly into some inane aspect of the case – her past friends, or how she was “coy” when (recorded) talking to her parents when they visited the jail.

    The latest has been how the father has recently had some emotional issues after the child’s remains were found (imagine that!). The channel I was watching stated how they were going to give the family some privacy by removing the TV vans from in front of their house, and then proceeded to state there would be updates at 6 and 11. Whee.

  64. Look at this Kerry Dougherty cunt’s picture, and notice that she’s kind of doing the Myspace fat chick look-up pose. I think she’s jealous that Ryan gets all the donuts he wants.

    Speaking of worthless fat sacks of shit, who else wants Ben Roethlisberger to die on the field tonight? I mean literally die. Show of hands.

  65. I skipped to the end of the comments, so I apologize if someone else caught that Ryan was a drink delivery person. If I’m correct, that’s pretty physical labor. You have to load up the dolly’s and pull cases of drinks off a truck and haul them inside to your customer.

    That may not make you a world champion fighter or anything, but it sure as heck will keep you in shape. I’m a pretty big guy and in decent shape, but I’d bet that I’d lose a few pounds if that were my job – and I don’t sit in a small cell all day.

    I guess we should be mad that he doesn’t spend 3 hours a day running in place, doing crunches and hammering out push-ups. [sarcasm/] Pretty clearly, that’s a sign he’s guilty. [/sarcasm]

  66. Quote from Kerry Dougherty: On Thursday, prosecutors tried to focus attention on Frederick’s weight, hinting that the beefy 29-year-old might have kept thin in the past by abusing drugs that cause weight loss. The prosecution posed hypothetical questions to an expert witness about whether cessation of methamphetamines or cocaine might result in rapid weight gain.

    So, Ms. Dougherty, from the photo that accompanies your column, it appears that you may be a bit ‘beefy’ yourself. This piques my curiosity, and I feel justified in posing a similar hypothetical question. Is it possible that you have recently come off whatever it is that kept your weight down? Is it possible that might result in your weight gain?

    … hint… hint…

  67. On a related story to the main post topic, Officer Johannes Mehserle (the BART cop who shot Oscar Grant) has been granted bail ($3M), but as far as I can tell his family hasn’t posted it yet. There were protests even without Mehserle’s actual released. Eight were arrested.

    story

  68. To kill Big Ben’s now,
    would fail, no Card hits worse than,
    a motorcycle

    Go Steelers!

  69. 62 minutes to kick-off. Today, for once, I have placed the concenrs of LIBERTY on hold.

    Warty-

    I am rooting for the Cards, but-describing Big Ben as “a worthless, fat sack of shit”?

    Elemenope-

    I know that you are not a big sports fan. However, I must point out that some of the more astute contributors to Hit & Run who post cogent, well reasoned arguments, suddenly become inarticulate, irrational yahoos when it comes to sports observations and arguments. For example, Fluffy, of all people, has reduced himself to characterizing Brett Favre as “he sucks”.

    Last week I called you a language scold. Well, I am a scold when it comes to sports observation, opinion and argument. Many times logic and resaon just vanish from the minds of the brightest of guys when it comes to matters of sport.

    Please forgive this rant. I just have had an “argument” with a friend (yes, he is already inebriated) concerning Shannon Sharpe. He did not get voted into the Hall of Fame in yesterday’s balloting. The guy, when he retired, led all tight ends, in the history of the NFL, in touchdowns and receptions. He played on three Super Bowl winners. Yet, my friend, an ardent Patriots fan, is screaiming that the guy was “overrated” and that he was “lucky” because he had John Elway throwing him the ball for his first 9 seasons in the league. My friend said, besides, he “could never forgive him for mocking the Patriots”. This was a reference to a 1996 game in which the Broncos routed the Pats at the old Foxboro Stadium and where Sharpe, late in the 4th quarter, from the sidelines, grabbed one of the phones and pretended to call the President seeking to have the Foxboro area and the New England Patriots be declared a disaster area. The whole scene was captured by NFL Films. My friend actually thinks that is a justifiable reason to exclude Sharpe from the Hall of Fame.

