Center for Science in the Public Interest Invites You to Join Their Lawsuit Fishing Expedition

The Center for Science in the Public Interest (the self-described "food police") have elevated puritanism--defined by H.L. Mencken as "The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" -- to their central public policy principle.

For example, this missive from CSPI just landed in my inbox:

Share Negative Experiences With Mixing Red Bull and Alcohol

Greetings,

Earlier this year CSPI threatened to sue MillerCoors and Anheuser-Busch for the marketing of their respective alcoholic "energy" drinks.  These drinks are dangerous, because the caffeine masks the effects of the alcohol—drinkers may not feel impaired, but they are.

We were pleased that Anheuser-Busch agreed to pull its products from the market.  But MillerCoors, the biggest producer of these drinks, refused to pull its product "Sparks."  As a result, CSPI sued MillerCoors--that suit is proceeding.

In its research of alcoholic energy drinks, CSPI learned of dangerous experiences that consumers had when they mixed alcohol with the energy drink Red Bull. We'd like to hear from you if you or someone you know had a bad experience after consuming Red Bull mixed with alcohol.

CSPI wants to stamp out Bull Breezes, Bullgaritas, Invisibulls, and Red Bull Blasters. Next up will be the CSPI lawsuit against offering dinner party guests a cup of coffee at the end of an evening. 

See my colleague Jacob Sullum's take down of CSPI, "The Anti-Pleasure Principle," here.

Comments

[Warty]

I once drank an incredible amount of free beer at my alma mater's alumni Oktoberfest (free German beer and sausage OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG) and passed out. My buddy woke me up and gave me a drink that consisted of two cans of Red Bull and some indeterminate amount of vodka. I then proceeded to slide ass-first down some stairs, leaving a large chunk of my elbow behind, then I made out with some hot (I hopez I hopez I hopez) drunk chick in a bar, keeping my bloody arm turned away from her so she wouldn't be disgusted by the blood as I tried to finger her. She gave me her number, but I forgot it in the time it took me to fumble in my pocket for my phone. I also lost my keys.

Conclusion: Red Bull mixed with booze is fucking sweet.

[Lamar]

Caffeine masks the effects of alcohol? Somebody needs to sue Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola for conspiracy to contribute to the getting laid and/or fighting of a drunkard.

[Bingo]

Yeah "bad" is damn subjective in this case.

[Alan Vanneman]

Well, I certainly had a bad experience. I woke up realizing I had knowingly consumed something known as a "Bullgarita." It's enough to make a man cry in his Zima, and, wow, that's gone too. Damn that man Obama!

[John C. Randolph]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Fuck the food nazis. I'll ingest whatever I choose.

-jcr

[correction]

The Center for Science in the Public Interest (the self-described "food police") have elevated puritanism--defined by H.L. Mencken as "The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" -- to their central public policy principle.

An emaciated jackass who has the creepy looking face of a dried out jack'o'lantern due to lacking vital oils in his cellular structure 'caused by a meatless and dairy free diet used a fax machine bought for him by his brother-in-law to contact several dozen media outlets to raise a stink concerning people behaving in a manner he disapproves.

The mad man's statement read as follows:
'I own you, youthful party goers of America. Where will my transplant replacements come from if your livers have known artificial stimulants like caffeine and your toungs have touched meat.'

[Elvis]

Caffeine masks the effect of alcohol. CPSI should try blow.

[Xeones]

Yo, fuck CSPI.

[MojoRisen]

Elvis | December 3, 2008, 2:50pm | #
Caffeine masks the effect of alcohol. CPSI should try blow.

Once dropped some acid and a few hours later a friend came by with a bottle of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. We shared it. He was drunk off his ass, puking and could barely walk by the time we finished it. I didn't feel a damn thing from the Morgan's.

[Cool Cal]

Alright, I suggest a massive letter writing campaign of "bad experiences" consisting entirely of waking up next to fat chicks.

[phalkor]

LSD masks the effects of alcohol like none other. You can drink cheap vodka like it's water except it's "tingly". For fun I would offer people sips of my "water". I'm not sure it's healthy (it's not) but it's fun!

[phalkor]

hey mojo, i was gonna say that first, RATS.

[MojoRisen]

phalkor | December 3, 2008, 2:58pm | #
hey mojo, i was gonna say that first, RATS.

That's kewl, bro at heart. I use to be very polypharmalogicaly inclined.

[Ska]

No mention of Jaeger bombs?

[MadBiker]

My bad experiences have to do with dealing with the jack-assery of people drunk on RB&V. I can't stand Red Bull and no amount of alcohol will make it palatable to me.

