Campaigns/Elections

"I'll See You at the Debate, Bitches"

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At Funny or Die, Paris Hilton announces for president, rebukes John McCain as "wrinkly" and "white-haired" (McCain had slagged her in passing in an anti-Barack Obama ad), dings Obama on the fly, and then lays out an energy policy:

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  1. And did he have it coming! This is what happens when you make fun of the daughter of two of your most reliable fundraisers and donors.

    Dumb, dumb, dumb. Paris Hilton in this ad looks downright ingenious next to the bumbling fools over at campaign headquarters who OK’d nuking the Hilton’s eldest daughter for a cheap political attack ad.

  2. I thought Nicky was the older Hilton sister.

  3. …And thus, the End Times? begin.

  4. Why does she have such bad taste in swimwear? A simple string bikini would have sufficed; instead she wears the tiger-print idiocy. I’m sorry, did she say something?

  5. Why does she have such bad taste in swimwear? A simple string bikini would have sufficed; instead she wears the tiger-print idiocy. I’m sorry, did she say something?

    Epi, in all honesty I didn’t notice what she was wearing because about five seconds into the faux-ad my brain ground to a screeching halt and did not successfully reboot until several moments later.

  6. If she would just lighten up on that enviromental hysteria she could be the L party candidate in a few years.

  7. Epi – yoo should see her dayvare und eveningvare. Zey are very nice.

    is next… SVIMVEAR!!!

  8. Epi – yoo should see her dayvare und eveningvare. Zey are very nice.

    I’d be fine with no wear.

    I’m sort of disgusted with myself for finding her fuckable, but I guess I’m just a pig.

  9. Look for her to be governor of California in 20 years.

  10. I see the guy who sent McCain out to give a speech in front of a green screen right after Obama’s victory speech is still running the campaign.

    John. Oh, John. You just started dabbling in bitchcraft, and you pick a fight with Paris Hilton?

  11. I’m no political expert, but if you can’t even attack Paris Hilton and not have it come back and bite you on the ass, I’d say you’re fucked.

  12. I don’t know if her campaign is going to get off the ground — I have a confidential source that says Paris had an affair with a guy once.

  13. The people that would vote for McCain don’t generally know how to play online videos.

  14. “who” would vote..

    sigh

  15. To be fair, McCain’s campaign had a pretty good response. They said (I’m paraphrasing) even Paris Hilton had a better energy plan than Obama’s. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but they did have a point.

  16. I’m starting to dislike Hilton a tiny bit less now.

    However, her energy policy doesn’t cut it. Drilling for oil now “to tide us over” ignores the fact that the oil won’t begin to flow for several more years.

    Also, since Obama signaled a willingness to compromise on drilling as part of an overall energy plan, and I think McCain was all for developing alternatives in addition to drilling, it’s kind of a moot point. Both candidates now have a Hiltonesque energy plan.

  17. NP,

    That’s sort of like saying Jimmy Carter devised an excellent tactic to fight swamp rabbits.

    You’re a major party presidential candidate, and you’re in the position of having to respond to something Paris Hilton says?

  18. Can we get rid of the uninspiring Bob Barr and get Paris Hilton on the Libertarian Party ticket somehow?

    Paris Hilton/Ron Paul 2008

  19. Occam’s toothbrush,

    I guess we just have to start this morning opposing each other. I’m sure McCain’s campaign meant it as a JOKE, with a huge tongue in cheek. That’s what I meant by a “good response.”

  20. I guess this means that Paris is no longer on John’s short list to replace Cindy.

  21. You know, a good looking billionheiress for when the current ride needs an overhaul.

  22. I try to avoid Paris HIlton like the plague upon humanity that she is, but this time I have to give her props.

    She had a good scriptwriter, good timing, and she was obviously in on the joke.

    I hope McCain has learned a lesson about slandering civilians in his mad quest for power.

  23. How exactly did McCain slander Paris Hilton? He called her a celebrity that was not qualified to be President? This is a secret?

    McCain’s staff went further to say that not only was Paris Hilton’s plan better than Obama’s, but it’s essentially the same as McCain’s.

    They should make her an Energy advisor and take her on the campaign trail.

