Stop Polluting My Culture, Mike Huckabee!

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Adam Thierer asks a good question: How does Mike Huckabee's palaver about "the decline in the character of our society" match up with his he-man sex-and-violence endorsements?

I'm just wondering, has Mike Huckabee listened to "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" by Ted Nugent? Does he know what that song is referring to? And I wonder what governor Huckabee's favorite Nugent album is. Is it "Penetrator"? Or is it "If You Can't Lick 'Em…Lick 'Em"? Or perhaps it's "Love Grenade"? And has the governor listened to tunes on those albums like "The Harder They Come, The Harder I Get"?

And I'm also wondering if Gov. Huckabee has watched some of those old Chuck Norris karate movies like "Forced Vengence," "A Force of One," or "Silent Rage"? I loved those movies as a kid, but those are the sort of flix that the FCC and many members of Congress would like to see banned from television for their "excessively violent" nature. Is the governor OK with those movies?

Finally, does Huckabee realize that Ric Flair's claim to fame in the professional wrestling world was that he was the ultimate "cut man"? That is, Flair was willing to be one of those guys who, in just about every match, would voluntarily cut his head open with a razor blade after being thrown out of the ring. (He hid on floor and cut his head with a blade that would be hidden under the stage). My God, Flair bled like nobody else, and the blood would ultimately make his shocking white hair turn pink, ratty, and disgusting. And the fans went wild! We all loved to see the pompous "Nature Boy" bleed.

It hasn't slowed down the Huckmentum on the right: Jerry Falwell Jr endorsed him today. To be fair, he probably blames "Bound And Gagged" on the homosexual agenda.

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  1. I loved those movies as a kid, but those are the sort of flix that the FCC and many members of Congress would like to see banned from television for their “excessively violent” nature. Is the governor OK with those movies?

    Hee hee, you said “member.”

  2. I wonder if Ric being a member of The Four Horsemen (of the Apocalypse, presumably) would bother Mike.

  3. It’s just the same ol’ hypocrisy we’ve always seen from the GOP. Fine for me, but not for thee.

  4. Regarding violence on TV and the movies, maybe Huckabee fits Bertrand Russel’s definition of a nice guy: One who loves war, but hates sex.

  5. It will be nice when Huckabee makes an exit from this presidential race, graceful or otherwise. Until then, his campaign staff may want to hire more experienced muppet operators.

  6. Nobody’s perfect, and Nugent eats what he kills.

  7. “Huckmentum” is the word of the day.

  8. Now will any of the members of the elite press corps dare to point out what a gigantic phony/douchebag this guy is?

    I’m looking at you, Washington Post.

  9. “It will be nice when Huckabee makes an exit from this presidential race”

    What if he goes all the way? He’s running a strong second in Iowa.

  10. “Now will any of the members of the elite press corps dare to point out what a gigantic phony/douchebag this guy is?”

    Only if they think he has a chance to win the general election.

  11. What if he goes all the way? He’s running a strong second in Iowa.

    Well, it wouldn’t be the first time a dumbass became POTUS.

  12. Do people over the age of 16 actually pay attention to Ted Nugent’s lyrics?! One song was enough to convince me to block out everything but the guitar.

  13. God I wish Ric Flair were president.

    He would be an armored limousine riding, Air Force One flying, vote stealing, wheeling dealing son of a gun. WOOOOOOO!

    Plus, Arn Anderson as VP would make Cheney look like a pussycat.

  14. It’s just the same ol’ hypocrisy we’ve always seen from the GOP politicians. Fine for me, but not for thee.

    Here, fixed for you.

  15. A smart Mike Huckabee would respond to the Chuck Norris/Ted Nugent attack thusly:

    “I don’t mind entertainment coming in all varieties, both as mindless fun and as good character role models and wholesome fare. I just wish there was more of the latter to choose from; we seem to have the former in overabundance. For every Chuck Norris film, we need a Jesus flick to balance the scales and make sure that parents have the tools they need to raise children with good character but know how to have a good time.” Good time being interpreted broadly as a healthy respect for all firearms and alcoholic beverages.

    But that would be a ‘smart’ Huckabee. The real one would undoubtedly use different words, or undoubtedly, a different argument. You know, one that exposes him as a hypocrite and celebrity whore.

