It's Getting Hard for the Porn Industry

TMZ reports that porn moguls Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are asking the government for a $5 billion bailout, citing a 22 percent drop in DVD sales last year.

I'd guess that has more to do with the abundance of free porn on the Internet than the credit crunch.

In any case, I will now take this opportunity to open the comments section to bad puns incorporating pornography and Congressional bailouts.

Comments

[sage]

I could just see the money shot on CSPAN now.

[Stretchy]

I think the porn industry is more deserving.

[J sub D]

It's Getting Hard for the Porn Industry

Looking at the "sensuosness" of the leading ladies in the biz, I figger Viagra is the only possible answer.

[Warty]

This isn't such a shock. Larry Flynt knows how to hustle, after all.

[Elemenope]

I think the porn industry is more deserving.

Indeed. Porn makes people happy, and mortgage payments make people sad. It really is a no-brainer.

Cue Mad Max in 5...4...3...

[Other Matt]

I'd guess that has more to do with the abundance of free porn on the Internet than the credit crunch.

Obviously it's just a matter of a little bit more regulation. It's for our own good, you know.

[P Brooks]

We've been fluffing the hell out of the economy. Inflation is inevitable.

[Pi Guy]

I don't support any bailouts on principle. However, if we're going to dole out money, at least the porn industry has a business model that's been shown to work.

I don't know how many people are employed by the porn industry but I'll wager that that money is more likely to be paid back than the money loaned given to the Big 2.5 in Detroit. That, at least, should be a condition for getting free money.

[Warren]

Using the TARP to cover porn is hairy nuts. Porn prices are flaccid now only by comparison to their climax. But that was when we were over stimulated. It was only a matter of time before the bubble booty busted.

[ClubMedSux]

My concern is that if the government bails out the porn industry, it'll have some sort of oversight. The last thing we need is Larry Craig demanding that x% be used for anonymous gay public bathroom porn.

[Abdul]

Won't someone please think of the children?

You know, the fake ones in the hentai videos that won't get produced without bailout money,

[anarch]

A porn-again nation needs to be reworded by congress.

[Sam]

@J sub D: Now that the military's giving them all to Afghani tribal leaders as bribes, how're they gonna get to our boys in buff?

[The Wine Commonsewer]

TMZ reports that porn moguls Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are asking the government for a $5 billion bailout, citing a 22 percent drop in DVD sales last year.

Is this The Onion?

[mrk]

The bailout will be on the chests of the taxpayers.

[Pro Libertate]

I understand that the Federal Reserve is printing millions of pictures of naked women, creating an oversupply of porn. A nude bubble, if you will.

[Nigel Watt]

I understand that the Federal Reserve is printing millions of pictures of naked women, creating an oversupply of porn. A nude bubble, if you will.

Then it wouldn't be fiat currency anymore.

[SugarFree]

Yes. Shift our money supply to the Porn Standard. Just call me a pornbug.

[Cool Cal]

Having made "Nailin' Palin", Flynt failed to learn Hollywood's biggest lesson of the last eight years ... I guess no one wants to see political PORNOS either!

[Lefiti]

When will you libertards realize that the market is incapable of providing the kind of hard-core bukkake necessary to make us all feel exploited? Only the government can do that.

[zevatron]

mrk: game, set, and match.

[Cool Cal]

Or this might turn out like the end of "It's a Wonderful Life" ... every congressman and senator who's ever whacked off to Hustler will show up to Larry Flynt's house with a few hundred bucks.

[Cab]

A choked chicken in every pot.

[The Rambler]

It seems only natural considering the way our government (and our elected officials) prostitute's itself everyday. Prostitution was first, the porn industry should be next.

[Warren]

Or this might turn out like the end of "It's a Wonderful Life" ... every congressman and senator who's ever whacked off to Hustler will show up to Larry Flynt's house with a few hundred bucks.

Teacher says "Every time a bell rings, a has-been child actress does her first on-screen anal"

[Isaac Bartram]

Is it too late for Al Goldstein? He went broke in '04.

[Jefferson]

That's what I call a stimulus package.

[Franklin Harris]

Once again, I am in awe of Reason's penetrating coverage.

[Cab]

I wonder if there was a correlating 22% drop in new cases of blindness last year.

[Shessicole]

its always been hard in internet porn 😉

[someone old enough to think po]

Doesn't Congress already have its share of page-turners?

[David]

You asked for it:

This is just more foreplay to socialism.

Do we really wanna blow our load of tax payer money on another undeserved bailout?

