PETA Asks Ben & Jerry's to Use Human Milk to Make Ice Cream

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The folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have written a letter to Ben & Jerry's suggesting that the socially conscious purveyors of fats and sugars in the form tasty ice cream switch from bovine milk to human milk. As PETA explains:

The breast is best! Won't you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow's milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream?

Why?

Using cow's milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer's health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America's leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow's milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America's number one cause of death.

Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.

http://www.babiesadvantage.com/images/playtex_one_step.jpg

PETA is cribbing the idea from a Swiss restaurant:

Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk.

Apparently there is already a market for human milk. Find reporting on the proposal and the PETA letter here

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  1. The only way I’ll reopen the studio is if you go up to the Bronx, and get me some breast milk from a Cambodian immigrant.

  2. They could call it “Borat Bonanza.”

  3. Ben & Jerry’s should make a meat ice cream from the flesh of the animals killed by PETA.

  4. They could call it [ethnic joke deleted].

  5. Dear Ingrid Newkirk,

    Die in a fire.

    Hugs & Kisses,
    MG

  6. I could dig this. I have always wanted to try breast milk (again–haven’t had it since infancy, of course).

  7. Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

  8. That letter and new story was from ‘The Onion’ right? Right?

    Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months.”

    What about the humans that would be supplying the breast milk? They’d have to have a constantly supply of pregnant women to produce all that breast milk.

    After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.

    Again, what about the humans?

  9. Yea, Epi, outside of a business doing it like this it is somewhat of an awkward proposition to bring up.

  10. Plus, Robbie, you need to knock a girl up to get some, which is a whole other world of NO FUCKING WAY.

  11. “I could dig this. I have always wanted to try breast milk”

    heh. Why am I not surprised? 😉

  12. If you can find women who are willing to sell that breast milk, and ice cream consumers willing to buy a pint of Titty Twister, by all means go for it. Not that I’d want to spend 30 bucks on a pint of human milk ice cream (or wahtever something like this would cost). This is probably one of the less offensive PETA initiatives that I’ve heard of. Just impractical. And I’d still want my cow milk option of course.

  13. Yeah, the amount of excess breast milk a pregnant woman would have to make ice cream with would only be enough to satisfy another producing woman’s cravings during pregnancy.
    It just wouldn’t work.

  14. Would this involve pumping women full of hormones and hooking them up to breast pumping machines? With the women lined up in rows?

    One thing about the milk of other mammals–hasn’t humanity been drinking it (and eating the byproducts thereof) for an extremely long time? Just how bad can it be?

  15. “The breast is best!”

    THE URKOBOLD COMPLETELY AGREES WITH PETA. THE BREAST IS BEST.

  16. The fact that so much from PETA really DOES seem to be from the Onion suggests the need for a new, non-nutcase, anti-cruelty group. I want to eat cows and chickens, but I want the farmers to treat them humanely before killing them for me to eat. I want this so much that I’d be willing to pay a penny or 2 more a pound for meats with a “Non-Nutcase non-PETA Approved” seal, even though I totally disdain PETA because of idiotic stunts like this. Do others feel this way? Doesn’t it seem like a fringe group has taken up all the oxygen in the room, and there’s no media space for non-nutcases who just want to eat relatively-happy cows & chickens?

  17. heh. Why am I not surprised? 😉

    It combines my love of women and cuisine. How could I resist it? Put some cocaine in it and I’d probably ascend to a higher plane of existence.

  18. “Doesn’t it seem like a fringe group has taken up all the oxygen in the room, ”

    seriously, how much fuggin oxygen does it take to think like PETA?

  19. Bob Barr is ahead of the game.

  20. epi,

    On paper, it sounds like a great idea. I am a big fan of milk and an even bigger fan of breasts. But it turns out, human breast milk is just disgusting.

  21. Udder nonsense.

  22. Infantilism enthusiasts must be wetting themselves over this news.

  23. I made some Kraft Mac ‘N’ Cheese with my wife’s breast milk once. It was good, but not as creamy.

  24. It’s forbidden by law to sell breast milk in Switzerland.

  25. Well, if you want really fresh, Starbuck’s should hire lactating baristas.
    Better yet, if they merged with Hooters…oh yeah, Hooterbuck’s! Gimme a latte.
    Make it a double!

