A Very Special Episode of Red Eye

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Red Eye's 300th episode, God help us, airs tonight at 3am EST. Come to watch me, stay to watch Chuck Schumer's niece.

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  1. No, Kerry, no! Don’t agree to be on a “very special” episode of anything. They all lead to tragedy. You’ll either be kidnapped, attacked, molested, put at risk of drug addiction, talked into shoplifting or enticed to cheat on The Big Test because peer pressure will make you think the Cool Kids will like you if you do. But if they really liked you, they wouldn’t do that. Don’t you understand?

    Dammmit, your boss is old enough to remember 1980s sitcoms. Why didn’t he warn you about this?

  2. I don’t know what to make of the come-hither insinuation of this post, but anyway congrats on your participation in this historic event.

  3. kidnapped, attacked, molested, put at risk of drug addiction

    Well, now, there goes the ol’ imagination a-workin’. Mmmm, Kerry in distress…

  4. Jennifer – you forgot “get pregnant”. Of course, if that happens, we might see if Dan T.’s prediction comes true.

  5. Kerry Howley

    She’s like a hot editorial tootsie pop–Lick the hard exterior to get to the chewy center—

    mmmmm

  6. Wow. This deteriorated quickly. Bravo!

  7. I really hope that there is some Alex P. Keaton thing at work with Amy Schumer, and that she might turn out to be a little less of a crypto-socialist douche than her father … sorry.

  8. “Come to watch me, stay to watch Chuck Schumer’s niece.”

    Check.
    And check.

    *Cat calls*

  9. Kerry, if you insult Chuck while his niece is on, we all win. Please.

  10. Of course, if that happens, we might see if Dan T.’s prediction comes true.

    I miss Dan T. Unlike Kneel, Dan T. actually posted something funny or narginally intelligent once in a while.

    Dan T, If you’re out there, drop in and say HI.

  11. J sub D – while I wouldn’t go so far as to say I miss Dan T, he is far preferable to Kneel, Edward, etal.

  12. I doubt that anybody’s niece could hold a candle to you, Kerry.

  13. I second Episiarch!

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