  70. However, I must point out that some of the more astute contributors to Hit & Run who post cogent, well reasoned arguments, suddenly become inarticulate, irrational yahoos when it comes to sports observations and arguments.

    I feel no need to exhibit reason in cases when the outcome ultimately doesn’t affect our lives.

    Fuck the Cards. Fuck Whisenhunt.

    Go Steelers!

  71. President Masih ad-Dajjal Obama is rooting for the Godless Pittsburgh Steelers while I , and presumably Jesus are pulling for Kurt Warner and the Arizona Cardinals. Let the Final Battle commence.

  72. I am rooting for the Cards, but-describing Big Ben as “a worthless, fat sack of shit”?

    To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln: if Ben Roethlisberger is not a sack of shit, then there is no such thing as a sack of shit. Seriously, fuck that portly goateed white trash hillbilly motherfucker. Fuck him in a gaping throat wound.

  73. PFJ, Warty, PFJ

  74. People’s front of Judea?

  75. Is there some sort of football game, today?

  76. Play for Jesus. He got in trouble for putting on his cleats a few years back.

  77. I think it’s tennis, P.

  78. What a fucking cunt! I hope she gets sodomized by a plunger handle during a “routine” police stop.

    Not out of any primitive desire to punish her, mind you, but merely to determine how she reacts to stress. (She’d of course also have to be kept imprisoned in a small room for more than a year, but given access to all the junk food she wants.) It’s for science!

    (And prosecutor James Willett could use a little scientific experimentation along the same lines.)

  79. I’m relieved to discover that this fat whore is someone otherwise unknown to us, because my first reaction was, “Kerry Howley married Brian Dougherty?!?”

  80. I think it’s tennis, P.

    Yeah, Warty, what is your problem with Nadal? He’s an amazing player. The guy, like, never makes errors. Crazy shit.

  81. Don’t know anything about tennis, but I’m pretty sure Lonewacko wouldn’t like a guy named Nadal.

  82. What is that, Portugese or something? HE TUK MUH JERB

  83. He’s Catalan, you fucking racist pig. How are your Cardinals doing? Who names their team after a totally gay bird?

  84. Hey, my team is named after either its first coach or excrement, depending on who you ask. I won’t defend the Bidwells. And I won’t defend my shitty team, either. Mangini? Really?

    Wait, did you just call my state’s bird totally gay? This ain’t over, fuckbag. This ain’t over.

  85. Why isn’t Michael Phelps in jail?

    And what is the IOC waiting for? Avery Brundage would have already banned Phelps for life and stripped him of his medals.

  86. And I won’t defend my shitty team, either. Mangini? Really?

    From Hartford, CT, of all places.

    Wait, did you just call my state’s bird totally gay? This ain’t over, fuckbag. This ain’t over.

    Channeling Bronson doesn’t scare me, dude. I’ve seen The Evil That Men Do.

    “Hey ma, can I get some cookies?”

    “No dice.”

    “This ain’t over.”

  87. Oh fuck, the Jurassic Rock half-time show is starting. What the hell is wrong with these people? Maybe Courtney Cox could run on the stage with The Boss. Yeah, that’s modern and cool!

  88. The second comment I posted on that vile column has been held for moderation for several hours, so I guess it didn’t make the cut. I’ll re-post it here for posterity’s sake:

    ***

    Kerry, if you resign your position at the Pilot and get a job doing public relations for the police department, you can write the exact same columns, you’ll probably make more money, AND you will be a credit rather than a disgrace to your chosen profession. Thomas Jefferson said a press but no government is better than a government but no press; he didn’t say that because he liked the idea of “journalists” serving as cheerleaders for corrupt people in positions of power. Journalists should defend the innocent, not make fat jokes about them.

    On the bright side, the fact that the prosecution has to resort to making fat jokes suggests that even THEY know, deep down, that this is a dog of a case.

  89. Nice, Jennifer.

  90. Warty, I bought that album as a kid on vacation with my family in Gettysburg. Since I had a vinyl collection, I (of course) had to buy it on vinyl and not cassette, but that meant I couldn’t listen to it until I got home.