  26. There is really no logical reason to prefer the milk of other mammals to that of your own species. It is a learned response.

    It is also a learned response to think killing animals for food is inhumane (or unnatural). I’m with JMR, we need a group that is for better treatment of our food without all this dumb crap PETA is up to.

  27. But it turns out, human breast milk is just disgusting.

    It’s more the experience of doing it rather than tasting it that appeals to me.

  28. Well, if you want really fresh, Starbuck’s should hire lactating baristas.
    Better yet, if they merged with Hooters…oh yeah, Hooterbuck’s! Gimme a latte.
    Make it a double!

    There already are businesses like that. Google “bikini baristas”.

  29. So will fat chicks produce Whole Milk and skinny broads produce Skim Milk?

  30. We know Kerry Howley sold her ova in years past.

    This brings to mind a question that should not be asked.

  31. A good example of how freedom doesn’t necessarily mean you condone anything.

    Ben & Jerry’s should be free to do this if they want, and PeTA should be free to ask them. And I’m still free to say how viscerally horrified I am by this concept and how PeTA is a bunch of violent, insane hypocrites.

    Yay Freedom!

  32. and there’s no media space for non-nutcases who just want to eat relatively-happy cows & chickens?

    I agree. Is ASPCA more reasonable?

  33. Peta is great. They’re probably the world’s slickest, best funded trolls. They even troll real life, which is kind of hard to do, what with having to pay for billboards and bloody naked chicks and such.

  34. Ok, given PETA maybe “oxygen in the room” was the wrong analogy, but I think meat eaters who want humanely raised and killed meat/eggs/milk are a majority that’s not AT ALL represented. PETA, despite being hysterical lefties prone to stupidity, does have a point about some factory farms and the cruelty they hide. With a bit more open-ness, we could have a food killing industry that does a decent job, and I’d feel a lot better about being an omnivore if I could choose meat with such a label.

    I can’t make that choice, but I think if the group eventually sprang up I’d be the IDEAL CEO. For one thing, I have as much disdain for PETA-stupidity as I do for cruelty. For another, I’m lazy, and advocating a sane policy as opposed to these hysterical nutcases seems like it would be an easy job. I wonder how much Ingrid Newkirk makes a year?? I’d take that salary, I’ll bet! 🙂

  35. I’m no fan of PETA (confirmed meat lover), but this argument is not crazy if you start from an acceptance of some level of “animal rights.” Milk-giving cows are basically slave labor, whereas humans would willingly sell their milk and be compensated. As Patrick pointed out, the “ew” response to human milk is entirely a learned response, along the lines of what Radley is always railing against.

    Of course, for that to make sense you have to believe in “animal rights.” It’s kind of like the abortion issue. Either you think it’s a person or you don’t.

  36. Slippery slope. What next: toddler cutlets?*

    *Better than veal!?

  37. Using cow’s milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer’s health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, . . . obesity,

    How will ice cream amde from human milk avoid the dangers of diabetes and obesity? It’ll be just as fattening, if not more so.

    Maybe they’re relying on the disgust factor of people getting breast milk from guys named Ben and Jerry?

  38. Would this involve pumping women full of hormones and hooking them up to breast pumping machines? With the women lined up in rows?

    I think I saw that in an anime.

  39. What does that guy who made the milk enema porn movies have to say about this? Feasibly a new plot twist?

  40. human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk.

    But… if they PAY the women, they’re EXPLOITING them!

  41. R C Dean,

    Damn the Japanese and their clever ways! Are they ahead of us in this, too? I bet their human “cows” are American women, as well, with big bosoms and freakishly big round eyes.

  42. Ed,

    I gotta say it. Veal just isn’t very good to me. I prefer a lean piece of filet mignon only medium rare. I gotta have the blood in it or I won’t eat it.

  43. I prefer a lean piece of filet mignon only medium rare

    MEDIUM rare? The proper cooked level for beef is “uh, I put it on the grill for 20 seconds”.