Once my ex, an NJ State Trooper and supposed civil servant and stand up guy, decided to down a quart of half vodka-half RB and pick fights with two Marines and a bunch of black people at a bar. His barely-coordinated fists met with more air than flesh and we had a hell of a time trying to get out of that place. And all the way home he kept telling me how awful I was as a person and that he hated the way I cramped his style. I left him shortly thereafter.

I'll take acid-tripping hipsters and stoned vegans with their pot-talk any place and time over someone drunk on that evil concoction RB&V (or any variant thereof). I have never seen an episode of revelry end well once it was introduced.

MojoRisen, phalkor - thirds to your comments re: LSD and alcohol. I credit an acid trip with getting me home safely after one New Year's Eve party where taps, joints and passed bottles made up the majority of my evening, only I did not notice the drunkenness and was able to drive home reasonably well. At least, I think I drove well, since I arrived with no damage to self, car, and absent legal trouble.

[Episiarch]

CSPI wants to stamp out Bull Breezes, Bullgaritas, Invisibulls, and Red Bull Blasters

Whoever comes up with a drink called Bull Shit wins a prize. I'd suggest Red Bull, vodka, and Kahlua. I'd never drink a girl drink like that, of course.

[Warty]

Red Bull, Bailey's and Guinness. Let it curdle before drinking.

[Naga Sadow]

The last time I tried Red Bull and alcohol? Wow! Orange Bowl of 2007! I was drinking Ketel and Red Bull. Apparently was hitting on someone's fiance, which led to a drunken showdown. Apparently I tried to fight the dude and his two friends. Luckily, an ex showed up and gave me a ride back to her house to sleep it off. I remember none of this.

Conclusion: I don't remember any of this. Just what friends told me happened afterwards.

[Ska]

There is the Bull Shot - though it has nothing to do with Red Bull and is definitely not girly.

Several dashes TABASCO? SAUCE [optional]
? Several dashes Worcestershire sauce
? 4 oz. beef consomm? or beef bouillion
? 1/2 tsp. grated horseradish [optional]
? 1 1/2-2 oz. vodka
? 1 tsp. lemon juice
Pinch celery salt or celery seed [optional]

[John]

"We'd like to hear from you if you or someone you know had a bad experience after consuming Red Bull mixed with alcohol."

Would waking up with a strange woman too old for you and way below your normal standards count as a bad experience?

[John]

What about Red Bull and Tequilla? I once threw up in the cenral plaze of cozumel from that concoction. My then girlfriend now wife has never let me forget it. You throw up in one plaze and you are marked for life.

[Naga Sadow]

Ska,

Jaeger brings out the beast in people. I condemn its use as a bartender.

[Xeones]

Epi, you just described my Repeal Day plans. Except i have a fifth of Rebel Yell bourbon that needs to get drunk somewhere in there as well.

[J sub D]

Rum and Coke.
Irish Coffee.

CSPI are fuckin' idiots.

[Boston]

is Irish Coffee next?

[Abdul]

Well, in my case, I ruined a perfectly good shot of pure vodka by mixing it with that vile Red Bull concoction.

But I got over it.

[Naga Sadow]

John,

Sounds like some sort of horror story! (shivers)

"And when he woke up . . . she was STILL there! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

"Then she said, stay in bed. I'll make breakfast! Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

"Relax. I'll drop you off at your work. It's on the way to my son's daycare. Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

[Mo]

Does hooking up with an uggo count as "a bad experience after consuming Red Bull mixed with alcohol".

[Mo]

Wow, John and I agree on something.

[John]

Naga,

It wasn't son's daycare. It was son's high school.

[B.P.]

This is going to really, like, totally result in some seriously bad court testimony and stuff.

[Boston]

Apologies to my faster bretheren from Motown. sparks was great when no one knew about it because you could drink it in public with everybody thinking it was some sort of red bull.

[John\'s Wife]

I once threw up in the cenral plaze of cozumel from that concoction. My then girlfriend now wife has never let me forget it. You throw up in one plaze and you are marked for life.

Well, we were attending a funeral at the time.

[phalkor]

Apologies to my faster bretheren from Motown. sparks was great when no one knew about it because you could drink it in public with everybody thinking it was some sort of red bull.

Yeah, me and my ski instructor buddies used to drink it on the mountain all the time.

[Naga Sadow]

John,

AWESOME!!!

[Naga Sadow]

I bestow upon thee, John, the title: Stifmeister. You it wisely.

[John]

Thanks Naga. In fairness, I was 33 at the time and she was 45. So it wasn't that bad. And really she wasn't that far below my standards and wow was she fun in bed.