  91. “The second comment I posted on that vile column has been held for moderation for several hours, so I guess it didn’t make the cut. I’ll re-post it here for posterity’s sake:”

    Guess again. 😉

  92. Just read all the comments there. There seem to be a few sane readers around after all.

  93. Vinyl? Goddamn, you’re old, Epi.

  94. Kurt Warner’s wife looks a lot better now that she grew her hair out and doesn’t look like an old man.

  95. Fuck you, old man. I guarantee you’re older than me.

    Holy shit, the Cardinals just earned it. Fitzgerald’s run in was 100% GOLD.

  96. Holy shit! Has anyone ever thrown two 60+ yard TD passes in a Super Bowl? How many have even thrown one?

  97. To clarify that last comment, I mean in any Super Bowl during their career, and also anyone besides Warner, who threw a ~75 yard TD pass to Isaac Bruce for the Rams, redeeming a couple decades of franchise shittiness. Come to think of it, he’s doing the same thing for Arizona right now, although even more dramatically, since it’s many more decades for them.

  98. Fuckin’ A. I’ve never hated an ex-Buckeye like I hate Santonio Holmes.

  99. Fuck the whole fucking alphabet. Fucking Steelers. Fucking Cardinals defense, letting them move down the field like that after a whole game of mostly solid defense.

  100. Whoops. Too soon, I guess.

  101. Damn, that was a helluva last few minutes. Fucking Steelers. Warner has thrown for something like 37,000 yards total in his three Super Bowls, but that interception at the end of the first half was sure a kick in the nads.

  102. Yay, dudes! Steelers and Obama in one year, what a year!

  103. I want to point out now no bandwagoners here: I was posting my support for the Steelers here way back.

    Hell yeah!

    Props to Arizona though, they earned a great deal of respect today.

  104. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    Dammit, dammit, dammit!
    ARRRRRGH!

  105. Excuse me while I drink myself into oblivion.

    They had it, and then they fucked up.

    Dammit.

  106. Yeah Epi, that halftime show sucked donkey-dick.

    Did anyone not see Glory Days as the last song of the set? If so, you are now officially legally blind.

  107. Ben should have been the MVP though.

  108. The funniest part of this is seeing Matt Millen offering his opinions like anyone would listen to anything he says. Hey Matt, O called. O and 16.

  109. Aw, who am I kidding? Nothing turns out right.
    Ever. Where the hell is my flask?

  110. The Evil that Men Do had the first lesbian scene in a film I had ever seen in my life in it.

    It will always have a place in my heart for that reason.

  111. Mmmmmm. Beer.

  112. MNG, you have a surprising repertoire. Kudos.

    Honestly, the Cardinals deserved it. Bummer.

  113. The universe is rigged against me.

  114. Oh c’mon economist, this is a good ending. The Steelers get rewarded for turning the most difficult schedule in decades into the second best record in the AFC, and the Cardinals shut up everyone who said they didn’t deserve to be there. Everyone won tonight.

    Well, except the Cardinals 😉

  115. I can’t stand it! And now I’m going to have to go to work tomorrow and hear all about it.

  116. MNG,
    No, after that, I’m afraid the world now seems a dark and forbidding place. I’m going to sleep now.

  117. Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory is always the most painful.

  118. Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory is always the most painful.

    A fellow Browns fan?

  119. “MNG, you have a surprising repertoire.”

    Testify dude!

    I can’t believe no one picked up on my “wave motion gun” reference during the last TNG thread the other day. Certainly someone else used to watch that show!

    Hint: Yamamoto

  120. Look, the important thing is that the Ravens were stopped.

    Really. Ray Lewis, 2-time MVP? That’s one of the signs of the end of the world.

    I hate the Ravens more than anything in the universe.

  121. Oh c’mon yourself, MNG – AZ clearly outplayed Pittsburgh, and barring a ton of penalties and an incredibly improbable (but totally amazing to watch) play at the end of the first half they’d have had the game, and the bizarre decision not to even review that last play wouldn’t have mattered (not that it really did matter, realistically; there’s only so much crazy shit you can pack into a single game).

    I’ll certainly give you that it was a pretty amazing ending, if not a good one. Fucking Steelers. Fuck fuck fuckity doublefuck fuck.