  44. Epi,

    I’m not an arisocrat such as yourself. Perhaps someday I will be ennobled but that day has yet to arrive.

  45. “I have always wanted to try breast milk (again–haven’t had it since infancy, of course).”

    Why not? What are you, some kind of prude?

  46. Medium rare isn’t the problem, so long as the rare part remains. Medium and well done are abominations and shouldn’t be tolerated in civilized society.

    Tuna, incidentally, should either be eaten raw or just somewhat seared.

  47. Damn the Japanese and their clever ways! Are they ahead of us in this, too? I bet their human “cows” are American women, as well, with big bosoms and freakishly big round eyes.

    Well, they also has blue-green hair, so they may have been alien women.

  48. Why not? What are you, some kind of prude?

    I’m trying to overcome my prudery.

    Tuna, incidentally, should either be eaten raw

    And salmon. I cannot abide cooked salmon.

  49. You are wise as usual, Pro Lib. I prefer big 8oz tuna steaks that are just given a light turn on the grill then spiced up. I tried something new about a month ago. Try seared tuna with Chinese mustard and butter sauce. AWESOME!!!

  50. Epi,

    You may have done to much blow to ever be considered a prude.

  51. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer.

    Sounds a lot like DHMO hazards. Don’t these people know that all milk is full of DHMO?

  52. Episiarch is wise in the way of the Fish. While I will occasionally eat cooked salmon as a concession to the taste–or lack thereof–of my family unit, I do so under protest. However, before I totally condemn cooked salmon, I must confess that I like smoked salmon. But I’m a sinner.

  53. Pro Lib,

    Refer to my post above. Episiarch is an aristocrat. He has these crazy notions of what is considered right and noble. Smoked salmon is awesome. Especially when used for a Philadelphia roll.

  54. You may have done to much blow to ever be considered a prude.

    May?!?

    I must confess that I like smoked salmon

    ProL, I make my own gravlax. Super easy and fucking delicious.

  55. Is fermentation just another way of saying left to rot, Epi?

  56. It is no longer fermented but cured by the salt and sugar. I tried a cilantro/tequila variant but it didn’t really take, so I said screw it.

  57. I must be some sort of savage for having a steak filet at Morton’s last night “medium plus”. The shrimp Alexander were cooked too, is that another sin level?

    BTW, my date from Sheffield had her steak medium, which is a bit on the rare side at Morton’s.

  58. How will ice cream amde from human milk avoid the dangers of diabetes and obesity?

    It won’t for the one drinking it, but it will reduce the fat content of the person producing it. It’s kind of a zero-sum thing in this case.

    Anyways, I’ve tried breast milk. It’s fine.You could make some decent ice cream out of it I bet.

  59. Guy! You philistine, you!

  60. The South Park episode with PETA was a classic.

  61. Episiarch,

    Sounds good. Speaking (as I was) of smoked salmon, I just found and posted a clip from Good Eats, where Alton Brown made a smoker out of a cardboard box.

    Guy,

    Wherefore in the name of God the All-powerful, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, of Blessed Peter, Prince of the Apostles, and of all the saints, in virtue of the power which has been given us of binding and loosing in Heaven and on earth, we deprive Guy Montag himself and all his accomplices and all his abettors of the Communion of the Body and Blood of Our Lord and all beef products, we separate him from the society of all Christians, we exclude him from the bosom of our Holy Mother the Church in Heaven and on earth, we declare him excommunicated and anathematized and we judge him condemned to eternal fire with Satan and his angels and all the reprobate, so long as he will not burst the fetters of the demon, do penance and satisfy the Church; we deliver him to Satan to mortify his body, that his soul may be saved on the day of judgment.

  62. Human milk tastes wonderful, but it doesn’t exactly taste like “milk”, and I don’t know if it would work well for ice cream.

    Another problem is scale; cows are just fantastic milk producers. I read something in the context of genetic engineering — getting mammals to produce medicinal protiens in their milk. It was saying how it was easier to do the with goats, but cows are the holy grail because they produce X times more milk — where X was like, 8, 10, 20 times. This must be in wikipedia somewhere.