What's with the orgy of businesses seeking handouts?

Seriously, I've already got the fists of congress plunged into my wallet for the big 3- I really don't think I can take another.

Fuck!

[Cab]

Something about this bailout smells fishy.

(ok, I'm done)

[mk]

Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are asking the government for a $5 billion bailout

Otherwise known as a "pro-state massage"

[Reinmoose]

If we didn't have fiat currency, they'd really be asking for a golden shower, wouldn't they?

I'm sorry

[Warty]

mk wins.

[Tym]

We can't let them be soft on porn.

[sage]

So the taxpayers are going to get yet another Dirty Sanchez, this time from folks that literally do that sort of thing for a living.

[JW]

Won't somebody please think of Ron Jeremy?

Really, it's so I don't have to. Ever.

[JW]

I told you this would happen! It's those unregulated GOGBS coming back to haunt us! (Girl On Girl Backed Securities)

[KD]

"It's getting hard for the porn industry."

... and the problem with "hard" is..?

[cunnivore]

Ron Jeremy is too big to fail.

We have to make sure we have a healthy and vibrant American porn industry. What if we went to war and were totally dependent on foreign-made bukkake videos?

Abstinence is not an option.

OK guys, that's all I got. I'm milked dry.

[Cab]

Ron Jeremy is too big to fail.

That was great.

[Cool Cal]

100 Senators,

1 Cup.

[Mike Hunt]

why is everyone so cocksure this will work?

[Luke Likesheet]

As part of the deal, Flynt & Francis could provide hookers to senators at little or no cost, thus saving the government millions.

[JW]

I wouldn't want to be under the schiesse bubble when it bursts.

[JW]

"Hey everybody! We're all gettin' laid!"

"Try the new reverse-cowgirl mortgage."

"Bailout! The Ultimate Hoggin' Collection!"

[chsw]

Can you see the headline if they don't get the bailout?

PORN BIZ GOES TITS UP

[mark]

Joe Francis is truly one of the most loathsome people in America today.

Number 34 here:
http://buffalobeast.com/122/50mostloathsome2007.html

I hate that guy.

[Libertymike]

someone old enough and cunnivore's submissions are summa cum laude.

[cuernimus]

Worries about deflation have allowed the thick-headed members of Congress to engorge all the other industries who's pockets they have their hands in. This will of course lead to low growth and high inflation (flaccidflation) when it's obvious we should be allowing for stiff competition. Sadly, Ron Paul's forewarning of a market prolapse as a result of this Congressional ass-reaming will not be heard by those leaders with their heads up their own asses.

It's times like these I find I can only take comfort in alcohol and nubile Japanese girls puking into each other's mouths.

[someone old enough to think po]

Libertymike,

Submission? Uh-uh. You got me pegged wrong. I mean...

[Sean W. Malone]

Number 34 here:
http://buffalobeast.com/122/50mostloathsome2007.html

Mark, do you actually read "The BEAST"?

I perused their "50 most loathsome" list and a few additional articles, including one that decried "tribalism" then proceeded to lay out a blanket "we liberals are soooo much better than Republicans, who are all evil racists" as the conclusion, and an even more revealing piece about how Hugo Chavez must be a fine president because he's accepting his term-limit loss with "grace".

I've found nothing on that site yet but surface-level tripe devoid of much intellect...

Boooo.

It completely distracted me from making porn jokes too... lame.

[jtuf]

With plenty of amature porn on the web, professional porn can only compete by making higher quality. The price range for dvd's in my local store is from $10 to $60, so obviously costumers are williing to pay more for quality movies. The amature porn supply also means plenty of supply for customers. The only down side of this trend is the out of work actors, camera opporators, ect. Except for the actors, they are all capable of working in the general film industry. The actors could work as prostitutes. Instead of a bail out, we should be legalizing prostitution to help these folks.

[jtuf]

To sum up my libertarian minded proposal:

Porn industry: "We need money."

Me: "Suck it up."

[Andreya]

Do you think Joe Francis is a tool? Do you think GGW was degrading? If so this might be the casting call for you!
Do you despise any celebrities and want to rant about it? Do you love any celebrities so much you could be called a celeb stalker? You will be paid $250 for this hidden camera show. You must be 18 years or older and live in Southern California.
Find a team of two...your co-worker, your sibling, your friend, or family member. You could be the next Dynamic Duo!

If you're interested go to http://www.lovehatecasting.com?/
This isn't spam, its a great opportunity so go have a looksey!