    PS – fucking shit fucking fuck.

  122. I hate the Ravens more than anything in the universe.

    When they nuked Baltimore in The Sum of All Fears, I cheered. Fuck Art Modell and Team Murder.

  123. Testify dude!

    Phag. Honestly, the Cardinals deserved it. The Steelers stole it from under them.

  124. Dude the Cards had all the momentum and the lead and Ben just lead his guys down and won the game when they had to, as they’ve done pretty much all year.

  125. That’s what the Steelers do, Epi. They’re scum, especially Hines Cheapshot Ward.

  126. “That’s what the Steelers do, Epi.”

    Brother, when a team does that all the time that’s not scum, that’s heart and professionalism.

  127. Can anyone here tell me why economist curled into a ball and went into catatonia?

  128. that’s heart and professionalism.

    Scum, I says. And don’t call me brother, guy.

  129. Don’t tell me what people do, you homo. I know what people do. How dare you!

  130. “that’s heart and professionalism.”

    That’s true.

    Oh, and also…EVIL!!!!

  131. I am with Episiarch on this one. The officiating was entirely one-sided until the fourth quarter, and I can count at least five penalties that were called on very specious grounds.

    Worst. Superbowl. Ever. The NFL needs to reign in the officials and the penalty schemes very soon, or it’s going to end up a kritarchy.

    I say this as someone who was rooting (lightly) for the Steelers.

  132. When they nuked Baltimore in The Sum of All Fears, I cheered. Fuck Art Modell and Team Murder.

    Can’t fault the sentiment, but it was a Super Bowl in Denver (!?), not Baltimore, that gets nuked in The Sum of All Fears.

  133. And don’t call me brother, guy.

    I’m not your guy, buddy.

  134. If by homo you mean lesbian, then here I stand, I can do no other.

  135. Arizona got a lot of penalties, but I don’t remember any that were egregiously bad calls. Often when a team is overmatched they commit a great deal of penalties.

  136. All Browns fans aren’t even human. Why are we talking to you?

  137. “All Browns fans aren’t even human.”

    Epi, masochists are still human.

  138. TAO,

    The officiating was one-sided the entire game. For some reason, for the first three quarters it was all Steelers and then in the fourth it was all Cardinals. I don’t know which was worse–the Roughing the Passer call on the Cards or the Holding in the End Zone on the Steelers.

    I still can’t believe they didn’t review the last fumble on Warner. Should have been an incomplete pass.

  139. Cleveland is a nice city. I stayed right near the Rock n Roll museum once and my wife and I went to a bitching Brazillian restaurant where the people brought all these different kinds of meat around and carved some off for you if you wanted it. It was great.

  140. The “incidental face mask” penalty should have been called on both sides and been offset.

    The roughing the passer penalty was pretty egregious…and I guess by that I mean is that an individual’s unstoppable physical motion should not be held against him. Only in slow motion did that look like a good call.

  141. Hey they took Ben’s first touchdown away, what more do you want?

  142. BTW, how were the commercials this year? I saw the international feed which cycled through the same four commercials and (I shit you not) “highlights” from past years’ World’s Strongest Man Competitions.

  143. MNG – was it Brasa Grill or Sergio Sarava?

    I don’t know which was worse–the Roughing the Passer call on the Cards or the Holding in the End Zone on the Steelers.

    I vote the Roughing the Passer, but the “Hold” that either should have been nothing or Pass Interference was pretty stupid too.

    Like I said, the officiating was completely fucking haywire this game, and it made the Super Bowl nigh-on unwatchable.

  144. The roughing penalty was close, but that’s a common call in the NFL where they coddle the QB’s.

    It’s also not uncommon for a ball carrier to not be called for a face mask during a stiff arm. The problem there was getting rid of the incidental/personal foul distinction in the NFL.

  145. I’m with you on that one, MNG. They need to bring back the 5/15 yard distinction, and I want the halo back, too.

    Those are the two worst rule changes I’ve witnessed.

  146. Can’t fault the sentiment, but it was a Super Bowl in Denver (!?), not Baltimore, that gets nuked in The Sum of All Fears.