    Anyway, with humans not bred for milk production, their productivity is going to be pathetic. On the other hand, when I was taking childbirth classes, they pointed out that there was a law in, like, Victorian England or something, that wet nurses could have to more than 8 children under their “care” — and pointed out that if there was a law to limit this, presumably women were serving MORE than 8 children at a time.

    I know the PETAns of the world would consider it blatant propaganda, but there was the awesome segment on a History Channel show (part of the 90% non-history shows on the channels) that showed a completely modern dairy.

    The cows roamed around a big barn, because pens cause stress. Robotic squeegees ran across the floor to keep the poo in control. The cows are trained to go to the milking stations on their own — they can feel when it’s time. The milking is entirely robotic; these things reach out and scrub the udders, attach the milking cups, and clean up afterward. Each suction cup is independent, so one teat may get milked more than another; it detects when the teat has been emptied.

    The milk is held separate so that it can be tested for any infection, and to measure content, etc.

    The milking station was separated by gates, but still visible to the rest of the barn, because cows are herd animals and being separated causes stress.

    In this case, the more “factory” the farm, the better the animals were treated. All of this for purely selfish, capitalist reasons: healthy, content, unstressed cows are more productive.

    A lesson for many office environments, I think. Oh. Gotta go to the data milking station now, sorry…

    Finally: I wonder what whale milk tastes like? That’s gotta be hell to collect.

  63. The fact that so much from PETA really DOES seem to be from the Onion suggests the need for a new, non-nutcase, anti-cruelty group.

    JMR, many of us in the anti-cruelty movement have long been frustrated by PETA and the other animal rights groups.

    Even if they are not covertly funded by their opponents (as is widely suspected), they accomplish their opponents’ objectives by discrediting pretty much everyone in the animal welfare and anti-cruelty communities.

  64. ChrisH – that was on How It’s Made. And it was really cool to watch.

  65. I wonder what whale milk tastes like? That’s gotta be hell to collect.

    I believe it is like 50% fat or something, so probably like cream.

    The South Park episode with PETA was a classic.

    So was the Bullshit! PETA episode.

  66. What about the humans that would be supplying the breast milk?

    Read “In the Barn” by Piers Anthony for the answer to that one.

  67. I am anti-cruelty and I hate PETA too. So there.

    But PL has banished me to some awful place where I can’t have cooked prawns.

  68. WAIT! What about the tie-in to the milk porn guy from a few months ago?

    Am I the first to notice it this time?

  69. I was once privileged to have a lactating girl friend. I liked the flavour, and the extraction method that I used, but she wasn’t much for volume. Certainly not enough to make ice cream.

  70. No. I beat you to it here.

    Nobody pays any attention to me. That’s ok. I’ll just stay here in this corner and keep muttering to myself.

  71. Infantilism enthusiasts must be wetting themselves over this news.

    Luckily, they wear diapers.

  72. So will fat chicks produce Whole Milk and skinny broads produce Skim Milk?

    Which also raises similar questions about Chocolate and Mocha.

    And would redheads have strawberry flavored? or ginger flavored?

  73. Shit Guy, I used to have some respect for you, but medium plus? You must have the jaws of a neandertal.

  74. Tuna, incidentally, should either be eaten raw

    And salmon. I cannot abide cooked salmon.

    Maguro -> Oishii desu nee!

    Shake -> Oishii ja arimasen.

  75. Hey, I’ve got the perfect name for an entrepreneurial corner shop: The Korova Milk Bar.

  76. First, I think Reinmoose said something about pregnant women’s milk… Well, pregnant women don’t produce milk. They produce colustrum (well, some of us do) and that is definitely not something you want to use to cream your coffee. Besides, we make too little of it.

    Now, once the milk comes in after the baby is born, there could be plenty to make a pint of ice cream. I was blessed with milk production worthy of Borden – I’m still shocked they never called me.

    That said, I did try a cup of coffee with my own milk once and it was not very good. It doesn’t taste bad, but it’s just not the same as mooju in half-n-half form.

    Also, you have to let it settle to get the cream off the top and, unlike with mooju, booju cream isn’t all that yummy.