  16. This is the first I’ve heard that Nugent endorsed Huckabee. Does anyone have any links or further info on this?

    I like the Nuge. This would be very dissapointing.

  17. I had a lot of respect for Ted until I saw him carelessly send himself to the hospital with a chainsaw. Actually, I had some respect left for him after the accident until my little sister saw the footage and said, “Wow, he is taking that cut too fast, and at a bad angle. What is he trying to prove?”

  18. Fuck. I am unmasked.

  19. Plus, Arn Anderson as VP would make Cheney look like a pussycat.

    Geez, if he isn’t dead yet. I last saw him about ten years ago, and even then he looked like he stepped out of the grave to take a piss.

  20. “For every Chuck Norris film, we need a Jesus flick to balance the scales and make sure that parents have the tools they need to raise children with good character but know how to have a good time.”

    Jesus could be just as violent as Chuck Norris. He said, “Bring my enemies to me that I might slay them.”

  21. Geez, if he isn’t dead yet. I last saw him about ten years ago, and even then he looked like he stepped out of the grave to take a piss.

    And that’s different from Cheney how?

    BTW, love the imagery.

  22. Jesus doesn’t die. He WAITS.

  23. Jesus wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

  24. Chuck Norris wears Jack Bauer pajamas to bed.

    When Jack Bauer’s shot the bullet bleeds.

  25. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    …and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, “I’ll take it from here.”

    The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.

  26. Dave missed one of the classic album titles of that time.

    Peter Frampton’s I’m in You.

  27. He also said “DIE, FIG TREE, DIIIIEEEEE!”. And then it died. So take it as it comes. But then again, in certain sections of this country, this is good character training. So, there is that.

  28. “””Jesus could be just as violent as Chuck Norris. He said, “Bring my enemies to me that I might slay them.””””

    I might slay them, but only if you will get them for me. Was Jesus really that lazy?

  29. If everyone listened to Jack, the show would be called “12”.

  30. Jesus told the fig tree to die. But Jack Bauer made it happen.

    The 9/11 hijackers were relieved when they found themselves in hell. They had been expecting to find Jack Bauer.

  31. EDIT:

    When God told the 9/11 hijackers that they’d spend eternity in hell, he followed it up with “Look on the bright side. I could have sentenced you to 24 hours with Jack Bauer.”

  32. This entire discussion seems utterly irrelevant, as the chances of Mike Huckabee even winning the Republican nomination, much less the presidency, is between nil and zero.

  33. “Jesus doesn’t die. He WAITS.”

    He’s been waiting for a hell of a long time.

  34. Double entendres in rock songs and cartoonish chop-socky films and wrestling are pretty weak tea compared to the stuff most social conservatives complain about. Would Adam Thierer vote for Huckabee if only Huck’s prudish expectations were set higher?

  35. I had a lot of respect for Ted until I saw him carelessly send himself to the hospital with a chainsaw. Actually, I had some respect left for him after the accident until my little sister saw the footage and said, “Wow, he is taking that cut too fast, and at a bad angle. What is he trying to prove?”

    I never really had any respect for Ted but I did find him kind of interesting in a loud-mouth, conservative kind of way.

    Then I found out he dodged the Vietnam draft by crapping himself and not washing for a month…only to materialize as yet another chicken-hawk, anyone-who-doesn’t-support-the-Iraq-war-is-a-liberal-pussy jackass.

    But he really lost me when he formed up with Tommy Shaw and Jack Blades (who whined about all the ballads they had to play) to start a real hard rock band…a band that only really released a bunch of lame ballads.

    The nuge is a stooge.

  36. Nugent became the legal guardian of a 17-year-old hottie so he could continue banging her. How ’bout them family values, Mr. Huckabee. Personally, I think that was a pretty smooth move by the Nuge, but then nobody ever accused me of being excessively moral.

  37. Double entendres in rock songs and cartoonish chop-socky films and wrestling are pretty weak tea compared to the stuff most social conservatives complain about.

    I don’t know, I remember that in one Chuck Norris movie a woman gets raped to death. That’d be enough for most social conservatives to start wondering why nobody is thinking of the children.