    In the movie, it was Baltimore.

    Also, “kritarchy”. Good word, dad to look that one up. But isn’t baseball already this way with balls and strikes? Same with how fouls and travelling are (or are not) called in basketball. Arguably the only major sport that isn’t ruled by it’s referees is soccer.

  147. The face mask penalty was brutal, but that is the way they call the game in the NFL. Face masking and pass interference are two areas where they let the offensive player get away with things that they don’t let the defensive player get away with.

  148. “Brasa Grill” I think. They gave you these cards that were red on one side, green on another. If you kept the green side up they kept bringing you food, if you flipped it over they let you be. It was great.

    We literally walked from where we were staying to the place. Cleveland seemed amazingly clean and safe.

    The defensive holding call was a bit weak. I kind of thought he interefered with the guy by coming over his head, but if what they were calling was that slight second bumping/jersey grab, that was pretty weak I admit!

    I thought the Cards held number 56 (Woodley) all night and rarely got caught though.

  149. Ditto on the halo rule. That was a strange move, what was the NFL’s reasoning on that one anyway?

  150. they should have reviewed that last Card play.

  151. From ESPN.com:
    Penalties: Pitt-7-56, Ariz.-11-106
    Passing Yards: Pitt-234, Ariz. 374
    Rushing Yards: Pitt-58, Ariz.-33

    Hey, that does look kinda bad…

  152. “they should have reviewed that last Card play.”

    Yes, but the game was over at that point.

  153. No clue what the reasoning was, but the new rule sucks. We saw the fruits of that rule tonight, where you either call a fair catch or get creamed before you even get the ball in your hands.

    I thought the NFL would go the other way and eliminate the fair catch and just make the halo three yards, which would prevent choppiness in the game play, but instead we’re going to have constant timeouts every time there’s a punt.

  154. It surprises me because it doesn’t fit with the trend of rules being more protective of folks seen to be in a vulnerable position.

    I’m guessing their reasoning on the incidental face mask/personal foul thing is that it leaves too much up to the refs discretion. But sometimes there plainly seems to be a grab that is purely incidental and others there is clearly what would be considered a personal foul going on.

    I’d like to see the NFL go to the college one foot in bounds rule on receptions.

  155. PB wonders Is there some sort of football game, today?

    Yes, Liverpool did smite the dogs from Chelsea.

  156. Well, gotta sleep, but in closing let me say what a year! First Obama and the Dems big win in Congress and now the Steelers turning the most difficult schedule in decades into a Super Bowl winning season.

    Maybe there is a God, I’ll have to look into it more. Maybe I’ll come back here soon and be indistinguishable from Mad Max.

  157. Maybe there is a God

    and maybe not or maybe more than one

    That is my Faith and I’m sticking to it.

  158. You know whats funny about this steelers have the hardest schedule? that was based on when the Browns and Bengals weren’t 4-12. They had a tough schedule, toughest in the playoffs though it wasnt as brutal as they make it out to be

  159. Damn that was poorly written.

    Hopefully you know what i mean.

  160. Fuck Art Modell and Team Murder.

    I’ll second that.

  161. “He’s fat so he must be guilty.”
    This is the kind of thing thats earned the legal professions the high esteem in which they are held.

  162. Back on topic… Kerry Dougherty’s column is basically harmless fluff. She’s on track to be the Pilot’s resident Curmudgeonly Local Interest Writer in a decade or so. About a year ago one of her main continuing issues was some dude kept leaving photos of his junk next to her car.

  163. DO NOT call or e-mail the columnist with insults. They feed on that stuff.

  164. FWIW, a friend works at the Pilot (not as a reporter), and he says the paper is in deep trouble. Which doesn’t mean Dougherty’s job will disappear, but we can hope…

  165. This is one of those rare occasions where the “c” word is fully justified.

  166. Kerry Dougherty is married to a judge.

  167. We need a cabinet level position of constitutional defender with a large attorney staff dedicated to prosecuting cops, prosecutors and judges under the federal criminal civil right statutes 18 USC 241, 242.

    Time for change Pres. Obama.

    — scott huminski

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