[dhex]

"Jaeger brings out the beast in people. I condemn its use as a bartender."

you'd be mad too if you drank a bunch of cough syrup but lost out on all the slooooooooooooooooooowwwwww mooooooooootiiiiiiooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
time travel

[Episiarch]

It wasn't son's daycare. It was son's high school.

I see that my cougar remarks to Naga should maybe have been directed to you, John. Did you play GTA4 with the son on his XBox 360 after nailing his mom?

"What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose, tiger."

[Inkstained Wretch]

Funny thing that CSPI is seeking data. I've been doing independent research in this area for years.

Ron, is it all possible to get a grant for CSPI for this kind of research? 'Cause if it is I'd totally like to try to recreate the experiment I conducted last year at the Ram's Head in Baltimore.

According to my assistant at the time, the combination of Red Bull and Jagermeister caused personality changes, loss of motor skills, and bouts of irrational exuberance, followed by the forced evacuation of the contents of my stomach.

Or so I'm told. My notes from the experiment are unaccountably missing. But for a modest sum from CSPI, I'd happliy try to recreate the experiment.

[Ska]

You know, if I could tolerate trendy (bad trend) drinks that taste like shit, I might partake. I guess I'll just have to deal with the regular kind of drunk that comes from beer and bourbon, not that clandestine "I can't tell I'm drunk" from red bull and vodka.

[Warty]

Oh yeah, I forgot about the time I downed a bunch of Jager bombs and decided it was a good idea to wrestle my buddy on the sidewalk at 3am. The cops were not amused.

[John]

Epi,

I never had to guts to meet the son. I avoided it like the plague. The King Pin quote made me laugh so hard it hurt.

[Xeones]

A buddy of mine bonged Jaeger at a frat party once. The next thing he remembers is waking up next morning on a strange girl's floor on the other side of campus, fully clothed except for his shoes, which he never saw again.

[R C Dean]

See, there's actually a Federal Rule of Civil Procedure that should be used in this suit. I forget the cite, but basically it says that any attorney who brings a suit this stupid should have to pay personally for the defense costs.

[Dagny T.]

Even lamer/girlier than regular Red Bull and vodka is diet Red Bull and vodka. Of course, pretty soon you stop caring about the sugar and get regular Red Bull. And do extremely fun, shady things.

If you want to actually remember the fun/shadiness, Red Bull and ecstasy works, too. 8-P

[Boston]

Story

"Well i once went to bar, got a couple of RBV's and went home. I had a pretty bad hangover the next day and then realized that some busybody group was trying to outlaw my favorite drink."

Does that count?

[Episiarch]

I never had to guts to meet the son. I avoided it like the plague.

No, man--you should have played it up to the maximum uncomfortable hilt. "How's it going there, buddy! I just spent the night with your mommy!"

The King Pin quote made me laugh so hard it hurt.

But did it jar something loose?

[John]

"See, there's actually a Federal Rule of Civil Procedure that should be used in this suit. I forget the cite, but basically it says that any attorney who brings a suit this stupid should have to pay personally for the defense costs."

Rule 11

[tim]

Doesn't alcohol mask the effects of alcohol?

[Tonio]

It's enough to make a man cry in his Zima...

Real men don't drink Zima.

You crazy kids. We didn't have Red Bull back in my day. Of course I could drink legally at eighteen.

Never seen the attraction of RB, must be a generational thing.

[peachy but preachy]

alcohol magnifies the effects of alcohol
stimulants make you more likely to black out as you have more "drinking endurance"
pschedelia makes you unable to notice drunkenness

[JW]

Warty--Your story, as cool as it may be, shouldhavebeentoldwithoutanyspacesinit.

[Mo]

JW,
That's only if his buddy was an IllegalImmigrant

[mojorisen]

while we are sharing drunken activity stories, I have one from just two weeks ago. While doing shots of Jager with some Coronas on the side I was attempting to put a DVD in my friend's player and not getting it accomplished. I'm a very mellow guy unless threatened, so he makes the mistake of starting a countdown, 'I'm going to hit you . . . 9, 8, 7, I'm going to hit you, 6, 5, 4, ' I promptly jumped him and through him around like a ragdoll for a few minutes. He is not happy, so he puts a finger up his ass and tells me he is going to chase me down and make
me lick it. I quickly counter by ripping a huge patch of hairs from my ass and I chased him down and made him eat it. He is a martial arts tourney champ by the way, but Jager is a hell of a drink.

[mojorisen]

pschedelia makes you unable to notice drunkenness

Disagree. LSD is the ultimate form of sobriety.

[TrickyVic]

I don't trust anything that puts science and public interest in the same title.