    Hubby didn’t mind it, but he certainly wasn’t hankering to use one of my spare bags of EBM in his Frosted Flakes.

  77. PETA continues in its quest to make it harder and harder to be for animal welfare and be taken seriously. Thanks, assclowns!

  78. Guy,

    That awful place would be Hell. In Hell, prawns are served but only demonically over or undercooked.

  79. This would be very dangerous. We are immune to most bovine diseases, but many viruses and bacteria that use specifically human hosts can be carried via breast milk.

  80. Wow. Somebody, you need to do a little more reading. Even though *some* viral and bacterial pathogens can be passed through breast milk, more would be transmitted from the skin (so hygiene is important). And besides, women who donate milk to milk banks are screened for those pathogens which can infect milk.

    And milk banks pasteurize the milk, too, which destroys all the immune factors the milk carries. Which sucks. But it’s better than formula, anyway.

  81. And would redheads have strawberry flavored? or ginger flavored?

    The redheads I know would probably have some kind of jalapeno flavor.

  82. Now I’m all thirsty.

  83. Another exotic food to add to my list. It may be impractical, but i’m curious about people’s personal tastes here. As a proud [insert word for someone who doesn’t ever get offended/disgusted at anything], i’d be willing to eat this stuff just to say i did.

    btw, “udder nonsense” is the best line ever. I just love how it’s cheesy pun funny and actual funny at the same time.

  84. Bronwyn, why would human colostrum be worse in or for coffee than bovine colostrum?

  85. I’m also reminded (strawberry, jalapeno) of an article some years ago in Science News. It was about how babies nursed longer when moms had eaten garlic, and less long when they (the moms!) had drunk alcohol. Adult subjects smelled the milk and were able to detect both ingredients — implying that the babies could taste it.

    Besides an endorsement of the brilliance of Italian and Spanish cuisines, this also shows that what the milk-producers eat matters very much.

    For cows, this is tightly controlled I would guess, and in any case limited to what I posit is a limited bovine pallete. For peoples… who knows what they’re going to eat?! Gorgonzola milk? Durian milk? Stinky tofu milk?

  86. I guess nobody has thought this idea well. Breast milk is the best source of nutrition for human infants. When babies are born prumaturely, breast milk can be life saving..Therefore most neonatology units have breast milk banks! And you think it should be used for ice cream instead of saving these babies? Please!!!

  87. The fact that so much from PETA really DOES seem to be from the Onion suggests the need for a new, non-nutcase, anti-cruelty group

    Good idea, we need some sort of Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. But what will we call it?

    Hey, I’ve got the perfect name for an entrepreneurial corner shop: The Korova Milk Bar.

    Korova means cow. For this endeavor, “The Chelovek Milk Bar”, might be more appropriate.

    But you could still sell Milk plus vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, if that’s your plan…

  88. I was wondering why the hell yesterday’s poll on CNN.com was “Would you eat ice cream made of human breast milk?”

  89. Hay! If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? I would…

  90. “There is really no logical reason to prefer the milk of other mammals to that of your own species. It is a learned response.”-Patrick

    Higher milk production from cattle over women and the ability to implement a breeding program (which has both practical and moral objections if tried on humans) to improve production are not logical reasons? I’m not sure what word you were wanting to use there but it was not “logical”.

  91. I think he meant consumption preference, MJ, not production preference.

  92. anarch, I didn’t say one or the other would be better in my coffee.

    I said half-and-half (cream and milk) are better in coffee than colostrum.

    Besides, bovine colostrum appears to come in tablet or capsule form… that’s not quite the creamer packet, now is it?

    Of course, if you wanna go take your mug out to the barn and put a few squirts in, have at it!

    All I’m saying is that, for the yum factor, I preferred half-and-half over my own booju. And colostrum, well, for one, I needed all I had for my infant and for two, there’s not enough of it to satisfactorily creamify my cuppa joe.

  93. Milk Bitches, Not Cows

  94. Seriously people. We have people who can’t read, don’t have decent health care and are starving, and you are spending time worrying about how an industrial nation produces food for omnivores who rely on an industrial food supply chain. Teach a kid to read, and while you’re at it, take him a hamburger and a carton of milk.

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