  38. Then how long is it before the 2 girls one cup endorsement?

  39. he dodged… he formed… he became…

    I’ve long thought he was a vile, condescending prick. Nice to see confirmation of that.

  40. To be fair, he probably blames “Bound And Gagged” on the homosexual agenda.

    At first it was only teenage boys who called everyone and everything gay “Dude reading books is so gay” Then came the disenfranchised queens “Reagan is so deep in the closet it is scary” Now the Christians have got in on the action “Rambo is gay!”

    I wonder when we libertarians will get in on it? “A society that is free is a gay society” or something.

  41. One who loves war, but hates sex.

    Hey!

    I consume more war and action scifi movies then I do porn…and fuck you for saying that I somehow want to outlaw gay marriage because of that.

  42. Jesus could be just as violent as Chuck Norris. He said, “Bring my enemies to me that I might slay them.

    Where did he say this? I fancy myself a decent Bible scholar, and that doesn’t sound at all familiar.

  43. Where did he say this? I fancy myself a decent Bible scholar, and that doesn’t sound at all familiar.

    Ditto. Not the scholar part, but I don’t recall it either. When you quote a holy book you should provede book, chapter and verse. It make it easier for others to get context etc.

  44. So Barry Goldwater Jr. endorses Ron Paul and Jerry Falwell Jr. endorses Mike Huckabee.

    Haha, us republicans are fucked. No matter who gets elected, 2/3rds of us will be pissed.

  45. Re: “Bring my enemies to me”. That “quote” may have been humorous – or an attempt at humor – depending on your viewpoint.

  46. No – I was wrong. See Luke 19:27.

    “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.”

  47. Luke 19:27 >>
    New American Standard Bible (?1995)
    “But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them in my presence.”

  48. Full context:

    “11 While they were listening to him speak, he proceeded to tell a parable because he was near Jerusalem and they thought that the kingdom of God would appear there immediately.
    12
    So he said, “A nobleman went off to a distant country to obtain the kingship for himself and then to return.
    13
    He called ten of his servants and gave them ten gold coins 5 and told them, ‘Engage in trade with these until I return.’
    14
    His fellow citizens, however, despised him and sent a delegation after him to announce, ‘We do not want this man to be our king.’
    15
    But when he returned after obtaining the kingship, he had the servants called, to whom he had given the money, to learn what they had gained by trading.
    16
    The first came forward and said, ‘Sir, your gold coin has earned ten additional ones.’
    17
    He replied, ‘Well done, good servant! You have been faithful in this very small matter; take charge of ten cities.’
    18
    Then the second came and reported, ‘Your gold coin, sir, has earned five more.’
    19
    And to this servant too he said, ‘You, take charge of five cities.’
    20
    Then the other servant came and said, ‘Sir, here is your gold coin; I kept it stored away in a handkerchief,
    21
    for I was afraid of you, because you are a demanding person; you take up what you did not lay down and you harvest what you did not plant.’
    22
    He said to him, ‘With your own words I shall condemn you, you wicked servant. You knew I was a demanding person, taking up what I did not lay down and harvesting what I did not plant;
    23
    why did you not put my money in a bank? Then on my return I would have collected it with interest.’
    24
    And to those standing by he said, ‘Take the gold coin from him and give it to the servant who has ten.’
    25
    But they said to him, ‘Sir, he has ten gold coins.’
    26
    ‘I tell you, to everyone who has, more will be given, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.
    27
    Now as for those enemies of mine who did not want me as their king, bring them here and slay them before me.'”

    Actually a pretty libertarianish parable.

  49. ‘”Huckmentum’ is the word of the day.”

    Look for this word to be rolled out in January:
    Huckabeen.

  50. Look for this word to be rolled out in January:
    Huckabeen.

    That’s a good one. 😀

  51. So, if I read that right, it wasn’t Jesus who said “kill my enemies”, it was this king dude in the parable?

  52. Check out the differences in Baked’s and Kevin’s versions.

    Are people so fucking illiterate that they need the “Readers’ Digest” version that Kevin provided (assuming that Kevin is totally okay with either version, of course)?????

    wow.

    That goes a long ways in explaining last night’s “debate”…….

  53. “”””But these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and slay them in my presence.””””

    I guess Jesus never heard of the Ten Commandments.

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