Lamination or Damnation?

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Yesterday's Washington Post scoop on misused funds in the oil royalty program of the Interior Department is worth catching up on. The graft was extreme, even as far as these things go.

Investigators from the Interior Department's inspector general's office said more than a dozen employees, including the former director of the oil royalty program, took meals, ski trips, sports tickets and golf outings from industry representatives. The report alleges that the former director, Gregory W. Smith, also netted more than $30,000 from improper outside work.

The inspector general's release comprised three separate reports, including one devoted to the program's former director, Smith, 56, who resigned last year. It alleges that Smith improperly worked part time for Geomatrix Consultants, an Oakland, Calif.-based environmental and engineering firm, and marketed the company to government clients.

Additionally, the report said, Smith had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a subordinate whom he paid to buy cocaine, allegedly promising her a $250 bonus in return.

But it's topped by the latest update to the story.

On Monday, the Interior Department was praised for "developing a dynamic laminated Ethics Guide for employees" that was a "polished, professional guide" with "colorful pictures and prints which demand employees' attention." The guide, the award noted, was small enough for employees to carry. Interior also was lauded for having held a four-day seminar for its ethics advisors nationwide.

I guess the lamination made it easier to snort coke off of it.

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  1. If one must work for the government, he might as well do it in style.

  2. “topped”

  3. Additionally, the report said, Smith had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a subordinate whom he paid to buy cocaine, allegedly promising her a $250 bonus in return

    I like this guy’s style. This is exactly the kind of thing I’d do, which is why I can never work for the government.

  4. “Interior also was lauded for having held a four-day seminar for its ethics advisors nationwide.”
    Followed by a four-day orgy and drug binge…

  5. Pff…ethics…that’s for the hourly employees. Don’t accept that cup of coffee!

    I remember that shit when I worked for Lockheed. Us hourly proles being reminded that “even a pastry or a cup of coffee could be construed as a gift”.

    On a side note, I’m already planning to teach my daughter– when she gets older– to never ever submit to a breath test if pulled over. Mayors, governors, judges, legislators, city council people never do. Public officials, a shining example to the rest of us.

  6. I guess the lamination made it easier to snort coke off of it.

    FTW!

  7. a four-day seminar for its ethics advisors

    Four fucking days? What takes four days? What a boondoggle.

    But it was paid for by taxpayer money, so its perfectly ethical. Make sense of that if you can.

  8. I was the decision guy for purchasing office computer equipment in a new command once. Hardly an expert but I was knowlegeable enough to not buy really stupid shit.

    Anyway, I spent a lot of tax dollars and tried to do it honestly. One of the office supply firms invited me to an expo with food and every sailor’s dream, an open bar. Without any training or laminated guides, this dumbass high school educated enlisted man managed to figure out that this would not look really good. I still did business with the company, but declined the gracious invite.

    Fuckin’ leeches and thieves.

  9. I was laughing my ass of yesterday reading this article, especially the comments section. Most people were blaming “the corrupt Bush administration” for this one.

  10. This is exactly the kind of thing I’d do, which is why I can never work for the government.

    See? Once you’re in the 8th circle for pimping and seducing, might as well go for corruption, too. Hush money for gunrunning counts, too.

  11. See? Once you’re in the 8th circle for pimping and seducing, might as well go for corruption, too. Hush money for gunrunning counts, too.

    But I can’t go to prison. I’m too pretty.

    “Oh, thank God you’re here. I’m going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights, and we had movie night. And once, both. Those men did not enjoy Soapdish. I…I think you have to know that world.”

  12. As a person who lost his government job, due to responsible off duty cannabis consumption (and being caught on a drug test) possessing several medals and letters of commendation for “reflecting great credit upon himself, his unit and the United States Army”, I’m really getting a kick out of this story and the comments.

    /Drug tests are for poor people I guess.

    //What’s OK for me is not OK for thee applies here.

  13. I was laughing my ass of yesterday reading this article, especially the comments section. Most people were blaming “the corrupt Bush administration” for this one.

    I mentioned yesterday, this shit will continue no matter who wins the election. It’s the nature of the beast.

  14. “I was laughing my ass of yesterday reading this article, especially the comments section. Most people were blaming “the corrupt Bush administration” for this one.”

    Fish rots from the head down.

  15. I really doubt party affiliation determines whether or not you’re a coke snorting, employee-fucking type of supervisor.

  16. At least in prison, we had knife fights, and we had movie night.

    Perhaps more appropriate for the probation thread, but in prison there’s even fucking ice cream sandwiches! Maybe the goal is to make life outside prison ever less-appealing.

    “No touching!”

  17. I suspect *Libertarian* party types don’t get those coke snorting, employee fucking government supervisor kinds of jobs, which means there are exactly 2 party affiliations that matter.

  18. This whole Department of the Interior scandal again proves why the government should not be trusted to protect the environmnent.

  19. You can’t bring bees into prison.

  20. This story has everything.

    I guess the lamination made it easier to snort coke off of it. tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

    I used to work for the government. I never needed a laminated card to tell me not to give applicants favors in exchange for hookers and coke.

    There was this one 80-year-old neighborhood guy who used to give some of us a six dollar bottle of wine for Christmas. You just couldn’t say no to him. Does that count?

    joe, high-rollin’ city plannah, bi-otch!

  21. Street planner, you mean.

  22. “Fish rots from the head down”

    Link, please.

  23. “joe, high-rollin’ city plannah, bi-otch!”

    What city? You never say. Why is that?

  24. I don’t?

    Lowell, MA, Matilda.

    Any of the regulars can tell you that.

  25. “I mentioned yesterday, this shit will continue no matter who wins the election. It’s the nature of the beast.”

    Only until the cash runs out and the Chinese redeem their T-bills for federally owned land.

  26. No land, no Dept. of the Interior.

  27. For some reason I thought you said fitchburg. I guess I might have confused them, somehow.

  28. “Lowell, MA, Matilda.

    Any of the regulars can tell you that.”

    Thanks! When was that. What frustrated you most? What worked well?

  29. This sounds a lot like most of the jobs I had as a kid, except these people got paid well. That’s not an insignificant consideration- I would have kept my drug-addled sex-on-demand harass-the-new-waitress-until-she-blows-you-in-the-cooler jobs forever if they had paid 60k.

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