  24. Drilling for oil now “to tide us over” ignores the fact that the oil won’t begin to flow for several more years.

    We need the new capacity to

    (a) replace as much Mid-East oil as possible as soon as possible. Replacing it starting in five years is better than not replacing it starting in five years.

    (b) to tide us over for the decades it will take to transition off of oil. Its not like in five years we will be anything other than an oil-based economy, still, even if Obama Ascends in November.

  25. And, yeah, I’d hit that.

  26. This is great! And I don’t know why everyone is saying that she is
    slamming McCain. She’s basically ridiculing both candidates and
    suggesting she herself is a better candidate than both of them. If
    nothing else, it is hilarious and I think a brilliant move to bring
    attention to the McCain campaign. Way to get into the game, McCain!

  27. How exactly did McCain slander Paris Hilton? He called her a celebrity that was not qualified to be President?

    Didn’t you hear, bubba?

    Questioning someone’s qualifications to be president IS sladering them. I know, because 70 billion McCain mouthpieces told me so after the Wesley Clark interview.

    Terrible, terrible slander.

  28. Marcvs said:
    The people that would vote for McCain don’t generally know how to play online videos.

    They ran the video this morning on the Today Show. I figure that’s an indicator that it’ll get fairly wide play beyond the Internet.

    Which isn’t to say that it’ll necessarily hurt McCain, but a lot of people who wouldn’t otherwise see an online video probably will see it.

  29. Sadly, Ms. Hilton won’t be elligible for the presidency until 2016. Even sadder, in 8 years, at the rate things are going, I’d probably be ready to vote for her. Better yet, I could run in 2012. Hmmm, maybe Paris for VP in 2016. My wife would probably have something to say about that.

  30. this is awesome

  31. Gives new meaning to the phrase “Drill Here — Drill Now”. Or maybe “I’d Rather Be Drilling”.

  32. Drilling for oil now “to tide us over” ignores the fact that the oil won’t begin to flow for several more years.

    Believe it or not, assurances of a larger future supply will get evil speculators to sell now, while the price is still high. They will also write cheaper long term contracts, effectively lowering the current price of oil.

    And although this may seem to be silly goal, it helps alleviate future problems.

  33. They ran the video this morning on the Today Show. I figure that’s an indicator that it’ll get fairly wide play beyond the Internet.

    Yeah, I wrote that before coming to work and realizing that it was the “Internet phenomenon of the day” and was going to get wide airplay. Oh well.

  34. I thought her plan sounded like Obama’s recent hedge, regarding having a plan that includes investment in alternative energies.

    Does McCain want that as well?

    In any case. I’ve been asking this without success. How much oil do we “know” is off-shore?

  35. …replace as much Mid-East oil as possible as soon as possible. Replacing it starting in five years is better than not replacing it starting in five years.

    The US doesn’t get that much oil from the middle east – about 20%, mostly from Saudi Arabia. That could, with a lot of work, I suppose, be supplanted. But the market for oil is global, and prices are global, so we wouldn’t really gain anything by such shifts.

    Globally, you can’t replace the middle east. That’s like replacing an elephant with a mouse.

  36. Dr. Charles Krauthammer says that Paris Hilton’s video was the best of the lot.

  37. “Juanita | October 9, 2007, 10:48am | #

    There does’nt be any global warmings. All these imaginery problems what we got here just be a liberals plot to keep bush from fightin for our freedoms in Iraq.”

  38. Believe it or not, assurances of a larger future supply will get evil speculators to sell now, while the price is still high. They will also write cheaper long term contracts, effectively lowering the current price of oil.

    Yes, I’m sure OPEC will continue to produce at the same level while the US increases production … NOT likely.

  39. Actually, if it looks like the US is increasing production, the best thing for OPEC to do would be to hugely INCREASE their production thereby driving down the price to the point where it becomes economically unfeasible for the US to keep drilling. That’s really why we don’t drill for oil here anyway. It’s not worth it economically. I don’t know if this is still true, but I remember many years ago it being said that it is cheaper to bring a gallon of oil here from the middle east than it is to mail a letter across the street. The best way to solve all of this is not more drilling, it’s to hang the fascist Illuminati tyrants that now run the world by their necks until dead and start all over with a system of global radical capitalism.

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