[Episiarch]

I quickly counter by ripping a huge patch of hairs from my ass and I chased him down and made him eat it

We need a name for this, reminiscent of gorilla mask. Maybe reverse hairballing?

[JW]

I once, with a couple of buddies, stayed up all night getting plastered on irish coffees. I don't think we slept for 36 hours or something like that. It was a fun weekend.

However, I would only recommend that anyone at the CSPI only take irish coffee in as an enema.

[mojorisen]

We need a name for this, reminiscent of gorilla mask. Maybe reverse hairballing?

It was such a spontaneous in the moment sort of thing, and after doing it, I was thinking, 'has this been done before?' Yup, it needs a name, like, Hair'emScare'em, or something like that.

[Xeones]

mojorisen,

You and your friends are horrifying.

[mojorisen]

Xeones | December 3, 2008, 4:58pm | #
mojorisen,

You and your friends are horrifying.

Thank you. I wished there had been a third party there recording it on cam, the look on my friend's face when he saw the clump of ass hairs was the exact same that Stewie had when he realized he was being breast fed by Peter. He let out a little breathless yelp, turned around and headed for the stairs.

[Ska]

I'd almost want to call it Dingleberry Pie.

[Episiarch]

Ska, I like it. But Hair'em Scare'em ain't bad, either. Ass flossing?

[Warty]

I like hair-em scare-em.

[mojorisen]

Ass flossing?

I do that every time I go down on a hippie chick, or any one of them who is not terribly aware of the invention of the straight razor. At the pearlies get a little message. It's all good.

[mojorisen]

At the pearlies get a little message

At least the pearlies get a little message

[keith]

My best alcohol and caffeine story is this: in my time in the SCA, I met a guy who had made a supply of Dew mead (homebrew fermented Mountain Dew syrup, that's all), which he proceeded to ice distill. The result was awesome. This concentrated the alcohol, the food coloring, the caffeine, the residual sugar, and the viscosity. It was like Grand Mariner in the form of liquid uranium glass, but full of caffeine.

I only got a single sample taste, but i understand there was an SCA event where revelers were buzzed and wired right up to the point they passed out.

[Ska]

Hair'em Scar'em is pretty sweet too. That's more for the chase part of the description. It's the forced consumption that caused me to think of pie.

Sticking with the Family Guy reference, Brian describes the way Meg towels off after a shower as "ass flossing".

[mojorisen]

I had a lot of anger in me that night because Roy Jones Jr had just lost big time to that Welsh punk.

[Voton]

Dear CSPI:I had to resort to drinking RB&V for a buzz when I got ripped off to the tune of 20 bucks for some fake ecstasy. That really sucked. Yours sincerely, etc.

[Naga Sadow]

John,

Age wise I got you beat. I was 22 and without knowing it sleeping with a 38 year old. Good times.

Epi,

I told you those cougar epitets of yours were exaggerated.

Mojorisen,

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

[JW]

I like hair-em scare-em.

It sounds like some horrible porn mashup of Mojo Nixon, Country Dick Montana and Buck Adams.

[Mojorisen]

I like hair-em scare-em.

or, maybe Stinkfist.

Mojorisen,

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Sheer escalation,

he brings a knife, you bring a gun,
he brings a stink finger, you bring a fist full of ass hairs.

Chicago Rules.

[Sam Grove]

pucker moss

[mojorisen]

Sam Grove | December 3, 2008, 10:01pm | #
pucker moss

🙂

I will never forget a particular stripper at an all nude joint in Washington DC called Camelot back in '93. She was a natural blonde with that frosty tipped look about her curlies that went from a few inches below the navel all the way to the other side, surrounding the volcano exit way in a swirl fashion reminiscent of a crop circle. Her pucker moss was cuter than most other girl's faces.

It is the cheap thrills in life that make me want to live forever.

[Art-P.O.G.]

The only way I can get the confidence to talk to strange women is by ingesting some mixture of caffeine and alcohol. I don't have any stories as crazy as the majority of these, but then I am a naturally timorous person (and natural nerd).

[Abdul]

The only way I can get the confidence to talk to strange women is by ingesting some mixture of caffeine and alcohol. I don't have any stories as crazy as the majority of these, but then I am a naturally timorous person (and natural nerd).

Won't somebody please think of the children (that Art-POG will never have unless he's gooned up on alcohol and caffeine)?

[dhex]

"(homebrew fermented Mountain Dew syrup, that's all)"

that sounds amazing.

it must have tasted horrible, though.

[economist]

To be perfectly honest, anything involving Red Bull sounds like a bad experience. But if it's your thing, I don't have a problem with it.